Original subtitles

You know, Sid, now that Mike has left home... Pardon?

I said now that Mike has left home.

Oh, yes, yes.

We should miss him.

I wonder how he's getting on.

There's no need to be sarcastic.

Who's being sarcastic?

Well, surely you don't begrudge him the odd meal.

Hot meal?

He comes here every day for breakfast, lunch, dinner, cocoa and biscuits before

he goes back to his place to bed.

There you are, Mum.

Now you know why I went out and got myself a room.

We know very well why you went and got yourself a room.

All I wanted was a little bit of... All right, all right. We know what you're up

to.

You don't have to tell us.

A little bit of peace and quiet.

It's very good, Francine.

You always said he ought to spread his wings.

As long as that's all he spreads.

I just wanted a little room of my own where I could go and work.

What work? A commission. I've got 12 paintings to do before the end of the

month. He has no time to cook. That's why he comes home for his meals.

He comes home for his meals because he can never pay for the amount he eats.

Come on, Dad.

You started this.

I was just having my breakfast in peace.

Thanks, Daddy.

Thank you, darling.

Hello, Mike. How's the work going?

Fine. I got a terrific girl for April. I got a magical doll for May.

But I've got to find one for June.

No wonder he hasn't got time to cook.

He's doing a pin -up calendar.

It's not work, it's literary.

Has something upset you, Daddy?

It's Mike.

Oh, that's only to be expected.

Thank you, darling.

Any father would be upset when his only son leaves home.

Leaves home?

I've seen more of him now than I ever did.

At least when he lived here, I knew where to find him. In bed.

Mum, can I use the phone?

Yes, of course, dear. Thanks a lot.

Just leave the 10p on the table.

Thank you, Dad.

As I was saying, kid, now that Mike has left home... Don't worry about it. He'll

be back for lunch.

What for? So it's ready for him when he comes here for good?

Have you been up there to look at it? No.

Well, you know all those posters and things that he used to have stuck on the

wall? I thought he took them with him.

He did, but they were stuck to the wallpaper.

I knew he took the carpet. I didn't know he'd taken the wallpaper as well.

Well, it looks awful.

Now, Sally and I can do the painting, but we're no good at wallpapering.

Neither am I.

I know.

So do you mind if we get someone in to do it?

Well, it depends how much he charges.

Oh, it's not a he.

She? The milkman told me about her. She's awfully good.

At what?

That milkman worries me.

Yeah? What's her name?

Oh, Lynn Fraser.

Well, is she prepared to strip?

Well, it's nude work.

Yeah, a pin -up calendar.

Oh, terrific. Well, when can I see her?

Today, lunchtime.

Oh, wonderful. Yes, well, she'd better come to this address. Oh, I'll be here

lunchtime. Could you make it one o 'clock?

All right, Sid. if you want to spend the entire weekend stripping down the

walls. Oh, no, this is a shocking job. I hate it, stripping down the walls.

See if she can do it.

Oh, she can.

I rang her yesterday.

She'll be round at lunchtime.

Fine, I'll settle that.

I'm going out now to get the paint and the wallpaper.

So if I'm not back, will you be here?

You know I've got the day off today.

Trevor's coming round one o 'clock and we're going fishing.

Oh, she'll be here by then.

You just show her the room and tell her to start stripping the walls.

Yes, all right. Bye, darling. Ta -ta.

Don't know. The watch has stopped.

What time do you make it? Well, as you can see, dear, I'm not wearing one.

All right, I'll ask Mrs Hamish. Now, now, don't move.

Hold that pose.

Mrs Hamish? Aye?

What's the time, please?

Just on one.

Oh, Christ.

You'll not mind if I dust around a bit? Well, you'd better ask Mike.

Oh, he's away home for his lunch.

Oh, charming.

Yes, we're expecting you. Come in.

I'm a little early.

Just go straight through.

They told me on the phone what the job was. I gather you're painting.

Oh, no, no.

It's not me that's doing the painting.

Oh, I see. No, it's my wife that's doing the painting. She's gone out with some

paint. Why don't you sit down?

There we are.

Of course, I mean, I can paint, you know.

Anybody can paint, can't they?

It's just your job I find difficult.

Really? Have you tried it? Yes, and I hate it.

I mean, all that stripping down, you know.

Oh, it's all part of the job. One gets used to it. I suppose it does. I mean,

you're doing it all the time.

Mind you, it does help if the room's nice and warm.

Yes.

You see, I didn't know that.

Oh, I can't work unless the room's at the right temperature.

Ah, you see, that's where I've been going wrong.

Last time I had a go, it was freezing.

Oh, that's awful.

Yes.

No wonder it wouldn't hang right.

Well, it kept getting wrinkles in it.

Can you come upstairs? I'll show you a little.

Go ahead.

Hello, Cedric. Hey, Cedric.

That's the room there.

There you go.

You can get cracking.

Get cracking?

Yeah, get cracking with the stripping, you know.

I see.

Anything you need?

No, thank you, Mr Abbott.

Right, well, you can do it on your own, can you?

Yes, Mr Abbott, on my own.

Sure you don't need a hand?

So what do you like?

Very nice.

Bit of paper, hang on.

Where did you find her then, Tim? I didn't. The milkman did. Said she was

good at it.

Who's the one you're not out there giving her a hand?

Well, I did offer, but she's very independent.

Matter of fact, she's a bit snooty.

Snooty? Yeah, very snooty.

I've got a good mind not to give her any coffee.

Well, don't you?

Well, you can't be petty, can you?

Not that quick.

I can't believe it.

What's the matter? What's happened?

She's sitting on the bed.

Yeah. Washing her hair.

Yeah.

And she's stark as.

She's what? She is 100 % completely, without any question of any doubt

whatsoever, stark as.

You're joking.

You don't believe me? No.

Go and have a look.

You told me to have a look, didn't you? Just calm down a minute.

Now, what the hell is she up to?

Well, I won't know unless I have a look.

I can't believe it.

Look, are you sure you weren't seeing things?

Oh, I did. Both of them.

your eyesight.

Nothing wrong with my eyesight.

Come here, Mr. Come here. What? Open your eyes.

Nice and wide.

Right? How many fingers?

What? How many fingers? Stop doing that!

Well, you could have defective visions. I will have if you poke your bloody

fingers in.

Look here.

I'll tell you what I'll do.

I'll go up there and I'll have a look for myself.

Now, just... For your sake, Sid.

And if you're wrong, I'll take you round the opticians.

I'll tell you what I'll do.

I'll give a little knock, and then I'll nip him quick, but casual.

You will take a quick peep through the keel.

I'm supposing I can't see anything. Then I'll take you round to the optician.

Trevor from next door. And what can I do for you, Trevor?

Well, nothing really.

You see, it wasn't my idea at all.

It's all... True.

He's gone.

Suppose you think that's funny. Very funny.

Sid, we're back. Come here.

Are you Mrs Abbott? Yes, you must be. I am, and I'm afraid I can't work for you.

What's going on?

You'd better ask your husband and that Trevor next door.

Sid Abbott!

Before you say a word, before you start anything...

All I did is I took her up a cup of coffee.

And, uh, you're not going to believe this.

No, I won't. But try me anyway.

Well, she was sitting on her bed, brushing her hair.

In her dressing gown.

Now, oh, no, now.

She was stark as.

And, uh, I asked Trevor. He went up there and he... And he what?

Well, he thought I was seeing things.

Well, if she was stark as, no doubt you were.

I had a quick peek through the keyhole.

Only because he told me to. Only because you said my eyesight was going.

And then what happened?

Well, she opened the door and caught him at it.

Did it occur to either of you that she might be changing?

Changing? Into her overalls or whatever else she uses for stripping the walls.

Oh.

We didn't think of that, did we?

You should be ashamed of yourself peeking through keyholes. Oh, no, no.

He peeked through the keyhole. I walked straight in. Has that girl arrived yet?

Don't tell me they sent for you as well.

What? Oh, that'll be her.

Hello. I believe you've got a job for me. Yes. Did they tell you what it was

about? More or less. Oh, jolly good. Come in.

I think you'll do fine. But there is just one thing before we get started.

What? Could I see you undressed first?

Undressed? How dare you? Where is Mrs Abbott? In there.

And who's going to do the wallpapering? Well, I'm not. Your son has just made

the most disgusting suggestion.

Not you as well. What's going on here? I came here to hang wallpaper.

Hang wallpaper?

And he asked me to take my clothes off.

You dirty little...

Oh, blimey, how was I to know she was Mike's model? I mean, he doesn't even

here anymore.

Well, just forget it. I'm so grateful to still have a paper hanger.

She's marvellous. Yeah, but Mike lost his model.

Mum, what's for supper?

He hasn't lost his appetite.

Liver and onions, but he won't be ready for about an hour. Can I have beans on

toast? Yes, of course. No, he can't. If he can't sit here and wait for it with

the rest of us, he can go out and buy himself something.

Sally, you got any money?

Yes. Can I borrow a couple of quid and I'll go to the Chinese takeaway?

All right. It's in my handbag.

Don't you bring that stuff in here, Anita.

It's all right, Dad.

I've got a home of my own to go to.

If Mike's going out, we could finish the painting and have supper later.

Oh, no.

Leave it. Let's go out, Anita.

I can't leave it. I've got to get it done. She's coming on Monday.

Who is?

Nobody.

Who is coming on Monday?

Auntie Alice?

Auntie Alice?

Oh, God, how long's she come in for?

Well, she didn't actually say. No, you know we've got a vacant room up there.

Once she gets in there, she'll never get out.

We'll have her here for good.

Oh, I'm sure we will. Oh, yes, we will. I know you're Auntie Alice.

Come in. Who is it?

Only me.

What's up?

Nothing.

There must be.

No, I just thought I'd pop round, see how you're settling in.

What's the catch?

No catch.

I just thought, as your father, I ought to come round and see how you're getting

on. Thanks, Dad.

It's not the one who came round to our place, is it?

I thought not. She's got one bigger than the other.

there's no security here at all.

I walked up the stairs, straight through that door. Nobody made any attempt to

stop me.

Now, you just think, I could have been a burglar.

I know you could, Dad.

I've often wondered why you weren't.

Very good, that. Very witty.

Anyway, I've got nothing worth pinching.

I can see that.

Not too warm up here, is it?

Suits me.

When winter comes, mate, you could get pneumonia.

Dad, I like it here. I can paint.

Yeah, well, after a moment you can paint, but you wait till the frostbite.

guess it's your fingers.

Dad, I'm happy here. There's no noise and no disturbances.

What about the neighbours?

These walls are like cardboard.

There is nobody in that room, Dad. She can't let it. She won't. She wants 15

quid a week for that room and I only pay 10 for mine.

Why does she want 15 for that one? Because it's got a proper window.

Do you mean to tell me that you are paying 10 quid for a room that hasn't

got a window? I don't want a window.

Windows let in noise.

You are being exploited.

Come on. No.

Now, I know I should have said this before, but we miss you.

You miss me?

Yeah, well, your mother misses you and Sally misses you and... All right, I

you too.

What about the budgie? Oh, he misses you very much.

Hasn't banged his bell for a fortnight.

Sorry, Dad. Why not?

It's too noisy.

We'll muffle his bell.

He's keen to get me home.

So, I want to see you back where you belong, in your own sweet little room.

I am not sharing my room with Auntie Alice.

Enough. Sally told me.

Oh. Sorry, Dad.

Oh, son.

Please come home, please.

I mean, I'm going to have her there for the rest of my life.

Hard luck.

Oh, son, have pity, boy, have pity.

She drives me up the bloody wall, you know that.

I mean, I'll have to leave home. That's all right, Dad. There's a super room

next door, 15 quid a week, and it's got a proper window.

I should make that left one a little bit bigger if I were you.

You mean rent the room next door to Mike?

Yes. It's got to be worth 15 quid a week to get rid of Auntie Alice.

Hey, was she the one who called me a loudmouth yob?

That's her.

Queen of the stirrers, she is.

Well, you can definitely count on me, sir. Thank you very much. Ed, we've

finished the painting. Do you want to look?

No, thanks. I'm going fishing.

Tell her.

Not again.

How does he expect to catch fish without a rod?

Perhaps they take one look at him and give themselves up.

It's only a single room.

Oh, that's all right. One of us will take it and the other one will get one

somewhere else.

Of course, I could put another bed up here.

Where?

Move out the wardrobe.

Oh, all right, then we'll have it.

£17 .50 in advance.

That sounds OK. Shut up.

I thought you said it was £15.

Ah, that's for a single, but you're having it double.

Oh, no, no, we're having it single.

Now, look, in this house, one man... One bed.

We're not sleeping here.

Oh? Then what will you be doing here?

Rehearsing. Rehearsing what, might I ask?

We're musicians.

I said musicians, yes.

We're rehearsing an act for the clubs.

Drums and...

Bagpipes. Bagpipes.

Oh, you don't say. Oh, well, I'll maybe come up here and join you. Oh, you'll be

very welcome.

What do you play?

Oh, I don't play anything, but I'm awfully keen on the dancing.

Oh, I can see that. You're a lovely mover.

Of course, we'll keep the noise down, won't we? Yes, we don't want to disturb

the other tenants.

Oh, they won't hear you, except for your laddie next door.

But don't worry about him.

He's behind where the rent.

Is he?

I wouldn't stand for that. No, I'd string him straight out.

Oh, that's all right. He's borrowing it from his father.

He's not.

Pardon? He's not in at the moment, is he? Oh, no, he's away home for his

That's why we're here.

Pardon? I said we're going to have a beer.

Very nice of you.

Thanks, Mum.

I'll give it back to you as soon as I get paid.

When's that?

Well, as soon as I finish the calendar. That's why we're working all weekend.

I'll be with him.

Mike's been blacklisted at the model agency.

But it's all right, Mum. Don't worry. We'll be OK.

Come on, then. Let's go. Right.

I'll bring you some stuff around, shall I? Oh, thanks a lot, Mum. That'll really

help.

I can't help feeling we're overdoing this.

Well, I mean, we're supposed to be musicians, see?

Anyhow, I bet his uncle's a pipe major.

When he said he looked ridiculous playing the pipes in trousers.

Has he seen you in that tube?

Of course he has.

I mean, he helped me put it on when I went round for the pipes.

Here, see?

Yeah.

What have you got under your kilt?

Exactly the same as you got under yours, mate.

What's that?

Sounds like a hoover.

notes. You haven't played any bloody notes so far.

If you start that noise again, I shall call Mrs. Halish. It's working.

managed to say excuse me.

Come in.

Hello, I brought you supper.

Oh, thanks a lot, Mum, but we're coming home soon.

Why? Oh, it's dreadful, Mummy. The new people have moved in next door and you

can't hear yourself think.

You must complain.

I tried, but they won't open the door.

But what about the landlady? Oh, my complaint to the landlady is she said...

I'm moving out.

Mike, you can't do that. What about Aunty Ali?

She can move in here. The rent's paid till Sunday.

Shall we start?

Yeah. Ready when you are, see?