Original subtitles

I'll bet you a pound he says no. A pound?

Yes. It's a bet.

Hello, darling.

Darling, I know you said that we couldn't have a new deep freeze.

But Sally's boyfriend, Jeremy, is very clever.

And he takes old second -hand ones and he does them up and sells them cheaply.

And he gives a three -year guarantee and free maintenance. And can we have one,

please? Three -year guarantee.

Free maintenance?

That's very good, isn't it?

Yes, of course.

Thank you, darling.

Daddy? Yes?

Could I have a pound, please?

What's this, a deposit?

Not much, is it? There you are, Mummy. Thank you, dear.

What's all that about?

Don't ask questions, darling. You'll only get confused.

Hello, Jeremy. It's me.

Daddy says we can have the freezer.

Yes.

you deliver it?

Oh, OK.

Hi, Sal.

Oh, Mike, did you get the job? Yes.

That's great. When did you start?

I've started.

I did it.

You said go out and do it, and I went out and did it.

Did what?

I got myself a job.

You're joking.

Oh, congratulations, dear.

Mum, he got a job.

What sort of job is it?

Well, I'm following in your footsteps, Dad. I mooch around all day.

Flogging things.

What sort of things?

Bouffle barbeque.

Pardon? Bouffle barbeque.

What is it?

It's French for wild buffaloes.

Oh!

Oh, damn.

Yeah, well, it's a big demand for those, isn't it?

you keep your samples.

Whoops, mate.

Bouffle barbare is the latest range of men's toilet requisites, like face

lotions and masculine perfumes.

Perfumes? Yeah, well, the modern man isn't ashamed to use perfume. It

his essential appeal.

Yeah? You're going to meet some very dodgy fellas selling that stuff.

Yeah, I doubt it.

Oh, take it away.

Mum?

Oh, Mike, it's lovely.

You see?

Women find it irresistible.

It turns them on. Oh, get off.

Jeremy, bring in the freezer round tomorrow.

Good. What's that lovely smell?

Bouffou Baba.

What the hell do you think you're doing?

If I'm selling the product, I've got to wear it.

Eddie Franken across the road sells ladies' underwear, but you don't see him

walking around in a see -through bra and frilly knickers.

You show me how it's done.

I don't know how to do it. I couldn't get it open either.

Send it back.

Oh, don't be silly. It's only just off here.

Isn't it smashing?

He doesn't like it. Oh, it's marvellous, Daddy. It freezes everything.

Yeah, it's just frozen. There's a bleeding lid on it.

He's promising something quite difficult.

Blimey, look at the blooming thing. Why don't we get a new one?

You said we couldn't afford a new one.

Jeremy. Yeah, do that and tell him to get this out of there.

I was talking to Trevor today. One of his mates said he could give us a new

cheap. I know Trevor's mates.

I don't want one that fell off a lorry. This one looks like it fell off a cliff.

Hello, Jeremy.

It's me.

Oh, yes, it's smashing.

Except we can't bloody open it.

freezer. Take a teeny step back.

What? Just do what Jeremy tells you.

Now turn sideways.

Raise your right arm straight out in front of you.

I feel like it by standing here.

Move it six inches to the right. Oh, blimey.

It's just one little problem.

What's that?

Where the hell are we going to put it?

Supposing we move the sink?

You can forget that for a start.

Well, I was only trying to help. If you want to help, send it back.

If it wasn't for the back door, we could put it there.

We're not moving the back door either.

Supposing we block the back door off?

No.

Mind you, it could have its advantages.

He's arriving.

Well, stick around. You'll see it leaving.

I wondered if I could put this in it.

What is it?

Fox. Fox?

Yes.

You want to go to a different butcher.

It's my fox fur.

Oh, good.

What do you want to tease it for?

You should always keep furs in cold storage. It kills the moth. Does it?

You've left that a bit late, haven't you?

it's a good idea, Betty.

Well, it won't take up much room.

Can we forget about her crummy foot? Where am I going to put the freezer?

Well, put it in the garage.

I've got no room in my garage.

We could make room. I'm not going to leave my car outside in the street.

Well, I'll just leave it here anyway.

Betty, we were thinking of putting food in the deep freeze. That's quite right.

Well, of course you were.

Yes, Betty, what Gina's trying to tell you is that we do not want that thing.

In with our food.

Why?

It might make it smell funny.

Oh, don't worry.

If it does, I'll just spray it with air freshener.

Where is it? I looked in the garage. It's not there.

Mummy found a place for it. Where?

And finally, 500 fish fingers.

500 fish fingers?

You like fish fingers.

I like eating them, not living with them.

They're saving you a fortune, Daddy. Yes, I'm sure you are. Where is it?

Upstairs.

Upstairs?

How the hell did you get it up here?

Jeremy did it with a block and tackle.

Oh, I knew he'd come into it somewhere.

Oh, he had a terrible job.

He had to take the window out.

I'm not having that bloody thing in our bedroom.

But it's not for long, Sid.

Jeremy's going to build me a lean -to at the back of the house and it can go in

there. Yes, I've seen some of Jeremy's handiwork. Now I think it's time I saw

Jeremy.

Hi, everybody.

Hello, dear. Do you have a good day? Great. What are you bringing your

in here for? I'm a bit worried about my face cream.

Your face cream?

Yeah, for the middle -aged executive who wants to look more vital and younger.

They've gone a bit peculiar.

I'm not surprised.

Using your face cream.

It's the face creams that have gone peculiar. I think they've melted.

Well, put them in the freezer.

Yeah, that's what I bought them up for.

And what's this?

It's Betty's fox fur.

Plus 48 ,000 paralysed moths.

Ice cream, ice cream.

Yes, dear, turn it on.

You fool, far -far.

What do you want?

Just an ice cream, Daddy.

Ice cream? It's time for that.

Will somebody else learn how to do this stupid nonsense?

One ice cream.

and goes after this. What can I help you to do to your face?

He said it gets rid of wrinkles.

He said what?

There's not a wrinkle in it.

Thank God for that.

Sid, I've got all that food in the freezer. Supposing it stopped working?

It hasn't stopped working. It's just frozen all it's supposed to freeze. Now

it's having a rest.

How can you tell?

You can only tell by going down and having a look at it.

Sid? Yes?

Yeah. And this thing's going out next, right through that door.

Did it blow the pubis?

It did.

Now, you get on to that idiot boyfriend of yours right now on the phone and tell

him I want to see him here immediately.

I don't think he'll be home yet. He's only just left here.

Well, I want to take him to get home.

It's hard to say, really. His car's not working.

That doesn't surprise me.

Everything he touches falls to pieces.

That's why I'm late. We have to walk.

Is it going, Sid? No, I haven't switched it on yet.

It blew the fuse.

That's simple. All I've got to do is put a heavier fuse in that box. Don't you

dare!

You keep yourself right away from that box.

If Daddy was to go around in his car and pick Jeremy up... I am not going to

pick Jeremy up. He can walk around it.

Sid, why do you have to be so awkward?

I am not being awkward.

I've just drained every drop of petrol out of my car.

Why? Because it's out in the street and I don't want to get it pinched.

George, why don't we fix one with petrol in it?

Because for the job we're doing, this one's just right.

It's working again.

All it needed was a heavier fuse.

Well, don't blame me if it blows the company fuse.

What's the company fuse?

That one in the corner with the big seal on it.

Oh, it won't blow that.

Mike broke the seal and put another heavier fuse on it.

went to bed. We had to do something.

But it's illegal to break that fuse.

How can it be illegal? It's our fuse.

It's the electricity board's fuse.

What if it's their fuse, folks? What's it doing in our garage?

If it bypasses that fuse, it'll put out the whole street.

Oh, of course it won't.

Just don't talk to me.

ordinary fuse back in that box, and nobody will know it was us.

Thank you.

Mummy, Jeremy says there's no point in coming round until the current's turned

back on.

But what about all the food?

He says we've got to cover the freezer in blankets.

Why blankets?

To keep the cold in. We need masses and masses of blankets.

Switch them off. I want to get some sleep.

I thought you'd be pleased.

I am. I'm hysterical.

Switch it off.

Well, that means they must have mended them.

Yes. And they haven't been round here, so it's all right. Yes.

Sid? What?

There's somebody at the door.

I've got a plan.

They can't prove it was you, Sid.

It was that electrical engineering genius twit of a son of yours.

Well, they can't prove it was him either.

Go down and bluff it out.

Let him go down and bluff it out.

He's asleep.

Not for long.

case of this.

Pulling all these mugs. Look at this. I'm soaking in it. What happened?

Dad broke three bottles of my buffle bar bar, that's right.

Never mind about your puffy bar bar. Go and open the front door.

Who is it?

The electricity board. Who else could it be?

Mike can bluff it out. I can? Yes, you can. Goodbye.

Daddy, will I send you to prison?

If I do, there's one raise in certainty.

What's that?

The way I smell. They put me in a cell on my own.

Don't tell me.

Electricity board.

Flying squad.

Mind if we come in? Yes.

Are you Mr Sidney Abbott? No, no. I'm his son. Where is he?

I'll go and get him.

Don't go away.

Dad! It's you they want!

Perhaps I can help you, Mr Sweeney.

You can?

If you're Mr Sidney Abbott... No.

Well, go and get him. Yes.

Daddy, it is who they want.

Are you sure it was his car they used on that safe -blowing job?

Yeah, somebody dropped it down the numbers. It moved off down to

Yeah, but it might have been nicked off him. I mean, especially for the job.

It might have.

On the other hand, it might have been him that blew the safe.

Right. We are waiting, Mr Abbott.

You're Sidney Abbott. Yes, but I never touched it.

Touched what?

Whatever it is you've come about.

Oh, so you know what we've come about.

No.

I don't usually smell like this.

I should open up.

Yes, well, I can explain that.

I had a little accident, see. What, in Piccadilly?

Piccadilly? Yeah, you've been down Piccadilly, haven't you?

How dare you?

I'm a respectable married man. I've been up in my bed all night.

In a balaclava.

Well, it's a bit nippy up there, you know. Come on, Mr Abbott. Why don't you

cooperate, huh?

Cooperate? Yeah.

Right there.

Wait a minute.

You see, we know what you've been up to. I don't know what you're talking about.

Ten minutes after it was blown, we were on to you.

That was quick, wasn't it?

Yeah.

Somebody gave us your number. And we traced it here.

To you.

How long have you had it?

Oh, that thing in the garage?

Two days.

Let's have a look at your licence.

License?

Yes, your license.

Oh, I'm very sorry. I didn't know you had to have one.

He didn't know you had to have a license. No, no, but I'll get one first

in the morning. How much are they?

Excuse me, sir.

Be quiet, miss.

Is it, uh, is it insured?

No, but I'll get one of those first thing in the morning this way.

Where do you, uh, normally keep it? In the garage.

When did you last have it out?

Oh, we haven't.

Earlier on, we had it up in the bedroom.

Up in the bedroom?

I know.

I realise it sounds a bit peculiar, but it was the wife's idea, you know.

And I want to know what's going on. Just keep right out of it, please. Look, Mrs

Abbott, we're investigating a complaint. We know nothing about it, do we, Sid?

No. Where did it happen?

In the West End.

West End?

Well, we couldn't have blown that. We couldn't blow anything as far as that,

could we, Fitz?

I mean, we might have blown a few round here.

Not that he's saying we have.

Now, we admit nothing.

Well, you're not doing too bad.

How many have you blown around here?

Only one.

And that was our own?

Just a small one. Yeah, and it was our own, so that's not illegal, is it?

Where did all this happen?

Up in the bedroom.

We tried it in there first, didn't we? But it was a trifle noisy.

Yeah, I can believe that.

What was in it when you opened it?

Nothing much.

Fur, face cream, fish fingers.

Fish fingers?

Yes. 500.

500 pounds.

No, no, no.

Fish fingers.

These are yellow things. Very tasty. Now, look, Mr. Abbott, I think you'd

come along with us. No, it's not his fault. He's shielding someone else. Oh,

well, in that case, you can come along with us. Get your hands off her. Do you

want... It's all right, Dad.

It's me you want.

You? Yeah, well, I'm the one that did it. My dad knew nothing about it. Ah,

there's a good lad. That's what we like to hear. You don't... You just keep your

mouth shut until I get you a lawyer.

It's no use, Dad.

I mean, I blew it. I'm going to have to take the rat.

Don't worry, son. You play ball with us. We play ball with you.

Don't worry,

son. We'll send a deep freeze and get you a good lawyer.

Look at that.

Oh, Sid, never mind that. Now you've got your car back, we can forget the whole

thing.

Forget it.

They caught those villains doing 105 miles an hour in my car.

Look at that. It's going to cost me 30 -odd good to get a new one.

Oh, Jeremy will give you a discount on that. Turn his way round.

That'll be him now.

I'll get it.

Don't move.

This one is mine.

So you're Jeremy, are you?

No, sir.

I'm an official of the electricity board.

Thank you for watching.