All language subtitles for A Very Peculiar Practice s01e06 The Hit List

It's a long way from anywhere you've
ever been before.

Got to get your act together.

We're not sure.

We're not sure.

will bring evidence to show that the
respondent has proved to be a total

of space in every aspect of their
marital life together.

The court has already heard from the
respondent's mother of his woeful

inadequacy of a son, from malicious
bedwetting, to his failure to take her

to lunch on Mothering Sunday in 1917
-17.

I can explain.

And we have also heard how the defendant
masqueraded as a doctor at the

University of London, an imposter which
he has continued to the present day.

But I am the doctor.

Do you wish to call any witnesses in
your defense?

I...

I'm telling you.

So late to see you.

I thought two nuns were going to
excavate me.

No, I mean execute me.

Nuns again?

They had a big axe.

BC was there.

So was my wife.

They were all in it together.

What are you doing?

Wait, nearly finished.

I needed a pace, you see.

You could find out what I was going to
say.

There.

Isn't that beautiful?

Is it?

Beautiful, original, elegant.

And it's never been said before.

What does it say?

It says two nuns are going to execute
Dr. Taker.

As you know, it's been a matter of
policy within the university since

1971 that all new appointments to the
academic and administrative staff should

have a full medical examination before
the appointment is confirmed.

I was lying in the bath last night and a
vision suddenly shot into my head of

old Skinner Joyce at last year's
convocation.

Falling off the stage because he somehow
managed to tie his shoelace together.

Absolutely gaga.

Tragic, too, of course, in a way, but
still.

This isn't part of the letter, is it?

No.

Full medical examination before the
appointment is confirmed.

This, as you also know, is now standard
practice throughout the British Isles.

A delicate question, therefore, arises
regarding the situation of those members

of the academic staff appointed before
that date.

In today's stringent economic climate,
this university is subject to the

sharpest scrutiny.

I'm sure you'll agree that we owe it to
these senior colleagues to ensure that

their security of tenure is unsaleable
on medical grounds.

Rather a neat one, don't you think?

Wouldn't that include you, Vice
-Chancellor?

Certainly not.

Oh, yes, of course.

You had that plushy booper screening,
didn't you?

Quite.

I'm therefore requesting the University
Medical Centre to move ahead on this one

without delay.

And he wants us, I quote the dwarf's own
exclamable prose, to move ahead on this

one without delay.

But there must be scores that people
appointed before 1971.

Most of the senior academic staff, yes.

The full medical's very time -consuming.
How are we going to fit them all in?

Ah, he thought of that. I don't think
you've fully appreciated the devious

of our leader.

As the whole exercise will be of
necessity a time -consuming business, I

asking the senior academic registrar to
furnish a confidential list of those

colleagues whose security of tenure is a
matter of special priority to the

university during this transitional
period.

Oh, that's very thoughtful of him.

Isn't it? Oh, Stephen.

You mean he's picking out his own
special cronies for priority treatment?

wouldn't do that, would he?

The list I've had from the senior
registrar isn't a list of Ernie's

cronies, Stephen, rather than of us.

You mean it's a hit list?

I feel so, Bob.

Brilliant! Who's on it?

Leo Architrave, social psychology, both
professors of education, Skinner Joyce,

philosophy, James Gland, the scrote
leader in classical studies, Cannon

Cannon Pottle, who's he?

Walton of Kennedy Hall.

Oh, yes. Very strong on tucking his
charges up in bed and wrestling with

souls. He's had it coming. Who else?

Lillian Hubbard.

That's a little rough, I must say.

Oh, it's outrageous, surely.

She's the one really distinguished name
on the list.

Students actually come to do history
here because of her. She's got an

international reputation. All the work
was done a long time ago, though, wasn't

it? Anyway, who needs history?

Sorry. Have I said something crass and
philistine again? Well, it's true, isn't

it? Anyway, her dog bit Hemingway's
wife.

That, I should have thought, would
predispose him in her favour.

So what has he got against her?

She's a woman.

Oh, dear, really?

Gender on the agenda again?

She's also a hall warden. Fairly hall.

The only all -women's hall in the
university.

Of course.

How astute of you, my dear.

It's the building he wants.

With Lillian Hubbard out of the way, he
could convert it into a rest home for

rich crooks or whatever takes his fancy.

Poor old Lillian.

Much of progress. Nothing we can do
about it. But look, surely we're being

aren't we? Exactly.

Well, I'm not sure we should go along
with that.

Certainly not in all cases. Well, not in
any cases.

I think we have to steam up.

The poison dwarf's motive may be vile,
but his logic is impeccable. Everyone

appointed since 1971 has had a medical.

He's simply eliminating an anomaly.

And he's absolutely right.

I've got a lot of time for old Ernie,
you know.

Got some bloody good ideas.

And he's put together a good hit list
for starters.

I mean, in any sane world, old Skinner
Joyce would have been put down and gone

to pussy heaven years ago.

Be doing him a kindness.

But don't look at me like that. If the
poor old buggers get through the

they're laughing. If not, let's get them
on the front of Bournemouth with the

old rug and wheelchair where they
belong, eh?

How very delicately you put things, Bob.

As a matter of fact, it didn't quite
reach the end of Hitler's stage one.

There was still one other name on it.

Who? J .G. McKenna named D.

Oh.

I don't know.

I thought I really liked this
university.

Come on, you still do.

I still like a lot of things about it.

I like the patients.

I like my little flat.

I like you.

But you know, it's funny.

Old Jock told me when I first arrived
that this place was a swamp of fear and

loathing.

I didn't believe a word of it then.

I do now.

Jock's on the hit lift.

VCs as good as told me I could start
looking for other jobs. Honestly, almost

everyone I see is scared.

I think the university, Jock calls it.

I think he's right.

It's just a place, Stephen.

Lots of people like him.

Look at them.

Look. Some of them are actually smiling.

So they are.

Wait till they get on the hit list, eh?

Do you think I'm getting all this out of
proportion?

Look, I'm worried about those nuns.

They're all right.

Not opening parcels or sharpening axes?

They're sitting quietly drinking their
coffee and nicking the sugar lamps.

Why are they nicking the sugar lamps? I
don't know. Maybe they know a horse.

It was a very vivid dream, Lynn.

Yes, it must have been. You were in it,
but you just ran away.

Yes, I know.

They told me.

I'm here now, though.

Yes.

Look, what is it?

You haven't been like this for ages.

Is it the support?

Oh, partly, I suppose.

I mean, it's exactly the right thing for
her to do, mate. I never was any use to

her.

You know, six years of your life are
officially written off as a failure.

Well, I hate to satisfy other people's
expectations.

Aren't I?

What am I here for, then?

Good night.

Sorry, I can't forget.

Happy thinking.

It's the business of the medicals that I
have to deal with. You can handle that.

Maybe some of them want to retire,
though. Might have been waiting for the

chance. Make an official health job,
they get a good deal in a lump sum and

annuity. The ones that do want to carry
on, well, it might be fitting now,

mustn't it?

Otherwise they wouldn't feel like it,
would they?

So?

You give them the medical report they
want to get?

That's really good. Do you think it's
ethical?

Ethical's a hard word for me, Doc.

Don't forget I'm just a policewoman at
heart.

Said you wanted to have a word, Jock.

Did I?

Yes, I did.

Now, what was it?

It is his medical business.

No problem. I'd be delighted to give you
the once -over, just for form's sake.

Yes, I'm sure you would, Bob.

Very kind of you to offer, and most
grateful.

But I think I must decline.

Fair enough.

No, my old bones need very gentle
handling. In fact, I'm thinking of

of my archaeology to come and pick over
the remains.

Oh, rubbish.

You're as fit as a flea. Yes, perhaps.

Rather an elderly flea.

I may not hop as high as in former
years, but I can still bite.

Our leader wants a representative from
the practice on his forward innovations

team. The Lord alone knows what that is.
But I thought it sounded right up your

alley, Bob.

Robert. Yes, it does, doesn't it?

Well, I'd be glad to. Thanks very much,
Jock. Not at all, my dear chap. Find out

what's cooking, eh?

Besides our goose.

Not that bad, is it, Jock? Rumour has it
that the DEF are thinking in terms of a

25 % cut on funding.

This horrible Innovations Committee may
be on its last attempt to save its bacon

before the axe falls.

There you have it, gentlemen.

A pleasant building, I think you'll
agree. Very convenient, very salubrious.

Fairly hauled.

Fairly run down in its present state, of
course. But with the sort of generous

endowment that we've been discussing,
the interior can be quite transformed.

Accommodation at senior executive level
and a totally redesigned ground floor to

afford luxurious small conference
facilities. And, of course, we put in a

and restaurant with a first -class
Japanese chef.

Raw fish direct from Grimsby, that kind
of thing. Steam bath, jacuzzi,

everything you can feel at home.

Mr.

Sakamoto is interested that all the
rooms are occupied by beautiful young

just now.

Yes, well, it is being used temporarily
as student accommodation, but we'll get

rid of all... We'll find alternative
accommodation for all the young women.

That's no problem at all.

Mr.

Takamatsu says he hopes not all of them.

Very good,

Mr. Sakamoto. No, no, no, no. We can
discuss all the final arrangements in

committee. But we were considering that
in view of the very, very generous

benefaction, that we would make some
form of recognition, perhaps by renaming

the converted house, uh, Sakamoto Lodge,
something of that sort.

Oh, damn.

Morning, Lillian.

Morning, Vice -Chancellor.

Leave it, Otto!

Good morning, gentlemen. Can I help in
any way? No, thank you, Lillian. We're

just making a tour of inspection.

Flogging off my girls' rooms for the
vacation again, no doubt.

Well, I trust these gentlemen will
conduct themselves more decorately than

last lot you foisted on me.

Consolidated... Stuff your door on walls
or whatever they were.

This does happen to be my home
throughout the year, you know.

Did I say real, Otto?

Oh, boy.

Consolidated paint, that's it.

Excuse me, I'm sure.

Important work to do.

Otto!

That was Dr Hubbard, gentlemen.

She'll be retiring in the summer.

It's a bit deep for me, that.

I mean, shouldn't it be like a boat
without a rudder or an egg without salt,

something like that?

I mean, I may be a bit dense, but...

Fish don't actually need bicycles, do
they?

No, they don't.

Ah, got it now. Yes.

Say no more.

Yes. Really packs a punch, that one. And
it's the sort of thing you can look at

day in, day out. Never goes stale on you
like Van Gogh's sunflowers or the

Pirelli calendar.

What are we going to do about poor old
Jock?

Terrible situation to be faced with.

We must do everything we can to help
him, mustn't we?

Done my best.

Offered to give him the once -over,
turned me down. I made a tentative

myself. No luck?

Afraid not.

He doesn't seem to trust us, Bob.

He wouldn't flip Stephen a fiver, would
he? Like you do for a dodgy M .O .T.

Stephen, I'm afraid, is incorrigibly
honest.

Now, what I fear he'll do is get in
touch with one of his old college

Someone in the same position, perhaps.

And they can give each other a clean
bill of health.

Such a shame.

For such a distinguished career to
dwindle into incompetence and

Right, absolutely.

It doesn't take much imagination to
envisage what an impartial medical

Jock would look like. Lord, no. Signs
are there for anyone to see.

Tremor, memory loss, brain damage. You
or I or Stephen could fill in the spaces

without even examining him. No problem.

If it weren't unethical.

Oh, right.

Absolutely.

You're not seriously suggesting I should
say 99, are you, Dr. Dacre? What a

curious fellow you are. Anything at all
would do, Dr. Herbert.

Last portion of Clusium, by the nine
gods, he swore that the great house of

Tarquin should suffer wrong no more.

By the nine gods, he swore it and named
a drifting day and bade his messengers

ride forth to summon his array.

East and west and south and north, his
messengers ride... What do you think?

Lays of ancient Rome.

Clever chap.

Yes, Macaulay.

Not a very sound historian.

Would you stand on the scales, please?

Rather a naive hero worshipper without
an informing theory, like the rest of

tribe.

Still, when one looks around today...
Eight stone twelve?

Yes, exactly.

I never varied off today, because I've
weighed the same for 30 years.

I often wonder why I bother to get on
with... Tell you your weight thing. It's

purely a matter of routine, like
brushing one's... Damn it.

Shoes?

Teeth.

I'm rather on edge, Dr Dacre, I'm
afraid.

You've absolutely nothing to worry
about. You're doing fine.

Now, if you'd just like to turn and face
that print on the wall for a moment.

Not a very good print, Dr Dacre. Well,
not really a print at all as such.

a poor commercial reproduction.

Wood round the outside's the best thing
about it.

What would you say it was worth?

What?

I was just wondering if it had any
value.

None whatsoever.

Not that you're interested.

You're attempting a crude test on my
hearing, which is quite adequate for

purposes.

Yes, you're quite right. I'm sorry.

No need to be. Just doing your job, no
doubt.

Now, there's a phrase that resonates
through history.

Come and sit down, Dr. Howard.

Yes.

So much for the physical.

Now for the finality check, eh?

Not at all. You're in excellent physical
shape.

The world of scholarship is more
concerned with my mental shape, I should

imagine.

I was just wondering if there's anything
you'd like to tell me about or ask me

about. You haven't consulted a doctor
for ten years, you say. No problems at

all? Not at all.

Well, a dizzy spell, blackout, it's
quite common.

Do you think I'd tell the university if
I had?

You seem a very pleasant young man, Dr
Dacre, but I can hardly afford to trust

you.

Moreover... I'm quite capable of reading
upside down, and I do know that mild

aphasia... Thank you for adding the
query. Very undogmatic of you.

But aphasia is a kind of speech loss
caused by brain damage, often from a

or a tumour. Am I right or am I wrong?

You're quite right, Dr Hubbard. I
haven't had a stroke, Dr Dacre.

I'm eccentric, which is neither an
illness nor a crime.

I tend to remember important things and
forget trivial ones, especially when I'm

preoccupied or agitated, both of which I
am now.

So at the moment, no doubt it will come
back later, the name of that thing over

there, you stand on it and it tells you
how heavy you are, totally escapes me.

Nor, now I come to think of it, can I
recall the name of that thing in your

hand. You write things down with it and
you can crop them out as well.

Pencil. Pencil, yes.

What a boring thing to have to remember.

Am I to go on Ernie Hemingway Scrappy
because I can't remember the name for

whatever it was?

What was it?

Pencil. Very good.

I'll tell you what, Dr. Dacre.

I'll make a bargain with you.

You can remember things like what to
call a pencil and a pair of scales, you

see? Told you it would come back.

And I remember the hard bits.

What are the Harlins?

Well, for example... I could tell you
the names of all the mourners at

Eleanor Marks' funeral.

Who said what? And exactly what the
political significance was to be in

European socialism.

And in terms of what in those days they
called the woman question. Now, there's

a chapter I can write without recourse
to notes.

I could tell you about all the
undergraduates in my charge.

Give you a detailed reference for each
and every one of them without opening a

file.

I can also recall, with perfect
accuracy, events in the

short and inglorious history of this
university that would make you jump out

your thoughts, Dr. Dacre.

I'm sure you could, Dr. Hubbard.

Come round to tea one day, and I will.

I'm not old Mother Riley, you know.

I'm the best damned historian you've
ever met.

I believe you.

And I'm really very anxious indeed about
the

outcome of this medical.

I just need five more years, Dr. Dacre.

Four would do it a pinch.

The next item is to receive the report
on the Science Park implementation and

move ahead accordingly.

Are you sure you're in the right room,
Lillian? This is the Forward Innovations

Committee. Very interested in Forward
Innovations, Vice -Chancellor. Otto,

Sit. Yes, but you're not actually on the
committee.

Senate regulations permit non -voting
observers, I think you'll find.

Yes, yes, but... And they say nothing
whatsoever about dogs, one way or the

other.

Well, I'm sure they're very grateful for
your input, Dr Hubbard.

Well, now, I'm very happy to say that
the Sakamoto Corporation has

agreed to take up a substantial research
and development facility in the new

Science Park, working closely with the
electronics and cybernetics departments

of the university.

The level of funding from the
corporation is at present confidential.

But I can tell you that it is indeed
substantial with allowances sufficient

endow a new chair in Cybertronics.

Now, you have the full outline before
you in paper F -123A.

Are there any questions?

Presumably, there'll be quite a number
of Sakamoto researchers and executives

working here, Vice -Chancellor.

Oh, yes, indeed it are.

30 initially, rising to 75.

Just like to say that the university
medical service will be happy to offer

full facilities to our Japanese
colleagues.

Thank you, Dr. Buzzard.

May I ask a question?

Where are they all going to live?

Well, that's one which we have to...
Fairly whole.

A very pleasant building.

I'm well aware of that.

I think our people will be very happy
there. Yes, that's just one of a number

possible options.

Of course, the interior will be
completely destructured.

Indeed, it will not.

I'm afraid you've been seriously misled,
sir.

Fairleigh Hall is a hall of residence
for women, and that is how it will

Yes, well, I'd like to move on now,
clearly there's some confusion here.

we could discuss this later on, Dr
Hubbard.

Nothing to discuss.

Start with the question.

You'll have to find somewhere else for
your new friends.

Good morning, gentlemen.

How are those medical reports coming
along?

It's a painful business, a painful
business.

Well, Jock, not all of it's been too
distressing.

Leo Arcadray from social psychology
seems quite keen on converting his

disc into a golden handshape.

Apparently he's got a nice little job to
go to in Canada where they let him lie

on the floor all day.

Old Skinner Joyce lay on the floor in my
consulting room for at least ten

minutes. Tripped over the rug as he came
in. Didn't seem to notice he wasn't

upright. Anyway, there's another sculpt
for the bath chair brigade.

Cannon Pottle lay on that couch and
whipped.

Pull yourself together, Pottle, I told
him. You're in better shape than I am.

But he wouldn't have it.

No, no, Jock, he sobbed. I am not a well
man, I am not a good man, and my work

here is over.

Poor fellow, he was waiting for all his
boys, all those generations of boys that

he cared for in Kennedy Hall.

You know, Jock, he whispered, they were
all my sons.

Good God, were they really?

Well, it's about time you packed it in,
then.

You had Lillian Hubbard, didn't you,
Stephen?

Yes.

She's fine. No problems.

Apart from being deaf as a post, aphasic
from a stroke she's not telling anybody

about, and mad as a hatter in general.

What?

Sorry. Must have picked up your rough
notes by mistake.

Well, she is, isn't she? All those
things.

No, she isn't.

Those were...

They were tentative speculations, but I
rejected them.

She is very slightly deaf. After all,
she's getting on a bit. Well, isn't that

the point, buddy? We're supposed to be
weeding out the geriatric. She's very

slightly deaf, but that isn't a problem.

She has a slightly eccentric memory.
That's not a problem either. And she

as mad as I had her. She's one of the
sanest people in this university. Not

that's saying very much.

What does she do?

Bung your case of scotch?

Look, Bob.

I haven't hit anyone on the nose since I
was in junior school. Gentlemen,

gentlemen. Right, fine, sorry.

Take it back. No offence intended.

Just a bit of a snag, that's all.

Ernie is very keen to get her out of
Fairleigh. Japs have set their heart on

Multi -million endowment swinging in the
balance.

And it would just suit everybody and
keep us all in employment if your

speculation turned out to have a bit of
mileage in them. Well, they haven't.

She's fine, Bob. I'm sorry to disappoint
you.

Can I come in, Stephen?

You're very upset, aren't you?

It's a place.

I know.

I know they have to be cut.

I ought to know what Bob Burrard's like
by now. I'm even quite fond of him in a

way, but she's a person, Rose. She's not
an inconvenient obstacle. She's a very

fine person. Yes, she is.

And I was very moved by your support for
her.

I was quite disturbed by the strength of
my response to your anger, Stephen.

I'd rather lose control of myself.

Perhaps you should lose control of
yourself more often.

I found myself... How can I put this?

Responding to you as a woman.

Oh.

Yes.

I don't think you fully appreciate the
strength of the response you evoke in

women, Stephen.

Yes, I do. I've been a profound
disappointment to women from my mother

Oh, no.

You know, for a moment in there, I
really wanted to see you fight Bob.

Physically.

I felt that as a woman.

Oh.

I do want to see you fight, Stephen.

But Bob isn't a worthy opponent.

You're going to have to fight with
Ernest Hemingway.

What, physically?

Oh, if they come to that.

He isn't going to give up easily. He
wants Lillian Hubbard out and you become

her champion.

You're going to have to show him that
you're not frightened of him.

But I am frightened of him.

Oh, no, you're not, Stephen.

Not deep inside.

Not in your essential maleness.

I know this as a woman.

Deep inside, Ernest Hemingway is
frightened of you.

You see?

But you're going to have to teach him
that.

It may be necessary for you to lose
control of yourself.

No. Relax, Dr. McKellen, relax. It is
just a rooting matter. You're a fine man

to your age.

A fine man.

Another piece of faulty equipment.

Can't touch anything nowadays.

Let's see now.

We adjust for the normal distribution
curve, take away the number we first

thought of, and we have 140 over 90.

Well, Dr. McKenna, that's very
satisfactory.

I congratulate you.

I think this calls for a wee
celebration, don't you?

And then we'll see if he can conjure up
for me.

You're in sample.

Yes, Vice -Chancellor, we've more or
less completed the first batch, and you

should have got the reports now.

Pretty much what we expected, by and
large.

Yes. Two or three good scalps there.

Shame about Jock McKinnon.

You take it hard. Fine career.

Yes, we're all a bit cut up about it
here.

Yeah, so much so you forgot to sign it.

Just pop over sometime and do that,
would you, Bossard?

Well, yes, right.

Actually, it was Dr.

Rosemary. Whichever one of you it was.
Now then, what about Lillian Hubbard?

Matter of priority, that.

She'll be with you now, Vice
-Chancellor.

I haven't seen it.

I'm afraid it's not very helpful, sir.

Dorothy?

Not anything.

Doesn't look as if he did.

Yes, well, I'm only a layman, of course,
but this looks like rather a sloppy bit

of work to me.

Still, too late now. I've got the
university architects over at Ferry Hall

morning.

I was hoping for a bit more input from
you on this one, Buzzard.

Feel a bit let down?

Not my fault.

Right, Dorothy, I'll see Archytrae
first, I think, and then Skinner Joyce,

assuming he can get up the stairs.

Vice -Chancellor. What?

I think there's something rather odd
going on.

Charming ceremony.

These fine young women in the chains, I
like this very much.

Could you explain the symbolism, please?

We are here to deny you access to our
home, gentlemen.

We who study history, we who live in
history, must be prepared to play our

in history.

Gentlemen, I have nothing against any
one of you personally, but I say to you

deadly earnest that unless you sling
your hooks double quick, we'll set the

on you.

to step over here at his earliest
convenience, would you, Dorothy?

Right, Miss Stevenson.

You toddle off to Bootsford, that little
lot, and all your troubles will be

over. Fine, fine. See you in two weeks.
Bye.

Oh, hello, Rose.

Have you got a moment, Robert?

All the time in the world for you, Rose.

Appreciate that.

You calling me Robert?

I often feel your contribution is fully
appreciated, Robert.

Oh, really?

I was very impressed with the calm way
in which you handled Stephen's little

outburst.

I responded to your strength and your
dignity, Robert.

Oh, well.

You can't take things too seriously, can
you? I mean, I've got quite a soft spot

for old Stephen, you know, even though
he does carry on like a big girl

sometimes. Oops, beg your pardon. I
mean, we all... I'll get the old remiss

and then.

I think it's rather more than that,
Robert.

I'm really quite worried about Stephen.

He came to see me afterwards and talked
in quite an hysterical way about how you

were his enemy and how Hemingway was his
enemy.

It was quite disturbing.

Really?

Old Dickie Dado going round the twist?

I think he might be heading for a little
breakdown.

I wonder if the Vice -Chancellor should
know about it.

Oh, yes.

I think he should, really. Only fair.

Well, Robert, you seem to have his ear
at present.

Yes, he does seem quite pleased with my
input.

Especially Jock's report.

Jock's report?

Yes.

You know.

You persuaded Jock to let you examine
him after all?

Well, no, but I mean, as you said, any
fool could... fill in the gaps without

actually examining him.

And you actually went ahead and did it?

Well, that's what I thought.

Yes, I did.

Oh, Bob.

Don't you think that was a little rash?

Well

now,

Dacre.

Stephen, is it?

I thought this might be a good time to
have a little chat about your career

prospect here.

I didn't think I had any career
prospects here, Vice -Chancellor. Well,

situations can change remarkably
quickly, you know.

Of course, it's always difficult to keep
brilliant chaps like you, but, well, in

view of Jock McCannon's early retirement
plans, I was hoping we might be able to

tempt you.

I didn't know Dr McCannon was planning
to retire.

Oh, I think you'll find I'm right.

And that opens up some interesting
possibilities.

I just wanted to make sure that... How
can I put it?

You have the university's best interests
at heart.

Oh, yes, of course I have.

Good.

This is a terribly sad business.

Poor Lillian Hubbard.

She and I go back a long way, you know.
I knew her at Oxford when she was a

girl. Tragic business.

I very much hope we can deal with it.

I'm sorry, I don't think I understand
Lillian's mental breakdown. I mean, this

bizarre behaviour, chaining girls to
railings, selling the dogs on university

architects. She needs help and support,
Stephen.

Skilled psychiatric help and support.

Oh, God, I've done my best on this one.
I've tried to reason with her on the

telephone, but I'm sorry to say she
became quite abusive, quite abusive.

Now... I understand that she has
something of a soft spot for you and

enough for Jock McKinnon.

And what I thought was that if you and
Jock could somehow get in there and chat

to her, you might be able to get her to
cooperate.

I'd certainly be prepared to go and talk
to her and listen to her and help her

if I could, but I don't think... Good
man.

And if she doesn't see reason... Well,
I'm not too hot on the technicalities,

but...

Isn't there something called sectioning?

Sectioning? Something like that.

Under sections 2, 3 and 4 of the 1983
Mental Health Act, two doctors can

a patient to a mental hospital without
the patient's consent.

Is that what you mean?

Exactly.

You want us to commit Lillian Hubbard to
a mental hospital because she's

inconveniencing your plans for Fairleigh
Hall? No, no, no, no. In her own

interest.

God, no.

There's no stigma attached to mental
illness these days. We all live in the

century, I hope, and of course we'd all
prefer it to be voluntary, but I fear

she's too far gone for that.

Can't you see... Can't you see that
that's a monstrous suggestion?

Sectioning is only used in the most
urgent and extreme of cases where the

patient's actually dangerous. Now, she's
not dangerous. She's not even... She's

extremely dangerous. She's endangering
the viable future of this university,

that includes your future as well as
mine.

I hope I make myself clear.

Stephen.

I won't do it.

Now, don't say any more. Just now,
you've been under a strain. We've all

under a strain in this very difficult
time.

Some of us, of course, bear up under the
strain better than others.

Go away, my boy. Think about it.

Consider where your own best interests
lie.

And then it suddenly came to me.

He's crazy.

Of course he is. But either he is or I
am.

No, it's him. You're OK.

Just a bit neurotic.

Thanks very much, then. It's a great
relief.

You're welcome, Doc. Any time.

You really think he's crazy?

Yep. Well, don't you think someone ought
to know about it?

No point.

He functions perfectly in his context. I
mean, madness is a social construct,

like ideas of who's pretty and who's a
criminal.

This university's a crazy place. That
means when you're in it, crazy's the

People like you, me and Lily, we're the
misfits.

You're not really serious, are you,
Linda?

Only partly.

I don't have to be really serious. I'm
not going to be here forever.

I can have a bit of fun while I'm here
and then get back to the real world.

And, um, you know I finished my research
project?

Yes.

Well, maybe now's the time to go.

But I thought... Well, don't they want
to renew your fellowship?

Yeah, they do.

But, uh, I don't want to get sucked in.

I've been getting a bit of a real -world
nostalgia lately.

But this is the real world to Lillian
Hubbard and Jock McCallum. They really

need it. Yeah, I know. And in a lot sort
of way, I know it sounds crazy, but it

sort of feels like the real world to me.

Yeah, I was afraid of that.

It's got you, Stephen.

This mad university's got you in its
grip.

It's not just Jock and Lillian that
really need it. You really need it too.

Right, and it needs us.

More than it needs a science park? Oh,
much more than it needs a science park.

More than it needs Ernest Hemingway.
What this place needs is people like

Lillian Hubbard and Chen and even Jock
McCarron and you and me.

I think I'm joining the opposition,
Lynn.

My hero.

And I wish you'd stay.

Very good of you to come over, Jock.

Oh, it's a pleasure, Lily. I love my
business here.

Drinking coffee out of fine china cups
to smell of raw power.

Heady stuff, Ernie.

Heady stuff for a simple man like me.

Of course, it goes without saying I'm
very, very sorry about this medical

business. Oh, I don't think you need to
be, Ernie. I think it's working out

quite well.

I was referring to your own case, Jock.

Really? But you haven't seen the report
yet.

What?

I've got it here in front of me.

May I see that?

Thank you, Ernie.

Do I recognize a spore of Dr. Buzzard's
rinky -dinky little dot matrix printer?

I see I do.

Oh, dear, oh, dear. I'm afraid young
Bobby Buzzard's been having a joke with

you, Arnie. You see, he didn't examine
me at all, as I'm sure he'll admit if

pressed. No, no.

Here is the official report on J .G.
McCannon.

I think you'll find it a much more
promising prognosis.

Can't read the signature.

It's signed by the senior physician in
the university, J .G. McKinnon, M .D.

You can't sign your own medical report.

Have your secretary searched for the
university regulations, Vice

don't think you'll find they have
anything to say on the matter. And while

doing that, you might care to glance
through the text of this little book

been writing in the long, sleepless
nights, The Thick University.

I think you'll find it interesting.

The publishers are quite excited.

Only a proof copy, of course.

Still time for a few emendations.

I'd be grateful for your thoughts,
Arnie, on both matters.

You look a bit peaky to me, Vice
-Chancellor.

If you don't mind my saying so, perhaps
you ought to see a doctor.

Any new developments, Stephen?

Hemingway's just arrived for the
registrar.

He'll be making up his mind whether to
call the police.

As a matter of fact, Lillian, it's
waiting to see whether Stephen and I can

persuade you to become a voluntary
patient in a mental institution.

That is what he thinks you're doing
here.

Hear that, Otto?

Doesn't the poor little man realize that
we are voluntary inmates in a mental

institution?

Come and sit down, Dr. Dacre.

Have some more... some of this with the
red things in.

Thank you. I wonder if they had whiskey
and cherry cake in the days of the Paris

Commune. Thank you, Dr. McKinnon. A
pleasing image.

One that dignifies our little struggle.

To history, gentlemen.

To history.

Actually, about the only thing I
remember from school history is that

always written by the winning side.

Well then, Dr Dacre, we had better be
the winning side, had we not?

Yes, we had.

How are we going to do that? I mean,
ultimately, Hemingway has all the big

hasn't he?

I'm well aware, Dr Dacre, that the Vice
-Chancellor could have me bodily ejected

from Fairleigh Hall.

But at what cost to the reputation of
the university?

Do you know?

I think I'm going to prove a little rich
for his blood.

I'm very grateful to you both. You've
been staunch in my support at no little

cost to yourselves, but I think I can
take care of the final stage.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a
lecture to give.

My students will show you out by the
fire exit. Surely, if you go across to

lecture theatre now, they'll just take
over the hall while you're gone.

I had thought of that, Dr Dacre.

That's why I've arranged to lecture from
the... It's over there, with glass in.

You can... See through it.

Well, what happened? What the hell's
going on?

We had a long talk with Dr. Hubbard.

And? She's agreed to make a statement.

She's coming out?

She did say it was the final stage.

Excellent. Excellent. I'm very grateful
to you both.

Let's have a short statement, eh?

This will be my final lecture on
problems of historical

interpretation.

And in it, I shall be dealing
principally with the vexed question of

to be attributed...

to the evidence of the interested
participants.

When I was a very young lecturer at
Somerville, I was entrusted with the

supervision of a rather backward M. Bill
student from one of the men's colleges.

His dissertation topic was, if I
remember rightly, Machiavelli and the

Medici.

And I'm sorry to say that it was never
completed.

to the satisfaction of the university
examiners.

Dacre, what's she up to?

It's just a lecture, Vice -Chancellor.

When I pointed out the shortcomings of
his work to the young man, he explained

his lack of application in terms of the
destruction of his thoughts. He had, he

said, fallen head over... Um, what do
you call them?

Heels in love with me, he said.

and proposed that we should have sexual
intercourse. Or, as he put it at the

time, that he should take me through the
gates of paradise.

Oh, no.

I decided that it might be a convenient
opportunity to compare the pleasures of

fornication with those of scholarship.

Without going into detail...

The event was something of a
disappointment, excepting so far as it

and my devotion to historical research.

The young man's performance in the
sexual field was no more inspiring

than his performance in the sphere of
scholarship.

The problem was, I believe, that he had
such a very small...

...that he only had a tiny...
...internet.

Now, I don't propose for the present
athlete to name

the young man in question... ...but let
us suppose, as a hypothesis... ...that

in later life he acquires a position of
power...

which he uses in an attempt to out me
from my job and from my home.

Sectioner! Sectioner! Then, of course,
the objective truth of my little

is immediately called into question in a
way that highlights the problem that

forms the subject of this lecture.

There you are. You see, she's mad.

Why don't you section her? Why don't you
leave her alone?

Oh, why, Stesler? Oh, my God.

Come away, come away, gentlemen. It's a
bit noisy here.

Just Dr. Hubbard's farewell address.

Yes, that is what we must do. I'm sorry,
Vice -Chancellor.

What? We must come away.

We regret very much.

We have been in conference with Osaka
headquarters.

A dim view is being taken.

But this is just a temporary problem,
gentlemen, I assure you.

No, no, permanent problem, I believe.

We regret very much. But not unusual in
your country.

Very nice height.

Very comfortable plant, but the problem
is labour relations.

It really is intolerable that one can't
conduct an academic

lecture without suffering interruption
and inattention.

If we may continue now.

The second example of the problem of the
participant observer is H. M.

Hindman's account...

of the internal disputes of the
Socialist Democratic Federation in 1884.

Good lecture?

Very good.

That's good.

Hindman, you will recall, was committed
to parliamentary politics in England

rather than to international militancy.

And we have ample access to his
historical analysis because he was

journal Justice.

Most subsequent historians have drawn
their accounts from this source.

How far, however, Hindman did justice to
his opponents is a

thorny problem of interpretation.

A crude way of expressing the problem,
and one put to me today, is

that history is always written by the
winning side.

Let's examine this view in detail.