Original subtitles

There's no place like home.

With your family around you, you're never alone.

When you know that you love, you don't need to roam.

Cause there's no place like home.

Times are changing every day.

We won't get by with no same old way. No, no.

Pulling together, we'll make it right.

With help from our friends, I know we can fly. But there's no place like home.

With your family around you, you're never alone.

When you know that you love, you don't need to roam.

No, please, child.

Now, after the ceremony, we'll have lunch and then wheel out the cake.

You know, this is a wonderful thing you're doing for your family.

Well, they're a very special couple.

Gotta be to stay married for 50 years.

Well, I assure you that everything will be done in the best possible taste.

Oh, well, my goodness, look at you.

Thank you.

I'm at table four.

Is that the singles table?

Why, are you still looking?

Honey, when I'm dressed like this, I intend to walk out of here with

Well, I wonder where Mom and Dad are. They should have been here by now.

Well, Mary, you know those planes are always late.

Oh, Mary, this is so exciting, spending the day with you and your parents.

They're so devoted.

Yeah. They've always been that way.

Warm, loving, and caring.

Sounds like Cabbage Patch Dolls.

Oh, honey, let's wait for him outside.

All right.

Uncle Al!

Oh,

we're so

glad you could make it. I wouldn't have missed this for the world.

My sweet sister repeating her marriage.

I know I'm going to cry my eyes out just like I did 50 years ago.

That's because she got married first.

Carolyn is older than I. Those are the next words out of my mouth.

Well,

go on in. Help yourself to the appetizers. Thank you.

You're awful sharp.

Thanks, Mr. Jenkins.

Mom, you have me at table three with those little kids.

Say, I'm at table three, too.

And I just wanted to say how adorable those little kids are.

Go on in and enjoy yourself, Calvin.

Thanks.

Dad! Hey, Dad.

Oh, I thought you'd never get here.

Where's the bathroom?

The last time I saw her, she was behind a garbage truck.

What? Yeah, and her cab left before mine.

Let me take you back.

Now, why did they take separate cabs? Please tell me they didn't have an

argument. Mary!

Oh, Mother!

Lester! Hi, Mom.

It's so good to see you.

Do you have change for 20?

I need to tip the cab driver.

I'll take care of it. All right.

Mother, why did you and Dad take separate cabs? Oh, a little spat. It was

nothing. Oh, I see you finally got around that garbage truck.

Tell your father I'm not talking to him.

You're not talking to him? It's all right with me, since she never did shut

when she was on that plane.

Oh, come on, you two. You're just suffering from jet lag.

More like jet nag.

Here's a blessed one, an inspiration to us all.

How about a big smile for the camera?

Okay, come on. I don't see any smiling.

Rose, the cake is smiling. Take a picture of the cake.

Now, come on, you two. You love each other, and it's going to be a wonderful

day. Of course it will, dear.

And you can count on me to be pleasant and charming.

Pick one or the other. You ain't getting both.

Come on, Dad. Don't be like that.

Kissing makeup.

Go and kiss her.

Go on.

Sorry I'm late, but I didn't know what to wear.

So I slipped into something simple.

You sure put on the right thing.

Oh, you rascal.

Oh, it's nice to see you, Mrs. Hurley.

And you, Sondra.

Sondra, you be sure to save me a dance now.

I'll put you first on my list.

Then he better take his blood pressure pills.

Well, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to let the others mingle with me.

You just think somebody would have grabbed her by now.

It has entered my mind.

Oh, Mom, you left your scarf in the cab.

Oh, thank you, Lester.

I hope you gave him a nice tip.

Because I didn't have a scar.

Well, something old, something new.

Oh, Mother, why don't you go get ready? The dressing room is right through those

doors. Come on, Dad.

You know, I stood by them this day 50 years ago.

It's wonderful to see something so beautiful last so long.

I was married for 50 years.

But, of course, it took three husbands to do it.

Oh, Perry.

Mm -hmm?

Excuse me.

I just wanted to remind you that as my parents come down the aisle, you're

to be playing their very favorite song of 50 years ago, Prisoner of Love. Okay.

That old tune.

I hope I can remember it. And when I'm writing out the check, I hope I can

remember your name.

It's coming back.

I thought it would.

This is nice, isn't it? The 50th anniversary.

Oh, yes, the death of a...

Special meaning, doesn't it? Yeah. This year would have been our 20th.

Oh, are you divorced?

No, I'm a widower.

I'm a widow.

I don't want to wear a tie.

It's bad enough you got me in this corset.

Oh, don't you look beautiful.

See, I look beautiful.

Dad, let me help you with your tie. No, no, honey. I don't want to wear a tie. I

don't like ties. I haven't worn a tie since I retired.

Put it on.

Make me.

I'm warning you, Henry Hurley. Would you stop it? I can't believe you two.

You're acting just like children.

It's her fault. It's not.

It is, too. It's not.

It is, too. It's not, it's not, it's not.

Stop it.

What's gotten into you?

Now, look, Mother.

Lester and I have gone through a great deal of trouble to make this a memorable

day. I'm sorry, dear.

But don't worry.

Today is going to be lovely.

And we certainly don't want to disappoint our daughter.

Do we?

It's going to be a nice day, Mary.

I used to go with a drummer.

You know, I could tell you were a music lover.

Six Davis.

He had the fastest hands I'd ever seen.

Wait a minute, darling. You haven't seen me caress these ivories yet.

Oh, I'd like to.

Oh, but Styx was nothing but bad news. I don't think I could trust another

musician again.

Now, wait a minute.

Now, I mean, we're all not Styx Davises, you know. I mean, some of us care about

having a real meaningful relationship.

Finding somebody who's not just beautiful, but intelligent, too.

Well, then, strike up the band.

Time to go down the aisle.

Oh, I'm so excited. I can hardly wait to see it.

I missed the first one, you know.

Well, of course I missed the first one.

Listen, I'm going to get in place. You're going to be wonderful.

Well, shall we?

Isn't this a romantic day?

Yes, sir.

Good to see you, Calvin. Having a good time?

Now, see the minister up there. Just walk towards him slowly.

That's the way we always walk.

Here they come.

Wait till they hear this. Hit it, Ferris.

Alone from night to night, you'll find me.

Too weak to break the chain that binds me.

Why are you walking ahead of me?

I'm not walking ahead of you. You're walking behind me.

You're out of step.

I am not. You're out of step.

I hate that song.

Chattanooga Choo Choo is our song.

Who would pick Chattanooga Choo Choo as their song?

The same person that brought a book of crossword puzzles to their honeymoon.

You used to be charming. I just can't remember when.

At least I don't wear gym socks to bed.

It used to be warmer in bed.

My mother warned me not to marry an old goat like you.

Oh, is that why she stayed with us for 20 years?

It's so nice to see you. 20 years.

I'm stuck for life.

Like only yesterday.

You can get paroled any time you like.

How about now?

Mother! Mother! It's so nice to see you.

We're looking for our gift.

Here it is.

We're going to put it in the car.

But they'll be out in a few minutes.

Oh, good.

When they come out, the gift comes back. Go.

I'm sorry, honey. Things just haven't been right with your mother and me.

What do you mean?

It's him that hasn't been right.

Oh, well, I don't have to take this. This is my 50th wedding anniversary.

I'm going out there and have me some fun.

Oh, wait a minute, Dad. Dad.

Ah,

looks like there's trouble in paradise.

It happens.

You know, I think one of the reasons why my wife and I didn't have any problems

was that we kind of like gave each other space. You know what I mean?

Same with my husband and me. Of course, I had my hobbies, she had hers.

Oh, James used to love to go fishing.

Joyce loved poetry.

Oh. Every year, she used to spend a week in Vermont just to write. Vermont?

Oh, James always went fishing there.

He stayed in a little red cottage.

So did Joyce.

By the lake?

Right on the bank.

You don't suppose... No, no, I don't know. I doubt it.

Yeah, you had me worried there for a minute.

Of course, James never did come back with any fish.

Well, Joyce came back with tons of poems.

All about fish.

Second week in August?

Second week in August.

If she apologizes to you, you apologize to her.

Yeah, that's right. If she apologizes first.

And with feelings.

All right, you wait here. I'll be right back.

Hiya, Pop.

You need some cheering up?

I sure do.

Oh, now, now, that's no way to be on your 50th anniversary.

Why don't you go get your wife and dance with her? You know, we haven't danced

in a long time.

And then that was the tango. Well, I bet you you still know how to do it.

Yeah, it's been so long, I forgot the steps.

Well, I'll show you how.

Besides, you owe me a dance.

She's still in there?

Right behind door number one.

Well, there are a lot of ladies out there that need to get in there. I mean,

they're out there dancing around. It ain't because of the music.

Master, is that you?

Yes, Mom, it's me.

Henry isn't with you, is he?

Uh, no.

No, the last time I saw him, he was standing near the punch bowl all alone,

watching the ice cubes swirl around.

Is he that depressed?

Oh, he's a pitiful sight.

Well, I used to wait till he was sitting with his head in his hands.

But I guess he's suffered enough.

Yes.

It is the loneliest, best, pitiful creature.

Say something.

Anything. This is the worst day of my life.

So happy I could be a part of it.

Pop,

now you were great. You remembered every step.

Yeah. Look at you, honey. Why don't you rest up a little bit, and then we're

going to do that all over again.

Don't we have some real good moves out there?

So I've been told.

Look, what do you say you and I get together after this gig and discuss

affairs? I never discuss world affairs on the first date.

Look, Sandra, I mean, I want to be real with you. No more games.

I like that.

Maybe I'm crazy, but somehow I feel I can relate to you, be myself with you,

trust you. Uh, Perry, your wife called.

She can't pick you up.

I could explain it. Oh, you know, I'm sure you can.

But first, I want to get real with you.

I'd like that.

Mother,

come out of the bathroom.

I'd like to remind you, this room is not available all day. There's an Elks

convention coming.

Do you hear that, Mother? The Elks are coming.

Tell them to use the gas station.

Okay.

You always were a hyper child.

I see it didn't work out too well with your musician friend.

I don't want to talk about it.

You know, Sandra, it's really hard to find the right person.

Tell me about it. But at least, Rose, you had the perfect marriage. I don't

to talk about it.

He just mopes around the house.

He used to make me laugh.

Don't laugh anymore.

I used to call her from work just to give me a pickup, and now since I've

home, she's sort of turned into an old sowboy.

Well, you're bored.

I mean, if I was retired and around Mary all the time in two weeks, I'd need a

street jacket.

No, Mary, you're right.

Why don't you try to turn on the old charm?

Tell her a few jokes.

Yeah.

See what the life might do.

Especially the knock -knock one.

Hey, Lester, did you hear this one? No, wait a minute, Dad. No, no, no, come on,

Lester. Now, this is a pop.

Knock,

knock. Who's there?

Wayne.

Wayne who?

Wayne drops keep falling on my head.

You know what I think, Mother?

I think this is just another case of noncommunication.

I mean, just because you and Dad have been married for 50 years doesn't mean

can take each other for granted.

Well, why don't you tell him that?

I'm telling you, Mother.

Take Lester and me. Now, I'm... crazy about him. But when it comes to my

feelings, Lester can be as stubborn as a mule.

And you know how to handle a mule? You pull him by the ears.

Or hit him with a two -by -four.

Who is it? It's Lester and me.

Let them in, dear.

Hello, Carly.

Knock knock.

I said knock knock, woman.

Joke. Now, see, that's more like it.

And here I thought you were on your way to divorce court.

Divorce court?

Simply because we had a slight difference of opinion?

When I remember the battles we had over the years?

You should have seen the doozy we had when Mary wanted to marry you.

Well, you know, after 50 years of marriage, you have your good times.

Sometimes you love each other, and sometimes you just can't stand each

But the one thing it all boils down to is that she knows that I'm there when

needs me.

Same for me, except when he's home 24 hours a day.

Yeah, I think you're right.

It's just like Lester said. If he had to stay on with Mary for two weeks, he'd

need a straight jacket.

Don't have to hit you over the head with a two -by -four like Mary has to do her

mule over there.

Last call.

The Elks are in the parking lot.

Carolyn, will you marry me?

Oh, Henry, this is so sudden.

I think you can tell them to start playing their wedding march. Oh, good.

That's good.

I guess we'd better go, too. You don't want to be alone with me too long. You

might need a straitjacket.

Do they make straitjackets to fit mules?

It would be a good idea.

Then you ought to try wearing them. Why don't you wear them, too?

You're holding up the ceremony. Oh, let's get with it now, huh?

I just can't believe my wife and your husband... Meeting in Burlington,

Burlington?

No, Joyce went to Middlebury.

Middlebury? Not Burlington?

Middlebury.

Oh, Middlebury.

What a beautiful word, Middlebury. Middlebury. Beautiful.

Yes.

Will thou, Henry, take this woman, Carolyn, as thy wedded wife, to love, to

comfort, to honor her, and to keep her in sickness and in health as long as ye

both shall live?

I do.

And do you, Callan, take this man, Henry, as thy wedded husband, to love,

comfort, to honor him, and to keep him in sickness and in health as long as you

both shall live?

I do.

For as much as Henry and Callan have consented to marriage, I pronounce you

and wife.

You may kiss the bride.