Original subtitles

It's only a bit, it's okay.

VTR 10 -5 -3 -double -9, part one, take one.

Go, Lana, that's sexy.

Sid? What's the matter?

I brought you a cup of tea.

Oh, thank you.

What's the time?

Just after nine.

Oh, good.

Nine?

No!

You let me have a sleep. That's what a panic is.

Sid! I haven't got time to talk. I haven't got time to talk.

Who was in that bathroom? Come out. I'm late for work. Come on, hurry up.

There's nobody in that bathroom, Dad.

I haven't got time to talk. I'm late.

My clean towels.

What's the matter with Daddy?

He's late for work. On a Sunday?

Daddy, you know it's Sunday. I know it's Sunday. Even Mike knows it's Sunday,

but not your father.

There's no blade in there. You've been using my razor again, haven't you? It

me, Daddy.

You? You haven't started the shave, have you?

Oh, I used to cut out my leather skirt. Thank you.

Can I borrow the razor we gave you for your birthday?

I'm sorry, Dad, I swapped it for an amplifier.

Forget it.

I'll shave at the office.

Where's my clean shirt and socks?

Sid, will you calm down? I haven't got time to calm down. I'm late, blimey. I

could get ulcers like this.

I think Daddy's gone crackers.

I think somebody ought to tell him. I think you two should go down and have

breakfast. What, miss all the fun when Daddy finds out?

You're too young for that kind of language.

Come on, isn't anybody going to help me with my shirt? I'm waiting for it.

Come on, don't stand there. Do something.

Sid, will you listen for a minute? I haven't got time to listen.

Find me at the office or something.

Why don't you dress for school?

I'm not going to school.

Don't argue with me. Get dressed. It's closed.

Closed? What happened? Another teacher strike?

It's Sunday.

Well, let's know it's Sunday.

Yeah. It's that 24 -hour gap between Saturday and Monday.

Why didn't somebody tell me?

We, Sid, couldn't get a word in H -Way.

Sunday.

It's in Sunday.

And I've been galloping about here like a bloomin'... It's Sunday!

Now what are you doing?

I've gone back to bed to unwind.

Well, now you're awake, why don't you get up? Get up? It's Sunday.

But people do get up on Sundays. Some even go to church.

Sunday is supposed to be a religious day.

I'm being religious in bed.

What is that?

Well, it says quite clearly in the Bible.

Six days a week shalt thou labour and do all thy work.

On Sundays you shall not do any work, nor your son nor your daughter. They

do any work anyway.

Nor a maidservant, that's you.

Nor a governor, that's me. So leave me alone, I'm having a rest.

Don't you ever think of all the things you could be doing instead of lying

there?

I could think of a couple I could do while I'm lying there. Come on.

Quick cuddle, come on.

Well, this time in the morning.

Well, we are married.

No, thank you, not right now.

I was better off before we were married.

Don't be so vulgar. Come on, get up.

Get up, it's Sunday.

Sunday. Oh, God, I hate Sunday.

Well, what's wrong with Sunday?

Well, they're a dead life. There's no football, no racing, no dogs.

The continent, they've got the right idea about Sundays. Oh, yes.

Maybe with a bit of luck.

Our Sundays will brighten up when we get into Europe.

I'm happy with our Sundays as they are.

You've got the right idea there, you know. It's all happening on the

You can do what you like here on a Sunday.

The rest of the week, too, from what I hear.

I'll be too. The French don't want us in the six because they think we'll ruin

their Sundays as well.

Well, I hope they don't interfere with our Sundays. It's nice to have one

peaceful day.

After all, England is a civilised country.

What do you think they are over there?

Headhunters?

You know what I mean. They're...

Well, not to them, they're not.

But they're different.

I mean, they haven't even got the Archbishop of Canterbury.

No, but they have got the Pope, haven't they?

I mean, he's not the head of the Mafia, you know.

I'm not going to argue with you.

Come on, get up. Oh, now, cut it out, Jean. I want some peace. Now, come on.

fed up with Sundays in this house. It's the same every week. You all lie in bed

till lunchtime, and then in the afternoon, Sally goes off to the coffee

and Mike sits in Trafalgar Square trying to put the world to right, and you

slouch in the easy chair, snoring your way through the golden shot.

Look, Sunday is the only day we're all at home. We should spend it together.

You're right.

You are dead right, you know that?

I have been neglected, you lot.

There's a time that this family ought to be together one day a week, and it's

today.

Come on.

Mike!

Get out of that bed.

I am out of that bed.

Daddy, you're making so much noise this morning, I just can't sleep. Don't worry

about it, darling.

You are not doing any demonstrations today, and you're not going to any

bars today.

Oh, what have we done now? Nothing. It's just that this family ought to go and

spend one day together, and it's going to be today.

Oh, great.

Get ready. We're going out.

Well, we don't have to go out.

Of course we do. It's a beautiful day. I'll get in the car, and we'll go for a

picnic. A picnic?

That's it, a picnic. You'll love it. You'll love it, and you'll love it.

Oh, what a beautiful world.

How do I know where we're supposed to be?

Well, you had the map. You were doing the navigating.

Yes, but I can't read it in the car. It keeps jiggling up and down.

Well, you should jiggle with it.

We're lost, aren't we? We are not lost. We're just not where we should be on the

map, that's all.

Will you show me where we should be? I don't know where we should be.

Anybody see that sign we passed half a mile back?

I saw it. Good. Now, you just find it in the map and we'll know where we are.

What was it? It won't be on your map, Dad. Oh, yes, it will, mate. This is a

super map.

This map's got a lot of churches, war memorials, horse troughs, everything.

Right. Now, what does the sign say?

Cattle cropping.

It doesn't matter on your map, Steve.

We're lost.

You'll be lost in a minute.

I'm starving.

No, we can't. Where do we get there?

As a matter of interest, Sid, where are we going?

I don't know where we're going.

Well, how will you know when we get there?

Well, we just keep driving until we find somewhere nice, and then we'll be

there. I know somewhere nice. Where?

Home. I wonder if we'll ever see it again.

The way you two are going on, it's very doubtful.

Mike, pass Joey out the car. Look, if we came down that road there, then

obviously we must be around here somewhere.

We are around.

He is somewhere.

I know we're around. He is somewhere.

Are you all right, Joey?

Do you know, I think he's car sick.

Serves him right. Who ever brought a budgie on a picnic?

He is one of the family. He wanted to come.

How do you know?

Well, I could tell by the way he was sitting on his purse just looking at us.

knew we were going out and leaving him.

Hey, I think I know where we are.

Where, where? Go on, where? Well, you see, we were all right up to there. Yes.

And then I missed the next bit because I had my eyes closed.

You're navigating.

You don't navigate with your eyes closed.

But that was when you nearly knocked that man off that motorbike.

You mean when he cut right across in front of me? Only because you overtook

on a bend.

Going uphill.

And nearly forced him into a ditch. And then swore at him. Yes, all right, never

mind about that.

Darling, come on, where are we? You said you knew where we were. Well, I think

we're on this squiggly line here.

I hope not.

Why? That little squiggly blue line is a river.

I wonder how many days it'll be before we're missed.

Perhaps someone will notice the milk piling up on the doorstep.

You're upsetting me.

Shouldn't we go back, Sid?

How can we go back if we don't know where we are?

We can't stay around here all day. Leave it to me, darling.

It's just a matter of getting our bearings from the sun. It rises in the

and it sets in the west.

Ride on, Tonto.

So if I stand here at ten minutes past eleven with the sun on my left cheek,

we'll be heading due south.

Excuse me, Columbus, but what does that prove?

Well, when we left home, we were heading due south. If we keep heading due

south, we're bound to get somewhere something, aren't we?

Yeah, like the English Channel.

Get in the car. Get in the car. Go on, all of you. Go on, you too, Jane.

I'm so ticklish. I'll get out of a nice warm bed, take you for a picnic, and

I'll get nothing but mounds.

Please. Oh, come on, Jane. We'll never get anywhere. Hurry up.

You're absolutely right. Of course I'm right.

You've got a flat tyre.

Oh, blimey, no!

I told you that was glass when you pulled in.

Look at the blooming thing.

Can't you blow it up?

Blow it up? What do you think it is, a balloon?

I'm starving.

Me too. Can we eat? No, we can't. Turn that bloody thing off.

No, darling, it's not your fault. I'll get that tyre fixed in a couple of

minutes. I'll change the wheel. Mike, get the spare wheel.

OK, I'll be back as soon as I can, Dad. You've got nothing to worry about,

Mother. Oi!

Where are you going?

I'm going home.

I told you to get the spare wheel.

That's where it is.

You see, sis, I had to take it out of the boot to be able to get all the

things and everything in.

Get in the car.

Get in the car.

And don't one of you move a muscle out of this car till I come back with a

tire. Hey, Sid.

Yes? Can't you patch this one?

Patch it?

What with, a piece of veal and ham pie?

I spy with my little eye something beginning with... L.

Elderberry. Oh, Mummy.

That doesn't begin with L. Doesn't it?

Lupin. Mike, you're not supposed to be playing.

It's your turn, Mummy.

I spy with my little eye something beginning with... S.

Sun. No, that's one.

Speedometer. No, that's two.

Try safety bell.

Safety bell.

Sycamore tree.

No, but you're getting warmer.

All right, I give up. What is it?

Squirrel.

Squirrel? I can't see any squirrel.

No, it went in that hole in the sycamore tree.

Mummy!

Mum, can we eat now, please? I'm starving.

No, you must wait till your father gets back.

If he gets back.

Well, give him a few more minutes. He must have found a garage by now.

I fixed your bike, Arthur. Yes, it was your throttle.

Mind you, it was very nearly more than that about half an hour ago.

Some bloody lunatic in a grey Cortina nearly forced me off the road.

Would you believe it?

Overtook me on a bend, going up an hill.

If I ever see him again, I'll punch his head in and break his arms off.

He won't want to drive again in a hurry.

Right, pick your bike up when you're ready. Cheerio.

Anybody in?

Shop!

That's a good trick you've got there.

What do you want?

Well, I've just got a little problem. I've got a puncture. You've got a bigger

problem. I'm close. No, no, hang on a minute.

I don't want you to repair it, mate.

I want to buy a spare wheel.

A new, new tyre.

Oh, that's different then. What sort do you want?

24 SP Roadster.

Right.

Sorry I was a bit sharp there.

I've had a very trying morning. Oh, I've had a shocking morning myself, mate.

Some burp nearly forced me in a ditch.

Yeah, well, the nutcase is on the road today. Oh, a minute.

Should be locked up, you know.

If I ever catch up with that twit again, I'll punch his stupid head in.

And he'd deserve it.

Overtook me on a bend. This bloke cut right across in front of me.

Going up a hill.

Good thing I've got quick reflexes.

Going up a hill?

That's right.

On a bend?

Yep.

On a motorbike, were you?

No, no, no, I just wondered if you saw or seen his face, that's all.

No, all I could see was he was smoking a pipe.

Well, he was in a grey Cortina.

Yes, well, I'm in a black Capri, black all over.

Ah, Sunday driver out with the family. Yes, well, I'm on my own, me, just by

myself. Only me, you know. Hello, Dad.

And my son.

Mr Mum's worried about you.

And my wife.

And Sally's hungry, she wants to know where we can eat.

Yeah, my daughter's with us as well.

Just the four of us, you know, driving around in...

My black capri.

What are you on about, Dad? We've got a grey Cortina.

I see.

Yeah, well, you know, I mean, there's just the four of us and a budgie and

having a picnic and we got lost and had the puncture, you see. So how much do I

owe you for the tyre and have a pound for yourself?

You're not getting a tyre.

But if I don't get a tyre, mate, I can't move the car.

Exactly. I'm doing the public a service keeping a menace like you off the road.

Get out of it!

Oh, that's nice.

I'm the one who's been tramping all over the countryside.

Four garages I went in to get that spare.

Well, we've not been having a rave up. Yeah, well, it's all over now, isn't it?

The worst's behind us. The rain's stopped, the car's fixed, and we've got

rest of the day to enjoy ourselves.

We're not staying out all day, are we?

Yes, we are.

Well, when I get home, I'm going to demonstrate against picnics.

I will demonstrate against you in a minute.

At least you've eaten. I'm starving. Right, where's the nosh?

You've lost a lot, haven't you?

Can I have a cup of tea, please?

Oh, there's plenty of tea. Good.

But there's no milk.

Well,

what are we going to do now?

Can't we go home? No, we cannot. I've told you 500 times. We've come out for

day and we're staying out for the day.

I think he's doing it for the Duke of Edinburgh Award.

And you're staying out as well, my darling. Now, I've found a lovely spot.

thoroughly enjoy it. Come on, get the stuff up.

Move them out. Let's go.

Daddy! Yes? We can't...

What do you mean we can't go?

It's Joey.

He's escaped.

Lucky devil.

Escaped? Yes, Mummy. Look, his door's come open.

Oh, poor Joey.

You're quite sure this gannet here hasn't had him on a piece of bread.

It's not funny, Daddy.

Joey's lost.

It's all right. He'll find his way home.

What are you on about? He's a budgie, not a homing pigeon.

He won't know which way to go.

He's got a beak in his head. He can ask someone.

I'm not hanging about here all day for that feathered fool.

He's one of the family.

Don't worry, Sal.

We'll help you look for him.

You are inhuman.

There he is. There he is. Joey. Joey.

That's a robin.

Joey's yellow, not red.

Well, let's give him a quick respray. Nobody will notice.

Sometimes I wonder why I married you.

Joey. Joey.

Joey. Come here, you little...

Come on, Joe.

Joe, Joe.

Joey.

Oh, Joey.

Joe. Good afternoon, sir.

Oh, hello, officer.

Something wrong, is it, sir? Yes, as a matter of fact, we're on a picnic and

we've lost little Joey. Oh, dear.

And the family's out looking for him now and I hope they'll find him. Yeah,

well, perhaps you can tell me how old he is, sir. Four and a half. Four and a

half, eh?

You might come and help.

Four and a half. after you said so? Yes, go on. All right, I'll come in in a

minute, darling. Hang on.

I'll go now and see if I can help the others. Yeah, well, I'll see if I can

some help for you, sir. You go and join the others.

I'll call up the station, see what the sergeant has to say.

Hello, sergeant.

Martin here.

I think we've got a job for the dogs.

There's a little boy gone missing.

kind of peeping Tom?

No, no, I'm trying to find a bird.

Well, you're not getting mine.

No, no, no, not that kind of bird. A bird, you know, with wings.

Forget it.

Was somebody kinky or something?

I heard that.

Joey!

Oh!

Oh, come on, Joey. Blimey, you've had your fun.

I don't want another budgie. I don't want another budgie. I want Joey.

Now see what you've done.

Why do you always have to screw everything up, Dad?

It wasn't my fault.

He probably opened the cage himself.

Actually, he wanted to migrate.

I'd do it too if I could fly.

No sign of him yet then, sir?

No, no. Oh, it might be worth to find him. Satan will soon sniff him out,

you, boy?

Are you sure he knows I'm a friend? Oh, yes, he certainly does, sir.

Otherwise, he'd have had you by the throat by now.

Good dog. Lovely boy. Let's not waste any more time, sir. We're going to find

your little Joey. He's going to help us find jelly.

Yes, don't you worry, madam. We're super funny, boy. Now, why don't you three

people go over in that direction and your husband and I and the dog can go in

the other direction. All right?

Now, sir, have you got anything of Joey's that Satan here can have a little

sniff at?

Ah!

Yes,

that's right, sir.

I'll get his cage.

I beg your pardon?

Joey's cage.

Oh, it's some sort of little toy, is it? No, no, no.

It's a real cage. That's where we keep him.

You mean you keep your little four -year -old in a cage?

Yes. And that's a little bit cruel, sir.

No, no, no. He loves it.

He's got a little ladder and a bell and a mirror.

Gets clean water twice a day.

Mill it three times a week.

You start raving mad, sir.

No, no. Hang on. I'll show it to you. Just a minute.

Come on. We've got to see this thing.

There we are. See, we keep him in this, usually.

He's a budgie.

Well, he's not a cocker spaniel, is he? And I got 14 dogs out just looking for a

budgie. It's not my fault.

Yes, yes, it is my fault. I'm very sorry. All right, calm down, Satan

We'll go for a nice little walk down our lane.

And if this nasty gentleman's still here when we come back, you can have him.

We didn't have to push the car that far, did we?

At least we did have the day together, didn't we?

Well, can't somebody say something?

Mike?

You enjoyed it, didn't you?

Yeah, groovy.

I ruined my boots, I tore my trousers and I broke my beads.

From now on, Dad, Sundays are definitely out.

Good night, Mum.

Good night, dear.

Sally? Definitely a day to forget.

Good night, dear.

Wasn't so bad, was it? It was.

It was the worst Sunday I can ever remember.

I've got grease on my skirt, I've laddered my tights and I've caught a

The next time you want to stay in bed on a Sunday, you can stay there till

Monday. Good night.

We had lots of fresh air, didn't we?

Sunshine? I know we had a bit of rain, yes.

You had a good flap around, didn't you, driving everybody potty?

You enjoyed it, didn't you?