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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,420 --> 00:00:16,000 Grant, we pray you, that your servant may rest at peace in this grave until 2 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:21,800 day when you, the resurrection and the life, enrich her with life made new. 3 00:00:22,880 --> 00:00:29,640 May she, in the light of your countenance, behold eternal light in 4 00:00:29,640 --> 00:00:30,640 heaven. 5 00:00:31,660 --> 00:00:33,280 Poor old Aunty Silver. 6 00:00:33,980 --> 00:00:37,040 Whenever I smell cabbage boiling, I'll think of her. 7 00:00:39,220 --> 00:00:41,740 What a way to go on. Run over. 8 00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:44,120 Twice. 9 00:00:44,620 --> 00:00:46,280 Two consecutive buses. 10 00:00:48,120 --> 00:00:49,120 Typical, isn't it? 11 00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:51,940 You hang about for ages, then two come at last. 12 00:00:53,360 --> 00:00:56,140 Excuse me. 13 00:00:57,560 --> 00:00:58,580 Tracy? Sharon? 14 00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:01,600 Yeah? I'm an old friend of your Aunty Sylvie's. 15 00:01:01,840 --> 00:01:05,480 She often spoke about the two of you. I recognised you from her pictures. 16 00:01:06,380 --> 00:01:07,380 Oh. 17 00:01:07,660 --> 00:01:09,720 I just wanted to say how sorry I am. 18 00:01:10,660 --> 00:01:12,580 Sylvie was a good friend to me over the years. 19 00:01:13,420 --> 00:01:14,420 So very much. 20 00:01:15,300 --> 00:01:17,000 Anyway, nice to have met you. 21 00:01:17,220 --> 00:01:20,640 You know, I swear she knew her days were numbered. 22 00:01:21,340 --> 00:01:22,279 Oh, yeah? 23 00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:26,320 A few days ago, she made me promise that if anything happened to her, I was to 24 00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:27,360 get in touch with you both. 25 00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:29,820 Aunt Sylvie had the gift. 26 00:01:30,460 --> 00:01:32,100 She could see the future coming. 27 00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:34,920 Yeah? She only didn't work on them bathies. 28 00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:38,240 She asked me to give you this. 29 00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:41,280 It's a key. 30 00:01:41,860 --> 00:01:43,080 Well done, Sherlock. 31 00:01:44,220 --> 00:01:46,040 It's a key to a safety deposit box. 32 00:01:46,740 --> 00:01:47,740 Victoria Station. 33 00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:50,980 What's Sylvie doing with a safety deposit box? 34 00:01:51,700 --> 00:01:54,100 Perhaps she wanted to stash away the family heirlooms. 35 00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:57,240 Here, Trace, we could have an inheritance. 36 00:01:57,980 --> 00:01:59,140 Don't daft. 37 00:01:59,460 --> 00:02:00,760 It's possible, isn't it? 38 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:04,300 Here, mate, did she say... Where's he gone? 39 00:02:04,980 --> 00:02:05,980 There he is. 40 00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:09,380 Oi! Oi, hold up! Sharon! 41 00:02:09,919 --> 00:02:13,300 This is Walthamstow Cemetery, not Petticoat Lane Market. 42 00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:15,480 It doesn't matter, does it? 43 00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:19,640 Oh, please God, let it be diamonds. 44 00:02:20,380 --> 00:02:22,320 I don't like ratness crap either. 45 00:02:31,820 --> 00:02:33,440 So much for our inheritance. 46 00:02:33,840 --> 00:02:35,520 The old bat's left us her gas bill. 47 00:02:37,070 --> 00:02:38,130 There's a note and all. 48 00:02:39,330 --> 00:02:44,890 Dear girls, by the time you read this, I will have shuffled off this mortal 49 00:02:44,890 --> 00:02:50,610 coil. If, on the other hand, I'm still alive and you are a couple of tea 50 00:02:50,830 --> 00:02:54,810 then get your stinking hands off my property, you toe rags. 51 00:02:55,210 --> 00:02:56,810 She always had lovely waving words. 52 00:02:57,370 --> 00:03:03,230 For many years, I've carried with me a secret about the two of you and your 53 00:03:03,230 --> 00:03:04,230 natural parents. 54 00:03:05,610 --> 00:03:08,370 The truth is I knew who they were. 55 00:03:10,730 --> 00:03:17,650 When your mum, God rest her soul, adopted you both, she made me swear to 56 00:03:17,650 --> 00:03:22,970 shtum. But now I'm gone, it's up to you to decide for yourselves. 57 00:03:23,890 --> 00:03:26,850 Everything you need to know is in the envelope. 58 00:03:27,530 --> 00:03:28,810 Love, Sylvie. 59 00:03:36,490 --> 00:03:39,150 I say we open it, and I say we burn it. 60 00:03:39,510 --> 00:03:42,270 Don't be a lemon. Our parents' name's in there. 61 00:03:42,530 --> 00:03:44,390 Mum and Dad were our parents. 62 00:03:44,950 --> 00:03:47,770 They're gone, Trace. We ain't got no one now. 63 00:03:48,050 --> 00:03:49,810 Nah? What about Daryl and Chris? 64 00:03:50,410 --> 00:03:56,490 In case you've forgotten, butch casserole and a sundial are doing a 65 00:03:56,490 --> 00:03:58,470 stretch at one of Her Majesty's holiday camps. 66 00:03:59,630 --> 00:04:00,830 I don't care. 67 00:04:01,110 --> 00:04:02,690 I still don't want to know. All right. 68 00:04:08,490 --> 00:04:09,490 Have I called it a bad time? 69 00:04:10,930 --> 00:04:15,650 Oh, good. I love to see working -class women bicker. It's so Albert Square. 70 00:04:17,070 --> 00:04:19,110 Listen here, yo -yo knickers. 71 00:04:22,610 --> 00:04:25,930 I am not in the mood to be patronised by you, all right? 72 00:04:26,950 --> 00:04:27,950 Very good, Sharon. 73 00:04:28,690 --> 00:04:31,850 A three -syllable word and used in the correct context. 74 00:04:32,330 --> 00:04:33,930 You should apply to join Mencap. 75 00:04:35,570 --> 00:04:37,390 I think you mean men, sir. 76 00:04:38,060 --> 00:04:39,120 I know what I mean. 77 00:04:39,700 --> 00:04:42,920 Now, girls, I have an important announcement. 78 00:04:43,780 --> 00:04:49,160 Very soon, Marcus and I are to celebrate our silver wedding anniversary. And to 79 00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:52,120 mark the occasion... The Queen's going to present him with the Victoria Cross 80 00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:53,120 for Brady. 81 00:04:53,820 --> 00:04:57,180 We are going to throw the party of the year. 82 00:04:58,060 --> 00:04:59,980 And I will be the bell of the ball. 83 00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:03,060 Even Big Ben ain't got a bell that old. 84 00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:06,920 You're a hypocrite, Dorian. 85 00:05:07,700 --> 00:05:08,700 What do you mean? 86 00:05:08,900 --> 00:05:12,020 Well, if your guest list was to include half the blokes you've had since we've 87 00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:14,200 known you, you'd have to hold the party at Wembley Stadium. 88 00:05:16,180 --> 00:05:20,380 Well, I may have succumbed to the odd dalliance. Odd dalliance? You've spent 89 00:05:20,380 --> 00:05:22,680 more time staring up at ceilings than Michelangelo. 90 00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:26,460 Gracie, you exaggerate. 91 00:05:27,700 --> 00:05:32,280 Well, maybe not. Anyway, I want this party to be the highlight of the 92 00:05:32,280 --> 00:05:33,280 social calendar. 93 00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:34,720 That shouldn't be too difficult. 94 00:05:35,310 --> 00:05:39,790 Your only competition is the annual rugby club disco, otherwise known as the 95 00:05:39,790 --> 00:05:40,790 Pukason. 96 00:05:41,610 --> 00:05:43,070 Well, not so, Sharon. 97 00:05:43,650 --> 00:05:48,390 As luck would have it, our anniversary falls on the 18th, the very day that low 98 00:05:48,390 --> 00:05:51,750 -rent bitch, my very best friend Melanie Fishman, celebrates her birthday. 99 00:05:52,050 --> 00:05:53,530 What, and she's also having a party? 100 00:05:54,050 --> 00:05:55,050 Exactly. 101 00:05:55,550 --> 00:05:59,230 Oh, so all this is about keeping up with the Fishmans. 102 00:05:59,910 --> 00:06:00,970 Keeping up? 103 00:06:01,630 --> 00:06:02,650 Oh, no. 104 00:06:03,340 --> 00:06:06,700 I fully intend to trounce that white trash into oblivion. 105 00:06:07,540 --> 00:06:10,480 Well, I think it's an insult to the sanctity of marriage. 106 00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:14,500 Then you won't mind not being invited, will you? 107 00:06:17,280 --> 00:06:18,660 Nice one, Trace. 108 00:06:19,100 --> 00:06:21,720 You've just talked yourself out of a buckshee booze -up. 109 00:06:22,180 --> 00:06:25,620 Oh, don't get smug, Sharon. You're hardly A -list material yourself. 110 00:06:26,620 --> 00:06:27,680 I'll be coming, will I? 111 00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:32,680 Sharon. If I was that eager to embarrass myself, I'd become a contestant on 112 00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:33,680 Stars in Their Eyes. 113 00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:37,800 I take it that's a no. 114 00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:40,300 Nothing gets past you, does it? 115 00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:43,360 Well, we don't want to go to your poxy party anyway. 116 00:06:43,620 --> 00:06:45,000 No, it's nothing personal, Tracy. 117 00:06:45,220 --> 00:06:50,120 I mean, should I ever host a good old cockney knees -up with whelks and pies 118 00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:53,440 scruffy old flatulent men singing jitters about the Second World War, 119 00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:54,440 the first to know. 120 00:06:55,370 --> 00:06:58,770 Well, now you've given us your uninvite, you can sling your hook. We've got 121 00:06:58,770 --> 00:06:59,770 things to discuss. 122 00:07:00,390 --> 00:07:01,390 Private things. 123 00:07:02,030 --> 00:07:05,190 Hold up, Trace. It might help to get the opinion of an outsider. 124 00:07:06,590 --> 00:07:07,610 Even if she's a prat. 125 00:07:09,810 --> 00:07:11,490 This sounds juicy. What's going on? 126 00:07:12,850 --> 00:07:15,530 In that envelope are the names of our real parents. 127 00:07:15,910 --> 00:07:19,250 I want to open it. And I don't. Because you're saying that, it means we don't. I 128 00:07:19,250 --> 00:07:19,969 don't want to open it. 129 00:07:19,970 --> 00:07:22,390 I don't want to open it. Because you're the oldest, you always have to open it. 130 00:07:23,020 --> 00:07:27,340 Torn apart by the path they cannot escape. This could be wonderful material 131 00:07:27,340 --> 00:07:28,239 my next novel. 132 00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:29,240 Why? 133 00:07:32,380 --> 00:07:33,440 What do you think, Dor? 134 00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:35,020 Open it. Go on. 135 00:07:35,300 --> 00:07:38,900 I feel disloyal. Oh, that soon wears off, trust me. 136 00:07:42,020 --> 00:07:43,020 Oh, Christ. 137 00:07:43,940 --> 00:07:47,260 Mum and Dad wouldn't mind us finding out who our real parents are after they're 138 00:07:47,260 --> 00:07:48,260 dead, would they? 139 00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:52,260 Strange as it seems, I think I actually... actually know what she's 140 00:07:52,260 --> 00:07:53,680 about. See? 141 00:07:54,700 --> 00:07:56,080 Come on, Trace, please. 142 00:07:58,520 --> 00:07:59,520 All right. 143 00:07:59,860 --> 00:08:01,040 I can't wait. 144 00:08:01,320 --> 00:08:03,560 You won't have to. You ain't invited. 145 00:08:04,860 --> 00:08:06,060 Nothing personal. 146 00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:09,100 Shut the door, please, darling. 147 00:08:11,420 --> 00:08:13,380 And make sure you're on the other side of it. 148 00:08:20,330 --> 00:08:21,330 Here we go. 149 00:08:27,870 --> 00:08:28,870 I'm in faith. 150 00:08:29,390 --> 00:08:30,830 It's our real birth certificates. 151 00:08:35,289 --> 00:08:37,169 Do you want the good news or the bad news? 152 00:08:38,470 --> 00:08:39,490 The good news. 153 00:08:40,390 --> 00:08:44,090 The good news is our mum's name is Mavis Bullock. 154 00:08:46,870 --> 00:08:48,450 And she comes from Chiswick. 155 00:08:49,550 --> 00:08:50,590 What's the bad news? 156 00:08:51,910 --> 00:08:53,650 The bad news is she's dead, Trace. 157 00:08:54,710 --> 00:08:55,790 Over ten years ago. 158 00:08:56,690 --> 00:08:58,530 Here's an obituary cutting from the local paper. 159 00:09:00,510 --> 00:09:01,510 What about our dad? 160 00:09:04,310 --> 00:09:05,730 Oh, my goodness. 161 00:09:08,330 --> 00:09:09,330 What is it? 162 00:09:10,450 --> 00:09:13,010 Mum and Dad weren't married, Trace. Oh, lovely. 163 00:09:13,470 --> 00:09:15,910 First were a pair of bullocks, now a couple of... 164 00:09:25,040 --> 00:09:26,720 You're never going to believe who our old man is. 165 00:09:27,580 --> 00:09:28,580 Who? 166 00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:34,040 It's... It's... Yeah? 167 00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:36,760 George Hamilton. 168 00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:40,780 Who? 169 00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:43,820 You know, the actor. 170 00:09:44,980 --> 00:09:47,440 The one with the sun tannels in a law magazine. 171 00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:50,840 Yes, I know who the George Hamilton is, Sharon. 172 00:09:54,280 --> 00:09:55,280 stupid is American. 173 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:57,020 So what? 174 00:09:57,800 --> 00:09:59,740 Americans can have babies, Trey. 175 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:02,280 Think yourself. 176 00:10:05,380 --> 00:10:07,120 Father's name, George Hamilton. 177 00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:08,900 Yeah, on both of them. 178 00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:11,800 Look what it's got down for his occupation. 179 00:10:13,580 --> 00:10:14,580 Actor. 180 00:10:16,060 --> 00:10:19,520 I always knew there was something different about us. 181 00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:21,060 Something special. 182 00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:23,340 Get a grip, Sharon. 183 00:10:24,620 --> 00:10:26,220 It's a common name, isn't it? 184 00:10:26,500 --> 00:10:29,500 No. It all fits into place. 185 00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:33,060 George flitting round London doing a spot of acting. 186 00:10:33,340 --> 00:10:35,440 Yeah. He must have had a thing going with her mum. 187 00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:41,620 Sharon, the chances of the George Hamilton being our father have got to be 188 00:10:41,620 --> 00:10:42,620 in a million. 189 00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:43,760 Maybe so. 190 00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:47,240 But it's worth doing a spot of detective work to find out, isn't it? 191 00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:51,160 Yes, Mrs Hamilton. 192 00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:55,020 I know your husband's dead, but did he ever know a Magus Bullock? 193 00:10:55,460 --> 00:10:56,460 Hello? 194 00:10:56,720 --> 00:10:57,720 Hello? 195 00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:00,900 And another one bites the dust. 196 00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:02,440 Literally, in this case. 197 00:11:03,100 --> 00:11:04,760 God bless Fat Stan, eh? 198 00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:09,080 His son done us a right good turn hacking into the electoral registers for 199 00:11:23,110 --> 00:11:24,110 Yeah, thanks. 200 00:11:27,550 --> 00:11:28,570 Yeah, three of them. 201 00:11:29,250 --> 00:11:30,410 Yeah, I owe you one, mate. 202 00:11:31,550 --> 00:11:33,090 No, not one of them, you dirty lech. 203 00:11:42,170 --> 00:11:43,170 Morning, Vicar! 204 00:11:44,630 --> 00:11:45,630 What's happened? 205 00:11:45,790 --> 00:11:46,910 Trace, I've got brilliant news. 206 00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:50,040 That Stan's had all his tickets out, mates, checking out all the George 207 00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:52,420 Ambersons that weren't in the phone book. The ones we couldn't get hold of. 208 00:11:52,660 --> 00:11:58,580 And? And the final results are... Fourteen have kicked the bucket. 209 00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:01,020 Twelve are waiting for their voices to break. 210 00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:03,160 Ten have never heard of Mavis Bullock. 211 00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:04,740 Six have never heard of Chiswick. 212 00:12:05,500 --> 00:12:07,100 Three are impotent. Two are black. 213 00:12:07,540 --> 00:12:10,740 And one's living in Northampton with a choreographer named Gordon. 214 00:12:14,060 --> 00:12:15,580 Well, you see what this means, don't you? 215 00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:16,779 That's it. 216 00:12:16,780 --> 00:12:18,000 We've eliminated them all. 217 00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:19,620 We can't have. 218 00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:21,640 We have. Here's the proof. 219 00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:23,540 George is our dad. 220 00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:26,500 Sharon, any one of them could have been lying. 221 00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:31,040 Skeletons in the closet and all that. It don't disprove he's our dad, does it? 222 00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:34,500 No. Right, now, what we've got to do is confront him with the facts. 223 00:12:34,780 --> 00:12:35,599 Hang about. 224 00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:36,600 I'll just put my coat on. 225 00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:40,180 There's got to be some way of getting in touch with a bloke. How? 226 00:12:40,580 --> 00:12:41,580 He lives in America. 227 00:12:43,020 --> 00:12:44,940 Shame them Uber tickets never turned up. 228 00:12:48,310 --> 00:12:50,430 My God, look at the state of you both. 229 00:12:50,690 --> 00:12:53,230 You look like you should be sitting in a doorway selling copies of The Big 230 00:12:53,230 --> 00:12:54,230 Issue. 231 00:12:54,610 --> 00:12:57,170 Oh, for your information... Excuse me, I'm wanted on the mobile. 232 00:12:58,770 --> 00:13:01,030 Hello? Oh, Monsieur Raymond. 233 00:13:02,090 --> 00:13:05,370 It's Monsieur Raymond, ethics foremost function coordinator. 234 00:13:06,690 --> 00:13:08,350 That's concise for caterer. 235 00:13:09,650 --> 00:13:10,790 You got my message. 236 00:13:11,530 --> 00:13:14,050 Kill the cock -o -bam. We'll have salmon on crout instead. 237 00:13:18,190 --> 00:13:19,190 The caviar? 238 00:13:19,810 --> 00:13:21,770 Oh, well, we'll have it too. 239 00:13:22,090 --> 00:13:24,130 Loads of the stuff. Spread it on with the trowel, Raymond. 240 00:13:25,670 --> 00:13:26,670 The cost? 241 00:13:27,230 --> 00:13:29,970 How much can little fish eggs cost these days? 242 00:13:32,070 --> 00:13:33,070 How much? 243 00:13:35,070 --> 00:13:37,550 Yes, I'll get back to you, Raymond. 244 00:13:38,050 --> 00:13:39,050 Ciao. 245 00:13:40,330 --> 00:13:41,970 Damn, damn, damn. 246 00:13:42,450 --> 00:13:44,230 Why can't a woman be more like a man? 247 00:13:46,030 --> 00:13:50,090 Do I take it that keeping up with the fishmans isn't going as swimmingly as 248 00:13:50,090 --> 00:13:51,090 at home? 249 00:13:51,250 --> 00:13:56,110 I order no -air chandon. Melanie orders krug. I order canapes. She orders 250 00:13:56,110 --> 00:13:59,970 truffles. That woman is definitely starting to rain on my parade. 251 00:14:00,350 --> 00:14:02,510 Sounds to me like she's peeing on it from a break. 252 00:14:04,570 --> 00:14:06,490 She's even got celebrity guests. 253 00:14:07,390 --> 00:14:11,310 Lionel Blair and half the Arsenal team have promised to attend. Do you have 254 00:14:11,310 --> 00:14:14,550 any... the idea of the sort of money it takes to book a star of the calibre of 255 00:14:14,550 --> 00:14:15,249 Lionel Blair? 256 00:14:15,250 --> 00:14:16,390 No. Give us a clue. 257 00:14:21,150 --> 00:14:23,630 Serves you right for not inviting us to your party. 258 00:14:23,910 --> 00:14:26,930 Yeah. And us having a famous bed and all. 259 00:14:29,070 --> 00:14:30,070 What? 260 00:14:31,290 --> 00:14:32,290 You heard? 261 00:14:32,870 --> 00:14:35,050 Me and Tracy are celebrity children. 262 00:14:36,510 --> 00:14:37,510 Really? 263 00:14:37,730 --> 00:14:40,110 I didn't know King Kong had been allowed to meet. 264 00:14:46,730 --> 00:14:49,730 You'll be laughing the other side of your mush when you find out who it is. 265 00:14:52,570 --> 00:14:53,570 Are you serious? 266 00:14:54,130 --> 00:14:55,130 Who? 267 00:14:56,330 --> 00:14:57,810 Should we tell her, Trace? 268 00:14:58,350 --> 00:14:59,350 Nah. 269 00:14:59,950 --> 00:15:01,210 You can come to my party. 270 00:15:03,110 --> 00:15:05,770 We'll think about it. Good. Now spill the beans. Who is it? 271 00:15:08,050 --> 00:15:09,390 George Hamilton. 272 00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:14,840 Sorry. 273 00:15:16,620 --> 00:15:18,260 George Hamilton. 274 00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:28,800 What's so funny? 275 00:15:29,860 --> 00:15:31,840 George Hamilton is your father. 276 00:15:33,620 --> 00:15:37,480 Slim, suntan, gorgeous George Hamilton. 277 00:15:38,360 --> 00:15:39,460 Yeah, that's right. 278 00:15:39,980 --> 00:15:42,580 Oh, my God, they'll have to rewrite the laws of genetics. 279 00:15:59,530 --> 00:16:03,650 There must have been 147 of them, actually. And we've checked every one of 280 00:16:03,650 --> 00:16:04,650 out. 281 00:16:06,250 --> 00:16:07,670 But it's not possible. 282 00:16:08,930 --> 00:16:12,910 George Hamilton has been out with some of the world's most beautiful women. 283 00:16:13,990 --> 00:16:14,990 Joan Collins. 284 00:16:15,610 --> 00:16:16,610 Elizabeth Taylor. 285 00:16:17,350 --> 00:16:18,350 Mavis Bullock. 286 00:16:20,910 --> 00:16:22,310 I don't believe it. 287 00:16:23,390 --> 00:16:28,050 I have adored him ever since I was a teenager. The man is a bona fide sex 288 00:16:28,350 --> 00:16:29,350 Are you? 289 00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:30,920 Don't talk dirty about our date. 290 00:16:33,220 --> 00:16:34,980 It isn't possible. 291 00:16:35,900 --> 00:16:36,920 It is. 292 00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:38,460 And there's the proof. 293 00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:40,760 Look, Cheryl, we don't know for sure. 294 00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:45,700 No. But you must find out, because if this is true, it could change your life. 295 00:16:46,140 --> 00:16:47,920 Our lives don't want changing. 296 00:16:48,300 --> 00:16:49,300 Speak for yourself. 297 00:16:50,180 --> 00:16:51,660 You have to get in touch. 298 00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:55,540 Now, George always spends the summer in Bel -Air. That's Hollywood. 299 00:16:57,170 --> 00:16:59,490 Hollywood? We can't afford the fare to Cricklewood. 300 00:17:01,130 --> 00:17:02,570 I might be able to help. 301 00:17:03,170 --> 00:17:06,970 I have been secretly hoarding Marcus's air miles from his business trips. 302 00:17:07,510 --> 00:17:08,609 They're Marcus's. 303 00:17:08,810 --> 00:17:09,810 Only legally. 304 00:17:10,069 --> 00:17:13,010 I might have enough stashed away to get you to the States. 305 00:17:14,609 --> 00:17:17,490 Are you saying that you'd pay for us to go to America? 306 00:17:17,890 --> 00:17:18,890 Of course. 307 00:17:19,750 --> 00:17:22,170 Think of it as a token of friendship. 308 00:17:22,970 --> 00:17:25,030 No, better still, look on it as charity. 309 00:17:27,190 --> 00:17:28,190 What's the catch? 310 00:17:28,870 --> 00:17:29,870 There isn't one. 311 00:17:30,710 --> 00:17:32,310 No, I could do with a break myself. 312 00:17:34,110 --> 00:17:35,110 There's the catch. 313 00:17:35,950 --> 00:17:38,390 Well, that's settled then. 314 00:17:39,650 --> 00:17:40,650 Hollywood? 315 00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:01,240 that need was so ugly. 316 00:18:26,220 --> 00:18:27,380 Doreen, you didn't. 317 00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:34,000 Virgin of all airlines. 318 00:18:34,420 --> 00:18:35,420 I know, it's ironic. 319 00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:38,380 Most people get their nuts in little packets. 320 00:18:38,680 --> 00:18:39,680 Not her, though. 321 00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:41,640 I've always wanted to join the Mile High Club. 322 00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:44,900 Hopefully that should earn me honorary life membership. 323 00:18:45,660 --> 00:18:47,400 I dare it, you daft tart. 324 00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:49,760 We ain't taken off yet. 325 00:18:50,020 --> 00:18:51,460 We're still on the flipping runway. 326 00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:55,500 There we are. 327 00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:57,540 Anyway, see you both later. 328 00:18:57,960 --> 00:18:58,960 Where are you going now? 329 00:18:59,960 --> 00:19:01,820 Well, I'm off to the upper class section. 330 00:19:02,650 --> 00:19:07,310 You really didn't expect me to stay here amidst social groups D .E. and Florida 331 00:19:07,310 --> 00:19:08,310 Riot. 332 00:19:08,630 --> 00:19:11,010 I'm off to find a nice wealthy tycoon. 333 00:19:11,930 --> 00:19:12,930 Ciao. 334 00:19:13,230 --> 00:19:14,290 Have a good time. 335 00:19:37,610 --> 00:19:38,950 to make your acquaintance. 336 00:19:41,870 --> 00:19:42,870 I'm Dorian. 337 00:19:43,390 --> 00:19:44,390 Dorian Green. 338 00:19:44,750 --> 00:19:47,050 And you are? My name's Richard. 339 00:19:48,230 --> 00:19:51,170 Mind if I call you Dick? 340 00:19:53,270 --> 00:19:57,990 Now, have you flown before, Dick? 341 00:19:58,490 --> 00:20:00,750 I do it all the time. 342 00:20:01,510 --> 00:20:02,770 They're flying, that is. 343 00:20:26,860 --> 00:20:29,240 America. I can't believe we're here. 344 00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:30,760 So big. 345 00:20:30,820 --> 00:20:32,060 So much to see. 346 00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:01,300 to the Hotel California. 347 00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:05,240 Oh, well. 348 00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:06,600 Cheap and cheerful. 349 00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:08,900 Come on, Zorba, get moving. 350 00:21:09,180 --> 00:21:11,260 Me? No, this is your accommodation. 351 00:21:11,700 --> 00:21:13,000 I'm staying at the Mondrian. 352 00:21:13,560 --> 00:21:15,460 The top people's hotel. 353 00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:23,080 You... We'll rendezvous in the bar at nine o 'clock. And Sharon, 354 00:21:23,220 --> 00:21:25,780 try to dress a little more cosmopolitan. 355 00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:30,040 Dry... 356 00:21:32,270 --> 00:21:36,630 Now, I've been working on a plan to get to George. And I picked up this from the 357 00:21:36,630 --> 00:21:37,630 hotel lobby. 358 00:21:38,250 --> 00:21:40,990 Guided tours of Hollywood? I don't think so, Tracy. 359 00:21:41,350 --> 00:21:42,410 Why? What's wrong with them? 360 00:21:43,030 --> 00:21:44,550 Tours are for tourists. 361 00:21:45,430 --> 00:21:49,150 Tourists come from Basildon, wear cheap knitwear and watch GMTV. 362 00:21:49,490 --> 00:21:53,490 So I am more of a global citizen. I blend easily into foreign cultures. 363 00:21:53,970 --> 00:21:55,750 You are a foreign culture. 364 00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:59,200 The tour includes the homes at the start. 365 00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:04,440 South, I said. Donna, Barbara Streisand, George Hampton. 366 00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:07,340 Trace, you're a genius. 367 00:22:07,780 --> 00:22:08,780 We'll get tickets. 368 00:22:09,860 --> 00:22:11,540 Tomorrow, one o 'clock. 369 00:22:14,620 --> 00:22:18,720 Your left is the luxurious home of Bruce Willis and his lovely wife, Demi Moore. 370 00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:22,340 No prizes for guessing which one chose that ghastly colour. 371 00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:25,260 Look at that, Trace. 372 00:22:25,900 --> 00:22:27,840 Makes your gas look like a flea bit. 373 00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:30,220 Not very much. 374 00:22:32,520 --> 00:22:35,260 Belt up, you little germinal. Sew your lips together. 375 00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:41,880 Next up is the lavishly decorated mansion house of Hollywood's most famous 376 00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:47,560 suntan, movie star and playboy, Mr. George Hamilton. 377 00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:49,780 Right, let's say stop. 378 00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:51,480 Time for plane B into action. 379 00:22:56,590 --> 00:22:57,589 What is happening here? 380 00:22:57,590 --> 00:23:00,470 It's my sister. She's having a turn. You're going to have to let us off. 381 00:23:01,210 --> 00:23:03,770 No one leaves this bus, ma 'am. Company policy. 382 00:23:04,210 --> 00:23:05,210 But you don't understand. 383 00:23:05,510 --> 00:23:06,570 She could get violent. 384 00:23:06,810 --> 00:23:08,750 I can't be responsible for her behavior. 385 00:23:09,190 --> 00:23:11,010 What exactly is the matter with her? 386 00:23:11,690 --> 00:23:12,690 What's the matter with her? 387 00:23:14,090 --> 00:23:14,969 It's rare. 388 00:23:14,970 --> 00:23:15,970 It's very rare. 389 00:23:16,170 --> 00:23:17,890 Yes. And tragic. 390 00:23:18,570 --> 00:23:20,330 It happened when she was a child. 391 00:23:20,770 --> 00:23:22,190 What did? The incident. 392 00:23:23,230 --> 00:23:24,230 She was bitten. 393 00:23:24,710 --> 00:23:25,710 By a dingo. 394 00:23:27,330 --> 00:23:29,350 Was it wild? 395 00:23:29,770 --> 00:23:30,810 Absolutely furious. 396 00:23:33,710 --> 00:23:35,910 Well, perhaps in this case I can make an exception. 397 00:23:38,830 --> 00:23:39,390 A 398 00:23:39,390 --> 00:23:46,190 bitten 399 00:23:46,190 --> 00:23:47,190 by a dingo. 400 00:23:47,470 --> 00:23:50,030 In Elfield. I was improvising. 401 00:23:50,450 --> 00:23:51,650 You were bullshitting. 402 00:23:53,290 --> 00:23:54,290 the size of those gates. 403 00:23:54,770 --> 00:23:55,770 How are we going to get in? 404 00:24:26,120 --> 00:24:27,440 Tracy, do you have a crowbar? 405 00:24:27,820 --> 00:24:29,480 What? They're breaking in. 406 00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:31,900 No, but I'll never get those cranks off without one. 407 00:24:36,760 --> 00:24:37,760 Sandy! 408 00:24:42,720 --> 00:24:44,780 Come on, we're getting over here. 409 00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:48,200 All right, you go first, all right? It's before beauty. 410 00:24:48,860 --> 00:24:50,020 Lucy, I need a fun cup. 411 00:25:19,150 --> 00:25:20,890 crazy women living at the bottom of your garden? 412 00:25:22,530 --> 00:25:25,090 I didn't think so. We better get some security up here quickly. 413 00:25:27,690 --> 00:25:29,330 I'll stay here and guard the valuables. 414 00:25:32,010 --> 00:25:38,690 Thank you, you little ones. 415 00:25:39,510 --> 00:25:40,570 Your leader has returned. 416 00:26:07,690 --> 00:26:08,870 designer shorts ruined. 417 00:26:10,070 --> 00:26:13,130 Do you have any idea how many strange men must have seen my bottom? 418 00:26:15,430 --> 00:26:17,490 I don't know. What year are we going from? 419 00:26:19,950 --> 00:26:22,530 This is an omen. We shouldn't be doing this. 420 00:26:22,870 --> 00:26:24,270 Shut up, you wimp. 421 00:26:25,090 --> 00:26:26,750 We're not going back to that house again. 422 00:26:26,950 --> 00:26:29,270 They could shoot us next time. Oh, don't worry. 423 00:26:29,470 --> 00:26:31,330 We could always take cover behind Sharon. 424 00:26:34,030 --> 00:26:36,790 Some it'll turn up, Trace. We'll get in touch with him somehow. 425 00:26:37,230 --> 00:26:38,230 A fair chance. 426 00:26:38,370 --> 00:26:39,610 We'll need a flipping miracle. 427 00:26:42,010 --> 00:26:46,210 Attention all you ladies. Tomorrow, Universal Studios Hollywood's very own 428 00:26:46,210 --> 00:26:50,130 George Hamilton will begin work on a new multi -million dollar TV miniseries. 429 00:26:55,190 --> 00:26:56,190 Oh, 430 00:27:01,010 --> 00:27:02,010 that's it. 431 00:27:02,050 --> 00:27:03,050 That's it. 432 00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:05,280 I've died and gone to heaven. 433 00:27:06,500 --> 00:27:08,900 Well, you haven't. I've got bigger boobs than you. 434 00:27:09,980 --> 00:27:10,980 I don't. 435 00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:16,300 You've got these massive feet. Where have all the muscles gone? 436 00:27:17,420 --> 00:27:18,700 You've got a bit of safety. 437 00:27:19,340 --> 00:27:21,780 These muscles are as human as a shell. 438 00:27:23,380 --> 00:27:24,800 I can't eat them, can I? 439 00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:26,160 No, but I could. 440 00:27:27,300 --> 00:27:29,600 Oh, just look at those bodies. 441 00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:33,190 Boy! We're supposed to be working our asses into the studios. 442 00:27:33,510 --> 00:27:34,750 It's not a line up of talent. 443 00:28:06,120 --> 00:28:07,960 Sidney, your receptionist. How may I help you? 444 00:28:08,460 --> 00:28:13,400 Hi. I'm Tracy Beckham -Stubbs. We're here to interview George Hamilton for 445 00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:14,400 Hello! magazine. 446 00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:15,520 Hello! 447 00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:17,740 Oh, Lucy, what are you? 448 00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:21,320 Dorianne Green, stylist to the stars. 449 00:28:22,140 --> 00:28:23,940 Sharon Theodopolopoulos. 450 00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:27,480 They call me the snapper. 451 00:28:28,520 --> 00:28:32,200 Well, I'm afraid I have no record of any interviews scheduled. 452 00:28:32,500 --> 00:28:34,820 Well, there must be some mistake. I jetted in from Paris especially. 453 00:28:35,740 --> 00:28:37,560 Didn't even have time to kiss David and Iman goodbye. 454 00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:40,240 If you'd like to take a seat, I can phone her and check. 455 00:28:40,500 --> 00:28:44,000 Oh, that won't be necessary. We'll just pop over there ourselves. That won't be 456 00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:45,220 possible. They're in rehearsal. 457 00:28:48,120 --> 00:28:51,120 Hi. Stage 14. This is Sydney on reception. 458 00:28:51,600 --> 00:28:54,120 Do you know anything about an interview with George Hamilton? 459 00:28:54,320 --> 00:28:55,320 Excuse me, Sid. 460 00:28:55,700 --> 00:28:57,560 Could you tell me where the car is, please? 461 00:28:58,680 --> 00:28:59,680 The toilet. 462 00:28:59,700 --> 00:29:01,160 The bathroom's over there. 463 00:29:01,940 --> 00:29:03,360 I want a slash, not a shower. 464 00:29:13,740 --> 00:29:14,739 Attention, attention. 465 00:29:14,740 --> 00:29:16,620 We have three intruders on the compound. 466 00:29:16,880 --> 00:29:20,340 Female, Caucasian, heading for stage 14. 467 00:29:58,760 --> 00:29:59,760 And it was... Ruth! 468 00:30:03,320 --> 00:30:04,700 You sure you know how to drive this thing? 469 00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:04,840 Blimey, what's all this? 470 00:32:05,060 --> 00:32:06,060 I thought them were maces. 471 00:32:06,320 --> 00:32:07,320 All right, Daryl. 472 00:32:07,380 --> 00:32:09,840 Fancy a lardy? Yeah, I might as well do. 473 00:32:10,840 --> 00:32:15,080 Where'd all this lot come from, then? Well, let's just say I've got friends. 474 00:32:15,460 --> 00:32:16,460 Good friends. 475 00:32:17,420 --> 00:32:20,180 Oh, smoked salmon or durbaris? 476 00:32:21,620 --> 00:32:22,620 Look, 477 00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:26,100 Chris, the only bloke who can get hold of this stuff in here is Elfie Conroy. 478 00:32:26,400 --> 00:32:28,800 And he ain't the sort of bloke you want to go get him mixed up with. 479 00:32:29,580 --> 00:32:30,600 He's a diamond, is he? 480 00:32:31,220 --> 00:32:32,220 Sweeter than that. Yeah? 481 00:32:32,840 --> 00:32:35,360 That's what his mum used to say just before he dropped the heater in her 482 00:32:35,360 --> 00:32:36,360 bathtub. 483 00:32:38,860 --> 00:32:40,840 How must this lot set you back? Well, I don't know. 484 00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:42,040 Got it all on tick. 485 00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:43,760 Oh, dear. 486 00:32:44,140 --> 00:32:46,020 You really are as stupid as you look, aren't you? 487 00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:47,960 In fact, you look to do you a disservice. 488 00:32:48,160 --> 00:32:49,580 You're actually a complete moron. 489 00:32:50,620 --> 00:32:52,180 You're never going to be able to pay for all this. 490 00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:53,640 Relax, devil! 491 00:32:54,240 --> 00:32:59,640 Look, let's just say I've got a bit of business going down, right? And I stand 492 00:32:59,640 --> 00:33:02,360 to make myself a nice few quid. Oh, yeah? What kind of business? 493 00:33:02,840 --> 00:33:03,980 Well, I can't say, sir. 494 00:33:04,460 --> 00:33:05,460 Confidential. 495 00:33:05,600 --> 00:33:08,780 Of course. 496 00:33:09,200 --> 00:33:12,540 I ain't got no secrets from you. Well, hold on. Hang about. 497 00:33:19,120 --> 00:33:20,120 Here. 498 00:33:21,440 --> 00:33:23,000 I'm selling Sharon's story, ain't I? 499 00:33:23,960 --> 00:33:24,960 For the papers. 500 00:33:25,560 --> 00:33:27,520 I was a superstar's love child. 501 00:33:28,640 --> 00:33:31,140 Well, they paid big bucks for that kind of thing. 502 00:33:31,500 --> 00:33:32,500 Smart move, eh? 503 00:33:32,830 --> 00:33:35,410 Yes. Slimy, rotten lowlife. 504 00:33:36,330 --> 00:33:39,890 Stitching up your own wife for a couple of quid? Not to mention my Tracy. 505 00:33:40,330 --> 00:33:41,330 Calm down, devil. 506 00:33:42,030 --> 00:33:43,550 I won't mention nothing about Tracy. 507 00:33:44,010 --> 00:33:45,990 Honest. Look, have another cigar. 508 00:33:46,290 --> 00:33:48,090 Chocolate? Take the lot. 509 00:33:53,750 --> 00:33:59,370 Who was that? 510 00:34:00,130 --> 00:34:01,170 Roger the barman. 511 00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:03,840 So was it not what you've been doing? 512 00:34:07,720 --> 00:34:12,159 For your information, I have been out with Roger for your sake. 513 00:34:12,580 --> 00:34:17,100 I'll tell very much. I really appreciate it. Roger tends bar at lots of 514 00:34:17,100 --> 00:34:21,719 celebrity functions. Now, tomorrow night, he will be working at an 515 00:34:21,719 --> 00:34:25,639 company bash at the Beau Rivage, L .A.'s chicest restaurant. 516 00:34:26,340 --> 00:34:30,380 Tune in same time tomorrow for another thrilling edition of... 517 00:34:30,710 --> 00:34:32,030 Life with Roger. 518 00:34:33,650 --> 00:34:36,270 George Hamilton is going to be there. 519 00:34:37,250 --> 00:34:38,250 What? Yes. 520 00:34:38,730 --> 00:34:39,929 And so are we. 521 00:34:40,469 --> 00:34:43,050 Roger has promised to arrange it as a special favour. 522 00:34:43,370 --> 00:34:46,889 And what does Roger the Dodger expect in return for this special favour? 523 00:34:47,389 --> 00:34:49,090 Don't worry, he's been paid in advance. 524 00:34:50,449 --> 00:34:52,730 The things I do for you girls. 525 00:34:54,250 --> 00:34:55,530 Exclusive bash, eh? 526 00:34:56,230 --> 00:34:59,770 I'll have to give the velour tracksuit of going over with the old right girl. 527 00:35:01,840 --> 00:35:05,940 I don't think so, Sharon. We will be mixing with the creme de la creme of 528 00:35:05,940 --> 00:35:06,940 Hollywood society. 529 00:35:07,280 --> 00:35:08,780 Right, but I think dressy women. 530 00:35:09,140 --> 00:35:13,440 Right, then we will dedicate tomorrow to my second favourite activity in the 531 00:35:13,440 --> 00:35:14,440 entire world. 532 00:35:14,680 --> 00:35:18,460 Girls, we are going to shop till we drop. 533 00:35:40,430 --> 00:35:41,890 Welcome to Giorgio Armani. 534 00:35:42,210 --> 00:35:43,210 Have a look around. 535 00:35:45,730 --> 00:35:47,230 Oh, hi, sir. 536 00:35:47,650 --> 00:35:49,250 Someone's left their phone number on this one. 537 00:36:00,530 --> 00:36:01,530 Lovely phone. 538 00:36:03,270 --> 00:36:04,470 This is quite beautiful. 539 00:36:07,500 --> 00:36:09,220 I think this is a bit young for you. 540 00:37:03,400 --> 00:37:04,940 Something like arriving in Star, was there? 541 00:37:09,880 --> 00:37:12,560 Oh, if only Melanie Fishman could see me now. 542 00:37:13,020 --> 00:37:15,200 Look, even that Sharon Stone over there. 543 00:37:28,220 --> 00:37:29,220 Hi. 544 00:37:30,120 --> 00:37:31,300 Well, can I get you ladies anything? 545 00:37:32,370 --> 00:37:33,430 Aroused would be nice. 546 00:37:33,930 --> 00:37:34,930 I'll tell you a story. 547 00:37:35,330 --> 00:37:36,910 You can be Roger the Rabbit, like. 548 00:37:37,170 --> 00:37:38,910 The main man of Cure Royale, darling. 549 00:37:39,130 --> 00:37:40,130 I'll have a bottle of lemonade. 550 00:37:40,450 --> 00:37:41,990 A pint of Heineken for me, please. 551 00:38:01,290 --> 00:38:02,290 I'm going out. 552 00:38:03,210 --> 00:38:04,210 You're not. 553 00:38:04,490 --> 00:38:06,190 Look at that pain. 554 00:38:07,350 --> 00:38:10,230 He must come to sleep for some bit strapped to his gut. 555 00:38:10,990 --> 00:38:15,050 I think it is time to introduce you to your father. 556 00:38:18,190 --> 00:38:20,050 May I help you? 557 00:38:20,950 --> 00:38:24,690 No, thanks. We're just leaving. We'd like a table, please. You are aware that 558 00:38:24,690 --> 00:38:26,970 our dining area is reserved for a VIP list? 559 00:38:27,310 --> 00:38:28,310 Of course. 560 00:38:28,810 --> 00:38:30,110 I am a VIP. 561 00:38:31,200 --> 00:38:33,300 Yeah, very impulsive pervert. 562 00:38:34,620 --> 00:38:35,620 Your name is? 563 00:38:36,800 --> 00:38:37,800 My name. 564 00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:39,200 Yes, madam. 565 00:38:39,380 --> 00:38:42,600 They're very fashionable here in L .A. Simply everybody has one. 566 00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:45,140 Who are you? This is Jack and Lauren. 567 00:38:58,890 --> 00:39:01,510 Roger never mentioned there was a VIP enclosure. 568 00:39:02,930 --> 00:39:04,070 Who does that mean? 569 00:39:04,450 --> 00:39:05,450 Roger and Art. 570 00:39:05,830 --> 00:39:07,070 I can't believe it. 571 00:39:07,390 --> 00:39:10,110 I was that close to him, I could have spat on him. 572 00:39:10,950 --> 00:39:14,510 I hardly think gobbing's an appropriate form of greeting, darling Sharon. 573 00:39:16,650 --> 00:39:19,370 We're not going to get nowhere near the bloke, let alone speak to him. 574 00:39:19,650 --> 00:39:22,630 She might as well go home. Tracy, remember what they say in the movies. 575 00:39:22,970 --> 00:39:25,670 The show ain't over till the fat lady sings. 576 00:39:37,759 --> 00:39:40,500 Exactly, how did you get that nasty little head? 577 00:39:42,640 --> 00:39:43,640 Nothing. 578 00:39:44,060 --> 00:39:45,060 Really? 579 00:39:47,260 --> 00:39:48,260 Not what I heard. 580 00:39:49,200 --> 00:39:53,360 Look, 80 % of all accidents occur in the barber shop. That makes me just a 581 00:39:53,360 --> 00:39:54,360 meaningless statistic. 582 00:39:56,100 --> 00:39:57,100 If you say so. 583 00:40:00,340 --> 00:40:01,900 Only I heard it, though. 584 00:40:02,629 --> 00:40:05,050 Came from a little run -in with some female admirers. 585 00:40:05,770 --> 00:40:09,410 George, I have no female admirers, and that includes my immediate family. 586 00:40:16,210 --> 00:40:16,570 I 587 00:40:16,570 --> 00:40:23,450 was just 588 00:40:23,450 --> 00:40:24,990 parking, so I thought I'd drop in. 589 00:40:25,310 --> 00:40:26,830 Excuse me, I'm with these people. 590 00:40:27,290 --> 00:40:29,170 Stop, don't talk to me, you stupid, fat American. 591 00:40:30,050 --> 00:40:30,828 Call me. 592 00:40:30,830 --> 00:40:31,830 We'll do lunch. 593 00:40:35,730 --> 00:40:36,950 Is that John Connors? 594 00:40:43,370 --> 00:40:44,470 Thank God you got here. 595 00:40:45,030 --> 00:40:46,410 Get me out of this hellhole. 596 00:40:46,910 --> 00:40:49,870 I can't. I couldn't raise the $10 ,000 bail. 597 00:40:50,810 --> 00:40:51,810 How much have you got? 598 00:40:53,870 --> 00:40:54,870 Nothing. 599 00:41:03,720 --> 00:41:04,720 Cracking. Whatever. 600 00:41:06,120 --> 00:41:07,420 We could always ring Marcus. 601 00:41:07,860 --> 00:41:08,900 Ask him for the dosh. 602 00:41:09,740 --> 00:41:12,940 I told her we shouldn't have come. I knew it'd end in tears. I've said it all 603 00:41:12,940 --> 00:41:15,380 along. Oh, whine, whine, whine. It's all you've done since we left London. 604 00:41:16,420 --> 00:41:18,060 Don't ever go at her. She's upset. 605 00:41:18,880 --> 00:41:20,580 Well, what's she got to be upset about? 606 00:41:21,560 --> 00:41:22,600 I'm the one in prison. 607 00:41:23,500 --> 00:41:25,760 I'm the one that's gone over the limit on Marcus's credit card. 608 00:41:26,580 --> 00:41:30,060 And I'm the one that hasn't got a special celebrity guest at my very own 609 00:41:30,060 --> 00:41:31,060 anniversary party. 610 00:41:35,660 --> 00:41:40,860 Gorgeous George by my side. I would have wiped the floor with Melanie Fishman's 611 00:41:40,860 --> 00:41:42,460 pathetic little birthday bash. 612 00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:45,980 He'd have escorted me onto the floor. 613 00:41:46,420 --> 00:41:49,200 As he's done with all the other great beauties of our time. 614 00:41:50,120 --> 00:41:51,120 Joan Collins. 615 00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:52,800 Elizabeth Taylor. 616 00:41:53,860 --> 00:41:54,860 And me. 617 00:41:55,900 --> 00:41:56,960 Dorian Green. 618 00:41:58,240 --> 00:42:01,900 He would have knocked Lionel Blair's tap dance into a cocked bloody hat. 619 00:42:03,800 --> 00:42:05,260 Are you saying... 620 00:42:05,550 --> 00:42:09,450 The only reason you helped us find our dad was so that he'd go to your party. 621 00:42:10,450 --> 00:42:11,630 Well, don't look so hurt. 622 00:42:11,950 --> 00:42:13,810 The name's Dorian Green, not Cilla Black. 623 00:42:15,250 --> 00:42:16,890 No. Go, go. 624 00:42:17,190 --> 00:42:18,670 You were always my main concern. 625 00:42:19,390 --> 00:42:20,390 About my bail. 626 00:42:20,750 --> 00:42:21,750 Stop it. 627 00:42:22,530 --> 00:42:23,530 Dorian Green? 628 00:42:24,370 --> 00:42:25,990 Yes. Yes, that's me. 629 00:42:26,210 --> 00:42:27,410 Sign here. You're free to go. 630 00:42:28,910 --> 00:42:32,430 Really? Yep. You're out of here. Well, thank you. Thank you. Hey, don't thank 631 00:42:32,430 --> 00:42:33,710 me. Thank Mr. Wendell. 632 00:42:34,050 --> 00:42:34,919 Who's he? 633 00:42:34,920 --> 00:42:35,678 The commissioner? 634 00:42:35,680 --> 00:42:37,040 No, the guy you've been stalking. 635 00:42:38,020 --> 00:42:39,140 Me, a stalker? 636 00:42:39,820 --> 00:42:42,520 The town knows about you. Hey, you're famous. 637 00:42:44,820 --> 00:42:46,280 This is libelous. 638 00:42:47,240 --> 00:42:48,240 I shall sue. 639 00:42:48,580 --> 00:42:50,940 I shall sue the entire book of second country. 640 00:42:51,980 --> 00:42:53,680 She's a stalker. Then how come she let me go? 641 00:42:54,080 --> 00:42:57,240 We had a call from Mr. Wendt's agent. Now he is happy as a clam about the 642 00:42:57,240 --> 00:43:01,400 publicity. In this town, you are nobody until you've had your own stalker. 643 00:43:05,610 --> 00:43:07,590 I bet Melanie Fisher has never thought about that. 644 00:43:13,090 --> 00:43:13,610 Are 645 00:43:13,610 --> 00:43:22,730 you 646 00:43:22,730 --> 00:43:24,450 ready? Aggie is downstairs. 647 00:43:25,350 --> 00:43:26,350 Almost. 648 00:43:26,830 --> 00:43:27,830 Come in. 649 00:43:29,230 --> 00:43:30,230 Please. 650 00:43:37,420 --> 00:43:38,560 Look, I just want to say I'm sorry. 651 00:43:39,580 --> 00:43:40,580 Yeah, we know. 652 00:43:41,080 --> 00:43:43,700 Sorry that George Hamilton won't be coming to your party. 653 00:43:43,980 --> 00:43:44,980 No. 654 00:43:45,980 --> 00:43:51,620 Sorry you didn't get the chance to find out if he was your... And I'm sorry for 655 00:43:51,620 --> 00:43:52,620 everything I've done. 656 00:43:53,680 --> 00:43:55,240 I know I can be a selfish bitch. 657 00:43:58,260 --> 00:44:00,180 Come on. Give your hand to your luggage. 658 00:44:03,520 --> 00:44:05,240 Flipping egg door. What have you got in here? 659 00:44:05,680 --> 00:44:07,080 Supposedly the south, not the bathtub. 660 00:44:08,540 --> 00:44:10,620 Only the poor travel light, Tracy. 661 00:44:11,220 --> 00:44:12,860 Oh, leave them for the bellboy. 662 00:44:52,820 --> 00:44:54,220 Thank you, Mr. 663 00:44:54,680 --> 00:44:56,600 Hamilton. Please call me George. 664 00:44:57,860 --> 00:44:58,860 Cheers, George. 665 00:45:02,640 --> 00:45:04,280 Is your friend okay? 666 00:45:06,120 --> 00:45:07,120 I think she's a bit overcome. 667 00:45:07,400 --> 00:45:10,200 She's been carrying a bit of a torch for you ever since she was a young girl. 668 00:45:11,520 --> 00:45:13,140 Well, no wonder she's exhausted. 669 00:45:15,740 --> 00:45:17,900 So you really thought I was your father? 670 00:45:18,880 --> 00:45:19,880 Yeah. 671 00:45:20,340 --> 00:45:21,940 I suppose you think we're really stupid. 672 00:45:22,900 --> 00:45:25,820 Not at all. I'm very flattered. You have been to London, have you? 673 00:45:26,900 --> 00:45:29,200 Sure, many times. It's a beautiful city. 674 00:45:29,640 --> 00:45:31,580 Someday I may go back and buy it. 675 00:45:35,920 --> 00:45:39,860 While you were there, you never, uh... You know. 676 00:45:41,500 --> 00:45:42,620 Absolutely not. 677 00:45:44,120 --> 00:45:48,960 Well, not with anyone by the name of Mavis Bullock, anyway. 678 00:45:52,360 --> 00:45:54,420 Well, thanks for listening to us, George. 679 00:45:54,640 --> 00:45:57,080 We won't take up any more of your time. No, not so fast, now. 680 00:45:58,540 --> 00:46:01,980 You come all the way from England to see me, the least I can do for you is to 681 00:46:01,980 --> 00:46:04,240 invite you back to my mansion for a little, uh... 682 00:46:04,830 --> 00:46:07,690 Champagne by the pool and some sunbathing? 683 00:46:08,090 --> 00:46:09,350 Huh? What do you say? 684 00:46:09,610 --> 00:46:10,610 You're kidding. 685 00:46:11,050 --> 00:46:13,010 I never kid where sunbathing is concerned. 686 00:46:14,970 --> 00:46:15,990 What are we waiting for? 687 00:46:19,730 --> 00:46:22,250 What about your friend? 688 00:46:22,530 --> 00:46:23,850 We can't just leave her here. 689 00:46:24,510 --> 00:46:25,510 Oh, are we? 690 00:46:25,530 --> 00:46:28,410 We'll tell the bellboy to leave her with the rest of the old baggage till we get 691 00:46:28,410 --> 00:46:29,410 back. 692 00:46:33,110 --> 00:46:34,110 Thank you, Charles. 693 00:46:39,170 --> 00:46:42,290 Sharon. Yes, George. Make sure you get right in those toes here. 694 00:46:43,810 --> 00:46:44,810 Good girl. 695 00:46:44,970 --> 00:46:46,450 And, uh, Tracy. 696 00:46:46,810 --> 00:46:47,769 Coming, George. 697 00:46:47,770 --> 00:46:48,770 You missed a spot. 698 00:46:49,090 --> 00:46:50,090 Up a bit. 699 00:46:50,210 --> 00:46:51,250 Higher. Right there. 700 00:46:51,790 --> 00:46:52,790 That's it. 701 00:46:55,430 --> 00:46:56,450 Isn't this fun? 702 00:46:59,690 --> 00:47:00,810 They got back safe then? 703 00:47:01,670 --> 00:47:02,670 Right. 704 00:47:03,270 --> 00:47:04,310 So did you meet him? 705 00:47:05,610 --> 00:47:06,610 Really? 706 00:47:07,050 --> 00:47:08,050 So is he a... 707 00:47:09,759 --> 00:47:10,759 Oh, how's not? 708 00:47:12,120 --> 00:47:13,120 Oh, I'm sorry, Trace. 709 00:47:14,360 --> 00:47:15,360 You all right? 710 00:47:16,080 --> 00:47:17,080 Oh, good. 711 00:47:17,520 --> 00:47:19,220 Yeah, I'm disappointed for you, love. 712 00:47:21,000 --> 00:47:22,000 Yeah? 713 00:47:23,120 --> 00:47:24,620 Oh, yeah, of course I'll tell Chris. 714 00:47:25,680 --> 00:47:27,660 Yeah, I'm sure he'll be disappointed as well. 715 00:47:28,760 --> 00:47:30,700 In fact, I know I'll be very cut up. 716 00:47:37,140 --> 00:47:38,280 I'm sorry to bother you. 717 00:47:38,650 --> 00:47:41,870 I'm looking for number 58, the fisherman's birthday party. 718 00:47:43,250 --> 00:47:44,370 Mr Blair. 719 00:47:44,710 --> 00:47:47,530 Yes. So glad you made it. Oh, yes, but I... Come in. 720 00:47:51,290 --> 00:47:57,990 You know you may be, love you, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Darling, George 721 00:47:57,990 --> 00:48:00,810 Hamilton and I were like that. 722 00:48:01,070 --> 00:48:04,510 We were in his mansion, sipping the finest champagne. 723 00:48:04,970 --> 00:48:07,530 The man was obviously besotted with me. 724 00:48:08,120 --> 00:48:09,680 Couldn't keep the chance off me, so what's that then? 50625

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