Original subtitles

VTR Thames 5394 Part 1 Take 1

Still past two to struck again.

Hello, flower.

I've done it. I've done it.

Congratulations. What have you done, flower?

Will you stop calling me flower?

Oh, sorry.

Do I look like a flower?

Castor.

Where's me order for?

In your hand.

Oh, blimey. How'd it get there? It leapt right off the desk, Petal.

Petal, flower. I was born in a hospital, not Kew Gardens.

You were looking at a man who had just done this for him, the biggest favour in

the world.

You've handed in your notice.

You're looking at a fellow who was just, just... This minute sold 92 gross

plastic leather diaries. Well, what's so brilliant about that, then? They were

last year's.

Plastic leather diaries. Hello.

1971. Yeah.

That was Barclay Stationers. Oh, yes. They've cancelled your order.

Oh.

They noticed.

Never mind, Flower. I'll make you a nice cup of coffee. How would you like it,

Blossom? Out of a watering can.

Oh, she's a thrower.

Forget it. Forget it.

I'm going home. What a waste of a day.

Oh, I wouldn't say it was wasted.

Your little buyer from Carter's rang.

What buyer? Daphne Messenger.

Oh, her.

Can I speak to Sidney Abbott, please? Yeah, no more about that. What did she

say? She said, tell him to come up and see me any time and I'll take a look at

what he's got to offer.

Don't do that.

No, I'm not seeing you tonight.

Who's flipped? I haven't flipped.

Welcome to her. And she's welcome to you.

We're finished.

I finished with him.

Finished with who?

That thing.

Which thing?

Peter thing.

Oh, you mean Peter thing with the big brown eyes and the super smile and the

fabulous voice and the sexy walk.

He's a two -timing creep.

Oh, he's been spreading himself around a little bit.

No need to get your knickers in a twist, is there?

Anyway, who's the other chick?

Brenda Hawkins.

Whoops. You do need to get your knickers in a twist.

She's a... You know, what she's got's not her own. Well, from what I've seen,

she's made a jolly good swap.

But he's been seeing you every night. When would he get time to see her?

Every night, after me.

Oh, dear.

He's been doing shift work.

I'll never trust another man.

Of course you will, darling.

I used to think that till I met your father.

What does that mean?

Well, suppose some dolly bird goes up to Dad and says, Hey, man, I dig you.

Let's make sweet music.

Well, your father... Your father would have to dig her back, wouldn't he?

And if I know your father, he wouldn't know where to start digging.

It's only what's doing naturally, Mum.

To your father, doing what comes naturally is behaving himself.

Anyway, he's not like other men.

He's kind and gentle and considerate. And dull.

And dull.

He's not dull. He's decent.

Just because he's decent, you think he's dull. Well, you don't know your father.

He never looks at another woman.

Never loses his temper.

Never uses bad language.

What the bloody hell are you talking about?

I simply say... I heard what you said. Calm down, Sid. Oh, something.

I've just come in here for a quiet drink, that's all. I wish I'd never

George Best. He said it again.

Oh, blimey, Sid. Give it a rest, will you?

What are you having to drink, Sid? Oh, I have a pint.

Sid? Large scotch.

Thank you.

Two pints and a large scotch, please.

Only way I can get him to buy a drink is if I do me nuts.

Feeling better, then?

Yes, thank you.

How's it going, Ainsley?

Oh, shocking. I won't get any salary this month. They'll just chuck something

me hat.

I thought you had a big order coming up. Oh, yes. You mean my whoppers?

Your whoppers?

My whopper pads.

Oh. That buyer from Carter's is just waiting to pounce on them.

Well, what are you worrying about, then? She's waiting to pounce on me as well.

Such that if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours, eh?

It's not my back she's interested in.

Well, look, Sid, I mean, if you want a bit of business after that, she's going

to want a bit of you, isn't she?

20 years I've been married, matey. Never even looked at another woman.

Never even looked.

I've looked.

Never touched.

She's just my type, she is.

They're all your bloomin' type.

Even Greasy Gladys down the fish and chip shop is your type.

Greasy Gladys was very tasty.

Especially when she shook her salt and vinegar.

Anyway, she was a bloomin' sight better than that bandy -legged usherette that

fancied you.

He wasn't bandy. It was the heavy tray made her walk funny.

One for yourself.

Going a bit strong, ain't you, Sid? Thought you had to go home.

What do you mean, had to go home? If I want a drink, I have a drink.

Why isn't he on time?

His dinner's getting all dried up.

Hey, I wonder if he's still at the office.

Oh, come on, Mum. Anybody would think he'd gone off with another woman.

He wouldn't know what to do with her.

He could always go on a refresher course.

Have you seen her legs, Sid? Yes, I've seen them. They go all the way up to the

top and then they get cheeky.

I could really fix myself up there. Oh, yes. In hospital, if Betty finds out.

Phone call for you, Sid.

Oh, yeah. It's a bird.

A bird?

Go on, get in there, Sid.

Now, now.

You're now speaking to Sidney Abbott.

Hello, Sidney.

Me.

Me? Who's me?

You know, me.

Oh, yes, you.

Hang on a minute.

It's you. It's Daphne, isn't it?

Jenny told me you phoned the office today.

Lovely, darling.

Oh, blimey, you haven't. I've got a sexy voice.

Oh,

blimey, yes.

So you want to see me, do you?

Oh, yes, darling.

I want to see you.

What about tomorrow night? You're free, aren't you? I've got a husband to worry

about, have you?

Hey, look. Look, I tell you.

I've got to go down to the station tomorrow night to pick up a parcel.

Why don't you meet me in the buffet at 8 o 'clock? Then straight up to your

place and we're away.

See you then, darling.

And, hey, Daphne, don't forget to wear your red ones.

Who was it then, Steve?

A certain delicious redhead I know.

Oh, redhead.

Oh, I know the type, mate. You'll have a bit of fun there.

Log fire, a few acrobatics on your sheepskin rug.

You'll be all right.

As long as you're double -jointed.

To your information, the redhead was Gene.

All these years I've trusted him, believed in him, and what happens?

another woman.

But he hasn't made a date with another woman. He's made a date with you.

But he thinks he's made a date with another woman.

In the station buffet.

Can you imagine anything more sordid? I don't know what you're getting so hung

up about, Mum.

She won't turn up. He'll probably spend the whole evening train spotting.

I think it's got something to do with his age, Mummy.

Randy Sandy says that men are like horses.

They always like to have a last leap at the fence before they come home to

graze.

graze around here.

When he gets home, you'll find the stable door locked.

What are you talking about, Mummy?

Nobody will be there.

Daphne. I remember her.

She was at the firm's annual party.

What's she like, Mummy?

Couldn't tell what she was like. She was draped from head to foot in green and

silver lurex.

I thought she was the Christmas tree.

So what are you going to do?

I'm going to keep calm.

That's what I'm going to do.

And I can't sleep with the light on.

I'll toss you for it.

Heads. That's it.

Sid. Hmm?

I can't sleep.

How do you know? You haven't even tried.

I don't feel tired.

Well, I do. Good night.

Sid. Oh, blimey, what?

Talk to me.

Go to sleep.

Hey, I've talked to you. Good night.

Is that all you've got to say to me? Good night?

You keep talking, I'll be saying good morning.

You haven't told me what kind of day you had.

I'm more interested in the kind of night I'm going to have.

So what kind of day did you have?

Very odd.

Is that all?

Nothing exciting happened?

Did you get any phone calls?

Hundreds.

Unusual ones?

Yes, one.

Business? No.

Friend? Friend.

Close friend?

Intimate.

How intimate?

Intimately intimate.

Sid? Oh, blimey, what?

Randy Sandy says men are like horses.

Horses?

Before they come home for their...

Some enchanted evening.

You will see a stranger.

You will find your true love.

Hi,

Dad. Going anywhere special?

No.

Give me that bottle of aftershave.

Which one?

That one. Savage.

For that special date, be savage.

And you're not going anywhere special?

No. My loincloth's in the wash and I've lost my spear.

So, where are you going?

A nude barbecue with Raquel Welch.

Oh, come on, don't have to get uptight with me. I can dig the thing.

Oh, God, why don't you just stick to grunting? It makes more sense.

Well, it's a drag, Dad. It's a real drag.

What's a drag?

Well, heavy chicks when they get hung up on you.

First of all, we're hung up, then we're uptight, and now we've got a heavy

-hanging chick.

I'll give in.

All right, so I'll try using your language.

You sure you understand it?

Look, I'm talking about birds, Dad. When they get stuck on you. Oh, birds, them.

Yeah, well, you've got to unload them. Oh, yes, you've got to.

So, what do you do?

What do you do?

Well, I use this, man.

No wonder you're in lumber.

You've got to take them out for one last big rave up, tell them they're a real

gas, and then you've got to tell them you feel it. Right here.

And then you tell them you're never going to see them again.

Yeah, Groovy, you've got to be with it, Dad.

You do it your way, mate, you'll be without it.

He's been up there.

Anyone would think he was a bride getting ready for a wedding.

Jane!

Yes?

Somebody's pinched all my shirts.

Mummy?

I've washed them all.

So now he can't go out, can he?

Well, if he does, he'll have to go in his vest.

Sally, put the tea on.

When he comes down, we'll all have a nice cup of tea.

He's coming down.

No, sit in the chair, Sally. Your father will want to sit there.

He always likes a nice cup of tea after his bath.

He'll probably come in in his dressing gown and slippers and settle down and

say... I'm off.

You've got a shirt on.

You expect me to go out in my vest?

Do you like it?

I hate it.

Where'd it come from?

You tell me. You gave it to me for my birthday. It's been on top of the

ever since.

four years.

You can't expect me to wait for family funerals, can you?

When even your Aunt Nellie's getting better. Might be years before I wear it

again.

You've used my bubble bath.

No, I didn't use it. I spilt it in the bath.

And my hair lacquer. Yes. Well, see you.

Have a good time. Sit up.

He's gone.

Yes, he's gone.

He's gone to meet her in my shirt.

his face when she doesn't turn up.

I hope she doesn't turn up.

Well, it serves her right, doesn't it? Making funny phone calls to her husband.

Well, you've really put yourself in it now, haven't you, sir? What are you

talking about? She let me out, didn't she? I mean, your Betty would have put

an electric fence.

Yeah, but you've got to go home, haven't you?

It's all a waste of time. You're raving mad, you are. You could have been in

that buyer's flat now.

Yes, scribbling me orders down on the sheets.

Actually, the night's still young. If you sneak round there now... You'll be

time for your hot milk.

I'm going home for my hot milk.

You'll get it thrown over your head as you walk in.

It's all a joke, isn't it?

She's a good sport, Jean. She'll be laughing her head off.

I'll kill him!

I don't feel any better.

Sally, your father's driven me to drink.

You know something?

Women are masochists.

Yeah, you're right, Sue.

I reckon I'm doing Jean a favour.

Well, how do you make her out then?

I'm giving her the pleasure of torturing herself.

Is Dad back yet, then?

No, he's been gone three hours.

Well, he's probably been arrested for loitering.

I'll tell you where he's gone.

She didn't turn up, so he's gone round to her place to find out why.

So where are you going?

Round to her place.

You can't do that. You don't know where she lives.

Oh, yes, I do.

We gave her a lift home from the party that night.

I wouldn't go round there if I were you, Mummy. You might see something you

don't want to see.

Well, I won't be the only one, will I?

When I get round there, they'll see something they don't want to see.

Me.

Do you think she'll be all right?

Yes, she'll be all right. It's the other woman I'm worried about.

Well, why didn't you go with her?

Because I might see something I don't want to see.

Where's your mum?

Don't you speak to me.

Only ask where your mother was. You know where she is. Hi, Dad.

Don't you call him Dad.

You hear that? She doesn't want you to call me Dad. From now on, call me

You're not my father.

You're an animal.

Dad, would you sit down for a minute, please? I'd like to... What is all this

about? Where's your mother? So she's gone out? Out where?

Well, it doesn't matter. I've got a problem I'd like to talk to you about.

Yeah.

Well, if it's lolly, I haven't got any. If it's the car, you can't have it. And

if it's birds, I thought you were unloading.

It's not exactly my problem that I want to talk about.

It's more your problem.

Is it?

Yeah. You see, I know where you've been tonight, Dad.

You do?

Yeah. And you can tell me it's none of my business, if you like.

Oh, why should I? I never kept it a secret, have I?

What do you mean, you tell people?

Well, I don't have to tell them, do I? They'll see me there, don't they?

Who sees you there?

Everybody, all the fellas that go there.

I've got nothing to be ashamed of, have I? It's the only bit of recreation I

get.

You really don't care at all?

Look, son, I work hard. I don't ask for much.

All I look forward to all day long is stopping off there on the way home for a

quick one.

But, Dad, I don't want to know all the sordid details. I mean, you know, that's

your scene.

Of course it's my scene.

I mean, if I want a drink, I have a drink.

A drink? Yes. Well, I'm going to bed.

Wish I knew where your mother was.

Yes? Where is he?

Where's who?

My husband.

They didn't tell me he was married.

They don't, is the rule. They usually leave that to their wives.

Darling. Yes?

You can wipe that grin off your face. The wife's here.

Wife? What wife?

Well, how many have you got?

She's in Canada.

Well, she'd come home by rocket.

You're not my husband.

I'm not your husband.

Well, I just popped round to say that Christmas tree that you wore at the

was good.

More tea, please.

I should think so. What an idea, me hanging around railway stations waiting

women. What do you think I am, the man in the Macintosh?

Well, I said I'm sorry, Sid.

Come on, my daughter talks to me like I'm a mass rapist.

Can't we forget all about that?

I've forgotten it. The whole thing is forgotten.

Thank you.

I would just like you to know, however, that you're married to a fine, decent,

upstanding fella.

I know, Sid.

More toast, please.

There'll be complete, complete trust between us, right?

Yes, dear.

And, uh, if I want to go out, I shall go out. No questions, no answers.

Yes, dear.

Right. Where are you going?

Oh, I'm just popping to Becky next door. Won't be long.

Oh, wait.

Don't have a quick affair while you're out, will you?

I haven't time. I've got all your shirts to iron. Daddy.

Oh, it's Daddy now, is it?

What happened to that animal that was prowling around here last night?

I...

Well, I'd like you to know that I've taken the antidote, my fangs have gone

in, and I'm back to normal.

So here we are. Fill up the teapot for your Jekyll and Hyde father, and we'll

call it quits.

Don't just sit there.

Hello?

Yeah, can you hang on a minute?

Dad? Yeah?

It's for you.

A woman, is it?

Jean again.

Some more gel.

Wanted to teach her another lesson.

Hello, darling.

Can't leave me alone, can you?

No, no, no, let me do the talking.

Jean's just gone next door. If I start talking a load of rubbish, you'll know

she's come back.

Same place as last time, right?

I'll bring the booze, you wear your red ones, and we'll have a nice little

session of every breathing, eh?

With a bit of luck, baby, we'll get it together.

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0