Original subtitles

Hey, Bella.

Pepper, I'm thinking of doing something that you're going to love me doing if I

do it. Bella, I have no idea what it is, but now I'm so excited. I hope it lives

up to the hype.

I'm thinking of entering the Young Ladies of Silverado Beauty Pageant.

So it lives up to the hype.

Yay, hooray for superficial pageants that are a waste of time.

Give me one good reason why you want to do that.

I'll give you $10 ,000.

That's how much scholarship money the winner gets.

That could really help with your college fund.

The winner still gets a sparkly tiara, right?

So pretty.

There's only one problem. I need a member of the Silverado Country Club to

sponsor me, but I don't know anyone who's that fancy.

Oh, hey, Newt. Don't look at my hair.

My stepmom, Brenda, insisted on driving the Ferrari with the top down.

Apparently, she likes to be seen.

Big surprise.

Wait, Newt. Your family belongs to the Country Club, don't they?

Yeah, you have to eat foie gras with the vice president somewhere, am I right?

Yeah.

Anyway, do you think your dad could sponsor me in the Young Ladies of

pageant? I know I'm going to regret saying this, but I can ask Brenda. She

follows every pageant in Texas.

In fact, she was Junior Miss West Southeast Texas five years in a row.

Wow, that's impressive.

Especially since you can only enter three times.

Don't ask me how she did that

got good news and bad news.

Brenda has agreed to sponsor you in the pageant. That's great!

What's the bad news?

Hey, honey!

Your new pageant coach is here!

That is the bad news.

I'm Brenda Jean, and you must be Bella Ann. Hi, Brenda Jean. It's nice to meet

you. And actually, it's just Bella.

Honey, pageant winners always have two first names.

You know who said that?

Five -time winner, Brenda Jean Mandereau.

There it is.

Now, before we get started, I need to get my beauty supplies from the car. Oh,

don't worry. I have my makeup bag right here.

Oh, isn't that perfect for a baby?

Well, she's a bit much.

Newt, I thought you said your stepmom was going to sponsor me, not coach me.

That's Brenda for you. She always makes everything about herself.

She has no regard for anyone's thoughts or feelings or how they color code their

closet. It goes Kelly green, Forest green, then Army green. How hard is

Oh, come on. She can't be that bad.

Here we go.

Three makeup cases, 20 feet of hair extensions, and one coat. She was

being mistaken for new, slightly older sister. So embarrassing.

spray tan tint. Never mind, I'm gonna scout it out.

Yep, she's a handful.

Well, good luck with that.

Newt, wait.

If I'm gonna win this scholarship, I might need your help with Brenda.

Final day.

You'd never survive without a Brenda buffer.

Thanks, Newt. I really appreciate it.

Is there anything I can do to prepare?

Do you prepare for a shark attack?

No. You just swim as fast as you can and pray your dad doesn't marry it.

Ugh, yesterday's practice was bananas.

I'm still feeling it.

Tell me about it. My cheer sets are burning.

Well, I guess I'm surprised for being an athlete.

What?

That's funny.

Oh, you called yourself athletes.

Yeah, it's not like cheerleading is a real sport like football.

You know what I'm saying?

No.

Cheerleaders have the flexibility of a gymnast and the strength of a

powerlifter. Right. It must be so hard to wave pom -poms or spell out those big

words like go and team and go.

I bet you two couldn't make it through one cheer routine.

Oh, really?

My associate and I will take that bet. Yep. And when we win, you'll have to

admit that cheerleading is nothing but a sweaty spelling bee with pom -poms. And

when you lose?

If we lose.

We'll wear those goofy male cheer uniforms and look like doofuses for a

day. Okay. It's a bet. Meet us in the gym after cheer practice tomorrow.

Oh, oh, we will.

And you'll be embarrassed.

B -E, embarrassed. B -E -E -M -B -A -R -R -R -E.

Spray Tintin is all set up in your bedroom. You can sleep on the floor,

Um... Okay, first up, know your opponent.

These girls prepare their whole lives for pageant.

Oh, they all look amazing.

And this girl is playing Beethoven on water glasses.

I'm not even sure Beethoven could have done that.

And look at this one.

She's so beautiful and poised.

Wait.

Is that you?

What?

Oh, it is!

That is me winning Junior Miss West Southeast Texas for the fifth time!

So embarrassing!

How did I get in there?

We may never know.

I don't know about this.

How am I supposed to compete with girls like that? They've been doing this

forever, and I only have a couple days.

this video isn't showing you is that I was just as nervous as you are now

every pageant.

But I still stuck with it.

And trust me, if you're half as strong as Newt says you are, you'll be a

contender in no time. Cross my heart. Hope to die my roots.

Thanks, Brenda.

That helps a lot.

Now, first, we're going to work on your posture.

I'll go to the car and grab the balancing books. Let's start easy.

Three battles should do it.

How?

Brenda's pep talk was surprisingly... mother -ish?

It kind of was.

Maybe you misjudged her?

Maybe I did.

You know what?

I'm going to tell my dad I was wrong.

Brenda does deserve her own house key.

All right, guys, good practice.

Same time tomorrow.

Oh, look, Troy. Let's see if you can get some pointers on how to stand in line

and wave shiny strips of paper.

Hey, guys. Here's the routine you have to learn by Friday.

If I were you, I'd start practicing.

Yesterday.

Practice?

Please. We've seen you toss and tumble a million times.

Interesting. Tell me, then.

In the Swedish ball, which one used the base and which one used the flyer?

I'm the base.

What we mean is... Our routine has two bases.

Two. Two.

I can't wait to see them in those outfits when they lose.

Good luck.

Two bases.

Ridiculous.

Uh, okay. Let's, uh, start with the Swedish Falls.

Okay. Yeah. Okay.

Mm -hmm. Oh, I don't like that. All right. All right.

Maybe you lift me. Yeah. Okay. All right.

Maybe you should try the hips.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay. Ready?

One, two, three.

Okay.

All right. Shake it off. Shake it off.

We'll get this, right? We're real athletes. Okay.

But maybe we should practice for a couple hours.

Or all night.

That too.

Thanks. Do I have to fill out all these forms? I mean, why do they need my blood

type? It's a Texas beauty pageant. Last year, I took a high heel to the foot and

lost a pants.

Excuse me, Ms. Delphin.

There's a fancy mistake on your form.

You listed football as your talent.

Oh, that's no mistake.

I'm high school's quarterback, so I'm planning a football presentation.

Oh, well, we have a list of approved talents for young ladies.

And trust me, football is hardly ladylike.

Not ladylike?

Well, I disagree.

Excuse us for one second, Carol Lee.

Can you believe she said that?

I'm a young lady and I love football. That's my talent.

Oh, when you told me that, I thought you were joking.

comedy honey i know you love football we all do but we gotta stick to the rules

and that's what i am your pageant coach and i wouldn't steer you wrong you need

to trust me you want to win that scholarship money right and no football

branditine bandero you are my

I can't believe the pageant won't let me perform my football talent.

I mean, winning that scholarship would be great, but how can I pretend to be

someone I'm not?

Woo! You can pretend to be me.

I've always wanted to win a tiara.

Oh, so pretty.

I don't know why we're still debating this. It's obvious what you have to do.

is? Yep.

You tell off the judges and bulldoze the pageant into a pile of hypocrisy and

hair extensions.

I'm not to bulldoze anything.

But I can't be someone I'm not.

I'm dropping out of the pageant. Good choice.

I'm proud of you, Bella.

I don't think Pepper agrees with you, though.

So pretty.

Okay, sweetie, give me this. Don't you touch it.

when Troy and Thor are supposed to show us their cheer routine.

Figured. I knew they wouldn't make it.

What about now?

You're about to be amazed by the cheer styling of Troy and Thor.

The cheer boy.

Five, six, seven.

All day, every day, I will wait just for you.

I will wait just for you. Big time.

Pepper?

What is happening?

They actually look kind of... good.

Remember, bro?

Do it with passion. Or not at all.

Ready? Three.

Goofy cheer outfit, please.

Oh, my cutie. I'm a medium.

Relax, tackle dummies. We're not making you go through with the bet.

You're not?

No. We just wanted you to realize cheerleading is a real sport.

And we deserve to be treated like the athletes we are.

Yeah. We support every sport.

But nobody ever supports us.

Come on, Sophie.

almost blinded two of the judges.

How embarrassing.

Oh, hey there, sweetie.

Hi, Brenda.

Do you mind if I borrow Newt for a sec?

Oh, y 'all go ahead and chat. I'm going to go stock up on some of those little

ketchup packets.

We need some for the kitchenette and the yacht, you know.

I think she might be a kleptomaniac, but hey, we all have our flaws.

Listen, about the pageant... Isn't it great? This pageant is actually bringing

Brenda and I closer together.

I'm starting to see her more as a reasonably mother -like figure and less

continually uninvited house guest.

And all thanks to you.

Wow. Sounds like this pageant is an even bigger deal for you than it is for me.

That's what my therapist says.

So, what did you want to tell me about the pageant?

Can't wait to figure out my pageant talent.

Don't you worry, honey.

Mama's already figured it out.

You're gonna twirl, girl.

Yay!

Baton twirling!

You can thank me in your victory speech. Just kidding. You don't have to, but

you should.

All right, girls.

We've been training... for this cheer meet all week.

Let's make this crowd remember our name.

Go Sophie and Pepper!

Pepper,

what is happening?

What? You guys said no one ever supports cheerleading.

So we are here as the official cheerleaders for cheerleading. Go

That's super sweet of you guys.

And you're rocking those outfits.

That's our cue. We're on.

Okay, remember, point your toes.

And do it with passion or not at all.

Oh,

so that's a base.

Man, we were way off.

The question was, who designed your dress?

But wasn't that inspiring?

Bella, good news.

Brenda's texting me from the crowd. She's been peeking over the judge's

shoulders all night, and you're in the lead.

All you need is a decent score in the talent portion, and you're going to win.

Yeah, my talent.

Bella, is everything okay?

Just a little nervous.

No, I've seen you nervous before tons of games.

You always do that gross thing where you chew on your hair.

What's really wrong?

Oh, it's nothing.

It's just that... Bella?

I wanted to show off my football talent, but the judge said it wasn't ladylike,

and Brenda agreed, but I couldn't drop out because you and Brenda were bonding,

and if I did, your home life would be broken forever.

Whoa. That was a clear and concise summary of all your emotional turmoil.

Sorry, Newt. I don't think I can go through with it.

I'm not a baton twirler, and I can't be something I'm not.

I would never ask you to, Bella.

I mean, sure, I've enjoyed getting along with Brenda for once, but if she can't

handle my friend being herself, then maybe she doesn't deserve that house

Thanks, Newt.

I just wish there was something I could do instead of dropping out.

You know, there's still 30 minutes before you go on.

Let's show them the real Bella. The glitz and the grit.

How? Do you still have your original presentation stuff?

A dozen half -full water glasses?

Musical and optimistic.

And now, for the dazzling baton work of Bella Ann Dawson.

Hi, y 'all. My name is Bella Dawson, and I was supposed to baton troll for you

today, but that's not who I am.

This is.

Well,

it does make you disqualified.

I knew you would disqualify me, but I don't regret a thing.

Well, I regret it.

I regret ever letting Bella enter this pageant.

Next one.

We have forgotten what pageants are all about.

Showing your best self.

Well, this young lady here just showed you her football -slinging, silver -boot

-wearing best self.

I'm sorry I didn't see that earlier, Bella.

And you know what?

I've decided I'm going to start my own pageant where girls can be who they

really are.

Well, good luck finding contestants.

I'm in. I hate musical glasses.

I wanted to recite Pi to 100 digits.

There you go, Amanda Jane.

And I want to play a guitar solo.

With my teeth.

I would love to see that in my new pageant.

What do you say, girls? Who's with me?

Brenda,

that was amazing.

Thank you.

Yeah, not bad.

Stepmom. Oh, you called me mom.

Actually, I said stepmom. Mom, I know.

So, Newt, things feel good with you and Brenda?

I guess you could say that.

Nudie, nudie, nudie. What up, friend dog?

Listen, all this pageant talk has inspired me to get back in the game. I

Mrs. West Southeast Texas Second Wife Edition.

Wow. There really is a pageant for everything in Texas.

You're going to crush it, Brenda.

We're going to crush it. I entered you, too.

I'm sorry, who?

There's a mother -son talent performance, and I thought we'd do some

tricks. Who's ready?

This might take a while.

Hi, Ira.

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