Original subtitles

They had no place like home.

With your family around you, you're never alone.

When you know that you love, you don't need to roam. Cause there's no place

home.

Times are changing every day.

We won't get by with those same old ways.

Pulling together, we'll make it right.

We've come from our friends.

No, we can fly. But there's no place like home.

With your family around you, you're never alone.

When you know that you love, you don't need to roam.

Because there ain't no place like.

Better believe it. There ain't no place like. Better believe it. Because there

ain't no place like.

There's no place like home.

I mean, no place, child.

Mary, do we have to do this? Come on, now, smile.

Okay, don't smile.

Okay, now.

One, two... Should I show my knee?

Come on, you guys, this is a new camera, and I want to get a picture of my two

friends while we're still speaking.

Now, smile.

Carlos, you ruined my picture.

Ruined it? This face should be on a magazine cover.

Which one, honey, so I can cancel my subscription?

Now, move.

Well, now, come on, Mary. I'll pose for you. Here.

Take another shot, huh?

Okay, come over here. All right.

Okay, now. Keep going.

All right.

Keep going.

Okay. Keep going.

I'll be out of camera range. All right.

Okay,

now. Say money.

Money.

Oh, shoot. I'm out of film.

I'm out of patience, honey.

Is that Brenda?

Yeah, what's she doing?

Looks like she's getting ready to mug somebody.

She's a little old for hide -and -seek, ain't she?

Uh -oh, it's the boy.

She wants to meet him, and she can't figure out whether to A, drop her book

he can pick him up, or B, trip him so she can pick him up.

That'd be a C if she knew I was looking.

Oh, I'm sorry.

It's my fault. Let me help you.

I remember when I was going to school, dropping things saved me a fortune in

lunch money.

That's how I met my second husband.

What'd you drop?

My first.

Everybody,

this is Ken.

Ken, this is everybody.

Hi, Ken.

It's nice to meet you.

Well, I'll see you at school, Brenda. Okay.

Here, your book. Oh, thanks. I'm sorry, it was my fault. Oh, no, no, it was my

fault. No, it was my fault. No, really, it was my fault. No, it wasn't my...

Brenda, take the books.

Well, uh, I gotta get going. But, uh, thanks for inviting me to your party.

Okay. Nice to meet you.

Bye -bye.

Ooh, he's cute.

Polite, good -looking, nice to adults.

Now, if Brenda don't want him, I'll put him in the freezer for Tiffany.

Calvin better shape up.

There's some competition there.

Oh, Brenda, may I ask you something?

Yes, Ma? Now, between here and the corner, you bumped into this boy and

him to your party, right? Uh -huh. May I ask you something else? Sure. What

party?

He'd ask that.

Mm -hmm. Let's go upstairs and have a little chat.

Hi, everybody.

Hey, Brim, want to go get some ice cream? No, thanks, Calvin.

You don't see that?

Brenda trying to play hard to get.

She can't resist me.

I'm irresistible.

Don't wake him up. Let him sleep.

You told me I wasn't old enough to date, but you said I was old enough to have

friends over.

But we're talking about a party, Brenda. Don't you think you should have at

least asked me first? Well, Mom, this was an emergency. I had to think of

something fast.

Mm -hmm, and that's another thing, the way you met this boy.

Now, don't misunderstand me. I am not trying to say that you did anything

But do you think you should resort to trickery to accomplish things?

I mean, I want you to be honest.

Yes, ma 'am.

So who is this boy, who's his mother and father, and where does he live?

I don't know.

You don't know? Well, how old is he? I don't know.

Do you at least know his last name?

He doesn't have a last name?

Well, I think it maybe starts with a B.

Maybe an R.

You mean you don't know anything about him and you practically picked him up?

My two favorite ladies in the world. Hi, Daddy.

You look so nice today.

Is this a new hard hat?

Uh -oh, I'm in the middle of something. What is it?

Just a boy she practically picked up. What about him? Oh, we know a lot about

him. His last name begins with a B or an R.

What's this about you picking him up? Dad, I accidentally dropped my books and

he helped me with them and we started talking.

Oh, the old drop the book routine.

That's how your mama hooked me.

Mom, is that true?

It happened to have been a hymn book and it was in church.

And you were praying that it would work.

You also happen to be talking about your daughter. Mm -hmm.

Who invited this boy to her party.

What party? Oh, you don't know about the party?

Mom, I know I should have checked with you first, but can I please have a

Please, Mom?

What do you think, Daddy?

Should we let her have a party or should we lock her in the tower?

Let's lock her in the tower.

Daddy? Sure, you can have a party.

Dang, I gotta invite Tiffany, Carl, Bob. What about Calvin?

The long -legged boy you were crazy about yesterday.

Whose last name we know.

Well, I guess I should invite him.

Yes, you should. I just hope he doesn't bring his basketball.

He's so immature.

Those are the kind we like. I better start calling people. Is next Saturday

night okay?

Sure, we're not going anywhere.

Oh, well, I thought since I'm in high school now and I'm a lot more

do you guys have anything you want to do that day? No.

once in a while and stay in the bedroom?

We're not staying in the bedroom, Brenda.

Hey, wait a minute, baby.

That might not be too bad.

Daddy, can you not tell any of your jokes?

All right, all right, but you're gonna have a doll party.

Hey, Daddy, can you sit down a lot? Because when you stand up, it scares the

God.

Don't you have any rules for your mama?

Yeah, Mom.

Can you keep Calvin in the kitchen?

Oh, that'll be easy. I'll just wave a lamp chop on his nose.

Okay, I'll start calling everybody.

I don't know Ken's number.

Get the phone book, Brenda. That's how your mama found out mine.

Hey, baby, wait up.

Don't say, baby, me, you hot shot.

Hey, what's happened?

Nothing, as far as you can tell.

You're not going to put that headache stuff on me, are you? I'm not getting a

headache. My sister doesn't live with me. I don't have to get up early in the

morning. I just don't like you.

You may two -time your wife, but you ain't even going to get to one -time me.

Can't invite her, honey.

You keep out of this, old lady.

Don't you try to get smart with me, boy.

I'll stick my grandson Calvin on you.

Uh, I'm sort of busy, girl.

Women.

Men.

Married, huh? His wife thinks he is.

How'd you find out he was married?

Any man that drives you 40 miles to dinner then hides behind the menu every

the door opens is married.

Worst thing his wife will never find out.

Oh, yes, she will.

Unless my earring and his glove can pop.

my wastebasket.

See, I like a clean wastebasket.

I mean, it was half full, but you know how that looks.

Uh -huh.

Wendy coming by.

Who? The cute boy you're obviously waiting for. How did you know?

Because you got that look in your eye that says, I enjoy being a girl.

Well, you're right. He should be by here any minute.

I heard he works out at the Y on Tuesday night.

Ah, did your research, huh?

Oh, good.

Wish I'd done mine tonight.

Maybe I better go in. I don't want him to think I'm chasing him or anything.

no, honey, don't worry.

Men are not the brightest animals on this earth.

But they ought to greet it.

I invited him to my party next Saturday night. Do you know any interesting games

we can play?

I'd have about six guys and six girls.

Girls? Big mistake.

But they're my girlfriends.

Rule number one, a girlfriend is somebody who already has a boyfriend.

Well, I can't have a party with just me and six guys.

It's like I just want to get to know Ken better.

Reminds me of the party I gave for Roscoe when I was your age.

Ooh, that Roscoe was a Roscoe.

Anyway, my party was Saturday night, but I told him it was Friday. So when he

showed up, I acted so surprised.

Oh, Rocco!

I must have given you the wrong night.

But as soon as you're here, why don't you stay for dinner with me and my

Wasn't that sneak?

Uh -huh.

But at least I got to know him better before those barracudas got a hold of

I could never do anything like that.

Mom says honesty is the best policy.

I bet she does.

Oh, here he comes.

Well, honey, you handle it your way. That's the only right way.

Brenda.

Oh, hi, kid.

I was just out here getting a breath of fresh trash.

I mean, I was just emptying some fresh air.

Where have you been?

I was down at the Y working out. It was either that or homework.

Planned your party yet?

Yeah, is 7 o 'clock okay with you? What day?

Friday.

Friday sounds good.

I'll see you there.

Oh, remember my anchovy pate I made last Christmas?

Yes, yes.

But no, thank you. But it was very good, I remember.

Remember? I can still taste it.

About this party, as your landlord, I do have certain concerns.

Like what? Well, these kind of parties can get out of hand. You know, loud

music, yelling and screaming, people running around in togas.

It's not a Roman orgy, Rose.

I know. I guess I'm just being silly.

There won't be any drinking, will there?

I don't believe this.

Lester, did you hear what she just asked me? Rose, what are you worried about?

You know us better than that. Well, you know, people might get loose and fall

down the stairs, and then I'm liable.

Nobody will fall down the stairs. If they get out of hand, I'll throw them

the window.

Well, I guess I'm just a worrier, you know. Forget I said anything.

But you wouldn't throw them out the window, would you? Rose.

Hiya, Rose.

Oh, hi, Brenda.

You have a nice party. Thanks a lot.

No drinking or smoking.

Mom, look at this meal.

Beef wellington, potatoes au gratin, honey -glazed carrots.

I hate to disappoint you, Brenda, but at your party, we're having chips and dip.

I just thought this would be for a special occasion. You know, like

my birthday, or Friday night.

What's so special about Friday night?

Oh, nothing.

I just thought we should have a good, substantial dinner the night before the

party. They don't eat that good on Dynasty.

All right. I just hope we're not having meatloaf.

Oh? I'll go do my homework.

You want to explain that to me?

Mm -hmm. I've had your meatloaf.

Don't you think you ought to tell your... folks that Ken's coming for

Well, I tried to. It just wouldn't come out. Because you know you're doing

something wrong. That's why.

Well, not really.

See, I've been thinking.

If I told my parents, they'll have to pretend like they're surprised when Ken

shows up. But this way, they really will be surprised and everything will be

honest. Brenda Jenkins, do you believe what you're saying?

Tiffany, he's so cute.

And this gives me a chance to show Ken how wonderful I really am for all those

girls show up.

Oh, hi, Tiffany.

How was school today?

Oh, Brenda, I'm glad I caught you. Look, your mom and dad won't be home until

about 10 o 'clock tonight.

What? Something about a last -minute business dinner.

Mary just left to meet Lester. She can't. Oh, it's okay. It's okay. She

meatloaf in the oven. Or you can join Tiffany and me if you want, okay?

Just let me know. And don't stay out here too long.

Wow, a whole night alone with them.

name that I don't know.

He's bringing his father?

No. There are a lot of greens. How am I supposed to know which one is him?

Yeah, that's the perfect excuse.

Tiffany, I'm not going to even let him in the door.

No, I can't do that to him.

I know I'll let him in, but not far.

I don't know.

Just stop bugging me about it.

I hope I don't go crazy when I'm 15.

I would invite you in.

Oh, well, I'll see you tomorrow night.

Good night.

Oh, what?

I love you, too.

Hi.

Hi.

Do I need a password or something?

Yes.

It's just Friday, isn't it? Did I say Friday, Ken?

Oh, I'm so sorry. The party's tomorrow.

I can't believe I made that mistake.

I had a lot of things on my mind. I'm lying.

You are?

Yeah. See, I invited you over because I wanted to get to know you better.

And you can meet my parents and stay for dinner. I can't believe I did that. I'm

glad you did.

Really? Really. Where are your folks?

They're not here. They won't be home until 10.

Whoa.

And you're not supposed to have anybody in without your folks, right?

Right.

Then you want me to go?

Well, that would be better.

I'll open the door for you. No.

I'll get it.

You want a root beer first? Yes.

There's no seven of diamonds in here.

Well, I put it back in there.

Well, no, you didn't. I saw you hide it under that plate right there.

How did you do that? The hand is quicker than the eye.

My mother warned me about that.

You're okay.

So are you.

You're pretty, too.

Hybrid is married.

Anything I did, it works like a charm, doesn't it?

Well... How do your mom and dad like it? I don't know. Oh, that's a good sign

with parents.

Anything short of murder is a good sign with parents.

There's a little problem. I know it's hard to snuggle up in whole hands with

your parents around, but you need a few minutes alone to tell them how big and

strong he is. Even the little scrawny ones like that.

My parents aren't even home.

Mary ever traces this to me, I'm dead.

She's just looking for an excuse anyway, you know?

Chaperones. What if I had a chaperone? Oh, that's a good idea. You can get Rose

or Pearl.

Aunt Rose would never go for anything like that.

And Mrs. Shea would hit him over the head with something.

What about you? You would be the perfect chaperone.

Sandra Clark, a chaperone?

I don't know nothing about chaperones except how to still punch on them, lock

them in the bathroom, and lose them in a car chase.

knocking on your door, Ms. Clark. Oh, my date. Well, I gotta go upstairs.

Brenda, if you have any problems, you run right upstairs and get me.

Second thought, you better call me first.

What's happening, Brenda?

Nothing. I'm just telling Ken to leave now.

What happened? Nothing happened. Now go.

Well, it's getting kind of late.

Maybe you better get going. I understand.

I had a good time.

Me too.

Thanks for coming by.

Can I kiss you goodnight?

No, my father would kill you. My mother would finish the job.

But what they don't see can't hurt me, right?

That's probably Miss Clark again.

Hey, got some extra chance for your party. Who is he?

That's Ken.

Who's he?

That's Calvin.

What's he doing here? As I recall, the party was supposed to be tomorrow night.

You're a little early. Why don't you just leave?

Why don't you just leave?

Because this happens to be my turf. Oh, yeah?

Well, how'd you like to fall on it? Oh, you think you can make me? Why don't you

guys stop?

me some chairs.

Surprise, Calvin. We bought a front door.

What's he doing here? Brenda, what is going on? I hate to get involved in a

family argument. Nice to meet you, Mr. Jurgens. Hold it. Well, my work is done

here. Nice.

Calvin. I guess I could stay a while.

Okay. Who are you and what are you doing here? I was just as shocked as you.

Just shut up, Calvin.

My name is Ken Green.

Brenda invited me over. Oh, she did?

did she? Mom, it was just a big mix -up. We didn't do anything wrong, really. We

just had a couple root beers and I did a car trick. Hey, you want to see a seven

disappear? No, I want to see you disappear.

My thoughts are jacked.

I guess you know you shouldn't have been here without our being at home. That's

right. And you shouldn't have been here either. You got a point there, Mr. J.

As a matter of fact, why don't you both leave? I don't want to ever see you

around here again. Now, get!

Could I point out that I live in the building, sir?

Just get your butt out of here. Thank you, sir.

Open the door.

You open the door.

Somebody better open that door or I'm going to throw you both through it. Now

get!

Okay, young lady, start talking.

Mom, I invited Ken over thinking you guys were going to be home, but when you

guys weren't, it was too late.

We don't know anything about this, boy, and even if we did, you don't let

anybody in here when we're not at home.

What happened to our big talk about honesty?

Well, I guess I wasn't listening very well. But I'm listening now, Mom.

me, nothing happened.

I'll tell you what's not going to happen. Your party tomorrow night.

But, Dad... Hi, Brenda. Is everything all right? Yeah. Well, that's a good

thing, because if your mother ever...

get the dishes.

That's a very smart move.

I'm sorry. You ought to be.

Well, looks like our worries about boys are just starting.

Oh, we'll survive.

You order some pizza, Mama?

I don't know who your Mama is, baby, but she don't live here.

You're not Rogers?

Up there in the rear.

Hi, Britt.

Hey, Harvey. I didn't know you worked at the pizza place. Hey, looking good.

You too. I like your earrings.

Thanks.

I don't think we're going to make it,

Lord.