Original subtitles

What'll I do when you are far

away and I am blue?

What'll I do when I'm alone?

attitude. It's taken him three weeks to see that.

If you're angling to get the sack.

No, I'm not.

I like working at the bookies.

I like the other wage slaves.

They're a laugh.

It's the customers what get on me throppinies.

They are such wasters.

And every time I look at them, I see Chris staring back at me. Makes me want

pour boiling hot coffee over their family jewels.

I can see how they'd pick up on that.

I wear my heart on my sleeve.

It's my biggest problem.

No, Sharon, that's only halfway down a very, very long list.

Do you fancy going for a drink, Trace?

Just you and me?

I need to chill out. In a bit. I'm just doing Travis's pizza.

Can't he do it himself?

He ain't a baby.

I'll cut the crust off for me, Mum.

Already done, love.

How are you going to cope when you go away to uni?

I'll get it.

He's not going anywhere.

He's staying local.

That way he won't have to pay rent and he can eat all his meals here.

And have Mummy on hand to cut the crust off his pizza.

should have warned me. Sorry. I know I can be a bit impulsive.

Oh, that's okay. Nice to meet you. So, have you just come over from New

Yes. Oh, Mummy's so happy out there.

She's got a beautiful parish. So I understand from my loving daughter's one

only email.

It wasn't for me, though.

It's such a backwater, especially the fashion.

They still think Stella McCartney's a hot ticket. You mention Veena Carver or

Peter Somme.

and it's just a sea of blank faces.

So, I applied for some jobs back here, landed some interviews in London and

thought I'd come and see my gorgeous, gorgeous granny.

Sorry, I can't do this. I spent my whole life not having a family.

Then suddenly your mother drops into my life, only to disappear just as suddenly

off to New Zealand. And then out of the blue, you turn up. No, it's all too

much.

Oh, I see.

No,

you're right. I've been thoughtless. I'll go.

No.

You're here now.

Stay.

Only please don't call me Annie.

I won't. It's not right anyway.

You know, you actually look even younger in the flesh than you do on Skype.

I have a couple of bulbs gone.

Can I call you Dorian?

I think we're more like sisters anyway.

I couldn't possibly comment.

I really feel this fantastic...

between us.

My friends think you're a legend.

I mean, Foxy Cohen is just the best.

Well, I have always tried to connect with the young.

As the doorman down the YMCA will confirm.

I can't wait to get to know you better.

Oh, um, I was wondering if I could crush here for a couple of days. Yes.

I'd probably be okay, wouldn't it, Mum?

Yeah, of course. As long as you don't mind bunking in with your big sister.

Oh, my God!

We can go clubbing and then come home and have a late -night gurney chat.

I'll show you upstairs. Great.

I'll carry your bags.

Oh, that's lovely. Thank you.

50... 60... 70...

75 pence.

Don't spend it all at once.

Loser.

Hey, Trice.

What are you doing here? You can't see if I'm behaving myself.

You don't trust me, do you?

Would it surprise you if I say no?

Not really.

Excuse me. In a minute. Just really quickly, I need... I said, in a minute.

I just want to put 20 quid to win on Humphrey's about in the free 30s. I am

talking to my sister.

So rude.

Oh,

they've started now. What about my bet? What about your bet?

Well,

there you go.

I've just saved you 20 notes.

Say thank you.

I won't say a lot more than that.

Excuse me, love.

Dennis Timms, area manager.

We've had several complaints about your attitude and I can see that they were

just scratching the surface.

I think you'd better step into the office.

If you don't mind.

They thanked you, didn't they?

No, they didn't. They docked me half a day's pay and gave me a final written

warning. And it's all your fault, Trace.

If you hadn't been spying on me, I wouldn't have got... lumbered with this.

What's that?

Customer service manual.

I've got to read it and digest.

Blimey, is it? Grab a granny night down the armstead.

Travis and I are taking Emma out to introduce her to Chigwell nightlife.

Oh, great.

Bars you can't hear yourself thinking.

Blokes with fake tans and birds with tattoos.

My kind of people.

Acting your age?

Well, my knee's locked together and my push -up bra won't push up anymore.

Emma's enthusiasm makes me feel young.

Glad you didn't chuck her out, then. So different to Naomi.

I don't feel any of that baggage.

Guilt, you mean?

Emma's inherited my style, my joie de vivre.

It's remarkable how like me she is.

Fifty years and three facelifts ago.

She's such a bore. full of energy, so focused on the positive, such an

to the sullen, ponderous heap of negativity that is you, Sharon.

Do you think it's been better when I was young?

Life full of promise?

I never felt like that. Oh, there's the surprise.

Life's really marked you, hasn't it?

I just knew that it was going to be one long arse -ache.

And I haven't been disappointed.

It's a bit chilly, eh?

That's not going to keep you very warm.

Oh, I don't know.

Making Travis sweat.

Mum gave me some money for an interview outfit, but I blew the whole lot on

this. I just couldn't resist.

I know exactly where you're coming from.

Marcus once sent me out to buy a washing machine and I blew the whole lot on a

romantic weekend for two in Paris.

With the cross?

Livid. He was in Dusseldorf.

Right, shall we go then?

Yeah. Oh, I hope your girlfriend isn't going to mind you being out with me.

He hasn't got a girlfriend.

We recently split up.

Where shall we go first?

Oh, who cares?

Let's just go with the flow and see where the evening takes us.

Yeah, well, most evenings round here end up in the cabana. shop.

So you better glue in your teeth, doll.

Enjoy yourselves. Be careful, won't you, Travis?

Yes, ma 'am.

What are you doing?

You have got homework to do.

He hasn't got any trousers on yet.

Dorian!

Dorian, whenever you crawl out of whoever's bed you slept in last night,

please listen to one of the 47 messages I've left you and call me?

I'm afraid, like me, my phone ran out of charge around Orpington.

Why were you in Orpington? Those night buses take a very circuitous route.

I'm ashamed to say I let my enthusiasm get the better of me last night.

Shots are a bad, bad thing.

I fell in with a very fast crowd.

I ended up at an all -night... paintballing session in Canary Wharf.

As you can see, I took rather a lot of hits.

You look like Ronald McDonald after he's been for a car wash.

I'll take your word for it.

I'm too scared to look in the mirror.

I really should have stayed with Travis and Emma. Did they get home all right?

Oh, yeah.

They've been tucked up all night in the same bloody bed.

No. Yes.

He's upstairs with an air with no trousers on.

Your granddaughter has taken advantage of my baby.

Why, Emma doesn't need to take advantage of anyone. She could have any man she

wanted. And she'll have them all before she's 30, the way she's going.

Not what I expected from a vicar's daughter.

But I suppose her mother had an uphill battle struggling against your

genes.

Yeah, what about Travis's biological background? His blood type is definitely

gangster positive.

English argument for breakfast.

You look like Ronald McDonald.

So, what's it about?

It's about Emma and Travis.

What's happened?

They seem to be getting on well enough last night. What, you saw them?

Yeah. They came back in while I was ploughing through that manual.

I mean, honestly, I have read more interesting phone bills.

And? And they started snogging and it was getting on my nerves.

So you told them to stop?

Well, sort of. I told them to get a room.

Well, they definitely did that.

to his room i've done him a favor trace it's about time he parked his bus

he wasn't ready well if he wasn't ready it wouldn't have happened trust me i'm

an expert he's too young god knows how this has affected him

well

what makes you so sure that He didn't

seduce her.

Two reasons. One, she's related to you.

And two, Travis gets embarrassed when the girl in Costa asks him if he wants

chocolate on it.

You just don't think she's good enough for your precious granddaughter.

No, you started the name -calling. I'm very fond of Travis.

I was simply defending Emma.

Well, I think they make a lovely couple.

Morning.

Oh, good night, was it, door?

No, I won't be in for lunch, Mum.

Taking Emma down Luigi's for a calzone.

Hoping all your mates are going to be there?

They should be. I've texted them all twice.

But they're going to be well jealous.

Travis, are you sure you're all right, love?

Yeah, why wouldn't I be?

Oh, my God.

You've been discussing my sex life?

Wow, I've got a sex life.

Oh, you sure now? I just don't want that sort of thing going on in my house.

Here we go again.

Look, this proves Emma's right, Mum. I can't go to a local uni.

I need to go away, and she reckons Maastricht's really good.

I don't want to go into Scotland.

Maastricht is in Holland, Tracy.

That's a fraud!

Morning.

You look amazing.

Thanks.

Oh.

Just a little frayed around the edges.

Let's go.

OK, bye.

Your granddaughter is taking my son away from me.

Only for a calzoni.

You're driving away because you're so clingy. Why don't you have him stuffed

put him on the sideboard? That way he'll never leave home.

Look, you've got to cut the apron string sooner or later.

I'll vote for later.

I just don't want to see him carrying on.

I don't want to hear you, son.

bring my granddaughter.

Well, like I said, I think they make a lovely couple. Oh, shut up, Sharon.

All

right?

Oh, did you get to show Emma off?

Absolutely. She's amazing.

Where is she now?

Just checking her emails.

Travis. I don't want to interfere, but don't see her anymore.

Garth said this would happen.

He said the second I got a proper girlfriend, you'd get all irrational.

Who's being irrational?

Just stop going out with her and don't go abroad either.

That's got nothing to do with Emma. Look, we spoke about it and it made me

mind up.

But you can't just change your life because some girl says so. She's not

girl.

She's the girl.

I'm in love.

funny, Sharon.

I'm sorry, Travis.

I think it's nice you feel like this. Then why did you laugh?

Oh, because it's funny.

And nice.

Travis, as the internet's foremost agony aunt, I see a lot of this.

I mean, it's only natural to think you're in love the first time you...

your bus.

I mean, it was the same for me.

I mean, I can remember when and where, but for the life of me, I can't remember

who.

Or how many.

But you get it, don't you, Mum?

Dad was your first when you married him.

Have you told Emma how you feel?

I don't need to, Dawn.

I know she feels the same way. It's like we were meant to be.

Oh, my God, I've just had the most amazing news.

I passed one of those interviews I went for.

I've got a traineeship with this brilliant law firm. Oh, that's amazing.

Congratulations.

Honestly, it's such a great opportunity. I can't believe it.

They want me to start on Monday and the job's in Manchester, so I'll have to

leave tomorrow.

Just happened.

Didn't you realise the effect you'd had on him?

No.

So like me.

What if I come in?

I'm really sorry.

I shouldn't have blurted it out like that. I should have told you first.

That's OK.

You're right to be excited.

It's a good opportunity.

I was just being stupid.

No. No, you're not. It's my fault.

I thought we were just a couple of adults having fun.

You know, like flash dance.

With more sex and less welding.

I had no idea it was your first.

How did... Mum!

Honestly, I...

Never would have guessed.

You were such a considerate and confident lover. I thought you must have

loads of girls.

Really?

Well, that's good, then.

Better than good. You were the whole package.

In more ways than one.

Wow. I'm obviously a natural.

Obviously.

in touch of course i will oh you are firmer yeah oh well it was lovely to

you you too sharon and thank you for having me tracy oh well technically it

travis who had never mind see you love you take care

bye

You can call me Granny if you want.

But I don't.

Honestly.

Take care.

And don't forget to tell your mother how well we got on.

I've just realised you're home early.

Why are you home early?

They sent me home.

You've been sacked again, haven't you? Honestly, time after time.

A punter threatened one of the girls behind the counter with a broken bottle.

Luckily, I had my manual with me. And what did you do?

Wacked him right in the head with it.

You know, Emma's just about to leave.

We said our goodbyes upstairs.

It was just a kiss, Mum.

Can you wash this for me? I need it for tomorrow.

Thank you.

Oh, you... Oh, he's still my Travis.

I don't know, Trace.

I reckon Emma's turned your boy into a man.

Did you see the way he ate that pizza?

Crust and all.

Now, tonight we go back to the 1870s for our brand new drama, Jericho.

But if it's more comedy you're after, give Benadorm a whirl over on the ITV

And a quick reminder, there's more drama tomorrow night.

Brand new Mr. Selfridge continues at nine.