Original subtitles

They have no place like home.

With your family around you, you're never alone.

When you know that you're loved, you don't need to roam.

Cause there's no place like home.

Times are changing every day.

We won't get by with no flame or wave.

Pulling together, we'll make it round.

I mean, no place.

these principles, I was able to build my cosmetics company into a $30 million

organization.

$30 million?

That's just something.

Hers is the only makeup I use.

That's $30 million worth, right there.

What it comes down to, ladies, is this.

Conceive it.

Believe it.

Achieve it. Now, what did I say?

Conceive it!

Beneath it. Achieve it. Wonderful.

Now, some of you may ask, how does this concern me? I don't work.

The answer is, you can apply these same principles to your husband's or loved

one's career.

And to illustrate that point, I'd like to introduce one of our city's leading

citizens, a man who is rumored to be number 91 on the Fortune 500,

Mr. Drew Mortimer.

Thank you, Lorraine.

Actually, it's 90, but who's counting?

Ladies, what Miss Powell just said is absolutely true.

If it weren't for my wife, I wouldn't be a millionaire.

I wouldn't be successful.

I wouldn't even be here today.

She gave me permission to come.

But seriously, there was a time in my life when I was a very complacent man.

I considered myself a great success.

After all, I was making more money in one year than my father made in his

lifetime. And then my wife got me to set my sights on higher goals because she

knew I could do better.

So I say to you, don't be afraid to take a chance. Be bold.

Go ahead.

Stick your neck out.

Thank you.

You know, I feel like they were talking directly to me.

I feel so stimulated.

I bet I could help Lester become a millionaire.

My friend Susie worked seven years to put her husband through law school. Now,

that's what I call being helpful. When he graduated, he divorced her, handled

his own case, and caused him to die.

Thank you, Miss Sunshine.

Anyway, I'm still going to encourage Lester.

I used to encourage my husband, too.

I used to give him a pep talk every... every morning and he still wouldn't get

out of bed.

Your talk was so inspiring. I just wish my husband could have heard it. Oh,

well, now it's up to you to make sure he gets the message. Oh, he'll get it if I

have to put on a Western Union cap and deliver it.

Ladies. Oh, Mr.

Mortimer, I just want to tell you how wonderful I think it is that you give

wife so much credit for your success.

Well, she deserves it. She's always giving me a hand. In fact, right now,

helping me find a contractor for my new museum project.

Oh, Mary's husband is a contractor?

Oh, really?

Well, he's never built anything like a museum.

What about the space center? He built the space center. You must be very proud

of him.

Well, to be honest with you. Yes?

I am. I am proud of him. And, well, you should be. Why don't you have him call

my secretary? No, wait a minute. I'd better call you. My secretary just quit.

I just wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed your little talk. Oh, I took it

down in shorthand. I can't wait to type it up at 120 words a minute.

Really? I was just saying that my secretary just quit.

What a coincidence.

Yes, the constant travel back and forth between here and Paris just got to be

too much for you. You know what I mean?

Oui, oui.

Give him your number.

5 -5 -5. Not you.

It's 5 -5 -5 -7 -6.

Lester Jenkins.

Fine, fine. We've got to get this going. You know, this museum is a $50 million

project.

$50 million?

Well, good afternoon, ladies.

Good afternoon.

Mary, how could you let that man think that Lester built a space center?

Well, he built the coffee shop next door.

And that had space in the center.

Conceive it.

Believe it.

Achieve it.

When opportunity knocks, don't walk to the door.

Run and fling it wide open.

Oh, honey, I'm sorry I wasn't expecting you.

Was it my aftershave?

Hi, honey. Hi.

What are you doing home so early?

Oh, I thought I'd knock off early and maybe go to a movie. A movie?

Mm -hmm.

You know, wasting time like that is what caused the fall of the Roman Empire.

What are you talking about?

What happened to your ambitions, your dreams, your hopes?

I was hoping to go to a movie.

A movie? I'd love to go to a movie. Yeah, sure. Hi, Daddy.

Now, if famous Amos had wasted his time at the movies, Amos wouldn't be famous.

Who was it today, Mom? Phil Donahue or Oprah Winfrey?

I'm going.

I went to the most fantastic seminar today, and I met Drew Mortimer.

The Drew Mortimer? Yes.

And guess who's going to build his new $50 million museum?

Who? You.

Mary, I told you not to eat those mushrooms off the lawn.

You're crazy. I can't build a $50 million museum.

Honey, think positive. You can do it.

With nine guys and three trucks?

So it'll take you a little longer.

Listen to this.

Conceive it, believe it, achieve it.

Listen to this.

Can't get it, regret it, forget it.

Well, anyway, he's going to call you. Will you at least talk to him? Drew

Mortimer's going to call me here today?

Yes. Sure, baby. I'll talk to him.

And if Queen Elizabeth calls and wants to talk about remodeling the palace,

talk to her, too.

Ladies, these are the keys to the door to pleasure.

Well, as long as they don't open my door, the pleasure is mine.

You know my cute friend Ricky from the penthouse across the street? He's away

for the week and he wants me to take care of it for him. He knows how

responsible I am.

You know, I've always wanted to see the inside of a penthouse.

Why? I mean, an apartment is an apartment.

You know, Mary, you're perfectly right.

Take away the hot tub, health spa, indoor pool, panoramic view, and his

apartment is just as dull as yours.

Well, now, it can't be too dull, because every time I look up, you're in here.

You see, that's what I get for trying to introduce you girls to the funny things

in life.

Look, Sandra, I mean, we could care less about Ricky's penthouse. Right, Pearl?

Speak for yourself, Mary.

Let's hit the high time, Sandra.

We're looking at it this way, Mary. A couple of days in 228, and maybe Sandra

will never want to come back to 227.

Promises, promises.

Hello?

Mr. Mortimer?

Hello.

Yes, Mr. Mortimer.

Yes, this is Mrs. Jenkins.

No, no, no, no. Lester isn't home right now.

Oh, but he's most anxious to meet with you.

Tonight?

Well, yes, of course.

Yes, we'll be home.

Our address is 227 Lexington Place.

Could you hold for just a moment, please?

What is it? You can't invite him here.

Why not?

Well, because you told him it was a big shot.

And you've got a nice apartment, but a luxury penthouse it is not.

Well, what am I going to do?

Penthouse.

Hello, I'm back.

Yes, did I give you the address?

227. Oh, mercy me, no.

We're at 228 across the street.

Yes, just take the private elevator to the penthouse.

Oh, Marvie.

See you at six.

Ta -ta.

Mary, what are you doing? Girl, I am so glad you reminded me we had a penthouse.

No, no, no, no, no.

Sandra has the penthouse.

marry with me.

Oh, come in here.

Oh,

Sandra, this apartment is so beautiful.

Oh, Rose, look at that painting.

And the carpet is so plush.

Child, your Ricky sure has wonderful taste.

Uh -huh. That's why he goes out with me.

Oh, and you look absolutely stunning in that gown.

Rose, I thought you said you brought Mary with you.

Excuse me, girls, I got a little cappuccino brewing.

That's coffee, Mary.

Oh, that's so witty.

Isn't she witty?

Did you hear that?

That's coffee, Mary.

I'll kill her.

Oh, girl.

Girl, that hot tub is so relaxing.

But, Mary, listen, when are you going to... Ask Sandra for the apartment.

I'll get to it. Yeah, by the time you get to it, Mr. Mortimer's going to be

here.

Sandra, Mary has something she wants to ask you.

Oh, really?

What is it, Mary?

Mary?

Sandra, well, you see, there's this guy.

And, well, Lester's not supposed to know about it.

Yeah?

You know, Mary needs a fancy place to meet him.

Uh... It'll just take a couple of hours.

Come on, Rose.

I'll just cancel Mr.

Mortimer's visit.

But, Mary, he's already on his way.

Mr. Mortimer? The wealthy museum guy?

That's who you're playing around with?

Well, Mary's just trying to get Lester a contract.

That's a good way to get it.

Mary told Mr. Mortimer that Lester's a big -time contractor and she needs a

fancy place for them to meet.

She's not fooling around.

Oh, well, that's very commendable, Mary. Duh.

They're commendable.

Come on, let's go.

Oh, no, wait a minute. I have a brilliant idea.

What? What?

Mary, you can use the apartment.

I'll stay and be your secretary. And Mr. Mortimer can see how efficient I am.

Uh -uh.

No. You just messed everything up. Oh, come on, Mary. Please, please.

I've always wanted to see France.

One more please.

Please.

Okay, you're hired. Take a letter.

I, Sandra Clark, being of sound mind and body, do hereby state... Wait a minute.

That sounds like a will.

If you blow this deal, it will be.

Are the hors d 'oeuvres ready?

The Mormons will be here any minute.

Does the doorman know what to do?

You're supposed to be my secretary. A secretary would know.

Mary, would you relax?

Relax?

What's going to happen when Lester gets here?

You know, I'm surprised you even got him to agree to something like this. Well,

he didn't exactly agree.

He knows he's meeting the Mortimers here. I just left out one little detail.

What's that?

This is supposed to be our apartment.

That's them. It's the Mortimers.

Now, Mary, remember how much is riding on this. Right.

Think positive. Think positive.

Good. Just keep repeating to yourself.

Sarge is going to Paris. Sarge is going to Paris.

Would you get the door?

I'm the social secretary. Let the mayor get it.

Hurry up,

Rose. Listen, Mary, don't push it.

This is not what I meant when I said I'd give you a hand.

I appreciate it. Thank you.

And the name is Mrs. Jenkins.

Good evening, we're the Mortimers. I believe the Jenkins are expecting us.

Mr. and Mrs. Mortimer!

Thank you.

I'm so glad you could make it. Mary, this is my wife, Emily.

Emily, welcome to our humble abode. Thank you.

Oh, lovely.

Yes, indeed.

Do you remember my secretary, Sandra Clark?

Executive social secretary.

Oh, yes.

So nice to see you and the little woman.

I'm sure.

Why don't we all sit?

Thank you. Fine.

Excuse me.

Oh, what a pleasant room. Indeed.

Oh, yes.

I don't care for hors d 'oeuvres.

My, uh, these look interesting.

Hmm.

What are they?

Chitlins on rack.

Is Secretary Jobs still open?

Sandra, dear, shouldn't you be doing my correspondence in the library?

All taken care of. I also booked your cruise to Rio.

I set up lunch with the mayor. I changed your hairdresser's appointment. And I

picked up your theater tickets. All those secretarial things.

You know, your maid looks awfully familiar.

Well, of course. You met her at the door.

husband of yours. Oh, Drew is anxious to meet him.

Oh, I forgot to tell you.

Mrs. Jenkins.

Mr. Jenkins phoned earlier and said he'd be a little late. He's finishing off

another skyscraper.

Thank you.

Answering the phone is my job, Rosie.

Well, Sandy, you were lying around eating chocolates at the time.

I demand that this woman be dismissed immediately.

I will dust the top of her head off. Let me call on you today. I will freeze dry

that hair more than you. Well, you'll have to take this puzzle and do it.

Ladies, please.

Good health is so hard to find.

You are supposed to be in the kitchen. Well, I can't hear nothing in the

kitchen.

Hello?

Who? Ricky.

Who's this?

There is no Vicki here, and if there was, he wouldn't want to talk to you

anyhow.

Drew, if Mr. Jenkins doesn't get here soon, we're going to have to leave. We

have dinner reservations.

Oh, no, no, you can't do that.

What Mrs. Jenkins means is, why don't you dine here with them?

I do?

Oh, we wouldn't want to put you in any trouble. No.

Oh, it wouldn't be no trouble at all.

It won't?

Well, then we'll be glad to stay.

Perhaps you better inform the cook.

Pearl!

You can't leave me now. I promised him dinner.

Well, the pizza joint is open.

If you do this for me, I'll cook for you for a week.

Make it two weeks.

All right, two weeks.

Cooks are so temperamental.

Sandra! Well, who are these people?

These people are, um, uh, son.

Oh, I wasn't expecting you home from college.

I'm not in college.

Kicked out again.

Ricky, let me show you what your mother's got to your room. Well, you

to know what's going on.

Oh,

he's such a wonderful boy.

Isn't he a little old to still be in college?

Oh, that must be Lester.

Please be Lester.

Rosie, Rosie, dear.

Go in the kitchen and help Pearl.

All right, but talk loud.

Go.

Howdy. Oh, hi, honey.

Well, you made yourself right at home.

Whatever happens, I love you.

meet the Mortimers. Ah, Mr. Mortimer. Mr. Jenkins.

This is my wife, Emily. How do you do? Nice to meet you.

I love this apartment.

Especially after a hard day at work, right, honey?

It was good of you to see us on such short notice, Mr. Jenkins. I hope we

haven't inconvenienced you.

Oh, it's no trouble. It's either this or go home.

Lester always thinks of our beach house as our home.

We don't have a beach house. Well, of course. Of course not, silly.

Not since we've sold it.

Uh, excuse us.

Mary, what the hell is going on? Later.

Let's sit down, Mr. Jenkins, and get acquainted.

Drew, don't you think you ought to get right down to business?

Oh, of course.

Uh, let's talk about the museum project.

Well, as I told my wife, I'm just not set up to take on a project like that

right now. Too small for you, huh?

Well, honey, couldn't you make an exception in their case? I mean, I know

only $50 million, but you could squeeze it in, couldn't you? Mary! And, of

course, it would lead to bigger things.

Drew does put up a lot of buildings, Mr. Jenkins. Yes.

Oh, and, honey, they're such nice people. Why, thank you very much. So are

Mr. Jenkins. Well, wait a minute, please.

And I think once we get to know working together... Yes, that is what I feel. I

can't regret it.

Hey,

hey, hold it, hold it! He's trying to!

Y 'all right!

No, she's your maid. No, she's not. She's my landlady. I can't explain it.

Does a microwave cook fast or slow?

Excuse us.

What is all this?

I can't explain that, too. I think it's only fair that I get a moment to think.

I smell a rat.

No, it's chicken.

Something's burning.

Something's burning here.

Sandra? And who was that?

Dad.

It's harder to explain.

Come on, Mary, think of something. I don't want to blow my trip to Paris.

I think we'd all like an explanation.

Yeah, Mary, start talking.

Well, you know, actually, Mr. Mortimer, this is all your fault. Mine? Yes, you

raved so about how your wife was so helpful to you in your business that I

thought I could do the same thing for Lester. So I set this whole thing up

to impress you.

This is not our apartment. It's Ricky's. I'm sorry, Ricky.

Well, at least your son is doing well.

He's not our son, and these aren't our servants. They're our friends.

You mean this whole thing was a fraud? You brought us here under false

pretenses? Oh, Drew, stop it.

I would have done the same thing.

Matter of fact, I probably did, and I don't remember you ever complaining.

Oh, Mr. Mortimer, I'm sorry.

My wife does some crazy things sometimes, but I must say she's always

corner. Oh, honey.

We'll talk later.

Mr. Mortimer, I can't take on a big project like that museum. I have a nice,

small company. Perhaps we could do business in the future.

How about next week? We're going to need a lot of subcontractors on this job.

Right, dear.

Lester, give me a call.

Thank you.

And you and I must have lunch together.

And thank you for a most unusual evening.

Good night.

Good night. Good night.

Mary,

I'm leaving.

And tonight, I would like to have beef stroganoff.

And I will give you the menu for the next two weeks.

Later.

And don't tire yourself out, Mrs. Jenkins, because my apartment will need

of dusting.

Now I know why they say good help is hard to find.

I'm sorry things didn't work out.

Oh, it's not so bad. My company got a job out of it anyway.

I was talking about me. I wanted that secretary job.

Oh, forget about it, Sandra. I'll give you a job at my new restaurant.

You own a restaurant?

Yeah, we're just about to begin construction.

Well, do you need a contractor?

Mary?

So, do you need a contractor?