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Ladies, gentlemen, and assorted stuffed animals, welcome to the annual Bulldogs
team banquet and roast.
I don't know if I'm comfortable doing this.
Bella, look, I know you don't like making fun of people, all right? But the
looks forward to this roast every year. And as QB, your job is to insult the
team, and your jokes need to be on point.
Trust me, I did it last year, and I killed.
Okay, I got this.
All right, now remember, don't hold back.
Okay.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Bulldogs boo.
Bulldogs boo who?
Why are you crying, Bulldogs? Can't you handle my rocket -fast passes?
Shabuya.
Oh,
what's that, sugar cube? If you had legs, you'd leave the room?
I feel ya.
Bella, look, it needs to be meaner and more personal.
Really? I don't want anyone to take it the wrong way. They won't. That's the
whole point of a roast.
It's your chance to say anything and everything you've been thinking about
team. There have to be some things you've thought, but haven't said out
Well, there may be a few things.
I started a journal when I joined the team.
That's just since you joined the team?
That's just since last month.
Oh, I have to see that. No, I don't think you want to. It's pretty Troy
All right, but I'm an expert at this. Just want to make sure you look good by
making us look bad.
I can handle this.
Oh, yeah, I can handle this.
No.
When I joined the football team, I was worried that I wasn't man enough.
Then I walked in on you guys dancing to the girliest pop song ever, and I
realized... I may not be woman enough.
That's what I'm talking about.
She got you guys.
What are you laughing at, coach?
It was your CD.
Newt, good news, buddy. I talked to Sophie and she's finally willing to go
with you. Here are a few dates she has open.
The 12th of never.
The day you wake up as Harry Styles.
Oh, and when pigs fly.
Claire has a pig and I have a zip line, so brunch.
And where's the Troy? Is he listening or just staring into a shiny spoon to see
how good he looks?
What? Oh, you got me.
Seriously, have you been to this arcade with this guy? He tells you where to
sit, what to order, and what compliments to give him. No, it's true. It's true.
Last week, he told me to order a large pepperoni pizza and compliment his
chewing skills.
We got you, bruh.
Seriously? I don't even know you, bruh. Back up.
All right, guys. Very funny. Let's leave the jokes to Bella.
Who's next? No! Do more Troy jokes.
Wait,
okay. Serious question. Does anyone smell something funky?
Oh, wait.
It's Sawyer's gym lock.
I hope that necklace doubles as a flea collar.
Okay, boys, that's all the time I've got. QB out.
How great was that?
Yeah, it was, um, mean.
But in a good way.
Funny, I guess.
I'll see you later.
Party punching?
Oh, heck no.
Hey, Sophie, I love your shirt. Who's this guy?
Oh, this is Tanner. He's in my after -school karate class.
What's up, brah?
Are we bras?
Anyway, I have to go. See you at 4 o 'clock, Tanner.
Oh, so, brah, I was working at Steakie's during the rose.
around Sophie so much, I figured you guys were going out, but then I heard
say that you've been turned down more times than a bed at the Silverado Inn.
That joke was well -constructed.
But what's your point?
I just wanted to check.
Sophie's definitely not your girlfriend, right?
Well, at the moment, no, but I'm on my way to pick up a pig who's not afraid of
heights, so... Okay, good to know you're not together, because I'm gonna ask her
out at karate class.
Later, brah.
Oh, that is not happening, brah. What was that?
Uh, I, uh, I said, you are so happening, brah.
Right back at you.
Oh,
hey, Bella.
Look, I was up all night thinking about your roast.
Great, don't tell me you have a problem with it, too. No, you were the roaster.
You were just doing your job.
But... The other guys took it too far.
I thought you said the roast was supposed to be all in good fun.
Yeah, well, that was before they so rudely accused me of being bossy. I am
bossy. They just need me to tell them what to do.
All the time.
Well, you know what?
Let's see how they do on their own.
Hey, Pepper.
Did I say something wrong?
Was it that flea collar line?
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to roast you, too.
It wasn't that.
It was some of the stuff he said about Sawyer. I mean... Why'd you have to
exaggerate so much?
Exaggerate? His locker really is kind of disgusting.
Are you sure?
That doesn't sound like Sawyer. I'm telling you, if you saw it, you would
understand.
Actually, let me show you. Oh, come on. My pizza!
Don't worry, I'm sure there's some in his locker.
Goal!
Now I'm bored.
Troy, what should we do? Well, I was thinking, and maybe you guys are right.
Maybe I am too bossy.
So perhaps we should let someone else make a choice. Ricky, Luis, how about
Paint a plate!
Paint a plate? Please. My grandma goes there with all her old lady friends and
all their old lady smells.
Now, now, now, guys. I'm sure everyone will love it.
Okay.
Or hate it.
I didn't notice more than just... I would have actually gone to my grandma's
birthday parties. Come on, it wasn't that good.
Are you kidding?
It was the best.
My only limit was my imagination.
See? Even quiet Chris Black did.
So, what's your due tomorrow, team leaders?
Uh, you sure you don't want me to pick?
Make a mo -
It's Mr. Kramer. And why are you dressed like a ninja?
I just signed up for the class today and all I had to wear was my old Halloween
costume. Mr. Kramer.
Okay, please stop bowing.
You'll pair with Chloe.
Hi,
I'm nude.
Why didn't you counter me?
I'm a pacifist.
So listen, Soph, I've been meaning to ask you something. Hi -ya!
That's karate for what's up, dogs.
What are you doing here?
Oh, you know, I've always been a patron of the martial arts.
Newt, I'm with Tanner. I'm not going to partner up with you.
Oh, no, no, no. I don't want to be your partner.
I'm working out with Chloe over there.
She may be the toughest girl I know.
She's the toughest?
I don't think so.
Rah, I was just about to ask her out. That's why I came here, to warn you
all her brothers.
They're crazy protective, and also crazy crazy.
Wow, I didn't know that.
Yeah, and Ricky and Louise are the most protective.
Last week at the zoo, a monkey blew Sophie a kiss, and they tried to punch
They're monkey punchers?
Maybe I shouldn't ask Sophie out.
Agreed.
Until I get her brother's blessing.
What? Yeah.
I'll just talk to them tomorrow before the football practice. But... Hey,
partner.
Time's up.
Wait. I learned how to counter.
Hi -ya!
Now show me that locker.
Okay, but don't stare at it too long or you'll turn to stone. Oh, please.
It can't be that bad.
Even worse than you said in the roast.
It's like someone took a box of... and stood it upright.
I know. I'm sorry you had to see that.
No, I'm sorry I got angry.
You were right.
So we're good?
We're good.
You definitely showed me a side of Sawyer I've never seen.
Wow. I mean, wow.
I don't understand what the big deal is.
After Bella showed me your locker yesterday, I had a nightmare.
I was trapped inside of it, and I had to fight off a pack of dirty socks with a
hoagie. What kind of hoagie?
Sawyer, I'm being serious.
I'm a really neat person, and, well, you're not.
I used to think our differences made us click, but now I'm not so sure.
I hate to say this, but maybe we should take a break.
A break?
Yeah. I'm really sorry.
Bella! You showed Pepper my locker?
Why would you do that?
Oh, well, she was upset about the roast, and I just wanted to show her I wasn't
exaggerating. I kind of went easy on you.
Well, thanks a lot. Now she wants to take a break from me and my girlfriend.
Wait, really?
Yeah, and it's all your fault.
There she is.
Great job with that roast, Dawson.
Got any more of those Troy jokes?
I'll come back.
with Sawyer? His locker's so messy.
He's like one of those old ladies who has a house full of old newspapers, old
plastic bags, and old cats.
So what if he doesn't keep his locker clean?
He's still a great guy, and his locker cat ran away a long time ago.
Bella, these things get worse, not better.
If he's like this now, what's he gonna be like when we're older?
What if we share an apartment?
It'll be filled with wet towels and road signs, and I'll never be able to
have... because he'll track mud everywhere and I won't be able to
because it will smell so bad.
But don't you still like him? Oh, yeah, he's the best.
But I can't date a slob.
Okay.
Well, then what if we fix the locker?
He'll see how nice it is to be clean and organized and he might start acting
that way himself.
Problem solved.
You like organizing things, right?
I love organizing things.
This is going to be fun.
Hey,
coach, you got a minute?
Oh, please do not tell me that's from Make -A -Mug.
The guys told me about it.
And I went with a very special lady.
Does that mug say number one song?
What do you want, Dixon?
Well, you know how as team leader I sometimes pump up the guys. with an
inspirational speech before the game. Now, this might sound like a crazy idea,
but I was thinking maybe we should let someone else lead.
Like, um... Oh, my man, Chris.
You mean Quiet Chris? Yeah.
Hey, Chris, come here.
You can hype up the team, right?
There it is.
Yeah, I don't know, Troy.
Like I said, crazy idea.
Because obviously I'm the best leader, and the guys were so wrong about me
bossy. But, you know, we have been trying to get QC out of his shell.
Hmm. You know what?
Let's give him a chance.
Wait, what?
Are you sure? Because, I mean, I'd be cool with, you know, absolutely not,
Dixon, or no one else could do that but you, Dixon, or even a get out of my
office, Dixon.
No, no, no. We're going to go with quiet Chris.
Now get out of my office, Dixon.
Tanner's coming. Now remember, you're tough and crazy and don't want anyone
dating your sister.
Also, I'm giving you this paint -a -plate gift card.
You just buy yourself two local brothers.
That's great.
Ricky, weren't you doing anything?
My crazy's on the inside.
Hey, brah. So, Ricky and Louise found out that you were gonna ask Sophie out
they kinda lost it.
I've been trying to calm them down so they don't go off on you. They're
mad? They're furious.
Look at them.
I'll try to hold them off.
All right, guys, come at me and make it look good.
Go! Save yourself!
Leave our sister alone, or you'll be next.
Don't worry.
I won't go anywhere near her.
Seriously, guys? I thought you were going to toss me around a little, not
me a wedgie.
It just felt right in the moment.
Sawyer, you're going to love this.
Pepper, what are you doing here?
I'm really sorry.
So, to make it up to you, Bella helped me with the surprise.
What did you do?
Now you can find all your stuff when you need it.
Where's my lucky rabbit's foot?
My lucky sock?
My lucky sandwich?
Don't worry. The rabbit's foot is in the trinket trunk. The lucky sock has been
laundered and paired with its mate. And the lucky sandwich, was that the thing
with the fuzz?
It's all part of the new organizational system your girlfriend set up for you.
But I had a system.
But Sawyer, I spent five hours doing this. I thought you would like it.
I thought you liked me for who I am. But apparently, I'm just too messy.
Maybe you are.
You know what?
Instead of being on a break, I think we should just break up. I think so, too.
Well,
that was unexpected.
What is going on?
Your roast.
It ruined everybody's lives, Bella.
But you told me not to hold back.
Well, you shouldn't have listened to me.
I'm not a leader.
Shoot, I'm just some dude following other dudes to pottery stores.
Now, if you'll excuse me, they're expecting me at Glazer Glass.
Good,
everybody shake it out. Let's partner up.
Where's Tanner?
I don't know. Must not be tough enough to handle karate anymore.
It's too bad. I like that guy.
Oh, really?
I had no idea.
Yeah. He was the best sparring partner in the whole place.
That's why you liked him? I thought you liked him liked him.
Are you kidding me? I could never go out with a guy like that. He kept calling
me brah. Who does that?
Oh, so I didn't have to... Nothing.
Newt, what did you do?
I thought you and Tanner liked each other, so I convinced Ricky and Luis to
scare him away forever.
Isn't that funny?
Okay, gotta go.
Newt, you didn't have to do that.
I know.
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
I forgive you.
You do?
Yeah. In fact, this opens things up for us to spend more time together.
Really?
You get rid of my spying partner, you become my spying partner.
Still worth it.
Okay.
What are you guys doing here?
I don't know.
We got a text from Bella. She said if we meet her here, she buys a free steak
dinner.
Thank you all for coming.
I did the roast last week, and what was supposed to be all in good fun set off a
chain reaction that messed everybody up.
Where's our free steak dinner?
Okay, first of all, I never said steak dinner. I said dinner at Steakies. You
can order an appetizer from the left side of the menu.
Boo!
I'm on a budget here, people.
Guys, listen.
I know I'm not supposed to feel bad about roasting you, but I do.
Because all it did was lead to trouble.
So we're going to do the opposite. This is the anti -roast. I'm going to spend
the next hour or so complimenting you all. And you're going to love it.
I'll start.
Bella's so cheap, she won't let us order from the right side of the menu.
Coach, this is an anti -roast. You're supposed to be nice.
I know.
Okay, I'll start. with Troy.
He's a natural leader.
What? No, I'm not.
If I've learned anything this week, it's that you guys are better off without
me. Troy, that's crazy talk.
You like it better when Ricky and Louise choose what we do after school.
And Coach thinks Quiet Chris, who hasn't said a word all season, should make the
team speeches.
But we only made that choice because you told us to pick. Yeah, you're our
leader. And I thought you were going to let Quiet Chris address the team to help
him get out of his shell.
And it worked.
You guys, I have so much to tell you.
I have the craziest thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Quiet, Chris.
See, Troy?
Your suggestion worked.
You're being a good leader.
Oh.
Yeah, that's what I was doing.
Taught you guys a lesson.
Because that's what a great leader does.
Bella, proceed with your compliments.
Okay, that's enough about you, Troy. Oh, come on. Don't stroke me on the sugar.
Next up, Sawyer.
At the last roast, I focus on Sawyer being messy.
I talked about how he could never throw anything out and just shoved it on his
locker.
But I found out that it wasn't just junk.
Those movie tickets and restaurant receipts were actually mementos of every
you guys hung out.
Is that true?
Yeah. That lucky sandwich was left over from our first date.
I never wanted to throw it out. I also wanted to finish eating it.
Why didn't you say that?
Because I thought you didn't like me for who I am. I mean, I know I'm sloppy,
but I can work on that.
And I don't have to have white carpeting in our first apartment.
Wait, first apartment?
Oh, never mind.
I think we should get back together.
I was hoping you'd say that.
Come on, let's go order you a new Lucky Sandwich.
I'm glad to see the anti -roast worked. To be honest with you, I was completely
out of ideas.
Oh, um, before we finish, I just want to say that you guys are the best
teammates a girl could have.
Okay, who ordered the steak?
Sausage and biscuits.
Just get the board, kid. Mom's getting tired.
you don't focus on the pain
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