Original subtitles

Excuse me. I'm looking for me aunt, Mrs. Sims. The bed just there. The one with

the curtains pulled round.

What? What's the matter with her?

Silk! Oi!

Shut the curtains! She's having a wee!

Sorry. I thought something had happened.

Something would have if you hadn't pulled me off.

What do we owe this honour?

How are you? I'm fed up.

Oh, ta.

Oh, you lost weight?

No, I thought not.

I hear the Queen's been up here today.

Yeah, we never got to see her, though. She came up to Bart's when I was in

with me. I never got to see her there, neither.

Never mind. You can still kid on to people that she's been to visit you

That's once more than you've managed.

I've been busy at the cafe.

Sylvie understands.

You eating all right, Phil? I don't like hospital food.

Well, that's what did for your Uncle Russell. He came in on a Thursday, had

cauliflower cheese for dinner, and the next morning he was gone.

Phil, he had a brain tumour.

Well, he'd had that for years.

Well, don't worry about it.

You should bring her in some sandwiches, Trace. Oh, should I?

How are you sleeping?

I can't get comfortable. I never seem to have enough of these pillars.

You want one of them special pillars what supports your neck.

Get her one, Trace.

Anything else?

Yeah, bring her in some extra blankets.

There ain't enough here to keep her warm.

What you really need is a man to give you a cuddle.

I'll bring her in one of them and all, shall I?

I'll be like that.

Trish, get me a big pen. I think I want to go now. Oh, hold on. I'll get a

nurse, Sylvia. I've trouble getting it under you.

Nurse, could you sort her out, please?

I want a word with you.

Why don't you come in here winding her up? There's nothing wrong with her food,

her pillows or her blankets.

She just complains for the sake of it.

Sylvie's never been one to complain for no reason.

Excuse me, Mrs.

Theodopoulosidis? No, that's me. Oh, sorry.

Not as sorry as I am.

Then you must be Mrs.

Stubbs. That's right.

Could I have a word with you both about Sylvie?

She's going to be all right, isn't she? Yes, her fracture's healing nicely.

It's her future that we're worried about.

We think this latest fall proves she's just too old to live on her own anymore.

So what does that mean?

Well, we can get her a place in the Maybury.

It's an old people's home near to where she lives.

No. We don't want her to go in a home, do we, Trace?

Well, no.

She can come live with us. We've got plenty of room.

Hold on!

It's either that or she goes into a home.

Nurse! I've tipped my bedpan up!

Right, Sylvie's room's all ready.

I'm going to be stuck in there until her leg gets better, so I'll give her

Garfield's portable telly.

We'll have to find somewhere else to hide his dirty books under.

Don't you go saying anything in front of him, embarrassing him.

Who, me?

Scrabble?

I suppose you didn't think I could play?

I didn't think you could read.

Where did this come from?

I dug it out the loft for Sylvie.

Remember all the games we used to play when we lived with her?

No.

No, you was too busy playing with Daryl.

Me and Sylvie used to play him all the time, either that or drafts. I remember

the drafts. That house was like an icebox.

The only warmth I ever felt in that place was when you wet the bed we had to

share.

Don't look like that.

I was 12 years old and I'd just lost me mum and dad.

God knows what would have happened to us if Sylvie hadn't taken us in.

You know, I'm quite looking forward to living with her again.

What? Four.

I see her every day at that hospital. You never.

Change the record, try. Because if you had, you'd know she's changed.

I mean, how often have we seen her since we stopped living with her? An hour's

visit, three or four times a year, a five -minute phone call every fortnight.

She's different, Cheryl. She's got old.

Old people can be very trying.

Yeah, you can, can't you?

I'm just not sure we've discussed this enough. There's no... thing to discuss.

ain't even had a chance to talk to Dale about it. Well, I shouldn't think he'll

worry. By the time he comes out, chances are she'll have passed on.

Yeah, but what if she hasn't?

We'll take her downstairs things and tip her off the pier.

Right, I'm off to college.

I hate the journey there. It's such a drag.

Now, if I was to buy myself a motorbike... Don't start that again.

Oh, why not?

I was thinking I could get one with part of my grant. Yeah, and what are you

going to live on for the rest of the term?

I've got my savings, and I can help out in the CAF occasionally.

I don't want you to get one. They're too dangerous, Gar.

He's not a baby.

I always wanted a bike.

A big Harley.

Yeah. Shut up, you. I'd be worried sick.

I won't get a minute's peace.

All right. All right. Forget it.

What time's Sylvia arriving?

Sometime this afternoon.

Tell me, Gar, do you have any worries about Sylvia coming to stay?

No. I always got on fine with her.

See? She caught me smoking one of Dad's cigarettes when I was 11 and she didn't

grasp. All in all, I'd say she was my favourite aunt.

Tracey, did I tell you what I found under Garfield's television?

Dust. Well, it was certainly filth. Yeah.

Garfield, here a minute.

What's that for?

Monkey.

Well, he don't seem too bothered about her coming to live. Well, he's not the

one who'll have to look after her. I had a cousin who took in an elderly

grandmother, and from the moment she arrived, her life wasn't her own. I'm

telling you.

You let yourself get in the grip of an OAP and it's goodbye freedom. Hello,

rubber sheets.

You horrible, artless mare.

I pity your old mum if she ever gets ill.

You'll have her in a home quicker than you can say Zimmer frame. Never.

Really? Really. Couldn't live with the guilt.

My mother could make the homeless feel guilty for having a cardboard box.

No, I know exactly what I'll do with her.

We'll build a self -contained granny flat and have her attended by 24 -hour

nursing care.

A good -looking male nurse, I suppose.

Haven't thought of that.

You've got no compassion.

All you're worried about is Sylvie and your conscience. And why are you

yourself with Sylvie?

Simply because you feel you owe her for taking you in when you were orphans.

No, it's not just that.

It's also because she's family.

And we love her. Well, I love my mother.

I just don't want to have to do it 24 hours a day.

She'll be her own self once she gets out of that hospital.

Maybe no bother with two of us to look after her. Oh, you do intend to help,

then? It goes without saying.

Most of your promises go without doing.

When we were little and our hamster was ill, I helped you look after him, didn't

I? Yeah, but why was he ill, shall?

Because you never fed him.

Tracy! Oh, give us a chance to get through the door. Hold on, Sylve!

How's she been?

Moaning. I wouldn't let her spell muesli with two O's.

Oh, she wants her elevenses.

Well, Sharon was supposed to get that before she went.

You wait till she gets back tonight.

You have a long wait. She rang to say she's going out straight from work.

Four days Sylvie's been here. One cup of tea she's made her. Tracy!

Oh, that voice goes right through you.

Mum, I've decided I am going to get a motorbike.

But Garth, you said you'd forget it.

I know, but I've been talking to Sylvie.

Sylvie! What does she know about motorbikes? She don't even know what

talking about.

Yesterday she tried to tell you she met Hitler hot -picking.

You weren't talking about motorbikes. We were just chatting in general.

You've got to do what you want while you can. Otherwise you end up old like her

and it's too late.

I'll be all right, Mum.

I'll be careful on it. I promise.

I've got to go.

See you later.

Tracy! I'm coming!

I'm here, Sylve.

Did you go to the library?

Read it.

Read it.

Read it.

Oh, well, that's no good. It's not big print.

Read it.

Well, now what am I going to do?

Well, go downstairs and get you some magazines. Oh, I don't like your

Haven't you got a copy of The Lady?

In this house?

How about psychic news?

No. I sensed you was going to say that.

I'll be glad when I get back to my own flat.

Syl, you can't go back to your own flat. You need looking after.

Oh, I'll be all right once this leg's better.

I'm picking up some very strange emanations from this room.

Has anyone died in here? Not yet.

of the butchers for me pigs' trotters.

Yeah, but I've got chicken today. You can have your trotters tomorrow.

Well, don't forget, before you cook them, you've got to shave between the

Yeah, yeah, you said.

I hear you've been chatting to Garthy. Yeah.

I was telling him about years ago.

Things I wished I'd done when I had the chance.

Like immigrating to Australia with our Margie.

Her and her husband ended up with a big house overlooking Sydney Harbour.

I stayed in Oxford and got shingles.

Oh, time goes so...

Quick, Trace.

One minute I'm making eyes at Americans for nylons and the next I'm asking the

doctor for surgical support stockings.

I told Garth, get out and enjoy yourself while you can. Yeah, and now he's going

to get himself a motorbike.

Oh, you don't want to let him do that. They're dangerous.

I know.

Well, fancy you encouraging him to get a motorbike. Oh, I didn't. Well, someone

else. You want to find out who it is, have a go at them.

Just forget it, Syl.

Where are you going?

To do your elevensies.

Hey, Tracey?

What? Can I have the paper?

Okay.

Tracey?

What, Syl? I've changed my mind about the paper. I'll have one of your

magazines. Okay.

Now, is there anything else?

No. You sure?

I'm positive.

Hey, Tracey?

Yes, Syl?

Well, there's no... to talk to me like that.

I'm sorry, what is it?

I forgot what I was going to say now.

Look, I'm going downstairs to get your magazine. If you remember what it is,

wait until I get back.

Please, don't shout again.

Tracey! Tracey, I've remembered!

That's the sort of thing I'm after, Mum. I'm not interested.

Sod off.

We was just having a little sing -song till two o 'clock this morning.

I spend all day running round after her. The only chance I get to rest is when

she's asleep.

So I don't appreciate you coming in at gone midnight and getting her brahms on

bottles of spat.

It was gone free before I could get back to sleep.

I slept like a log.

Because you was as smashed as she was.

I'll go and see what she wants.

The door was open.

I'm fed up.

Last night, Marcus and I were discussing your situation with Sylvie. And I just

happened to mention my plan for Mummy if she ever became infirm. You know, the

granny flat and the 24 -hour nursing care.

And he refused.

He said that he couldn't afford it.

And we could either put her into this Sunnyvale retirement home with his

Rachel because he'd get a discount for a group booking, or I would have to look

after her myself.

Morning door.

I never knew he could be so dictatorial.

And the annoying thing is, if I wasn't so mad, I'd be turned on as hell.

I said to him, I have to surround myself with young things to keep myself young.

If I had to look after Mummy, I'd become down, trodden and dowdy.

And what did he say to that?

Anything that means I spend less on clothes gets his vote.

I couldn't look after her.

I'm not cut out to be a carer. I'm rapidly coming to the same conclusion.

I think it'd be better all round if she went into an home, Cheryl.

Tracy! What does she want?

Just making sure we could hear her bell.

She's just too much for me.

You're exaggerating. I'm not.

I couldn't put her in a home, Tracy. It'd break her arm. Well, having my

to stay would severely cramp my style. She'd have to go into a home.

I suppose if I gave her a reasoned explanation, she'd understand.

Oh, you think so?

Yes.

All right.

Imagine I'm her.

Explain it to me.

No. You're biased.

And you don't think she might be?

Come on, doll.

If you can convince me, you can convince her.

All right.

Mummy. What already?

My mother is not Maureen Lipman.

It was a joke. Go on.

Mummy. Now, you know I love you and that's why I want the best for you.

At this awkward stage in your life, you need

to be surrounded by your contemporaries and receive professional care.

From people who can give you their undivided attention.

What you mean is you can't be bothered. That's not true.

Your happiness has always mattered to me.

Is that why you slept with my tennis coach when you knew full well that I was

seeing him?

You didn't.

I've been drinking.

I hated myself straight out of you cow. I told you that in strictest confidence.

You dare speak to your mother like that. That's not fair, Sharon.

My mother would never be so vicious as to dredge that up.

Wouldn't she?

After she's given you life, fed you, clothed you, supported you through

university, paid to have your moustache removed.

You're a dumper in a place where half the people sit at the dinner table

drooling, whilst the other half sit there filling their incontinence pads.

And the only fun is watching the sponge brains hoovering the lawn in their

underwear. I reckon she'll be damn right savage. You're being totally

unreasonable, Sharon.

A home wouldn't be that bad. Of course it wouldn't. I wish you'd look after

Sylvie just for one day, Sharon. You'd soon change her, too.

No, I wouldn't. Well, all right, then. Look after her today.

I can't. I've got to be at the cafe.

No, you haven't. I can skip college and run it. Yeah, and I can take the chance

to go and visit Daryl.

But he's not expecting you.

So? He's hardly going to be out, is he?

Go on, Sharon.

Off you go.

Thank you.

Doreen's not back from the chemist yet!

Give me strength.

It's only half past eleven, I'm already knackered.

There you are.

Thanks.

How's it going?

Fine. Don't know what Tracey's making us talk about.

Quasimodo's ringing her bell. Can you hear her?

You're not going to believe this, Dor.

That was Garfield on the phone.

There's some sort of crisis at the cafe.

What sort of crisis?

I don't know. He just mumbled something about a chip pain.

I've got to go down there.

What about Sylvie?

You can keep an eye on her for us, can't you? No!

Oh, she wants her bed sore cream.

the chemist yet?

Yes, I am, actually.

Oh, it's you.

I thought I sensed a strange aura.

Where's Sharon?

She had to go to the cafe. Some sort of crisis.

It's burning down, I hope.

Did you get the cream?

Yes.

There you are.

It's no good giving it to me. I can't reach to put it on. You were able to do

for me.

It was quieter.

Who took her bell?

It was either that or her life.

I can't believe you just walked out and left her.

I had to get away, Trace.

Now you know I wasn't exaggerating.

You know what really got to me?

It was remembering the way she used to be.

I mean, she used to be so active and such a laugh.

She was, weren't she, Trace? That ain't just me imagining it. No, she was.

At weddings, she was always the first one to flash her bloomers during the

-kokie.

Remember when I sat on that electric fire?

She had me over her shoulder and up that hospital for me, Navy blue, stop

smoking.

I've come to the conclusion that old age can be very sad.

Did she give you a lot of trouble, Dor?

I had to touch parts of her body.

I swore I would never touch on another woman.

Not only that, I had to empty her bedpan, listen to endless tales of

her youth.

And then shaved between the toes of a pig's trotter.

Sorry, doll.

It just confirmed my worst fears of old age and infirmity.

Just the thought of having to spend 24 hours a day in bed.

I thought that would be your idea of paradise.

Well, not when the highlights are bed bath.

And you can call me weak and selfish, but no amount of guilt is worth watching

my mother suffer such indignities. No, I've made up my mind.

If it comes to it, she's off to join Granny Rachel at Sunnyvale.

I hope I won't be getting any more argument from you about Sylvie going

home.

You sure it's not us, Trace? You sure we're not letting her down in some way?

I mean, she'll be all right once her leg gets better. She'll be a bit more

mobile. No, she won't. You heard what they said at the hospital. She's too old

to look after herself.

She's going to need constant attention right up until... she dies, to put it

bluntly.

She'll be better off in a home show, you know it.

All right.

Break it to her gently, won't you?

Me? You're closest to her.

You're the one chucking her out. I ain't chucking her out, we just agreed.

Then why don't you do it together?

Sylve.

Sylvie.

Oh, she's asleep.

Doesn't she look peaceful?

She is just asleep, isn't she?

Shut up, you.

Sylve, stop it. If she is just asleep and you wake her with a start, you could

give her a heart attack.

I can't see her chest moving.

I'll see if I can find a mirror.

What for?

I want a check for blackheads.

I'm going to see if she's still breathing.

Oh, I wish you'd keep them in a glass.

She's all right.

Oh, what a relief.

It would have been terrible if we'd been downstairs discussing about putting her

in a home and she'd been up here dying.

We are doing the right thing, aren't we, Trace? Look, we've decided now, Sharon.

Decided what?

Sylvie. You frightened the life out of me.

Oh, you shouldn't be so nervy. Sign of a guilty conscience.

What do you want? I was sound, though.

We came to have a chat.

Look, Sylve, you know the doctors at the hospital have said you can't live on

your own anymore.

I'll take no notice of them. Once me leg's better, I'll be all right back in

flat. You can't, Sylve. I'm not a kid, you know. I can look after meself. You

can't. You're too old. You need looking after.

Oh, I'm sorry, Sylvia. I didn't mean to shout.

Oh, it's all right.

I know you're right.

I know the doctors are right.

I'm just a silly old woman.

I suppose this means I've got to stay here.

Well... Of course you can stay here, Sylvia. As long as you like.

Yeah. They wanted to put you in a home, but we said no.

What home?

The one near you, the Mabry or Samick.

Don't you think it would have been nice to have asked me what I thought before

you go making decisions about my life?

Well, we just assumed that you'd... Well, you shouldn't have done.

I've been angling for months to get into the Mayberry.

Look, is it too late? Have I missed my chance?

No, I don't think so. The hospital said they'd keep your place open.

Well, get on the phone. Tell them yes.

Well, wouldn't you rather live here with us?

No, or me mate... are in the Maybury. They know how to enjoy themselves there.

They have outings, sing songs every night, bingo twice a week. I could

my own seances.

I'd be in me element.

I don't want to be rude, girls, but it's bloody boring here.

I've never thought about me growing old before.

Well, you don't think about it, do you?

Does it worry you, old age?

There's a point in worrying about it.

True.

It's like getting a cold sore just before a big date.

No matter what you do, it's bound to happen.

I'm eating a biscuit.

Garfield's right about making the most of your youth, though.

I mean, look at Dorian.

She enjoys a different one every week.

I'm quite looking forward to old age.

Daryl and the grandchildren.

Yeah, but it's different for you.

You've got family to grow old with.

You've got Chris.

That's it. Depressed me even more.

I can just imagine what he'll be like when he's old.

Yeah, dirty old man over the park watching the girls play netball.

He'd do that now.

No, he'll be up the front of one of them strip clubs fiddling under his mac.

You're only 32, Shell. There's plenty of time for you to meet someone else.

By the time you're drawing your pension, you could be married to a millionaire

or be Prince Andrew's fourth wife.

I've got more chance of being Prince Edward's first.

No.

I'll probably end up on my own.

Oh, you'll never be on your own. You'll always have me.

Does that mean I can come and live with you and Daryl? Certainly not.

But I'll ring you regular.

Is that you, Garth?

Yeah, all right.

You're late.

I had something to do.

Want a cup of tea?

Please. Good, make me another one while you're out there.

Aunt Sylvie's leaving. She's going into her home.

How's she taking it?

Well, if you listen closely, you can hear the sound of champagne corks

It was her idea.

After all we've done for her.

After all you've done for her.

Oh, you got your bike then?

Yeah. He got his bike trace.

Yippee. Going to take me out for a spin?

I can't. I've only got a provisional licence.

Oh. Well, let's have a look at it then.

It'll upset Mum.

She's got to see it sometime.

I've put it in the garage now.

Well, have a look at it in there.

Vroom!

Vroom, vroom, vroom!

Oh, yes, Garthy.

Very leader of the pack.

Sold out of C5s, were they?

I couldn't afford anything bigger.

Well, it still looks very dangerous to me.

Trace, you'd get up more speed on a skateboard.

That's it.

Where are you going? I'm taking it back.

Well, don't take no notice of me. No, you're right.

It's not what I want.

And if I get this much stick from you, they'll slaughter me at college.

I'll wait till I can get something more powerful.

Like an egg whisk.

Here, Garthy.

No burn -ups with them electric wheelchairs. Do you hear?

I don't remember that hand signal from the highway code.