Original subtitles

There's no place like home.

With your family around you, you're never alone.

When you know that you love, you don't need to roam.

Cause there's no place like home.

Times are changing every day.

We won't get by with old fame away.

No, no. Pulling together, we'll make it right.

We've come from our friends, I know we can fly. But there's no place like home.

With your family around you, you're never alone.

When you know that you love, you don't need to roam.

no place, child.

You gonna get that?

I'm lying down.

It might be important.

It may not, too.

Anyway, I can lay here and let it ring. You can.

I can, too.

I just don't choose to.

I'll get it.

Hello?

Hi, Stephanie.

You're kidding.

Ricky asked her to have a soda with him.

Like you said, it was important.

See, I told you it was a good idea to ride your bike over his foot.

Right there at the table?

Stephanie, let me take this in the kitchen, okay?

Yeah, both of them are.

Okay, well, don't hang up, all right?

Mom,

hang it up for me, please.

All right, I got it.

Lord, the things they get excited about.

Yeah, I guess we never will know what old Ricky did at the table.

Take a look at this.

Great car, huh?

Yeah, nice. Where'd you get the brochure?

Oh, I was driving by this auto dealer, and I stopped and picked it up.

Mm -hmm.

It's got a 411 to 1 gear ratio.

Mm -hmm.

Sure would be nice to have a sports car.

Sure would be nice to have some new furniture, too.

How you gonna get new furniture into a sports car?

I know you're laying down.

I'll get it, Ma.

He's just Aunt Rose. Come on in.

Well, don't bother getting up. It's just Aunt Rose.

So what are you two up to?

Well, we just paid off Brenda's orthodontist, and Lester's got a bonus,

can't stand being out of debt.

So he's looking at new sports cars, but I'm looking at new furniture.

I see. Ooh, look at that good -looking sofa.

Ooh, look at that good -looking car.

Whose side are you on?

Well, look, I just came by to remind you both about the neighborhood watch

meeting tonight. Are you coming? Can I just send my watch?

It might be important, dear. You know, there's been a lot of burglaries in the

neighborhood lately. Yeah, thanks to that fancy new condo across the street.

We now have a neighborhood worth robbing.

Well, we'll be there. We'll see you in a minute. Good. I got you down for

cookies. Right. All right. See you later.

Honey, if you're tired, you know I can go and tell you about it. No, no.

Neighborhood watch is a good idea.

Besides, I might get assigned to watch that sexy fashion model across the

street. Oh?

She's a fashion model this week?

Pearl, we're about to have the neighborhood watch meeting.

If I don't do these clothes tonight, tomorrow Calvin's gonna be playing

basketball in the news.

We're going to start as soon as Sergeant Hall gets here.

Oh, he's not here yet? I saw a police car drive up ten minutes ago.

Oh, I can't imagine what the delay is.

Hi, everybody.

That's the delay.

I want you all to meet Kenny.

I mean, Sergeant Hall.

Kenny's been on the force for seven years, was in the Marines, played tight

on his high school team, and plays a mean harmonica.

How long have you two known each other? About ten minutes.

This is Rose Holloway. She owns the building.

Nice to meet you, Sergeant Hall. My pleasure, Mrs. Holloway. Come and let me

introduce you around.

I love a uniform, especially when a man is in it.

You'd love a tutu if a man was in it.

I didn't expect to see you here today.

Why? I'm interested in security.

That's why I always like a man around.

more fun than a dead bull okay everybody take your seats please okay

you want to get started thank you all for coming tonight

we are privileged to have with us sergeant hall who is going to help us

our neighborhood watch i've been watching this neighborhood for years

Sergeant Hall.

Sergeant. Oh, right, yes.

Greetings from your police force.

As an officer of the law, it's a pleasure to look out at a bunch of faces

haven't seen in mug shots.

Now, crime prevention is not just a job for your police department.

It's everybody's job.

And we need teamwork to make your neighborhood as safe as possible.

Must be a big kid. He's 16.

So is his shoes.

Relax, man. They're all in the basement.

I just love it when they put up those signs that say they're having a

neighborhood watch meeting.

Well, what's wrong with Ricky dropping by?

What?

Thomas and Miami Vice.

Uh -huh.

Really?

Well, how long did the kiss last?

Of course you're supposed to time it.

Chain locks are okay.

A slide bolt is a little better.

But no locks are any good, people, unless you use them.

Now, I recommend that your front door should have at least one dead bolt leg.

you should always engrave an identifying number on your property. I would love

to tattoo my number on him.

A Social Security or driver's license number is excellent. We've engraved

everything with Mary's birthday.

614... Sister!

Sergeant Hall, what about writing down the serial number when you buy

That's a good idea.

I always write my serial number in a little book.

Well, that's good.

I lost the book.

get something for my mother -in -law's birthday.

Give her that chair. They're both ugly.

Oh, Sergeant.

I'd like to ask the Sergeant an important question. Yes, Mr. Jenkins.

Do you know anything about the 320XM?

Yeah. It's a nice car.

I start writing tickets as soon as I see one.

Sounds like a great family car.

You said you loan out these engravers. Could I borrow it to mark my

Of course.

Oh, well, Kenny, I'm just not sure I can work anything as mechanical as this

engraver.

I don't suppose you could come up to my apartment and do it for me?

Well, we're here to serve the public.

Must be an undercover operation.

I'll use numbers that I can remember.

3822. 36.

You'll never claim the property with those numbers.

Honey. What?

Why don't you buy it?

Buy what?

Buy what?

What you been talking about all day?

Oh, man, that's just wishful thinking.

Besides, we can't afford a car like that.

Well, we can if you really want it.

Besides, you're always thinking about us. It's time you got something for

yourself.

Yeah, it would be kind of nice. Things are going along rather smoothly.

Where's my chair?

Where's the cereal?

Sergeant Hall, I bet he's still up at Sandra's. He may be gone by now.

You're right.

Hello, Sandra.

This is Mary. Listen, I'm sorry to disturb you, but we've been robbed.

Yes, could you ask Sergeant Hall to come down?

Well, why not?

Well, could you ask him to come down as soon as he can?

Thank you.

He's handcuffed to the doorknob.

Say what?

She said he was demonstrating how they work.

And I want to believe her.

Mom, they took the stereo and the TV.

That's everything.

You'll be all right, dear. They left the telephone.

They took the chair my mom gave us.

Every cloud has a silver lining.

Mary, you sure this isn't an inside job?

Mom, now can I go tell Stephanie?

Go ahead.

Handcuffed to the bed.

The doorknob, dear.

That's not the way I'm gonna tell her.

Well, I guess I better make a list for our insurance, but knowing our policy,

ain't gonna get much.

Knowing that chair, we ain't gonna get nothing.

Oh, honey.

What is it?

Somebody was in our home taking things.

And Brenda was here.

Well, it's over now. Don't be scared.

I don't know if I'm scared or mad.

I think I'm getting mad.

Well, it's a little late, but we better get a new lock tomorrow.

Why? We already got four.

Well, I think it's about time we started using them.

neighborhood watch meeting? Yeah.

That's funny.

Sorry. Did you check the rooms in the back?

Not yet.

You better do that.

Hey, wait a minute.

You're a policeman. Shouldn't you go first?

What'd they get?

Oh, not much.

Oh, well, thank goodness you didn't have much worth stealing.

it that way.

It's all right. At least I'll get a new chair out of it. Well, if you get a new

chair, you're going to have to replace that tacky old sofa.

Or did it again?

Right.

But I could use a new sofa.

Now, Lester wants a new sports car.

Sports car?

Oh, Mary, there's nothing more pathetic than a married man in a sports car.

Sandra, if he wants a sports car, he should have one.

Well, everything else is okay.

Oh, thank goodness.

Well, you were lucky.

Well, I better call this in. Yeah.

Right now?

Well, I could call from your place.

Oh, good.

After that robbery, I'm kind of scared.

But not of you, Sergeant.

Oh, it goes in front of the chair, honey. No kidding. I thought it went in

of the john.

You said I'd only be away from work for an hour. Then you dragged me to every

furniture store in town only to come back to the first chair we looked at and

buy it. It's called comparison shopping.

It's called driving your husband nuts.

Oh, sit down and stop grumbling.

I want to see how you look in it.

Don't put your feet up there.

I got it.

I'm supposed to sit on the footstool and put my feet up.

Lester, I just don't want it to get dirty.

Get dirty.

How does it feel?

If you like it, I like it.

You think it goes with the sofa?

It goes with everything.

You can't even see it. You're sitting in it.

Mary, we already agreed that we don't need a sofa. The TV and the stereo are

coming tomorrow, so we got it made.

Now, if you want, I'll pick up a lamp on my way home from work tomorrow.

No, thank you.

Last time you brought home a lamp, it was a hula girl with a shade.

Hey, whatever happened to that lamp?

It accidentally fell in the trash.

Accident.

Hi, Mary. I heard you have something new.

Yeah, come on in and see.

Looks like the same old left of the meat.

Try it.

Oh, this is nice.

It's Italian modern.

Will it pinch me?

But if you don't mind my saying so, that old sofa don't go with it.

I know, but we can't get everything at once. Besides, let's just get in the

sports car.

Oh, at your age.

Come in.

Come in?

That's saying the door isn't locked. And after what happened?

I mean, what good did it do me to call the neighborhood watch meeting?

Didn't you learn anything from the robbery?

keep people out.

You're absolutely right.

Oh!

Who is it?

Mary, please. We don't have a Mary, please.

Mary.

Okay, come in.

Mary, I'm serious about this. I know, Rose. How you doing, Lester?

I'm fine, Rose.

Hey, you got a new chair.

The chair's over there. It doesn't go with the sofa, and I am getting a sports

car.

Oh, this is a beautiful chair, Mary.

You know, Lester's right. It doesn't go with the sofa.

Thank you.

Everybody else knocks.

Is it all right if I get the door?

worried Mary, thinking to myself, there's poor Mary downstairs in

of redecorating and no real talent for it.

Um, thank you, dear.

But I don't think we have the same taste.

For example, I like my mirrors on the walls.

Mary, I've gone through a lot of trouble for you. I dated this decorator friend,

Umberto, just so I could borrow these things to show to you.

Boy, that was a long evening that went to nowhere.

Did you put her up to this?

No. You know, that is a nice lamp.

Mm -hmm. It's our loan from Umberto.

I just thought it looked like Mary, sort of traditional and sturdy.

Maybe she can make you sound like a plow.

Sandra, we are only getting that chair.

Oh. Did you buy that already, Mary?

Yes, and I like it very much.

Ooh, that surprises me.

You know, Mary, you ought to go Art Deco. We aren't going anywhere.

Oh, Mary, come and look at this beautiful lacquer desk.

Oh, let me see.

Ooh, doggy of that page. Girl, wouldn't that look great with a brass and glass

wall unit? Ooh, it sure would. Wall unit?

Well, if you like modern, there's some wallpaper in here you'd die for. I'm

dying now.

Oh, Mary, look at these sofas, girl.

Sofas? Ooh, let me see that book.

Oh, this would look nice in here. Wait a minute.

Hey,

somebody let me in.

This is getting to be a pain in the you -know -what.

Wait a minute, dear.

Thanks, Mom.

Hi, everybody.

Hi, Brother.

Oh, look at the new chair.

You like it? Yeah, I love it.

Oh, wait till you see some of the other things.

If you're going to coordinate it, you ought to start with the rugs.

Rugs? Well, as long as Daddy's in a spending mood, can I get a new bedroom

Your Daddy is not in a spending mood.

Now, ten minutes ago, I came in here with a new chair and a footstool I

put my feet up on.

All of a sudden, I got the queen in her court decorating the palace.

Now, Mary, we made a deal. Now, I'm going out in the kitchen and make myself

sandwich while you tell these wonderful people goodnight. And then this weekend,

we are going to test drive our new sports car.

Well,

I'm not married.

Well, I'm glad I am.

Besides, let's just write. It's time he got something for himself.

I still think that chair makes that sofa look crappy.

You coming to bed, babe?

In a minute.

What are you doing?

I'm just looking at this brochure.

Mary, I thought we decided you... Oh, don't panic.

I'm just marking the sofa.

I mean, who knows? We may win the lottery someday.

Mary, getting the car was practically your idea. Now, I don't think it's fair

you keep trying to dump all this guilt on me.

I haven't said a word.

I can hear you thinking.

Honey, I want you to get the car. Just once. I'm going to get what I want.

Right. And you're going to love it.

Oh, here comes Mary and Lester.

Don't look like you had too much fun in that test ride, do you?

Hi,

how was the ride?

Great. We had the top down.

We can see that.

You know, I think it's wonderful that you're getting a young car.

A two -seat don't leave much room to make whoopee.

Well, she's going to love it once I teach her how to stick shift again.

Oh, you're going to buy it? As soon as I check it with a couple more dealers.

That a boy, Lester.

Aren't you glad, Mary?

Oh, yes.

Uh, honey, could we go inside?

I think I need something warm. Sure.

And remember, baby, you can have any color you want as long as it's red.

Honey. Mm -hmm? Do you think we can keep the top up sometime?

Uh, I'll think about it, ma 'am.

Why do you think we were riding around in a sports car freezing our butts off?

Hey, Mom, there's more stuff coming.

Oh, Lester.

Come here.

Excuse us.

Oh, honey, I love it.

But what about your sports car?

Oh, the car can wait. We really did need the new furniture.

Besides, that old sofa looked awful next to my new chair.

You know what?

I think I love you.

You know what? I think you ought to.