Original subtitles

You done with that?

I am now.

What the heck is wrong with you? My pregnant mom has been eating everything

the house, so there's nothing left for me.

Would you judge me if I drink this ketchup?

Aw, sweetie.

Yes.

Ooh, look, it's Charlie. Did you finally decide to choose him over Zach? I

haven't chosen anything.

Hi, Charlie.

Hey, Bella. My mom just sent me in to grab our takeout. You know what? You two

talk. I'll go check your order to make sure nothing's missing.

I'll go make sure she's not the reason something's missing.

So, I got that email you sent me, but I couldn't open the pictures.

Oh, I just wanted your opinion on which pose would be the best profile picture

for my Clickbait page.

Here, I'll show you.

First one I call Deep in Thought.

Then there's Flirty Wing.

last one, which is a bit unconventional.

Cute startled.

So, which one do you like?

I don't know. In each picture, you look amazing in a different way.

Aw, that's so sweet.

Indecisive, but so sweet.

Look at her.

She's totally giggle flirting.

She's gonna pick Charlie.

You owe me five bucks. No way.

The bet's not over.

She could still pick Zach. I mean, he did save her butt at the homecoming

Hey, here's the food.

Thanks, girls.

Bye, Bella.

Are you eating Charlie's takeout?

He won't miss it.

So, Bella, you and Charlie, huh?

Yeah, he's great.

Although... You still like Zach, don't you? Yeah, kinda.

I knew it! You're gonna owe me five bucks, Pepper.

You guys bet on me?

And it was only five bucks?

it's going to be mine because Bella is going to pick Charlie. He has a

symmetrical face.

When nature gives you a gift like that, you take it.

Oh, please.

That's every bit as cute as Charlie. Guys, stop.

I like two boys. I don't have to make a decision right this minute.

What's the rush?

I told you she'd never decide.

Pay up.

We'll be right back.

We'll be right

back.

Listen up, kids.

Our bus is ready to take us on our field trip to Old Silverado.

Quick reminder, a few other schools are also participating in Living History

today, so please, be on our best behavior.

Or, as they said in the 1850s, no tomfoolery!

All right, well, let's head back in time.

This field trip is going to be the perfect distraction from the Zach

debate.

I'm not looking forward to wearing those old -timey costumes.

We're going to look so stupid.

Come on. We can make 1850 look good.

I was wrong.

We look like the curtains in my grandma's house.

Now, part of immersing yourself in the past is ignoring your futuristic

If you are caught using a phone or any other electronics, the sheriff, that's

me, will take them and you will be punished 1850 style.

What if I listen to an MP3, but it's a Pioneer song?

And new.

Moving on.

Now it's time to assign the historical roles.

Now, since Sawyer... is the spitting image of our town's brave founder and

America's premier tumbleweed painter. He will play Jonas Silverado. Woo!

Star and roll.

And to play his caring, devoted wife, Abigail, um...

Sophie. Yippee -ki -yay!

Ooh, who am I?

Ah, your cousin Carol.

Yeah, you took ill with cholera in the 1840s and were never quite the same.

Oh. All right, the rest of you, follow me to the blacksmiths.

Ooh, I got a message from Charlie.

Hey, Bella. It was good running into you yesterday.

Every time that I see you, I can't stop thinking about you.

So, I was wondering...

Will you be my girlfriend?

There, I said it.

Okay, bye -bye.

O -M -G.

The girlfriend question.

This is huge!

It is.

It's amazing.

And confusing.

I also like Zach.

What do I do?

Well, I mean, you might as well choose Zach. Okay, if you want five bucks, I

will give you five bucks.

Somebody looks nice.

Is that an Angora sweater?

Yep. It's Asha's birthday today, and she likes a man with hair on his chest.

Sadly, this is as close as I could get.

I'm getting ready to deliver her present.

Ooh, what'd you get her?

A gift card to Starcade. Ooh, no, no, no.

You can't get her a gift card. I mean, on your first day, you took her out in a

limo. You can't just take her to some pizza place.

That's a step back.

The Asha's not into all that fancy stuff. And she likes the Starrcade.

I like toast, but I don't want it for my birthday, man.

Step it up, okay? A romantic guy like you can do so much better.

I don't know.

Look, I just... Pepper, we need to take an opinion on something.

For Asha's birthday, Newt could go with a gift card or... Or. Just go with or.

Any or is better than a gift card.

But I thought a gift card was... Oh, sweet nightly first -time boyfriend.

Birthdays are the ultimate boyfriend test.

If you mess this up, she'll dump you faster than Niecy Johnson dumped Troy.

What? Hold up. We're not talking about Troy. We're talking about Newt.

But Asha's birthday is today. I don't have time to get her a new gift. Newt,

you don't have a choice.

Troy and I can help you come up with ideas.

Yeah, don't worry. We'll find something perfect for Asha.

Really? That's so nice of you guys.

No problem.

We can go to lunch and brainstorm.

Sounds good. And you can take us to the Stargate.

Does this mean I'm paying for it?

Well, you do have that gift card, so...

Hey, Abby.

Holler when the cabin is clean, the kids are fed, and my supper is ready. I'll

be on the porch painting a tumbleweed.

You know what's worse than being the wife of a lazy husband?

Being the mother of 13 children.

And even my mom would be like, whoa, Abby, slow down.

Anyway, what's with the chalkboard?

I'm making tulips.

Reasons I like Charlie and reasons I like Zach.

For instance, Zach is super funny, so point for Zach.

And Charlie tries to be super funny, which is actually super sweet, so point

Charlie.

I'm never going to figure this out.

I'm sure you'll make the right choice.

Now, it's time for baby Jebediah's bath.

In the creek.

You know, as if he's real.

Bella? Zach, hi.

What are you doing here?

My school's over in the barn milking cows.

You know, I always thought our locker room was the worst smell in the world.

Man, was I wrong.

Anyway, I'm supposed to deliver this cream for butter churning.

Thanks.

Hey, so I just wanted to say I'm sorry about what happened at homecoming.

No big deal. You know, you and Charlie make a great couple.

Wait. Really?

Me and him?

Yeah, you guys seem good together.

Oh, okay.

Thanks.

All right,

well, I better get back to the milk and bar and that's Bessie's where you at,

Moo.

Honestly, I have no idea what she's saying. She's a cow.

Okay, how about for Asha's birthday we get her a go -kart that looks like a

tank?

like a boy gift.

Not true. See, the cannon is pink.

Troy, I appreciate the help, but Asha's birthday is today.

Nothing we order would get here in time. Look, everything I've shown you has

same -day delivery.

I know it's pricey, but spending money on something extravagant but useless is

the best way to show you care, man.

What's your credit card number?

Ignore him.

Gifts don't have to be expensive.

For instance, I would be thrilled if a guy wrote me a poem.

Or publicly declared his love for me from a mountaintop by yodeling.

Yeah,

that's a bit much.

Wait a minute.

Maybe there's a way to combine both of our ideas into one super gift.

Something fancy and romantic.

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Or, check it. We could get her an albino chinchilla.

Cute and... And expensive.

Pepper, you were saying?

Yeah.

Husband.

I just like this water all the way from the creek. Can I get a hand with some of

these chores?

Ari, I'm busy.

I just had to paint my missing tumbleweed from memory.

That looks like a rock.

My next painting's gonna be on my new wife.

Is she gonna be a rock, too?

Sophie, I gotta tell you what just happened. Walk with me. I gotta put

Diet down for his nap.

I just told

Zach, and he thinks Charlie and I are a perfect couple.

Whoa. Are you okay with that?

Well, yeah.

He just made my decision a lot easier.

I mean, I like both of them, but if Zach doesn't like me... Then Charlie's the

guy? Exactly.

I'm going to be his girlfriend.

I'm so happy for you. It's worth the five bucks.

But you're still going to give me the five bucks, right?

I'm going to text him now.

Cousin Carol!

What did I say about the use of electronic devices?

Please, Mr. Savage, I just need this in one text.

If I don't, Charlie will think I said no and never talk to me again.

I'm sorry, but it's 1850.

Boy drama hasn't been invented yet.

Neither has toilet paper.

I've been using leaves.

You were warned about using your phone, Miss Dawson. So in accordance with 19th

century law, this is your punishment.

I'm going to be punished. Shouldn't I at least get to commit the crime first?

Actually, back in 1850, you're pretty much guilty until proven innocent.

Oh, those were the days.

I will let you out in a half an hour.

Sausage and biscuits.

Sausage and biscuits.

Those are the two dirtiest words in the 1850s. Congratulations.

You just earned another hour.

Okay,

Asha, see you.

the better for you. What's going on? I have claws and...

Asha, baby.

I want everyone here to know how very special you are.

A is for Australia, because that is where you're from.

S is for how sweet you are, my little honey bun.

H is for your heart, which grows bigger every day. And A is for amazing in every

single way.

Newt, what are you doing?

I'm showing you how much I care, which is why I got you this expensive

extravagant gift.

Happy birthday to my Aussie dream bae.

I need cigar.

actor. I don't understand.

If a boy did that for me, we'd be eloping in Cancun.

Yeah. I mean, Niecy Johnson would have been all over that.

As a matter of fact.

Hey, man, you seen Niecy?

But it's not fair, Mr. Savage. He gets to kick back while I do all the chores.

I'm sorry. Sorry, Sophie, but historically speaking, men didn't do

housework in 1850.

Well, then I want to be the man.

How about I play Jonas Silverado and Sawyer can be Abigail?

Excuse me?

It would give us a chance to see history from a different perspective.

Okay, Sophie, let's do it. You and Sawyer, switch roles.

Yes!

I'm the man now.

What is happening?

Get to work, woman.

You got busted too, huh?

Hey, Zach.

What are you in for?

My teacher busts me for playing a video game.

What'd you do?

Drop a train?

Shoot the sheriff?

Punch a cow?

I tried using my phone.

Serious? Boy, I thought I was bad. You're a real outlaw.

It is serious. I have a really important text to send to my... cousin.

You know, I know how to get your mind off that phone problem. How about we

some I Spy?

Sorry, Zach, I'm not in the mood.

Okay, I get that, but you're going to like this one.

I spy with my little eye something that will haunt my dreams forever.

Sawyer?

Don't say a word.

Bummer about your phone. If we had it, you could take a picture of Sawyer and

post it on ClickPic.

I've actually been trying to decide on a new profile pic.

Too bad the photos are on my phone, otherwise I'd show you.

Show me anyway. Just stack them out.

Okay.

The first one I called deep in thought.

Then there's flirty wink.

And finally the wild card, cute startled.

So which one's your favorite?

Well, deep in thought, kind of looked like you ate a bad burrito.

Flirty wink, looked like you had a bug in your eye.

And cute startled, looked like you were about to get eaten by a zombie.

Bella, you already have a great smile. Why don't you just do that?

There you go.

Maybe we should play another round of I Spy.

I spy with my little eye.

Sawyer again.

It never gets old.

Sawyer, where's your baby?

Now I left Jebediah in the creek.

I'm a terrible mother.

Sorry we messed things up with Asha, but we think we have a solution.

We've written an apology note on super advanced stationery.

I should have trusted my own instincts.

I'm going to do this by myself.

Asha, I'm sorry.

I listened to some bad advice and things got a little out of hand.

Yeah, a little.

Anyway, this was my original gift.

I know it's not much and it's not that fancy, but I thought you... I love the

stockade. It's where I've had all my favorite moments together.

Like the time you stuck fries up your nose like a walrus.

I was actually trying to stop a nosebleed, but thank you.

I'm sorry I ran out earlier.

Grand gestures make me uncomfortable.

I like the small things we do together.

I'll try to remember that.

But I did kind of like the deep voice.

Oh, did you now?

No, how did Niecy like the necklace?

Oh, she didn't.

Sorry. It's okay.

Kimberly did.

Rock -a -bye, baby, on the treetop.

When the wind blows, the cradle will rock.

Oh, hey!

I just came back from a long, hard day of painting a tumbleweed.

Looks great, doesn't it?

Sophie, my arms are burning from all this churning. My bloomers are rotting

And the womenfolk around here say hurtful, hurtful things.

Please help me.

Oh, gosh, I would.

But I don't have to. I love being the man of the house.

Silverado family, gather round. I have some very sad news.

On August 31st, 1850, Abigail became ill.

I did?

Yes. She came down with consumption.

Abigail was bedridden. So Jonas tended to her and took on all the household

duties.

Oh, no.

Oh, and a book, please.

You're a good man, Jonas.

Mr. Savage, how much longer is she going to live?

Hummingbird. Eagle.

Pterodactyl.

Do it when he sees a spider.

Yes!

See? I told you charades would work in the stock.

Who knew getting in trouble could be this much fun?

Yeah, you know, I always have a lot of fun hanging out with you.

You know what?

I do, too.

I just, you know, hope I helped get your mind off that text you needed to send

to your cousin. What cousin?

Oh, right!

You did.

You really did.

Uh -oh, my teacher's looking this way.

So what?

Look, I lied. I wasn't actually punished.

If she sees me here, I'm going to bail.

Wait, then why did you put yourself in this dock?

I saw you get locked up and thought you might need someone to hang out with.

Really?

Also, I hate the smell of cows.

Bye, Bella.

All right, Ms. Dawson, time to head back to school.

Oh. Oh, and here?

I know how much you want to get back to your boy drama. Yeah, thanks.

Hey, you!

That's not what those leaves are for.

Finally!

This day is over and I am no longer Sawyer's wife slash husband.

Oh, I got my phone back.

Did you text Charlie that you want to be his girlfriend?

No. I told him he's a really great guy, but it's not going to work out.

Whoa.

What changed your mind?

I realized I had a way better time today with Zach than I've ever had with

Charlie.

Well, it sounds like you made the right choice.

And not just because it makes me $5 richer.

But seriously, what are you going to pay me? I want to buy a tumbleweed from the

gift shop.

Oh, never mind.

Wait, why do you need a tumbleweed?

That is none of your business.

I'll have chicken fingers and a mango smoothie.

And for you?

Check it.

I'll have two corn dogs, a side of curly fries with sweet potato, not regular.

And we want lots of hot sauce all up in here.

Whatever.

I just love that deep voice, Newt.

Oh, don't worry, baby. There's more where that came from.

That was cool, baby.

Very cool.