Original subtitles

It's a long way from anywhere you've ever been before.

Got to get your act together.

We're not sure.

We know.

Bob?

Yes, Jock?

I'm experiencing a sense of boredom so acute that it borders on rage.

Can you tell me anything interesting today?

Um, I've got the printout back for my new rationalization scheme. Quite

fascinating. Try again.

Uh, the new man's coming.

Ah, yes.

The new man.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Um, excuse me.

You OK?

I'm fine.

Sorry.

Yeah? You couldn't direct me to the medical centre, could you?

Yeah, right.

Hey, you don't look too good.

No, honestly, I'm all right. Sure?

Right, well, see this walkway here?

You follow it all the way round the building till you see the sign.

Can't go wrong.

OK now?

Thank you very much.

My pleasure.

Yes?

I'm Stephen Baker.

And?

Well, here I am.

Yes, here you are.

And?

Perhaps I should see Dr. McCannan first.

I see. You wish to make an appointment to see Dr. McCannan.

Well, I was hoping I might see him now.

I will if he's in. I see. Your first visit.

Well, yes.

Apart from the... Your first... visit.

I never forget a face.

Would you take a seat? I'll see what I can do for you.

I assume it's some sort of emergency.

Oh, thank you. Look, I think you might have missed one too. Please, take a

Morning.

You're in luck.

Dr. McCannon will see you now.

My dear man, let's come and sit down.

Dacre, was it?

Stephen Dacre, yes.

And you're new here?

Well, yes, naturally.

And you're not feeling too bright?

Tell me all about it.

No, honestly, I'm fine.

Well, more or less.

More or less, yes.

Are you a married man, Stephen?

Yes.

Well, in a sense.

My wife didn't want to come down here with me.

Well, not straight away.

Perhaps not at all.

It's trial separation.

Yes, and you're feeling a lot of pain, yes?

Well, not really. No physical symptoms.

Well, only in a very minor way, you know.

Mm -hm.

Nausea, panic, terror.

I'm right, aren't I? Look, isn't all this getting a bit, well, personal?

Illness is personal, Stephen. We're not machines.

But I'm not ill. Of course you're not, of course you're not. But you're feeling

a lot of pain. We all feel a lot of pain.

I feel a terrible lot of pain. If my life weren't in a mess, how could I

empathise with my patients, eh?

I'd be a poor doctor then, wouldn't I?

I must say how much I admired your book, Dr Macallan, Sexual Anxiety and the

Common Cold.

Aha! Of course.

Sexual anxiety.

So you're experiencing impairment of the old libidinal drive? Of course you are,

I guess, at the moment you walk through the door.

We jimmies played a cruel joke on this young lady. I said to myself, now,

aren't I? We cannot cut the mustard.

Look, you think I'm a patient, don't you?

Just another human being feeling pain, Stephen. No, I mean, you really think

a patient, and I'm not. I'm a doctor.

Well, of course you are. This university's full of doctors.

No, I'm a real doctor.

A medical man, and I've come to work here as a doctor at this university

center. That's very interesting, Stephen.

Tell me now, what makes you think that?

Well, my letter of appointment from the senior academic registrar.

You're not one of those stripper grams, are you?

It isn't my birthday, is it?

I'm the new doctor, honestly.

Excuse me one moment.

Dacre, you said?

Bob, this new man, Blair Athol, wasn't it? High flyer from Glasgow?

Didn't you get the VC's memo?

Blair Athol welshed on the deal.

No, they offered it to some dim GP from Wolverhampton or somewhere. Dick Dado or

some such name.

Stephen Dacre?

Yes, that's the chap.

Well, he's here.

Yes? Rosemary Robert, the new man's here.

Look, I don't know about you, but I think we should consider working

this one.

My dear man, I'm most frightfully sorry. That was really very embarrassing. What

can I say? Welcome to the team.

Thank you.

I feel rather an imposter. Not at all, not at all. We're lucky to get you,

Stephen. Yes, it's all coming back to me now, the tremendously interesting

things you've been doing in Wolverhampton.

It's Walsall, actually.

Yes, no doubt, no doubt. Would you care for a wee drop of something, Stephen?

Oh, not for me. A bit early in the morning.

Oh, very wise.

I'm delighted to hear you say it.

As a matter of fact, your penis vessel gave us some cause for anxiety there.

Oh, he gave the vodka bottle a most tremendous pummeling.

A total abstainer, eh?

Very wise.

I didn't say I was a total abstainer.

Glad to have you aboard.

I can't tell you how grateful I am for the opportunity.

I've read so much about your work here.

The concept of the therapeutic community, it's all exactly what I

in Warsaw.

Never mind that now. Oh, that was in the early 70s. Halcyon days.

By God, we had a therapeutic community then.

Week -long teachings with Ronnie Lang and that Indian Johnny.

Come here.

This university is a swamp of fear and loathing.

It's the cut.

The UGC has both its hands round the university's throat.

Early retirements and voluntary redundancies, savage competition between

colleagues, even in this medical practice.

Oh, dear. Oh, dear, you say.

You're not joining a happy team.

They're trying to get me out. Me first and then you, or just maybe the other

round. We have to keep one jump ahead of them.

Who? Your colleagues.

Black Bob and the Bonny Me Lassie.

You realize you're coming to this practice as technically senior to both

them. They're seething with bile, Stephen.

It's a mercy they hate each other so much.

God knows what it would be like if they ganged up.

Well, thank you for taking me into your confidence, Dr. McKinnon.

Jock, all first names here.

So I can count on your discretion and your loyalty then, Stephen?

Yes, of course.

Your personal loyalty to me is... Head of this practice.

Well, yes, naturally.

Good.

Now, Bob, be so kind as to step in here a minute, please.

Bob Mozart, Stephen Dacre, your new colleague.

Delighted to meet you. How do you do?

I was thinking you might like to initiate Stephen into some of the

Bob. Show him the ropes.

Yes, of course. Nothing I'd like better.

Good.

See you later, then.

Look, old man, I expect you know I was up for the job.

Just wanted you to know, Stephen.

Absolutely no hard feelings. None whatsoever.

Thanks very much, Bob.

Look, do you think you managed Robert?

Silly, really, but I've never liked Bob much. A bit naff and lightweight.

Do you mind? Not at all, Robert. Good chap.

Well, now, the tour.

This, as you see, is a rather boring corridor in the new brutalist style.

And here we have the reception area, which, of course, you know.

Far too comfortable, in my personal opinion.

And Mrs. Kramer, our ex... Excellent receptionist whom you've met. Yes.

You were very naughty with me, Dr. Dacre. You let me think you were a

didn't you? I'm sorry. I didn't try... Don't suppose you gave him much chance

to, Carmen.

Well, you'll know him again.

Indeed I will.

Proper welcomes from now on, Dr.

Dacre.

Thanks very much.

Mrs. Kramer sees it as her mission in life to keep the patients away from the

doctors. I guess we had just that trouble in Warsaw.

They don't seem to understand we're here to see the patients. In my personal

opinion, a woman like that's worth her weight in gold.

Well, let's see, work our way up the hierarchy.

In here.

Top of the morning to you, Maureen.

Maureen, as you may guess, is a simple Colleen from the bog, aren't you,

Maureen? This is Dr.

Dacre, Dr. O 'Hara's replacement.

Stephen. Hello, Maureen.

I'm pleased to meet you.

Maureen likes to think she does all the work around here, but of course she

doesn't. Bone idle, aren't you, Maureen? Total waste of space. I'm sure that's

not the case.

Does she well know?

Well, mustn't keep you, Maureen, all those Irish aunties waiting for your

letters home?

Not a bad girl.

Thick as two short planks, of course. Loves to be jollied along, teased a bit.

Expect you noticed that.

No, I didn't actually pick up on that, Bob.

Really?

Rosemary next, I think.

Some people find her a bit prickly.

Don't see that myself. Just another woman.

My personal view is there's nothing wrong with Rosemary that a damn good

rogering wouldn't sort out.

Come to think of it, you might be the very man.

Here he is.

Rosemary.

Stephen Dacre.

How do you do?

How do you do?

Rosemary what? Oh, dear.

Just Rosemary.

That's my full name.

I'm not exactly into patronymics, Stephen.

Sorry. Going through the whole of one's life, labelled as one man's daughter,

another man's wife. Yes, of course, absolutely. Sorry.

I know just what you mean. As a matter of fact, my wife doesn't...

Sorry.

And, uh, you are... Oh, you mean what do I do here?

Have you heard this little story, Stephen?

The doctor and his son are in a frightful car accident.

The doctor's killed outright.

They rush the son to hospital for brain surgery. The surgeon takes one look at

the boy and says, I can't take this case, that's my son.

Explanation? Ah.

Oh, yes. The surgeon is the boy's mother.

I'm a doctor, Stephen, not a nurse, not a physiotherapist. Yes, of course you

are. Look, I'm dreadfully sorry.

I didn't for a moment mean to imply that you... You know, I was just...

You mustn't feel you have to apologise all the time, Stephen.

I know it's very difficult to be a man too these days, if you have any

sensitivity at all.

Yes, I do find that rather difficult.

I'm sure we're going to work together really well.

I'm looking forward to that, Stephen.

Thanks.

Well, so am I.

Well, come on.

I'll show you where your consulting room is.

See you later, I expect. Yes, right.

Thanks.

Think you've made an enemy for life there, Stephen.

Oh, God, really?

I thought I'd managed... Oh, you did, you did. You got the needle right in

there. She can't deal with gentleness.

Brilliant tactics.

Well, I didn't mean to.

Oh, God.

Here we are.

Shame about that.

Establishment gets their finger out for once in a lifetime. Wrong bloody name.

A bit claustrophobic for my taste. But O 'Hara liked it that way.

No doubt you'll find a modus vivendi.

Look. Let's sit down and I'll try and put you into the picture.

Ah, yes.

Mayor Culper, your plate. Quite right.

Thanks very much.

What was O 'Hara like?

Well, we try not to talk about him too much.

No, I mean, what was his speciality?

Poking patients in point of fact.

Bad medicine. One of the few things they jump on here.

Just thought it was worth mentioning, in case you're that way inclined, always

get the totty on someone else's list.

Thank you, Bob.

I don't think that's likely to be a problem.

I must say, I feel no temptation whatsoever.

The students here are a dreadful shower.

Thoroughly unsavoury. They don't see a bath from one week's end to the next.

And the faculty are worse, if you can imagine.

Most of them ought to be in Turkish jails, as far as I'm concerned.

Actually, some of them are.

Anyway, absolutely no temptation to dip the buzzard wick.

I'm in love with my wife.

Robert, can I ask you something?

Of course you can.

That's what I'm here for.

You don't actually mean any of this stuff at all, do you?

Of course I do. I mean every word of it. I'm a happily married man. No, I didn't

mean that part of it. I'm sure that's very nice of you. I used to be a happily

married man myself, but then... Unhappily married, then not married.

Know the form.

Look, do you mind not going into any of that? I can't stand hearing people's

personal problems. I've got more than enough of it from the patients.

Let me tell you about this terrible place, Stephen.

They call it a new university, but it's 20 years old now.

Concrete's crumbling, all those bloody silly flat roofs leak.

We've got a repair budget four times the total salary bill.

I'll tell you what it's like.

It's like a very, very inefficient sector of British industry.

Top management are totally corrupt and idle.

Middle management are incompetent and idle, and the workforce are bolshie and

idle. And, of course, there's no bloody product.

No wonder people get ill here and there's nothing else for them to do.

I don't know why you're trying so hard to put me off, Bob.

I'm here now. I'm actually looking forward to the work.

It's too late to scare me away.

I'm doing you a favour.

Look, have you unpacked yet?

No, I came straight here. If I were you, I'd get back in your car and drive

straight back to Wolverhampton. It can't be worse than this.

Oh, Dr. Dacre.

Speaking. We have a couple of casuals in reception.

I wonder if you might be free.

Dr.

Dacre's in a meeting, sir, am I? I'm sure Dr.

McCannon or Dr. Rosemary should be able to help Mrs. Kramer.

Right you are, Dr. Buzzard.

Now then.

Now then.

What's your track record, old chap?

Oh, track record.

Absolutely right.

Fair's fair. Mine first.

Classical tale of a promising career gone sour.

Shrewsbury, Trinity, Guy's, Royal Durham, ICI, Princeton, spell in Saudi,

fatal mistake, came here.

I see.

What about you?

Birmingham, Birmingham, Birmingham, Walthall.

Really?

That's a sort of grim coherence. Yes. So you see, this is rather a step up for

me. Crude of you to lose the accent. Couldn't tell, not in a million years.

Thank you, Bob.

I can't understand why you've chosen such a masochistic life.

Perhaps I didn't have quite as much choice as you.

Oh, look here, you're not going to give me a lot of tear -jerking stuff about

your early days in a shoebox on the M6, I hope.

I've got more than enough to contend with, what with the Marie Celeste

on about gender and that vile old man reminiscing about the Maharishi and

bloody land. No, it's all right. You see, I actually think I've been very

professionally.

I really like being a GP.

I see.

Yes, I know that's a very embarrassing confession, but there it is.

It's the only thing I'm any good at, you see.

Absolutely hopeless in the personal relationship sphere, but really quite

at being a doctor.

Patients aren't frightened of me, you see. They seem to find it very easy to

tell me exactly what's going on, and that makes the diagnosis and the

much simpler.

Well, the thing is, in Walsall, there were such a lot of ill people, it was

working on the track.

I actually feel very guilty about leaving them.

I think I would have stayed if it hadn't been for my marriage.

But what I thought was, in a place like this, one could really do it properly. I

mean, there wouldn't be any excuse for not being a bloody marvellous doctor.

That's what I want to be.

That's very moving.

Sorry, I've no idea what made me come out with all that. It's boring. No, no,

no, moving.

You see, I'm not such a hard bastard as I seem, old chap.

You're an idealist, and you've ended up in what's probably the worst practice in

the British Isles. I'm really very sorry for you.

And where do you feel this pain, my dear?

Um, here and here.

All around there, eh?

Yes, all around there.

Good. Just give me your hand, would you?

That's right.

Nice and cool.

And when did you arrive here? Last night?

Yes, last night from Hong Kong.

And you've had this pain since last night?

Yes, I woke in the night with the pain.

Tell me, what course are you going to do here?

B .Ed. for a year.

So you're going to be an English teacher. That's very good.

Yes, in Hong Kong I already am an English teacher.

I have been an English teacher for three years.

I thought so. You speak English very well.

No, I don't think so.

And who paid all those enormous fees?

I paid them myself.

I saved three years. I do two jobs.

Work in a shop, work in a bar and school.

It was quite hard.

And now you're here, you miss your family and your friends, don't you?

Very much. Yes, of course you do.

But very soon you'll have a lot of friends.

Now listen carefully to me.

This university is a very long way from Hong Kong.

Sometimes it seems a very long way from anywhere.

And here you are, you're lonely, you're very tense, and perhaps a little bit

frightened. God knows I would be if I was thousands of miles away from home.

And all these feelings are coming out as a pain.

It's a real pain, but it's caused by the feelings.

Do you understand?

Yes, I understand.

And I guess it's a little bit better already.

Am I right?

Yes, maybe a little bit.

Good.

Now, I'm going to show you a way of relaxing the muscles that are causing

pain.

If you'd just like to lie down here a minute.

And Dr. Buzzard's been prescribing these for you, has he? Yes, that's right.

Over how long a period?

Let's see, it must be about four months.

I see.

Excuse me just one moment.

And did Dr. Buzzard explain why he's been prescribing this particular drug?

Well, the first time he said it would just sort things out. I see.

And, well...

Recently, he just sort of looks up as I come through the door and starts

driving.

Yes, I see.

Well, Antonia, is it all right if I call you Antonia? Yes, of course.

I think we'd better get you off, please.

It's quite possible these are causing your present symptoms rather than

alleviating them.

I'd like you to make an appointment for a longer consultation next week,

Antonia. Say, half an hour. Will you do that?

Yes. I mean, it's not... Oh, absolutely nothing to be worried about.

Really, all I want to do is to help you understand what's going on with your

body so you can take charge of it.

How does that sound?

Well, fine.

Thank you very much.

It's a pleasure, Antonia.

Your husband works here too, doesn't he? Yes, he's a reader in the German

department. And you work in the VC's office.

There is just one thing I'd like you to think about between now and next time.

What we call illness is one of the things that men do to women.

Now, that may mean something to you or it may not. If it doesn't, forget it.

yes.

That means something, all right.

Yes, I thought it might.

The thing to do, my dear, is relax, relax.

Walk around the lake, pick a flower, pick a quiet thought.

And you know, if you need this, you can telephone any time of the day or night

from when they're always here.

Thank you very much.

You are very kind.

Yes, yes, away you go, away you go.

Poor little thing.

Poor wee lass.

Ah, Stephen, had enough already?

Oh, not at all, no. Bob's just very kindly offered to show me where my flat

Ah, yes.

I'm afraid that it's only temporary, but I'm sure you'll be... Something I had

to tell you. What was it?

Drinks, drinks, drinks at the Vice -Chancellor's largest evening.

You're invited, my dear chap, and so am I. What a cheap little spoofy.

Eight o 'clock on the dot.

Don't be late.

Thanks very much.

Very informal indeed.

Dress down, dress down. Something else I had to tell you, what was it?

Yes, the wee lassie reminded me.

Now, as I intend to drink a very great deal indeed, and you're a total

abstainer. I'm not a total abstainer. Dr.

Butter and Dr. Rosemary have previous engagements. I know you won't mind being

on duty this evening.

On duty?

What about the party? Oh, it's purely a formality, my dear chap.

Term hasn't started, no one here to be ill.

You can take my belief up.

Mrs. Creamer will fix you up. Be well.

Work to do, work to do, work to do. Let's get on.

That's where you're heading for when you get out of the maze.

It'll be a shithole, of course, but at least it's handy.

My advice is get off campus as soon as you can and save your sanity.

Listen, do you play squash at all?

Yes, a bit. Do you? Well, let's have a game this afternoon, then.

Really? I mean, isn't there some work we should be doing?

God, no.

Plenty of that on Monday when terms start.

We'll all come back.

Shambling in with their manky throats, their legionnaire's disease, their

athlete's foot, their scabies, impetigo and new varieties of clap.

And that's just the academic staff.

Look, get yourself settled in, then shamble over to the university pub.

You can't miss it. It's in what's laughingly called the piazza.

Looks like the gents on Euston Station.

Smells like it too.

See you there about half one, right? Fine.

Oh, and bring your bathers. We'll have a swim after the squash.

All priorities ahead.

All kids in this university work in reverse.

I think you must be my new flatmate.

I think I must be. I didn't realize I was sharing.

Come in. Make yourself at home, please.

I didn't realize it myself until this morning.

They told me temporarily.

Did they tell you too?

Yes, they did.

Here, I think... Temporary always becomes permanent.

Just go around where I come from.

What do you think of it?

That's extraordinary.

I think I like it.

Good. You're a mathematician, Dr. Dacre.

No, I'm a doctor.

I mean, I'm a medical man. They make these flats for mathematicians, like me.

name is Chen from Burma. I'm pleased to meet you, Chen.

They seem to encourage a lot of overseas students here.

I mean, that's nice. That's nice, yes. For the big, fat fee.

Ah, yes, I see.

Actually, with me, it's the other way around. They give me big, fat research

scholarship. Why's that?

Because I'm so clever.

No ball prize soon.

No hassle.

These balls are for the mighty calculations.

Maybe I spread into your room. That'd be all right. Can you hang loose?

Yes, I think I can hang loose, Tim. And in return, I will cook you great Burmese

meal. You like to eat Burmese?

I'm sure I will.

That's great.

I think we're going to be a flatmate, Dr. Dacre.

Well, so how's our new colleague?

Pushover.

Birmingham, Birmingham, Birmingham, Walthall.

I mean, what sort of clowns are they on the appointments board?

Well, he did get a first, Bob, or so his TV says.

What did you get?

A third, wasn't it?

No, a second.

I thought we were going to work together on this one.

I can't think what you have in mind, Bob.

Well, the point is, it's bloody unfair giving the job to an outsider.

Bit of a slap in the chops after all the work we've put in.

I mean, I think you should have got the job, as you know.

Well, thank you, Bob.

I just think we ought to keep a bit of an eye on him, that's all.

And put the boot in if he slips up.

Well, one has got a duty to the practice, hasn't one?

Can't have new boys letting the side down, not on.

Sounds like boys' games to me, Bob.

It's not really my style.

Fair enough, if that's the way you feel.

That's it.

Hang on, schedule.

Seven games to Buzzard, no games to Dacre.

Thanks very much, Stephen.

You've got some nice strokes, but no game plan at all.

You let me dominate you.

Yes, I suppose I did, rather.

Swim now.

Six quick lengths and out, right?

Do we have to, Bob?

Of course we have to. Swimming's good for the heart. Besides, we've hardly

raised a sweat yet.

Hope you're not going to turn out to be a slacker, Dr. Dacre.

Right, that's my six.

Have to love you and leave you now, Stephen. Got a golf date in ten minutes.

Only four to go. Don't weaken.

I've got you.

Just rest here for a minute.

Thank you.

I wasn't really drowning, you know.

You were never going to get to the other end, though, were you?

You're okay now.

Didn't we meet this morning?

Oh, yeah.

You look different with your clothes off.

You shouldn't be swimming in your condition.

You're not safe to be let out on your own, you're not.

You saved my life.

Yeah, right. That's what it's called.

It's okay. That's what they pay me for.

Oh, I see you work here.

Ah, there's my relief.

Blimey, is that the time I've got to go? Are you sure you're going to be all

right? Yes.

I wonder if I could... You'll see me around.

I'm alive.

I'm alive.

And this is a beautiful university.

I'm really sorry to lay this on you, Chen, on my first evening.

That's all right. I wasn't going anywhere.

No hassle.

Well, it all seems ridiculously complicated, but if there are any calls,

get automatically transferred to this phone. You take the call, get the name,

address, and what the problem is, and then you ring this number, and that

automatically bleeps me.

Would you like me to go through it again?

No, no, I've got it, Stephen. I know how to live in the 20th century.

Wish I did.

Well, I suppose I'd better be off.

You're not going to change?

I have changed.

It's very informal, they said.

Ah, yes.

Not like the overseas students' reception, then. I think my new flatmate

in with the in crowd.

Parts is absolutely vile.

And antipaxos even worse. I never found antipaxos any good. What you want is

oozo and kale in an equal pile.

What they're asking for, quite simply, is love. No, no, no. The whole line is

all about matrix credit.

Oh, absolutely.

Have you heard the latest about grossness? By the way, is it true about

grossness? You heard about grossness.

Come in, my dear chap. The lunch you can make.

Blair Athol, am I right?

No, it's Stephen Dacre. Of course, of course, of course. Last -minute

substitution, and a very, very shrewd one, I'm sure. I'm Ernest Hemingway.

Yeah, I know, I know.

Well, it can't be helped.

Never done me any harm, in point of fact. I'm the vice -chancellor.

Oh, I see.

Come and have a drink.

Thanks very much. Nothing alcoholic for Stephen Dacre.

This man's a total abstainer. I'm not a total abstainer.

All this man needs is love.

That's all any of us need. Yes, absolutely, John, but the scotch is over

You've probably gathered you're joining a bit of a problem team, Dacre. I mean,

plenty of talent there, but all pulling in different directions. And, of course,

the captain is one of the walking wounded.

You could do very well indeed for yourself, Dacre, if you like a

Deirdre, come and meet the new doc.

How marvellous of you to make it. So brave.

Now, don't tell me, all your luggage is going round on a carousel at Helsinki

Airport? No, it isn't.

Rio, then?

Osaka?

Prestwick? No, I came by car.

And now you can't find the key to your trunk.

I'm sorry, I... Bit of a misunderstanding.

Dr. McCannon said it would be very informal.

Absolutely.

I have got a suit.

My dear, I'm sure you have a lovely suit.

Don't give it another thought.

Do please mingle.

It's easy come, easy go, you know.

Only

solution

right here.

Women have got to learn to speak a new language.

I'm not chairing a prison as I could be.

I could have been part of Gallagher and Maugham.

I'm sorry.

No, that wasn't what I meant at all.

Look at the language. The verbs are all metaphors of combat, control,

annexation, but the modifiers wreak itself doubt, puzzlement, impotence. Oh,

exactly. And I don't think he has any viable content in magic realism. Why?

What?

You are talking about Bradbury's latest one.

No, I'm talking about the new parking regulation.

It's the cynical exploitation of those contemptible kinds. Now, now, steady on,

Joe. I will not steady on.

We take these young people from all over the world. Half of them don't even

speak English. We don't care, do we? We want their money.

Shove them into courses they can't even follow. Let them sink or swim. Let them

suffer. Let them turn their faces to the wall and die quietly inside. Oh, yes,

that's right.

We've got their joint mark.

We've got their Hong Kong dollars. Difficult times, Jock. They're helping

through the cuts.

Helping to pay your salary, Jock. Well, if you'll excuse me, I... And at what

personal cost?

You should have seemed to be lashing that came in this morning like a little

broken flower presenting a belly -ache, or anything, and any shark could see she

had a broken heart. And you broke it, Hemingway, you and your kind.

This university's emotionally bankrupt, and you are a vile wee man. Yes, it all

will look different in the morning. Come on, then, jock, old man.

I'll never drink with you again.

If only he meant it. Oh, dear.

Do you think I should... I suppose.

Standard routine, I have.

Actually, our professor did the same.

He did all his best work by the time he was 22.

Downhill all the way after that.

Toby, as a medical man, how do you stand on the euthanasia issue?

Excuse me.

Hello. It is you.

Hello. I didn't see you.

I haven't been here long.

I saw you.

What are you doing here?

Well, playing with you, I suppose.

No, but I mean, you work at the pool, don't you?

Oh?

Oh, Lord, you're not Hemingway's daughter or anything, are you?

No. Oh, that's a relief.

Well, this place must be a lot more democratic than I thought it was.

That's a pretty shitty thing to say, don't you think?

God, look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I'm not good enough for the

likes of you. What else could it mean?

And I thought you were a nice man.

I am a nice man.

I try to be.

Look, what I meant was...

I'm delighted to see you here. I can't seem to talk to this lot.

You're not doing too well with me either.

Let's start again, please.

OK.

Well, the thing is, I get very nervous and tense, and that makes me blunder

about a lot, especially when it's important.

Let me try and say this right.

I went for a walk by the lake this afternoon, and it came to me that...

Being life saved by you, I mean, apart from saving my life,

was just about the nicest thing that's happened to me for about ten years.

Oh, thanks very much.

Hey, you are tense. You're shaking.

I know. Oh, come on, relax. You're doing fine now.

Oh, blimey, what have I done to him? Nothing, honestly, but I've got to go.

What? What did you turn into?

Nothing, honestly.

I've got to find a phone.

Oh, damn.

Look, how can I see you again?

Oh, you'll see me around.

Right.

area will be very tender, but it is particularly here.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Rather than here.

Yes, I think... Right, now just one more.

Okay, that's fine. It's all over.

Jen... Dial 999. Give them my name, the University

Medical Center, and where she is on campus. Tell them it's acute

I'm going to take you into hospital.

I'm sorry, I'm a nuisance. No, not at all. You were quite right to phone.

But it's all right now. We know just what's wrong and we know just what to do

about it.

You say you first felt it last night.

Dr. McCannon examined you this morning. Didn't he like I did?

No, he didn't do that.

He talked to me.

Yes, I see.

And he showed me how to breathe to make the pain go away.

Yes, well, I expect that helped a bit.

Will I go in the ambulance?

Yes. Now, there's nothing to worry about. I'll come with you if you like,

perhaps you'd like a friend.

No, no friends yet.

Okay. I'll come and hold your hand.

You are very kind, sir.

You and the other doctor.

Not at all.

Just doing our job.

You didn't examine her, did you?

Of course I examined her.

Halsey at the hospital said in his opinion it was about to rupture.

He rather wondered what the hell we were playing at here when she told him she'd

been seen by a doctor this morning with severe stomach pain.

That is damned and puzzling. So are you.

Can't you see what happened?

That poor girl's psychic pain was so acute she worried herself into an

appendix. Jock, you know that's nonsense. That girl came in with acute

pains and you didn't even examine her.

I'm sorry to have to say this, but it's a clear case of negligence.

So it's you.

What? I thought it would be Rosemary or the black -hearted buzzard that tried to

get rid of me before, but it's you, is it?

Have you come to this university to destroy me, Steve?

No, of course not. I'm simply... Yes, yes, I know.

I confess my error. I was wrong about that poor wee girl. I should have

her. An error of judgment, Stephen.

Not negligence.

You're not like them.

You have compassion and you're a good doctor. You saved that poor wee girl.

You wouldn't destroy old Jock, would you?

No.

I wouldn't destroy old Jock.

Thank you, Stephen. I knew you had a heart, didn't you?

But look, I know, I know. Mea culpa.

I've been going through a wee bad patch, Stephen.

Life in tatters with an ego, a libido like a gathering candle. But you'll get

through it. I know you will.

Will you take a wee dram with me?

Ah, of course.

Total abstainer.

No, I'm not.

But I'm still on bloody duty, aren't I?