All language subtitles for 227 s02e09 Author Author

There's no place like home.

With your family around you, you're
never alone.

When you know that's your love, you
don't need to roam.

Cause there's no place like home.

Times are changing every day.

We won't get by with no flame away.

No, no. Pulling together, we'll make it
right.

With help from our friends, I know we
can fly. No place like home.

With your family around you, you're
never alone.

When you know that you love, you don't
need to roam.

I mean, no play child.

Oh, hey, Pearl.

What happened to you this morning? You
overslept?

Yeah. I watched Casablanca last night.

And every time Bogie says, play it
again, I'll watch it again.

How was the services?

Oh, just beautiful, Pearl. And we sang
your favorite hymn, too. Sweet Jesus.

I love that.

Lester loves it, too.

Loves it so much, he sings it in his own
key.

Yeah, even the Catholics down the street
mention that.

Listen, I don't have to take this abuse.
I got a lot of work to do upstairs.

Mm -hmm.

Take off your shoes before you're laid
out.

Mary, tell Pearl the good news.

What good news?

Oh, yes.

I am being considered as president of
the Women's Auxiliary at church.

Ooh, that is good news.

You're going to be terrific, Mom.

Oh, thank you, dear. But I haven't got
it yet.

Emma Johnson's being considered, too.
Oh, that cold fish.

She'd have to die to warm up.

I had her from Sunday school once.

She made us write down our 20 worst
sins. We had to borrow from each other.

Speak of the devil.

Good morning, ladies.

Mary.

Hello, Emma.

Esther, Elaine, Elvira.

I understand we're being considered for
the same position.

Why, yes, we are.

No matter which one of us is chosen, I'm
sure the Lord will find a place for

you.

You know, Emma, I know the Lord is sure
glad you're down here on Earth.

Thank you.

And not up there with him.

If you'll excuse me, my girls and I are
going to visit the Lincoln Memorial.

If Lincoln's smart, he'll get up and
leave.

That's what I like about Sundays.
They're so full of brotherly love.

Mom, I'm going in. I got a lot of
homework.

Okay. Take off your shoes before you lie
down.

That woman gone? Oh, yes, thank the
Lord.

Good, because my rubber plant was
beginning to wilt.

Oh, look at this mess.

Here, I'll take that pearl.

I don't know why I even bother putting
out trash cans.

I know what you mean.

Well, I'm going to get on upstairs and
get to my usual Sunday battle, how to

keep Lester from watching the Redskins.

Oh, listen to what somebody wrote.

Rose, you shouldn't be reading other
people's stuff.

Clasping me tightly, he pressed his
burning lips to my eager, waiting mouth.

What'd you say?

My mind was in turmoil as Leslie's hand
slid across my bare back.

His voice was soft and caressing as he
whispered, You're mine.

You're mine.

Lord, don't put that back in the trash.
That could start a fire.

Is there any more?

publication.

Publication? Mm -hmm. I'm writing a
romance novel, but, you know, it doesn't

have enough pencil to a check.

Why, practically point off my eyeball.

Sandra, you just can't all of a sudden
say you're a writer. Well, why not?

You always read about some housewife
writing a romance novel and making

millions. And they marry.

What do they know about romance?

And what is the name of this great work
of literature?

I call it Passion on the Potomac, a new
novel by Sandra Du Maurier.

Sandra Du Maurier?

You should call her Agatha Crazy.

But I can't stand her out here and waste
valuable time.

Where are you going?

Well, you know writing a romance novel
is hard, demanding work.

But the research is fun.

Mom, I'm finished. Can I go to the
movies with Tiffany?

Today is Sunday, Brenda. It's family
day.

The family would like to have you
around.

I mean, you should have read that stuff.
It was so bad that we read one page and

threw it in the trash.

Good for you.

Where's the trash can?

Come on, Brandy, help me clear the
table. I'd rather take down the trash.

Mary, wait till you read these pages
Sandra wrote.

What pages?

The ones we dug out of the trash after
you left.

I don't want to hear any more nonsense
about Sandra Du Maurier.

Oh, you don't? Well, you should, because
you're in it. We're all in it. What are

you talking about? Oh, she changed the
names a little, but it's definitely us.

You're Marie, I'm Rosita. And I'm
Pearlie Mae.

Read her what she said about me.

In this building full of romance and
intrigue, lust and jealousy, there was

one person I could turn to, Pearlie Mae.

She, with the wisdom of the years, eyes
full of life and desire, international

jet setter who left four husbands on the
battlefield of broken hearts.

What can I say?

That is me to a T.

Read what she said about you, Rosita.

I'd rather not, if you don't mind. Oh,
go on, read it.

Well, she just says Rosita is the owner
of the apartment house.

And she's a nymphomaniac.

Sounds like things are getting juicy.

Read your paper.

I want to hear about Marie.

Wait till you hear about Leslie.

Who is Leslie? That's Marie's husband.

It's right there, Rose. I see it. Well,
read it.

The tall, handsome Leslie with his
beautiful white teeth and neatly clipped

mustache stood straight and tall, a
barrier between me and the storm ahead.

Well, you gotta hand it to her. The girl
can write.

There's more.

Read that part, Rose.

Well, read it.

But even as he embraced his wife, Marie,
he knew her eyes were on Derek at the

punch bowl.

He could feel her heart quicken.

But he knew it was for Derek.

Who the hell is Derek?

And why would you fool around with him
when you got this tall, good -looking

Leslie?

Because I've had it with Leslie watching
football every Sunday.

Football? The game's about to start. How
do I get over to Charlie's?

Listen, you be careful, woman, because
if I come back and find Derek here, you

better give his soul to the Lord because
his butt belonged to me.

I know where Sandra gets off using her
book like that. It is not a book. It is

bunch of wrinkled pages that should have
stayed in the trash.

You do want to hear about Marie?

What about Marie?

It's right there, Rose. I know where it
is. Well, read it.

This woman is so slow.

To the neighbors, Marie was a simple
wife and mother sitting on the stupid

changing pleasantries.

But they knew nothing about her other
life.

A life of love, passion, manipulation,
and cruelty.

But Robert knew.

He lit a match, burned her photograph,
then pulled out a pistol and said,

I truly loved you, and shot himself.

Oh, my goodness.

She's found me out.

That is so dumb.

I mean, who would believe this myth?

Oh, well, you'd be surprised.

Some people believe everything they
read.

Good afternoon, Mary.

Why, Reverend, what a nice surprise.

I actually came by to see Pearl. I
understand she's been ill.

Why, Pearl, here you are.

Well, that sounds like a bad call.

How are you feeling?

I feel much better than I did this
morning.

Have a seat, Reverend. Oh, why, thank
you.

Well, can I get you anything?

Oh, no, thanks. I just wanted to
congratulate you on being nominated to

our lady's auxiliary.

Oh, why, thank you, Reverend.

Oh, they couldn't have picked a better
person than Mary.

Oh, Reverend, your shoe's untied.

No, it's just fine.

But, you know, it's going to be kind of
tough.

Beating Emma, you know, she is a pillar
of the church.

Oh, I think you've got a good chance of
getting the job, Mary.

Everyone knows you. You know your Bible,
and you have strong moral convictions.

Why, thank you, Reverend.

You're welcome.

Oh, look at this.

Oh, I seem to have wrinkled these pages.

I'll just straighten them out.

That's all right, Reverend. I'll iron
them.

His hand slid across to mine.

And he gently pulled me to him.

My mind reeled, wanting to say, no.

I would like to talk to you about this
book you're writing.

I would like to talk to you about the
sex -crazed landlady you've got.

I'd like to talk to you about expanding
that part about Pearlie Mae.

Because I've got some good ideas. Great!

Let me get them down for you.

Pearl, we want to ask you some questions
about this book.

Oh, my first interview!

Next stop, the Johnny Carson show here.

You'll want to take notes.

I was born in a small town of poor but
proud parents who didn't know what to

I don't care where you were born. The
fact that you were born is the problem.

Sandra, how dare you base your
characters on us? What makes you think I

that? Oh, come on.

Marie, Rosita.

And Pearlie Mae.

You know, something happened to me when
I was 18. You just loved. What was that?

Pearl.

Now, look, our lives are private. You
have no right to use them in your book.

Thought you'd be flattered.

I mean, come on, Mary, let's face it. I
put a little zip into your life.

And mine.

When I was 18.

Pearl, will you stop it?

Now, what we want to know is what you
plan to do with this junk.

Junk? Justin, my writing teacher and
good friend, assures me that any day

publishers will be bidding against each
other for the rights.

Oh, Lord.

Oh, don't worry, honey.

All they're going to do with it is lie
in bird cages.

Oh. Well, we'll see, Mary. I'm sending
what I've written so far to seven

different publishers. I'm going to make
everybody in 227 famous.

Now, who is going to buy a book about
nothing but lust, sex, dirt, and trash?

You just described nine out of the top
ten bestsellers.

Good morning, lady.

It was.

Didn't I tell you I finished the fifth
chapter last night?

Ooh, I can tell you this, doesn't it,
Leslie?

He is not as nice as we thought he was.

It is amazing how much sin you can cram
into one little apartment.

Or one little mind.

Good morning, you sexy little kittens.

What do you mean by that?

What did you read?

I say that's all my ladies.

Perked them up.

And it also gets me a better Christmas
present.

Which, by the way... You are getting the
same thing you got last year.

You didn't give me nothing last year.

Now you'll have a set.

Any mail for me?

There sure is, darling.

Two nice big envelopes. Uh, from
publishing companies.

Oh, shoot.

Oh, what's wrong, sugar?

Big envelopes usually means there's
manuscripts in them. And when they send

the manuscripts, that means they're not
interested.

What manuscripts?

I wrote this wonderful book.

Oh, really?

What's it about?

It's an exercise book. All about
breathing.

Heavy breathing is more like it.

Sandra, about your book. Wait a minute.

I mean, shouldn't you be on your
appointed rounds? People are waiting for

mail, you know. Are you trying to get
rid of me?

If I put a stamp on a steak, will you
deliver it to the Doberman down the

street?

And by the way, your postcards are
boring.

Geez, Sandra, that's too bad you struck
out with the publishers.

Yes, Sandra, what a tough break.

Well, I guess this means the end of your
writing career, huh?

No, Justin says before you become
famous, you should become infamous.

Oh, I know just how I'm going to do it,
too.

I got several copies of my apartment all
ready to go.

I'm going to give one to Emma Johnson at
the church.

Emma Johnson?

Mm -hmm.

Why her?

You know what a prude she is.

She'll be shocked to her toes, start a
campaign and have me and my book thrown

out of the city.

Then...

I don't feel comfortable doing this,
Mary. It is Sondra's apartment.

Rose, you're the landlady. You have a
passkey.

Besides, I hear a smoke alarm.

I don't hear a smoke alarm.

Okay, if you want to be known as a sex
fiend. I hear the smoke alarm.

Isn't this breaking and entering?

No, it's poking and snooping. Now, come
on.

It's open.

He left it open.

Now. It's not breaking and entering.
It's just entering.

Oh, Mary.

To see if there's been a robbery.

Oh, all right, all right.

Well, it looks all right to me. Let's
go.

As long as we're here, we might as well
look for the manuscripts.

We'll just put them in protective
custody.

Well, I guess we can get away with that.

Good. Come on.

Rose, we're not doing anything wrong.
Look, did she ask our permission to put

in her manuscript?

No, Ben, we don't need her permission to
take those copies.

Besides, I'll give them back to her
after we get the church job.

Would you stop wiping?

Now look at this bouquet.

There is not a single book in here on
how -to.

You know why?

Because she knows how to.

Oh, she does have a sentimental streak,
though.

There's no place like home unless it's
his place.

Cheap perfume.

Anybody in here?

If there is, I'm calling the police.

Sandra!

You're home!

Good, good.

I was just conducting my annual safety
inspection.

And, uh... Oh, and your smoke detector,
it's up there.

Uh -huh.

Mary, how's the roach inspection coming?

bags and moved to the motel.

Uh, you know, Sandra, you keep a
spotless apartment.

Well, Mary, shall we move on to the next
apartment? Yeah! Okay.

I don't know about the roaches, but the
rats are still here.

What's that behind your back, Mary?

That's my man who's for business. You're
trying to steal it. I could have you

arrested for burglary. Give it to me.
And I could have you arrested for

defamation of character.

Now, you look, I am being considered for
presidency of the Women's Auxiliary.

And if they think there's a grain of
truth to this stuff, I'm dead.

So please don't pass these out. And
especially not to Emma Johnson.

Too late.

I already gave her a copy.

No!

I mean, of all the people in the world,
why Emma Johnson?

I mean, why don't you just put it up on
the bulletin board at the supermarket?

Mary, will you please sit down and
change the subject?

Emma has a false, but she's not vicious.

You know what your problem is?

You think every...

everybody as good.

You're lucky you have me to point out
the rotten ones.

Nothing is going to happen.

And the last time you said that, we had
Brenda.

M, Rev, 730.

Brenda!

Brenda!

Yeah, ma? What is this? M, Rev, 730.

Oh, didn't I tell you? Emma Johnson and
Reverend Davis are coming over at 730.

What? Damn. Emma Johnson and Reverend...
I heard... I heard you. I heard you.

Nothing is going to happen, huh?

Mom, what are you talking about?

That's all right. Just go to your room.
Do your homework and don't come out.

Fine with me. I don't care much for Mrs.
Johnson anyway.

She's always telling me how well I'm
turning out in spite of the

What circumstances?

Isn't it obvious?

Me.

Oh, there they are.

Wait a minute.

What time is it?

7 .25.

Then I have five more minutes to enjoy
life. Don't open that door.

You have nothing to worry about.

Mrs. Johnson, come on in.

Reverend. Thank you, Mr.

My reverend.

What are you doing here?

Why, Emma called. Emma?

Oh, Emma.

I didn't see you.

Well, sit down. Sit down.

Can I get you anything? Coffee?

Tea? Coffee for me. Nothing for me.

Go on, talk. I'll get it.

Now, Emma, what is this all about?

You mean you don't know?

No. Emma called me and said we had to
have an urgent meeting.

Unfortunately, I have in my possession
some very shocking information.

An expose of... I think there's somebody
coming to visit.

Why don't we postpone this till
tomorrow?

Or next month?

Oh, I'll wait.

Oh, Emma.

I thought I saw you come to the
building. Hello, Sandra. So nice to see

glad you're here. I have another chapter
for you.

I am going to kill you.

Thank you, Sandra.

I'll read this when I get home.

Read it now.

Well, it really counts.

I am going to kill you slowly.

Well, if you think it's that important,
I'll just glance at it. Excuse me.

There you go, Reverend.

Oh, thank you, Lester.

Now, Emma, I haven't got all night. What
is this big problem we're here to

discuss?

Emma? The problem?

Oh, the problem!

There's no problem.

I just want you all to know that I think
that Mary would make an absolutely

delightful choice to be in charge of the
ladies' auxiliary.

I personally don't have time for it
myself.

Well, gotta go.

Bye!

That is one strange woman.

Congratulations, Mary.

Why, thank you, Reverend. I'd better be
going. Good night now. Good night,

Reverend. Good night, Reverend.

Sister Sandra.

I'll see you in a few Sundays.

I'll be praying for you.

Sandra, what in the world was on those
pages? Chapter six.

Introducing my newest character.

Choir practice over, Emmeline left the
church, went home, let down her hair,

changed into her crimson mini dress to
begin another night of love and passion

for profit.