Original subtitles

Bye.

That was a lovely meal, Sid.

It was fabulous, Daddy.

Yep, I couldn't eat another thing, Dad. I'm not surprised.

You've been going at it like a genic. Well, when you're young, you need to eat

lot of food. I burn up a lot of energy. Oh, I'll grant you that. Must take a lot

out of you, combing your hair.

You're just jealous, Daddy, because you're going bald.

I am not going bald. All right, receiving.

It's not receiving. I've just got a very high forehead, that's all.

Well, it gets higher every year.

That's enough, children.

Take no notice, my darling.

I think you're still very attractive.

So do I.

Thank you.

What is that?

It's a doggy bag.

We haven't got a doggy.

It's not a doggy bag. It's for Daddy.

Yes, I might have picked it late.

And who eats like a garrot? Are you ready, Mr. Abbott? Not yet. I'll let you

know.

What was all that about?

Nothing. What have you got to let the pianist know?

Nothing. You're not going to sing, are you, Dad? No, I'm not.

strange going on. What have you done?

What have I done?

You must have done something. This lot's going to cost a bomb.

Yeah, he's obviously feeling very guilty about something.

You must admit, Sid, you don't usually splash out like this.

I've brought you out tonight to celebrate a very special occasion.

You've been promoted.

No. You've been slapped.

No.

Come on, Daddy.

All right, what is today?

Tuesday. Yeah, but it's a very special Tuesday.

It's not Pancake Tuesday, is it? No.

Twenty -five years ago today, your mother and I met for the very first

Oh, Sid.

The first you're remembering.

Well, how could I forget? It was just after the war, wasn't it? War or Crimea?

You've been romantic.

I'm sorry.

I think that's a lovely thought and a lovely surprise.

I've got another surprise for you.

Oi, oi.

Right, now... Yes, Ducky?

Now, hold...

special request for Sid and June.

Gene. Oh, believe me, I can't read my own writing. Sid and Gene, hoping it

bring them both happy memories.

I'll have to get my bound back up in.

Don't know where, don't know when. Come on.

Come on where? On the floor.

You mean to talk?

Oh, don't you abolish it. Come on. Oh, no. Come on.

It was

more

like hate at first

sight. Well, come on. Tell us about it. Well, when I first met your father, I

thought he was pushing, overbearing, conceited.

Isn't he fantastic, Sal? All these years, and he's never changed.

I can't believe it.

25 years ago, I was a very good -looking fella.

You see, Mike, Daddy has changed.

It's no risk that you can't win.

Well, go on.

Well, it was just after the war, and I was a wren. A what?

A lady sailor.

Corporal's bed warmers, we used to call them.

I was a corporal.

Anyway, I was on my way home after being demobbed. Wait a minute. And I was on

my way home after being demobbed.

Bless them all.

Bless them all.

Come on, all ticketed in.

We've all got our ticket. The sergeant can stick it such here at my leg. Bless

them all.

Here, I've just been... How do you do?

How do you do?

How do you do?

I've just been demobbed.

Congratulations. Thank you.

Want a swallow, Jack? No, thank you. Sit yourself.

Hold that a minute.

Right,

we did it, didn't we?

I beg your pardon?

That's three between us. We won the war, didn't we?

We wiped the floor with our lad off, didn't we?

Well, there were one or two other people involved, I believe.

Yes, we gave them a right full belt, didn't we, eh, Jack?

Yes, didn't we? Yeah, Fritz won't try it again in a hurry, will he? Eh, Wings?

No. If he does, mate, I'm not flaming going.

Very good, Wings.

Well, just a minute, mate. I didn't get these for nothing, you know.

And what do you think this is?

Scrambled egg?

They offered me a commission, you know.

Really? Yeah.

I told him I didn't want to turn it down. I said, I want to be the lads, I

I don't want to fight the war from behind the desk in Whitehall.

Which desk were you behind then?

I was with Fighter Command at Biggin Hill.

You?

Russian convoys.

Yeah, well, we all did have it, didn't we?

Biggin Hill, eh?

That's right.

Wasn't all being a brokering there, was it?

Hardly.

You did a good job there, mush.

How sweet of him to say so. Not at all.

What was it Winston said?

Never have so many had so little. No.

Never have so few been out.

No.

Now, don't tell me. I'll get it. Never have so few had so much of it sweating

the beaches. That's it.

He's somebody, that, isn't he?

Russian convoys, eh?

Yes. Big ships, was it?

Frigate. That's nice language, isn't it?

I commanded a frigate. Oh, good. Well done, Jack.

All together then for Jack. A rule.

Britannia. Britannia. Would you mind shutting up?

I'm not trying to be cheerful.

And we did win, didn't we?

Eh? I mean, it's like a little bit of happiness after five years of suffering,

isn't it? Just as a matter of interest, where were you during the conflict? On

the home front, I assume.

Just where you're wrong, mate.

Three solid years abroad I was.

Oh, Tommy, she's rocking about a bit, isn't she?

Three solid years, mate.

I didn't have it cushy here in Brightly. Oh, no, not swigging gin and knocking

back rum in the wardrobe.

Oh, no, when you come down to it, mate, it's the ordinary British Tommy wins the

war.

PBI, mate, the Poor Bleeding Infantry, that's it.

And that's where I was, right down there in the front line, where the action

was. And where were you, Montgomery?

Western Desert or Normandy?

I'm a man.

I thought you said you were where the action was. Believe me, matey, on a

Saturday night over there, the action was there all the time.

So you didn't actually go overseas there?

That's where you're wrong, matey. I was one of the first.

1939, it was.

Never forget it. Just outside Lyon, it was.

Murdered those first few weeks.

Never seen so much blood.

We weren't fighting the Germans at Lyon.

I'm not talking about the Germans.

We were fighting the froggies.

The froggies were on our side.

Not where we were, matey.

Murder's going on there. They didn't like us missing the bat with their

Oh, those birds.

Oh, jolly.

Oh, go blimey how jolly they were.

They'd do anything for a packet of duty freeze.

I'll bet you got your share, didn't you?

Did you actually ever see a German?

Of course I actually saw a German.

Here, hold that a minute.

Where do you think I got that?

Good Lord.

Was that the Victoria Cross?

No, the Iron Cross.

Where the hell did you get that?

From a German general.

You were on our side, weren't you? Of course I was on our side.

I captured his whole section.

You did?

Yeah, with a couple of hundred other fellas.

And as a mark of respect, he gave me his Iron Cross, his tin hat and his

binoculars. That was extremely generous of him. Yeah, well, it was a fair swap.

And what did you give him in return?

Half a bottle of chocolate and a piece of salt.

Where are we?

Where do you want to get off?

Uxbridge. That's where we are.

Oh, that's it. That's me.

Maybe we'll meet again sometime, eh? When Greg's drummer's here once more.

together then. Goodbye.

Bless them all.

Bless them all.

I say.

According to the sign out there, the station's called Little Puddington.

Really? Well, you just tell that soldier, Chappie, it was Uxbridge.

I'd have told him it was Berlin if it had got rid of him.

Oh, Admiral.

Yes, sir?

That sign out on the platform there says Little Puddleton.

That's right, and it's in all our seats.

But he's got no right to be. This is Uxbridge.

Come, come, Tommy Atkins.

There's no need for subterfuge now. The conflict's over.

Didn't anyone tell you? The Hun's been vanquished.

Is this Uxbridge?

Well, it wasn't this morning.

This shows how stupid I was to... Pardon, sir?

Never mind.

Can I get a train from here to Uxbridge? Oh, yes, indeed, sir. Little Puddington

may be small, but we're fully functional.

Oh, good. What's the time? What time is it, then?

Er... 10 .35, sir. No, no, no. The train, you fool.

Beg your pardon, sir. 10 .15.

Oh, God, I've missed it.

No, no, you've plenty of time, sir. 10 .15 in the morning, sir.

In the morning?

Oh, God, what a shoddy night I'm going to have.

Excuse me. Yes, sir? Could you tell me what is the next train to Uxbridge?

10 .15, sir.

Tomorrow.

Yeah, looks like we'll have to keep down here tonight, darling.

Isn't there a hotel?

Oh, yes.

There's the Oak Lodge Guesthouse. Shall I give them a ring for you? Thank you.

I'll see if I can put me up as well. Very good, sir.

So you're in Uxbridge, eh?

Yes, I live there.

I'm going to Uxbridge as well.

It's a small world, isn't it?

It's getting smaller.

Which part of Uxbridge do you live in?

Uxbridge.

You know where I live?

Up a garage walk.

I must be very pleasant for you.

Shocking.

Here. I did a job for a fellow in Uxbridge. A fellow by the name of

Oh, a shocking old miser he was. The biggest old twit in Uxbridge.

Really? Yeah.

I don't know how I ever made him a counsellor. You know him.

He's my father.

You've done some good work, that fellow. I voted for him.

Was it something I said?

It was everything you said.

You're losing your grip, matey.

I've been out in the guest house, sir. All they got is one double room.

You sure?

Definitely, sir. I'm afraid you're out of luck. Shall I tell the officer? Sure,

I'll tell her. Hang on, hang on.

It's quite blooming like a first night home and there's only one room.

Double room, he said.

Double room can accommodate two people, can't it?

No, she never agreed to that.

She would if I didn't tell her.

Go away!

She doesn't know what she's missing.

Thank you.

The what sits at the end of the corridor.

Pull twice to flush.

Thank you, Mrs... Grimshaw.

Mr. Grimshaw will bring you a cup of tea in the morning.

That's very kind of you. Good night, then.

Good night.

Come on, Arthur.

Everything all right, then?

Well, it's not exactly the Savoy, but it'll do for one night.

How's your room? Oh, I can't grumble.

Is it like this one?

It is this one.

Pardon? There isn't another room I thought we could share.

I wouldn't share with you.

Well, don't knock it till you've tried it, darling.

Mom to you, Corporal, and stand to attention when you address an officer.

Oh, God, here we go. Don't call me Corporal. I've been demobbed.

Demobbed or not, you can find yourself another room.

Well, Blum, it's only for one night.

I don't care if it's only for one minute.

Well, you don't have to worry about what the Grimshaw's think. I don't care what

the Grim... Why shouldn't I worry what the Grimshaw's think?

I told them we were married.

It's raining.

For the last time, get out.

You can't tell me how it's pouring out there. I don't care if it's a monsoon.

You're not staying here.

Oh, so this is the land fit for heroes.

How quickly we forget.

Five years in the Malayan jungle, catching the Japs, tsetse fly, malaria,

very, just so that you can lie safe and snug in your little sheets.

Which is more than I would be if you were here.

All right, then. I respect your wishes.

I'll see you in Luxbridge.

Oh! Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Are you all right?

It's just my wound.

It always plays up in the rain. I'll be all right. Don't worry.

Corporal? Yes, madam?

I've been thinking... I was thinking it is raining rather hard. I was chucking

it down out there.

And you are wounded.

It's all right. I've got my painkillers.

You can stay here.

Great. Which side of the bed do you want? I said that you could share the

but that doesn't include the bed.

Well, where am I going to sleep?

There's a perfectly good chair there.

We could put the pillow between us.

I wouldn't share the... this bed with you if we had a brick wall between us.

Oh, all right.

What are you doing?

Getting undressed.

What for?

Well, I usually get undressed to go to bed, don't I?

I've done that ever since I was a child.

Well, you can't strip off in here.

What do you want me to strip off in the wardrobe?

Well, you can go outside, get undressed there.

I'm not stripping off in that drafty corridor.

Well, wait until...

can come in and get undressed.

Oh, I see.

It's all right for you to have a butchers, but not me.

Don't flatter yourself.

I'll pull the clothes over my head.

I don't know what you're so modest about. I've seen it all before.

Not mine, you haven't.

There's nothing to be ashamed of in the human body. I mean, we're only animals.

Wound's better.

Eh? Oh, yeah, well, it comes and goes.

Oh! And it's moved as well. It was in the other leg before.

Well, it's the other wound, you see.

You've got two war wounds.

As a matter of fact, I've got three.

The other one only hurts when I ride a bicycle.

something. No, thanks.

Wife all right?

Oh, yeah, she's fine, thank you.

Don't come in yet, I'm not impressed.

She's very shy, you see.

She sounds it.

Yeah, well, we haven't been married long.

How long?

This morning.

You're on your honeymoon.

I suppose I am.

What is it, love? They're a honeymoon couple.

Isn't it romantic?

Some fellas have all the luck.

Arthur, you will be careful, won't you?

Pardon? Of the bed.

Oh, yes.

It's like my Arthur passed its best.

Yes. It's all right. You can come in now. I'm ready.

Excuse me. Get stuck in.

Get stuck in, Zodio.

Show your boots.

I've come overall.

You know.

Good. We won't need this then.

What

do

you want?

Would you mind coming to the surface for a minute?

Are you decent?

No.

But I'm fully dressed, if that's what you mean.

You're selfish.

I'm not selfish and you're not...

disturb you, but I wonder if you could do me a favour.

I know what it is.

You're nervous.

No, no, no. Would you like a drop of something? Give you a bit of Dutch

No, no, I just want... Look, I know exactly how you feel.

My Arthur was a bag of nerves on our first night.

Give it away. Listen, come in and have a large scotch. It's a good idea, but all

I want is an extra blanket.

An extra blanket?

On your honeymoon?

Well, I'm cold after the jungle, you know. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realise.

Look, there's a couple of spare blankets in that cupboard under the stairs.

Thank you very much. You're very kind.

Are you coming to bed?

Arthur.

Arthur, I've been thinking.

Look, they're on their honeymoon.

Why don't we give them our room? They'll be much more comfortable.

Well, what about us? Oh, don't be so selfish.

Oh, all right then. Look, I tell you what. You go and tell them and I'll go

change the sheets.

Right -o.

Go away!

Excuse me?

It's no use your pleading. You're not going to get it.

Well, I hope so. I've just emptied the hot water bottle.

No, just take your clothes off and get on the chair.

I don't think Doris would like that.

Oh, I'm sorry.

You go with Arthur. We're giving you our room for the night.

Oh, no, really? No, we insist. It'll be much more comfy.

Arthur, you go and set the electric fires on. Yes, love.

Well, it's very kind of you. Oh, no, it's a pleasure. It's lovely and warm in

there. You'll be comfortable.

It's a pleasure to give it to you. Thank you. All right.

Good night.

Good night.

to bed.

Bed? Yes.

Did you say come to bed?

Come on, hurry up.

He chucked us out.

What a lovely story, Daddy.

Yeah, groovy. It makes the naked flesh sound like the epilogue.

So where did you finally spend the night? We went back to the station

room and slept there.

What? You did share a room? Not really.

Your mother slept in the waiting room. I slept in the ladies' loo.

How did you two ever make the team together?

Oh, just my personality.

The very next day she was round up my place begging and pleading with me.

I had to. He'd take my suitcase.

I still fancy you.

Hang on, Sal. I can hear the rumblings of a population explosion.

Darling,

it was a lovely surprise.

I've got another surprise for you. What's that?

I haven't brought me wallet.