All language subtitles for Bless This House s01e08 The Day Of Rest.eng

Oh, 25 seconds, I've got to find
somewhere to speak.

VTR Thames 3979, part 1, take 1.

It's marvellous, isn't it? It's all I
need on a Sunday morning.

What's wrong now?

Somebody's pinched the plug off the wash
basin.

Well, it must be in there somewhere.

It is not in there.

Well, can't you plug it up with a piece
of paper?

I did.

Oh, well, that's all right, then. It is
not all right, then.

Why isn't it? Because the piece of paper
I plugged it up with has gone down the

bunghole.

And it's blocked up the waste pipe.

Oh, Sid, it hasn't. It has. And I've got
to spend my blooming day off unblocking

it. Oh, Sid, I'll get the plumber in.

I am quite capable of unblocking it
myself.

Oh, I hate you doing the plumbing when
you're in a bad temper.

I am not in a bad temper.

No, but you will be the minute you
start.

I will be if you keep going on.

Oh, Sid, it's your day of rest. It's
Sunday.

You must be joking.

Oh, God, that means that all day
yesterday, he was banging away at those

of iron.

They're not lumps of iron to him. All
those shapes have an inner meaning.

He's an artist, Sid.

Artists have to work when the
inspiration moves them.

Well, why can't it be moved by something
quiet?

Like oil painting or raffia work or
something.

No, that wouldn't be any good. He'd
plait his hair with a plait.

Why can't he do it in a plumbing garage?

It's warmer in his bedroom.

Yeah, it was last week when he set fire
to it.

It was an accident.

Accident?

Accident? He was welding in there,
welding in his bedroom.

Well, he's offered to buy a new curtain.

How can he? He never has any money.

Ah, yes, well, that's because you don't
give him enough, isn't it?

I don't give a... Ow!

He's at his finger.

Oh, dear.

I hope.

Sid.

Just as long as the new people next door
don't think I'm ill -treating him.

Well, they can't say anything. Our party
didn't finish till three o 'clock and

they were still making a racket then.

Oh, love.

He only moved in yesterday.

I mean, people make a noise moving in.

And if he keeps that up, they'll be
moving out again.

I wish you'd be more tolerant of Mike,
Sid.

I mean, I wish you'd take an interest in
what he's doing. I would if I knew what

he was doing.

Mummy, lend me a pair of tights. Would
again?

Yes, I caught these on that barbed wire
on the landing.

Barbed wire.

She's right.

Barbed wire?

There's a bloody great roll of it on the
landing.

I tell you, I'm going to hide that boy.

Now, remember, be tolerant.

Tolerant? Yes.

Certainly.

Be tolerant.

Are you coming in, Dad?

No, no, just a small recce patrol.

Marvellous fortifications you've got out
here.

Very well laid.

Well, you need a Bren gun on the stairs,
a few landmines, and you're virtually

impregnable. What are you talking about?

Who are you expecting?

Nobody. Just as well, they'd never get
through.

Oh, if you're going on about the barbed
wire, don't worry, I'm going to bring it

in. I only brought it up for this.

Couldn't you put that in the garage?

Not without moving the car. And you've
got the keys, I didn't want to wake you.

It's very considerate. Well, it's handy,
and I know how you like a bit of a

line. Do you mind not banging that for a
minute?

I thought I told you to do this in the
garage.

I thought you just meant the welding.

Never mind.

Your mother told me that I shouldn't
keep getting on at you because it'll

your development.

Gord only knows what it's stunt in the
mind.

Nevertheless, I'll take her advice and
I'll try to be more tolerant.

Oh, thanks a lot, Dad. All right. Stand
back, please. Thank you.

What is it? It's an abstract.

It's an old bicycle frame.

I knew you wouldn't dig it. Oh, no, I've
dug it. Oh, I've dug it.

It's an abstract bicycle frame.

What's it called?

Frontal nude protesting.

Frontal nude protesting.

Yeah. Excuse me.

Which is the front?

It's non -dimensional.

It's an abstract protest.

I know that.

I mean, it's obvious, isn't it?

What sex is it?

Sex? Yes, is it male or female, or
hasn't it made up its mind yet?

Oh, Dad, you're wasting our time. You
could look at this for a thousand years

and you wouldn't see what it was about.

I know what I have seen. What?

What?

Now, don't touch that. That's a vital
part of it. Is it?

Well, it'll just have to manage without
it, won't it? You've completely ruined

it, because that was its... That was its
what?

Well, it was its sort of... All right,
all right.

In that case, it really has got
something to protest about.

protesting in the garage.

Have you seen them yet, Mum?

Seen who, dear? The new people from next
door.

No, they moved in while we were out
shopping.

Heard them, though. They were still
banging nails into the wall long after

went to bed.

There they are.

Guess where I found it.

Where? Hanging on Michael and Joel's
abstract bicycle.

It's not funny, Daddy.

done. Get away.

You've seen it, then, haven't you? Yes,
and I think it's a masterpiece.

Then you know what it's supposed to
mean?

Of course.

It's a protesting nude.

What else could it possibly be?

And that, Daddy, was a very important
part of it.

At her age, do you think she ought to be
looking at things like that?

Then it could corrupt her, you know. Oh,
see.

Hey, what do you want for breakfast?
Orange juice or Alka -Seltzer?

Very funny.

Mum?

Where are the matches? I thought I told
you not to do any welding in your

bedroom. I'm not doing it in the
bedroom. I'm doing it in the garage.

Don't you think it's time he bought his
own matches?

Oh, leave him alone, please. Leave him
alone?

You amaze me.

I smoke my pipe in bed, you stand over
me with a bucket of water.

He wanders through the house with a
flamethrower and you say, leave him

Don't fight.

All right, I won't say another word.

Just put the kettle on and make 12 cups
of tea.

The fire brigade.

We want to keep them happy. We've got to
keep them right.

Hey, there's a man staring in here.

Good luck to him.

He's coming up to the front door.

He's rung a bell.

You can't see what he wants. I can't go
looking like this.

I don't look too good myself.

You'll never notice.

Oh, how do you do? How do you do? We
moved in next door yesterday.

Oh, come right in.

Oh, you love it round here. Nice people.

I don't want to worry you, but I'd
rather think your house is on fire.

Oh, my God, he's gone in again.

Gene, put the kettle on.

There's a shower of sparks coming from
the garage.

Sparks? Any flames?

Well, I didn't see any flames, only
sparks.

Oh, that's all right, then. All right,
Gene, forget it.

It's my son. He's always doing it.

Sparking? No, welding.

Oh, I see.

Well, I'm sorry to have worried you. Not
at all. I think it's very nice of you

to bother to come round and tell us.
Well, actually, I was coming in anyway.

can't find where the main water turns
on. Oh, that's right. You round it back.

I'll be with you.

Here we are. Come on, I'll show you. Oh,

just look at this place.

I hope your father's boozy friends
enjoyed themselves.

Well, better get started, I suppose.

I'll just go upstairs and do my
homework. Out of your way.

Oh, no, you're not getting out of it
that way. Come on.

Oh, blimey, what a mess this room's in.

What have you been doing all this time?

What have you been doing all this time?
You've been in there an hour.

Oh, he was putting up some pelmets, so I
gave him a hand.

Hey, what are they like?

Sort of green with gold tassels.

No, the people.

Oh, the people.

Very nice.

They're coming in for a cup of coffee.

They're what?

I've asked them in to have a cup of
coffee. When?

Oh, in about ten minutes.

But they can't. I mean, look at the face
of the place.

Oh, it's better than theirs. They
haven't even got any carpets down.

Sid, how can you do it? Just look at it.
It's all right. I've told them it's

always a mucky beer on Sundays.

Thank you very much. Now what will they
think of me?

Oh, blimey, they'll understand. I
thought you'd like to meet them.

Oh, I could kill you.

Sal, you help your mother. I'll go make
some coffee. No, you take the cigarettes

off the carpet and pick those bottles
up. Oh, blimey, you'd think Prince

was coming.

Sidney. Yes, all right.

Sally, you come and help me in the hall.
Somebody's trodden mud all over the

floor.

You go upstairs and get dressed, and
I'll make some coffee.

Oh, Sid!

What's the matter?

I didn't get any coffee. I meant to get
some. I forgot.

Well, don't panic. I'm about to buy
some.

But, Sid, it's Sunday.

It's all right. The little place in
Church Street is open.

Where's that gone tearing off to?

That little shop in Church Street. I
forgot to get any coffee.

You won't get any there. Why?

Mum must be upstairs.

Well, you know, sit down and make
yourselves at home. I've got a split I

left the flame on.

A split?

It must be the young man who's always
setting the garage on fire.

It's smaller than our front room. Well,
they're the same size houses.

No, it's the way they've done it up. I
mean, the carpet's all wrong and I

wouldn't have chosen that wallpaper.

Shh, no big holes in the place.

Upstairs, you must admit it's a hideous
carpet.

Quite good quality, though. Oh, no,
darling, it's not. Look.

Very nice to have it.

Look at this lot.

She can't have cleaned the place out for
weeks.

Darling, it's none of our business.
We're only here for a cup of coffee.

Oh, I'm not sure if I fancy any. I hope
she washes the cups.

Still, it seems a nice enough fellow.
Oh, yes, it's we. I'm sure it's not his

fault they live in a pigsty.

Hello. Oh, hello.

I'm Sally.

I went out to borrow some coffee, but
they didn't have any.

Would you mind tea instead? No, tea will
be fine.

Shh, don't let them know I'm here. Why?

Oh, I can't tell you. I'll tell you
later.

Look, if they want tea, make it in the
fresh teapot on the sideboard. All

What a pity we've got no arsenic.

Hello? Oh, hello. Sally, I'll take it.
Yes, please, Nick. I couldn't get any

coffee, sir. The place we usually get it
was full of old boots.

That's all right, Daddy. I'll make some
tea.

If you use that, make sure you wash it
out, won't you? Why?

Well, there might be a couple of odds
and ends in it.

You know how things accumulate.

Yes, well, I've just remembered I've
left a joint in the oven. And I'm

a phone call. Oh, hang on a minute. You
haven't had anything yet? Yes, well,

perhaps another time. How about a quick
drink before you go? Just a minute. What

would you like?

Some scotch? Well,

thank you very much for having

us. Next time, you really must come to
us. Yes.

Fedney, I want a word with you.

Didn't you bother to get dressed for
him? Didn't I bother?

He's not looking around in a dressing
gown. No wonder he would.

You should have heard what she said.

I have.

You've told me 18 times.

And asked for a husband, if he is her
husband.

It's probably some dropout she picked up
at a pop concert.

That wouldn't surprise me either.

And what was she doing looking under the
carpets anyway?

They probably thought we had hash under
there.

Hash?

It's obvious, isn't it? They're both on
the drugs.

And that wouldn't surprise you either.

Well, now that we've completely
destroyed their character, do you mind

a short tip? I'm worn out.

Oh, God. That's not our son. That's your
precious friends from next door.

Why the big hate? They're nice people.

Well, you needn't expect me to be
friendly with them. Well, you don't have

row with them.

I don't mind rowing with them. Give me
half a chance and I'll tell her just

I think of her.

It stopped.

I've noticed.

That's nice.

That's lovely, that is.

It's a nice neighbourly gesture.

Have you gone raving mad? Stop!

Well, that's in case they start again.

You know what you've done, don't you?
You have just declared open war.

Good. Now, every time we make a noise,
they'll bang on our wall. And that will

go on for the next 20 years.

There's somebody at the door now.

Hello, I'm sorry about the noise if we
disturbed you.

Oh, no, you didn't disturb me. I was
only on the phone.

Well, I think we disturbed somebody. Is
your mother in? Yes. Come in. I'll fetch

her. Thank you.

Go in. Thank you.

Sorry about that. I'll be over in two
minutes.

Mummy, the lady from next door wants to
see you. She's downstairs.

You've done it now, haven't you?

Done what?

Really annoyed her.

Why should I annoy her? I've never even
spoken to the woman.

You banged on her wall.

Well, she couldn't have come about that.

Of course she couldn't.

Could she?

Why don't you go down and find out?

Me? Why should I find out? I've never
even spoken to her.

You wanted to have a row with her. Now's
your chance.

I wanted to row with her.

how you can lie there and say such
things.

I beg your pardon, it seems I got it all
wrong.

Yes. Well, I'm glad that's cleared up.

Sidney? Sidney! Oh, God, what?

Well, aren't you going down to see what
she wants?

Why me?

Well, you're the man of the house and
you know her. I mean, you were in there

for hours.

I have come here to have a blooming kip
and I'm going to have a blooming kip.

she knows I'm here. Who?

Your mother.

Oh, yeah, she'll be down in a minute.
Don't worry about her.

Now, look, if you go round the other
side, you can see how I was influenced

Picasso. Oh.

What's the matter? I've got caught up.

Oh, well, turn round.

No, that's worse.

Oh, well. Don't leave it. You'll tear
it. I'll do it. Don't panic.

I'll get you out of it soon.

Sidney, go and see what she wants.

You're not asleep.

Oh, don't be so rotten.

Oh, God.

Blimey, they're marvellous.

You stir everything up and I've got to
go down and apologise.

Why should you apologise? They started
it.

Look, you tell them we've lived in this
house 19 years and we've never had any

trouble with neighbours until they moved
in. I see. And you can tell them from

me that I think it's a cheat that they
use an electric drill on a Sunday

afternoon. And you can tell them if they
do it again, we'll complain to the

council. I see. And what's more, you can
tell them that if they want to be

awkward, we can be awkward too. And you
tell them...

I've got a better idea.

What? You tell them.

Well, all right, then. You say what you
think best.

Thank you for your confidence.

Well, you're not going like that, are
you?

What's the matter with me?

Well, look, your trousers are all baggy.

I'll have to take it off.

You can't do that.

Hey, supposing somebody comes in?
Supposing my mum comes in? I've been

20 minutes and she hasn't come in yet.

I've also had 20 minutes of you
attacking old -fashioned morality and

prudishness. Yeah, but that was
different.

I'm going to the garage to see if I can
get a pair of pliers.

Who? The woman from next door. Oh, that
woman.

Why, how many women have you had in
there?

None. I mean, I didn't have her in here.
Oh, I mean, she was here, but she went.

Oh, it's just as well you should have
heard what your mother was saying about

her. No.

Now what?

No, I don't want to hear what Mum was
saying about her.

She just about called me. No!

What's the matter with you?

You taking a fancy to her or something?
No.

Sounds like it, the way you're
protecting it. Excuse me. Where are you

I want to make myself a cup of tea.
That's all right, I'll make it for you.

You all right?

Yeah, I'm all right.

You're offering to make me a cup of tea?
Yeah, go on, you go upstairs and I'll

bring you up a cup of tea on a tray to
you and Mum with buttered toast and

scones.

What have you got in the kitchen?

Nothing.

You're joking, aren't you? You can't be
me, matey, I know you.

You've been welding in there. No.

I told her about this and she was
hooked.

Hooked? She couldn't help it.

Are you trying to tell me that this heap
of rusting junk has a hypnotic effect

on women?

Oi, it's not a heap of rusting junk.

All that happened was I told her what it
was about and she knew what I was

after. Naturally.

Obvious, isn't it, son?

Come here.

Now, I don't want to preach morals. I
mean, far be it from me to judge

but... I mean, if you want to spread
your wings, you know. I mean, if you

like you'd like to have a bit of... But
not with married women.

Especially married women who live right
next door.

I mean, I've heard of your own doorstep,
but this is ridiculous.

I've heard quite enough. Would you mind
giving me my shirt back?

What have you done with her shirt?

I put it somewhere and I don't know
where.

Whatever you think. I couldn't help it.
I just got hooked on this.

I understand. Believe me, I understand.

After all, I am a human being, you know.

Yeah, we're all full of human frailties
and weaknesses.

I mean, I know there's a caged animal
inside all of us waiting to get out.

But if his mother finds out, she'll
murder him.

What have you done with his shirt?

I can't remember.

See what you've done to him? He can't
remember.

Uh... Hang on a minute. I'll get you a
coat or something.

No, no, she's gone.

Well, she's here, isn't she? No, she's
there, but she's gone.

Oh. I found this.

Found what? Nothing. He hasn't found
anything at all.

What's going on?

I can handle it, darling. Don't you
worry.

What have you been up to? Nothing. I
haven't been up to anything.

Nothing?

Well, she couldn't help it, and it
wasn't me.

I suppose you'll be telling me next it
was Mike.

I wouldn't say it was Mike.

But I wouldn't care if they owned up.

What are you doing like that?

I couldn't help it.

Apparently, it wasn't Sid.

It was mine.

What the hell have you done to my wife?

How long have you been married?

Well, what business is that of yours?
Now, go on. How long have you been

married? How dare you? Don't you shout
at me, moose.

We've only had the answer until you
moved in next door.

Now, stop it, you two. Sidney, explain
yourself properly.

Yeah.

See? She couldn't help it.

This will come as a bit of a shock to
you, but your wife's a bit kinky about

bicycle frames.

Thank you.

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