All language subtitles for A Fine Romance s02e02 A Trip To The Dentist

A fine romance with no kisses.

A fine romance, my friend, this is. They
think we're like a

couple of hot tomatoes.

But we're as cold as yesterday's mashed
potatoes.

A fine romance with no wrestling.

A fine romance with no...

Not a chance.

It is a fine romance.

Please. No.

Oh, please, Helen. No.

Please. No.

And it's no good shutting yourself in
the cupboard.

I wasn't going to.

I was just thinking about when we were
children, that's all.

Now, I remember you crying... little
eyes out when you thought there was no

person as Father Christmas?

Yes, and that very evening he spoke to
me down the chimney, didn't he?

I could have got killed getting onto
that roof.

You got spanked. Yes, I did.

But there you are, you see, it all goes
to show that I'm willing to risk life

and limb for the dreams of my little
sister.

Now, that same little sister refuses to
take me to the dentist.

I'm just not prepared to get involved in
a brawl, and that's the end of it. It

wasn't a brawl.

A very fair semblance.

I lost my nerve.

You always lose your nerve when you go
to the dentist.

Well, I can't help being afraid.

Yes, I know, and I sympathise.

It's just that I think you need somebody
with more authority than me.

How about Mike?

No.

Why not?

Because he thinks of me as a fairly
together sort of person.

Are you sure?

Yes.

And I don't want him to see me all
silly.

Well, he's got to find out sometime or
other.

Well, maybe. I don't know.

Oh, please, Helen. No!

Well, when you have children of your own
and they stop believing in Father

Christmas, don't expect old Aunt Laura
to come calling down the chimney, that's

all. Might as well take a smashing job
with that sir.

He'd never think it came in separate
bits.

He does, doesn't he? Yeah.

You know, I can get quite interested in
gardening.

Well, looking at gardening.

Food for a sherry. Oh, thanks, Phil.

Nice to know there's a drop of human
kindness left in the world.

She wants me to take her to the dentist.

Oh, no.

Oh, thanks.

Did you see the bruises on her arm last
time?

I only clung on tightly.

Definitely pulled it off.

Why don't you ask Mike to take you?

Why should everybody say Mike?

Mike, the obvious choice.

He's a sensible sort of bloke, and you
and he are, um...

knows the right word, do they?

What word do you use? We don't.

When you're not in the first flush of
youth, you don't, do you?

I think lover is a nice word.

So do I. You can't go around introducing
someone to your lover, can you?

Frienders? Look, we are getting off the
subject.

And the subject we are getting off is
who is going to take me to the dentist

tomorrow? I will. I'll take you.

It's so irrational, isn't it? So stupid.

No, we're all frightened of something,
aren't we?

What are you frightened of?

Avalanches.

No,

not many.

I had one in 2019.

Come on,

you'll be all right.

Look, this isn't me.

I look like me and I sound like me, but
it's not me.

Very posh, isn't it?

Yes, I come privately, because after
they dealt with me, I like to pay them

personally.

You'll soon be out now.

You're hurting my hand. Sorry, sorry.

Now then, Mrs. Medercroft, twice a day,
and don't forget the floss.

See you at the same time next week.

Mrs. Coleman, we are ready for you.
Thank you.

I mean, good afternoon.

I punched her in the stomach last time.

Well, not when she came to call you. No,
no, in there.

They pump you full of stuff, it makes no
difference.

There'll be a child in a minute.

A smiling, unafraid child.

I hate them.

There's something else I'm frightened
of. What's that?

Hot fat.

Have you ever been burned by hot fat?
No.

Not very rational, your fears, are they?

Mine's totally rational.

They may hurt me terribly in there and
the pain's going to mix with the fear

something will go wrong and I shall
probably die.

And somebody will probably throw hot fat
all over me in here.

I mean, don't go wrong. No, no, no, no.
Stop it, stop it, stop it.

Yes. Oh, that's better. Better. No, it's
better. Oh, God!

Sorry.

Distract me. What?

Distract me. Well, how?

Well, I don't know.

Well, not like that.

Well, like what? Well, I don't know.

Very well.

What are you doing?

I'm going to recite Charts of the Light
Brigade.

I'm going to stand on my head whilst I'm
doing it.

Mrs. Dalton, we are ready for you.

Are you? Yes, come along.

Yes, come along.

You will take great care of her, will
you? Oh, of course. There's absolutely

nothing to be frightened of.

Goodbye.

Why? What's the matter? What's happened?
Nothing. It was just a little filling.

How many?

One. Yes, but... Yes, I know.

She is all right, isn't she?

Yes, of course.

She's a little bit woozy.

Mr John had to give her rather a full
dole.

She has been resting, but it's getting
rather late now.

And we would like to go home. That is,
if you think you can manage.

Oh, yes, of course. I'll look after her.

Well, would you like me to call your
taxi? No, no, no, no, I've got the bar

so I... I'll bring her in, then.

That's it.

Nice and slow, eh?

There you are.

Here's your, um... Friend.

Friend.

Lover.

Is this the... Oh, yes.

She's coming down now.

Hello, Michael.

Hello, Laura.

She'll be very tired very soon.

Does she have to come back at all? Not
for a very long time.

You are the

devil

You like to go before you go to bed.
Yes, talkie.

No, not tonight.

I know a dog with one ear and talkie.

He could hear perfectly with his one
ear. Yes, good, good.

Now, in you get.

What are you doing? You don't go. No,
I'm not going.

Stay. I am staying.

Just let's get you in first.

Poor little... Now, now, now.

Just you get into bed.

Yes, Michael.

I can't.

Now, will you do as you're told?

Yes, I can.

Come on.

Stop messing about.

Do you know what I want to do now?

Yes, go to Torquay to see Harold the
Dog.

Come here now, Whisper.

Shh.

Who's there?

Oh, you're a little devil, you are.

I always feel like crying after eating
one of your dinners.

It wasn't that bad, was it?

You knew it wasn't.

It's just the thought of destroying
something so perfect.

Well, there was a bribe, actually.

Oh, well, I'm bribed.

What do you want?

I'm wondering if you'd house -sit for us
this weekend.

House -sit? Yes, well, Phil's got to go
to Dieppe for the weekend, and just in

case he harboured any thoughts of taking
his secretary with him, I thought I'd

go along too, and we'd Dieppe together,
so to speak.

Ah, I see.

We'd bring you back a clove of garlic or
something.

Yeah, well, why not? Just give me a key
and I'll pop around a couple of times.

No, we meant, would you actually move in
for the weekend?

Burglary, you see. Helen worries. Phil
worries.

Well, we worry.

But if you were staying here... Both of
us?

Yes, of course, both of you.

Well, I don't know. I mean, there's a
lot of stuff to bring round.

You wouldn't. It's all here, the stuff.

I thought I might do a bit of work this
weekend.

Where? I thought I'd finish off your
lawn.

That was just outside the window. I
thought that was quite convenient.

Oh, yes, there is that.

Please, Laura.

Well... Forget it. We're pressuring
them. No, we're not. No, we're not.

We'll go into the kitchen and you two
can talk it over, OK?

Anyway, I'm sure we could find someone
else. I'm sure we couldn't.

What do you think?

Oh, I don't know. I'm not too keen.

Other people's houses.

I'm always afraid I'll damage the
system.

Why?

Well, strange loos never seem to work
for me.

I usually finish up on the seat,
fiddling about with the sister.

We can't really say no, though, can we?

No, I suppose not.

Look, Mike, she's my sister. You don't
have to stay here.

No, no, no, no. I couldn't leave you
alone in a strained house.

Well, you can bring us a bottle of wine,
some cheese as well.

I knew you'd say yes. Yes, I knew you
knew.

And all that for a little sister who
wouldn't even take me to the dentist on

Monday. Oh, I never did ask you. How did
you get on?

Well, I don't think they want me back.

She wasn't all that bad.

What did she do afterwards?

She didn't want to learn to play the
banjo, did she?

Well, there's nothing to tell. You were
just a bit high -spirited, that's all.

I salute you in the name of prom.

And now the conject.

Oh, whilst I think about it, could you
tell me where the stopcock is?

Why do you want to know where the
stop...

Cock is full.

Well, he might have to turn the water
off at some time.

All right, I'll show you.

He's got a thing about cisterns.

Lovely weekend, anyway. And don't forget
the cheese.

Nice and squashy.

Thanks,

Laura. See you, Mummy. Bye, Phil.

Bye.

For this evening.

Oh, Helen.

How sweet. Thanks.

You're right. You look a bit tense.

No, no, no.

It's just going to be funny being with
Mike in a strange house.

Oh, I'd find that rather exciting. Would
you?

Well, not with Mike.

It's not good to sound like that.

Well, you know what I mean.

Actually, I find strange bedrooms rather
sexy.

Hey, come on, Phoebe. All right, Jean
-Pierre.

See what I mean?

Well, if we won't let you in when you
get back, you'll know you're right. Go

Bye. Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Paris loves lovers.

Poor lovers.

It's heaven above.

They've gone to Dieppe.

Dieppe. Poor lovers.

It's heaven above.

I think I'll have a cigar.

You don't smoke?

Oh, the odd one, you know.

Special occasion?

They don't draw very well, these, do
they?

Aren't you meant to cut the end off?

Oh, that's good thinking.

Well, I think I'll... I'll save that for
another time.

Hiring.

For someone who feels uncomfortable in
strange houses, you seem almost

proprietorial. Ah, it's a nice house.

It's a... It's an easy sort of house.

Would you like another brandy?

Oh, thank you.

I think I may.

You've already had three.

Oh, who's counting?

I am.

You're rather schoolmarmish tonight.

Who was supposed to be looking after
this house?

Oh, what do you want me to do?

Do you want me to whiz around with the
vacuum cleaner?

Or perhaps I could rent a couple of
Dobermans and patrol the garden all

Don't be sick.

All right.

These, aren't they? Yeah, perfect when
you're trying to work.

Ah, they work.

Nice sheets on the bed.

What?

Oh, nice colour.

Warm.

Sort of colour of leaves on a Japanese
cherry tree.

I wonder what colour you call that.

Brown.

Yes, brown.

Now, look, now, look. There's a film on
television.

An old one?

Yes.

1944, The Enchanted Cottage.

Oh, good.

Half an hour yet. Would you like to
watch Show Jump? No, I would not like to

watch Show Jump. I'm sorry, Mike. I've
no excuse. It's just a strange house.

I'm... I'm not very good at playing away
from home.

It's not a very well -chosen expression,
is it?

Shame we didn't come straight from the
dentist.

What's that supposed to mean?

Oh, well... If you must know, afterwards
you were

very, very... What?

Well, all right, you were very sexy.

Oh, I see.

I mean, you weren't like you at all. No,
no, no.

Fine, I should arrange another visit to
the dentist.

Or perhaps I could get high on a couple
of Rennies.

I meant funny sexy.

Fine. Throw in a paper hat and a red
nose as well.

I knew you'd get it wrong if I told you.
All I'm saying is that simply, under

the influence of whatever they gave you
at the dentist, afterwards, before you

flaked out, you were...

Rather frisky.

Like a horse. For goodness sake, I am
not advocating the use of

artificial simulants as a route to high
passion.

Why don't they seem to work for you?

I fail to grasp your implications.

James has brown sheets, a couple of
brandies, and you start behaving like a

second -rate Rudolph Valentino.

Well, thanks very much. Not at all.

Well, I'm going off to bed to watch the
film. Well, I don't... Fancy that. Well,

you don't have to. There's not a
television in the spare room.

Good night.

Circles around the planks and comes up
now before he turns back for the start

for Derek's final round.

He could do with a good maximum here
just to finish up. His score so far, 38

-38, a 33, another 38, and the last
round is 12.

Good evening. I am the Sheikh.

You haven't seen a couple of cameras
pass through here, have you?

Oh, that was crafty.

Catson, what a laughing. That's my
mother.

Oh, it was a cheap crack, Mike.

Yeah, so was mine.

I met yours.

So was mine.

I'm glad you galloped up the corridor.

Oh, still got my slippers on.

Yes, so am I. Is the horse all right?
Yes, I parked him in the spare bedroom.

Were you locked up?

Yes.

Didn't leave a cigar burning?

No, I couldn't even get it to work.

Let's watch the film.

You sure?

Yes, if I don't like it, I can always
nod off.

Another late -night movie.

The Enchanted Cottage with Robert Young
and Dorothy McGuire.

This film is the story of two people,
Oliver and Laura, awkward to the world,

who find a special beauty in each other
when they spend the weekend in an

enchanted cottage.

Hello, Ollie.

But we're as cold as yesterday's mashed
potatoes.

A fine romance with no wrestling.

A fine romance with no nestling. We two
are just as prickly

as cactus plants.

Love hasn't got a chance.

This is a fine romance.