All language subtitles for Bless This House s06e10 Well Well Well

Of course I'm all wet.

Been raining for three solid days,
hasn't it? Let me help you.

Did you have a good day?

Shocking.

Oh. Hello, Dad.

What's he getting out of the way for?

What kind of a shocking day did you
have, Sid?

Shocking. Oh, dear.

What do you mean, oh, dear?

Well... There's a big damp patch on the
carpet, and I rang all the local

plumbers, and they're all busy.

So I rang the water board, and they
can't come till tomorrow. And it's

worse, and I didn't do it. You didn't do
it?

No. Well, it's all right then.

Don't worry about it. Hello,

Daddy. It's lucky you're home. Seems to
be getting worse.

That's all right. It's not too bad.

Just a bit of damp rising after all this
rain.

It'll dry up.

Oh, it's worse, Sid.

There's a trickle of water coming from
behind the skirting board.

Trickle? Yes. We asked Mike to look at
it, but he said it was better left to

you. How very wise.

You're not going to start hammering, are
you?

No, no, no, no, no.

It's all right. Here we go.

I hope you know what you're doing. Of
course I know what I'm doing.

street for removal vans. But Sid, if the
house gets down, we'll all get

rheumatism. I've got it already.

Yes, Paddy, but we haven't. Yeah, well,
don't worry about it. Just get my tool

kit. I want the puncture out. Where is
it?

I'll just take up a couple of
floorboards, find a leak, put a patch on

ackee round it, and wallop.

Wallop? Yeah. You don't think I was in
the Boy Scouts all those years just

taking old ladies across the street, do
you?

There we are.

Looks like it.

You know, Daddy, I think you were very
unlucky to find concrete underneath the

floor. Very unlucky.

There must be an awful lot of pressure
under there to force water up through

concrete. Yes, well, I'm not going to do
anything about it. They can dig it up

and find out in the morning.

Well, it's a pity I've got to be up so
early, Dad. Otherwise I would have

here and given you a hand.

It's only to keep you awake.

I think you're a very nice man.

Yes, you're smashing, Daddy. Thank you.

And you?

You want the truth?

No disrespect, but I do wish people
wouldn't dabble.

I have not been dabbling. I've been
stopping the furniture from floating

Let's see what you've got over there.

Oh, dear.

Oh, dear, oh, dear.

This looks like a subterranean job. A
subterranean job?

What difference does that make? It could
be very nasty.

You'd better get out your jiffy.

You're not getting your jiffy out
anyway.

I beg your pardon?

No, nothing.

All you've got to do is dig up the
concrete and find a leak.

No, no, sir.

Now, it's a matter of procedure when
you've got a subterranean job.

I mean, I know it looks easy enough, but
we have got to go by the book.

You see, a subterranean job is a
subterranean job, and that's to be

a subterranean job.

Because if it isn't treated like a...
Like a subterranean job. Exactly.

You can find yourself in a right old
mess.

What would you call this, then?

What the hell is that?

That's our jiffy.

Oh, I see.

You're not putting that thing up in
here, are you? Well, I have to.

It's the rules.

But it's not raining in here.

Right. Well, just a matter of the rain.
It's to discourage onlookers.

What onlookers? You, for a start.

I am not an onlooker, mate. This is my
bleeding house. Mr. Abbott, when it

to a subterranean job, I promise you I
won't look. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, we've heard that before.

And there you are, five minutes later,
peeping down our hole.

So, if you don't mind.

All right, don't push.

Josh.

Come on up.

Steve, is it all right for me to come
in? Yes.

No.

Who is it?

My wife.

If I told you, you wouldn't believe me.

Try me.

Good morning, madam.

We're from the water board. We've come
to clear up your little problem. Oh,

good. How long will you be?

Well, it depends on what we find
underneath.

But don't you worry about it. I mean,
we'll just get organised.

We'll have a quick tea break.

Then we get cracking.

Tea break?

You haven't done a bloody thing yet.

I'll put the kettle on. Oh, no, no, no,
no. Don't you bother about us, madam.

We brew our own.

Charles here prefers China tea. He likes
the fragrance.

It looks like he could do with it.

Would you like a cup of tea, darling?
No, it's all right. Come down to bed.

All right.

Whatever you do, don't touch his jiffy.

I'll bet he would. All he did was look.

Anyway, that's fixed. All ready for
tonight.

Ta -ta.

What shall we make him for his tea?

Oh, I don't know.

He'll probably come galloping down the
stairs with an appetite like a horse.

He recovers very quickly, your father.

Hello, darling.

What happened to all the banging then?

Bouncing up and down in that blistered
bed all afternoon.

So they've gone out to get a second
opinion.

I'll make you a cup of tea.

Thank you.

Yes, in there.

Hello, Trevor.

How are you?

So you bought yourself a new tent?

It's the water boy.

Is it?

I've never heard of that model before.

Hey, it is a nice one, Sid.

But it won't sleep full.

Trevor. Yeah? Do you want something?

No, I just popped round for the cheery
word.

Well, if the cheery word is, am I going
to meet you in the boozer later, the

answer is yes.

Usual time?

Earlier. See you there.

Get out.

Afternoon, Mr Abbott.

Have a good kip? No.

I've brought the inspector with me.

Ah. You're going to need a bigger jiffy.

Yes, sir.

It's right through here, sir.

Here it is.

Good afternoon, madam.

Afternoon.

Your report said it was nasty.

Yes, sir.

I'd say it was very nasty.

Well, to

me,

it looks like... Yes, I thought that.

Until I saw the... Yes, I spotted that.

I considered it rather strange, because
the... Wasn't there.

Exactly.

I'd rather look at the map, then.

Well, I can't seem to find it.

What was this house built, sir?

At 19 .30. Oh, well, that's it. That
explains it, sir, this match. 18 .30.

You keep up with the times, don't you?

Hang on, hang on. There's something
here.

What?

Potter's Well.

Potter's Well?

That's it. That's what you've got down
there, sir.

Potter's Well.

You mean one of those things you put a
bucket down and... That's right.

Well, what the hell are you doing under
my floorboard? Somebody just happened to

have built your house on the wrong spot,
sir.

Oh, Sid, we will have to move. No, no,
it's all right, it's all right, it's all

right. You can fill it in, can't you?
Oh, no, that's not our job, sir.

Mind you, we'll have to check that it
doesn't get mixed up with our water

supply. And I think we'll need some
extra equipment in here, Geoffrey. Extra

equipment? That's right, you'd better
get hold of an AG -54, and I think we'd

better have a JK -91 on standby.

Right, sir.

Lovely.

You've got a right P .F. here to start
with.

Don't worry, Mr. Abbott. You'll soon be
as dry as a bone.

Not where I'm going, mate.

So, what is a JK -91, you see?

I'm an apprentice, aren't I?

I just walked out and left them to it.

Well, I've got a spanner that's a BJ
-42A, if ever you need it.

I'll keep it in mind.

All I know is I just spent a fortune
getting my roof fixed. Now it's coming

through the bloody floorboards.

Well, I don't understand it, Sid. It's a
mystery to me.

Still, I suppose a well could come in
handy if ever there's a water shortage.

Oh, Trevor.

How long's it going to take?

Well, now the rain's stopped. Perhaps
it'll dry up.

And what happens if it starts raining
again?

I'll borrow your BJ42A.

You might like a bite to eat.

Oh, I couldn't eat a thing.

Well, you're not feeling ill, are you?
No, no, I feel fine.

I just keep getting these strange
feelings.

What kind of strange feelings?

Well, I suppose it's because you and I
aren't seeing as much of each other as

have been.

You know, I mean... When I'm asleep,
you're awake, and when you're awake, I'm

asleep.

I think my time lapse has gone poofy.

Your time lapse?

Yes.

I mean, one half of me thinks it's three
o 'clock in the afternoon.

The other half thinks it's midnight.

And the midnight bit is winning.

So, uh... Why don't you put the tray
down and hop into bed?

Oh, Sid, I've just had my dinner.

Never mind.

It could be afters.

I'm not silly at all, come on.

We'll talk about it later.

And another thing, you forgot my
birthday.

That was last week.

That's what I'm on about.

Look, do you want this or don't you? No,
no, no.

I might as well get up.

How is he?

He wouldn't eat his dinner.

But he's much better than we expected.

Oh, well, that's all right, then.

Was there anything else he wanted?

No,

dear, only his arses.

Oh, well, Mummy, I'll get some trifle in
the fridge. Oh, no, no, never mind,

dear.

You know, he's lucky he went in feet
first.

How did he manage that?

Well, you know how he picks his legs up
when he's creeping in late at night?

Yeah. Well, he must have stepped over
the edge.

I think he's lucky he didn't go in head
first.

He wasn't that lucky. The water went up
to his collar.

He'll be down in a minute, so don't say
anything.

All right, I'm here.

How do you do?

Mr Abbott?

That's right.

Well, I think so, yes.

My name is Miss Plummer.

I wonder if I could have a sample of
your water.

Did you send for the doctor?

No. Come in, come in. Thank you. Just go
straight through.

Ah,

good afternoon.

I am Miss Plubber, and I am from the
local archaeological society.

The water board informed us that they
had discovered an old well on your

premises. Oh, yes, it's in here. I just
wondered if I might look at it and

possibly take a sample of the water in
the well.

Oh, that water.

Yes, of course.

Gosh, thank you.

You'll find it's quite... Ah, yes.

I see they're using a JK -91.

How wise.

Are they? Oh, yes.

You surprised me. Of course, some people
think you can get away with an AG -54,

but they soon find out you're better off
with a JK -91 or an RT -38.

That's true.

Well, if you'll excuse me, I must pee
out.

Pee out?

Yes.

Push off.

Oh, yes, you carry on. Don't worry about
little me. I shall be lovely.

Oh, yes.

I can see that, yes.

I'll make you a cup of tea soon. Right
-o.

She seems a nice lady, Sid. Oh, yes.
Very sexy, too.

Who said it's that much?

look at the wealth. And if she likes it,
she's going to buy the house.

Really?

Who's that with her head down the well?

That's Miss Plummer.

She's come to take a sample of your
father's wealth. All right, all right,

right.

Isn't he bad enough?

Are you all right? Oh, yes, yes.

It's all terribly exciting.

The local society will be thrilled.

You know why?

Well, you know what it is, don't you?
Yeah.

Bloody nuisance.

Tea. Only teas, isn't it?

It is the only local example of a 4th
century Roman well.

Roman? 4th century?

Oh, yes, yes. We knew there should be at
least one in the area.

And once we have the water analysed, I
think we will find it has remained

untouched for the last 1 ,600 years.

1 ,600 years? Oh, yes, yes. The water
could contain marvellous properties, you

know, full of minerals.

Go on.

You mean the stuff that puts ears on
your chest?

Something like that, yeah.

Well, help yourself to a bucket full of
my food coming in.

Would you like your tea now? Oh, no, no.

Far too excited.

No, no. I must get back and report.

Oh, I'll see you out there. Oh, thank
you.

Well, goodbye.

Ta -ra.

You know, it's a strange world.

If it hadn't been for Julius Caesar, we
would never...

He's got a lot to answer for.

Oh, come in.

Steve!

It's the gentleman from the waterboard.

Damn it. Hi, sir.

What time is it?

Six o 'clock.

Well, in the morning.

No, afternoon.

We're sorry we're a bit late, sir, but
we had a few emergencies.

Well, we just thought we'd check before
we took the gear away.

Yes, help yourself.

Go on.

I'll get it.

Yeah. Yeah, I think you'll find that
that well is just about dried out now,

Well, if you've got to clear your gear
away, you don't mind if I have a little

tip in peace?

No, no, no. You go ahead, sir. Don't you
worry about us. You're very kind.

Yeah. Now, J .K. 91's worked a treat,
sir. Oh, I knew it would, yes.

Sid, that was Miss Plummer.

Now, she says that she'd like to bring
round some ladies from the local society

to take a sample from the well.

Well, I'll have to be quick. It's drying
up.

Well, how's everything?

Oh, lovely. Just lovely.

If you see a lot of local ladies walking
around with hairy chests, pretend not

to know.

So, what's this Miss Plummer like?
She'll make somebody a very good

Well, I don't know how you've put up
with it. You've been a real martyr, Sid.

You've got to take it in your stride,
haven't you?

Yeah.

Still, it's not everybody who's got a
Roman well under the floorboards.

I mean, it's a bit of history, isn't it?

You're right.

It is history, you know that?

I wouldn't be surprised if Julius Caesar
didn't stop off at our place for a

quick flag and a water before he went to
the Battle of Trafalgar.

Did she actually have a party with you?

I don't think she drank water.

She was all right.

Bungee. Was she? Yes.

Look, if you put up a board, I bet
there's a lot of people who'd be willing

pay money to see something like that.

Get away.

Yeah.

You mean put up a sign saying, uh,

see where Caesar and Cleopatra stop for
a quick one.

She'd make a fortune, see.

I don't think so, no.

Well, you could make it the wishing
well. Get the people to throw the loose

changing.

Now, that is a good idea.

That's good, that.

We just need a bit of a gimmick, don't
we?

Ah, a big sign right across the well.

This is the well for all to see where
Caesar quenched his thirst.

And Cleopatra plunged her love because
she thought she was the first.

I like that.

It's got a touch of virility.

Yes, it does.

Eric, two more scotches, please.

And then she and Cleopatra turned around
to him and said, we don't care if you

are the king of the bloody Trojans,
you're not sleeping in the middle.

No, no, it's not too late to come
around. No, no, I've already found the

Lovely. Yes.

What others?

you've come home? You mean you found
some more wet patches?

And you told her?

Amen, Mr. Abbott. Oh, yes, sir.