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1
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No.
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You silly cow, I nearly dropped it.
Nearly dropped it in at the pawnbrokers
3
00:00:32,710 --> 00:00:33,949
along with the other three.
4
00:00:33,950 --> 00:00:35,690
You'd think I was going to pawn them.
5
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Weren't you?
6
00:00:37,150 --> 00:00:38,200
No.
7
00:00:38,870 --> 00:00:40,470
I was taking them to Sotheby's.
8
00:00:40,471 --> 00:00:45,229
I don't suppose the fact that they ain't
yours would have stopped you?
9
00:00:45,230 --> 00:00:46,280
They are mine.
10
00:00:47,330 --> 00:00:48,410
Well, yours and mine.
11
00:00:49,290 --> 00:00:52,250
Family heirloom. Come on, Trace, be
reasonable.
12
00:00:52,830 --> 00:00:55,780
You want to make a go at this cleaning
business, don't you?
13
00:00:55,850 --> 00:00:58,500
Mate -a -bonger was my idea, if you
remember rightly.
14
00:00:58,810 --> 00:01:00,010
My idea?
15
00:01:00,610 --> 00:01:02,770
No, it wasn't. It can't have been.
16
00:01:03,050 --> 00:01:04,100
And why not?
17
00:01:04,310 --> 00:01:07,910
Because it involves careful planning,
determination and hard work.
18
00:01:07,911 --> 00:01:09,729
They are not things you're good at.
19
00:01:09,730 --> 00:01:12,170
What you're good at is eating and lying
down.
20
00:01:14,150 --> 00:01:15,430
Excuse me?
21
00:01:15,850 --> 00:01:17,530
I was under the doctor.
22
00:01:19,990 --> 00:01:21,510
I was allergic.
23
00:01:22,330 --> 00:01:24,590
If you was allergic, you'd want to lie
down.
24
00:01:24,591 --> 00:01:28,699
Put them on a light down with a deep pan
American hot, large chips, curry sauce
25
00:01:28,700 --> 00:01:29,920
and a frozen Mars bar.
26
00:01:31,820 --> 00:01:33,180
They were on my diet sheet.
27
00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:35,820
I was just mixing and matching.
28
00:01:35,821 --> 00:01:38,679
Anyway, it was comfort eating.
29
00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:40,680
Not for any one damn wind it wasn't.
30
00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:45,070
Anyway, these are Aunt Sylvie's. Put
them away.
31
00:01:45,140 --> 00:01:46,880
They're not going under the hammer.
32
00:01:46,900 --> 00:01:48,520
We never use them.
33
00:01:49,020 --> 00:01:51,840
They've been in a cupboard since Aunt
Sylvie passed on.
34
00:01:52,240 --> 00:01:53,880
She kept them in a cupboard.
35
00:01:53,881 --> 00:01:57,029
Probably never even had their bottoms
wet.
36
00:01:57,030 --> 00:01:58,510
More than can be said for some.
37
00:01:59,890 --> 00:02:00,940
Your point?
38
00:02:01,710 --> 00:02:02,760
Sentimental value.
39
00:02:03,070 --> 00:02:06,380
Sharon, some families have an old
painting or a bit of a sculpture.
40
00:02:06,450 --> 00:02:10,149
Some have a silver service. Some have a
wash name you write on when the flat
41
00:02:10,150 --> 00:02:11,200
comes down.
42
00:02:11,310 --> 00:02:15,349
We've got a set of genuine Victorian
goblets and they're not going to the
43
00:02:15,350 --> 00:02:18,130
room. You see genuine Victorian goblets?
44
00:02:19,010 --> 00:02:21,670
I see industrial polishers.
45
00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:25,340
I see a small fleet of bagless vacs.
46
00:02:26,440 --> 00:02:29,090
Why do they call them goblets? Do people
use their... No.
47
00:02:31,340 --> 00:02:32,390
You're just bitter.
48
00:02:32,420 --> 00:02:33,500
Now, give us a sit here.
49
00:02:33,980 --> 00:02:37,060
No, we need the money. Come on. No. Give
me it.
50
00:02:37,061 --> 00:02:43,579
Anyway, we ain't going to raise the kind
of money we need, flogging off domestic
51
00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:47,099
bits and pieces, not unless the previous
owners have left a Rembrandt in the
52
00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:48,039
attic.
53
00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:49,780
How would they get a piano up there?
54
00:02:51,850 --> 00:02:53,410
They're very tasteful.
55
00:02:53,411 --> 00:02:56,609
What on earth did they happen to be in
your possession?
56
00:02:56,610 --> 00:02:58,470
Do you like them, Dawn? We've got four.
57
00:02:58,471 --> 00:03:01,569
Well, I'm more of a fast -on -to
-beneath person, Sharon. Surely you can
58
00:03:01,570 --> 00:03:02,620
that.
59
00:03:02,750 --> 00:03:03,800
Back on what?
60
00:03:05,930 --> 00:03:06,980
Twenty pounds glass.
61
00:03:07,490 --> 00:03:09,690
They're not glass. It's their goblets.
62
00:03:10,550 --> 00:03:11,600
Fifty.
63
00:03:11,601 --> 00:03:15,229
As someone who thinks that Chippendale
Draws is another name for a posing
64
00:03:15,230 --> 00:03:17,030
you are the last person to judge them.
65
00:03:17,490 --> 00:03:18,770
Thirty. Last offer.
66
00:03:19,150 --> 00:03:20,290
They're not for sale.
67
00:03:20,780 --> 00:03:21,920
And you've got no pride.
68
00:03:23,180 --> 00:03:27,619
That lot of youse pride is when you get
to the checkout with a trolley full of
69
00:03:27,620 --> 00:03:31,439
gear and they go to swipe your card and
it says no chance and some bloke in a
70
00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:34,719
nylon shirt wheels off your trolley and
you're running after him shouting, could
71
00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:37,310
I just have the always and the tandoori
selection?
72
00:03:38,580 --> 00:03:40,500
I think I'll put these somewhere safe.
73
00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:43,170
31. 35.
74
00:03:43,380 --> 00:03:44,430
32 and a half.
75
00:03:44,431 --> 00:03:51,339
You're going to get through 12 strong
lagers in an evening. I'll have a bottle
76
00:03:51,340 --> 00:03:52,420
bank put in the garden.
77
00:03:52,660 --> 00:03:56,580
Brown glass, green glass, clear glass,
lazy mare's empties.
78
00:03:57,440 --> 00:03:58,580
Dustpan, brush, now.
79
00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:01,440
And mine the glass is.
80
00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:03,890
Goblet.
81
00:04:03,891 --> 00:04:08,199
There's something wrong, Tracy. I can
see it in your expression.
82
00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:09,380
It's a sort of...
83
00:04:09,381 --> 00:04:12,519
I'm a middle -aged mother -to -be with
no visible means of support and a
84
00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:15,890
who can't stay out of jail sort of
expression. Quite common, really.
85
00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:20,050
So's the ageing type with crow's feet
who failed the pencil test look.
86
00:04:21,399 --> 00:04:25,860
And my husband left me for a woman that
owns a blender and shops at C &A, look.
87
00:04:25,861 --> 00:04:30,459
Sharon's right, though. I mean, we're
never going to get the maids of Ongar
88
00:04:30,460 --> 00:04:33,679
shaking and vacuuming without a cash
flow. Well, how much do you need?
89
00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:35,580
Oh, I'm right, am I?
90
00:04:36,060 --> 00:04:37,420
Well, that's good to hear.
91
00:04:38,060 --> 00:04:42,239
A moment ago, I was a heartless, lager
-swilling cow who wanted to put memory
92
00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:43,440
lane up for development.
93
00:04:43,441 --> 00:04:47,659
What's the ballpark figure? You are a
heartless, lager -swilling cow, but we
94
00:04:47,660 --> 00:04:48,979
need an injection of capital.
95
00:04:48,980 --> 00:04:51,199
How big an injection? So where's it
coming from?
96
00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:55,199
Well, I... You expect me to stand on a
corner in fishnets and lorix swinging me
97
00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:58,939
handbags? Kate, you're not interested.
Forget I ever made you the offer. No,
98
00:04:58,940 --> 00:05:02,219
thanks. I don't fancy going to buy a
turbocharged floor buffer with a
99
00:05:02,220 --> 00:05:03,900
wheelbarrow full of small change.
100
00:05:05,830 --> 00:05:06,880
What offer?
101
00:05:07,670 --> 00:05:09,350
Door! Door! Door!
102
00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:15,390
What offer? How much?
103
00:05:16,230 --> 00:05:17,450
How much do you need?
104
00:05:18,470 --> 00:05:19,790
Lots. How much have you got?
105
00:05:19,791 --> 00:05:23,289
Well, I've just come into a small amount
of money and I'm looking for a suitable
106
00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:24,340
investment.
107
00:05:24,341 --> 00:05:25,449
How small?
108
00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:26,500
Not that small.
109
00:05:27,430 --> 00:05:29,690
Well, go on. On the big side of small.
110
00:05:30,630 --> 00:05:31,680
Biggish.
111
00:05:31,930 --> 00:05:32,980
Quite big.
112
00:05:33,910 --> 00:05:34,960
Is it legit?
113
00:05:35,260 --> 00:05:36,310
I resent that.
114
00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:39,220
Every penny I ever spent came to me by
hard work.
115
00:05:39,221 --> 00:05:42,759
Every penny you ever spent you got by
being married to Marcus. Exactly. Hard
116
00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:43,810
work.
117
00:05:44,140 --> 00:05:46,220
So where did this nest egg come from?
118
00:05:46,500 --> 00:05:51,159
Well, before I left Chigwell, I took
some of Marcus's documents to be
119
00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:52,210
photocopied.
120
00:05:53,280 --> 00:05:54,980
Lots of documents, actually.
121
00:05:56,100 --> 00:05:58,180
Everything I could lay my hands on.
122
00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:02,020
I found an offshore account I hadn't
spotted before.
123
00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:04,080
So the money's not legit, then?
124
00:06:05,420 --> 00:06:08,820
I didn't nick it. You didn't nick it.
She didn't nick it. It's legit.
125
00:06:08,821 --> 00:06:10,459
How much?
126
00:06:10,460 --> 00:06:14,070
Enough to cover the Maids of Ongo with a
little leftover for essentials.
127
00:06:14,071 --> 00:06:17,619
Armani, De Beers, the Maldives. She
hasn't nicked it yet, but she's going to
128
00:06:17,620 --> 00:06:18,319
nick it.
129
00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:22,120
A woman on her own has to take her
chances. My back is against the wall.
130
00:06:22,340 --> 00:06:23,580
A familiar position.
131
00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:26,920
Anyway, Marcus wants me to have it.
132
00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:30,420
He said, I realise I am the erring
party.
133
00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:32,780
I have deceived you for years.
134
00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:34,960
with someone from planet Draylon.
135
00:06:36,780 --> 00:06:38,540
Take the money. Empty the account.
136
00:06:38,840 --> 00:06:39,890
It's yours.
137
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:41,260
No, he didn't.
138
00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:44,790
No, he didn't. He accused me of serial
infidelity.
139
00:06:45,420 --> 00:06:48,160
Serial? Make the archers look like
newsflash.
140
00:06:48,900 --> 00:06:50,400
Still, it was generous of him.
141
00:06:50,401 --> 00:06:54,079
Well, yes and no. I threatened to send
an anonymous letter to the Inland
142
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,130
Revenue.
143
00:06:55,340 --> 00:06:58,180
So how much were you thinking of,
Dorian?
144
00:06:58,420 --> 00:07:00,100
And what sort of interest rate?
145
00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:01,450
A loan.
146
00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:04,520
No, I wasn't thinking of a loan, Tracy.
147
00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:07,480
I was thinking more of a direct
involvement.
148
00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:10,360
Bucket of suds and a stiff brush.
149
00:07:10,361 --> 00:07:14,339
Part of you are down and around the
knees with a smile on her face.
150
00:07:14,340 --> 00:07:15,620
No, many have.
151
00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:24,920
I was thinking more Maids of Ongar, PLC,
Chief Exec, Dee Green.
152
00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:26,930
You're joking.
153
00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:29,430
You want the profit without any of the
graft.
154
00:07:29,900 --> 00:07:31,160
Whose money is it?
155
00:07:32,810 --> 00:07:36,060
I am looking for an investment
opportunity, not a job as a skivvy.
156
00:07:36,570 --> 00:07:40,429
There are others who wouldn't sneer at
the offer of a cash injection. You need
157
00:07:40,430 --> 00:07:44,069
figurehead. If I remember rightly, a
figurehead hangs off the front end of a
158
00:07:44,070 --> 00:07:45,330
boat showing a frothy bit.
159
00:07:46,270 --> 00:07:48,130
Not quite the image we're looking for.
160
00:07:48,530 --> 00:07:51,890
Tracy, what others do?
161
00:07:52,330 --> 00:07:54,290
I mean a little frock shop.
162
00:07:54,990 --> 00:07:56,040
Design a sample.
163
00:07:56,550 --> 00:07:58,110
Ethnic jewellery as a sideline.
164
00:07:58,810 --> 00:08:01,700
Potential gold mine. Hainaut Parade,
eager for a sponsor.
165
00:08:02,270 --> 00:08:04,620
And about, we haven't said no, have we,
Tracy?
166
00:08:05,130 --> 00:08:06,180
Yes. No.
167
00:08:08,050 --> 00:08:10,100
You're looking a gift horse in the
mouth.
168
00:08:12,050 --> 00:08:13,470
Nothing personal, Dorian.
169
00:08:13,471 --> 00:08:17,469
What's the matter, Tracy? My money not
good enough for you? It's not the money,
170
00:08:17,470 --> 00:08:18,520
Dor. It's you.
171
00:08:18,650 --> 00:08:21,330
We want to run our business our way. No
interfering.
172
00:08:22,370 --> 00:08:24,410
What makes you think I would interfere?
173
00:08:24,411 --> 00:08:29,409
Dorian, there are only two things you're
famous for. And the second one is
174
00:08:29,410 --> 00:08:30,460
poking your nose in.
175
00:08:31,850 --> 00:08:35,110
It was a genuine suggestion made in the
spirit of friendship.
176
00:08:38,510 --> 00:08:44,749
If you choose to reject it, my response
can only be to withdraw the offer while
177
00:08:44,750 --> 00:08:47,220
maintaining a civilised and tolerant
attitude.
178
00:08:53,310 --> 00:08:56,910
You made a big mistake, Tracy.
179
00:08:57,730 --> 00:09:02,689
Rule number one when you're totally...
and someone offers to lend you money,
180
00:09:02,690 --> 00:09:04,070
not to get on their bristles.
181
00:09:04,970 --> 00:09:07,230
Do you really want Dorian for our boss?
182
00:09:07,850 --> 00:09:11,290
Well, since you ask, I'd sooner be Noel
Edmonds' sex slave.
183
00:09:12,710 --> 00:09:14,690
It was a good offer, Trace.
184
00:09:14,990 --> 00:09:17,160
Where else are we going to go for the
money?
185
00:09:17,270 --> 00:09:19,990
We're a small business. We need a start
-up loan.
186
00:09:20,190 --> 00:09:22,110
Where does anyone else go to get money?
187
00:09:22,130 --> 00:09:23,180
We'll go to the bank.
188
00:09:23,910 --> 00:09:24,960
OK.
189
00:09:27,890 --> 00:09:28,940
Hello?
190
00:09:29,290 --> 00:09:32,300
to make an appointment with your small
businesses manager.
191
00:09:32,750 --> 00:09:34,070
Stubbs. Ms.
192
00:09:35,390 --> 00:09:36,770
Yeah, okay, that'll be fine.
193
00:09:37,070 --> 00:09:38,120
Thank you.
194
00:09:38,430 --> 00:09:40,720
Tracy Stubbs and Sharon
Theodopoulopoulos.
195
00:09:42,610 --> 00:09:43,660
Theo.
196
00:09:44,170 --> 00:09:45,710
Yes. Doppo.
197
00:09:46,370 --> 00:09:47,420
Yes.
198
00:09:47,510 --> 00:09:48,560
Loppo.
199
00:09:48,830 --> 00:09:50,170
Yes. Doz.
200
00:09:51,490 --> 00:09:52,540
Ms.
201
00:09:54,050 --> 00:09:56,190
No, not Theodopoulopoulos, Ms.
202
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:00,660
Yeah, okay then.
203
00:10:00,920 --> 00:10:03,500
Right. See you then. Bye.
204
00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:06,890
I'm ready.
205
00:10:23,020 --> 00:10:25,060
Have a seat.
206
00:10:31,340 --> 00:10:32,390
I'm Martin Mann.
207
00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:36,980
Which muzz are you?
208
00:10:38,980 --> 00:10:42,260
Stubbs. So you're Muzz Theodopolopoulos.
209
00:10:43,060 --> 00:10:44,180
Yes, that's right.
210
00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:45,600
And how can I help you?
211
00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:48,440
We've had a vision, Mr Mann.
212
00:10:53,180 --> 00:10:59,519
It's a vision of two women with
ambition, assertiveness... And a bloody
213
00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:00,680
tub of carpet shampoo.
214
00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:04,940
We'll do houses. We'll do hoffices.
215
00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:08,420
We'll do banks.
216
00:11:08,860 --> 00:11:10,440
We'll offer competitive rates.
217
00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:13,540
We'll pay our workers a fair wage. We'll
cut corners.
218
00:11:13,900 --> 00:11:15,400
We'll plough the profits back.
219
00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:16,860
We'll give the best service.
220
00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:19,470
Because we are determined to make it
work, Mr Man.
221
00:11:22,980 --> 00:11:25,820
We just need a helping hand. A leg over.
222
00:11:34,220 --> 00:11:35,420
We also need some dosh.
223
00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:37,690
Mr Mann.
224
00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:40,920
We're not asking you to speculate.
225
00:11:41,660 --> 00:11:43,380
We're not asking you to take a risk.
226
00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:45,840
This is a sure thing, Mr Mann.
227
00:11:48,680 --> 00:11:51,980
A small business that one day will be a
big business.
228
00:11:52,260 --> 00:11:53,840
A stake in the future.
229
00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:56,100
We're not asking for a bed of roses.
230
00:11:57,440 --> 00:11:59,520
We're just asking you to give us a
chance.
231
00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:02,840
What do you say, Mr Mann?
232
00:12:11,500 --> 00:12:15,200
Well, as you know, we're a listening
bank that likes to say yes.
233
00:12:16,080 --> 00:12:21,899
Great. Oh, we like to say yes to new
ideas, yes to enterprising people, yes
234
00:12:21,900 --> 00:12:23,720
initiatives. Oh, fabulous.
235
00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:29,339
However, I'm afraid it's our policy
always to say no to the wives of men who
236
00:12:29,340 --> 00:12:34,799
into our bank waving a sawn -off shotgun
and yelling, hand over the money, you
237
00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:35,850
rat -faced bastard.
238
00:12:39,500 --> 00:12:41,000
I was that rat -faced boss.
239
00:12:44,140 --> 00:12:46,100
I take it that's a no, Mr Mann.
240
00:12:51,300 --> 00:12:53,000
I'm not asking her, you ask her.
241
00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:56,350
It was you that stuck your fingers up at
her money.
242
00:12:56,460 --> 00:12:57,820
I was being cautious.
243
00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:00,050
Cautious.
244
00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:02,950
Slapping the face with a wet fish, I'd
say.
245
00:13:03,980 --> 00:13:06,090
Poking the eye with a sharp stick, I'd
say.
246
00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:09,510
Cutting your nose? Yeah, I think we get
the picture.
247
00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:12,100
You'll have to apologise.
248
00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:16,670
Apologise, grovel, beg, roll over and
show her you're washing.
249
00:13:16,671 --> 00:13:21,099
And what are you going to do when she's
around morning, noon and night, telling
250
00:13:21,100 --> 00:13:22,720
her they had to run our business?
251
00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:24,010
Rough guess.
252
00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:25,360
Tell her to shut her gob.
253
00:13:51,690 --> 00:13:55,289
Look, Dorian, I might have been a bit...
Tracy, you'll have to speak up a
254
00:13:55,290 --> 00:13:58,570
little. The noise of the machine is
drowning you out.
255
00:13:59,870 --> 00:14:03,989
She says she's sorry if she was rude,
and we'd both like to take advantage of
256
00:14:03,990 --> 00:14:05,040
your kind offer.
257
00:14:06,450 --> 00:14:08,430
Partnership basis? Partnership basis.
258
00:14:08,650 --> 00:14:12,350
Full consultation rights? Full
consultation rights. Name on the
259
00:14:12,490 --> 00:14:16,589
Partnership basis, full consultation
rights, name on the notepaper. And no
260
00:14:16,590 --> 00:14:17,640
bloody interfering.
261
00:14:18,290 --> 00:14:19,340
Thanks for the offer.
262
00:14:19,341 --> 00:14:23,009
maze of hunger would be a worthwhile
investment.
263
00:14:23,010 --> 00:14:27,489
I've just received a very interesting
and well thought out prospectus from
264
00:14:27,490 --> 00:14:28,540
sample this.
265
00:14:28,590 --> 00:14:31,370
Remember the little dress shop I
mentioned?
266
00:14:31,650 --> 00:14:33,050
Could be any old rubbish.
267
00:14:33,051 --> 00:14:35,929
It could be my second cousin's daughter
Crystal and her friend who used to cut
268
00:14:35,930 --> 00:14:36,980
for Vivian Westwood.
269
00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:38,530
So you know our store?
270
00:14:39,590 --> 00:14:40,640
Precisely.
271
00:14:40,890 --> 00:14:42,950
I think I need some convincing evidence.
272
00:14:43,490 --> 00:14:47,549
After all, it won't be just my money
I'll be bringing to the venture. No,
273
00:14:47,550 --> 00:14:52,000
Marcus's. It would be a certain touch of
class with my background.
274
00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:54,400
My standing, my... How shall I put it?
275
00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:55,850
My accent.
276
00:14:55,851 --> 00:15:00,539
Well, you'd be clearing away the Royal
Worcester and putting smoked salmon into
277
00:15:00,540 --> 00:15:01,279
cling film.
278
00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:04,830
Not standing up to your ankles in sweet
sherry and coronation chicken.
279
00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:06,780
Come on, Dore.
280
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:08,840
We were wrong. We need you.
281
00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:13,100
Your cash, our labour, joint management.
What do you say?
282
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:15,560
I say impress me.
283
00:15:16,170 --> 00:15:17,770
I say, make me believe.
284
00:15:18,670 --> 00:15:21,800
I say, maybe tomorrow afternoon, 3 .30
at the Millstream Hotel.
285
00:15:22,630 --> 00:15:24,390
I say, shut the door on the way out.
286
00:15:41,331 --> 00:15:47,319
This hotel, isn't this where Dora had
some bloke or another?
287
00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:49,920
Probably. Yeah, she pulled the catering
manager.
288
00:15:50,140 --> 00:15:51,840
Got the full silver service.
289
00:15:52,260 --> 00:15:55,540
Apparently the staff had to wear formal
dress the whole time.
290
00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:56,890
Did they?
291
00:15:56,920 --> 00:15:58,700
She said he had a stiff dickie.
292
00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:03,410
Come on then.
293
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:07,140
Sammy tells me we're not just here for
afternoon tea and scoops.
294
00:16:09,660 --> 00:16:12,480
Oh, punctual. Good start.
295
00:16:13,230 --> 00:16:16,830
This is Peter, a friend of mine. He is
the ultimate opinion.
296
00:16:17,350 --> 00:16:18,400
Yeah?
297
00:16:18,810 --> 00:16:23,150
So tell us then, Peter, how did she do
on a scale of one to two?
298
00:16:26,010 --> 00:16:27,330
Opinion about what, Dore?
299
00:16:39,490 --> 00:16:41,870
Here is the test, and here is the judge.
300
00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:46,119
Get this cleaned up to Peter's
professional satisfaction and I will
301
00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:49,120
maids of Ongar is a worthwhile
investment.
302
00:16:50,020 --> 00:16:51,420
This has got to be joking.
303
00:16:52,340 --> 00:16:54,320
Your cash, our labour.
304
00:16:54,321 --> 00:16:56,099
Isn't that what you said?
305
00:16:56,100 --> 00:16:58,150
Right. Well, I've got some shopping to
do.
306
00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:02,000
Interesting little place called Sample
This.
307
00:17:03,060 --> 00:17:07,160
Peter and I will be back at six o 'clock
to check on your work.
308
00:17:07,780 --> 00:17:08,830
Come on, Peter.
309
00:17:09,079 --> 00:17:10,129
I'll buy you a drink.
310
00:17:11,109 --> 00:17:12,349
For old time's sake.
311
00:17:12,630 --> 00:17:13,680
You'll need these.
312
00:17:14,390 --> 00:17:15,440
Security ID.
313
00:17:16,730 --> 00:17:17,780
And this.
314
00:17:18,050 --> 00:17:20,950
Checklist. Tables, chairs, cutlery,
glasses.
315
00:17:21,450 --> 00:17:22,650
And et cetera.
316
00:17:28,030 --> 00:17:29,080
No.
317
00:17:29,450 --> 00:17:30,550
No chance.
318
00:17:32,990 --> 00:17:34,730
She's only doing this out of spite.
319
00:17:35,050 --> 00:17:36,530
It's humiliating.
320
00:17:36,990 --> 00:17:38,450
You're right. She is.
321
00:17:38,451 --> 00:17:42,099
Well, what do you suggest we do? Leg it
and tell her to shove her money?
322
00:17:42,100 --> 00:17:43,180
Definitely. Oh,
323
00:17:44,340 --> 00:17:47,110
you've changed your tune. Who was it
made me apologise?
324
00:17:48,460 --> 00:17:52,120
This is different, Trace. This is a
major league piss take.
325
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:55,100
You was right and I was wrong.
326
00:17:55,580 --> 00:17:59,180
We need Dorian. Without her investment,
we're up the creek no paddle.
327
00:17:59,181 --> 00:18:02,729
A hole in the boat and a shoal of
piranha fish licking their chops.
328
00:18:02,730 --> 00:18:04,170
I want to make a go of this show.
329
00:18:04,470 --> 00:18:08,610
I've had enough of no money, no job,
pinching from this one to pay that one.
330
00:18:09,290 --> 00:18:10,410
But we can do this.
331
00:18:11,430 --> 00:18:14,150
I want a bit of independence, a bit of
self -respect.
332
00:18:20,110 --> 00:18:23,010
If she does that, I'll chin her.
333
00:18:25,070 --> 00:18:26,630
Come on, let's get going.
334
00:18:28,350 --> 00:18:30,090
I'll have to leave you to it, Dorian.
335
00:18:30,091 --> 00:18:32,939
Sorry, I'm getting ready for a
publisher's sales conference.
336
00:18:32,940 --> 00:18:35,780
Drunken brawls, bed hopping, possible
drugs raid.
337
00:18:36,620 --> 00:18:39,160
Have a drink on the house. OK, thanks.
338
00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:43,360
Peter, it was fun while it lasted.
339
00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:45,440
It was, Dorian.
340
00:18:45,860 --> 00:18:50,600
Thanks. And things are OK for you now,
are they?
341
00:18:51,100 --> 00:18:52,150
Yeah, fine.
342
00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:55,480
The fact is, I've just got engaged.
343
00:18:57,420 --> 00:18:58,660
Oh, that's great.
344
00:19:00,620 --> 00:19:04,500
Who to? Oh, you don't know her. She's,
you know, someone my own age.
345
00:19:07,060 --> 00:19:09,780
Dorian, I didn't mean... No.
346
00:19:11,360 --> 00:19:12,840
Well, I hope she's nice to you.
347
00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:14,890
You deserve it.
348
00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:22,500
Oh, I'm so sorry.
349
00:19:24,420 --> 00:19:26,460
Are you partially sighted or something?
350
00:19:39,180 --> 00:19:40,230
Charming.
351
00:20:28,691 --> 00:20:32,779
You won't need all this. It's all
supplied.
352
00:20:32,780 --> 00:20:34,240
A banqueting suite, too.
353
00:20:34,241 --> 00:20:38,159
Banqueting suite? Now, love, we're here
to do the kitchens. You're him indoors.
354
00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:39,210
Yeah, that's us.
355
00:20:39,580 --> 00:20:42,080
Banqueting suite, too. First, kitchen,
second.
356
00:20:42,081 --> 00:20:43,319
Oh, you mean.
357
00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:44,980
Is there a problem, Mrs.
358
00:20:45,620 --> 00:20:47,620
Featherstone? Mrs. Featherstone. Paul?
359
00:20:49,980 --> 00:20:53,380
I'm the deputy catering manager. My
colleague here, Mrs.
360
00:20:54,060 --> 00:20:55,110
Gupta.
361
00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:57,560
I spoke to your people earlier today.
362
00:20:57,820 --> 00:20:58,940
It's on the job sheet.
363
00:20:58,941 --> 00:21:01,369
Banqueting suite two, a priority.
364
00:21:01,370 --> 00:21:03,350
Must be finished by... Five -thirty.
365
00:21:03,351 --> 00:21:04,269
Five -thirty.
366
00:21:04,270 --> 00:21:05,650
It's another cock -up, lads.
367
00:21:07,970 --> 00:21:09,430
Banqueting suite two it is.
368
00:21:14,130 --> 00:21:15,180
Whore.
369
00:21:16,310 --> 00:21:17,390
That's how you say it.
370
00:21:23,210 --> 00:21:26,160
Aunt Shelby's goblet. What have you got
them out again for?
371
00:21:26,430 --> 00:21:27,480
We're celebrating.
372
00:21:27,481 --> 00:21:30,039
It's a bit early. to celebrate if you
want my opinion.
373
00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:31,090
I don't.
374
00:21:31,240 --> 00:21:33,280
We're getting sloshed on free champagne.
375
00:21:33,281 --> 00:21:35,219
Don't have to be a special occasion.
376
00:21:35,220 --> 00:21:36,270
It's thieving.
377
00:21:36,940 --> 00:21:39,260
It's paid for. The staff would have had
her.
378
00:21:39,261 --> 00:21:41,919
Suits us though, doesn't it?
379
00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:42,970
What does?
380
00:21:43,340 --> 00:21:44,390
Drinking champagne.
381
00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:47,260
I mean, we'll be the bosses, won't we?
382
00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:50,210
You won't be able to go charring in your
condition.
383
00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:52,900
Yeah, we'll have to hire a workforce.
384
00:21:53,740 --> 00:21:54,790
Stands to reason.
385
00:21:54,980 --> 00:21:56,620
And what will your excuse be?
386
00:21:58,330 --> 00:21:59,830
Executive delegation, Chase.
387
00:22:00,170 --> 00:22:01,550
That's where my talents lie.
388
00:22:02,010 --> 00:22:03,810
It's like we've just done, isn't it?
389
00:22:04,050 --> 00:22:05,630
It's called job targeting.
390
00:22:06,150 --> 00:22:08,680
Well, I hope they'd finish before Dorian
got back.
391
00:22:08,810 --> 00:22:09,860
Dor said six.
392
00:22:10,250 --> 00:22:11,570
We told them our five.
393
00:22:12,130 --> 00:22:15,889
Now, allowing for the fact there was
four of them to two of us, and allowing
394
00:22:15,890 --> 00:22:20,069
the fact that Dorian's never been
shopping and got back on time, I reckon
395
00:22:20,070 --> 00:22:23,970
walk in here with a great big grin on
her face and say how impressed she was.
396
00:22:25,030 --> 00:22:26,250
Well, I'm impressed.
397
00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:28,890
Told you.
398
00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:30,820
Everything after scratch was it done.
399
00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:35,120
Peter gave it an A1 rating. Well, I must
say, I can't disagree with that.
400
00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:36,770
Spick and span?
401
00:22:36,980 --> 00:22:39,540
Absolutely. Right as ninepins?
Definitely.
402
00:22:40,180 --> 00:22:41,230
Clean as a new pin.
403
00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:42,860
No doubt about it.
404
00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:45,880
I bet it came as a surprise, your ex
passing as A1.
405
00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:47,540
So, come on, Dore.
406
00:22:48,180 --> 00:22:51,190
Equal partners. Oh, you've seen what we
can do. I have, Sharon.
407
00:22:51,620 --> 00:22:53,240
I saw the banqueting hall before.
408
00:22:53,520 --> 00:22:55,220
I saw the banqueting hall after.
409
00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:58,740
I saw a gleam on the tables and a
sparkle on the glassware.
410
00:22:59,420 --> 00:23:02,860
I saw the carpets shampooed and
hoovered.
411
00:23:03,820 --> 00:23:07,120
I saw a hunky little man in a boiler
suit who asked me if I was happy.
412
00:23:07,121 --> 00:23:12,619
I gave him a brief resume of my recent
emotional ups and downs, but I don't
413
00:23:12,620 --> 00:23:14,360
think that's what he wanted to know.
414
00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:20,459
He wanted to know if I was happy with
the job that he and his fellow workers
415
00:23:20,460 --> 00:23:21,779
done on the banqueting hall.
416
00:23:21,780 --> 00:23:23,340
And would the manager be happy?
417
00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:25,040
And Mrs Featherstone.
418
00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:26,920
Oh, pardon?
419
00:23:29,060 --> 00:23:31,620
Let me explain, Dor.
420
00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:33,120
Go on, then.
421
00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:37,720
There is a perfectly simple explanation.
422
00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:43,800
I have got an explanation.
423
00:23:45,220 --> 00:23:49,320
And it is perfectly simple.
424
00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:51,980
Yes?
425
00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:55,520
I'll explain, Dore.
426
00:23:56,020 --> 00:23:59,620
We conned those blokes into doing it,
nicked half a dozen bottles of
427
00:23:59,621 --> 00:24:00,639
then shut our phone.
428
00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:03,099
So now you know what you can do with
your money, don't you?
429
00:24:03,100 --> 00:24:04,160
Yes, I do, Tracy.
430
00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:07,020
Invested in the Maids of Anger.
431
00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:10,780
But we pulled a flanker.
432
00:24:10,980 --> 00:24:12,840
Initiative, Sharon. Very impressive.
433
00:24:14,940 --> 00:24:17,240
We offloaded the job and scarpered.
434
00:24:17,660 --> 00:24:19,040
Conservation of resources.
435
00:24:20,100 --> 00:24:21,440
We stole the champagne.
436
00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:22,970
Low cunning.
437
00:24:22,971 --> 00:24:26,859
The most important attribute to the
successful businessman I knew. I could
438
00:24:26,860 --> 00:24:27,910
on you for that.
439
00:24:28,260 --> 00:24:30,120
How did you smuggle it out, by the way?
440
00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:31,740
Think Spider -Man.
441
00:24:34,120 --> 00:24:35,380
So what's the deal, doll?
442
00:24:36,220 --> 00:24:37,270
Partners?
443
00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:39,770
Partners.
444
00:24:40,100 --> 00:24:41,150
Partners.
445
00:24:41,740 --> 00:24:43,540
So what about the little frock shop?
446
00:24:43,541 --> 00:24:46,919
Did sound more your sort of thing, doll.
I mean, I've never really thought of
447
00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:48,660
you as a plunger and a damp squeegee.
448
00:24:48,900 --> 00:24:49,950
No comment.
449
00:24:51,500 --> 00:24:54,030
No, I decided it was an unattractive
proposition.
450
00:24:54,340 --> 00:24:57,050
They were focusing more on the older end
of the market.
451
00:25:00,180 --> 00:25:01,880
Sounds right up your street door.
452
00:25:02,540 --> 00:25:03,590
Street door!
453
00:25:03,591 --> 00:25:09,579
Right, well, we'll have to recruit some
help and find some permanent cleaning
454
00:25:09,580 --> 00:25:11,440
staff. We'll scour the neighbourhood.
455
00:25:16,721 --> 00:25:23,749
a job sent at first thing Monday
morning. No need. I've already placed an
456
00:25:23,750 --> 00:25:24,800
How have you?
457
00:25:26,410 --> 00:25:30,710
Wanted. Workers, male or female, must be
capable and willing.
458
00:25:31,310 --> 00:25:32,690
Ain't good at cleaning door.
459
00:25:32,731 --> 00:25:35,289
Then there's the hardware.
460
00:25:35,290 --> 00:25:36,340
Oh, I love that word.
461
00:25:36,470 --> 00:25:41,989
That. Polishes, sponges, mops, marigold.
I know a wearer. That'll do us a really
462
00:25:41,990 --> 00:25:42,669
good deal.
463
00:25:42,670 --> 00:25:43,770
I've got a catalogue.
464
00:25:44,110 --> 00:25:47,430
Special discount for new businesses,
which we're not yet.
465
00:25:47,930 --> 00:25:52,309
A business, I mean. All in hand. My
accountant is forming a limited company
466
00:25:52,310 --> 00:25:53,709
us. I've had the cards printed.
467
00:25:53,710 --> 00:25:55,590
I told you, she's taken over already.
468
00:25:58,250 --> 00:25:59,910
What's this picture at the top?
469
00:26:00,330 --> 00:26:01,380
That's our new logo.
470
00:26:01,550 --> 00:26:02,830
Crossed Hoover nozzles.
471
00:26:03,470 --> 00:26:04,520
Oh, that's a relief.
472
00:26:05,750 --> 00:26:08,040
What's happened to my mop and bucket
design?
473
00:26:08,450 --> 00:26:09,830
Too down market, Tracy.
474
00:26:10,890 --> 00:26:15,250
Directors. Dorian Green, Tracy Stubbs,
Sharon Fiatopoulopoulos.
475
00:26:18,100 --> 00:26:20,450
Alphabetical order, Sharon. It's
democratic.
476
00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:23,220
Two crossed over nozzles looking like
willies.
477
00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:25,840
That ain't down market, is it?
478
00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:28,240
Theodopilopidas. F.
479
00:26:28,540 --> 00:26:29,760
F comes before G.
480
00:26:30,340 --> 00:26:32,220
I love my mop and bucket design.
481
00:26:32,221 --> 00:26:35,319
Well, at least your name ain't last, is
it? Oh, shut up, you two.
482
00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:39,519
We're going to make a great team. Your
organisational skills, my flair and good
483
00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:43,519
taste, and Sharon's ability to
communicate with the most stupid members
484
00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:44,570
workforce.
485
00:26:45,020 --> 00:26:46,070
So...
486
00:26:49,940 --> 00:26:51,460
A toast.
487
00:26:52,120 --> 00:26:53,620
The Maids of Ongar.
488
00:26:54,540 --> 00:26:56,320
The Maids of Ongar.
489
00:26:56,370 --> 00:27:00,920
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