Original subtitles

The Sick University, Volume 2, by Jock McKinnon, M .D.

After Ernest Hemingway, the poisoned dwarf, had failed

to sell his university to the Japanese, after he left, dismissed,

disgraced to a knighthood and insider dealings in the city,

After the policemen from Hendon had come and gone, finding the University of

Lowlands had beds which were too small, but a moral cesspit had no fit place for

young and impressionable bobbies.

Then the darkness descended, and the wind swept over the barren lands.

The doctor was sick at heart.

The nymphs had departed.

The center had fallen apart.

It seemed that Lowlands was to die.

Then, one morning, sitting by the stagnant lake brooding upon the death of

empires, the doctor felt a new breeze blowing from the west.

Sweet voices whispered to him from the waters, speaking of a new initiative.

A reprieve for Rorans.

Massive investment in the new technologies.

And a new vice -chancellor.

The second coming.

A new star rising from the west.

And what rough beast, a tower come round at last, louches towards lowlands

to be born.

Kind of a little bitty pissant place, wouldn't you say, Jack?

Sure it is, Julie.

But we're going to make it a paradise on Earth.

Let's get this show on the road.

And Dr.

Stephen Dacre to take over as head of the pack.

I thought of grooming me for the top, I think.

Six months tall in the Far East.

Hong Kong, for starters.

Amazing, eh?

Look, give it up. Stay here. Marry me.

No, I'm sorry. It's not fair.

Nobody belongs to anybody else.

I won't be gone forever, Stephen.

No, but you won't be coming back here either, will you?

I don't know.

No, I don't suppose I will.

Right.

Okay.

Hold it there, sir.

What? Can I see your path, sir?

No, look, I'm Dr.

Baker. And you haven't got a path.

Well, I can't let you in, sir.

No, you don't understand.

This is the medical center. I'm the director of the medical center.

This is not the medical center.

Morning, sir. Ah,

I say, excuse me. Don't go in there, sir.

Why not?

Well, if you did...

I'd have to use reasonable force to restrain you. Oh, this is ridiculous.

Well, term starts next week. The medical center looks after the health of 3 ,000

staff and students. Are you telling me it's closed down?

You have to take that up with central administration, sir.

It's no good getting hysterical with me.

I'm not getting hysterical with... Yes, all right. Thanks very much for your

help.

Good morning.

My name is Dacre. I'm head of the medical practice here.

At least I thought I was. I want to see the vice -chancellor on a matter of

urgency. Well, of course, Dr. Dacre.

I know he's very keen to see you.

Dr. Dacre's here, Jack.

Send him in.

I don't need a pass. I don't need an identity card.

Why, of course not, Dr. Dacre.

Just go right in.

Oh, hello, Stephen. Morning, buddy.

Jack Daniels. It's great to meet you, Steve.

I've heard a lot about you from Bobby Buzzard here and Rose.

Now, hey, here we are.

How do you do? Just fine, Steve. Come on, sit down. Let's talk.

No, if you don't mind, I'll just... Come on.

Please.

Good vacation, Steve.

Yes, fine, thanks.

Look, I'm sorry, I just don't understand what's going on here. Now we're making

some changes, B.

That's what's going on.

Including closing down the medical center?

Ah, gee.

Bobby, Rose, I guess I don't need any more of your time right now?

Oh, right, fine, of course.

Thanks very much, Vice Chancellor. Thank you for your input, Bobby.

Rose?

You give very good meaning.

Thank you, Jack.

So do you.

Steve, I'd like to let you into some of our thinking about the new lowlands.

We're going for excellence.

If we can't win, we're not going to play. Look, all I want to know is...

take cybernetics. They're popping with new ideas, busting out of their play

pens. So we give them space to grow, right?

Philosophy. Eight old boys with research constipation. Nothing in the pipeline.

Kind of a diddly squat department.

So we take the euthanasia option.

I see.

And so on those criteria, you're telling me you're closing down the medical

center. Excuse me, Steve.

Honey, I'm in a meeting. Can I call you back?

No, it's a man, Julie. It's a doctor.

No, honey, I'm fine.

Honey, I swear to you, there are no roaches in the kitchen.

Take it easy, Julie.

Julie, Julie, Julie, listen to me. I want you to go and have a shower, honey,

and I'll call you right back.

I'm sure I love you. Now, will you do that for me? I have to hang up now,

Well, that was Julie.

I guess she's having some adjustment problems.

Uh, Julie is my wife, Steve.

I'm sorry.

I mean, uh... Steve, I'm not gonna hold back on you.

I've decided to go with you guys. I believe in what you're trying to do

I'm giving you a whole new medical center.

Really? I've studied your profile in the Pretty Man Report, Steve. I like the

quality of your thinking. I know you're going to pick this one up and run with

it.

Well, thanks.

I don't want to seem churlish, but don't you think I should have been consulted

about the new medical center?

Ah, gee.

Don't be grouchy with me, Steve.

I guess I wanted you to enjoy your vacation.

But I think you're going to like what we've done. You see, I'm bringing some

very special people to Lowlands.

Valuable people.

And they need to know we value them, right? So we give them the best.

Isn't everybody valuable?

Hey, right.

I love that.

That's what I came to Europe to hear.

Everybody is valuable.

That's the bottom line.

Thinking like that, who needs a philosophy department?

Come on over here, Steve.

I have dreams for this place.

I'm not just talking Nobel Prizes.

I'm talking string quartets.

I'm talking human fulfillment.

I'm talking Plato's Republic, damn it.

I guess that might sound a little naive to you.

No, no.

It's inspiring, really.

When I first came here, I thought, well, here was a place where I could really

do the job properly.

Actually push back the frontiers of health care.

And what with one thing and another, I don't think we've achieved that yet.

We will now.

We're going to make the earth shake here at Lowlands.

Hey, come on, Steve.

Let's get some air.

I want to feel the grass under my feet.

Well, you certainly made a good impression, Rose.

Thank you, Bob.

So did you. Do you think so?

Hard to tell with Americans, isn't it? I mean, they're not really fully human,

are they?

Nice fellow, though, in his way. Family man, too.

Brought his no doubt bloody frightful wife with him and his no doubt bloody

monstrous kids.

How many did he say he had?

Ten, was it? Just four, I think. By God, I wouldn't like four American kids.

Still, he is a family man and that counts for something these days.

I've often thought you missed a lot not being a family man, Rose.

Nothing like it for putting you in touch with life's brutal realities.

God, sometimes I wish I could just shut up.

Bob, are you all right?

Fine, fine. Absolutely marvellous.

Do you really think he liked me?

Why, of course he did, Bob.

He recognised an essential kinship with you.

Something a man can't have with a woman.

He called you Bobby. But not Robert. He saw you as a brother, Bob.

Jack and Bobby.

Don't those names resonate for you?

What?

Yes, I see.

Of course, we have to remember what happened to Bobby Kennedy.

I feel so good about this place, you know.

What are those men doing?

Just the same as we are, Steve. Breathing God's good air.

Don't worry about them. They're two of the good guys.

They're part of the team.

How do you feel about your team, Steve?

Can they deliver?

Have they got the right stuff for us?

Yes, I think so. With good facilities, I think we can do a first -class job. All

I'm saying, if you want any of them taken out, we can facilitate that.

Any or all of them.

We want you to be happy with your team.

Well, uh... No.

We've had our differences here and there, but, uh... No, I wouldn't want to

any of them.

Okay, Steve.

Whatever you say.

Now, you're moving into Kennedy Hall as resident warden, right? Yes, I am. I'm

looking forward to it.

Well, that is, if you... No, no, it's fine. It's great.

I'd like you to develop your role in the university, Steve. Get your quality of

caring at Kennedy Hall.

I'd like your finger on the pulse there.

I guess that name has special vibes for me.

John F. Kennedy.

Yeah.

Ever sense there's someone up there looking down and listening?

You mean John F. Kennedy?

No, not Kennedy.

God?

I'm talking about the Soviets, Steve.

You think I'm kidding?

Just 24 ,000 miles up, there's a Soviet satellite beaming signals back to

Moscow.

And right now, I'd like to think there's a guy in Moscow checking out a screen

saying, holy shit, they're starting something special there in lowlands.

It's a small world, Steve.

I have to leave you now.

Steve, I believe you have the right stuff for us.

Well, let's go to work.

Carry on, sir.

You're quite sure?

All yours, Dr. Baker.

Listen, staff nurse, my only concern is the patients and their well -being.

Morning. That should be your priority, too.

If you want to have a moan, go and talk to a sister, but do it during your own

time, not when you're on duty.

Thank you. Sir, Brian has a nice thing. This is a hospital filled with sick,

sick people needing our care.

The medical centre is closed. There is no point in waiting.

If it's an emergency, you can telephone the emergency number.

Hello, Mrs. Kramer.

Oh, hello, Dr. Dacre.

Isn't this wonderful?

Yes, it does seem rather wonderful. I can't quite believe it.

Of course, the patients are going to spoil it, though. I mean, clashing with

colour schemes, leaving all their awful specks and stains everywhere.

A doctor buzzard. Thought we might be able to make them all wait outside in

rain.

But I don't suppose that's really on, though.

Is it?

Mrs. Kramer.

Oh, that's not a patient.

That's Mr. Perks of Estates and Buildings.

Jeffrey Perks. Pleased to meet you, Dr. Dacre.

Trust you'll find everything up to specification?

Well, if I didn't specify anything, I'm not sure I'd know.

All here, Dr. Taker. Think you'll find it all in order. We've really moved

heaven and earth on this one.

Shall we?

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry!

Given your prestigiously high security rating, you'll be pleased to hear.

Well, actually, a health centre's supposed to be accessible.

One body lab, as specified.

Be with you later, buddy.

Can't stop now.

This new gear is magic.

Just run the whole battery of tests on young Maureen here.

Won't bore you with the details. Main findings were nice strong legs.

working vocabulary of the average hod carrier, and strong positive indications

for a total brain transplant.

Isn't that so, Maureen?

Right.

That is it.

Oh, Maureen. I have better things to do than stand around being cruelly insulted

by this man.

You, Dr. Buzzard, are a pathetic, misogynistic, overgrown schoolboy with

and charm of a Doberman pincher. And how's that? for a hod carrier's

Excuse me.

Nice to see you, Dr. Dacre.

I trust you had a nice, peaceful holiday.

I shall be fit to be spoken to in about half an hour.

Till then, I'm going to listen to my Bruce Springsteen tapes.

That is not going to inconvenience anybody.

And I don't particularly care if they don't.

Sorry.

She was absolutely good as gold till you two came along.

It perks there.

I think he's sexually excited.

Well, there goes another morning's work.

Oh, well, I suggest we postpone the dispensary.

Dr. Rosemary, the area is this way.

If you'd care to check it out for me, Dr. Dacre, if you don't mind, I won't.

Hello, Stephen.

This is beautiful.

Thank you.

The states were remarkably cooperative.

I think we'll be able to do some really significant work here. But forgive me,

Stephen. I do think we should start as we mean to go on.

Don't you?

Well, yes, of course. Naturally.

What do you mean?

Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Rose.

You can't do that.

You mean you're forbidding it?

As head of the practice?

Well, no, of course not. But, I mean, are you saying you don't want to treat

male patients at all anymore?

I haven't finalised my thoughts on that yet, Stephen. I'm not a total

separatist, as you know.

But I felt it was the right time to claim a space for women.

A kind of sanctuary.

What about men? Don't they need sanctuary too?

Oh, Stephen, men have always had sanctuary.

Well, I do think we need to discuss this further, Rose.

Of course, Stephen.

I'll look forward to that.

Right.

The elderly gentleman's in here, Dr. Dager.

Hello, Jock.

Stephen, my dear boy, you've come back.

All is not lost. Of course I've come back. Raring to go.

Making yourself at home?

I have no home. I have no kingdom.

These remnants I have shored against my ruins.

Their eyes are everywhere.

Jock, everything's going to be all right. We've survived.

The new VC believes in what we're doing.

I think.

Well, he must do. I mean, look at all he's given us. We're going to make it

work, Jock.

Poor wee laddy.

Poor little innocent prince.

Stephen?

I want you to have this.

No, I couldn't, really.

Yes, the old stag must bow his antler while the young buck goes into rut.

Take it, Stephen.

Rule my kingdom well.

Well, thank you, Mr. Perks. If you'd like to leave the plans and so on with

me... Help me, Dr. Dacre.

I'm sorry?

I think I'm having a sort of... Look, could you just move the... I don't like

the way he's... Yes, of course. I'm sorry.

You see, our whole philosophy in a state is about stopping people getting what

they want.

We went two years to 1987 without a brickie on the site.

And now three major works in June, all on cost -plus financing.

We're ahead of schedule.

It isn't right.

You might adjust.

It can be very fulfilling getting things done.

Oh, no.

I couldn't cope with the... Oh, no.

But in the meantime, we can certainly give you something to help you with the

symptoms.

Could you? Really?

That's why we're here, Mr. Perks.

I'd like to make this initial meeting quite a short one, just to outline some

the ways we might move forward.

I myself feel very optimistic.

Is that the general feeling?

Rose? I'm quite happy.

I found the new vice -chancellor very receptive to my ideas, rather more so

you've been so far.

No, really.

It was just that I felt that your really wonderful work with the Well Woman

Centre could be developed further.

A Well Person Centre, perhaps.

I'd like you to think about that.

Jock, everything OK so far?

Why, this is hell.

Nor are we out of it, Stephen.

The University of Lowlands has sold itself to the Prince of Darkness.

Well, at least someone's picked up that tab.

Brilliant. Chance to get on with our lives.

I've checked out that body lab, Steve, and it's got everything I've been asking

for for years. Once we get it up and running, we need never see or touch a

patient again.

I'm not sure that's what we're aiming for, Bob.

Well, I am buddy with some very nasty diseases about.

Mind you, half the software's faulty.

This'll make you laugh.

I gave myself a psychometric scan just now and came out as a borderline

psychopath.

Sounds about right to me.

Stephen, I know we're democratic, but do we have to have the servants in for

every meeting?

Listen, you... Maureen, Bob, please.

I was going to say that I'd like to initiate a series of staff workshops,

exploring more fruitful ways we might work with patients, and together, as a

team.

I'd like to have the input of an experienced psychiatric counsellor to

do that.

An excellent idea, Stephen, my dear chap, and I shall be glad to help as a

experienced psychiatric counsellor.

No, no, Jock, I'm really grateful, but you're part of the team, you see.

I really do think we need a detached observer.

Yes, yes, say no more.

I understand, Stephen, how you would need to spurn and humiliate your former

leader. Jock, that's ridiculous.

Aye, and ridicule me too.

I should be grateful you have not flayed me and nailed my belt to the façade.

Oh, do carry on, my dear chap. Pay no attention to old Jock.

Just a couple of routine things.

Medicals for new academic staff.

A Dr. Grotowska in art history.

I'll take care of him if you like.

And Greg Trout in mechanical engineering.

Any offers?

Oh, what the hell, Mother Falke.

I'll take the engineer.

I like engineers.

Cheerful chap. No intellectual pretensions.

No intellect.

Ah, thanks, Bob.

Well, I sense that's just about as far as we can go today.

Look, I know it's a very difficult transition for us all, but I do think we

could try and approach it positively.

Thank you all very much.

May I?

Of course, Rose.

This isn't a no -go area.

Don't be bitter, Stephen.

Well, I can't see how I managed to alienate everyone.

Really? You were strong, Stephen.

You claimed your territory as head of the practice.

I admired that.

Responded to it.

Thank you, Rose.

Perhaps especially because I understand the pain you're going through just now.

No, I'm fine, honestly, Rose.

I do empathise. I'm not a man.

But for you, at your age, with a broken marriage behind you, to be rejected by

someone you love so much... Lynn didn't exactly reject me, Rose. She was offered

a good job and she took it.

I thought she would have approved of that.

I do myself.

Really. Don't put away the pain, Stephen.

No, to be rejected by someone you love so much...

Well, I should think it must feel rather like having your penis cut off.

I hadn't quite envisaged it like that, Rose.

Oh, I think you have, Stephen.

Deep down in your essential maleness.

Well, thank you very much, Rose. Was there anything else?

Yes, there was, Stephen. I've been thinking about what you said at the

And I'm prepared to offer a male sexuality workshop.

Really?

Oh, that's wonderful, Rose.

You might like to participate when it's underway.

It might help.

Well, thank you, Rose.

I'll certainly think about that.

Good.

It's not unusual to be loved by anyone.

It's not unusual to have fun with anyone.

When I see you hanging about with anyone.

It's not unusual to see me cry.

Aren't you a bit young for this, love?

Do you think you lost the pace?

Drink? No, thanks.

I'm looking for... Excuse me.

When I see you out and about, it's such a crime.

Oh, shit. You're not the new warden bloke.

Yes, I am.

Oh, shit. I didn't think you'd be here yet.

Well, the thing is, all the other rooms are full of geriatric ravers, right?

I got back early. I had to have somewhere to keep and work. Well, it's a

madhouse, this place, right?

Look, I'll be out in five minutes. It's no hassle.

No, hold on.

How did you get in?

Uh, flexible friend.

No, it's all right. I'm a bona fide student.

Sammy Lynn.

Ask anyone.

Here, shake hands.

People always feel better when they shake hands.

Stephen Dacre.

Very pleased to meet you, Stephen.

Engineering student?

No, international law. The bikes for work, 24 -hour deliveries.

I'm working my way through college, right?

But don't you have a grant?

Oh, dear.

Well, some of us have got expensive taste, Stephen, like we need to eat

day sort of thing.

Look, if I kick you out, where are you going to sleep tonight?

You don't want to worry about that.

You're a warden now, and wardens are hard bastards.

If you're not a hard bastard, people are going to take advantage of you.

And you're a hard bastard, aren't you, Sammy?

Soft as shit.

All right, you can sleep on the sofa in here, but just for the night, all right?

Right.

Oh, do take a seat, miss.

Look. Half past two is set. The appointment now is 2 .45.

The doctors are very busy, you know.

Maybe they should organize their time better. Do you think we are not busy

people? Me and these men here?

Do you think we have nothing else to do but lurk about waiting for doctors? I'm

sure I've no idea.

No moping in the

health center, please.

Dr. Grotowski to see Dr. Dacre, please.

Yes? Here I am.

Dr. Grotowska? Yes.

I'm terribly sorry. There's been a misunderstanding.

I was expecting a man.

I wonder if you'd mind making another?

Well, you see, the nurse isn't here this afternoon.

And? Well, for a female patient, she'd normally be present. You can't do this

your own?

Well, yes, of course I can. You're scared of women?

No, of course I'm not. You don't like them?

Well, yes, I do. So where's the problem? Start the medical.

Right.

You're joining the art history department?

Yes. That's interesting. Any special period?

I don't have a special period. I'm a theorist.

My special subject is iconography of the male nude.

I see.

This frightens many men.

Maybe it's me.

I'm Polish, you know.

Yes. Just a few routine questions.

Have you had any medical history we should know about?

No. No serious illnesses, no operations?

No. Have you consulted a doctor over, say, the last five years? No.

You're super fit then. Yeah.

Tell me, have you had any history at all of psychiatric trouble?

You think I'm crazy, is that it?

No, I don't think you're crazy. It's just a question I have to put to you.

Okay, you put it. Good boy, no history.

Anorexia, for example, is extremely common amongst intelligent young women,

an anorexic episode in the past wouldn't be about your appointment.

You think I'm too thin. That's your problem. I like to eat. Don't worry.

All right.

Well, I'd like to examine you now, so if you just go behind that screen and sit

down to your bra and pants.

This is necessary?

I'm afraid so, yes. It won't take very long.

I don't have bra.

Uh, well...

I tell you what, I use my initiative.

In here, right?

Oh, right.

Mechanical engineering, eh?

I don't mind telling you.

If I had my time again, I'd have gone into metal instead of flesh.

Turn around.

What car do you drive? Morgan.

Louder. Morgan. Clear as a bell.

Good cars, too.

Yes, I rebuilt it myself, actually. Did you? By God, now there's a useful skill.

Rebuild my old BMW, if you like.

Falling to bits.

Park next.

Hell, bells!

I'm supposed to be on the squash court in five minutes.

Squash player.

Any good?

Not bad.

I'll play you for a fiver sometime, then. You're wrong, buddy.

Look. It's medical, the joke. You're obviously a fine young fellow, so what

we farting about here for?

Let's get on with our lives.

You take your time and get dressed, and I'll just go and thrash the lodgings,

officer. Right, fine. Thank you very much.

Good, that's fine.

Do you examine your breasts regularly?

Yes, I do.

Good.

Yes, I enjoy it, too.

You're not making this easy for me, are you? That's what women are for, to make

things easy for you.

I'd like to examine your abdomen now.

Help yourself.

Thank you.

You finish already?

Not so interesting as a breast?

If you just sit up and face away from me, I'd like to listen to your lungs.

Ah, no, you don't need to. Just lift it a little, thank you.

Do you want me to say ah?

Or maybe sing to you? No, that's quite all right, thank you.

Would you just lie down on your front for a moment?

What for?

Just for a moment.

I could just... So that's it. You want to get my pants off.

Why didn't you say it at the start?

What's this?

My bum, I should imagine.

No, no, no. This mole.

Well, it's a mole.

You're not the first one to admire it.

How long have you had it?

I don't know. Long time.

It's quite large, isn't it? Has it always been that size? I don't know.

Tell me, has it changed colour at all? I don't know. Do you think I spend all my

time looking at my bum or what? Look, get out of there. I've had enough of

I really think you should see a dermatologist about it. It would

best to have it removed just to be on the safe side. I can arrange that for

Listen, you don't like my mole. That's your problem. There is nothing wrong

it. It's a nice mole.

Probably quite right.

Let me just have another look. No, you've had your fun.

Listen, do you think I don't know what this is all about?

I come in here, I am a woman. You're scared of women.

So to make yourself feel better, you make me take my clothes off and mess

inside my pants and then try to frighten me, yes?

Easy with the foreigner.

What?

time don't pick Polish. Now you know. Dr. Grotowski, it's not like that at

Now, if I'd realized you were a woman, I'd have had a nurse present throughout

the examination.

And then it would have been different, yes?

Yes, it damn well would.

I mean... Yes, I bet it would.

I really do recommend you to see a specialist about that melanoma.

You're telling me I have a cancer, is that it? No, it's almost certainly not

malignant. It's not enough to humiliate you. You want to see me weep with

terror, yes? No, really, look, this is just a dreadful misunderstanding. No, I

don't think so. Am I free?

You go now. Yes, of course.

Hey. Thank you for coming to see me, Dr. Katowska.

Since the Middle Ages, the traditional mode of instruction in higher education

has been the formal lecture.

The lecture, however, is a strikingly ineffective mode of communication.

Research has established that the average attention span of the

audience is only 10 .4 minutes.

New lecturers would do well to note this very significant... Yes?

So that's why you stand here in a gray suit and bore our tits away for 40

minutes? Long time to make one small point, I think.

Yes.

Well?

Here is a slide carousel.

Very simple to operate.

Hey, mister, I think I come back when you get your act together.

Maybe next year, okay?

No, please. This is most important.

Dr.

Kutowska?

You were splendid in there.

No, I mean... Well, you said exactly what I was thinking, only... Well, I'd

never have the nerve.

So, well, I'm Polish.

Hey, I know you. You had the medical. What was it like?

Well, fine.

They didn't make a big deal of it?

Well, no, I was in and out in five minutes, actually. No heavy innuendo, no

groping inside your underpan?

Oh, bloody hell, no.

Look. What do you mean? Not this much.

Look, I'm going down here. Goodbye.

Look, why don't we have a... coffee or something?

Hello,

Cleveland. Oh, no.

Just one night. No, no, it's not like that. It's a social call. I've come to

thanks. Well, you saved my life. I got me bike together, collected the money I

was owed, got me room back.

I'm nearly in position to start thinking about doing an essay.

So, I got you a present, right?

Certainly, I'm overwhelmed.

Hey, Stephen, I wonder if I might ask you. I'm in a state of temporary

upheaval. That wouldn't be a very fortuitous... Come in,

Jock.

no use you waiting, Dr.

Grotowska. Surgery is over.

The doctors have gone home.

The woman hasn't. Dr.

Rosemarie is off duty.

If it's an emergency, you can phone the emergency number.

Couldn't you just ask? Is this so difficult for you?

Good night, Mrs. Kramer.

Good evening.

Can I talk to you, please?

Now. I'm so sorry, Doctor. I did try to explain, but she didn't seem to

understand.

Yes, all right, Mrs. Kramer.

It's Dr.

Grotowska, isn't it? Yes.

But I understood Dr.

Dacre was looking after you. Yes.

That's what they want to talk to you about.

Why do you want to talk to me?

Because you're a woman.

Yes, of course I'll see you, Dr.

Grotowska. Come on through.

Oh, you go on, Mrs. Craver.

I'll look up when I go.

Your very good health, Mr. Lim.

Sammy.

Yeah, right.

Cheers.

Well, this is very pleasant.

I don't recall your face, Mr. Lim. Have I never had the pleasure of treating

you? Probably not, Dr. McKinnon. I'm never ill, see. This will never do.

Where would the medical profession be if everybody took your irresponsible

attitude?

Still, you're an excellent fellow. You sensed, as I did, Dr. Baker's inner

loneliness, and you came to his sucker.

No, I'm fine, Jock. I'm just tired.

Actually, I was thinking of getting to bed early tonight.

No, no, human fellowship is what you crave.

Now, Mr. Lim, Sammy, this chap here is a bit pale about the gills already. If

you could just pop down to the shop and get him a couple of friends, you'd make

an old man very happy. Here, you'll need some of this.

Right, you're on, Jock. And three bindaloo curries to tickle the gonads.

Dr. McCann. Jock, I really don't think this is a good idea. And a bottle of

lemonade for Dr. Dacre.

Jock. No, no, I won't hear a word of thanks.

The forces of evil are mapping against us. You need me at your side, Stephen. I

feel it in my bones. See?

I have come prepared.

Old Jock has come to stay with you.

Oh.

Uh, how long?

As long as you need me, dear man.

As long as you need me.

So.

Not so nice, eh?

Do you believe me or not?

Greta, is it all right if I call you Greta? Sure, but it's Greta like she's

Greta.

I do believe you.

Stephen Dacre is a good doctor, as male doctors go.

He's working under a great strain at present.

So who isn't?

He's recently been appointed head of this practice, and this really is in

confidence.

He's not quite equal to the task.

And his personal life, well, it's a long story, but, well, it was on the cards

that sooner or later Stephen would lose control.

I don't understand what you're saying here.

He's this nice man, can't do his job, mess up sex life, so OK, let him assault

few patients, maybe he'll feel better. Too bad about the patients.

Is that it?

No, it isn't, Greta.

Every woman has the right to consult her doctor without the fear of being

mistreated. Good.

And if I were in your position, I'd feel it my duty to make an accusation of

misconduct for the sake of other women. But I wouldn't press you on that, Greta.

It will involve some embarrassment.

I can stand it.

I don't embarrass so easily.

Good.

I'll be happy to help you prepare it, if you like.

Thanks. The VC should be made aware that it's in the offing.

I could do that for you.

And, Greta, you should consult a dermatologist as soon as possible. The

being, it'll help your case if we can establish there's absolutely no

possibility of a malignant melanoma. I get the point.

I'm not a dozy bugger, you know.

Yes, I grasped that straight away.

Look, Greta, all this must have been a bit of an ordeal for you.

Not too bad.

I was wondering whether you'd like to come back with me for a bite of supper.

Yes.

I would. I mean, you can't have met many people yet.

I'll tell you something.

You're the first person I've met here who is not a bloody idiot.

Come on, Schwarzenberger, we're on in 45 seconds. If you're not out there, I

claim default.

Court physicists were supposed to have some notion of time.

Ah, Trout the engineer.

Ah, hi.

How are you? Never better. How do you get on? Win?

Just about.

Dave Kelly is seeing to.

Not just a pretty face, though.

Tell you what.

You and me, 7 .30 tomorrow morning, right?

Right. Fine.

Be a bloody peasant. This court's booked till 7 .30. Look, you've got to come.

There's a chap collapsed in the changing room.

Look, I'm off duty. I am playing squash. I think he's dead.

Well, a doctor's not going to be much bloody use to him then.

Oh, all right.

God, what it is to have a conscience.

Not much going on there.

Yes, I tell you, he snuffed it. Come on, let's get him over.

Good Lord, Trout.

I'm supposed to be playing him tomorrow morning.

Well, well.

Buzzard wins by default.

Well, I'm sure glad you let me in on this one, Rose.

Gee, though, I don't know, I...

I guess they had Steve Dacre down as one of the right guys.

I think we all did.

Well, these things can be tricky.

Now, this Dr.

Grotowska... Well, I'm not suggesting she made it up, but maybe she just got

wires crossed. Maybe it was just a misunderstanding.

I wish I could agree with you. But, Jack, that sort of misunderstanding

just happen by chance.

I shouldn't imagine that you've ever found yourself in that situation.

Well, I guess not.

No.

When a man is really deeply centered in his masculinity, a woman always knows

exactly where she stands.

One way or another.

Yeah.

Does anybody know where Rose is?

No idea.

Right then, we'll start.

Greg Trout, the new man in mechanical engineering, died last night after

collapsing in the changing rooms.

You went with him to the hospital, Bob.

I was there for three bloody hours.

Daphne was going bananas by the time I got home.

You see, she'd arranged one of her bloody silly dinner parties. Oh, sorry.

You go on.

What did Bagot say to you last night, Bob?

Um, not much.

You know how these consultants bumble on. A lot of old women.

Sorry, Rose.

He was pretty unequivocal on the phone this morning. Hole in the heart.

Absolute rubbish.

You did the medical on him, didn't you, Bob? Yes. I did. Chap seemed fit as a

fiddle. So you checked out the heart, then? Of course I did. No sign of any

heart murmur? None at all.

Are you sure, Bob?

Good God, you know how it is. You go through the motions like shaving.

Anyway, this chap was built like a racehorse. Hole in the heart, I don't

it. I'm not interested in what you believe, Bob. I'm interested in whether

conducted a full and conscientious medical examination, because if you

you brought this practice into disrepute. Don't be so bloody wet.

gentlemen, if I might interpose, is there not another pointed issue here?

The young man leaves a widow in Hull, I understand. That poor wee lass, because

of Bob's lenient examination of her husband, now receives a full university

pension. Absolutely.

Had he died between jobs, uninsurable, where would the poor wee lass be then?

I'm very glad for the widow, but that is not the pointed issue.

Now, I'm sorry, Bob, if there are any legal comebacks from this, you're on

own. Well, thank you very bloody much indeed.

You know what I think? I think you're going off your trolley.

Stephen, may I have a word in private?

Any time this morning would do.

Yes, yes, of course, Rose.

Elaine, have Charlie come in with a file on Steve Dacre.

Oh, yeah, and the...

One on Dr. Rosemary.

Oh, Stephen, I'm awfully sorry about this.

I can't understand it.

She had a melanoma. I told her to get it checked out. It's standard practice.

She seemed a bit upset, but then they often are.

Yes, of course.

Actually, she was an awkward customer, Rose. I don't think I handled her very

well.

Handled her?

Oh, come on. Rose dealt with her.

But you did touch her.

Well, of course I touched her. It was a physical examination, but it was an

absolutely routine job.

Which Nath Gaghan will confirm.

Well, no, she won't. She wasn't there.

Oh, Stephen, was that wise?

Oh, there was some sort of clerical error. Dr. Gutowsky was entered as a

Oh.

What?

You don't think there's anything in this, do you, Rose?

Stephen, I know you've been going through a...

difficult emotional time.

But I know you wouldn't deliberately do anything unethical.

I'll do all I can to help you with your defense.

You really think it's going to come to that?

She's a very determined young woman, Stephen.

But I want you to know you can count on me as a friend and a colleague.

Hey, Doc.

Ron Rust.

Art council fellow in creative writing, as ever was.

They've renewed my contract.

And that's not all.

They love me at the BBC.

They want a second series.

It's not right, though, is it?

I mean, blokes like you and me, we were meant to suffer.

I am suffering.

You look all right to me. What's the matter?

I've lost my girlfriend.

I've made a new enemy.

And I'm facing charges of gross misconduct.

Oh.

Oh, I see.

Lovely day, though.

But you have no appointment, Dr. Kretaska. But is he in?

I'm afraid I can't tell you. Excuse me. Yes, so he's in. Is anyone with him?

All right. I'll go and find out.

Dr. Kretaska!

Hi, it's me.

No, look, you and I shouldn't be talking.

But I want to tell you something. I won't take long. I'm sorry, this may

rude. No, I don't actually mind if it does or not. I don't want to talk to

You can say what you want to say to the GMC.

I'm not going to do that now.

You're not?

I changed my mind.

Oh, you did.

Well, thank you very much indeed.

Look, I want to say something to you. It's not so bad it won't kill you.

Five minutes.

All right.

They took my mole away.

Oh, yes.

And the consultant, he said, okay, not malignant.

I'm glad.

She said, absolutely right to refer me for biopsy.

You must have a pretty sharp GP, she said.

I said, funny, he seems a bit of an asshole to me.

An asshole or not, you thought he knows what he's doing.

Thank you.

I thought I ought to tell you this.

Don't expect you get too many compliments being a bit of an asshole

everything.

I thought I ought to tell you I... I don't think you're so bad.

I see.

I don't suppose you've any interest in what I think of you.

I think you're one of the most unpleasant and aggressive people I've

very long time.

I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. It was very unprofessional.

You think I am a rude, nasty girl?

Yes, I do.

Good.

You can see me again if you like.

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