All language subtitles for Birds of a Feather s05e14 It Happened In Hollywood- CHRIS SPECIAL
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Ewe
Faroese
Filipino
Finnish
French
Frisian
Ga
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hindi
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Igbo
Indonesian
Interlingua
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Javanese
Kannada
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kurdish (SoranĂ®)
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lingala
Lithuanian
Lozi
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Malayalam
Maltese
Maori
Marathi
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Nigerian Pidgin
Northern Sotho
Norwegian
Norwegian (Nynorsk)
Occitan
Oriya
Oromo
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Punjabi
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Runyakitara
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Serbo-Croatian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Spanish (Latin American)
Sundanese
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Tamil
Tatar
Telugu
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Tshiluba
Tumbuka
Turkish
Turkmen
Twi
Uighur
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof
Xhosa
Yiddish
Yoruba
Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:09,420 --> 00:00:16,000
Grant, we pray you, that your servant
may rest at peace in this grave until
2
00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:21,800
day when you, the resurrection and the
life, enrich her with life made new.
3
00:00:22,880 --> 00:00:29,640
May she, in the light of your
countenance, behold eternal light in
4
00:00:29,640 --> 00:00:30,640
heaven.
5
00:00:31,660 --> 00:00:33,280
Poor old Aunty Silver.
6
00:00:33,980 --> 00:00:37,040
Whenever I smell cabbage boiling, I'll
think of her.
7
00:00:39,220 --> 00:00:41,740
What a way to go on. Run over.
8
00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:44,120
Twice.
9
00:00:44,620 --> 00:00:46,280
Two consecutive buses.
10
00:00:48,120 --> 00:00:49,120
Typical, isn't it?
11
00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:51,940
You hang about for ages, then two come
at last.
12
00:00:53,360 --> 00:00:56,140
Excuse me.
13
00:00:57,560 --> 00:00:58,580
Tracy? Sharon?
14
00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:01,600
Yeah? I'm an old friend of your Aunty
Sylvie's.
15
00:01:01,840 --> 00:01:05,480
She often spoke about the two of you. I
recognised you from her pictures.
16
00:01:06,380 --> 00:01:07,380
Oh.
17
00:01:07,660 --> 00:01:09,720
I just wanted to say how sorry I am.
18
00:01:10,660 --> 00:01:12,580
Sylvie was a good friend to me over the
years.
19
00:01:13,420 --> 00:01:14,420
So very much.
20
00:01:15,300 --> 00:01:17,000
Anyway, nice to have met you.
21
00:01:17,220 --> 00:01:20,640
You know, I swear she knew her days were
numbered.
22
00:01:21,340 --> 00:01:22,279
Oh, yeah?
23
00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:26,320
A few days ago, she made me promise that
if anything happened to her, I was to
24
00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:27,360
get in touch with you both.
25
00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:29,820
Aunt Sylvie had the gift.
26
00:01:30,460 --> 00:01:32,100
She could see the future coming.
27
00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:34,920
Yeah? She only didn't work on them
bathies.
28
00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:38,240
She asked me to give you this.
29
00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:41,280
It's a key.
30
00:01:41,860 --> 00:01:43,080
Well done, Sherlock.
31
00:01:44,220 --> 00:01:46,040
It's a key to a safety deposit box.
32
00:01:46,740 --> 00:01:47,740
Victoria Station.
33
00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:50,980
What's Sylvie doing with a safety
deposit box?
34
00:01:51,700 --> 00:01:54,100
Perhaps she wanted to stash away the
family heirlooms.
35
00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:57,240
Here, Trace, we could have an
inheritance.
36
00:01:57,980 --> 00:01:59,140
Don't daft.
37
00:01:59,460 --> 00:02:00,760
It's possible, isn't it?
38
00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:04,300
Here, mate, did she say... Where's he
gone?
39
00:02:04,980 --> 00:02:05,980
There he is.
40
00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:09,380
Oi! Oi, hold up! Sharon!
41
00:02:09,919 --> 00:02:13,300
This is Walthamstow Cemetery, not
Petticoat Lane Market.
42
00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:15,480
It doesn't matter, does it?
43
00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:19,640
Oh, please God, let it be diamonds.
44
00:02:20,380 --> 00:02:22,320
I don't like ratness crap either.
45
00:02:31,820 --> 00:02:33,440
So much for our inheritance.
46
00:02:33,840 --> 00:02:35,520
The old bat's left us her gas bill.
47
00:02:37,070 --> 00:02:38,130
There's a note and all.
48
00:02:39,330 --> 00:02:44,890
Dear girls, by the time you read this, I
will have shuffled off this mortal
49
00:02:44,890 --> 00:02:50,610
coil. If, on the other hand, I'm still
alive and you are a couple of tea
50
00:02:50,830 --> 00:02:54,810
then get your stinking hands off my
property, you toe rags.
51
00:02:55,210 --> 00:02:56,810
She always had lovely waving words.
52
00:02:57,370 --> 00:03:03,230
For many years, I've carried with me a
secret about the two of you and your
53
00:03:03,230 --> 00:03:04,230
natural parents.
54
00:03:05,610 --> 00:03:08,370
The truth is I knew who they were.
55
00:03:10,730 --> 00:03:17,650
When your mum, God rest her soul,
adopted you both, she made me swear to
56
00:03:17,650 --> 00:03:22,970
shtum. But now I'm gone, it's up to you
to decide for yourselves.
57
00:03:23,890 --> 00:03:26,850
Everything you need to know is in the
envelope.
58
00:03:27,530 --> 00:03:28,810
Love, Sylvie.
59
00:03:36,490 --> 00:03:39,150
I say we open it, and I say we burn it.
60
00:03:39,510 --> 00:03:42,270
Don't be a lemon. Our parents' name's in
there.
61
00:03:42,530 --> 00:03:44,390
Mum and Dad were our parents.
62
00:03:44,950 --> 00:03:47,770
They're gone, Trace. We ain't got no one
now.
63
00:03:48,050 --> 00:03:49,810
Nah? What about Daryl and Chris?
64
00:03:50,410 --> 00:03:56,490
In case you've forgotten, butch
casserole and a sundial are doing a
65
00:03:56,490 --> 00:03:58,470
stretch at one of Her Majesty's holiday
camps.
66
00:03:59,630 --> 00:04:00,830
I don't care.
67
00:04:01,110 --> 00:04:02,690
I still don't want to know. All right.
68
00:04:08,490 --> 00:04:09,490
Have I called it a bad time?
69
00:04:10,930 --> 00:04:15,650
Oh, good. I love to see working -class
women bicker. It's so Albert Square.
70
00:04:17,070 --> 00:04:19,110
Listen here, yo -yo knickers.
71
00:04:22,610 --> 00:04:25,930
I am not in the mood to be patronised by
you, all right?
72
00:04:26,950 --> 00:04:27,950
Very good, Sharon.
73
00:04:28,690 --> 00:04:31,850
A three -syllable word and used in the
correct context.
74
00:04:32,330 --> 00:04:33,930
You should apply to join Mencap.
75
00:04:35,570 --> 00:04:37,390
I think you mean men, sir.
76
00:04:38,060 --> 00:04:39,120
I know what I mean.
77
00:04:39,700 --> 00:04:42,920
Now, girls, I have an important
announcement.
78
00:04:43,780 --> 00:04:49,160
Very soon, Marcus and I are to celebrate
our silver wedding anniversary. And to
79
00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:52,120
mark the occasion... The Queen's going
to present him with the Victoria Cross
80
00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:53,120
for Brady.
81
00:04:53,820 --> 00:04:57,180
We are going to throw the party of the
year.
82
00:04:58,060 --> 00:04:59,980
And I will be the bell of the ball.
83
00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:03,060
Even Big Ben ain't got a bell that old.
84
00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:06,920
You're a hypocrite, Dorian.
85
00:05:07,700 --> 00:05:08,700
What do you mean?
86
00:05:08,900 --> 00:05:12,020
Well, if your guest list was to include
half the blokes you've had since we've
87
00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:14,200
known you, you'd have to hold the party
at Wembley Stadium.
88
00:05:16,180 --> 00:05:20,380
Well, I may have succumbed to the odd
dalliance. Odd dalliance? You've spent
89
00:05:20,380 --> 00:05:22,680
more time staring up at ceilings than
Michelangelo.
90
00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:26,460
Gracie, you exaggerate.
91
00:05:27,700 --> 00:05:32,280
Well, maybe not. Anyway, I want this
party to be the highlight of the
92
00:05:32,280 --> 00:05:33,280
social calendar.
93
00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:34,720
That shouldn't be too difficult.
94
00:05:35,310 --> 00:05:39,790
Your only competition is the annual
rugby club disco, otherwise known as the
95
00:05:39,790 --> 00:05:40,790
Pukason.
96
00:05:41,610 --> 00:05:43,070
Well, not so, Sharon.
97
00:05:43,650 --> 00:05:48,390
As luck would have it, our anniversary
falls on the 18th, the very day that low
98
00:05:48,390 --> 00:05:51,750
-rent bitch, my very best friend Melanie
Fishman, celebrates her birthday.
99
00:05:52,050 --> 00:05:53,530
What, and she's also having a party?
100
00:05:54,050 --> 00:05:55,050
Exactly.
101
00:05:55,550 --> 00:05:59,230
Oh, so all this is about keeping up with
the Fishmans.
102
00:05:59,910 --> 00:06:00,970
Keeping up?
103
00:06:01,630 --> 00:06:02,650
Oh, no.
104
00:06:03,340 --> 00:06:06,700
I fully intend to trounce that white
trash into oblivion.
105
00:06:07,540 --> 00:06:10,480
Well, I think it's an insult to the
sanctity of marriage.
106
00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:14,500
Then you won't mind not being invited,
will you?
107
00:06:17,280 --> 00:06:18,660
Nice one, Trace.
108
00:06:19,100 --> 00:06:21,720
You've just talked yourself out of a
buckshee booze -up.
109
00:06:22,180 --> 00:06:25,620
Oh, don't get smug, Sharon. You're
hardly A -list material yourself.
110
00:06:26,620 --> 00:06:27,680
I'll be coming, will I?
111
00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:32,680
Sharon. If I was that eager to embarrass
myself, I'd become a contestant on
112
00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:33,680
Stars in Their Eyes.
113
00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:37,800
I take it that's a no.
114
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:40,300
Nothing gets past you, does it?
115
00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:43,360
Well, we don't want to go to your poxy
party anyway.
116
00:06:43,620 --> 00:06:45,000
No, it's nothing personal, Tracy.
117
00:06:45,220 --> 00:06:50,120
I mean, should I ever host a good old
cockney knees -up with whelks and pies
118
00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:53,440
scruffy old flatulent men singing
jitters about the Second World War,
119
00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:54,440
the first to know.
120
00:06:55,370 --> 00:06:58,770
Well, now you've given us your uninvite,
you can sling your hook. We've got
121
00:06:58,770 --> 00:06:59,770
things to discuss.
122
00:07:00,390 --> 00:07:01,390
Private things.
123
00:07:02,030 --> 00:07:05,190
Hold up, Trace. It might help to get the
opinion of an outsider.
124
00:07:06,590 --> 00:07:07,610
Even if she's a prat.
125
00:07:09,810 --> 00:07:11,490
This sounds juicy. What's going on?
126
00:07:12,850 --> 00:07:15,530
In that envelope are the names of our
real parents.
127
00:07:15,910 --> 00:07:19,250
I want to open it. And I don't. Because
you're saying that, it means we don't. I
128
00:07:19,250 --> 00:07:19,969
don't want to open it.
129
00:07:19,970 --> 00:07:22,390
I don't want to open it. Because you're
the oldest, you always have to open it.
130
00:07:23,020 --> 00:07:27,340
Torn apart by the path they cannot
escape. This could be wonderful material
131
00:07:27,340 --> 00:07:28,239
my next novel.
132
00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:29,240
Why?
133
00:07:32,380 --> 00:07:33,440
What do you think, Dor?
134
00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:35,020
Open it. Go on.
135
00:07:35,300 --> 00:07:38,900
I feel disloyal. Oh, that soon wears
off, trust me.
136
00:07:42,020 --> 00:07:43,020
Oh, Christ.
137
00:07:43,940 --> 00:07:47,260
Mum and Dad wouldn't mind us finding out
who our real parents are after they're
138
00:07:47,260 --> 00:07:48,260
dead, would they?
139
00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:52,260
Strange as it seems, I think I
actually... actually know what she's
140
00:07:52,260 --> 00:07:53,680
about. See?
141
00:07:54,700 --> 00:07:56,080
Come on, Trace, please.
142
00:07:58,520 --> 00:07:59,520
All right.
143
00:07:59,860 --> 00:08:01,040
I can't wait.
144
00:08:01,320 --> 00:08:03,560
You won't have to. You ain't invited.
145
00:08:04,860 --> 00:08:06,060
Nothing personal.
146
00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:09,100
Shut the door, please, darling.
147
00:08:11,420 --> 00:08:13,380
And make sure you're on the other side
of it.
148
00:08:20,330 --> 00:08:21,330
Here we go.
149
00:08:27,870 --> 00:08:28,870
I'm in faith.
150
00:08:29,390 --> 00:08:30,830
It's our real birth certificates.
151
00:08:35,289 --> 00:08:37,169
Do you want the good news or the bad
news?
152
00:08:38,470 --> 00:08:39,490
The good news.
153
00:08:40,390 --> 00:08:44,090
The good news is our mum's name is Mavis
Bullock.
154
00:08:46,870 --> 00:08:48,450
And she comes from Chiswick.
155
00:08:49,550 --> 00:08:50,590
What's the bad news?
156
00:08:51,910 --> 00:08:53,650
The bad news is she's dead, Trace.
157
00:08:54,710 --> 00:08:55,790
Over ten years ago.
158
00:08:56,690 --> 00:08:58,530
Here's an obituary cutting from the
local paper.
159
00:09:00,510 --> 00:09:01,510
What about our dad?
160
00:09:04,310 --> 00:09:05,730
Oh, my goodness.
161
00:09:08,330 --> 00:09:09,330
What is it?
162
00:09:10,450 --> 00:09:13,010
Mum and Dad weren't married, Trace. Oh,
lovely.
163
00:09:13,470 --> 00:09:15,910
First were a pair of bullocks, now a
couple of...
164
00:09:25,040 --> 00:09:26,720
You're never going to believe who our
old man is.
165
00:09:27,580 --> 00:09:28,580
Who?
166
00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:34,040
It's... It's... Yeah?
167
00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:36,760
George Hamilton.
168
00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:40,780
Who?
169
00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:43,820
You know, the actor.
170
00:09:44,980 --> 00:09:47,440
The one with the sun tannels in a law
magazine.
171
00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:50,840
Yes, I know who the George Hamilton is,
Sharon.
172
00:09:54,280 --> 00:09:55,280
stupid is American.
173
00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:57,020
So what?
174
00:09:57,800 --> 00:09:59,740
Americans can have babies, Trey.
175
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:02,280
Think yourself.
176
00:10:05,380 --> 00:10:07,120
Father's name, George Hamilton.
177
00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:08,900
Yeah, on both of them.
178
00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:11,800
Look what it's got down for his
occupation.
179
00:10:13,580 --> 00:10:14,580
Actor.
180
00:10:16,060 --> 00:10:19,520
I always knew there was something
different about us.
181
00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:21,060
Something special.
182
00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:23,340
Get a grip, Sharon.
183
00:10:24,620 --> 00:10:26,220
It's a common name, isn't it?
184
00:10:26,500 --> 00:10:29,500
No. It all fits into place.
185
00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:33,060
George flitting round London doing a
spot of acting.
186
00:10:33,340 --> 00:10:35,440
Yeah. He must have had a thing going
with her mum.
187
00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:41,620
Sharon, the chances of the George
Hamilton being our father have got to be
188
00:10:41,620 --> 00:10:42,620
in a million.
189
00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:43,760
Maybe so.
190
00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:47,240
But it's worth doing a spot of detective
work to find out, isn't it?
191
00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:51,160
Yes, Mrs Hamilton.
192
00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:55,020
I know your husband's dead, but did he
ever know a Magus Bullock?
193
00:10:55,460 --> 00:10:56,460
Hello?
194
00:10:56,720 --> 00:10:57,720
Hello?
195
00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:00,900
And another one bites the dust.
196
00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:02,440
Literally, in this case.
197
00:11:03,100 --> 00:11:04,760
God bless Fat Stan, eh?
198
00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:09,080
His son done us a right good turn
hacking into the electoral registers for
199
00:11:23,110 --> 00:11:24,110
Yeah, thanks.
200
00:11:27,550 --> 00:11:28,570
Yeah, three of them.
201
00:11:29,250 --> 00:11:30,410
Yeah, I owe you one, mate.
202
00:11:31,550 --> 00:11:33,090
No, not one of them, you dirty lech.
203
00:11:42,170 --> 00:11:43,170
Morning, Vicar!
204
00:11:44,630 --> 00:11:45,630
What's happened?
205
00:11:45,790 --> 00:11:46,910
Trace, I've got brilliant news.
206
00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:50,040
That Stan's had all his tickets out,
mates, checking out all the George
207
00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:52,420
Ambersons that weren't in the phone
book. The ones we couldn't get hold of.
208
00:11:52,660 --> 00:11:58,580
And? And the final results are...
Fourteen have kicked the bucket.
209
00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:01,020
Twelve are waiting for their voices to
break.
210
00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:03,160
Ten have never heard of Mavis Bullock.
211
00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:04,740
Six have never heard of Chiswick.
212
00:12:05,500 --> 00:12:07,100
Three are impotent. Two are black.
213
00:12:07,540 --> 00:12:10,740
And one's living in Northampton with a
choreographer named Gordon.
214
00:12:14,060 --> 00:12:15,580
Well, you see what this means, don't
you?
215
00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:16,779
That's it.
216
00:12:16,780 --> 00:12:18,000
We've eliminated them all.
217
00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:19,620
We can't have.
218
00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:21,640
We have. Here's the proof.
219
00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:23,540
George is our dad.
220
00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:26,500
Sharon, any one of them could have been
lying.
221
00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:31,040
Skeletons in the closet and all that. It
don't disprove he's our dad, does it?
222
00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:34,500
No. Right, now, what we've got to do is
confront him with the facts.
223
00:12:34,780 --> 00:12:35,599
Hang about.
224
00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:36,600
I'll just put my coat on.
225
00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:40,180
There's got to be some way of getting in
touch with a bloke. How?
226
00:12:40,580 --> 00:12:41,580
He lives in America.
227
00:12:43,020 --> 00:12:44,940
Shame them Uber tickets never turned up.
228
00:12:48,310 --> 00:12:50,430
My God, look at the state of you both.
229
00:12:50,690 --> 00:12:53,230
You look like you should be sitting in a
doorway selling copies of The Big
230
00:12:53,230 --> 00:12:54,230
Issue.
231
00:12:54,610 --> 00:12:57,170
Oh, for your information... Excuse me,
I'm wanted on the mobile.
232
00:12:58,770 --> 00:13:01,030
Hello? Oh, Monsieur Raymond.
233
00:13:02,090 --> 00:13:05,370
It's Monsieur Raymond, ethics foremost
function coordinator.
234
00:13:06,690 --> 00:13:08,350
That's concise for caterer.
235
00:13:09,650 --> 00:13:10,790
You got my message.
236
00:13:11,530 --> 00:13:14,050
Kill the cock -o -bam. We'll have salmon
on crout instead.
237
00:13:18,190 --> 00:13:19,190
The caviar?
238
00:13:19,810 --> 00:13:21,770
Oh, well, we'll have it too.
239
00:13:22,090 --> 00:13:24,130
Loads of the stuff. Spread it on with
the trowel, Raymond.
240
00:13:25,670 --> 00:13:26,670
The cost?
241
00:13:27,230 --> 00:13:29,970
How much can little fish eggs cost these
days?
242
00:13:32,070 --> 00:13:33,070
How much?
243
00:13:35,070 --> 00:13:37,550
Yes, I'll get back to you, Raymond.
244
00:13:38,050 --> 00:13:39,050
Ciao.
245
00:13:40,330 --> 00:13:41,970
Damn, damn, damn.
246
00:13:42,450 --> 00:13:44,230
Why can't a woman be more like a man?
247
00:13:46,030 --> 00:13:50,090
Do I take it that keeping up with the
fishmans isn't going as swimmingly as
248
00:13:50,090 --> 00:13:51,090
at home?
249
00:13:51,250 --> 00:13:56,110
I order no -air chandon. Melanie orders
krug. I order canapes. She orders
250
00:13:56,110 --> 00:13:59,970
truffles. That woman is definitely
starting to rain on my parade.
251
00:14:00,350 --> 00:14:02,510
Sounds to me like she's peeing on it
from a break.
252
00:14:04,570 --> 00:14:06,490
She's even got celebrity guests.
253
00:14:07,390 --> 00:14:11,310
Lionel Blair and half the Arsenal team
have promised to attend. Do you have
254
00:14:11,310 --> 00:14:14,550
any... the idea of the sort of money it
takes to book a star of the calibre of
255
00:14:14,550 --> 00:14:15,249
Lionel Blair?
256
00:14:15,250 --> 00:14:16,390
No. Give us a clue.
257
00:14:21,150 --> 00:14:23,630
Serves you right for not inviting us to
your party.
258
00:14:23,910 --> 00:14:26,930
Yeah. And us having a famous bed and
all.
259
00:14:29,070 --> 00:14:30,070
What?
260
00:14:31,290 --> 00:14:32,290
You heard?
261
00:14:32,870 --> 00:14:35,050
Me and Tracy are celebrity children.
262
00:14:36,510 --> 00:14:37,510
Really?
263
00:14:37,730 --> 00:14:40,110
I didn't know King Kong had been allowed
to meet.
264
00:14:46,730 --> 00:14:49,730
You'll be laughing the other side of
your mush when you find out who it is.
265
00:14:52,570 --> 00:14:53,570
Are you serious?
266
00:14:54,130 --> 00:14:55,130
Who?
267
00:14:56,330 --> 00:14:57,810
Should we tell her, Trace?
268
00:14:58,350 --> 00:14:59,350
Nah.
269
00:14:59,950 --> 00:15:01,210
You can come to my party.
270
00:15:03,110 --> 00:15:05,770
We'll think about it. Good. Now spill
the beans. Who is it?
271
00:15:08,050 --> 00:15:09,390
George Hamilton.
272
00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:14,840
Sorry.
273
00:15:16,620 --> 00:15:18,260
George Hamilton.
274
00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:28,800
What's so funny?
275
00:15:29,860 --> 00:15:31,840
George Hamilton is your father.
276
00:15:33,620 --> 00:15:37,480
Slim, suntan, gorgeous George Hamilton.
277
00:15:38,360 --> 00:15:39,460
Yeah, that's right.
278
00:15:39,980 --> 00:15:42,580
Oh, my God, they'll have to rewrite the
laws of genetics.
279
00:15:59,530 --> 00:16:03,650
There must have been 147 of them,
actually. And we've checked every one of
280
00:16:03,650 --> 00:16:04,650
out.
281
00:16:06,250 --> 00:16:07,670
But it's not possible.
282
00:16:08,930 --> 00:16:12,910
George Hamilton has been out with some
of the world's most beautiful women.
283
00:16:13,990 --> 00:16:14,990
Joan Collins.
284
00:16:15,610 --> 00:16:16,610
Elizabeth Taylor.
285
00:16:17,350 --> 00:16:18,350
Mavis Bullock.
286
00:16:20,910 --> 00:16:22,310
I don't believe it.
287
00:16:23,390 --> 00:16:28,050
I have adored him ever since I was a
teenager. The man is a bona fide sex
288
00:16:28,350 --> 00:16:29,350
Are you?
289
00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:30,920
Don't talk dirty about our date.
290
00:16:33,220 --> 00:16:34,980
It isn't possible.
291
00:16:35,900 --> 00:16:36,920
It is.
292
00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:38,460
And there's the proof.
293
00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:40,760
Look, Cheryl, we don't know for sure.
294
00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:45,700
No. But you must find out, because if
this is true, it could change your life.
295
00:16:46,140 --> 00:16:47,920
Our lives don't want changing.
296
00:16:48,300 --> 00:16:49,300
Speak for yourself.
297
00:16:50,180 --> 00:16:51,660
You have to get in touch.
298
00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:55,540
Now, George always spends the summer in
Bel -Air. That's Hollywood.
299
00:16:57,170 --> 00:16:59,490
Hollywood? We can't afford the fare to
Cricklewood.
300
00:17:01,130 --> 00:17:02,570
I might be able to help.
301
00:17:03,170 --> 00:17:06,970
I have been secretly hoarding Marcus's
air miles from his business trips.
302
00:17:07,510 --> 00:17:08,609
They're Marcus's.
303
00:17:08,810 --> 00:17:09,810
Only legally.
304
00:17:10,069 --> 00:17:13,010
I might have enough stashed away to get
you to the States.
305
00:17:14,609 --> 00:17:17,490
Are you saying that you'd pay for us to
go to America?
306
00:17:17,890 --> 00:17:18,890
Of course.
307
00:17:19,750 --> 00:17:22,170
Think of it as a token of friendship.
308
00:17:22,970 --> 00:17:25,030
No, better still, look on it as charity.
309
00:17:27,190 --> 00:17:28,190
What's the catch?
310
00:17:28,870 --> 00:17:29,870
There isn't one.
311
00:17:30,710 --> 00:17:32,310
No, I could do with a break myself.
312
00:17:34,110 --> 00:17:35,110
There's the catch.
313
00:17:35,950 --> 00:17:38,390
Well, that's settled then.
314
00:17:39,650 --> 00:17:40,650
Hollywood?
315
00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:01,240
that need was so ugly.
316
00:18:26,220 --> 00:18:27,380
Doreen, you didn't.
317
00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:34,000
Virgin of all airlines.
318
00:18:34,420 --> 00:18:35,420
I know, it's ironic.
319
00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:38,380
Most people get their nuts in little
packets.
320
00:18:38,680 --> 00:18:39,680
Not her, though.
321
00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:41,640
I've always wanted to join the Mile High
Club.
322
00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:44,900
Hopefully that should earn me honorary
life membership.
323
00:18:45,660 --> 00:18:47,400
I dare it, you daft tart.
324
00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:49,760
We ain't taken off yet.
325
00:18:50,020 --> 00:18:51,460
We're still on the flipping runway.
326
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:55,500
There we are.
327
00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:57,540
Anyway, see you both later.
328
00:18:57,960 --> 00:18:58,960
Where are you going now?
329
00:18:59,960 --> 00:19:01,820
Well, I'm off to the upper class
section.
330
00:19:02,650 --> 00:19:07,310
You really didn't expect me to stay here
amidst social groups D .E. and Florida
331
00:19:07,310 --> 00:19:08,310
Riot.
332
00:19:08,630 --> 00:19:11,010
I'm off to find a nice wealthy tycoon.
333
00:19:11,930 --> 00:19:12,930
Ciao.
334
00:19:13,230 --> 00:19:14,290
Have a good time.
335
00:19:37,610 --> 00:19:38,950
to make your acquaintance.
336
00:19:41,870 --> 00:19:42,870
I'm Dorian.
337
00:19:43,390 --> 00:19:44,390
Dorian Green.
338
00:19:44,750 --> 00:19:47,050
And you are? My name's Richard.
339
00:19:48,230 --> 00:19:51,170
Mind if I call you Dick?
340
00:19:53,270 --> 00:19:57,990
Now, have you flown before, Dick?
341
00:19:58,490 --> 00:20:00,750
I do it all the time.
342
00:20:01,510 --> 00:20:02,770
They're flying, that is.
343
00:20:26,860 --> 00:20:29,240
America. I can't believe we're here.
344
00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:30,760
So big.
345
00:20:30,820 --> 00:20:32,060
So much to see.
346
00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:01,300
to the Hotel California.
347
00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:05,240
Oh, well.
348
00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:06,600
Cheap and cheerful.
349
00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:08,900
Come on, Zorba, get moving.
350
00:21:09,180 --> 00:21:11,260
Me? No, this is your accommodation.
351
00:21:11,700 --> 00:21:13,000
I'm staying at the Mondrian.
352
00:21:13,560 --> 00:21:15,460
The top people's hotel.
353
00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:23,080
You... We'll rendezvous in the bar at
nine o 'clock. And Sharon,
354
00:21:23,220 --> 00:21:25,780
try to dress a little more cosmopolitan.
355
00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:30,040
Dry...
356
00:21:32,270 --> 00:21:36,630
Now, I've been working on a plan to get
to George. And I picked up this from the
357
00:21:36,630 --> 00:21:37,630
hotel lobby.
358
00:21:38,250 --> 00:21:40,990
Guided tours of Hollywood? I don't think
so, Tracy.
359
00:21:41,350 --> 00:21:42,410
Why? What's wrong with them?
360
00:21:43,030 --> 00:21:44,550
Tours are for tourists.
361
00:21:45,430 --> 00:21:49,150
Tourists come from Basildon, wear cheap
knitwear and watch GMTV.
362
00:21:49,490 --> 00:21:53,490
So I am more of a global citizen. I
blend easily into foreign cultures.
363
00:21:53,970 --> 00:21:55,750
You are a foreign culture.
364
00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:59,200
The tour includes the homes at the
start.
365
00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:04,440
South, I said. Donna, Barbara Streisand,
George Hampton.
366
00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:07,340
Trace, you're a genius.
367
00:22:07,780 --> 00:22:08,780
We'll get tickets.
368
00:22:09,860 --> 00:22:11,540
Tomorrow, one o 'clock.
369
00:22:14,620 --> 00:22:18,720
Your left is the luxurious home of Bruce
Willis and his lovely wife, Demi Moore.
370
00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:22,340
No prizes for guessing which one chose
that ghastly colour.
371
00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:25,260
Look at that, Trace.
372
00:22:25,900 --> 00:22:27,840
Makes your gas look like a flea bit.
373
00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:30,220
Not very much.
374
00:22:32,520 --> 00:22:35,260
Belt up, you little germinal. Sew your
lips together.
375
00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:41,880
Next up is the lavishly decorated
mansion house of Hollywood's most famous
376
00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:47,560
suntan, movie star and playboy, Mr.
George Hamilton.
377
00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:49,780
Right, let's say stop.
378
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:51,480
Time for plane B into action.
379
00:22:56,590 --> 00:22:57,589
What is happening here?
380
00:22:57,590 --> 00:23:00,470
It's my sister. She's having a turn.
You're going to have to let us off.
381
00:23:01,210 --> 00:23:03,770
No one leaves this bus, ma 'am. Company
policy.
382
00:23:04,210 --> 00:23:05,210
But you don't understand.
383
00:23:05,510 --> 00:23:06,570
She could get violent.
384
00:23:06,810 --> 00:23:08,750
I can't be responsible for her behavior.
385
00:23:09,190 --> 00:23:11,010
What exactly is the matter with her?
386
00:23:11,690 --> 00:23:12,690
What's the matter with her?
387
00:23:14,090 --> 00:23:14,969
It's rare.
388
00:23:14,970 --> 00:23:15,970
It's very rare.
389
00:23:16,170 --> 00:23:17,890
Yes. And tragic.
390
00:23:18,570 --> 00:23:20,330
It happened when she was a child.
391
00:23:20,770 --> 00:23:22,190
What did? The incident.
392
00:23:23,230 --> 00:23:24,230
She was bitten.
393
00:23:24,710 --> 00:23:25,710
By a dingo.
394
00:23:27,330 --> 00:23:29,350
Was it wild?
395
00:23:29,770 --> 00:23:30,810
Absolutely furious.
396
00:23:33,710 --> 00:23:35,910
Well, perhaps in this case I can make an
exception.
397
00:23:38,830 --> 00:23:39,390
A
398
00:23:39,390 --> 00:23:46,190
bitten
399
00:23:46,190 --> 00:23:47,190
by a dingo.
400
00:23:47,470 --> 00:23:50,030
In Elfield. I was improvising.
401
00:23:50,450 --> 00:23:51,650
You were bullshitting.
402
00:23:53,290 --> 00:23:54,290
the size of those gates.
403
00:23:54,770 --> 00:23:55,770
How are we going to get in?
404
00:24:26,120 --> 00:24:27,440
Tracy, do you have a crowbar?
405
00:24:27,820 --> 00:24:29,480
What? They're breaking in.
406
00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:31,900
No, but I'll never get those cranks off
without one.
407
00:24:36,760 --> 00:24:37,760
Sandy!
408
00:24:42,720 --> 00:24:44,780
Come on, we're getting over here.
409
00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:48,200
All right, you go first, all right? It's
before beauty.
410
00:24:48,860 --> 00:24:50,020
Lucy, I need a fun cup.
411
00:25:19,150 --> 00:25:20,890
crazy women living at the bottom of your
garden?
412
00:25:22,530 --> 00:25:25,090
I didn't think so. We better get some
security up here quickly.
413
00:25:27,690 --> 00:25:29,330
I'll stay here and guard the valuables.
414
00:25:32,010 --> 00:25:38,690
Thank you, you little ones.
415
00:25:39,510 --> 00:25:40,570
Your leader has returned.
416
00:26:07,690 --> 00:26:08,870
designer shorts ruined.
417
00:26:10,070 --> 00:26:13,130
Do you have any idea how many strange
men must have seen my bottom?
418
00:26:15,430 --> 00:26:17,490
I don't know. What year are we going
from?
419
00:26:19,950 --> 00:26:22,530
This is an omen. We shouldn't be doing
this.
420
00:26:22,870 --> 00:26:24,270
Shut up, you wimp.
421
00:26:25,090 --> 00:26:26,750
We're not going back to that house
again.
422
00:26:26,950 --> 00:26:29,270
They could shoot us next time. Oh, don't
worry.
423
00:26:29,470 --> 00:26:31,330
We could always take cover behind
Sharon.
424
00:26:34,030 --> 00:26:36,790
Some it'll turn up, Trace. We'll get in
touch with him somehow.
425
00:26:37,230 --> 00:26:38,230
A fair chance.
426
00:26:38,370 --> 00:26:39,610
We'll need a flipping miracle.
427
00:26:42,010 --> 00:26:46,210
Attention all you ladies. Tomorrow,
Universal Studios Hollywood's very own
428
00:26:46,210 --> 00:26:50,130
George Hamilton will begin work on a new
multi -million dollar TV miniseries.
429
00:26:55,190 --> 00:26:56,190
Oh,
430
00:27:01,010 --> 00:27:02,010
that's it.
431
00:27:02,050 --> 00:27:03,050
That's it.
432
00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:05,280
I've died and gone to heaven.
433
00:27:06,500 --> 00:27:08,900
Well, you haven't. I've got bigger boobs
than you.
434
00:27:09,980 --> 00:27:10,980
I don't.
435
00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:16,300
You've got these massive feet. Where
have all the muscles gone?
436
00:27:17,420 --> 00:27:18,700
You've got a bit of safety.
437
00:27:19,340 --> 00:27:21,780
These muscles are as human as a shell.
438
00:27:23,380 --> 00:27:24,800
I can't eat them, can I?
439
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:26,160
No, but I could.
440
00:27:27,300 --> 00:27:29,600
Oh, just look at those bodies.
441
00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:33,190
Boy! We're supposed to be working our
asses into the studios.
442
00:27:33,510 --> 00:27:34,750
It's not a line up of talent.
443
00:28:06,120 --> 00:28:07,960
Sidney, your receptionist. How may I
help you?
444
00:28:08,460 --> 00:28:13,400
Hi. I'm Tracy Beckham -Stubbs. We're
here to interview George Hamilton for
445
00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:14,400
Hello! magazine.
446
00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:15,520
Hello!
447
00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:17,740
Oh, Lucy, what are you?
448
00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:21,320
Dorianne Green, stylist to the stars.
449
00:28:22,140 --> 00:28:23,940
Sharon Theodopolopoulos.
450
00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:27,480
They call me the snapper.
451
00:28:28,520 --> 00:28:32,200
Well, I'm afraid I have no record of any
interviews scheduled.
452
00:28:32,500 --> 00:28:34,820
Well, there must be some mistake. I
jetted in from Paris especially.
453
00:28:35,740 --> 00:28:37,560
Didn't even have time to kiss David and
Iman goodbye.
454
00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:40,240
If you'd like to take a seat, I can
phone her and check.
455
00:28:40,500 --> 00:28:44,000
Oh, that won't be necessary. We'll just
pop over there ourselves. That won't be
456
00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:45,220
possible. They're in rehearsal.
457
00:28:48,120 --> 00:28:51,120
Hi. Stage 14. This is Sydney on
reception.
458
00:28:51,600 --> 00:28:54,120
Do you know anything about an interview
with George Hamilton?
459
00:28:54,320 --> 00:28:55,320
Excuse me, Sid.
460
00:28:55,700 --> 00:28:57,560
Could you tell me where the car is,
please?
461
00:28:58,680 --> 00:28:59,680
The toilet.
462
00:28:59,700 --> 00:29:01,160
The bathroom's over there.
463
00:29:01,940 --> 00:29:03,360
I want a slash, not a shower.
464
00:29:13,740 --> 00:29:14,739
Attention, attention.
465
00:29:14,740 --> 00:29:16,620
We have three intruders on the compound.
466
00:29:16,880 --> 00:29:20,340
Female, Caucasian, heading for stage 14.
467
00:29:58,760 --> 00:29:59,760
And it was... Ruth!
468
00:30:03,320 --> 00:30:04,700
You sure you know how to drive this
thing?
469
00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:04,840
Blimey, what's all this?
470
00:32:05,060 --> 00:32:06,060
I thought them were maces.
471
00:32:06,320 --> 00:32:07,320
All right, Daryl.
472
00:32:07,380 --> 00:32:09,840
Fancy a lardy? Yeah, I might as well do.
473
00:32:10,840 --> 00:32:15,080
Where'd all this lot come from, then?
Well, let's just say I've got friends.
474
00:32:15,460 --> 00:32:16,460
Good friends.
475
00:32:17,420 --> 00:32:20,180
Oh, smoked salmon or durbaris?
476
00:32:21,620 --> 00:32:22,620
Look,
477
00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:26,100
Chris, the only bloke who can get hold
of this stuff in here is Elfie Conroy.
478
00:32:26,400 --> 00:32:28,800
And he ain't the sort of bloke you want
to go get him mixed up with.
479
00:32:29,580 --> 00:32:30,600
He's a diamond, is he?
480
00:32:31,220 --> 00:32:32,220
Sweeter than that. Yeah?
481
00:32:32,840 --> 00:32:35,360
That's what his mum used to say just
before he dropped the heater in her
482
00:32:35,360 --> 00:32:36,360
bathtub.
483
00:32:38,860 --> 00:32:40,840
How must this lot set you back? Well, I
don't know.
484
00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:42,040
Got it all on tick.
485
00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:43,760
Oh, dear.
486
00:32:44,140 --> 00:32:46,020
You really are as stupid as you look,
aren't you?
487
00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:47,960
In fact, you look to do you a
disservice.
488
00:32:48,160 --> 00:32:49,580
You're actually a complete moron.
489
00:32:50,620 --> 00:32:52,180
You're never going to be able to pay for
all this.
490
00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:53,640
Relax, devil!
491
00:32:54,240 --> 00:32:59,640
Look, let's just say I've got a bit of
business going down, right? And I stand
492
00:32:59,640 --> 00:33:02,360
to make myself a nice few quid. Oh,
yeah? What kind of business?
493
00:33:02,840 --> 00:33:03,980
Well, I can't say, sir.
494
00:33:04,460 --> 00:33:05,460
Confidential.
495
00:33:05,600 --> 00:33:08,780
Of course.
496
00:33:09,200 --> 00:33:12,540
I ain't got no secrets from you. Well,
hold on. Hang about.
497
00:33:19,120 --> 00:33:20,120
Here.
498
00:33:21,440 --> 00:33:23,000
I'm selling Sharon's story, ain't I?
499
00:33:23,960 --> 00:33:24,960
For the papers.
500
00:33:25,560 --> 00:33:27,520
I was a superstar's love child.
501
00:33:28,640 --> 00:33:31,140
Well, they paid big bucks for that kind
of thing.
502
00:33:31,500 --> 00:33:32,500
Smart move, eh?
503
00:33:32,830 --> 00:33:35,410
Yes. Slimy, rotten lowlife.
504
00:33:36,330 --> 00:33:39,890
Stitching up your own wife for a couple
of quid? Not to mention my Tracy.
505
00:33:40,330 --> 00:33:41,330
Calm down, devil.
506
00:33:42,030 --> 00:33:43,550
I won't mention nothing about Tracy.
507
00:33:44,010 --> 00:33:45,990
Honest. Look, have another cigar.
508
00:33:46,290 --> 00:33:48,090
Chocolate? Take the lot.
509
00:33:53,750 --> 00:33:59,370
Who was that?
510
00:34:00,130 --> 00:34:01,170
Roger the barman.
511
00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:03,840
So was it not what you've been doing?
512
00:34:07,720 --> 00:34:12,159
For your information, I have been out
with Roger for your sake.
513
00:34:12,580 --> 00:34:17,100
I'll tell very much. I really appreciate
it. Roger tends bar at lots of
514
00:34:17,100 --> 00:34:21,719
celebrity functions. Now, tomorrow
night, he will be working at an
515
00:34:21,719 --> 00:34:25,639
company bash at the Beau Rivage, L .A.'s
chicest restaurant.
516
00:34:26,340 --> 00:34:30,380
Tune in same time tomorrow for another
thrilling edition of...
517
00:34:30,710 --> 00:34:32,030
Life with Roger.
518
00:34:33,650 --> 00:34:36,270
George Hamilton is going to be there.
519
00:34:37,250 --> 00:34:38,250
What? Yes.
520
00:34:38,730 --> 00:34:39,929
And so are we.
521
00:34:40,469 --> 00:34:43,050
Roger has promised to arrange it as a
special favour.
522
00:34:43,370 --> 00:34:46,889
And what does Roger the Dodger expect in
return for this special favour?
523
00:34:47,389 --> 00:34:49,090
Don't worry, he's been paid in advance.
524
00:34:50,449 --> 00:34:52,730
The things I do for you girls.
525
00:34:54,250 --> 00:34:55,530
Exclusive bash, eh?
526
00:34:56,230 --> 00:34:59,770
I'll have to give the velour tracksuit
of going over with the old right girl.
527
00:35:01,840 --> 00:35:05,940
I don't think so, Sharon. We will be
mixing with the creme de la creme of
528
00:35:05,940 --> 00:35:06,940
Hollywood society.
529
00:35:07,280 --> 00:35:08,780
Right, but I think dressy women.
530
00:35:09,140 --> 00:35:13,440
Right, then we will dedicate tomorrow to
my second favourite activity in the
531
00:35:13,440 --> 00:35:14,440
entire world.
532
00:35:14,680 --> 00:35:18,460
Girls, we are going to shop till we
drop.
533
00:35:40,430 --> 00:35:41,890
Welcome to Giorgio Armani.
534
00:35:42,210 --> 00:35:43,210
Have a look around.
535
00:35:45,730 --> 00:35:47,230
Oh, hi, sir.
536
00:35:47,650 --> 00:35:49,250
Someone's left their phone number on
this one.
537
00:36:00,530 --> 00:36:01,530
Lovely phone.
538
00:36:03,270 --> 00:36:04,470
This is quite beautiful.
539
00:36:07,500 --> 00:36:09,220
I think this is a bit young for you.
540
00:37:03,400 --> 00:37:04,940
Something like arriving in Star, was
there?
541
00:37:09,880 --> 00:37:12,560
Oh, if only Melanie Fishman could see me
now.
542
00:37:13,020 --> 00:37:15,200
Look, even that Sharon Stone over there.
543
00:37:28,220 --> 00:37:29,220
Hi.
544
00:37:30,120 --> 00:37:31,300
Well, can I get you ladies anything?
545
00:37:32,370 --> 00:37:33,430
Aroused would be nice.
546
00:37:33,930 --> 00:37:34,930
I'll tell you a story.
547
00:37:35,330 --> 00:37:36,910
You can be Roger the Rabbit, like.
548
00:37:37,170 --> 00:37:38,910
The main man of Cure Royale, darling.
549
00:37:39,130 --> 00:37:40,130
I'll have a bottle of lemonade.
550
00:37:40,450 --> 00:37:41,990
A pint of Heineken for me, please.
551
00:38:01,290 --> 00:38:02,290
I'm going out.
552
00:38:03,210 --> 00:38:04,210
You're not.
553
00:38:04,490 --> 00:38:06,190
Look at that pain.
554
00:38:07,350 --> 00:38:10,230
He must come to sleep for some bit
strapped to his gut.
555
00:38:10,990 --> 00:38:15,050
I think it is time to introduce you to
your father.
556
00:38:18,190 --> 00:38:20,050
May I help you?
557
00:38:20,950 --> 00:38:24,690
No, thanks. We're just leaving. We'd
like a table, please. You are aware that
558
00:38:24,690 --> 00:38:26,970
our dining area is reserved for a VIP
list?
559
00:38:27,310 --> 00:38:28,310
Of course.
560
00:38:28,810 --> 00:38:30,110
I am a VIP.
561
00:38:31,200 --> 00:38:33,300
Yeah, very impulsive pervert.
562
00:38:34,620 --> 00:38:35,620
Your name is?
563
00:38:36,800 --> 00:38:37,800
My name.
564
00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:39,200
Yes, madam.
565
00:38:39,380 --> 00:38:42,600
They're very fashionable here in L .A.
Simply everybody has one.
566
00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:45,140
Who are you? This is Jack and Lauren.
567
00:38:58,890 --> 00:39:01,510
Roger never mentioned there was a VIP
enclosure.
568
00:39:02,930 --> 00:39:04,070
Who does that mean?
569
00:39:04,450 --> 00:39:05,450
Roger and Art.
570
00:39:05,830 --> 00:39:07,070
I can't believe it.
571
00:39:07,390 --> 00:39:10,110
I was that close to him, I could have
spat on him.
572
00:39:10,950 --> 00:39:14,510
I hardly think gobbing's an appropriate
form of greeting, darling Sharon.
573
00:39:16,650 --> 00:39:19,370
We're not going to get nowhere near the
bloke, let alone speak to him.
574
00:39:19,650 --> 00:39:22,630
She might as well go home. Tracy,
remember what they say in the movies.
575
00:39:22,970 --> 00:39:25,670
The show ain't over till the fat lady
sings.
576
00:39:37,759 --> 00:39:40,500
Exactly, how did you get that nasty
little head?
577
00:39:42,640 --> 00:39:43,640
Nothing.
578
00:39:44,060 --> 00:39:45,060
Really?
579
00:39:47,260 --> 00:39:48,260
Not what I heard.
580
00:39:49,200 --> 00:39:53,360
Look, 80 % of all accidents occur in the
barber shop. That makes me just a
581
00:39:53,360 --> 00:39:54,360
meaningless statistic.
582
00:39:56,100 --> 00:39:57,100
If you say so.
583
00:40:00,340 --> 00:40:01,900
Only I heard it, though.
584
00:40:02,629 --> 00:40:05,050
Came from a little run -in with some
female admirers.
585
00:40:05,770 --> 00:40:09,410
George, I have no female admirers, and
that includes my immediate family.
586
00:40:16,210 --> 00:40:16,570
I
587
00:40:16,570 --> 00:40:23,450
was just
588
00:40:23,450 --> 00:40:24,990
parking, so I thought I'd drop in.
589
00:40:25,310 --> 00:40:26,830
Excuse me, I'm with these people.
590
00:40:27,290 --> 00:40:29,170
Stop, don't talk to me, you stupid, fat
American.
591
00:40:30,050 --> 00:40:30,828
Call me.
592
00:40:30,830 --> 00:40:31,830
We'll do lunch.
593
00:40:35,730 --> 00:40:36,950
Is that John Connors?
594
00:40:43,370 --> 00:40:44,470
Thank God you got here.
595
00:40:45,030 --> 00:40:46,410
Get me out of this hellhole.
596
00:40:46,910 --> 00:40:49,870
I can't. I couldn't raise the $10 ,000
bail.
597
00:40:50,810 --> 00:40:51,810
How much have you got?
598
00:40:53,870 --> 00:40:54,870
Nothing.
599
00:41:03,720 --> 00:41:04,720
Cracking. Whatever.
600
00:41:06,120 --> 00:41:07,420
We could always ring Marcus.
601
00:41:07,860 --> 00:41:08,900
Ask him for the dosh.
602
00:41:09,740 --> 00:41:12,940
I told her we shouldn't have come. I
knew it'd end in tears. I've said it all
603
00:41:12,940 --> 00:41:15,380
along. Oh, whine, whine, whine. It's all
you've done since we left London.
604
00:41:16,420 --> 00:41:18,060
Don't ever go at her. She's upset.
605
00:41:18,880 --> 00:41:20,580
Well, what's she got to be upset about?
606
00:41:21,560 --> 00:41:22,600
I'm the one in prison.
607
00:41:23,500 --> 00:41:25,760
I'm the one that's gone over the limit
on Marcus's credit card.
608
00:41:26,580 --> 00:41:30,060
And I'm the one that hasn't got a
special celebrity guest at my very own
609
00:41:30,060 --> 00:41:31,060
anniversary party.
610
00:41:35,660 --> 00:41:40,860
Gorgeous George by my side. I would have
wiped the floor with Melanie Fishman's
611
00:41:40,860 --> 00:41:42,460
pathetic little birthday bash.
612
00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:45,980
He'd have escorted me onto the floor.
613
00:41:46,420 --> 00:41:49,200
As he's done with all the other great
beauties of our time.
614
00:41:50,120 --> 00:41:51,120
Joan Collins.
615
00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:52,800
Elizabeth Taylor.
616
00:41:53,860 --> 00:41:54,860
And me.
617
00:41:55,900 --> 00:41:56,960
Dorian Green.
618
00:41:58,240 --> 00:42:01,900
He would have knocked Lionel Blair's tap
dance into a cocked bloody hat.
619
00:42:03,800 --> 00:42:05,260
Are you saying...
620
00:42:05,550 --> 00:42:09,450
The only reason you helped us find our
dad was so that he'd go to your party.
621
00:42:10,450 --> 00:42:11,630
Well, don't look so hurt.
622
00:42:11,950 --> 00:42:13,810
The name's Dorian Green, not Cilla
Black.
623
00:42:15,250 --> 00:42:16,890
No. Go, go.
624
00:42:17,190 --> 00:42:18,670
You were always my main concern.
625
00:42:19,390 --> 00:42:20,390
About my bail.
626
00:42:20,750 --> 00:42:21,750
Stop it.
627
00:42:22,530 --> 00:42:23,530
Dorian Green?
628
00:42:24,370 --> 00:42:25,990
Yes. Yes, that's me.
629
00:42:26,210 --> 00:42:27,410
Sign here. You're free to go.
630
00:42:28,910 --> 00:42:32,430
Really? Yep. You're out of here. Well,
thank you. Thank you. Hey, don't thank
631
00:42:32,430 --> 00:42:33,710
me. Thank Mr. Wendell.
632
00:42:34,050 --> 00:42:34,919
Who's he?
633
00:42:34,920 --> 00:42:35,678
The commissioner?
634
00:42:35,680 --> 00:42:37,040
No, the guy you've been stalking.
635
00:42:38,020 --> 00:42:39,140
Me, a stalker?
636
00:42:39,820 --> 00:42:42,520
The town knows about you. Hey, you're
famous.
637
00:42:44,820 --> 00:42:46,280
This is libelous.
638
00:42:47,240 --> 00:42:48,240
I shall sue.
639
00:42:48,580 --> 00:42:50,940
I shall sue the entire book of second
country.
640
00:42:51,980 --> 00:42:53,680
She's a stalker. Then how come she let
me go?
641
00:42:54,080 --> 00:42:57,240
We had a call from Mr. Wendt's agent.
Now he is happy as a clam about the
642
00:42:57,240 --> 00:43:01,400
publicity. In this town, you are nobody
until you've had your own stalker.
643
00:43:05,610 --> 00:43:07,590
I bet Melanie Fisher has never thought
about that.
644
00:43:13,090 --> 00:43:13,610
Are
645
00:43:13,610 --> 00:43:22,730
you
646
00:43:22,730 --> 00:43:24,450
ready? Aggie is downstairs.
647
00:43:25,350 --> 00:43:26,350
Almost.
648
00:43:26,830 --> 00:43:27,830
Come in.
649
00:43:29,230 --> 00:43:30,230
Please.
650
00:43:37,420 --> 00:43:38,560
Look, I just want to say I'm sorry.
651
00:43:39,580 --> 00:43:40,580
Yeah, we know.
652
00:43:41,080 --> 00:43:43,700
Sorry that George Hamilton won't be
coming to your party.
653
00:43:43,980 --> 00:43:44,980
No.
654
00:43:45,980 --> 00:43:51,620
Sorry you didn't get the chance to find
out if he was your... And I'm sorry for
655
00:43:51,620 --> 00:43:52,620
everything I've done.
656
00:43:53,680 --> 00:43:55,240
I know I can be a selfish bitch.
657
00:43:58,260 --> 00:44:00,180
Come on. Give your hand to your luggage.
658
00:44:03,520 --> 00:44:05,240
Flipping egg door. What have you got in
here?
659
00:44:05,680 --> 00:44:07,080
Supposedly the south, not the bathtub.
660
00:44:08,540 --> 00:44:10,620
Only the poor travel light, Tracy.
661
00:44:11,220 --> 00:44:12,860
Oh, leave them for the bellboy.
662
00:44:52,820 --> 00:44:54,220
Thank you, Mr.
663
00:44:54,680 --> 00:44:56,600
Hamilton. Please call me George.
664
00:44:57,860 --> 00:44:58,860
Cheers, George.
665
00:45:02,640 --> 00:45:04,280
Is your friend okay?
666
00:45:06,120 --> 00:45:07,120
I think she's a bit overcome.
667
00:45:07,400 --> 00:45:10,200
She's been carrying a bit of a torch for
you ever since she was a young girl.
668
00:45:11,520 --> 00:45:13,140
Well, no wonder she's exhausted.
669
00:45:15,740 --> 00:45:17,900
So you really thought I was your father?
670
00:45:18,880 --> 00:45:19,880
Yeah.
671
00:45:20,340 --> 00:45:21,940
I suppose you think we're really stupid.
672
00:45:22,900 --> 00:45:25,820
Not at all. I'm very flattered. You have
been to London, have you?
673
00:45:26,900 --> 00:45:29,200
Sure, many times. It's a beautiful city.
674
00:45:29,640 --> 00:45:31,580
Someday I may go back and buy it.
675
00:45:35,920 --> 00:45:39,860
While you were there, you never, uh...
You know.
676
00:45:41,500 --> 00:45:42,620
Absolutely not.
677
00:45:44,120 --> 00:45:48,960
Well, not with anyone by the name of
Mavis Bullock, anyway.
678
00:45:52,360 --> 00:45:54,420
Well, thanks for listening to us,
George.
679
00:45:54,640 --> 00:45:57,080
We won't take up any more of your time.
No, not so fast, now.
680
00:45:58,540 --> 00:46:01,980
You come all the way from England to see
me, the least I can do for you is to
681
00:46:01,980 --> 00:46:04,240
invite you back to my mansion for a
little, uh...
682
00:46:04,830 --> 00:46:07,690
Champagne by the pool and some
sunbathing?
683
00:46:08,090 --> 00:46:09,350
Huh? What do you say?
684
00:46:09,610 --> 00:46:10,610
You're kidding.
685
00:46:11,050 --> 00:46:13,010
I never kid where sunbathing is
concerned.
686
00:46:14,970 --> 00:46:15,990
What are we waiting for?
687
00:46:19,730 --> 00:46:22,250
What about your friend?
688
00:46:22,530 --> 00:46:23,850
We can't just leave her here.
689
00:46:24,510 --> 00:46:25,510
Oh, are we?
690
00:46:25,530 --> 00:46:28,410
We'll tell the bellboy to leave her with
the rest of the old baggage till we get
691
00:46:28,410 --> 00:46:29,410
back.
692
00:46:33,110 --> 00:46:34,110
Thank you, Charles.
693
00:46:39,170 --> 00:46:42,290
Sharon. Yes, George. Make sure you get
right in those toes here.
694
00:46:43,810 --> 00:46:44,810
Good girl.
695
00:46:44,970 --> 00:46:46,450
And, uh, Tracy.
696
00:46:46,810 --> 00:46:47,769
Coming, George.
697
00:46:47,770 --> 00:46:48,770
You missed a spot.
698
00:46:49,090 --> 00:46:50,090
Up a bit.
699
00:46:50,210 --> 00:46:51,250
Higher. Right there.
700
00:46:51,790 --> 00:46:52,790
That's it.
701
00:46:55,430 --> 00:46:56,450
Isn't this fun?
702
00:46:59,690 --> 00:47:00,810
They got back safe then?
703
00:47:01,670 --> 00:47:02,670
Right.
704
00:47:03,270 --> 00:47:04,310
So did you meet him?
705
00:47:05,610 --> 00:47:06,610
Really?
706
00:47:07,050 --> 00:47:08,050
So is he a...
707
00:47:09,759 --> 00:47:10,759
Oh, how's not?
708
00:47:12,120 --> 00:47:13,120
Oh, I'm sorry, Trace.
709
00:47:14,360 --> 00:47:15,360
You all right?
710
00:47:16,080 --> 00:47:17,080
Oh, good.
711
00:47:17,520 --> 00:47:19,220
Yeah, I'm disappointed for you, love.
712
00:47:21,000 --> 00:47:22,000
Yeah?
713
00:47:23,120 --> 00:47:24,620
Oh, yeah, of course I'll tell Chris.
714
00:47:25,680 --> 00:47:27,660
Yeah, I'm sure he'll be disappointed as
well.
715
00:47:28,760 --> 00:47:30,700
In fact, I know I'll be very cut up.
716
00:47:37,140 --> 00:47:38,280
I'm sorry to bother you.
717
00:47:38,650 --> 00:47:41,870
I'm looking for number 58, the
fisherman's birthday party.
718
00:47:43,250 --> 00:47:44,370
Mr Blair.
719
00:47:44,710 --> 00:47:47,530
Yes. So glad you made it. Oh, yes, but
I... Come in.
720
00:47:51,290 --> 00:47:57,990
You know you may be, love you, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa. Darling, George
721
00:47:57,990 --> 00:48:00,810
Hamilton and I were like that.
722
00:48:01,070 --> 00:48:04,510
We were in his mansion, sipping the
finest champagne.
723
00:48:04,970 --> 00:48:07,530
The man was obviously besotted with me.
724
00:48:08,120 --> 00:48:09,680
Couldn't keep the chance off me, so
what's that then?
50625
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.