Original subtitles

It's a long way from anywhere You've never been before

Got to get your act together We're not sure

We're not

Come in here. I want to talk to you.

All right. Hang on a minute.

Now, please. You've been there so long, I'm forgetting what you look like. I'm

all wet.

In here, in here. Now, please.

This is an order.

All right. I'm coming.

So modest.

Over here, please.

Lie down, please.

My back's all wet.

Then lie on your front.

Nice, soft, wet hair.

You have good back and shoulders, you know.

Quite strong.

But none of those lumpy masses.

I hate all this bodybuilder shit, don't you?

Never really thought about it very much.

Well, I think you have quite nice, vulnerable human body.

Thank you very much.

You're welcome.

Turn over.

Anyone ever do this for you since your mama?

Well, yes, actually.

The wonderful girlfriend?

Yes.

Well, I'll try not to be too jealous, okay?

You think doctors should have all the fun?

You think it always should be men looking at women?

Not the other way around.

Well, that's a bit unfair, I suppose.

Okay.

Quite pretty.

Quite pretty when they're small.

Not so nice when they're red and angry.

Hey, I'll tell you something else.

In classical art, you don't see male reclining nude very often.

And then mostly cries after the cross of fallen warriors.

In history of art, when the man is lying down, that means he's dead.

I'm feeling very well, Greta.

Good. In fact, um... Oh, dear.

I think I have to stop this absent -minded drawing.

There.

I'll come.

I wish you didn't feel like that, Greta.

This practice is going down the drain.

No private funding, no jolly little consultancy fees, and here we all are

wittering on about gender.

Stephen, I have to ask you this.

Are you sex -mad or what?

No, Bob, I'm not.

At least I hope not.

Well, I wish you'd stop going on about it. It isn't necessary. Look, Bob.

The Students' Union have circulated to all departments pointing out that the

university doesn't have a clear code of practice for sexual harassment and

gender issues in general.

Well, I think that's a bad situation and that we could help in formulating a

policy, work out some humane and practical guidelines and push them

Senate. Even though some of us may have difficulty in sticking to them

ourselves.

If you're referring to Dr. Grotowska, Rose, she's not my patient and in any

case... Of course she isn't. And neither was your last year's.

jogging partner.

Bob!

Whatever's the matter with your face?

What are you talking about?

You're hairy, my dear fellow.

Oh, that.

Growing a beard.

Well, in point of fact, I've lost my shaver.

House is in a bit of a shambles at the moment.

Well, what's that got to do with anything?

Do you think you could get a grip at the meeting, Stephen?

My pleasure, Bob.

I suggest that Rose and I formulate some proposals and take them to Senate.

Any views?

Jock. I cannot see this issue as being of crucial importance at a time when the

university is threatened from within and without my solicitism and dominated, in

my view, by a pack of scoundrels hell -bent and acid -stripping us.

However, since you ask me, I think any code of practice should also protect

sensitive men from rapacious women.

Lecturers harassed by their students.

And doctors harassed by their patients.

Well, I don't get any.

No, wait a minute. There was a totty years ago who used to come in and roll

eyes at me. Sent her packing. Simply not interested.

No problem for me, you see. I'm in love with my...

There's there.

I've heard nothing from her.

Not a word.

I expect she just needs a little time.

I'm sure she'll come back, Bob.

Robert, you bastard, Robert.

You'll all doubtless have read in the press that the UK is moving towards a

-tier university system.

I thought we already had one.

Oxbridge and the rest.

Aye, George.

I guess that view is a little behind the times.

The government's thinking is in terms of ten to a dozen universities in this

country specializing in high -level research and postgraduate work.

Centers of Excellence, that's the name of the game.

They'll draw in the very top people in the relevant fields and reward them

appropriately. What happens to the rest?

They lose funding, they don't get research staff.

In five years, they're no -count diddly -squat cow colleges.

Hey, you guys, we're winning.

We're coming up with all the right stuff.

We've had breakthroughs in electroacoustics and laser engineering

microbiology, all of which have brought in serious money from the outside.

We're right in line for the top league.

And, well, I'm just so proud and happy to be a part of it all.

I guess you are, too.

Not entirely, Vice -Chancellor.

Okay, George, let's hear it from the English department.

I'd like to check my translations from the American.

by relevant fields of study and the right stuff.

I take it you mean the stuff that's right for the arms industry, the drugs

industry and the international money market. Vice -Chancellor, do we really

to discuss the university's future at the level of the kindergarten?

Ah, Professor Farris, one of the special people.

Good of you to interest yourself.

I take it that what makes Harris here so special is his ability to attract the

interests of the M .O .D. And did I hear something about appropriate rewards for

the special people?

I take it that means you're going to pay the professor of microbiology twice as

much as the professor of philosophy.

Forgive me, I forgot we have no philosophers now.

It's so convenient. They ask such awkward questions.

And what is justice?

How do we live?

All that kind of nonsense.

Vice -Chancellor, is the pursuit of knowledge only worthwhile when it

the filthy lucre of ignorant and destructive men?

George, I believe in the Western way of life, just as you do.

And I believe that the study of the great English poets is just as important

the preservation of the free world as...

Well, some of these other areas.

We value what you do, George. We cherish it.

Then why do you direct funds from the arts into the applied sciences?

Bunn, it's only temporary.

I guess the applied sciences are just sexier right now.

Fascinating. Well, I'd like to move on now.

Dr. Dacre.

Senate's a decision -making body, isn't it?

Why, sure it is, Steve.

Well, this may sound naive, but we never seem to make any decisions.

All we do is rubber stamp things that have already happened.

You've twigged it.

Well, if the proposal is to expand the applied sciences and squeeze the arts,

well, that seems like a huge change.

Well, shouldn't we be discussing it fully and then voting on it? Good for

Dacre. I mean, do we actually have any power?

We surely do.

We're a democracy, Steve.

Right now, all we're doing is testing the temperature of the baby's bathwater.

I really look forward to a full and frank discussion at a later date in

And elsewhere, Vice Chancellor. I thought I might start the ball rolling

few letters and articles.

You know, the Times, the Guardian.

Times Higher Educational Supplement. I'm sure they'd be interested.

Maybe even the sun.

Double pay for sexy lowland boffins. Hang on, George.

Come to dinner, take a Thursday.

Bring your wife or whatever.

Now, hold on, George.

Ask you what provocation I've had.

The strong antipathy of good to bad.

make them jump.

Shut, shut the door, good Joan.

George, it's like an oven in here.

The fire of inspiration.

What's this then, the smallest thing?

Giving Eagleton his final comeuppance?

No, no, it's just a little letter to the times.

Strong stuff.

Mr. Daniels isn't going to be pleased.

I'm not here to please crooks and cowboys, you know. You are no bruiser.

Oh, by the way, I nearly forgot.

I've invited some people to dinner.

Thursday. You haven't?

What people?

Oh, just a few wretches and reprobates.

I do realise you have to clear all this stuff.

And put on some clothes.

It's lovely and warm in. You should try it. Maybe later.

I'm working now.

What's it going to be?

What do I say?

I think I call it a vulnerable flesh.

Good. What about him?

Where?

Oh, yeah.

What a shame.

He's too beautiful.

I can't use him. He would ruin my TV.

Oh, look, there's Bob Buzzard.

What

the

hell do you think you're playing at?

Just swimming, man. See, it was you. Well, bloody well, look where you're

Dr Buzzard, man.

Sorry about that woman, ain't you like?

Oh, think nothing of it.

Sorry I yelled at you.

Oh, I've been yelled at before, man.

Seen you in the pool a few times.

Far from swimmer.

You're keeping shape, don't you?

Well, can't let the bastards grind you down.

Matter of fact, there's something vaguely familiar about you.

Hang on.

Ah, know what it is.

You're a dead ringer for that runner fellow.

What's his name? Glenn Oates.

Well, I am Glenn Oates, like.

Good God, are you really?

Saw you on the telly last week.

Thought you were going to beat Crown.

Aye, so did I, till a bugger caught us up in our last five yards.

What on earth are you doing in this place?

Visiting English.

Teacher training, like.

Well, blow me down.

Proud to meet you, buddy. I'm a fan.

You must let me buy you a jar or two one of these days.

Why, I'd really like that.

Well, plain oats.

Wait till I tell Daphne in the... What's the matter?

Um... Mustache.

I'll see you around, buddy.

When do I have that drink, then?

Julie, I am not screwing anyone.

I'm in my office, honey, in a meeting with Charlie.

She's here.

No, honey, I won't put Charlie on. Charlie is working.

Put the bastard on, Jack.

Charlie, would you mind?

Mrs. Daniels?

He hung up.

Okay, George Bond.

You don't look good, Jack.

Hell, it's just a letter to a newspaper from some crazy old fart.

Not just any crazy old fart.

I've been fielding press calls since 7 a .m.

Professor Bunn has become a problem.

Well, when someone becomes a problem, either you give them something or you

something away from them.

Okay, Elaine, have him come in, would you, honey?

Just take it easy, Charlie, okay?

Sure, Jack.

Hi, George.

Come on over.

Have a chair.

Well, you certainly don't mince your words, George.

Enjoyed it, did you?

Well, we certainly appreciated your honesty, didn't we, Charlie?

And your style. That's one hell of a style you have there, Professor.

Most kind.

Look, George, we want you to be happy.

We want you to know that we think of you as one of the special people.

Hell, I know Harvard or Yale would give their eye teeth to get you on any terms

you cared to name.

I guess we'd like to show our gratitude for your loyalty to Lowlands.

Ah. We're talking about appropriate rewards again, I take it.

Well, I guess we are, George.

You chaps are so refreshingly frank about bribery.

It would have taken Ernie Hemingway an hour and a half to work his way around

that.

I'm sorry, Daniels, but I have all the money I need.

And as you rightly say, I could have sold myself many times over to various

colonial institutions.

I don't want to, though.

Perverse as it may seem, I'm happy either.

And we're sure happy to have you, George.

I guess it's the inner faculty funding pattern that really bugs you, right?

Starving the traditional disciplines to feed the rich and greedy upstarts, you

mean. Yes, yes, it does rather bug me, as you so charmingly put it, Daniels.

Well, I guess we can manage some immediate adjustment in the case of the

department. What do you say, Charlie?

There's always a way, Jack.

Hell, we wouldn't want to put the study of the great English poets at risk.

George, you don't need to say another word.

Trust us, we're going to deliver on this one.

In return for my promise to keep my head down, eh?

I'm sorry, Daniels, but my concerns are less parochial than my own department.

You are destroying the idea of the university here at Lowlands.

And I shall continue to say so in private and in public.

George, I'm getting a little frustrated here.

Nothing I say seems to strike you right.

Don't take it personally, Daniels.

It's my job to preserve the liberal values. It's your job to try to destroy

them.

It's as simple as that.

Good day to you.

Hong Kong ace, copped a triad.

How's the old sexual idiolect?

Lynn.

That bloke Bun is seriously out of order, Rose. I mean, really from the

ages. He's a porn freak.

Look, read that.

But whilst her busy hand would guide that part... which should convey my soul

to her heart, in liquid raptures I dissolve all o 'er, melt into sperm and

spend at every pore.

Yes, I see what you mean.

And he reads this aloud to you at seminars?

He reads it aloud.

He makes us read it aloud.

He makes us discuss it.

Makes us write essays about him? I mean, it's horrible. He sits there like a

great fat spider, drooling all over this woman -hating stuff.

I mean, someone ought to do something about him, you know what I mean?

Yes, I do.

Cloris, have you approached him about his choice of text?

Yes, last term.

He pretended he didn't know what we were talking about.

Said when we were professors, we could choose the text.

We suggested all sorts of people.

Aphra Behn, Mary Wollstonecraft.

He said we couldn't do them because they're not in the great tradition.

So now you want to make an official complaint?

Yeah, but who to?

He's supposed to be head of department, but he is the head of department. The

vice -chancellor, that's all.

Oh, blimey, that's a bit heavy.

Well, I might be able to help.

George Barnett's had it coming for a long time, in confidence.

He's been bullying women students ever since I've been here.

I know I shouldn't say it, but this will be great fun.

I'll write you out medical certificates excusing your attendance at lectures and

from writing those essays you mentioned.

But we're not really ill.

You're both obviously very shocked and suffering extreme nervous strain.

That's my opinion, Jo, as your medical practitioner.

Oh, I see.

Right.

Absolutely, Jock, absolutely. A good man nowadays is hard to find. A good woman,

too.

Saving your presence, my dear.

My wife is a truly excellent woman.

One is apt to go on like this when he's on his second bottle, I'm afraid.

George, it is insensitive to praise your own wife in front of other women. Is

it? Oh, yes, I suppose it is. Dr.

Gutowska. Greta, please, like she's Greta. Greta, I'm sure you're an

woman, too.

Matter of fact, I am a rude, nasty girl.

Are you indeed?

I've got some of those in my own department.

Dreadful young women.

They seem to think that literature is some sort of branch of feminist

Everything has to do with politics.

Oh, Lord, that's exactly what they say.

I tell them to bugger off.

Is that wrong?

Well, of course it is. Education should be about exchanging views, shouldn't it?

They want to exchange views with a lot of teenage idiots.

I mean, nobody under 25 understands anything. How old are you, my dear?

27. Well, there you are, you see. You're a grown -up. Have some more wine. It's

got nothing to do with age, George. It's about intelligence. You're talking

nonsense. Oh, I see.

Fine, fine.

Who asked this man to dinner? You did.

Did I? Oh, he must be all right, then.

Yes, of course he is, I remember now. He had to go at Daniel's.

You're a good man, Dacre.

A bit of a softy, a bit of a lefty, but you're all right.

Look, forget about that.

Can we be serious for a minute?

When he first came here, I thought Jack Daniels was just what we wanted.

And he really has done a lot for the health centre.

And this time last year, they were talking about closing the whole

down. He's changed all that.

But at what price, Stephen?

Financially, we flourish.

Morally, we wither.

Present company accepted, of course.

Pardon.

I am weary of these soft French drinks. You wouldn't have a little Scots whiskey

about the place?

Jacques!

Make no mistake, Stephen.

The Prince of Darkness is alive and well and going about under the name of

Daniels. Yes, I'm starting to think that myself.

Look, George, you've really got up his nose, haven't you? And he knows how to

operate.

Aren't you worried?

Well, what could he do to me?

I have rights on my side.

I need to blame this knife.

I run the best English department outside Cambridge.

I teach my classes.

I sit quietly in this room, writing my little articles.

Start naked by roaring fire.

Really?

I find this very interesting.

It's a little eccentricity of mine.

Dates from Singapore in the 50s. I find I think better with my togs off.

Well, why not?

Were it not that we have company for dinner, Bun would be naked now.

Hey, listen.

If you feel uncomfortable with your clothes on, please undress.

No skin of my nose, you know.

Male nude is my special subject.

It's not a pretty sight, Greta.

Well, I'm not so interested in pretty sights. I would be very interested to

your body and take photographs, Professor Ban.

Good God.

Am I being propositioned here?

No, serious academic study. You would be chaperoned.

So, what are you saying?

George Brown gets his rocks off reading dirty poems to innocent young girls.

It's a particularly revolting form of exhibitionism.

Metaphorically, of course, he's shaking his penis in their faces.

Yeah, sure.

I understand.

It's kind of conceptual, though.

I'd like to have a little more to go to bat with.

Guess I'd be happier if he jumped a few of them, you know.

I haven't heard anything like that.

I shouldn't think he's capable of it.

No.

Well, I guess we're not all built the same.

That's certainly true.

Here we are.

One bitter shandy for oats.

One pint of best for buzzard.

Cheers.

You know, buddy, I'd give my BMW to be in your shoes.

Best middle distance prospect for years.

Aye, so they say.

It's not everything, though.

All a runner can do is run, like.

I mean, you're a doctor.

That's really something.

Making people better.

Having that power.

I mean, people really look up to doctors, like.

Oh, well.

I haven't the brains for it, so there we are.

Let me tell you something, Glenn.

It's not so bloody brilliant.

Patients don't look up to me. They take me for bloody granted.

I don't get any recognition.

I don't get any gratitude.

Just another bloody job.

No, it's not.

I think you're marvellous, Hugh.

Why are you so modest about it, like? No, no, you got it all wrong.

You're out.

I'm buzzed.

You're the star of the track.

I'm just... Pemberton Sims.

That was his name.

His name?

Oh, the chap in my house at school looked a bit like you. Captain of

when I was just a frog. God, I used to worship that chap. Just, you know, hero

worship.

Used to hang about hoping he'd notice me.

Of course he never did.

Anyway, how's the training going, buddy?

Not so good.

Pulled a thigh muscle and could blend flatly.

Sartorius -like. I can still feel it from here to here.

That's why I was in the pool yesterday.

Should have been doing speed work and a track, really.

Say, that's rotten luck. What else are you getting for it?

Interferential heat treatment, deep tissue massage?

Well, I have to go to London for that, Dr. Buzzard.

We cannot be doing that. Well, there's no need to go to London, buddy. We've

the technology right here in Lowlands.

Maureen Gavin looks after that area. She's on holiday this week.

But I'd be happy to sort you out myself.

Why didn't you mention it before?

I didn't like to impose, like... Look here, buddy.

Working on you wouldn't be an imposition.

What a privilege.

You know, Rose, I really appreciate your input.

There's special people and there's very special people.

And I guess you're one of the very special people.

So glad you feel that way.

You know, Jack, I... I get such a thrill from being close to you. The way you

let me inside your thoughts.

Yeah, but... I don't know.

Yes, Jane?

Hi.

Oh, gosh.

I guess I'm just a regular old -fashioned guy in some areas.

Guess I find myself wanting the same things every guy wants.

Oh, Jack.

I feel so vulnerable to you as a woman.

You do?

I've never told anyone this.

When I was very young, I was married for a short time.

It was a very...

damaging experience.

When it was over, I made up my mind that I'd never let any man inside me again.

I never imagined I'd ever meet a man who'd make me feel differently, who

be man enough to make me feel that marriage

might still be something I could contemplate.

Until now.

Here's looking at you, Mrs. Daniels. Right.

I guess it may be just the place.

Lowland. What a piss -ass dump, you know?

Indeed I do.

How can our fragile dreams survive in this swamp of fear and loathing?

But I sense, my dear, there's something deeper, something more specific than

that.

Isn't there?

You can trust old Jock McCannon.

Well, it's Jack, I guess.

The bastard's seeing someone.

No, really.

You surprise me.

With all his manifold schemes, I'd never have thought he'd have the time.

Oh, he's always found the time when he wanted to.

Modeled his whole style on John F. Kennedy, you know.

Yeah, he's got some little Marilyn Monroe shacked up somewhere.

Yeah? What makes you suspect this?

Well, shit, it's obvious.

We always shared a lot, but these days he's in and out so much, I think I'm

living with one of those Disneyland dolphins.

And, oh, yeah, this is the clincher.

Like, he has this routine at night when we're gonna ball. He kind of walks about

the room in his boxer shorts, parading, you know.

Yes, I think I follow, my dear. And then he, like, pops the poppets.

Pop.

Pop. And lets them slide down his leg.

And then, like, catches them on his toe. Kicks them high in the air and catches

them, right?

I used to think that was awful cute.

Yes, well, I can see how one might.

Yes, indeed.

But I can't quite understand how this might confirm your suspicions.

Last night, he went through the whole performance with the shorts on inside

Ah, I see.

Yeah, he's getting his pipe cleaned somewhere.

And the hell of it is.

I guess I still kind of love the bastard.

Please, I'm sorry.

My dear, listen to me.

I think your husband's trying to tell you something.

The shorts on inside out, such a blatant Freudian slip.

Perhaps he has become entangled with another woman, or fears that he might.

He wants to escape.

He wants to end it. He waves his shorts above his head, not in triumph, but in

guilt and remorse. A desperate signal, a cry for help.

The white shots of surrender.

Hey, you're some kind of a brilliant guy, you know that?

You're too kind, Mrs. Daniels.

Empathy and experience, that's all.

Yeah, I bet you've had some of that, too.

You know what I should do?

I should get something going for myself.

Pay the bastard back, you know?

You feel this to be wise, here in the pissant swamp?

We seem to have moved into the post -sexual era.

Don't you believe it.

Hey, you know something?

I always kind of sparked an older guy.

Eh, my dear.

If you mean what I think you do, ten years ago it might have been a different

story.

But old Jock's been all the combat for many a moon.

Many a moon.

I guess you never met a girl from Fort Worth before.

No, my dear.

I don't believe I have.

Well, honey, you might be in for one or two surprises.

Tell you another thing, buddy.

From long and painful experience, think twice before you get married.

Aye, well, no danger. That a present like.

That's good.

Mind you, I'm prejudiced.

My wife walked out on me in a...

No. Four weeks ago, after 15 years.

Christ, man, I'm sorry.

You must feel bloody terrible, eh? Well, I can't pretend it wasn't a slap in the

chops. Straight back to mother with the twins. Haven't heard a dicky about

since.

15 years down the plughole.

Oh, well, that's life.

Robert Buzzard isn't going to fall to pieces.

Right, this is the guns that's supposed to get down to the deep tissues.

Where did she go?

The wife, like?

That's right, buddy. Haven't the foggiest.

You know, I always used to say that apart from Daphne, I could never

women at all.

Now it seems I didn't understand her either.

Maybe she didn't understand you, like.

Oh, no, nothing deep or devious about Buzzard.

Just an ordinary chap who fell well short of her girlish expectations.

Hey, no.

You're not an ordinary chap.

I think you're bloody wonderful.

Really?

You're a good captain.

That means a lot to me just now.

I'd like to take a moment to share a few thoughts I've been having.

I've sensed from some members of Senate, from George Bunn in English and Steve

Dacre in the Health Center,

I've sensed a feeling that we have to keep moral values in the forefront of

thinking.

Well, I'd like to say right here and now, I share that concern, George.

I share that concern, Steve.

A university exists to create new knowledge, sure.

But if that's all it does, hell, it isn't worth a pinch of sourdough shit.

A university should show us how to live as well.

It should offer an ideal model of society, a sense of community.

A sense of family.

And maybe it's time to remind ourselves of the value of the family.

All of us here in this room today, I guess we're all leaders of our society.

The family looks to us for leadership.

I just feel it helps to remind ourselves that whatever else we do here,

morality, personal morality, is the bottom line.

That's all.

No, it doesn't matter, Greta.

It's just that Desert Love is on at the art center.

I thought we might go together.

Yes, I would like that. But tomorrow night I am around at George Bun's house.

George Bun?

Greta, what odd friends you have these days.

He's a nice man, I think.

I'm going to make photographs of him.

In the nude.

No, George Bun is a nudist. Honestly.

In his own house he never wears his clothes.

Well, I'm sure that's an opportunity you can't refuse.

Look, Greta, I know we've both been busy lately, but we must get together soon.

I've been missing you.

Don't let's become strangers.

Come to lunch on Sunday. You can tell me all about it.

Okay. I like that.

Lovely. See you then.

According to the Vice -Chancellor, the values of the family are facing a crisis

at Lowlands, and we all have to pull our socks up.

Not exactly sure what he had in mind, but I thought I ought to let you know.

The nerve of the man.

The values of European civilisation are facing a crisis at Lowlands.

Nay, they are being trampled into the dust under the hooves of the midnight

cowboy. And not only that... I'll say no more, Stephen.

By not having a family myself, I'm not in a strong position to lead the

discussion. What I recall of family values is mostly to do with moral

fear, guilt, feelings of inadequacy, silently oppressive Sunday lunches.

Nightmare about forgetting anniversaries. I'm sorry. No, no, no.

Right on the button, buddy.

That's what holds the whole thing together.

Take them away and what have you got? People will start doing anything they

well like. People will start enjoying themselves. And we all know where that

leads. Where does it lead, Bob?

God knows. I've never had the chance to find out, have I? Until now, perhaps.

Lord, yes.

You know, I keep forgetting.

Part of my mind still believes she's there, that, you know, I'll come home,

the door, twins' computers pattering away like mice, and there she'll be, in

kitchen, meal on the table, all ready to tear me off a strip for some cock -up

or other.

Strange, that, isn't it?

Bob, we all admire the way you're adjusting to this life crisis.

Indeed we do.

Eh, Robert, who would that handsome laddy be who's always... Wafting round

corridors these days.

Handsome laddie.

Oh, you mean Glenn.

Glenn Oates.

The middle distance man. Oh, come on. You must have seen him on the box.

Damaged his sartorius muzzle. I was able to help him.

I'm sure you were.

Glenn Oates. Yes, of course. That's who it is.

He seems very attached to you, Robert.

I hope there's no incipient problem there. No, no. Clearing up fine.

I meant of a personal kind.

The periphery patient syndrome, as I had occasion to remark upon at our last

meeting. Or even, perhaps, the other way round.

The over -solicited doctor.

Are you off your trommies?

This isn't a totty. This is a chap.

An athlete. And a damn good bloke, I don't mind telling you.

Good God, I... come across some dirty -minded swine in this profession, but

two take the bloody biscuit.

Excuse me, Stephen. I think I need a breath of fresh air.

Oh, hi, Consuelo. Put Julie on, would you?

Mrs.

Daniels has gone out, has she?

Did she say where she was going, honey?

Okay.

No, no message. It's just that, you know, by this time, she's usually called

twice already.

Guess I thought something must be wrong.

Oh, yeah, fine.

Oh, listen, Consuelo.

Tell Mrs. Daniels I'll be home in time for dinner.

Tell her the T -bone steak, peppered. She'll understand.

I don't quite understand, Mrs. Daniels.

Isn't Dr. McKinnon treating you?

Oh, sure.

I went to see him one time.

This time I thought I'd come and see you.

Well, that's okay, isn't it?

I mean, you're like one big happy family.

Of course it's okay, Mrs. Daniels.

It's just that it's rather unusual to make a deliberate switch from one doctor

to another.

I was wondering if you'd experienced any problems with Dr. McCannon. Anything

that disturbed you. You can tell me in absolute confidence and privacy, you

know. No.

No problem.

It's kind of weird.

It was kind of cute, too.

I guess he helped me quite a bit.

It's just that...

Sometimes it's easier talking with another woman.

You know what I mean?

Of course I do.

I'm only too happy to help.

Well, I guess the thing is, Jack's making it with some chick on campus.

Oh, I am sorry.

Are you sure you mightn't be mistaken?

Oh, no.

He's doing something all right.

Well, Dr. McKinnon helped me to see things right.

It's like Jack's leaving all these clues.

Well, like, unconsciously, he wants me to find out.

Well, first of all, it was just general.

Like he walks in the door on a gale, Estee Lauder, you know.

He's just a big kid at heart.

And then he'd leave his wallet lying around the bedroom, all loaded, ready to

go, with packs of Trojans and phone numbers.

I see.

I feel sorry for these chicks, you know.

Why? know what it was. Could have been bugging me about this one.

Never bothered me before.

Checks Jack's laid, stretched end to end, laid reach from here to L .A.

Oh, I am sorry, Mrs.

Daniels. You don't have to be, honey.

I got it licked now.

Because, well, what do I have to worry about?

I know I got something for Jack. None of these bimbos will ever give it.

Oh? And what would that be, Mrs.

Daniels? Let me give you a clue, honey.

It's green and rustle.

And it sure comes in handy when your taste runs to Mercedes.

Come on in, Glenn.

Maybe it's a bit of a tip.

Why, it's a bit unsidey -like. Can't believe you get the hang of this

business.

Get things out, all right? Can't seem to remember to put them back.

Oh, God, this is ridiculous. I know that kettle was there this morning.

You leave the light burning all day when you're out. Ah, labour -saving device.

Seems switchy at all at night.

Clever, eh?

Oh, God.

Look, Bob, man, you're getting... Need a little bit of tidying up, eh?

I'm famous for me domestic skills, me. Best cook and bottle -washer in our

Ask any of our lads.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Well, here a bit.

Come on.

Let's both sit down.

Have a proper drink, eh?

Oh, come on, Glenn.

Once in a lifetime's not going to hurt.

Aye.

All right, then.

Seeing as it's you.

Matter of fact, I could do with a chap like you about the place.

Just till... And I don't mean just to do the skivvying.

Get a bit lonely.

You know.

Ah, you do?

I'd be glad to.

If you're serious.

No, no, it wouldn't do. Nice thought, but it wouldn't do.

Two chaps living together.

Everyone would think we were a couple of...

It wouldn't do.

Come on, Bob, man. When are we going to stop pitting about?

What?

I told him you'd take the lead, like.

I mean, I've never been in this situation before.

I don't know what to do any more than you do, it seems, but we have to do

something.

What are you talking about?

Look, Bob, man, you know I love you.

I want to go to bed with you, like.

So, he's refused to change the essay title.

But he won't even discuss the matter.

And he's refused to extend the deadline even though you were able to produce

medical certificates.

Yes, he has.

Well, he didn't exactly refuse, Cloris.

But he didn't listen to us properly.

Joe, Cloris, this may well be painful and difficult for you.

But I think you should confront Professor Bunn as soon as possible.

And if he refuses to see you in his office, as he has done, then I think you

should go to his home and have it out with him there.

As soon as possible, you reckon?

Yes.

Why not this evening?

All right.

Hey, how about that for a bloody Rembrandt?

You'll be the star of my book.

Well, how do you want me, my dear? Should I be doing something, or...?

normal. It's OK.

Well, normally, if I'm going straight into space, I'd have just been knocked

out.

OK, that's nice.

Would you like to take a bit?

Whatever you wish.

At Lowland, we are learning

a new language.

Laser engineering,

it now appears, is

sexy. Good.

Where do you normally sit when you're just reading?

Oh, over there on the Chesterfield.

Could you go and sit there, please, with whatever book you're reading now?

Right.

You don't mind too much that I mess you about like this?

Oh, dear, you're loving every minute of it. After tonight, fun's vanity will

know no bounds.

Prove the shining hour by reading aloud.

Whoever loves,

if he do not propose the right true end of love, he's one that

goes to sea for nothing but to make him sick.

Love is a bear whelp born.

If we o 'erlick our love and force it new strange shapes to take, we err,

and of a lump a monster make.

Perfection is in unity.

Prefer one woman first, and then one thing in her.

You didn't take any snaps that time.

If I know, I... I was listening to a poem.

Bob?

Robert?

Glenn?

Robert, my dear fellow.

We were worried about you. Oh, God.

Take heart, my dear man.

Old Jock has come to stay with you.

Oh, what's the time? I feel bloody dreadful.

The night is young.

All is not lost.

Oh, yes, it is.

You don't understand.

Here, well.

Oh, no, no, no, not for me. Never again.

Oh, Jock.

No need to explain, my dear fellow.

I've had a talk with a young man.

He's very upset, you know.

Very upset.

He's upset? What about me? I mean, I feel as if the whole world's turned

down. I went right out of my way for that chap, Jock.

Glen Oath, England's biggest new prospect.

A poof town.

Bob, Bob, it doesn't help to categorize people like that. And the worst of it

is, he was a really nice bloke.

I mean, I really... Oh, Lord!

But of course he's a nice bloke. My dear man, why should he not be?

Listen to me, Robert.

These men you call poofters, they're just like you and me.

We all need love, love.

Not you as well!

Oh, my dear man, let's not get carried away to the realms of paranoid fantasy.

Old Jock has come to comfort you and counsel you through this difficult time.

Oh, right, yes, of course. Sorry.

Bit jumpy, bit...

Appreciate this, Jock.

If Chap finds out who his real friends are at a time like this, I'd be happy

to have you to stay, you know, till... You have a room spare, then, for old

Jock? Oodles of rooms, take your bloody pick.

You're a generous soul.

I, too, old as I am, I, too, feel the pangs of loneliness and rejection.

Say no more, Jock. You and me, eh? You and me.

And, eh, Robert.

Yes, Jock?

I hope you wouldn't take it amiss if occasionally old Jock was to entertain a

guest.

Oh, Lord.

The things they think of, eh?

Absolute balderdash.

George. Yeah?

You know where you are at the Fletcher's in half an hour? Yes.

Well, do go and put your clothes on.

Oh, right. Yes, I'll be up right away.

Oh, Robbie.

Can't even spell.

Past. P -A -S -T.

Miss Jakeman, Miss Lintel.

Oh!

Lord.

Oh.

I don't know. I didn't expect to see you this evening.

Well, here I am.

You want me to go away?

No, of course not. Come on in.

Go on.

Get back in bed.

I'll sit down here.

I thought you were at George Bunn's tonight.

Yes, I was.

Then I thought I'd come and see you.

I'm glad.

How did it go?

Very well.

Eight photographs, I hope.

Another vulnerable human body?

They're such a nice people, Stephen.

They really love each other, you know?

Yes.

I want to say something to you.

Something I was thinking about and tonight I made my mind up.

Yes?

If you want to have sex with me, okay.

I think maybe we should try this now.

Hey, don't look so happy. I think this is going to be one big disaster.