Original subtitles

Ace McFumble's here with sport.

The Silverado Boys soccer team has made the playoffs for the fourth straight

season. Wait, we have a soccer team?

And now for some real news.

The playoff -bound Bulldogs football team have lost their kicker, Kenny Ping.

Ping was selected to play on a youth orchestra that's leaving on a world

which leads me to my new segment, Bonehead of the Week.

This is Ace McFumble.

Didn't know? Now you do. You're welcome.

This is a disaster.

We can't play without a kicker. I know. It's one of the most important positions

on the team.

Who's going to kick field goals or extra points? Or a kickoff.

I just realized a kicker does a lot more for this team than I do.

We could give a chance to a lovable underdog.

A little guy no one expects anything from, but if given the opportunity,

inspire us all.

That's it.

We can teach my family mule to kick. He only has three legs.

No one would expect anything from him.

But, man, that'll be an inspiring story.

That's not what I... Never mind.

All right, we need a kicker and fast.

Time to find out which one of you has the best leg on the team.

Oh! Oh!

Troy, don't kick.

Look at Newt. He seems like he knows what he's doing.

Yeah, well, kickers are usually the smallest, weakest, least athletic guys

the team.

Maybe this is his moment.

I've got this, coach.

Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh!

Sawyer! Yeah, yeah.

Get the mule.

And the nurse.

Okay.

You won't find me in the bleachers. Yeah, that girl is one of us. I'm made

spice and sugar.

I'm pretty tough.

You're not a little glitter.

Three yards in a cloud of dust.

And you get, you get.

A game changer, playmaker. Take the ball. She'll see you later. I'm on a

like, team like, living like one of the boys. She got it going, going.

She got it going on.

I'm gonna play like Friday night, kicking like one of the boys. She got it

going, going.

She got it going on.

play without a kicker, we won't be able to get past the kickoff.

Curse you, Kenny Ping!

Coach, just give Bella a shot. She's good at stealing people's jobs.

What? It's a compliment.

Well, in cheerleading, I was a natural at high kicking.

Kind of a savant.

This is yours.

Thanks. Sorry. Kicking a football is a lot harder than it looks.

Oh, really?

Is it?

Well, yeah.

It's not like you can just come up and kick it through your first time. It

timing and precision and... Whoa.

Okay, I guess it's not that hard.

Hey, you with the freakishly strong leg, you want to play kicker?

No, thanks. I'm good.

Football's not my thing.

Seriously?

Football's not his thing?

This isn't Texas. It is the only thing.

Yeah, well, not to Hunter. All he cares about is soccer.

And being a jerk.

A jerky jerk.

What's that even mean?

Look, Hunter was the kicker on our youth football team, and he was a cool dude.

Then one day, right before the biggest game of the season, he left us to join

the soccer team. Left us? He deserted us. And then we got crushed because we

didn't have a kicker.

You guys, that's too bad.

But it's in the past.

Right now, we need a kicker, and Hunter is our best option.

Bella, look, don't waste your time, all right? Even if you do convince him,

he'll just end up ditching us.

We don't have much time left. We've got to give it a try. What else can we do?

Give Newt another shot? What?

Please. No.

No.

19, 20. Come on. If Michelle Obama can do it, you can too.

Have you seen the biceps on Michelle Obama?

She can bench press Barack.

That's enough.

Practice is over.

But I have a homework assignment for you. I need you to go online and

the cheapest 70 -inch TVs you can find.

What does that have to do with cheerleading?

Nothing. But when my boyfriend left me, he took the flat screen.

We've got to do something.

Ever since Miss Park got dumped, she's been a total nightmare.

Tell me about... Ow!

It.

As a result of my eavesdropping, I couldn't help overhear your

Have you thought of setting Miss Park up with a new guy? Might cheer her up.

That's not a bad idea.

But who?

We're talking about Miss Park. Her only hobbies are knitting and ping pong.

I know someone who's into ping pong, and he's as lonely and sad as she is.

Nope. You're far too young for her.

I'm talking about Coach.

Ooh. Coach and Miss Park would make a really cute couple. I'd totally ship

Great, I'll help you guys. I've watched a ton of romantic comedies. Even the one

where the baker falls in love with the wedding cake.

Bake me your wife.

So good.

Uh, thanks, but we don't need help. We're girls. We're born with a romance

I read that in Teen Cosmo.

Right. Well, when your plan doesn't work out, you know where to find me.

Standing behind me, listening to my conversations?

I just want to be there when you need me.

Hunter, we didn't formally meet the other day. I'm Bella, the girl who can't

kick a football.

Yeah, I was going to step up Bella, but yes, that is true.

Anyway, I baked you these.

Oh, free cookies.

My favorite kind.

Not to brag, but they are really, really awesome.

It's my secret ingredient. Chocolate covered. Wouldn't you like to know?

Pretzels?

Anywho, uh, Hunter, we really want you on the football team.

Bella, I know how those guys feel about me. And the feeling's mutual.

So it's not gonna work out.

But you took my cookies!

No, I didn't.

Hunter, wait.

We need you on the team.

What can I do? How about I help you with your homework? I'm a really good tutor.

I'm a really good student.

Uh, wash your dirt bike?

I skateboard.

Wash your skateboard?

Who washes a skateboard?

Okay, okay, there must be something. I've got...

and a punch card from Squeezie's. One more punch and you get a free sundae.

I don't like ice cream.

What? Everybody likes ice cream. Now you're just being difficult.

You're right.

I love ice cream.

If you seriously want me to be your kicker, how about you give us your

field for a week?

The football field?

Yeah. The soccer team has to use the overflow parking lot. The one that's

of rocks and scorpions?

I've been stung twice.

Yike.

That's horrible, but I don't know if I can give you our field.

It's not my problem.

Figure it out, quarterback.

Figure it out, quarterback.

Wumpies, they're not very good.

It's been rough since Hubert left me. That's why I've been making you girls

practice so hard, you know, to get our minds off of him. But our minds aren't

him. Yours is.

Don't talk back, girl.

I can't take much more of this.

Don't worry.

Here's coach.

Let's hope he likes ping pong as Mitch said he does. All right.

We were going to play some ping pong. You want to play?

That might cheer me up. Ping pong is my jam.

We had no idea.

Oh, too bad.

We only have three players.

Unless... Coach, what are you doing in the gym?

I'm a gym teacher.

that be fair.

Back in 1983, I was a nationally ranked junior.

Oh, wow. Nice paddle, Wanda. Oh, thanks. It's autographed by Jan Sorensen.

Jan the

naturally stank.

Well, if you just set me up, we could crush these kids.

This is just angry flirting, right?

an extra towel because y 'all going to sweat it out.

Sharing the fields with the soccer team? That makes about as much sense as

trying to make a turkey and a pig fall in love to get turkey bacon.

But you tried it anyway.

Yes. Yes, I did.

See?

Hunter is our turkey bacon.

I admit he's not exactly my favorite person, but he's still the best kicker

the school.

So if we want to win our playoff game, we're going to have to put aside our

feelings, And makes his field chair work.

Uh, whatever.

Fine. Thanks.

That's the spirit?

Now listen, y 'all. It wasn't easy getting the principal to agree to this.

required some sweet talk and some of my famous homemade cookies.

Hey, Bella.

You want these? They're not that good.

Hey. I didn't think you could pull this off, but this is pretty cool.

Maybe I underestimated you.

Yeah, so that means you're going to keep up your end of the bargain, right?

Looking good.

So far.

X vertical on two on two. Ready? Break.

Hey. Whoa.

Watch where you're kicking, knee socks.

So you're not cool, dude.

Well, Bella, you said we wouldn't even notice them. Meanwhile, soccer balls are

flying in here every two seconds.

What balls?

See me coming?

Hey, you're on our side of the field. Dude, let it go. I'm sorry, Hunter, but

can figure this out. Wait, you're apologizing to them?

I'm the one who just got injured, Bella.

Injured? Hey, crybaby, you're wearing pads.

But maybe you should be wearing a diaper.

Oh, no. Wait a minute.

What's going on here?

Don't worry, I've got it all under control.

I shouldn't have agreed to this. The soccer team is going to have to leave.

Fine, we'll go back to our crummy field.

Yeah, actually, we gave that to the marching band so they could practice for

football game.

Well, where are we supposed to go?

Well, one of you must have a big backyard.

Mr. Davis, that's not what we... Bella.

It's cool. Keep your field. And good luck finding a kicker.

I'm out.

But, Hunter, you said if I... Don't waste your breath.

Yeah.

Once a deserter, always a deserter.

Great. We have a playoff game coming up, and we still don't have a kicker. I

know.

Well, maybe these will cheer us up.

We're not that good.

Hunter, wait a sec. What?

I put a lot of work into sharing the field, and you're just going to walk

Then again, I guess that's what you do.

What are you talking about?

Yeah, I heard about you.

Back in the sixth grade, you bailed on the guys right before the big game.

They lost because they didn't have a kicker. I didn't bail on the guys.

I had to leave for soccer camp that day.

It was a huge opportunity, and my mom saved up all her money to send me there.

I was just trying to follow my dream.

I guess you wouldn't know anything about that, huh?

Quarterback.

I just got served.

And his mom saved all our money to send him away to camp because being a soccer

player has always been his dream.

Oh, wow. We thank.

All this time, we've been the jerky jerk.

He said I knew it.

He's never gonna kick for us now.

I wouldn't if I were him. I think there's still a way to get him to kick.

Well, I think we're way past apologies, Bella. Well, there are two things that I

refuse to do.

Give up on Hunter being our kicker and admit my cookies are bad.

They're not that good.

So what do we do?

So I've been thinking, and I'm pretty sure I have a plan.

The soccer team doesn't get any respect.

If we fix that, maybe we can change Hunter's mind.

Step one, we go to Ace.

Step two, we make him do a special broadcast.

Step three... Uh, Bella, how many steps are there? 27. Let's just go to Ace's.

Where are you guys going?

Bella has a 27 -step plan.

Oh, lesson usual. Have fun.

Oh, you're not getting out that easy.

I'm looking at steps 14 and 19, so don't put your phones on silent.

Yay!

Friendship! I'll catch up with you guys later.

So, ladies... How'd your fix -up go?

Terrible. Miss Parking Coach did not hit it off.

I hate to say I told you so.

No, you don't. You love it. You're right. I do.

But I'll still help you guys if you want.

It's hopeless.

There's no other single man to fix her up within a five -mile radius.

I still think we can make it work with Coach.

We just need to come at it from a different angle.

You know, women like to be saved. At least that's what I learned from the

romantic comedy, Women Like to Be Saved.

Save her?

Coach doesn't really strike me as the heroic type.

But he can be.

We just need to find out what Miss Park is most afraid of and use it to

emotionally manipulate her.

I gotta admit, I kind of like this side of you.

Oh, do you?

I just ruined it, didn't I? Pretty much.

Day three of the Silverado kicker crisis and tensions are high.

As the playoffs approach and the kickerless Bulldogs face certain defeat,

everyone's looking for answers.

Fortunately, quarterback Bella Dawson is here to shed light on the subject.

Our first question comes from our elderly, mild -mannered librarian, Ms.

Thornberry. She writes, Ace,

I'm a big fan of your show.

Oh, thank you. And a question for Bella.

What the heck are you guys doing about this?

Thoughts?

Actually, I didn't come here to talk football. Instead, I want to focus on

something that gets very little attention at our school. The Silverado

soccer team.

Oh, you're serious?

Yes. Our soccer team is awesome.

I cover sports, not soccer.

Then we're done here. Let's talk soccer.

Well, there's no team that plays it better than Silverado West.

That's why the football team is involved in a campaign to raise soccer

awareness. Come watch the Bulldogs soccer team this Saturday as they kick

butt and win their third straight championship.

Wow. And you should care about soccer, too, because even though we all love

football, yeah, you should all open your hearts and your minds and give

something else a chance.

Next time, less words.

Other football players have come up with some very creative ways to advertise

the soccer team.

And finally, star wide receiver Troy Dixon is using his world -class hands to

clean and organize people's lockers if they pledge to be at the soccer game

Saturday.

Football has been in the spotlight for so long.

Now it's time to show our soccer team some love, too.

So please come out and support our Bulldog soccer team this Saturday.

Okay, Ace, you can ask me about football now.

Ace?

Ace!

I just had a nightmare that we did a whole segment about soccer.

And one hunt!

Newt's plan better work.

Last night, I was too tired to even shower.

I hardly noticed.

Spiders! Spiders!

I don't do spiders.

What is it, Newt? I heard there was an emergency in here.

This little fella?

Oh, come on now.

He's harmless.

Isn't Coach brave?

Miss Park, fear not. Your knight in shining armor is here.

Oh, I'll just take this guy outside. See?

Totally.

Did I get it?

We're the worst matchmakers ever.

I don't know what went wrong.

It should have worked. By now, they should be flirting and laughing.

Followed by a cute phone swap to exchange numbers.

Then they'd feel it with an affectionate fist bump.

I guess I was wrong.

Girl, practice is canceled. I have a date with that fine piece of mad nurse.

Or was I? Just like I planned. That wasn't your plan. Love never follows a

We tried everything and the stands are barely half full.

Troy, you should have cleaned out more locker. Well, I would have, but I had to

clean up all that vomit.

Somebody puked in a locker? Yeah, man, I did.

Well, at least I found out what Vuvuzela means.

Upcorn holder in Swahili.

Hey, quarterback.

You did it. I'm so sorry.

We really wanted to get more people out here to support you guys.

Are you kidding?

This is twice as many people as we usually get.

Even the principal is here.

Let's kick some soccer butts.

Oh, I said butt.

Go team.

Wait, you're saying this is good?

It's not good. It's great.

So I'll see you next Friday.

Friday? What's Friday?

Your game. I'm kicking for you, aren't I? Wait, you are?

Unless you prefer the three -legged mule.

No, thank you. This is awesome.

Guys, Hunter's going to kick for us.

Yeah, we know.

We're right here.

You know, We never would have gotten all these people here if it wasn't for

these guys.

Listen, man, about what we did, we were... No, man, the thing is, I was

of... Yeah, but we never should have. Yeah, but I also didn't. So, pizza

Cool.

So, how'd it go? I think they apologized.

Did they end with pizza?

Yeah, they're good.

I'll admit, I only attended the game because Troy fished that wet sandwich

of my locker.

But once I got there, I found out soccer's totally amazing.

Let me break down the beautiful game for you. So, there are two teams of 11.

One ball.

And here's the crazy part.

They can't use their hands!

I know, right?

Chauncey, don't you find this fascinating?

I'm on the soccer team. I've been asking you to come to my games for the last

two years.

How many times have I told you we're not friends outside of school?

Oh, it's going to be like that.

Well, I'm taking my camera.