All language subtitles for Birds of a Feather s08e03 The Maids Of Ongar.eng

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:27,029 --> 00:00:28,079 No. 2 00:00:28,650 --> 00:00:32,709 You silly cow, I nearly dropped it. Nearly dropped it in at the pawnbrokers 3 00:00:32,710 --> 00:00:33,949 along with the other three. 4 00:00:33,950 --> 00:00:35,690 You'd think I was going to pawn them. 5 00:00:35,970 --> 00:00:37,020 Weren't you? 6 00:00:37,150 --> 00:00:38,200 No. 7 00:00:38,870 --> 00:00:40,470 I was taking them to Sotheby's. 8 00:00:40,471 --> 00:00:45,229 I don't suppose the fact that they ain't yours would have stopped you? 9 00:00:45,230 --> 00:00:46,280 They are mine. 10 00:00:47,330 --> 00:00:48,410 Well, yours and mine. 11 00:00:49,290 --> 00:00:52,250 Family heirloom. Come on, Trace, be reasonable. 12 00:00:52,830 --> 00:00:55,780 You want to make a go at this cleaning business, don't you? 13 00:00:55,850 --> 00:00:58,500 Mate -a -bonger was my idea, if you remember rightly. 14 00:00:58,810 --> 00:01:00,010 My idea? 15 00:01:00,610 --> 00:01:02,770 No, it wasn't. It can't have been. 16 00:01:03,050 --> 00:01:04,100 And why not? 17 00:01:04,310 --> 00:01:07,910 Because it involves careful planning, determination and hard work. 18 00:01:07,911 --> 00:01:09,729 They are not things you're good at. 19 00:01:09,730 --> 00:01:12,170 What you're good at is eating and lying down. 20 00:01:14,150 --> 00:01:15,430 Excuse me? 21 00:01:15,850 --> 00:01:17,530 I was under the doctor. 22 00:01:19,990 --> 00:01:21,510 I was allergic. 23 00:01:22,330 --> 00:01:24,590 If you was allergic, you'd want to lie down. 24 00:01:24,591 --> 00:01:28,699 Put them on a light down with a deep pan American hot, large chips, curry sauce 25 00:01:28,700 --> 00:01:29,920 and a frozen Mars bar. 26 00:01:31,820 --> 00:01:33,180 They were on my diet sheet. 27 00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:35,820 I was just mixing and matching. 28 00:01:35,821 --> 00:01:38,679 Anyway, it was comfort eating. 29 00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:40,680 Not for any one damn wind it wasn't. 30 00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:45,070 Anyway, these are Aunt Sylvie's. Put them away. 31 00:01:45,140 --> 00:01:46,880 They're not going under the hammer. 32 00:01:46,900 --> 00:01:48,520 We never use them. 33 00:01:49,020 --> 00:01:51,840 They've been in a cupboard since Aunt Sylvie passed on. 34 00:01:52,240 --> 00:01:53,880 She kept them in a cupboard. 35 00:01:53,881 --> 00:01:57,029 Probably never even had their bottoms wet. 36 00:01:57,030 --> 00:01:58,510 More than can be said for some. 37 00:01:59,890 --> 00:02:00,940 Your point? 38 00:02:01,710 --> 00:02:02,760 Sentimental value. 39 00:02:03,070 --> 00:02:06,380 Sharon, some families have an old painting or a bit of a sculpture. 40 00:02:06,450 --> 00:02:10,149 Some have a silver service. Some have a wash name you write on when the flat 41 00:02:10,150 --> 00:02:11,200 comes down. 42 00:02:11,310 --> 00:02:15,349 We've got a set of genuine Victorian goblets and they're not going to the 43 00:02:15,350 --> 00:02:18,130 room. You see genuine Victorian goblets? 44 00:02:19,010 --> 00:02:21,670 I see industrial polishers. 45 00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:25,340 I see a small fleet of bagless vacs. 46 00:02:26,440 --> 00:02:29,090 Why do they call them goblets? Do people use their... No. 47 00:02:31,340 --> 00:02:32,390 You're just bitter. 48 00:02:32,420 --> 00:02:33,500 Now, give us a sit here. 49 00:02:33,980 --> 00:02:37,060 No, we need the money. Come on. No. Give me it. 50 00:02:37,061 --> 00:02:43,579 Anyway, we ain't going to raise the kind of money we need, flogging off domestic 51 00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:47,099 bits and pieces, not unless the previous owners have left a Rembrandt in the 52 00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:48,039 attic. 53 00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:49,780 How would they get a piano up there? 54 00:02:51,850 --> 00:02:53,410 They're very tasteful. 55 00:02:53,411 --> 00:02:56,609 What on earth did they happen to be in your possession? 56 00:02:56,610 --> 00:02:58,470 Do you like them, Dawn? We've got four. 57 00:02:58,471 --> 00:03:01,569 Well, I'm more of a fast -on -to -beneath person, Sharon. Surely you can 58 00:03:01,570 --> 00:03:02,620 that. 59 00:03:02,750 --> 00:03:03,800 Back on what? 60 00:03:05,930 --> 00:03:06,980 Twenty pounds glass. 61 00:03:07,490 --> 00:03:09,690 They're not glass. It's their goblets. 62 00:03:10,550 --> 00:03:11,600 Fifty. 63 00:03:11,601 --> 00:03:15,229 As someone who thinks that Chippendale Draws is another name for a posing 64 00:03:15,230 --> 00:03:17,030 you are the last person to judge them. 65 00:03:17,490 --> 00:03:18,770 Thirty. Last offer. 66 00:03:19,150 --> 00:03:20,290 They're not for sale. 67 00:03:20,780 --> 00:03:21,920 And you've got no pride. 68 00:03:23,180 --> 00:03:27,619 That lot of youse pride is when you get to the checkout with a trolley full of 69 00:03:27,620 --> 00:03:31,439 gear and they go to swipe your card and it says no chance and some bloke in a 70 00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:34,719 nylon shirt wheels off your trolley and you're running after him shouting, could 71 00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:37,310 I just have the always and the tandoori selection? 72 00:03:38,580 --> 00:03:40,500 I think I'll put these somewhere safe. 73 00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:43,170 31. 35. 74 00:03:43,380 --> 00:03:44,430 32 and a half. 75 00:03:44,431 --> 00:03:51,339 You're going to get through 12 strong lagers in an evening. I'll have a bottle 76 00:03:51,340 --> 00:03:52,420 bank put in the garden. 77 00:03:52,660 --> 00:03:56,580 Brown glass, green glass, clear glass, lazy mare's empties. 78 00:03:57,440 --> 00:03:58,580 Dustpan, brush, now. 79 00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:01,440 And mine the glass is. 80 00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:03,890 Goblet. 81 00:04:03,891 --> 00:04:08,199 There's something wrong, Tracy. I can see it in your expression. 82 00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:09,380 It's a sort of... 83 00:04:09,381 --> 00:04:12,519 I'm a middle -aged mother -to -be with no visible means of support and a 84 00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:15,890 who can't stay out of jail sort of expression. Quite common, really. 85 00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:20,050 So's the ageing type with crow's feet who failed the pencil test look. 86 00:04:21,399 --> 00:04:25,860 And my husband left me for a woman that owns a blender and shops at C &A, look. 87 00:04:25,861 --> 00:04:30,459 Sharon's right, though. I mean, we're never going to get the maids of Ongar 88 00:04:30,460 --> 00:04:33,679 shaking and vacuuming without a cash flow. Well, how much do you need? 89 00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:35,580 Oh, I'm right, am I? 90 00:04:36,060 --> 00:04:37,420 Well, that's good to hear. 91 00:04:38,060 --> 00:04:42,239 A moment ago, I was a heartless, lager -swilling cow who wanted to put memory 92 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:43,440 lane up for development. 93 00:04:43,441 --> 00:04:47,659 What's the ballpark figure? You are a heartless, lager -swilling cow, but we 94 00:04:47,660 --> 00:04:48,979 need an injection of capital. 95 00:04:48,980 --> 00:04:51,199 How big an injection? So where's it coming from? 96 00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:55,199 Well, I... You expect me to stand on a corner in fishnets and lorix swinging me 97 00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:58,939 handbags? Kate, you're not interested. Forget I ever made you the offer. No, 98 00:04:58,940 --> 00:05:02,219 thanks. I don't fancy going to buy a turbocharged floor buffer with a 99 00:05:02,220 --> 00:05:03,900 wheelbarrow full of small change. 100 00:05:05,830 --> 00:05:06,880 What offer? 101 00:05:07,670 --> 00:05:09,350 Door! Door! Door! 102 00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:15,390 What offer? How much? 103 00:05:16,230 --> 00:05:17,450 How much do you need? 104 00:05:18,470 --> 00:05:19,790 Lots. How much have you got? 105 00:05:19,791 --> 00:05:23,289 Well, I've just come into a small amount of money and I'm looking for a suitable 106 00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:24,340 investment. 107 00:05:24,341 --> 00:05:25,449 How small? 108 00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:26,500 Not that small. 109 00:05:27,430 --> 00:05:29,690 Well, go on. On the big side of small. 110 00:05:30,630 --> 00:05:31,680 Biggish. 111 00:05:31,930 --> 00:05:32,980 Quite big. 112 00:05:33,910 --> 00:05:34,960 Is it legit? 113 00:05:35,260 --> 00:05:36,310 I resent that. 114 00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:39,220 Every penny I ever spent came to me by hard work. 115 00:05:39,221 --> 00:05:42,759 Every penny you ever spent you got by being married to Marcus. Exactly. Hard 116 00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:43,810 work. 117 00:05:44,140 --> 00:05:46,220 So where did this nest egg come from? 118 00:05:46,500 --> 00:05:51,159 Well, before I left Chigwell, I took some of Marcus's documents to be 119 00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:52,210 photocopied. 120 00:05:53,280 --> 00:05:54,980 Lots of documents, actually. 121 00:05:56,100 --> 00:05:58,180 Everything I could lay my hands on. 122 00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:02,020 I found an offshore account I hadn't spotted before. 123 00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:04,080 So the money's not legit, then? 124 00:06:05,420 --> 00:06:08,820 I didn't nick it. You didn't nick it. She didn't nick it. It's legit. 125 00:06:08,821 --> 00:06:10,459 How much? 126 00:06:10,460 --> 00:06:14,070 Enough to cover the Maids of Ongo with a little leftover for essentials. 127 00:06:14,071 --> 00:06:17,619 Armani, De Beers, the Maldives. She hasn't nicked it yet, but she's going to 128 00:06:17,620 --> 00:06:18,319 nick it. 129 00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:22,120 A woman on her own has to take her chances. My back is against the wall. 130 00:06:22,340 --> 00:06:23,580 A familiar position. 131 00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:26,920 Anyway, Marcus wants me to have it. 132 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:30,420 He said, I realise I am the erring party. 133 00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:32,780 I have deceived you for years. 134 00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:34,960 with someone from planet Draylon. 135 00:06:36,780 --> 00:06:38,540 Take the money. Empty the account. 136 00:06:38,840 --> 00:06:39,890 It's yours. 137 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:41,260 No, he didn't. 138 00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:44,790 No, he didn't. He accused me of serial infidelity. 139 00:06:45,420 --> 00:06:48,160 Serial? Make the archers look like newsflash. 140 00:06:48,900 --> 00:06:50,400 Still, it was generous of him. 141 00:06:50,401 --> 00:06:54,079 Well, yes and no. I threatened to send an anonymous letter to the Inland 142 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,130 Revenue. 143 00:06:55,340 --> 00:06:58,180 So how much were you thinking of, Dorian? 144 00:06:58,420 --> 00:07:00,100 And what sort of interest rate? 145 00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:01,450 A loan. 146 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:04,520 No, I wasn't thinking of a loan, Tracy. 147 00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:07,480 I was thinking more of a direct involvement. 148 00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:10,360 Bucket of suds and a stiff brush. 149 00:07:10,361 --> 00:07:14,339 Part of you are down and around the knees with a smile on her face. 150 00:07:14,340 --> 00:07:15,620 No, many have. 151 00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:24,920 I was thinking more Maids of Ongar, PLC, Chief Exec, Dee Green. 152 00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:26,930 You're joking. 153 00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:29,430 You want the profit without any of the graft. 154 00:07:29,900 --> 00:07:31,160 Whose money is it? 155 00:07:32,810 --> 00:07:36,060 I am looking for an investment opportunity, not a job as a skivvy. 156 00:07:36,570 --> 00:07:40,429 There are others who wouldn't sneer at the offer of a cash injection. You need 157 00:07:40,430 --> 00:07:44,069 figurehead. If I remember rightly, a figurehead hangs off the front end of a 158 00:07:44,070 --> 00:07:45,330 boat showing a frothy bit. 159 00:07:46,270 --> 00:07:48,130 Not quite the image we're looking for. 160 00:07:48,530 --> 00:07:51,890 Tracy, what others do? 161 00:07:52,330 --> 00:07:54,290 I mean a little frock shop. 162 00:07:54,990 --> 00:07:56,040 Design a sample. 163 00:07:56,550 --> 00:07:58,110 Ethnic jewellery as a sideline. 164 00:07:58,810 --> 00:08:01,700 Potential gold mine. Hainaut Parade, eager for a sponsor. 165 00:08:02,270 --> 00:08:04,620 And about, we haven't said no, have we, Tracy? 166 00:08:05,130 --> 00:08:06,180 Yes. No. 167 00:08:08,050 --> 00:08:10,100 You're looking a gift horse in the mouth. 168 00:08:12,050 --> 00:08:13,470 Nothing personal, Dorian. 169 00:08:13,471 --> 00:08:17,469 What's the matter, Tracy? My money not good enough for you? It's not the money, 170 00:08:17,470 --> 00:08:18,520 Dor. It's you. 171 00:08:18,650 --> 00:08:21,330 We want to run our business our way. No interfering. 172 00:08:22,370 --> 00:08:24,410 What makes you think I would interfere? 173 00:08:24,411 --> 00:08:29,409 Dorian, there are only two things you're famous for. And the second one is 174 00:08:29,410 --> 00:08:30,460 poking your nose in. 175 00:08:31,850 --> 00:08:35,110 It was a genuine suggestion made in the spirit of friendship. 176 00:08:38,510 --> 00:08:44,749 If you choose to reject it, my response can only be to withdraw the offer while 177 00:08:44,750 --> 00:08:47,220 maintaining a civilised and tolerant attitude. 178 00:08:53,310 --> 00:08:56,910 You made a big mistake, Tracy. 179 00:08:57,730 --> 00:09:02,689 Rule number one when you're totally... and someone offers to lend you money, 180 00:09:02,690 --> 00:09:04,070 not to get on their bristles. 181 00:09:04,970 --> 00:09:07,230 Do you really want Dorian for our boss? 182 00:09:07,850 --> 00:09:11,290 Well, since you ask, I'd sooner be Noel Edmonds' sex slave. 183 00:09:12,710 --> 00:09:14,690 It was a good offer, Trace. 184 00:09:14,990 --> 00:09:17,160 Where else are we going to go for the money? 185 00:09:17,270 --> 00:09:19,990 We're a small business. We need a start -up loan. 186 00:09:20,190 --> 00:09:22,110 Where does anyone else go to get money? 187 00:09:22,130 --> 00:09:23,180 We'll go to the bank. 188 00:09:23,910 --> 00:09:24,960 OK. 189 00:09:27,890 --> 00:09:28,940 Hello? 190 00:09:29,290 --> 00:09:32,300 to make an appointment with your small businesses manager. 191 00:09:32,750 --> 00:09:34,070 Stubbs. Ms. 192 00:09:35,390 --> 00:09:36,770 Yeah, okay, that'll be fine. 193 00:09:37,070 --> 00:09:38,120 Thank you. 194 00:09:38,430 --> 00:09:40,720 Tracy Stubbs and Sharon Theodopoulopoulos. 195 00:09:42,610 --> 00:09:43,660 Theo. 196 00:09:44,170 --> 00:09:45,710 Yes. Doppo. 197 00:09:46,370 --> 00:09:47,420 Yes. 198 00:09:47,510 --> 00:09:48,560 Loppo. 199 00:09:48,830 --> 00:09:50,170 Yes. Doz. 200 00:09:51,490 --> 00:09:52,540 Ms. 201 00:09:54,050 --> 00:09:56,190 No, not Theodopoulopoulos, Ms. 202 00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:00,660 Yeah, okay then. 203 00:10:00,920 --> 00:10:03,500 Right. See you then. Bye. 204 00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:06,890 I'm ready. 205 00:10:23,020 --> 00:10:25,060 Have a seat. 206 00:10:31,340 --> 00:10:32,390 I'm Martin Mann. 207 00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:36,980 Which muzz are you? 208 00:10:38,980 --> 00:10:42,260 Stubbs. So you're Muzz Theodopolopoulos. 209 00:10:43,060 --> 00:10:44,180 Yes, that's right. 210 00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:45,600 And how can I help you? 211 00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:48,440 We've had a vision, Mr Mann. 212 00:10:53,180 --> 00:10:59,519 It's a vision of two women with ambition, assertiveness... And a bloody 213 00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:00,680 tub of carpet shampoo. 214 00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:04,940 We'll do houses. We'll do hoffices. 215 00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:08,420 We'll do banks. 216 00:11:08,860 --> 00:11:10,440 We'll offer competitive rates. 217 00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:13,540 We'll pay our workers a fair wage. We'll cut corners. 218 00:11:13,900 --> 00:11:15,400 We'll plough the profits back. 219 00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:16,860 We'll give the best service. 220 00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:19,470 Because we are determined to make it work, Mr Man. 221 00:11:22,980 --> 00:11:25,820 We just need a helping hand. A leg over. 222 00:11:34,220 --> 00:11:35,420 We also need some dosh. 223 00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:37,690 Mr Mann. 224 00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:40,920 We're not asking you to speculate. 225 00:11:41,660 --> 00:11:43,380 We're not asking you to take a risk. 226 00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:45,840 This is a sure thing, Mr Mann. 227 00:11:48,680 --> 00:11:51,980 A small business that one day will be a big business. 228 00:11:52,260 --> 00:11:53,840 A stake in the future. 229 00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:56,100 We're not asking for a bed of roses. 230 00:11:57,440 --> 00:11:59,520 We're just asking you to give us a chance. 231 00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:02,840 What do you say, Mr Mann? 232 00:12:11,500 --> 00:12:15,200 Well, as you know, we're a listening bank that likes to say yes. 233 00:12:16,080 --> 00:12:21,899 Great. Oh, we like to say yes to new ideas, yes to enterprising people, yes 234 00:12:21,900 --> 00:12:23,720 initiatives. Oh, fabulous. 235 00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:29,339 However, I'm afraid it's our policy always to say no to the wives of men who 236 00:12:29,340 --> 00:12:34,799 into our bank waving a sawn -off shotgun and yelling, hand over the money, you 237 00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:35,850 rat -faced bastard. 238 00:12:39,500 --> 00:12:41,000 I was that rat -faced boss. 239 00:12:44,140 --> 00:12:46,100 I take it that's a no, Mr Mann. 240 00:12:51,300 --> 00:12:53,000 I'm not asking her, you ask her. 241 00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:56,350 It was you that stuck your fingers up at her money. 242 00:12:56,460 --> 00:12:57,820 I was being cautious. 243 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:00,050 Cautious. 244 00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:02,950 Slapping the face with a wet fish, I'd say. 245 00:13:03,980 --> 00:13:06,090 Poking the eye with a sharp stick, I'd say. 246 00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:09,510 Cutting your nose? Yeah, I think we get the picture. 247 00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:12,100 You'll have to apologise. 248 00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:16,670 Apologise, grovel, beg, roll over and show her you're washing. 249 00:13:16,671 --> 00:13:21,099 And what are you going to do when she's around morning, noon and night, telling 250 00:13:21,100 --> 00:13:22,720 her they had to run our business? 251 00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:24,010 Rough guess. 252 00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:25,360 Tell her to shut her gob. 253 00:13:51,690 --> 00:13:55,289 Look, Dorian, I might have been a bit... Tracy, you'll have to speak up a 254 00:13:55,290 --> 00:13:58,570 little. The noise of the machine is drowning you out. 255 00:13:59,870 --> 00:14:03,989 She says she's sorry if she was rude, and we'd both like to take advantage of 256 00:14:03,990 --> 00:14:05,040 your kind offer. 257 00:14:06,450 --> 00:14:08,430 Partnership basis? Partnership basis. 258 00:14:08,650 --> 00:14:12,350 Full consultation rights? Full consultation rights. Name on the 259 00:14:12,490 --> 00:14:16,589 Partnership basis, full consultation rights, name on the notepaper. And no 260 00:14:16,590 --> 00:14:17,640 bloody interfering. 261 00:14:18,290 --> 00:14:19,340 Thanks for the offer. 262 00:14:19,341 --> 00:14:23,009 maze of hunger would be a worthwhile investment. 263 00:14:23,010 --> 00:14:27,489 I've just received a very interesting and well thought out prospectus from 264 00:14:27,490 --> 00:14:28,540 sample this. 265 00:14:28,590 --> 00:14:31,370 Remember the little dress shop I mentioned? 266 00:14:31,650 --> 00:14:33,050 Could be any old rubbish. 267 00:14:33,051 --> 00:14:35,929 It could be my second cousin's daughter Crystal and her friend who used to cut 268 00:14:35,930 --> 00:14:36,980 for Vivian Westwood. 269 00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:38,530 So you know our store? 270 00:14:39,590 --> 00:14:40,640 Precisely. 271 00:14:40,890 --> 00:14:42,950 I think I need some convincing evidence. 272 00:14:43,490 --> 00:14:47,549 After all, it won't be just my money I'll be bringing to the venture. No, 273 00:14:47,550 --> 00:14:52,000 Marcus's. It would be a certain touch of class with my background. 274 00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:54,400 My standing, my... How shall I put it? 275 00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:55,850 My accent. 276 00:14:55,851 --> 00:15:00,539 Well, you'd be clearing away the Royal Worcester and putting smoked salmon into 277 00:15:00,540 --> 00:15:01,279 cling film. 278 00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:04,830 Not standing up to your ankles in sweet sherry and coronation chicken. 279 00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:06,780 Come on, Dore. 280 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:08,840 We were wrong. We need you. 281 00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:13,100 Your cash, our labour, joint management. What do you say? 282 00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:15,560 I say impress me. 283 00:15:16,170 --> 00:15:17,770 I say, make me believe. 284 00:15:18,670 --> 00:15:21,800 I say, maybe tomorrow afternoon, 3 .30 at the Millstream Hotel. 285 00:15:22,630 --> 00:15:24,390 I say, shut the door on the way out. 286 00:15:41,331 --> 00:15:47,319 This hotel, isn't this where Dora had some bloke or another? 287 00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:49,920 Probably. Yeah, she pulled the catering manager. 288 00:15:50,140 --> 00:15:51,840 Got the full silver service. 289 00:15:52,260 --> 00:15:55,540 Apparently the staff had to wear formal dress the whole time. 290 00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:56,890 Did they? 291 00:15:56,920 --> 00:15:58,700 She said he had a stiff dickie. 292 00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:03,410 Come on then. 293 00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:07,140 Sammy tells me we're not just here for afternoon tea and scoops. 294 00:16:09,660 --> 00:16:12,480 Oh, punctual. Good start. 295 00:16:13,230 --> 00:16:16,830 This is Peter, a friend of mine. He is the ultimate opinion. 296 00:16:17,350 --> 00:16:18,400 Yeah? 297 00:16:18,810 --> 00:16:23,150 So tell us then, Peter, how did she do on a scale of one to two? 298 00:16:26,010 --> 00:16:27,330 Opinion about what, Dore? 299 00:16:39,490 --> 00:16:41,870 Here is the test, and here is the judge. 300 00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:46,119 Get this cleaned up to Peter's professional satisfaction and I will 301 00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:49,120 maids of Ongar is a worthwhile investment. 302 00:16:50,020 --> 00:16:51,420 This has got to be joking. 303 00:16:52,340 --> 00:16:54,320 Your cash, our labour. 304 00:16:54,321 --> 00:16:56,099 Isn't that what you said? 305 00:16:56,100 --> 00:16:58,150 Right. Well, I've got some shopping to do. 306 00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:02,000 Interesting little place called Sample This. 307 00:17:03,060 --> 00:17:07,160 Peter and I will be back at six o 'clock to check on your work. 308 00:17:07,780 --> 00:17:08,830 Come on, Peter. 309 00:17:09,079 --> 00:17:10,129 I'll buy you a drink. 310 00:17:11,109 --> 00:17:12,349 For old time's sake. 311 00:17:12,630 --> 00:17:13,680 You'll need these. 312 00:17:14,390 --> 00:17:15,440 Security ID. 313 00:17:16,730 --> 00:17:17,780 And this. 314 00:17:18,050 --> 00:17:20,950 Checklist. Tables, chairs, cutlery, glasses. 315 00:17:21,450 --> 00:17:22,650 And et cetera. 316 00:17:28,030 --> 00:17:29,080 No. 317 00:17:29,450 --> 00:17:30,550 No chance. 318 00:17:32,990 --> 00:17:34,730 She's only doing this out of spite. 319 00:17:35,050 --> 00:17:36,530 It's humiliating. 320 00:17:36,990 --> 00:17:38,450 You're right. She is. 321 00:17:38,451 --> 00:17:42,099 Well, what do you suggest we do? Leg it and tell her to shove her money? 322 00:17:42,100 --> 00:17:43,180 Definitely. Oh, 323 00:17:44,340 --> 00:17:47,110 you've changed your tune. Who was it made me apologise? 324 00:17:48,460 --> 00:17:52,120 This is different, Trace. This is a major league piss take. 325 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:55,100 You was right and I was wrong. 326 00:17:55,580 --> 00:17:59,180 We need Dorian. Without her investment, we're up the creek no paddle. 327 00:17:59,181 --> 00:18:02,729 A hole in the boat and a shoal of piranha fish licking their chops. 328 00:18:02,730 --> 00:18:04,170 I want to make a go of this show. 329 00:18:04,470 --> 00:18:08,610 I've had enough of no money, no job, pinching from this one to pay that one. 330 00:18:09,290 --> 00:18:10,410 But we can do this. 331 00:18:11,430 --> 00:18:14,150 I want a bit of independence, a bit of self -respect. 332 00:18:20,110 --> 00:18:23,010 If she does that, I'll chin her. 333 00:18:25,070 --> 00:18:26,630 Come on, let's get going. 334 00:18:28,350 --> 00:18:30,090 I'll have to leave you to it, Dorian. 335 00:18:30,091 --> 00:18:32,939 Sorry, I'm getting ready for a publisher's sales conference. 336 00:18:32,940 --> 00:18:35,780 Drunken brawls, bed hopping, possible drugs raid. 337 00:18:36,620 --> 00:18:39,160 Have a drink on the house. OK, thanks. 338 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:43,360 Peter, it was fun while it lasted. 339 00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:45,440 It was, Dorian. 340 00:18:45,860 --> 00:18:50,600 Thanks. And things are OK for you now, are they? 341 00:18:51,100 --> 00:18:52,150 Yeah, fine. 342 00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:55,480 The fact is, I've just got engaged. 343 00:18:57,420 --> 00:18:58,660 Oh, that's great. 344 00:19:00,620 --> 00:19:04,500 Who to? Oh, you don't know her. She's, you know, someone my own age. 345 00:19:07,060 --> 00:19:09,780 Dorian, I didn't mean... No. 346 00:19:11,360 --> 00:19:12,840 Well, I hope she's nice to you. 347 00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:14,890 You deserve it. 348 00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:22,500 Oh, I'm so sorry. 349 00:19:24,420 --> 00:19:26,460 Are you partially sighted or something? 350 00:19:39,180 --> 00:19:40,230 Charming. 351 00:20:28,691 --> 00:20:32,779 You won't need all this. It's all supplied. 352 00:20:32,780 --> 00:20:34,240 A banqueting suite, too. 353 00:20:34,241 --> 00:20:38,159 Banqueting suite? Now, love, we're here to do the kitchens. You're him indoors. 354 00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:39,210 Yeah, that's us. 355 00:20:39,580 --> 00:20:42,080 Banqueting suite, too. First, kitchen, second. 356 00:20:42,081 --> 00:20:43,319 Oh, you mean. 357 00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:44,980 Is there a problem, Mrs. 358 00:20:45,620 --> 00:20:47,620 Featherstone? Mrs. Featherstone. Paul? 359 00:20:49,980 --> 00:20:53,380 I'm the deputy catering manager. My colleague here, Mrs. 360 00:20:54,060 --> 00:20:55,110 Gupta. 361 00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:57,560 I spoke to your people earlier today. 362 00:20:57,820 --> 00:20:58,940 It's on the job sheet. 363 00:20:58,941 --> 00:21:01,369 Banqueting suite two, a priority. 364 00:21:01,370 --> 00:21:03,350 Must be finished by... Five -thirty. 365 00:21:03,351 --> 00:21:04,269 Five -thirty. 366 00:21:04,270 --> 00:21:05,650 It's another cock -up, lads. 367 00:21:07,970 --> 00:21:09,430 Banqueting suite two it is. 368 00:21:14,130 --> 00:21:15,180 Whore. 369 00:21:16,310 --> 00:21:17,390 That's how you say it. 370 00:21:23,210 --> 00:21:26,160 Aunt Shelby's goblet. What have you got them out again for? 371 00:21:26,430 --> 00:21:27,480 We're celebrating. 372 00:21:27,481 --> 00:21:30,039 It's a bit early. to celebrate if you want my opinion. 373 00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:31,090 I don't. 374 00:21:31,240 --> 00:21:33,280 We're getting sloshed on free champagne. 375 00:21:33,281 --> 00:21:35,219 Don't have to be a special occasion. 376 00:21:35,220 --> 00:21:36,270 It's thieving. 377 00:21:36,940 --> 00:21:39,260 It's paid for. The staff would have had her. 378 00:21:39,261 --> 00:21:41,919 Suits us though, doesn't it? 379 00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:42,970 What does? 380 00:21:43,340 --> 00:21:44,390 Drinking champagne. 381 00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:47,260 I mean, we'll be the bosses, won't we? 382 00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:50,210 You won't be able to go charring in your condition. 383 00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:52,900 Yeah, we'll have to hire a workforce. 384 00:21:53,740 --> 00:21:54,790 Stands to reason. 385 00:21:54,980 --> 00:21:56,620 And what will your excuse be? 386 00:21:58,330 --> 00:21:59,830 Executive delegation, Chase. 387 00:22:00,170 --> 00:22:01,550 That's where my talents lie. 388 00:22:02,010 --> 00:22:03,810 It's like we've just done, isn't it? 389 00:22:04,050 --> 00:22:05,630 It's called job targeting. 390 00:22:06,150 --> 00:22:08,680 Well, I hope they'd finish before Dorian got back. 391 00:22:08,810 --> 00:22:09,860 Dor said six. 392 00:22:10,250 --> 00:22:11,570 We told them our five. 393 00:22:12,130 --> 00:22:15,889 Now, allowing for the fact there was four of them to two of us, and allowing 394 00:22:15,890 --> 00:22:20,069 the fact that Dorian's never been shopping and got back on time, I reckon 395 00:22:20,070 --> 00:22:23,970 walk in here with a great big grin on her face and say how impressed she was. 396 00:22:25,030 --> 00:22:26,250 Well, I'm impressed. 397 00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:28,890 Told you. 398 00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:30,820 Everything after scratch was it done. 399 00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:35,120 Peter gave it an A1 rating. Well, I must say, I can't disagree with that. 400 00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:36,770 Spick and span? 401 00:22:36,980 --> 00:22:39,540 Absolutely. Right as ninepins? Definitely. 402 00:22:40,180 --> 00:22:41,230 Clean as a new pin. 403 00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:42,860 No doubt about it. 404 00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:45,880 I bet it came as a surprise, your ex passing as A1. 405 00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:47,540 So, come on, Dore. 406 00:22:48,180 --> 00:22:51,190 Equal partners. Oh, you've seen what we can do. I have, Sharon. 407 00:22:51,620 --> 00:22:53,240 I saw the banqueting hall before. 408 00:22:53,520 --> 00:22:55,220 I saw the banqueting hall after. 409 00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:58,740 I saw a gleam on the tables and a sparkle on the glassware. 410 00:22:59,420 --> 00:23:02,860 I saw the carpets shampooed and hoovered. 411 00:23:03,820 --> 00:23:07,120 I saw a hunky little man in a boiler suit who asked me if I was happy. 412 00:23:07,121 --> 00:23:12,619 I gave him a brief resume of my recent emotional ups and downs, but I don't 413 00:23:12,620 --> 00:23:14,360 think that's what he wanted to know. 414 00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:20,459 He wanted to know if I was happy with the job that he and his fellow workers 415 00:23:20,460 --> 00:23:21,779 done on the banqueting hall. 416 00:23:21,780 --> 00:23:23,340 And would the manager be happy? 417 00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:25,040 And Mrs Featherstone. 418 00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:26,920 Oh, pardon? 419 00:23:29,060 --> 00:23:31,620 Let me explain, Dor. 420 00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:33,120 Go on, then. 421 00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:37,720 There is a perfectly simple explanation. 422 00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:43,800 I have got an explanation. 423 00:23:45,220 --> 00:23:49,320 And it is perfectly simple. 424 00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:51,980 Yes? 425 00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:55,520 I'll explain, Dore. 426 00:23:56,020 --> 00:23:59,620 We conned those blokes into doing it, nicked half a dozen bottles of 427 00:23:59,621 --> 00:24:00,639 then shut our phone. 428 00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:03,099 So now you know what you can do with your money, don't you? 429 00:24:03,100 --> 00:24:04,160 Yes, I do, Tracy. 430 00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:07,020 Invested in the Maids of Anger. 431 00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:10,780 But we pulled a flanker. 432 00:24:10,980 --> 00:24:12,840 Initiative, Sharon. Very impressive. 433 00:24:14,940 --> 00:24:17,240 We offloaded the job and scarpered. 434 00:24:17,660 --> 00:24:19,040 Conservation of resources. 435 00:24:20,100 --> 00:24:21,440 We stole the champagne. 436 00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:22,970 Low cunning. 437 00:24:22,971 --> 00:24:26,859 The most important attribute to the successful businessman I knew. I could 438 00:24:26,860 --> 00:24:27,910 on you for that. 439 00:24:28,260 --> 00:24:30,120 How did you smuggle it out, by the way? 440 00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:31,740 Think Spider -Man. 441 00:24:34,120 --> 00:24:35,380 So what's the deal, doll? 442 00:24:36,220 --> 00:24:37,270 Partners? 443 00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:39,770 Partners. 444 00:24:40,100 --> 00:24:41,150 Partners. 445 00:24:41,740 --> 00:24:43,540 So what about the little frock shop? 446 00:24:43,541 --> 00:24:46,919 Did sound more your sort of thing, doll. I mean, I've never really thought of 447 00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:48,660 you as a plunger and a damp squeegee. 448 00:24:48,900 --> 00:24:49,950 No comment. 449 00:24:51,500 --> 00:24:54,030 No, I decided it was an unattractive proposition. 450 00:24:54,340 --> 00:24:57,050 They were focusing more on the older end of the market. 451 00:25:00,180 --> 00:25:01,880 Sounds right up your street door. 452 00:25:02,540 --> 00:25:03,590 Street door! 453 00:25:03,591 --> 00:25:09,579 Right, well, we'll have to recruit some help and find some permanent cleaning 454 00:25:09,580 --> 00:25:11,440 staff. We'll scour the neighbourhood. 455 00:25:16,721 --> 00:25:23,749 a job sent at first thing Monday morning. No need. I've already placed an 456 00:25:23,750 --> 00:25:24,800 How have you? 457 00:25:26,410 --> 00:25:30,710 Wanted. Workers, male or female, must be capable and willing. 458 00:25:31,310 --> 00:25:32,690 Ain't good at cleaning door. 459 00:25:32,731 --> 00:25:35,289 Then there's the hardware. 460 00:25:35,290 --> 00:25:36,340 Oh, I love that word. 461 00:25:36,470 --> 00:25:41,989 That. Polishes, sponges, mops, marigold. I know a wearer. That'll do us a really 462 00:25:41,990 --> 00:25:42,669 good deal. 463 00:25:42,670 --> 00:25:43,770 I've got a catalogue. 464 00:25:44,110 --> 00:25:47,430 Special discount for new businesses, which we're not yet. 465 00:25:47,930 --> 00:25:52,309 A business, I mean. All in hand. My accountant is forming a limited company 466 00:25:52,310 --> 00:25:53,709 us. I've had the cards printed. 467 00:25:53,710 --> 00:25:55,590 I told you, she's taken over already. 468 00:25:58,250 --> 00:25:59,910 What's this picture at the top? 469 00:26:00,330 --> 00:26:01,380 That's our new logo. 470 00:26:01,550 --> 00:26:02,830 Crossed Hoover nozzles. 471 00:26:03,470 --> 00:26:04,520 Oh, that's a relief. 472 00:26:05,750 --> 00:26:08,040 What's happened to my mop and bucket design? 473 00:26:08,450 --> 00:26:09,830 Too down market, Tracy. 474 00:26:10,890 --> 00:26:15,250 Directors. Dorian Green, Tracy Stubbs, Sharon Fiatopoulopoulos. 475 00:26:18,100 --> 00:26:20,450 Alphabetical order, Sharon. It's democratic. 476 00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:23,220 Two crossed over nozzles looking like willies. 477 00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:25,840 That ain't down market, is it? 478 00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:28,240 Theodopilopidas. F. 479 00:26:28,540 --> 00:26:29,760 F comes before G. 480 00:26:30,340 --> 00:26:32,220 I love my mop and bucket design. 481 00:26:32,221 --> 00:26:35,319 Well, at least your name ain't last, is it? Oh, shut up, you two. 482 00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:39,519 We're going to make a great team. Your organisational skills, my flair and good 483 00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:43,519 taste, and Sharon's ability to communicate with the most stupid members 484 00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:44,570 workforce. 485 00:26:45,020 --> 00:26:46,070 So... 486 00:26:49,940 --> 00:26:51,460 A toast. 487 00:26:52,120 --> 00:26:53,620 The Maids of Ongar. 488 00:26:54,540 --> 00:26:56,320 The Maids of Ongar. 489 00:26:56,370 --> 00:27:00,920 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 37324

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.