Original subtitles

Now don't look at me while I do this, you know what happens.

Nobody, you know what happens.

Blessed House, episode 2, VTR number 8806, part 1.

Oh, God, Blimey. It's ridiculous.

What a load of rubbish.

What? There's a picture here of a fellow posing with a 36 -pound salmon.

Who do they think they're kidding?

It's trick photography.

There's no need to be jealous just because it took you and Trevor all day

to haul in a tiddler.

That was not a tiddler. That was a very large trout.

You've never brought home anything that wouldn't fit on half a round of toast.

Trevor and me caught the biggest fish of the season last year. Well, I didn't

see it. Oh, naturally you didn't, because it's mounted on the wall of the

angler's arms.

What did they mount it on? A beer mat?

That was a specimen fish, that was. It was a cross between a spotted carp and a

blue whale.

There he is, Captain Hornblower.

Ex -artist, ex -sculptor, ex -photographer.

At least he's trying things out.

He's got to get rid of all that energy somewhere.

I mean, in your day, you had things like wars.

Oh, God, Blarney, can you imagine? Him and his mob in the army, all lined up

there in their T -shirts.

I give in, scrawled across the front.

There they are. They should be out working.

Hi, Mum. Hi, Dad.

What's it in?

What are you bringing it through here for? I don't want to get it dirty.

What's going on? What's going on?

Mike and I are in business.

What sort of business?

Buying and selling.

Oh, God, love. You should both be very pleased.

We got all these things for three pounds and we've already sold the bike for

five. Yeah, and there's lots more where this came from. If things keep going the

way they are, we'll need the house as well as the garage. Come, Sal.

Did you hear that?

The garage, he says.

Do you know what that means? My car's going to spend another winter out in the

street every night.

Oh, I wish you'd give them some incentive, Sid.

After all, what have you got to lose?

Only my sanity.

You can get along without that.

They do.

I mean, after all, they're all we've got.

We've had 24 years of marriage, and they're the only real things we have to

for it.

Now you've really done it. Now you've really depressed me.

Isn't Mother Nature wonderful?

Haven't you noticed the way Sally's eyes glisten when she's pleased?

She gets that from me.

And you must have noticed the way Mike's shoulder twitches when he's pleased.

Get that from you?

I thought you'd get the glisten and I'd finish up with the twitch.

You see, that's the magic of children. They've got us in them.

And we must hang on to them as long as possible.

And the only way to do that is to try and understand them.

You're right.

coffee, darling?

Yes, please.

And do you promise to try and be tolerant with the children?

Of course I will, darling. No matter what they do? Yes, it doesn't matter.

Oh, Sid, I do love you. Oh, thank you. Do you mind if I borrow that thing? Oh,

Mike! Look at the mud on your shoes. I washed this floor today. I wash this

floor every day. I spent my whole life washing this floor. And when I die, my

goats will wash the floor. Now get out! Go on, get out!

Would you rather have tea, darling?

Perhaps somebody's lost his parrot or something. Go to sleep.

Sorry, dear.

Oh. Me?

Would you mind unclapping as you're strangling me?

Oh, God.

Oh,

God. It's like sleeping with a bull seal.

And if I can't go to sleep again, I can't bear it if other people go to

Yes, I've noticed.

Morning!

Service with a smile.

I'm not touching that until I know what's happened to him.

It's just a nice little gesture for a nice father who married a nice mother.

had two nice kids.

Yeah, we bought one thing.

What is it?

A big thing.

Which means, of course, Daddy, we'll make a big profit.

What is it?

It's ruining my garden. Get rid of it. It's not doing anything, Daddy. It's

sitting there. It's bedded itself down there. In a week, it'll be bloody stuck

there. Get rid of it.

Daddy, we need somewhere to store our stuff.

You're stopping us from doing our own thing. And that thing's stopping my

from doing its own thing. Get rid of it. Oh, Steve.

I've set my piece. Either that goes or you go. And when you do go...

and my children bring me breakfast in bed, that's trouble.

You know what'll happen next?

What? They'll offer to make my lunch, and before I know where I am, there'll

two dozen bloody cattle out there grazing on the lawn.

You've got to eat your toast.

Thank you.

I did say, Dad, that one day, with a bit of luck, I'd become a man.

What is this, Play of the Month?

I think they're trying to say something.

Well, why don't they go ahead and say it? We don't have this trouble with a

budgie.

Remember what you said, Daddy, about either the caravan goes or we go?

Yes. Well, we're going.

You mean you're leaving home?

No, Mum, we're just branching out. Just branching out.

Dad and Sally and me, together we're just heavy going.

You speak for yourself.

Don't say anything, Dad. We just don't speak the same language. Let's just

hands and call it a day.

Oh, Sid, the children are leaving us.

Don't cry, Mummy. No, no, don't cry, darling.

The fledglings always have to leave the nest. Of course they do. They can't stay

here all their lives. We'll keep in touch, Mum. Yes, of course I will.

Where are you going?

Oh, I'm moving into the garage.

It's not the same without them somehow.

This house is just not the same.

You're right.

Peaceful.

You may want peace and quiet. I want my children back.

Morning, Mum.

Good morning, dear.

Hi, Dad.

I've done you two eggs. Oh, thank you. Are you all right, darling? Are you warm

enough? Yeah, I've got three electric heaters going. Oh, my God.

Could you, um... Could you give that to Dad to rent for the garage?

Oh, don't be silly, Mike. Your father wouldn't dream of taking one.

You can have a hot bath as soon as he's gone. Thanks, Mum.

Have the morning paper, come.

Everything's my fault.

You don't care, do you? You don't even miss them.

How can I miss them? They haven't gone anywhere.

All because there's a caravan in your silly old garden.

I wouldn't mind, but nothing ever grows in it. Of course it doesn't. It never

gets a chance, does it?

I mean, Sally has all her barbecues on it.

And Epstein's been hacking away at a mountain of rock over there for months.

He's doing something creative.

Creative, is it?

All I know is that out there for 17 weeks it looked like Stonehenge.

What do we finish up with? A little dwarf, naked.

Just because you can't get with the times, don't stop your children.

I mean, why don't you put yourself in their shoes?

Have you seen the height of their shoes?

I need an oxygen mask.

That's right, make jokes.

That's typical of you. Well, just you listen to me, Sidney Abbott. I like the

kids of today.

And I don't blame them for wanting things to be different.

And if my kids want to make a living out of buying and selling, I'm going to do

everything I can to help them succeed. So there.

And if they do succeed, Mike will get a flat of his own and Sally will get a

flat of her own.

And I'll be left all by myself with no one to talk to and no one to laugh with.

Just me.

And me.

And the goldfish.

And me.

And the budgie.

And me, me, you'll have me.

things worse.

Very popular fella, mate.

That's a very difficult thing, Steve.

Bringing up kids these days. How would you know? You've only been doing it for

three months.

You've got to stick to your principles, Steve. I mean, it's your own. You pay

for it. You make the rules.

I mean, you'd better be cluttered up our garden with an old caravan. I'd let her

move into it.

You don't have a toad away.

Very funny, that trip.

It's the only way, isn't it, Sid? I mean, you've got to show them who's

ain't you?

Thank you, mate.

You just made me come to my final decision.

Oh, that's too spirited. That's my mate.

Strong, determined, a real man.

I'm leaving home.

There's no need to go that far, Sid. Don't argue with me. I know what I'm

I'm going to go it alone. I'm going home, pack my gear, get out of there.

But where are you going, Sid? Don't worry about me, matey.

I can see to myself.

See?

There.

Note number two.

Oh. That should give them something to think about.

Now then.

Something to read.

Something to smoke.

Now, what else? Oh, yes.

Something to take my mind off things.

Where do you want me to put these? One there. One there. Come on. Come on. Get

move on.

Right. We'll have that there.

Just to make dead sure they see those notes.

Otherwise they'll never even notice I've gone.

Have you got everything you need, Sid? Yes.

No, my pyjama's upstairs.

Well, I hope it's a nice place you're going to. It is. It's very nice. Nice

cosy. Come on.

Look, are you sure you're doing the right thing, Sid?

I mean, it's a big decision, you know, leaving home.

Trevor, my kids have been trying to upset me and I'm not going to stand for

So I'm going to play them at their own game and upset myself.

A load of things. It's all sorted out, mate.

How long are you going to be away, Steve? That depends.

Good luck, Steve.

Thank you.

That's it.

I'm very moved.

Thank you, Steve.

I'll miss you, Steve.

You've been a good mate.

Good night, Jeff.

Good night.

Here's the back door, Steve.

Here's my list of meal times.

Not twice, so that I know it's you. And don't forget, I ate sardines.

He's probably walking around.

He's Sid, home. I wanted a word with him.

No, he's at the Hare and Hound.

Well, I've just come from there.

Well, you know how it is with him. You go in one door, he goes out the other.

Oh.

How's Betty and the baby?

Oh, smashing, thanks.

You're putting on weight, Heather.

Yeah, well, it's all discontentment, you see.

I mean, I'm very lucky. I've got a considerate wife and a considerate baby.

mean, a man needs consideration, doesn't he?

consideration makes a man, well, makes a man sort of fat.

Thank you.

Would you like some coffee, Trevor? We were just going to have some.

Oh, yes, please.

What have you got under your cap?

Well, I, um, I thought you'd ask me for coffee, so, uh, I, uh, bought me own

cake.

I'll make some.

I'll help you.

You, uh, warm in seed slippers, are you?

For God's sake, I'm starving.

You know, I hadn't realised before.

It's a nice house you've got there, isn't it?

Sort of, um, big.

It's the same as yours.

Oh, is it?

We're a pair of semi -detached.

Isn't that funny? I mean, me not noticing.

I mean, it must be something to do with the colour scheme or something.

Yeah, that's it. I remember now.

I mean, your landing's bigger than ours, isn't it?

Do you mind if I go? that and have a check.

No, help yourself.

Blimey!

You're like a praying mantis.

in, Trent?

No, Sid. I mean, they're missing me. They're beginning to respect me, aren't

they? Yes, Sid. And when I do come home, they'll welcome me with open arms,

won't they? Yes, Sid.

Here, Sid. Yes? What do you fancy?

Cocoa or whiskey?

Cocoa.

that weeps night.

You find some bananas down there, bring them up. They'll go through the hole.

some Jostics. Mummy and I have cried ever since you left.

But now you're back, we can be happy again and all do our own thing. Yes. I'm

going back to the garage.