Original subtitles

It's a long way from anywhere you've ever been before.

Got to get your act together.

We're not sure.

We're not sure.

will bring evidence to show that the respondent has proved to be a total

of space in every aspect of their marital life together.

The court has already heard from the respondent's mother of his woeful

inadequacy of a son, from malicious bedwetting, to his failure to take her

to lunch on Mothering Sunday in 1917 -17.

I can explain.

And we have also heard how the defendant masqueraded as a doctor at the

University of London, an imposter which he has continued to the present day.

But I am the doctor.

Do you wish to call any witnesses in your defense?

I...

I'm telling you.

So late to see you.

I thought two nuns were going to excavate me.

No, I mean execute me.

Nuns again?

They had a big axe.

BC was there.

So was my wife.

They were all in it together.

What are you doing?

Wait, nearly finished.

I needed a pace, you see.

You could find out what I was going to say.

There.

Isn't that beautiful?

Is it?

Beautiful, original, elegant.

And it's never been said before.

What does it say?

It says two nuns are going to execute Dr. Taker.

As you know, it's been a matter of policy within the university since

1971 that all new appointments to the academic and administrative staff should

have a full medical examination before the appointment is confirmed.

I was lying in the bath last night and a vision suddenly shot into my head of

old Skinner Joyce at last year's convocation.

Falling off the stage because he somehow managed to tie his shoelace together.

Absolutely gaga.

Tragic, too, of course, in a way, but still.

This isn't part of the letter, is it?

No.

Full medical examination before the appointment is confirmed.

This, as you also know, is now standard practice throughout the British Isles.

A delicate question, therefore, arises regarding the situation of those members

of the academic staff appointed before that date.

In today's stringent economic climate, this university is subject to the

sharpest scrutiny.

I'm sure you'll agree that we owe it to these senior colleagues to ensure that

their security of tenure is unsaleable on medical grounds.

Rather a neat one, don't you think?

Wouldn't that include you, Vice -Chancellor?

Certainly not.

Oh, yes, of course.

You had that plushy booper screening, didn't you?

Quite.

I'm therefore requesting the University Medical Centre to move ahead on this one

without delay.

And he wants us, I quote the dwarf's own exclamable prose, to move ahead on this

one without delay.

But there must be scores that people appointed before 1971.

Most of the senior academic staff, yes.

The full medical's very time -consuming. How are we going to fit them all in?

Ah, he thought of that. I don't think you've fully appreciated the devious

of our leader.

As the whole exercise will be of necessity a time -consuming business, I

asking the senior academic registrar to furnish a confidential list of those

colleagues whose security of tenure is a matter of special priority to the

university during this transitional period.

Oh, that's very thoughtful of him.

Isn't it? Oh, Stephen.

You mean he's picking out his own special cronies for priority treatment?

wouldn't do that, would he?

The list I've had from the senior registrar isn't a list of Ernie's

cronies, Stephen, rather than of us.

You mean it's a hit list?

I feel so, Bob.

Brilliant! Who's on it?

Leo Architrave, social psychology, both professors of education, Skinner Joyce,

philosophy, James Gland, the scrote leader in classical studies, Cannon

Cannon Pottle, who's he?

Walton of Kennedy Hall.

Oh, yes. Very strong on tucking his charges up in bed and wrestling with

souls. He's had it coming. Who else?

Lillian Hubbard.

That's a little rough, I must say.

Oh, it's outrageous, surely.

She's the one really distinguished name on the list.

Students actually come to do history here because of her. She's got an

international reputation. All the work was done a long time ago, though, wasn't

it? Anyway, who needs history?

Sorry. Have I said something crass and philistine again? Well, it's true, isn't

it? Anyway, her dog bit Hemingway's wife.

That, I should have thought, would predispose him in her favour.

So what has he got against her?

She's a woman.

Oh, dear, really?

Gender on the agenda again?

She's also a hall warden. Fairly hall.

The only all -women's hall in the university.

Of course.

How astute of you, my dear.

It's the building he wants.

With Lillian Hubbard out of the way, he could convert it into a rest home for

rich crooks or whatever takes his fancy.

Poor old Lillian.

Much of progress. Nothing we can do about it. But look, surely we're being

aren't we? Exactly.

Well, I'm not sure we should go along with that.

Certainly not in all cases. Well, not in any cases.

I think we have to steam up.

The poison dwarf's motive may be vile, but his logic is impeccable. Everyone

appointed since 1971 has had a medical.

He's simply eliminating an anomaly.

And he's absolutely right.

I've got a lot of time for old Ernie, you know.

Got some bloody good ideas.

And he's put together a good hit list for starters.

I mean, in any sane world, old Skinner Joyce would have been put down and gone

to pussy heaven years ago.

Be doing him a kindness.

But don't look at me like that. If the poor old buggers get through the

they're laughing. If not, let's get them on the front of Bournemouth with the

old rug and wheelchair where they belong, eh?

How very delicately you put things, Bob.

As a matter of fact, it didn't quite reach the end of Hitler's stage one.

There was still one other name on it.

Who? J .G. McKenna named D.

Oh.

I don't know.

I thought I really liked this university.

Come on, you still do.

I still like a lot of things about it.

I like the patients.

I like my little flat.

I like you.

But you know, it's funny.

Old Jock told me when I first arrived that this place was a swamp of fear and

loathing.

I didn't believe a word of it then.

I do now.

Jock's on the hit lift.

VCs as good as told me I could start looking for other jobs. Honestly, almost

everyone I see is scared.

I think the university, Jock calls it.

I think he's right.

It's just a place, Stephen.

Lots of people like him.

Look at them.

Look. Some of them are actually smiling.

So they are.

Wait till they get on the hit list, eh?

Do you think I'm getting all this out of proportion?

Look, I'm worried about those nuns.

They're all right.

Not opening parcels or sharpening axes?

They're sitting quietly drinking their coffee and nicking the sugar lamps.

Why are they nicking the sugar lamps? I don't know. Maybe they know a horse.

It was a very vivid dream, Lynn.

Yes, it must have been. You were in it, but you just ran away.

Yes, I know.

They told me.

I'm here now, though.

Yes.

Look, what is it?

You haven't been like this for ages.

Is it the support?

Oh, partly, I suppose.

I mean, it's exactly the right thing for her to do, mate. I never was any use to

her.

You know, six years of your life are officially written off as a failure.

Well, I hate to satisfy other people's expectations.

Aren't I?

What am I here for, then?

Good night.

Sorry, I can't forget.

Happy thinking.

It's the business of the medicals that I have to deal with. You can handle that.

Maybe some of them want to retire, though. Might have been waiting for the

chance. Make an official health job, they get a good deal in a lump sum and

annuity. The ones that do want to carry on, well, it might be fitting now,

mustn't it?

Otherwise they wouldn't feel like it, would they?

So?

You give them the medical report they want to get?

That's really good. Do you think it's ethical?

Ethical's a hard word for me, Doc.

Don't forget I'm just a policewoman at heart.

Said you wanted to have a word, Jock.

Did I?

Yes, I did.

Now, what was it?

It is his medical business.

No problem. I'd be delighted to give you the once -over, just for form's sake.

Yes, I'm sure you would, Bob.

Very kind of you to offer, and most grateful.

But I think I must decline.

Fair enough.

No, my old bones need very gentle handling. In fact, I'm thinking of

of my archaeology to come and pick over the remains.

Oh, rubbish.

You're as fit as a flea. Yes, perhaps.

Rather an elderly flea.

I may not hop as high as in former years, but I can still bite.

Our leader wants a representative from the practice on his forward innovations

team. The Lord alone knows what that is. But I thought it sounded right up your

alley, Bob.

Robert. Yes, it does, doesn't it?

Well, I'd be glad to. Thanks very much, Jock. Not at all, my dear chap. Find out

what's cooking, eh?

Besides our goose.

Not that bad, is it, Jock? Rumour has it that the DEF are thinking in terms of a

25 % cut on funding.

This horrible Innovations Committee may be on its last attempt to save its bacon

before the axe falls.

There you have it, gentlemen.

A pleasant building, I think you'll agree. Very convenient, very salubrious.

Fairly hauled.

Fairly run down in its present state, of course. But with the sort of generous

endowment that we've been discussing, the interior can be quite transformed.

Accommodation at senior executive level and a totally redesigned ground floor to

afford luxurious small conference facilities. And, of course, we put in a

and restaurant with a first -class Japanese chef.

Raw fish direct from Grimsby, that kind of thing. Steam bath, jacuzzi,

everything you can feel at home.

Mr.

Sakamoto is interested that all the rooms are occupied by beautiful young

just now.

Yes, well, it is being used temporarily as student accommodation, but we'll get

rid of all... We'll find alternative accommodation for all the young women.

That's no problem at all.

Mr.

Takamatsu says he hopes not all of them.

Very good,

Mr. Sakamoto. No, no, no, no. We can discuss all the final arrangements in

committee. But we were considering that in view of the very, very generous

benefaction, that we would make some form of recognition, perhaps by renaming

the converted house, uh, Sakamoto Lodge, something of that sort.

Oh, damn.

Morning, Lillian.

Morning, Vice -Chancellor.

Leave it, Otto!

Good morning, gentlemen. Can I help in any way? No, thank you, Lillian. We're

just making a tour of inspection.

Flogging off my girls' rooms for the vacation again, no doubt.

Well, I trust these gentlemen will conduct themselves more decorately than

last lot you foisted on me.

Consolidated... Stuff your door on walls or whatever they were.

This does happen to be my home throughout the year, you know.

Did I say real, Otto?

Oh, boy.

Consolidated paint, that's it.

Excuse me, I'm sure.

Important work to do.

Otto!

That was Dr Hubbard, gentlemen.

She'll be retiring in the summer.

It's a bit deep for me, that.

I mean, shouldn't it be like a boat without a rudder or an egg without salt,

something like that?

I mean, I may be a bit dense, but...

Fish don't actually need bicycles, do they?

No, they don't.

Ah, got it now. Yes.

Say no more.

Yes. Really packs a punch, that one. And it's the sort of thing you can look at

day in, day out. Never goes stale on you like Van Gogh's sunflowers or the

Pirelli calendar.

What are we going to do about poor old Jock?

Terrible situation to be faced with.

We must do everything we can to help him, mustn't we?

Done my best.

Offered to give him the once -over, turned me down. I made a tentative

myself. No luck?

Afraid not.

He doesn't seem to trust us, Bob.

He wouldn't flip Stephen a fiver, would he? Like you do for a dodgy M .O .T.

Stephen, I'm afraid, is incorrigibly honest.

Now, what I fear he'll do is get in touch with one of his old college

Someone in the same position, perhaps.

And they can give each other a clean bill of health.

Such a shame.

For such a distinguished career to dwindle into incompetence and

Right, absolutely.

It doesn't take much imagination to envisage what an impartial medical

Jock would look like. Lord, no. Signs are there for anyone to see.

Tremor, memory loss, brain damage. You or I or Stephen could fill in the spaces

without even examining him. No problem.

If it weren't unethical.

Oh, right.

Absolutely.

You're not seriously suggesting I should say 99, are you, Dr. Dacre? What a

curious fellow you are. Anything at all would do, Dr. Herbert.

Last portion of Clusium, by the nine gods, he swore that the great house of

Tarquin should suffer wrong no more.

By the nine gods, he swore it and named a drifting day and bade his messengers

ride forth to summon his array.

East and west and south and north, his messengers ride... What do you think?

Lays of ancient Rome.

Clever chap.

Yes, Macaulay.

Not a very sound historian.

Would you stand on the scales, please?

Rather a naive hero worshipper without an informing theory, like the rest of

tribe.

Still, when one looks around today... Eight stone twelve?

Yes, exactly.

I never varied off today, because I've weighed the same for 30 years.

I often wonder why I bother to get on with... Tell you your weight thing. It's

purely a matter of routine, like brushing one's... Damn it.

Shoes?

Teeth.

I'm rather on edge, Dr Dacre, I'm afraid.

You've absolutely nothing to worry about. You're doing fine.

Now, if you'd just like to turn and face that print on the wall for a moment.

Not a very good print, Dr Dacre. Well, not really a print at all as such.

a poor commercial reproduction.

Wood round the outside's the best thing about it.

What would you say it was worth?

What?

I was just wondering if it had any value.

None whatsoever.

Not that you're interested.

You're attempting a crude test on my hearing, which is quite adequate for

purposes.

Yes, you're quite right. I'm sorry.

No need to be. Just doing your job, no doubt.

Now, there's a phrase that resonates through history.

Come and sit down, Dr. Howard.

Yes.

So much for the physical.

Now for the finality check, eh?

Not at all. You're in excellent physical shape.

The world of scholarship is more concerned with my mental shape, I should

imagine.

I was just wondering if there's anything you'd like to tell me about or ask me

about. You haven't consulted a doctor for ten years, you say. No problems at

all? Not at all.

Well, a dizzy spell, blackout, it's quite common.

Do you think I'd tell the university if I had?

You seem a very pleasant young man, Dr Dacre, but I can hardly afford to trust

you.

Moreover... I'm quite capable of reading upside down, and I do know that mild

aphasia... Thank you for adding the query. Very undogmatic of you.

But aphasia is a kind of speech loss caused by brain damage, often from a

or a tumour. Am I right or am I wrong?

You're quite right, Dr Hubbard. I haven't had a stroke, Dr Dacre.

I'm eccentric, which is neither an illness nor a crime.

I tend to remember important things and forget trivial ones, especially when I'm

preoccupied or agitated, both of which I am now.

So at the moment, no doubt it will come back later, the name of that thing over

there, you stand on it and it tells you how heavy you are, totally escapes me.

Nor, now I come to think of it, can I recall the name of that thing in your

hand. You write things down with it and you can crop them out as well.

Pencil. Pencil, yes.

What a boring thing to have to remember.

Am I to go on Ernie Hemingway Scrappy because I can't remember the name for

whatever it was?

What was it?

Pencil. Very good.

I'll tell you what, Dr. Dacre.

I'll make a bargain with you.

You can remember things like what to call a pencil and a pair of scales, you

see? Told you it would come back.

And I remember the hard bits.

What are the Harlins?

Well, for example... I could tell you the names of all the mourners at

Eleanor Marks' funeral.

Who said what? And exactly what the political significance was to be in

European socialism.

And in terms of what in those days they called the woman question. Now, there's

a chapter I can write without recourse to notes.

I could tell you about all the undergraduates in my charge.

Give you a detailed reference for each and every one of them without opening a

file.

I can also recall, with perfect accuracy, events in the

short and inglorious history of this university that would make you jump out

your thoughts, Dr. Dacre.

I'm sure you could, Dr. Hubbard.

Come round to tea one day, and I will.

I'm not old Mother Riley, you know.

I'm the best damned historian you've ever met.

I believe you.

And I'm really very anxious indeed about the

outcome of this medical.

I just need five more years, Dr. Dacre.

Four would do it a pinch.

The next item is to receive the report on the Science Park implementation and

move ahead accordingly.

Are you sure you're in the right room, Lillian? This is the Forward Innovations

Committee. Very interested in Forward Innovations, Vice -Chancellor. Otto,

Sit. Yes, but you're not actually on the committee.

Senate regulations permit non -voting observers, I think you'll find.

Yes, yes, but... And they say nothing whatsoever about dogs, one way or the

other.

Well, I'm sure they're very grateful for your input, Dr Hubbard.

Well, now, I'm very happy to say that the Sakamoto Corporation has

agreed to take up a substantial research and development facility in the new

Science Park, working closely with the electronics and cybernetics departments

of the university.

The level of funding from the corporation is at present confidential.

But I can tell you that it is indeed substantial with allowances sufficient

endow a new chair in Cybertronics.

Now, you have the full outline before you in paper F -123A.

Are there any questions?

Presumably, there'll be quite a number of Sakamoto researchers and executives

working here, Vice -Chancellor.

Oh, yes, indeed it are.

30 initially, rising to 75.

Just like to say that the university medical service will be happy to offer

full facilities to our Japanese colleagues.

Thank you, Dr. Buzzard.

May I ask a question?

Where are they all going to live?

Well, that's one which we have to... Fairly whole.

A very pleasant building.

I'm well aware of that.

I think our people will be very happy there. Yes, that's just one of a number

possible options.

Of course, the interior will be completely destructured.

Indeed, it will not.

I'm afraid you've been seriously misled, sir.

Fairleigh Hall is a hall of residence for women, and that is how it will

Yes, well, I'd like to move on now, clearly there's some confusion here.

we could discuss this later on, Dr Hubbard.

Nothing to discuss.

Start with the question.

You'll have to find somewhere else for your new friends.

Good morning, gentlemen.

How are those medical reports coming along?

It's a painful business, a painful business.

Well, Jock, not all of it's been too distressing.

Leo Arcadray from social psychology seems quite keen on converting his

disc into a golden handshape.

Apparently he's got a nice little job to go to in Canada where they let him lie

on the floor all day.

Old Skinner Joyce lay on the floor in my consulting room for at least ten

minutes. Tripped over the rug as he came in. Didn't seem to notice he wasn't

upright. Anyway, there's another sculpt for the bath chair brigade.

Cannon Pottle lay on that couch and whipped.

Pull yourself together, Pottle, I told him. You're in better shape than I am.

But he wouldn't have it.

No, no, Jock, he sobbed. I am not a well man, I am not a good man, and my work

here is over.

Poor fellow, he was waiting for all his boys, all those generations of boys that

he cared for in Kennedy Hall.

You know, Jock, he whispered, they were all my sons.

Good God, were they really?

Well, it's about time you packed it in, then.

You had Lillian Hubbard, didn't you, Stephen?

Yes.

She's fine. No problems.

Apart from being deaf as a post, aphasic from a stroke she's not telling anybody

about, and mad as a hatter in general.

What?

Sorry. Must have picked up your rough notes by mistake.

Well, she is, isn't she? All those things.

No, she isn't.

Those were...

They were tentative speculations, but I rejected them.

She is very slightly deaf. After all, she's getting on a bit. Well, isn't that

the point, buddy? We're supposed to be weeding out the geriatric. She's very

slightly deaf, but that isn't a problem.

She has a slightly eccentric memory. That's not a problem either. And she

as mad as I had her. She's one of the sanest people in this university. Not

that's saying very much.

What does she do?

Bung your case of scotch?

Look, Bob.

I haven't hit anyone on the nose since I was in junior school. Gentlemen,

gentlemen. Right, fine, sorry.

Take it back. No offence intended.

Just a bit of a snag, that's all.

Ernie is very keen to get her out of Fairleigh. Japs have set their heart on

Multi -million endowment swinging in the balance.

And it would just suit everybody and keep us all in employment if your

speculation turned out to have a bit of mileage in them. Well, they haven't.

She's fine, Bob. I'm sorry to disappoint you.

Can I come in, Stephen?

You're very upset, aren't you?

It's a place.

I know.

I know they have to be cut.

I ought to know what Bob Burrard's like by now. I'm even quite fond of him in a

way, but she's a person, Rose. She's not an inconvenient obstacle. She's a very

fine person. Yes, she is.

And I was very moved by your support for her.

I was quite disturbed by the strength of my response to your anger, Stephen.

I'd rather lose control of myself.

Perhaps you should lose control of yourself more often.

I found myself... How can I put this?

Responding to you as a woman.

Oh.

Yes.

I don't think you fully appreciate the strength of the response you evoke in

women, Stephen.

Yes, I do. I've been a profound disappointment to women from my mother

Oh, no.

You know, for a moment in there, I really wanted to see you fight Bob.

Physically.

I felt that as a woman.

Oh.

I do want to see you fight, Stephen.

But Bob isn't a worthy opponent.

You're going to have to fight with Ernest Hemingway.

What, physically?

Oh, if they come to that.

He isn't going to give up easily. He wants Lillian Hubbard out and you become

her champion.

You're going to have to show him that you're not frightened of him.

But I am frightened of him.

Oh, no, you're not, Stephen.

Not deep inside.

Not in your essential maleness.

I know this as a woman.

Deep inside, Ernest Hemingway is frightened of you.

You see?

But you're going to have to teach him that.

It may be necessary for you to lose control of yourself.

No. Relax, Dr. McKellen, relax. It is just a rooting matter. You're a fine man

to your age.

A fine man.

Another piece of faulty equipment.

Can't touch anything nowadays.

Let's see now.

We adjust for the normal distribution curve, take away the number we first

thought of, and we have 140 over 90.

Well, Dr. McKenna, that's very satisfactory.

I congratulate you.

I think this calls for a wee celebration, don't you?

And then we'll see if he can conjure up for me.

You're in sample.

Yes, Vice -Chancellor, we've more or less completed the first batch, and you

should have got the reports now.

Pretty much what we expected, by and large.

Yes. Two or three good scalps there.

Shame about Jock McKinnon.

You take it hard. Fine career.

Yes, we're all a bit cut up about it here.

Yeah, so much so you forgot to sign it.

Just pop over sometime and do that, would you, Bossard?

Well, yes, right.

Actually, it was Dr.

Rosemary. Whichever one of you it was. Now then, what about Lillian Hubbard?

Matter of priority, that.

She'll be with you now, Vice -Chancellor.

I haven't seen it.

I'm afraid it's not very helpful, sir.

Dorothy?

Not anything.

Doesn't look as if he did.

Yes, well, I'm only a layman, of course, but this looks like rather a sloppy bit

of work to me.

Still, too late now. I've got the university architects over at Ferry Hall

morning.

I was hoping for a bit more input from you on this one, Buzzard.

Feel a bit let down?

Not my fault.

Right, Dorothy, I'll see Archytrae first, I think, and then Skinner Joyce,

assuming he can get up the stairs.

Vice -Chancellor. What?

I think there's something rather odd going on.

Charming ceremony.

These fine young women in the chains, I like this very much.

Could you explain the symbolism, please?

We are here to deny you access to our home, gentlemen.

We who study history, we who live in history, must be prepared to play our

in history.

Gentlemen, I have nothing against any one of you personally, but I say to you

deadly earnest that unless you sling your hooks double quick, we'll set the

on you.

to step over here at his earliest convenience, would you, Dorothy?

Right, Miss Stevenson.

You toddle off to Bootsford, that little lot, and all your troubles will be

over. Fine, fine. See you in two weeks. Bye.

Oh, hello, Rose.

Have you got a moment, Robert?

All the time in the world for you, Rose.

Appreciate that.

You calling me Robert?

I often feel your contribution is fully appreciated, Robert.

Oh, really?

I was very impressed with the calm way in which you handled Stephen's little

outburst.

I responded to your strength and your dignity, Robert.

Oh, well.

You can't take things too seriously, can you? I mean, I've got quite a soft spot

for old Stephen, you know, even though he does carry on like a big girl

sometimes. Oops, beg your pardon. I mean, we all... I'll get the old remiss

and then.

I think it's rather more than that, Robert.

I'm really quite worried about Stephen.

He came to see me afterwards and talked in quite an hysterical way about how you

were his enemy and how Hemingway was his enemy.

It was quite disturbing.

Really?

Old Dickie Dado going round the twist?

I think he might be heading for a little breakdown.

I wonder if the Vice -Chancellor should know about it.

Oh, yes.

I think he should, really. Only fair.

Well, Robert, you seem to have his ear at present.

Yes, he does seem quite pleased with my input.

Especially Jock's report.

Jock's report?

Yes.

You know.

You persuaded Jock to let you examine him after all?

Well, no, but I mean, as you said, any fool could... fill in the gaps without

actually examining him.

And you actually went ahead and did it?

Well, that's what I thought.

Yes, I did.

Oh, Bob.

Don't you think that was a little rash?

Well

now,

Dacre.

Stephen, is it?

I thought this might be a good time to have a little chat about your career

prospect here.

I didn't think I had any career prospects here, Vice -Chancellor. Well,

situations can change remarkably quickly, you know.

Of course, it's always difficult to keep brilliant chaps like you, but, well, in

view of Jock McCannon's early retirement plans, I was hoping we might be able to

tempt you.

I didn't know Dr McCannon was planning to retire.

Oh, I think you'll find I'm right.

And that opens up some interesting possibilities.

I just wanted to make sure that... How can I put it?

You have the university's best interests at heart.

Oh, yes, of course I have.

Good.

This is a terribly sad business.

Poor Lillian Hubbard.

She and I go back a long way, you know. I knew her at Oxford when she was a

girl. Tragic business.

I very much hope we can deal with it.

I'm sorry, I don't think I understand Lillian's mental breakdown. I mean, this

bizarre behaviour, chaining girls to railings, selling the dogs on university

architects. She needs help and support, Stephen.

Skilled psychiatric help and support.

Oh, God, I've done my best on this one. I've tried to reason with her on the

telephone, but I'm sorry to say she became quite abusive, quite abusive.

Now... I understand that she has something of a soft spot for you and

enough for Jock McKinnon.

And what I thought was that if you and Jock could somehow get in there and chat

to her, you might be able to get her to cooperate.

I'd certainly be prepared to go and talk to her and listen to her and help her

if I could, but I don't think... Good man.

And if she doesn't see reason... Well, I'm not too hot on the technicalities,

but...

Isn't there something called sectioning?

Sectioning? Something like that.

Under sections 2, 3 and 4 of the 1983 Mental Health Act, two doctors can

a patient to a mental hospital without the patient's consent.

Is that what you mean?

Exactly.

You want us to commit Lillian Hubbard to a mental hospital because she's

inconveniencing your plans for Fairleigh Hall? No, no, no, no. In her own

interest.

God, no.

There's no stigma attached to mental illness these days. We all live in the

century, I hope, and of course we'd all prefer it to be voluntary, but I fear

she's too far gone for that.

Can't you see... Can't you see that that's a monstrous suggestion?

Sectioning is only used in the most urgent and extreme of cases where the

patient's actually dangerous. Now, she's not dangerous. She's not even... She's

extremely dangerous. She's endangering the viable future of this university,

that includes your future as well as mine.

I hope I make myself clear.

Stephen.

I won't do it.

Now, don't say any more. Just now, you've been under a strain. We've all

under a strain in this very difficult time.

Some of us, of course, bear up under the strain better than others.

Go away, my boy. Think about it.

Consider where your own best interests lie.

And then it suddenly came to me.

He's crazy.

Of course he is. But either he is or I am.

No, it's him. You're OK.

Just a bit neurotic.

Thanks very much, then. It's a great relief.

You're welcome, Doc. Any time.

You really think he's crazy?

Yep. Well, don't you think someone ought to know about it?

No point.

He functions perfectly in his context. I mean, madness is a social construct,

like ideas of who's pretty and who's a criminal.

This university's a crazy place. That means when you're in it, crazy's the

People like you, me and Lily, we're the misfits.

You're not really serious, are you, Linda?

Only partly.

I don't have to be really serious. I'm not going to be here forever.

I can have a bit of fun while I'm here and then get back to the real world.

And, um, you know I finished my research project?

Yes.

Well, maybe now's the time to go.

But I thought... Well, don't they want to renew your fellowship?

Yeah, they do.

But, uh, I don't want to get sucked in.

I've been getting a bit of a real -world nostalgia lately.

But this is the real world to Lillian Hubbard and Jock McCallum. They really

need it. Yeah, I know. And in a lot sort of way, I know it sounds crazy, but it

sort of feels like the real world to me.

Yeah, I was afraid of that.

It's got you, Stephen.

This mad university's got you in its grip.

It's not just Jock and Lillian that really need it. You really need it too.

Right, and it needs us.

More than it needs a science park? Oh, much more than it needs a science park.

More than it needs Ernest Hemingway. What this place needs is people like

Lillian Hubbard and Chen and even Jock McCarron and you and me.

I think I'm joining the opposition, Lynn.

My hero.

And I wish you'd stay.

Very good of you to come over, Jock.

Oh, it's a pleasure, Lily. I love my business here.

Drinking coffee out of fine china cups to smell of raw power.

Heady stuff, Ernie.

Heady stuff for a simple man like me.

Of course, it goes without saying I'm very, very sorry about this medical

business. Oh, I don't think you need to be, Ernie. I think it's working out

quite well.

I was referring to your own case, Jock.

Really? But you haven't seen the report yet.

What?

I've got it here in front of me.

May I see that?

Thank you, Ernie.

Do I recognize a spore of Dr. Buzzard's rinky -dinky little dot matrix printer?

I see I do.

Oh, dear, oh, dear. I'm afraid young Bobby Buzzard's been having a joke with

you, Arnie. You see, he didn't examine me at all, as I'm sure he'll admit if

pressed. No, no.

Here is the official report on J .G. McCannon.

I think you'll find it a much more promising prognosis.

Can't read the signature.

It's signed by the senior physician in the university, J .G. McKinnon, M .D.

You can't sign your own medical report.

Have your secretary searched for the university regulations, Vice

don't think you'll find they have anything to say on the matter. And while

doing that, you might care to glance through the text of this little book

been writing in the long, sleepless nights, The Thick University.

I think you'll find it interesting.

The publishers are quite excited.

Only a proof copy, of course.

Still time for a few emendations.

I'd be grateful for your thoughts, Arnie, on both matters.

You look a bit peaky to me, Vice -Chancellor.

If you don't mind my saying so, perhaps you ought to see a doctor.

Any new developments, Stephen?

Hemingway's just arrived for the registrar.

He'll be making up his mind whether to call the police.

As a matter of fact, Lillian, it's waiting to see whether Stephen and I can

persuade you to become a voluntary patient in a mental institution.

That is what he thinks you're doing here.

Hear that, Otto?

Doesn't the poor little man realize that we are voluntary inmates in a mental

institution?

Come and sit down, Dr. Dacre.

Have some more... some of this with the red things in.

Thank you. I wonder if they had whiskey and cherry cake in the days of the Paris

Commune. Thank you, Dr. McKinnon. A pleasing image.

One that dignifies our little struggle.

To history, gentlemen.

To history.

Actually, about the only thing I remember from school history is that

always written by the winning side.

Well then, Dr Dacre, we had better be the winning side, had we not?

Yes, we had.

How are we going to do that? I mean, ultimately, Hemingway has all the big

hasn't he?

I'm well aware, Dr Dacre, that the Vice -Chancellor could have me bodily ejected

from Fairleigh Hall.

But at what cost to the reputation of the university?

Do you know?

I think I'm going to prove a little rich for his blood.

I'm very grateful to you both. You've been staunch in my support at no little

cost to yourselves, but I think I can take care of the final stage.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a lecture to give.

My students will show you out by the fire exit. Surely, if you go across to

lecture theatre now, they'll just take over the hall while you're gone.

I had thought of that, Dr Dacre.

That's why I've arranged to lecture from the... It's over there, with glass in.

You can... See through it.

Well, what happened? What the hell's going on?

We had a long talk with Dr. Hubbard.

And? She's agreed to make a statement.

She's coming out?

She did say it was the final stage.

Excellent. Excellent. I'm very grateful to you both.

Let's have a short statement, eh?

This will be my final lecture on problems of historical

interpretation.

And in it, I shall be dealing principally with the vexed question of

to be attributed...

to the evidence of the interested participants.

When I was a very young lecturer at Somerville, I was entrusted with the

supervision of a rather backward M. Bill student from one of the men's colleges.

His dissertation topic was, if I remember rightly, Machiavelli and the

Medici.

And I'm sorry to say that it was never completed.

to the satisfaction of the university examiners.

Dacre, what's she up to?

It's just a lecture, Vice -Chancellor.

When I pointed out the shortcomings of his work to the young man, he explained

his lack of application in terms of the destruction of his thoughts. He had, he

said, fallen head over... Um, what do you call them?

Heels in love with me, he said.

and proposed that we should have sexual intercourse. Or, as he put it at the

time, that he should take me through the gates of paradise.

Oh, no.

I decided that it might be a convenient opportunity to compare the pleasures of

fornication with those of scholarship.

Without going into detail...

The event was something of a disappointment, excepting so far as it

and my devotion to historical research.

The young man's performance in the sexual field was no more inspiring

than his performance in the sphere of scholarship.

The problem was, I believe, that he had such a very small...

...that he only had a tiny... ...internet.

Now, I don't propose for the present athlete to name

the young man in question... ...but let us suppose, as a hypothesis... ...that

in later life he acquires a position of power...

which he uses in an attempt to out me from my job and from my home.

Sectioner! Sectioner! Then, of course, the objective truth of my little

is immediately called into question in a way that highlights the problem that

forms the subject of this lecture.

There you are. You see, she's mad.

Why don't you section her? Why don't you leave her alone?

Oh, why, Stesler? Oh, my God.

Come away, come away, gentlemen. It's a bit noisy here.

Just Dr. Hubbard's farewell address.

Yes, that is what we must do. I'm sorry, Vice -Chancellor.

What? We must come away.

We regret very much.

We have been in conference with Osaka headquarters.

A dim view is being taken.

But this is just a temporary problem, gentlemen, I assure you.

No, no, permanent problem, I believe.

We regret very much. But not unusual in your country.

Very nice height.

Very comfortable plant, but the problem is labour relations.

It really is intolerable that one can't conduct an academic

lecture without suffering interruption and inattention.

If we may continue now.

The second example of the problem of the participant observer is H. M.

Hindman's account...

of the internal disputes of the Socialist Democratic Federation in 1884.

Good lecture?

Very good.

That's good.

Hindman, you will recall, was committed to parliamentary politics in England

rather than to international militancy.

And we have ample access to his historical analysis because he was

journal Justice.

Most subsequent historians have drawn their accounts from this source.

How far, however, Hindman did justice to his opponents is a

thorny problem of interpretation.

A crude way of expressing the problem, and one put to me today, is

that history is always written by the winning side.

Let's examine this view in detail.