All language subtitles for A Fine Romance s04e05 Problems

A fine romance with no kisses.

A fine romance, my friends, it is. They
think we're like a

couple of hot tomatoes.

But we're as cold as yesterday's mashed
potato.

A fine romance with no wrestling. A

fine romance.

With no nestlings We might as well play
bridge with our maiden arms Love

hasn't got a charm This is a fine
romance

Good morning.

Good morning.

May I come in?

Yes, of course.

Thank you.

May I sit down?

You're very polite all of a sudden. I'm
always polite.

Last time we saw each other, you called
me a reptile.

Yes, well, I'm not going to do that
anymore.

Thought of a new expression?

I mean row.

I don't think we should row anymore.

We may not be... We don't have to be
enemies.

Surely we can be civil. Of course we
can.

So, may I sit down?

Of course you may sit down. Thank you.

Not at all.

Look, could we just settle for being non
-insulting?

Less of a strain.

Your iron's still on.

Very, very professional.

I have ironed shirts for myself before
you.

Who?

Well, I'll be wearing a jacket.

Oh.

There's no need to do that.

It won't take a minute.

You didn't come round here to do the
ironing.

No. I decided I would sort out the
things in the flat. You know, his and

Well, there's no rush. I mean, if you're
happy living with Phil and Helen.

They're lovely.

But their faces are getting very lined.

I know they are.

So, I've decided to give them back their
lives.

I'm going to look for a flat.

You could move back in here.

It's only two weeks since you split up
with Elaine.

I know.

I mean, what kind of lady killer do you
think you've become?

Off with the old and on with the new.

Or to put it more literally, off with
the new and back on with the old. No,

on, hold on.

I didn't mean move back in here as a...
I meant move back in as

a... Housekeeper, Mrs Danvers. I didn't
ask you to iron the shirt.

No, I meant as a friend.

With one bed?

Well... No, I'm going to look at a flat
today, so I'd sooner just sort the

things out, if you don't mind.

But I've got to go to work.

I shan't steal anything.

I know that.

Of course.

If there's a room in the house you don't
want me to look into, I mean like the

bedroom... Well, why shouldn't I want
you to look into the bedroom? Well, with

this new image of yours.

I haven't got a new image.

In any case, if you're so keen to get
things sorted out, you'll have to look

into the bedroom.

Well, I won't pry.

I'm going to work now.

How is work?

Oh, it's going very well, thank you.

It's just as well something is.

Morning. Morning.

You're early.

Little Lana was bouncing about like a yo
-yo at six o 'clock.

Was she?

Yeah. Wait till you have one.

What's the book?

Homework.

Do you know there's more to this garden
than meets the eye?

I've been telling my customers that for
years.

For instance, I never realised there are
male plants and female plants.

Oh, it's a very sexy business.

Must be very frustrating.

I mean, imagine you're a male plant and
you fancy this female plant.

I mean, what can you do about it with
your roots buried in six inches of soil?

Morning, mate.

Morning, Wilkins.

Oh, Terry.

Yeah, Wil.

Did you know there were male and female
plants?

Oh, yes, that's where the birds and bees
come in.

You know, I never realised where that
expression actually came from before.

Now, you can see how your parents use it
as a way of explaining the facts of

life.

I think it's rather convoluted,
personally.

My father tried it on me. Hadn't the
faintest idea what he was talking about.

What did you tell your kids?

Oh, had a stiff drink. Tell them the
truth.

Probably best.

Yeah, I think I'll do that with Alana
when she grows up.

Or dunk girls' arse their fathers.

Ah, well, one of mine did. But to my
great relief, Jennifer... I hate

to talk to you family men about work.

Oh, sorry.

Sorry.

Terry, how's that job in Hascom Road
coming?

Oh, I should finish it today.

I'd have finished it earlier if they'd
keep their boxer indoors.

Have a word.

Well, I did.

Every time you talk to him, he jumps all
over you.

I mean the owners.

That's a good idea. I do have them
sometimes, you know. Well...

Go on, have a go then. All right.
Cheers.

He's a good lad.

Oh, yes, yes, I know.

So, I have a letter here from a customer
who's just returned from abroad.

Seems very surprised to find his garden
suddenly overgrown.

Probably told everything to stay as it
was and hope for the best. Have a crack

at it, will you? That's the address.

Only good.

Oh. Something wrong?

In a manner of speaking, yes.

This chap Maybury, before I was made
redundant, we were neighbours, and not

put too fine a point on it... You don't
want him to see the depths that you've

sunk to by working for me.

Oh, I wouldn't put it quite like that.
You would.

You'd have just used longer words.

You do believe in calling a spade a
spade, don't you? I'm a gardener.

Sorry, I was being a bit precious,
wasn't I? Just a touch.

Well, damn it.

I'd hardly be proud of having the job on
one hand and ashamed of what some

people might think of it on the other.
Of course not.

Anyway, why be ashamed of having a job
that makes the world a slightly prettier

place? You know, my school captain, he
wanted to be a barrister.

If I met him today and he asked me what
I'd do, I'd tell him, with some pride.

Yes, you're quite right.

Did he become a barrister, by the way? I
don't think so.

Last time I heard from him, he was in
prison.

Pull yourself together.

I brought you back your door key.

You shouldn't have bothered.

Should have left it above the door.
Well, I finished sorting out the things,

as most of the things in the flat seemed
to be mine, I'd sooner it wasn't

burgled.

Ah, fancy some lunch?

Why? It's lunchtime.

Well, I'd like to, Mike, only I've got
this flat to look at.

Oh, why don't I come with you? Why?

Why do you have to keep saying why all
the time?

Why should you say why don't I come with
you? Well, I don't know.

Come.

In any case, you need a man along.

Landlords can get quite, uh...

Funny with a girl on her own?

If he's old enough to think of me as a
girl, he'd be too feeble to get funny.

You know what I mean.

There's a bit of a knight -errant about
you.

Oh, now, look.

It's nice.

I would like you to come along,
actually.

Fine. If you don't mind.

It was my idea. Oh, so it was.

And if we've got any time, we can have
some lunch afterwards.

My treat, then.

I offered.

Dutch.

All right, then. Good.

It's reassuring to know we can still
decide things without any fuss, isn't

Mike, could I have a word?

I'm sorry.

Miss Dalton, how nice to see you again.

Terry said you were back.

Bad penny. Still enjoying the job?

Oh, yes. Yes, very much.

Well, that is to say, I was.

What do you mean? What do you mean?

Mike, I'm afraid I'm going to have to
resign.

Why? Look, do you mind? Why?

Because I simply can't finish the job. I
can't stand him or his jibes any

longer. Whose? What jibes?

He's been standing over me all morning.

He began by patronising me, then he
built up into what he considers a

thrust. Shafts of wit, like hardly
middle management, is it, old boy? And

you on an expense account, or did you
bring sandwiches?

Who is this man?

Chappie used to be Wilfred's neighbour.

And you sent Wilfred to work in his
garden?

How screamingly sensitive.

Well, I didn't know he was going to
carry on like that. You should have told

Well, after you read me the riot hack
this morning, I didn't like to.

You've become a tyrant. I haven't become
anything of the sort.

Now, first of all, Wilfred, there's no
question of resigning. Just switch jobs

with Terry.

I wouldn't do the job at all, blow him.
Now, look.

The customer may not always be right,
but he's the bloke with the money.

I can see why business is booming.

Mike, I feel in honour bound to resign.

Now, will you shut up about resigning?

Now, please, Wilfred.

When Terry gets back, just you switch
jobs with him and get on with it. All

right? That's very kind of you. And if
anyone should call, I'll be back later.

We're going to have a look at a flat.

Oh?

You're getting together again, then?

I am glad.

That's it. Number eight.

Can I drive on?

No.

First impressions?

No one in their right mind would stay
around long enough for a second one.

Dumb, isn't it?

Well, I admit it doesn't look much at
the moment, but empty places seldom do.

I think I could make it very... very...
snug.

I've seen dog kennels that look more
snug than this place.

Well, the rent's very reasonable.

It would have to be.

You haven't had one good word to say for
it, have you? Give me a year or two and

I might think of one. Oh, funny.

Well, I'm not being funny, believe me.

I just don't want you to take this
rotten flat. I'll take what rotten flat

want.

Oh. Hello again, Mr Wiggins.

Mrs Wiggins wondered if you'd... Well,
I'm still thinking about it.

Only I've got a cod on, you see.

Sorry?

Not that the cod's a problem in itself,
no. It's the butter sauce.

You see, if it gets at all lumpy, Mrs
Wiggins gets very tense.

And so I have to give it my undivided
attention from the start.

Well, I'll just be a couple more
minutes, Mr Wiggins.

I'll lay the table.

And he's like something out of Psycho.

I don't believe there is a Mrs Wiggins.
But you can't seriously be considering

this place. I have to.

Look, I don't want you to feel that
you've been rushed into making a

Mrs Wiggins's cod.

So, if you would like to ring me later,
say tonight... Well, yes, that's very

fair. Well, I'll do that. I'll phone
this evening, Mr Wiggins.

Would it be impertinent if I was to ask
you as to whether there are any

indications?

Well...

I'd say my answer will almost certainly
be yes.

Goody -ho.

Almost certainly no.

Goody -ho.

Has he rung? What? Has who rung? Hello,
Jerry.

Oh, hello.

I hear you and Mike are getting back
together again.

Well... Has who rung?

That Mayberry bloke.

Only I want you to listen to my side of
the story first.

Why should I have to listen to a side?
What's happened?

I threatened to wrap a shovel round his
neck.

You did what?

I threatened to wrap a shovel round his
neck.

I'd hardly got there before he started
on about Wilf. You can't go around

threatening to wrap shovels round
customers' necks.

You already have. Good for you, Terry.

What do you mean, good for you, Terry?
Well, this Mayberry bloke is obviously a

troublemaker. Right.

First thing he says.

What, no Wilfred Robinson this
afternoon?

Having a light down, is he?

Manual work tar him out, does it? You
could have asked him to stop.

Well, I did. By threatening to wrap a
shovel around his head.

I wish you had.

And I do wish you'd keep out of this.

Oh, I'm sorry. Am I interrupting
something?

I'm getting a roll of kin.

He threatened to hit Mayberry with a
shovel.

Did you really?

Yeah.

What's the matter with you?

You're all grinning like Cheshire cats.

Subway Landscape Garden.

Ah, Mr Mayberry.

Yes, I just heard.

Yes, as a matter of fact, I was just on
my way around to see you.

Indeed, it was inexcusable.

You blame me for sending you what?

Just hold on a minute, will you?

Mr. Mayberry, no, no, no, no. You listen
to me.

I did not send you a broken -down
personnel manager and a violent yob.

I sent you two decent, hard -working
people who are prepared to work for a

living, and that's what they get paid
for.

Not to be subjected to mindless sneers
from someone who has the effrontery to

feel superior, because presumably his
employers don't realise what a bunch has

jumped up.

twit he really is.

Never swore once.

I still shouldn't have brought shovels
into it, though. My dad always said to

me, if you're thinking of hitting
someone, always count to ten first.

Then hit him.

If it occurs to me, I know lots of
people round there, most of them with

gardens, and, well, they're not all
mavericks.

That's a good idea, Wilf.

We'll drive round one Saturday.

Ah, yes, fine.

Right, I'd better be off.

I like to play with Alana before she
goes to bed. Oh, I'd better be off too.

Joan always worries about me.

Bye, Miss Dalton. Bye, Derek. Yes, bye.

Bye, mate. I expect we'll be seeing more
of you now, eh?

Family man.

Yes.

Well... Well... I suppose...

I could cook us egg and chips.

I'd like that.

leave the best bit of your meal till
last, don't you?

Oh, yeah.

Best chip.

Best bit of egg. I've always done that.

I eat my best bit first.

Probably significant.

Probably means something.

What do you think it means?

I haven't a clue.

Probably something to do with
impetuosity and caution.

I mean, what was the last cautious thing
I did?

What was the last impetuous thing you
did?

Oh, I don't know.

Probably when I wrote to Hedy Lamarr.

What was that?

1954.

I was in love with her, you see.

Did she write back?

No. Black Mark Hedy.

Probably just as well.

Couldn't have lived on my pocket money.

I fell in love with Charles Lawton when
he played the hunchback of Notre Dame.

It's different.

It was that one sad eye.

Did you do anything impetuous?

Oh, yes.

Found out where he was making his next
film, got a bus, went to the studios and

asked to see him. What happened? They
wouldn't let me in.

It's all right, though.

I never felt quite the same about him
after he started playing two -eyed parts

again.

Don't take that flat.

Got to phone him tonight.

I know.

Say no.

The rents are reasonable.

He ought to pay you to live in a hobble
like that.

It was awful, wasn't it?

Even I wouldn't live there.

Well, perhaps when I get my translation
work going again, pick up the threads

from Brussels.

If it's none of my business, please tell
me so, but you must have made a lot of

money in Brussels. What happened to it?
I spent it.

I always spend money when I'm unhappy.

Why didn't you come back?

I did?

Earlier.

On your terms?

Well, I wouldn't put it quite like that.

I would.

Phone Wiggins.

I wonder if his butter sauce was up to
scratch.

I hope so, for his sake.

Ah, Mr Wiggins.

Laura Dalton.

Yes. Look, I'm sorry, Mr Wiggins, but
I've decided not to take the flat.

I'm very sorry. I hope it won't
inconven... Sorry?

Oh, yes, of course. Yes.

Goodbye, Mr Wiggins.

He's in the middle of a red custard.

Well, that's that.

Good.

Look, I've been thinking.

You oughtn't to be looking for a flat at
all.

This is where you should live.

Oh, Mike.

I don't know.

I should move out.

What?

Well, most of the things in it are
yours. You certainly turned it into a

didn't. You're confusing me. I don't
mean to. Oh, what a mess.

You're not a mess. No, I didn't mean me.
I mean us.

I suppose we always have been, really.

Well... Well, look, I'll have to think
about it.

I must go. Phil and Helen will wonder
what's happened to me.

Don't go tonight.

What?

Stay.

Are you trying to seduce me?

Yes.

I mean, we're such a mess.

What's happening?

I'm moving in, you're moving out,
sometimes, when, and in the meantime,

trying to seduce me all over again.

Yes.

Well, do try and put some words
together. You were eloquent enough when

telling Mabry what to do with his job on
the phone. Oh, I was different. I

didn't like him.

Well, I wish I'd never thought of egg
and chips.

I thought you were trying to seduce me.
Well, perhaps I was.

I missed you.

Yes, I missed you too.

I better phone Phil and Helen.

You did the ironing.

That was before I thought of egg and
chips.

Hello, Phil?

Um, it's Laura.

Look, there's nothing to worry about,
but I'm going to stay out all night with

friend.

Yes, of course it's Mike.

He's laughing.

Will you stop laughing?

A fine romance with no wrestling

A fine romance with no nestling We two
are just as

prickly as cactus plants Love hasn't got
a charm It is a fine

romance