Original subtitles

It's a long way from anywhere you've ever been before.

Got to get your act together.

We're not sure.

We're not.

The Thick University Part Two.

A new morning, a new beginning.

McCannon was sick unto death, but now he lives again.

Everywhere he looks, he sees the germination of creative contact.

He will leave that beyond you as well.

Tendrils of human communication reach out to each other.

part jumps the gap.

Contact.

New insight is born.

17 minutes dead, Vice -Chancellor.

Are you sure?

Sorry, Vice -Chancellor.

Right.

Aim in the memory tape.

Sir Roy Craft Ebbing, Ebbing Electronics, dear Roy, I was shocked to

your remarks concerning the indifference and hostility of the Cambridge

establishment, and I was wondering if you would be interested in coming down

Lowlands and giving us a run over.

one thing.

You're my very best client.

Thank you. Really?

I would have thought Dr.

Dacre once had a touch to go by.

You're going to figure very prominently in my research report.

Don't worry, Doc.

Names will be changed to protect the innocent.

Uh, Lynn?

Hmm? Your other clients, do you...

I mean, do you employ the same therapeutic

techniques?

I never discuss my other clients with my clients, do you? No, no, of course not.

You're not getting jealous, are you? No, really.

Well, I'm with you. I'm with you. You know that. Yes, I know.

Yes.

You ought to.

You know,

when you were at school... What?

Did you have to read all those Shakespeare plays and things?

One or two.

You know, where the bloke's after the wrong girl, so some wise duke or

slips another girl into bed with him in the dark and he can't tell a difference.

I don't think anything like that happened in Julius Caesar.

No, but the point I'm making is, Shakespeare was a wally.

Everyone is totally different like that.

I'd know you anywhere.

In total darkness in a split second, it's like an idyll act.

Do you know about idiolects? No.

Well, quite a lot of people can share the same dialect, but no two people

exactly the same.

In that respect, we're all unique.

Good, eh?

We've all got our own unique idiolect.

Yes, I see.

Hmm. Well, I'm a body language person, and no

one's ever done sexual idiolects.

Bet you're going to.

Hmm.

They're difficult.

Much easier to experience than describe.

Yes, I do see that, Lynn.

It's you that's made me think of it.

I don't know.

Being with you, it's, um... It's like, uh, listening to you.

I mean, it's, uh, it's like listening to you.

Is that all right?

Yeah, of course it is.

What's the matter?

Nothing.

It's just that occasionally, I mean, don't get me wrong, I feel tremendously

lucky and grateful and all that, and I am. It's just that now and then I feel

like, well, like one of those smoking beetles.

An experimental subject?

Well, yes.

Well, all experimental subjects, Stephen.

In life's cruel laboratory, the sort of thing that Jock says.

Hey, listen, you.

I was trying to tell you, you're special.

Oh. I'd say more when it's against the rules.

Really?

You're lying.

That's a bit early, isn't it?

I've got an early morning meeting with the VC, whole team.

It's a bit daunting, like a dawn execution.

Oh, you'll be all right. Everyone thinks you're wonderful.

What time?

8 .30.

Oh, that's ages yet.

I think we've got some time to collect a bit more experimental data on our

sexual idiolecs.

What do you reckon, Doc?

Feel like a quickie?

Oh, yes, thanks.

Apple juice?

I'm not a hippie. I'm sorry, Dr Buzzard, it's his new thing.

You know, health?

Oh, yes, that.

He's in another meeting at the moment, but that should be nearly over. He's

three minutes behind schedule.

His morning workout overran a bit.

Ah.

Are you all right, Dr McCallum?

Oh, yes, my dear.

Just a little weary from my week training, that's all.

Oh, absolutely, yes.

Morning. Good morning. Excellent.

Very good of you all to come over. You won't have met Dr Theodulu, our most

recent appointment, reader in interdisciplinary studies. This is our

team, Daniela. How do you do? Dorothy, get Dr Theodulu a copy of the fact that

this is the law department.

Right. Inter what was that?

Interdisciplinary studies.

Yes, Daniela's opening up some new lines of investigation along the interfaces

between subject disciplines.

Ah.

Microbiology and business studies, anthropology and electronics.

Anywhere with the gross potential, you know. I like to think I'm a kind of a

catalyst to see a possibility make something happen.

There you are. Ah, thank you.

And now I must excuse myself.

I have to go and talk about cell cultures to the law department.

Fine, fine.

You around, maybe? Yes, fine, right. Well, let's make a start then, shall we?

Good. Got your apple juice?

Good. Fine. Thank you, Dorothy.

Well, I'd like to make this one a quickie. I assume that will suit

Yes, fine.

Good, fine.

Well, I've been looking through all your research profiles and they seem to

stand up pretty well.

Some could be better.

We need more projects like your hamburger drug thing, Buzzards. Pulling

overseas funding.

Sound thinking, then. How's it coming along?

Well, Vice -Chancellor... Good, fine. Well, just make it stick, eh? Anything

else? Yes.

Yes, um... A simple diagnosis indication storage and retrieval programme for

17 minor ailments.

All on floppy disk. We could market it under the Lowlands University software

imprint.

Sounds rather good, Buzzard. Yeah.

Yes, that's the sort of thinking we need. You see, more hard -nosed,

-based, packageable products.

Yes.

Yes, you're probably just an example of that, Buzzard. Thank you, Vice

-Chancellor. A very small example.

See, what I'm looking for are large -scale breakthroughs. My instinct tells

they'll happen along the interfaces.

Creative contact, interdisciplinary networks. That's why I'm seeing

See, new ideas can happen anywhere.

Well, almost anywhere.

Anyway, my door is always open, remember that?

Oh, yes, just one more short -term thing. You remember last year the Sunday

Times published a series of articles called Frank Profiles of British

Universities? Remember what they said about Lowlands?

Ah, yes, I do recall.

Yes, good for maths, good for cybernetics, otherwise forget it. And by

the roof sneak's not very inspiring, is it? I mean, let's do something to

enhance our profile in the public image.

Any positive thoughts?

Well, we do have a very high standard of care and counselling.

Do we? I'm delighted to hear it. Where's your evidence?

Well, very low drop -out rate and one of the lowest suicide rates in the

country. Not the lowest?

Well, no, not quite.

Well, it's something, isn't it? I mean, I think we should get in the press,

don't you? High -profile it. The caring university.

Fine note to end on. Thank you all.

Ernie, my book. Yes, another time, Jock. Well, very good indeed to see you all.

Very quiet today, my dear.

Don't forget the interfaces.

Seek out the creative contacts.

Jeannie McAllister.

That's right.

We don't seem to have seen much of you, Jeannie.

It's a shame, but I'm never ill, so I thought I'd come and see you anyway.

Well, that's nice.

Actually, it's a bit cheeky.

I'm doing this for a low life.

Lowlife?

Oh, the student paper.

I'm on the staff.

Well, I'm more or less on the staff. Yes, of course.

We'd like to do a feature article about you, Dr. Dacre.

In -depth interview.

You've made ever such a good impression on the students.

Oh, no, really.

Well, you know you have.

I was hoping I could find out what the secret is.

You know, how you set the patient at ease, the little clues you look for, how

you get the rapport going, all that.

It will be fascinating.

But unprofessional, really.

I'm afraid it's out of the question. You must know that.

Ah, well, worth a try.

And anyway, there isn't really any secret.

Apart from the fact that all of us in this practice believe in the standard

-minute consultations rather than the usual three or four you find elsewhere.

And that...

As a practice, we're committed to treating the patient as a whole person,

that, we think, contributes to the extremely low suicide and dropout rate

university. It's one of the lowest in the country.

Really? That's smashing. Just let me get that down.

You don't happen to know who's got the highest rate, do you?

I don't think it would be fair to tell you.

You're very discreet, aren't you?

Doctors have to be, Jeannie.

Yes, of course.

What's your biggest problem, then?

VD?

Sorry?

I didn't mean you personally, Dr. Dacre.

Oh, no, of course not.

Well, it's not really a problem in the university, either, Jeannie. That's

wonderful. Must make us quite unusual, too. You mean you don't ever get any

cases at all?

Well, naturally, in a community such as this one, preponderantly young adults

living away from home and a high level of social interaction, it would be very

unusual to find a complete absence of FTD.

STD, that's... Sexually transmitted diseases.

But the point I was making was the extremely low incidence.

In fact, I really don't think it's worth mentioning at all.

Oh, no.

I shouldn't think we will.

That wasn't Jeannie McAllister, was it?

Yes, it was.

Stephen, you know I wouldn't pry into anything confidential.

Oh, she wasn't ill. She wanted something for the student paper. So I told her

all the good news.

Bit of luck, really, her coming in just after what the VC said.

Intelligent girl, I thought.

Sorry, woman.

Person. Well, you know.

What's the matter?

She is bright, yes.

Not very scrupulous, though.

You do know she's a stringer for Fleet Street.

Good Lord, really?

But honestly, Rosemary, I just told her what an excellent practice we run here.

More or less.

This is terrible.

Look at that. God knows.

It's really nice to hear it is. But it's a complete...

of what I told her.

It's not that really safe. I mean, if you read it carefully, you can see it's

saying there isn't much VD and there aren't many suicides. I'm just going to

read it carefully now. Look at this. Dial STD for Dr Blue Eyes.

It's quite funny, really.

Dr Blue Eyes.

I think the VC will find it funny.

Oh, you won't mind.

Everybody likes Dr Blue Eyes.

And here, gentlemen, is where we shall be having our new science park.

Science park, yes.

We find it very interesting.

Woburn Abbey, Lions of Longleat. Very nice to visit.

Mr. Sakamoto asks particularly, will there be crocodiles in the lake here?

No, no, gentlemen.

A science park is a dense concentration of high -technology research and

development labs.

Not crocodiles, gentlemen.

Porta cabins.

Oh, I see. In Japan, we call that industrial estate or robe factory.

Oh, no, not the same thing at all.

Well, not quite.

Any more questions, gentlemen?

When will we be meeting Dr. Blue Eyes?

I'm afraid our schedule is rather too crowded for that. We shall be going over

to cybernetics next, and there you'll be able to meet the reader in

interdisciplinary studies.

Dr.

Blue Eyes?

That is no hustle.

Yes, yes, Arne, I do see that.

I shan't keep you long, my dear chap.

But only if you read it carefully, you'll see it's very complimentary about

practice, and indeed it.

Would you care for something to read?

Yes, I'll make quite sure he doesn't, Vice -Chancellor.

By the way, I...

Tell me all about it.

I... Yes?

When I... I'm sorry, I can't say.

I'm too ashamed.

Oh, my dear chap, there's no need to be.

Whatever it is, you can be sure. I've seen many cases before.

And if it's what I think it is, I had it myself as a young man. And look at me

now.

Bit of the flea.

So come along, my dear chap.

Out with it like a man.

Hey, I didn't quite mean... Oh, well.

Seems time.

Well, they can be very irritating, these colds that won't go away. There's not

really an awful lot we can do about it.

But I will prescribe you something to relieve that sinus headache.

Thank you, Dr. Dacre.

Everything else okay?

Life in general?

There isn't anything else you'd like to talk to me about?

Well... Yes, there is, actually.

I mean, it's probably nothing, but... Well, you've probably noticed something

unusual and you'd like your mind set at rest.

Yes.

And?

It's a bit embarrassing.

So it's a bit embarrassing, is it?

Below the waist, I take it.

That's right, yes.

Front or back?

Front. Front only. Sure?

I do know the difference.

You must be one of our more able students.

So we've got a bit of tool trouble, have we? Well, well, well.

And how long is it since you noticed the discharge?

How do we... I was hoping it would go away, but it just won't.

Yes, I see.

You were really very sensible to come in when you did.

Now, do you feel anything else?

Any burning sensation when you go to the loo?

And that's been going on for about the same number of days?

You know what it is, don't you?

It's something awful, I know it is. The chances are it's nothing to be

frightened of and nothing to be ashamed of.

From what you say, it does sound as though you have a little infection

And it's likely to be the sort of thing we can pass on when we're making love.

You beat VT, don't you?

That's a very emotive word, isn't it?

I'd like you to think of it as something like a throat infection.

A bit irritating, a bit painful, but very minor and easily treatable.

Anyway, let's find out for certain first.

You do know how to examine yourself, do you?

No.

But I can show you how to do that at the same time.

It's really very easy.

OK, fine, all over. You like the character, huh?

Well, you were absolutely right to come in. There is something there.

We'll know for certain in a couple of days.

It's just a minor infection, absolutely nothing to get upset about, and you'll

be rid of it completely in a couple of weeks.

I think we ought to have a urine sample and do a blood test just to be on the

safe side.

Maureen will take care of that for you.

And as soon as the doctor...

I can see why.

It's just that Dr. Rosemary's got another one the same next door.

Non -specific urethritis.

How very curious.

Yes. Oh, don't be alarmed, my dear chap. It's a fine face to roll around the

tongue, but it's a trivial ailment.

One of the minor penalties exacted from us by the goddess Aphrodite.

And all it requires of you is it take four tips of cycling a day.

and abstain from carnal pleasures for a fortnight.

And tell your lady love, tell all your lady loves, to abstain likewise and come

and have a chat with me.

Hmm? But I've only got one lady love, Doctor. I admire your restraint.

We only did it once.

My dear fellow, good rotten luck.

I wonder... Vaughan?

Do you have the records of the last day or two in your wee machine?

I've got mine on floppy disk. Haven't looked at the others yet. Still in note

form. Just give me the notes. Drop them in before you go, dear chap.

Nothing special, was there?

No, no, no, no. Just a little light reading for the wee small hours. That's

Hello, Dr. Dacre speaking.

Oh, hello, Jock. How are you?

Another early morning meeting. Is it the VC again?

Oh.

What is it, then? It's not something I've done, is it?

Oh. Right, yes, fine. No problem.

See you then, Jock.

Sorry I'm late, Jock.

Bloody traffic.

Do sit down, my dear fellow.

A briefing began at 8 .42.

Have you seen the waiting room?

I could hardly get through. Place was full of bodies.

Live ones, I trust.

Think so. Hard to tell in this university, of course.

What is the matter with the appointment system? Why doesn't O 'Carman just send

them all away?

I think you'll find they're all emergency cases, Bob.

I believe this practice is facing its greatest crisis since 1974.

Yes, the enemy is amongst us.

He's flipped, hasn't he? I've seen it coming.

You didn't happen to see anyone yesterday with NSU symptoms, did you,

Yes, I did, oddly enough. Two of them.

One truculent ode from sociology and that rather jolly little thing that runs

the tea bar in the SCR.

Maureen?

All right, I see.

Trouble with the trouser snake.

30 cases in two days, two of whom are cheerfully owned up to a surprisingly

large circle of intimate friends.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have an epidemic on our hands. Aren't you

this just a bit, Chuck?

Thirteen cases hardly constitutes an epidemic.

But when you take the contacts into account, and then the contacts of the

contacts... Of the contacts, of the contacts, of the contacts, will the line

stretch out to the end of doom.

Consider how a new intellectual concept spreads and garbles strength within the

academic community.

It's very much the same as non -specific uricitis.

And it falls to us, the five of us here in this room today, to meet this

challenge head -on, without publicity, without assistance, and to win.

Any questions?

Jock, if it's as serious as all that, don't you think we ought to make use of

the special clinic at the City General?

They do tend to be a bit brutal there, Russ. Quite right, too.

Students who waste taxpayers' money thrashing about in the pit are asking

bit of brutality.

And in any case, I, for one, did not enter this profession to become a pock

doctor. Yes, absolutely, Rosemary. Let's pack a lot of them off to the special

and get on with our lives.

Dr. Butterford, I am surprised at you. What's the matter?

Where is your falcon spirit?

We are a task force, man.

This is our war, our struggle.

The honour of this practice stands or falls by the way we handle this crisis.

We must go it alone.

Yes, I see. Right, fine.

Sorry, Jock.

There are also questions of policy involved.

I have not been up all night for nothing.

Imagine the publicity if the special clinic were suddenly to be inundated

Lowland University students.

The local press would pick it up.

And then the national press.

The Sunday Times Guide.

Oh, Lord, yes. Lowlands University. Good for mathematics, cybernetics and

nonspecific urethritis.

Exactly.

If we can handle it within the practice, we shall be able to follow up the

contacts much more quickly and operate a policy of absolute secrecy. You'll

never keep a thing like that quiet.

No defeatists on my team.

Absolute secrecy.

Nobody's to be informed.

Not even the vice -chancellor?

Especially not the vice -chancellor.

If we can win this battle, we shall have saved his university for him, and he'll

never know.

Our only reward will be our knowledge that we rose to the occasion when the

chips were done.

That we did it our way.

Any questions?

Then let's get to work on this.

Right, fine, there you are, feeling perfectly OK. When out of the blue, you

a little grey card in your pigeonhole telling you to come and see the doctor,

and naturally enough, you're wondering what it's all about.

Well, you haven't won the Irish sweepstake, buddy, I can tell you that.

Yes, I can quite understand that that might be difficult for you.

What we can do is call in your professor for a routine medical check -up and

notice the symptoms by chance, as it were.

Afraid you'll have to keep yourself to yourself for a wee while?

You might consider digging up a new interest.

A cranny, perhaps.

Or beekeeping.

Clench your fist. Good and tight for me, will you now?

That's the way.

And keep squeezing.

Don't need to worry. I won't be taking any more than you can spare.

Now, if the sight of blood bothers you at all, just look the other way and

think beautiful thoughts.

That's the way.

luck yet, Mr.

Bronski.

But try to turn the tap on. If that doesn't work, I'll have to come and

to you.

Now then.

And now the only thing to do is to make sure that your research assistant comes

in for a check -up, too, as soon as possible.

And rest assured, it will be completely confidential. As far as we are

concerned, you have a throat infection, so wrap up warm, my dear, and suck a

cough drop, and your secret will be as safe as houses.

Now take your time and tell me just what it is that's worrying you.

Yes, I know. It's very embarrassing and personal. Don't tell me it's a discharge

and discomfort when passing water, right?

Don't ask me how I know. It's just a sort of gift we doctors have.

Come on, then. Get your trousers off.

And don't forget, in ten days' time, it'll all be over.

Come in, Stephen.

I've just finished.

What about you?

Yes, just now.

You look tired.

It's been quite a week, hasn't it?

Yes, it has.

And it's not just the extra work, is it?

It's really quite distracting, some of it.

Mind examining all those vaginas with teeth?

No, not that.

No problem.

It can be a bit disorientating after a bit.

You know, the way a word becomes absurd if you repeat it often enough.

But it's not distracting.

What then?

The emotional reactions.

Like the girls with one steady boyfriend. They don't understand how

happened.

They don't want to understand how it's happened.

And then they do understand how it's happened, and you can give them

tetracycline and make them better, but they don't feel better inside.

It's really sad.

Illness is one of the things that men do to women.

It's not always that way around.

It's sad whichever way it happens.

I keep thinking about all the painful conversations that must be going on out

there.

You're a bleeding heart, aren't you, Stephen?

Don't you ever get angry?

What about?

Well, it's obvious, isn't it?

This whole NSU thing is a classic demonstration of the university as a

phallocentric hierarchy.

The professor and his female research assistant.

The catering manager with Duarte Senior over his waitresses.

Third -year men, first -year women.

The steady boyfriend with the bit on the side.

And, of course, they all have to be on the pill.

Because that's the way the boys like it. More comfy for them and less hassle.

Do you realize that if the sheath came back into fashion, we wouldn't even have

this epidemic?

And total chastity would be even better.

I don't think I'd propose anything quite as radical as that.

You are joking, aren't you, Stephen?

I'm not sure.

It's a bit of a downer, as both would say.

Oh, well.

Better get along.

You know, I wish I could get rid of the feeling that absolutely everybody in the

university have got it.

It's really only a tiny percentage.

See you tomorrow, Stephen.

You really mustn't worry about it.

Always a pleasure to see you.

All right, my dear fellows.

Standing up at the fray?

Did?

I mean, what?

You look a bit peaky, my boy.

You've had a long day. You get yourself home and have a good night's sleep.

Jock will be at his post.

All will be well.

All will be well.

Well, this is very nice.

Yes.

Yes, I'm fine, Lynn.

You all right?

Yeah, I'm all right.

Good.

So, uh... How's your sexual idiolect, then?

Um... It's a bit reticent tonight.

Yeah. Thought it might be.

Actually, I was wondering if we might go back to stage two for a bit.

Yeah.

All right, if you like. Just for a bit.

You're sure that's fine with me?

Look, it's not anything to do with other people, sort of thing.

No.

Well, in a way.

When I'm with you, I'm with you. You know that. Yes.

And when you're with other people, you're with other people.

It's a reason, doesn't it?

You promised you wouldn't get into that possessed jealous bit.

I'm not. It's not that, honestly.

Well, what is it, then?

Look, really, it's only for a little while. Just think of it as a sort of

Yeah. You haven't been sneaking off and getting yourself a crafty dose of herpes

or something.

No.

No, really.

Oh.

But you think I might have.

No, I don't.

Yes, I can see how you might think that.

I haven't, though.

I'm sure you haven't.

Stephen, I'm a body language person, remember?

You're looking at me the way people look at tax inspectors.

I've never been to bed with a tax inspector, Lynne. Yeah, I'll believe

But you wish you weren't in bed with me now. No, honestly, it's just that I

don't feel... Yeah, I know.

Stage two will be fine.

Yeah, I know.

Trust me, Lynn.

Yeah, all right, Doc.

Stage two it is, then.

We're holding the enemy, but only just.

The next two days of the campaign will be crucial.

I'll hand you over to Bob for the detailed analysis.

Thanks, Jock.

I've run the figure through the computer and I've got the feedback.

Art faculty produce the largest number of cases.

Idle thoughts. Too much time on their hands. Whole department's going down

dominoes. Similar pattern with the secretaries and porters, and

studies lived up to their name.

Waitresses and bar staff were a problem till we sewed up the catering manager's

trousers with cobbler's thread.

Sociologists appear to do it only with each other, and we've got control there.

Engineers, you'll be interested to hear, have a very low rate of sexual

activity. Singing about it in the bar appears to be their only outlet, and

physical sciences hardly troubled the scorer.

So far, so good.

What about the nuns?

Sorry?

The nuns?

Ah, my dear fellow, they were merely inviting us to the convent's annual

-and -buy sale.

Sorry, I've been getting a bit jumpy.

But all that sounds as if we're practically home and dry, Jock.

Unfortunately not.

Bob. We should be getting only referrals from the contact tracing by now, but

there's a small and steady stream of new cases with no discernible pattern to

them. Except they all say they're baffled. They'll spin you a whole lot of

cobblers about anything from sharing the communion cup to bugs in the air

conditioning. I think we might have an asymptomatic carrier.

Or more than one.

One would be enough.

Some speedy Gonzales type, rottering his way round without a care in the world.

But surely if there were such a person, he'd have had a referral. Why hasn't he

come in for a check -up? Because he hasn't got any of the symptoms himself

he simply can't be bothered.

You've got too much faith in human nature, Stephen.

We'll get him.

His name must be somewhere in the computer. I can't help thinking, isn't

just fantasy?

It's our only hope.

If we don't pin this down in the next day or two, we could have another

escalation then, cousins.

Call in the special clinic.

Inform the Vice -Chancellor.

And read all about it in the paper.

I'm sorry to interrupt you, but do you know you've all got a string of patients

waiting for you?

Oh, and, uh... That Jeannie McAllister's here to see you, Dr. Dacre.

Jeannie McAllister?

Let me see her, Stephen. This might be a suitable job for a woman.

Come on, you crafty little swine.

I know you're in there somewhere.

And how long have you had the symptoms?

About a fortnight.

Yes, I see.

That's rather a long time to wait before coming to see anyone about it.

Yes, I know. It was really stupid of me. I just...

I just couldn't believe it at first.

And then our GP is a personal friend.

I suppose I shall have to talk to my husband about it.

Yes, I'm afraid you will.

Actually, you'll probably find he'll be very relieved to be able to talk about

it.

Oh, no.

You don't understand at all.

It's me.

I'm the one who's to blame.

Now, Miss McAllister, first of all, I assume you don't mind talking to me

instead of Dr. Dacre. He's got a very heavy caseload on this morning.

No, that's all right.

Very good of you to see me at such short notice.

All right.

Now, first of all, I would like to establish some ground rules for our

conversation.

Yes? The first one is that it'll be completely confidential.

Do you agree?

Oh, yes, Dr. Rosemary.

That means confidential not only in terms of not being published, but also

you won't talk about it to anyone.

Yes, I understand that.

And while you are completely free to ask me anything you like, I'm not

necessarily prepared to answer all your questions.

All right?

Yes.

Um... It isn't so much a matter of me asking questions, actually.

Oh? What is it a matter of, then?

Well... It's a bit embarrassing and personal.

Oh.

I see now.

I'm so sorry, Jeannie.

Well, now take your time and tell me all about it.

I'm sorry, I can't.

But, I mean, it would be for his own good.

I'm sorry.

I know it must seem ridiculous and stupid to you, and it is.

I can guarantee it would be completely confidential. If it's someone that you

don't want to see again, then we can make the contact for you without

you.

Anywhere in the country.

If you could just perhaps...

Give us a telephone number.

Believe me, I hate this part of it. It's awful. It makes you feel like a special

branch of something.

If I... If I just wrote down a name... That's all. You wouldn't

hear any more about it.

Oh, what the hell?

Thank you very much, Mrs Hampton. You've been most helpful.

Come on, come on. Come out wherever you are.

Oh, really? That's ridiculous.

Good grief.

Dacre, when somebody says they wish to see me urgently on a private and

confidential matter, I make a point of finding time for them.

That's very good of you, Vice -Chancellor. I also usually find that

somebody says the matter is private and confidential, it means they want to

confess something.

My advice to you is think before you speak.

It may not be possible for me to respect your confidentiality. This university

is not in the cover -up business.

I've been a firm believer in open government ever since that student -file

scuffle back in 76.

And if it's the sort of thing your pleaded hasn't got up to, I shan't be

support you, all right?

I have thought it over, Vice -Chancellor.

All right, go ahead.

Well, it is rather delicate.

I wish there was another way. Yes, yes, yes. We'll take that as read.

Let's just have it straight, shall we?

Your name's been given to me as a sexual contact by a patient suffering from a

sexually transmitted disease.

Are you trying to blackmail me, Dacre? Is that why you're here? Because if you

are... I'm telling you so that you can have a check -up and get the condition

treated, if necessary. It is possible you're what we call a symptomless

Who else knows about this?

Only me and the other patient.

What are the chances of keeping this quiet?

Well, they're excellent, Vice -Chancellor. I can put you in touch with

consultant who'll treat you privately in London. I expect you prefer that.

And there won't be anything on our records.

and I'll certainly respect the confidentiality of this conversation.

I see.

Thank you.

Dacre, I'm sorry I reacted hastily just now. It can't have been easy for you,

this. No, it wasn't.

Careful drink.

Oh, no, of course, you're a teetotaler.

I'm not, actually.

Yes, never forget that sort of thing.

Never mind if I have one.

I don't say that you find this... Well, how can I put it?

Slightly scandalous.

A man in my situation, that sort of thing. No, not at all.

Of course you do.

But I am a man, Dacre.

What's your first name, by the way?

Stephen. I am a man, Stephen.

A man, as other men.

Perhaps more so.

There really isn't any need to explain.

This can be a very lonely job, Stephen.

Nobody knows the struggles I've had to keep this university viable.

And sometimes, when the battle has been particularly bloody, a man needs...

Well, a man needs comfort.

Reassurance. Validation. Can you understand that, Stephen?

Yes, of course I can.

Are you sure you want to talk to me about this? You're a doctor, aren't you?

else could I talk to?

Well... Your wife, perhaps. My God, my wife doesn't have to know about this,

does she? Well, that depends.

Depends on what, Dacre? You are trying to blackmail me. It depends on whether

you've enjoyed marital relations in the last six weeks or so.

Dacre, I've never enjoyed marital relations very much, and I certainly

practised them for years.

Well, then, no, she doesn't need to know.

You're a good fellow, Dacre.

I've got a lot to thank you for.

Not at all. I'm just doing my job. No, no, no.

You're a good fellow.

It really is a shame.

What's a shame, Vice -Chancellor? I shan't be able to look you in the eye

this, much too embarrassing.

No, I'm afraid one of us must start looking for a new post quite soon.

And you do know which one of us I mean, don't you?

Yes, I think I do.

That's a good man.

Your reference, of course, will be excellent.

Thank you.

Um, there is one other thing, actually, Vice -Chancellor.

Yes, Stephen?

Are there any more contacts we should know about?

Dr. Theodulu, isn't it?

Daniela, please.

How very nice to see you again so soon.

Tell me, how are all the new initiatives getting on? All those developments

along the interfaces?

Oh, very interesting.

Developing some very nice connections.

I think we can make some good things happen, you know.

And now you've come to visit us.

And have you come to make something...

Happen here. Who knows?

Maybe I sparked something off with you, Dr. McCann.

But mostly I am here because of this mysterious little gray

card which comes in my pigeonhole this morning.

Ah, yes. And all these others I find waiting for

me last night.

It seems you're very anxious to see me.

You mean all these arrived yesterday?

I don't know. I don't think so. I think maybe they have been, how do you say,

piling up a bit.

You see, I haven't been home so very much lately.

No. Well, I can imagine that.

Do you know what it can mean, all this?

Yes, my dear.

I rather think I do.

We have come through.

We have saved the university.

Interdisciplinary studies. What else could have linked philosophy with

weightlifting? Cybernetics of ancient Greek.

And she was an asymptomatic carrier.

Who put you onto her, Jock?

Stephen did.

And who was the link, Stephen?

I'm afraid I can't say. I'm sorry.

What a gentleman.

You look tired, Stephen.

You look as if you've been through a formative experience.

Yes, I rather think I have, Jock.

Will you all take a wee drink with me?

Not you, Stephen, of course. I know you're a total abstainer. No, I'm not,

Well, now, here we are.

We few, we happy few.

We band of brothers and sisters.

Let's see if your presence is free.

The first this week, and by God, not the last.

Cheers. Cheers.

You know, I think it's time old Jot went to pieces again.

Well, you're full of surprises, you are.

Yes, I have been surprising myself lately.

I did say it was only for a while, then.

Well, very unexpected sometimes.

Is that all right?

Yeah, it's good.

What was it, anyway?

Nothing.

I mean, it was nothing to do with you or me.

No, really.

The thing is, I can't really talk about it.

Professional etiquette?

That sort of thing.

Oh, well, it doesn't matter.

The old sexual idyllic's OK again.

You're a bit on the wonderful side, you are.

Actually, Lynn, there's something I have to tell you.

The thing is, I think I've screwed up my career prospects here.

How do you mean?

I've been advised to apply for other posts.

There's no hurry, no hassle.

Good references, but all the same.

Who is it? I mean, who advised you?

Someone quite high up.

Well, very high up, actually. I didn't do anything wrong. It was just bad luck.

Well, cite it.

The thing is, I don't think I can. It's all to do with, you know, professional

etiquette. Well, sod on, Ron.

You're a nice doctor. Everybody knows that.

You could make it anywhere.

I'll give you a testimonial anyway.

Oh.

You really like it here, don't you?

Duff bugger.

Yeah, I do.

Well, hey then.

Tell him to get stuffed.

It'll be difficult.

Yes.

Yes, I bloody well will. My hero.

Look.

I've got something to say to you.

Sort of a confession.

Yes. Can you stand one? I don't know.

It's about being with other people.

Go on.

Well, I haven't been with other people lately. I've sort of gone off it.

I've only been with you.

Oh.

Is that all right?

Do you feel threatened?

I mean, look, it's nothing heavy. It doesn't mean you have to see me every

or anything. It's just...

Well, I don't know. Maybe it's a phase.

I would have told you the other night. It just seems so tense.

Oh, Lynn, I wish you had.

You mean you can cope with it? A one -to -one relationship?

Yes, Lynn, I think I could make a stab at it.

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