Original subtitles

There's no place like home.

With your family around you, you're never alone.

When you know that you love, you don't need to roam. Because there's no place

like home.

Times are changing.

Every day, we won't get by with no claim or way. No, no. Pulling together,

we'll make it right.

With help from our friends, I know we can fly. Cause there's no place like

With your family around you, you're never alone.

When you know that you love, you don't need to roam. Cause there ain't no place

like home.

I mean, no play child.

I'm gone, woman.

Bye, dear. Have a good time.

Bye, daddy.

Bye, babe.

Bye.

Let's go.

Oh, look, I'm not decent.

Don't try to figure it out. Women are always saying that. Shut the door,

Oh, Lord.

Hunter, what's the matter?

Well, I just popped into a rather invigorating milk bath when I realized

of shampoo.

Can I borrow some?

Yeah, but what's the hurry?

Pearl's cat's trying to lick my ankle.

I'll get you some shampoo, Miss Clark. You're a dear.

So who's the lucky date tonight?

Derek.

He's a professional wrestler, Mary. I don't want to say he's a hunk, but if

connect the freckles on his back, it's both macho.

Be still, my heart.

Oh, excuse me.

Here's your shampoo, Miss Clark. Oh, thank you, Brenda.

Oh, hi, Jim. Kathy.

Hello, Christine.

Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Rogers. Hi, Christine.

Well,

Kathy, I think it's time for you to handcuff yourself to your doctor.

Boy, I think you're right.

The little one doesn't come along soon. I'm afraid Jim's going to have to recut

the door frame.

I know what you mean. When Brenda was born, I thought she was going from the

delivery room straight to high school.

Brenda, try and put Christine to bed soon. We'll be at Lamar's till 11.

Okay.

Order the crepe Suzette. They're wonderful.

Lamaze is a class.

Natural childbirth.

Yeah, Lester and I went through that. Only it was called Ready or Not, Here

Comes.

Bye -bye, Chrissy. Bye -bye. We'll see you later. Bye -bye. Thanks for

everything. Have a nice time, okay? Bye -bye.

Have a good class.

Put her down, Brenda. She's big enough to walk.

Oh, what a cute little child.

With remarkably good taste.

Maybe she wants to lick your ankles.

I think she likes you, Miss Clark.

She's both soft and cuddly. She reminds me of me.

Want to go home with me?

She likes being tickled.

Well, what about Derek?

He likes it, too.

And you haven't lived till you see Sandra Clark tell a bedtime story.

Snow White and the Seven Dudes.

expensive food, imported champagne, wealthy dates.

Boring.

I got to have my eyes checked. That look like Sandra Claus.

Parties aren't the only thing in the world, you know. Call the doctor now,

my hearing.

Honey, take it easy for me, okay?

Really, Jim, you don't need to worry.

You can never be too careful.

Now, here.

See you later. All right, have a good day at work.

How's everybody?

Okay, fine.

The expectant fathers sure are something.

They sure are. What was that he gave you?

The number where he's going to be, the number of our doctor, the hospital, the

ambulance, the police, his mother, my mother, and... Oh.

What is it?

In case I haven't told you today, I love you.

Oh.

Well, we'll see you later. Okay. Come on.

Bye, Christine.

Bye, Sandra.

Bye, sweetheart.

Oh, what an adorable couple.

Oh, they're so cute.

I want to get married and have a baby of my own.

Yeah, are we in the twilight zone or what?

Am I hearing my ears correctly?

Sandra Clark wants to get married, have a baby, and settle down?

Settle down.

Like it don't go out every night?

Being a wife and mother is a lifetime thing. You can't just do this on a whim.

It's not a whim.

Lately, I've been feeling like I'm missing something. And when I held

last night, I realized what it was.

I think we all know that feeling.

We sure do.

It's time.

You know what I'm saying, don't you, Rose? Yeah.

You woke up this morning and realized you were getting old.

You a cruel woman, Rose.

See,

I've been reading these articles about the biological clock, and I want to make

sure I start clicking before I stop ticking, you know?

I know, but Sandra, if it's time you're concerned about, you've got a lot more

years. I got pregnant when I was 44.

You've got to be kidding.

That's what I told the doctor.

Sandra, are you really serious about this?

Mary, I just can't be the life of the party forever.

I want something permanent.

And what's wrong with a husband and a baby?

Nothing, but you do realize there'll be some sacrifices.

I suppose I'll have to throw away my little black book.

It's worth a fortune.

Sandra, how much would you charge me for two pages?

Well, Sandra, this is beautiful.

You're maturing.

And don't worry, I'm sure you'll meet Mr. Wright someday.

Someday? I give it till Tuesday.

Three whole days?

I mean, why take so long?

I'm having my hair done tomorrow.

Sandra, you can't find Mr. Right just like that. Of course I can. I'm Sandra

Clark.

Forgive me, I lost my head.

Well, I certainly hope you're not planning on marrying one of those

you know.

Mary, now don't go picking on my gentleman friends.

I'm just saying that some of your boyfriends are not exactly husband

I mean, you remember Orlando?

What was wrong with Orlando?

The first black Elvis impersonator.

Well, do you remember Maurice?

Do you remember Maurice?

Of course I do. The pilot.

He flew me to London.

Paris, Geneva, Rome, Madrid, Vienna. It was a wonderful evening.

Would have been nice if we landed somewhere.

Maurice ain't gonna land nowhere.

You actually want somebody like that to be the father of your child?

Well... Sandra, Mary's right.

You want your husband to be more down -to -earth. You know, you want him to be

wholesome, loving, and caring.

I didn't realize Mr. Wright had to be so many things.

I'd have to invest more time in finding him, huh?

Right.

I give it to Wednesday.

See you tomorrow?

How about forever?

You, me, a baby.

Cancel tomorrow.

How do you feel about little ones?

Say what?

Children. Say what?

A cottage for two, a picket fence, a swing in the backyard.

Swinging in the backyard?

Now you're talking, baby.

There are more losers in here than the Boston Marathon.

I tell you, it really is hard to find a good man. I've been out there shaking

the trees.

Everything falling is either too green or too ripe.

She is right. It is so hard to find a good man.

Oh, but it's so worth the effort, child.

Well, what does this do to your wedding plan?

Kills my guests. There's just so much that has to be right first. So I am not

going to rush into marriage.

Well, I'm glad you've come to your senses.

But husband or no husband, I'm still going to have that baby.

Did

I

hear what I think I heard? Having a baby without a husband?

That's really cutting out the middleman.

Girls! Girls!

Now it only makes sense. Mary, you were the one who said not to rush into

marriage. Well, I didn't say rush over it.

I mean, there's a certain order to things.

There's love, marriage, and then the baby.

Mary, you've got to move into the 80s.

I am in the 80s. I'm talking 1980s.

I don't have to find a man I love or even like to have a perfect child. He

has to have the right genes. I already have the beauty, the personality.

All he needs is brains.

Intellect.

the man doesn't need, and that's humility.

She's already got that. Thank you, Rose.

I'm gonna give me a state -of -the -arts daddy.

Excuse me, I gotta go to Georgetown.

There's this little coffee shop where all the college professors hang out.

Say, Sandra, going shopping?

Yeah.

I tell you, that girl could teach stubborn lessons to a mutant.

What's going on?

You know what she wants to do now?

Have a baby without a husband.

Now, how many men do you know would be... Crazy enough to go along with

something like that.

You really want me to tell you?

It's not funny, Lester. I mean, she could be getting into serious trouble.

Mary, she's a grown woman. If she makes mistakes, she'll learn from them. It's

none of our business.

Well, I guess.

Anybody know who the lucky guy is?

Dad, how do you spell anesthesiologist?

Look it up. That's why we gave you a dictionary.

doesn't know how to spell it either.

I heard that, Blaine.

Mary, somebody's at the door.

Mom, somebody's at the door.

This better be for me or you're all in trouble.

Hi, Mary.

Mary, Mary, do we have some news for you?

It's about Wander and the baby.

Uh, why don't you kids study in the other room?

Okay, Mrs. Jenkins.

Bedrooms are quieter.

Kitchens are even quieter.

Oh, yeah.

Do you really have a bedroom?

Never seen it.

We'll have open house someday.

Okay, what about Sonny? Well, she's having a hard time finding the

Good. Not good.

Now she's talking about artificial insemination. You know, going to one of

banks with all the genius genes.

Well, we've got to stop her.

Mary. Well, don't marry me. Now, I am not going to mind my own business,

I mean, think about the baby.

When he asked, Mommy, where did I come from, what's she going to say, a jar?

I forgot my eraser.

Oh, um, Brent, we're not talking too loud, are we? Oh, no, Mom, we haven't

a word. Good.

Boy, that's me what Miss Clark's doing, isn't it?

What are you talking about, Calvin?

I mean, I don't see anything wrong with it, do you?

Calvin.

Oh, go ahead, Calvin.

living in a modern world in washington dc right mr jenkins calvin continue

calvin people are much less uptight about sex nowadays calvin may i remind

that i am that man's daughter and when i'm 16 you might want to take me to a

dark movie theater uh mr jenkins i've seriously rethought my position

Good night, Calvin.

Good night, Mr. Jenkins.

Good night.

Somebody has got to do something about Sandra. I mean, no telling who she'll

to pick for the father next.

We've got to talk.

About what?

About your sense of right and wrong. About your morality.

Is this a stuck window?

Sandra, look.

I know you want to have a baby, and I think that's a wonderful thing.

But have you stopped to think about the baby?

I mean, it's just so much better for a child to be loved by a mother and a

father. Mary, I'm going to be a wonderful mother. I'm going to give that

all the love it needs.

Besides, look at Rose. She's raising Tiffany all by herself, right? Right.

But I wish I wasn't. Well, lots of women are raising children by themselves

these days.

And they didn't plan it that way.

Well, I am.

Excuse me.

Bester? Be right up.

Well, it's obvious she's not going to listen to us.

Wait a minute.

Honey, you know what I think?

I think Sondra needs somebody to talk to her.

Somebody who's wise, knowledgeable, and educated.

Okay, I'll give it a shot.

I mean...

Professional health.

Remember the psychologist that talked to your crew chief?

Yeah. Well, you said you were impressed with him.

Well, how will we ever get Sandra over to his office?

We don't have to. Let's invite him to dinner.

Mary, don't start.

Let's just think about that poor baby being raised by Sandra.

Life is going to be miserable for me until I agree to this, right?

Right.

Yeah, there are a lot of single parents who do a fine job.

But the bottom line is raising children is tough.

Even for two parents.

Yeah, you're right. Kids need all the help they can get.

We sure hope you can help our friend Sandra.

Nah, I'm sure I can.

Hey, tell me a little bit more about this Sandra.

What are her interests?

Men.

Well, what are her hobbies?

Men.

She must be interested in something else.

Rich men.

Oh, there she is now.

Now, listen, all I told her was that I wanted her to meet somebody.

You handle it any way you want. I understand.

Hi, Mary, I'm here.

Oh, I like him. Thank you.

I'm not giving him to you. I just want you to talk to him.

Oh, yeah, talk to him. That's a good idea.

Uh, Sam, this is... Sandra Clark. Hello.

Mary, is that enough talking?

I'm Dr. Walker.

Dr. Walker!

There's the interlocutor. He's so tall and handsome. Thank you.

Miss Clark, I hear you're thinking of having a baby. That's right.

You are a good -looking man.

Oh, thank you.

Uh -oh. Give me more time.

Miss Clark.

Sandra.

Sandra.

Did you ever consider the possibility that you're wanting this baby as an ego

manifestation? An attempt to perpetuate yourself?

Oh, I love the way he talks.

Let me put it another way.

Is it possible you want this baby because you're lonely?

Lonely? Look into my eyes.

Do you see lonely?

I don't think I'm reaching you.

How about if I meet you halfway?

That's my beeper. Did I shut you out?

It's possible.

But your beeper beeped. Hmm?

Do you have a phone I could use? In the kitchen, that way.

Thank you.

I'll be right back. I'll be right here.

That's why I'll be right back.

Oh, Mary, you are the last person I thought would be helping me. I really

appreciate it.

Um, Sandra, I don't want you to get the wrong idea. The reason we invited Dr.

Walker up here was to... I'm really sorry. I'm going to have to leave.

You really have to go?

Yes, he has to go.

I have to see another patient.

I'll walk you down.

I'll call you later.

Or for another appointment.

Don't wear yourself out.

Can Brenda look after Christine tonight?

I think I'm about to deliver.

Here? Now?

I called Jim. He's on his way.

Oh, sit down, Kathy.

Oh, maybe I should have called an ambulance.

Ambulance?

Brenda, come out here.

Yes, ma 'am?

Kathy may be getting ready to deliver. Why don't you take Christine back

upstairs and stay with her? Okay. Come on, Christine.

Take a deep breath, Mommy. Oh, I will, Pumpkin. Be a good girl.

Oh, thanks, Mary.

My contractions are getting strong, and they're beginning to overlap.

Overlap? Overlap? Is that good or bad?

It means the stork has radio for landing instructions.

I'll open a window and let him in.

Oh, where's Jim?

Yeah, where is Jim?

I'll call the paramedics.

Oh, Mary, what can I do? They boil water in the movie. I boil water.

Where's your recipe book?

Sandra, sit.

Now, listen. For Kathy's sake, we have got to stay calm and soothing.

I'm calm.

I can't believe this. I'm not due for another two weeks. Two weeks? We'd

get some food up here.

Sandra, would you stop it? The baby could come any minute.

That's very soothing, Mary.

You answered the door? I'm afraid to touch anything.

Oh, Jim. Oh,

Jim, thank God you're here.

I'm having the baby.

You're kidding.

Look, Jim, your wife needs you, like now.

And you know what to do. Go ahead.

Now, honey, just relax.

No, Jim, I'm so glad you're here.

Just try to remember what we learned in class. And when you feel the

contractions coming, just take a breath.

And then focus on the soothing object.

Like what?

Like how calm I am.

Here's some water. Oh, thank you.

Jim, we're running out of time.

Jim, what do you want us to do?

Get some sheets and blankets.

I'll get them.

Oh, get the blue ones, honey. Just in case it's a boy.

Here, look and sit her up.

Fine.

Sandra, I wouldn't ask me to do too much if I was you.

Right. Oh, Mary, what if I have to help deliver the baby?

Sandra, I think we'd all have to die before she lets you do that.

Thank you.

Where is that ambulance?

I don't want my baby born in an ambulance.

Hey, now, I was born in a cab and I turned out okay.

Now, look, take some quick breaths.

That's right, Kathy, quick breaths.

What's she doing now?

She's breathing fast.

Come on, you can do it, Kathy, breathe.

I can't! Yes, you can.

I can't!

You are breaking my knuckles!

She's right in here.

Excuse me.

Her! Her!

Get outside!

Has your water broke?

No, not yet.

Is this your first baby? No, no, we have a little girl, but everything went

smoothly. What about your contractions? They're coming about two minutes apart.

Good. Then we have time to get you to the hospital.

You can follow us. Oh, no, Jim. I need him with me.

Jim, don't leave me, please. Sure, that'll be fine. I'm here, honey.

Okay.

You'll be okay. Everything will be fine. Please hurry.

Okay. Just relax.

You'll be okay.

Okay. You'll be fine.

Thanks, everybody.

You're welcome.

Oh, man.

Well?

That is that.

Oh, honey, this brings back memories of the night Brenda was born. Yeah, I know.

Boy, I sure didn't need you that night.

And you were terrific.

Yeah, I was terrific.

Jim was terrific, too.

Well, we may have come in handy every now and then.

Well, Sandra, what is it?

I'm just feeling a little alone.

Oh, Sandra, you're not alone.

Mm -hmm.

You got Lester, Kathy has Jim.

I got nobody.

Now, look, I may not agree with what you're doing, but you're not alone.

You've got a building full of people who care about you, and right or wrong,

we'll stick by you.

Thanks, but I won't need you, because when Sandra Clark does have a child,

going to be with a man she loves and who loves her.

Good for you.

And you know what? We'll have a big wedding. Oh, no, wait a minute now,

First, let me just find the man of my dreams.

Well, come on. We better get going.

Where are we going?

To look in the garbage can for that little black book you threw away.

Oh, Mary, I never threw it away.