Original subtitles

There's no place like home With your family around you, you're never

alone When you know that you're loved, you don't need to roam Cause there's no

place like home Times are changing every day

We won't get by with those same old ways Pulling together, we'll make

it right With help from our friends, I know we can

I mean, no place child.

What is it?

I am pooped.

Well, what happened?

Calvin is what happened.

What did he do?

Grandmothers are supposed to bounce kids on their knees, not slam dunk with

them.

Well, you won't have to slam dunk too long.

I hear he's decided to major in electronics.

Oh, that was last week. Now he wants to be an actor.

He's trying out for the school play.

Uh -oh.

Well, I think it's nice.

You ever been to a school play?

I'm Mary. Oh, Pearl!

Your sister calls from Baltimore.

Lulu? Mm -hmm. She phoned me because she couldn't get a hold of you.

Pearl,

I don't know how to tell you this, but she... Well, she... Thinks she's dying.

Well, how'd you know?

She always thinks she's dying.

She sounded sick.

She always sounds sick.

She just wants me to come up there for a visit, that's all. Oh, Pearl, she

really sounded sick.

Does she have anybody to look after her?

Just a dog.

But he's so old, you have to lift up his leg for him.

Well, I'd better go up there and look after her.

Oh. Oh, but who's going to look after Calvin?

Now, that was worth coming home to.

Oh, we're having company for dinner.

Oh, great.

Who's coming?

Calvin. Oh.

He's coming for breakfast, too. Breakfast, too? How'd we get so lucky?

Pearl's sister's sick. She's going up there to see about him.

I hope you don't mind. I said we'd watch him. Oh, I'll watch him, all right.

Daddy.

Where is he? I'm hungry.

Oh, he's trying out for the school play.

Oh, yeah.

He's gonna be the romantic lead.

Oh, it's gonna be a comedy.

Dad, he'll be great.

He sure does look good enough.

Must not be the same Calvin I know.

Oh, that's probably him.

Calvin, did you get the part in the play?

Nope. Well, why not?

I don't want to talk about it.

Oh, that's a shame, Calvin.

Well, Calvin, glad to have you with us. I don't know why.

Well, you'll feel better after you have something to eat.

I'm not hungry.

After I made your favorite?

What? Food.

Well, what happened?

Austin Richards got the part.

But you're sexier than he is.

I saw him trying out.

Anyway, Calvin, you'll probably get another part.

I did. I'm one of the talking trees.

That's okay.

Yeah, just watch out for the dogs.

Daddy!

What's the use?

I was dumb for trying out for it in the first place.

You go ahead and enjoy your dinner.

I'll just sit here.

Oh, no, you don't. You come in the kitchen and help me.

Yes, ma 'am. Maybe I can stick my head in the oven.

Say, Calvin, swear not to tell anybody. I played little Lord Frontroy once.

Nobody else would wear the ruffles.

You want to talk about it?

Mrs. Jenkins, thank you, but you don't have to be nice to me. I'm not trying to

be nice to you.

I'm trying to get your chin up off my floor.

Just because you didn't get the lead doesn't mean anything. You did get a

I mean, a lot of kids don't even get a chance to be a talking flea.

Tree.

I'm sorry.

Tree.

Look, I want you to have a nice dinner, and then I want you to get a good

night's sleep, okay?

And tomorrow I want you to go down to that rehearsal and be the best talking

flea, I mean tree, ever, okay?

But what if tomorrow's bad?

Then there'll be another tomorrow.

Is there no end to my suffering?

On the other hand...

If you're not cut out to be an actor, now's the time to find out.

I just did.

Calvin, don't be so hard on yourself.

I mean, you're kind, you're honest, you're really a nice young man.

Well, I can't help it. I was born that way.

May I be excused, please? I just want to be alone.

Go ahead.

Hi, Calvin.

Oh, hi, Miss Clark.

some young man like you doing sitting out here all by himself?

Oh, just sitting.

Well, don't catch cold and lose your voice if you're going to be the romantic

lead in that play your grandma's bragging about.

I didn't get the part.

I can't believe it. A suave rascal like you?

You want me to call the principal?

I know a couple of things about him.

It's not his fault.

Well, what is wrong with him down at that school anyway?

Nothing. I'm just not good enough.

Oh, now.

What does your grandma say about this?

She's visiting Aunt Lulu.

The Jenkins are looking after me.

What did Mary say?

She told me to have a nice dinner and to get a good night's sleep.

That woman couldn't share up a lottery winner.

You want to come up for a cup of coffee and we'll talk about it?

Thank you, but I really don't want to talk about it.

Oh, I'll carry them on for you, Miss Clark. Would you?

Oh, look at that.

You hold them like they was light as a feather.

It's a big laugh when you think about it.

Calvin dives the romantic lead.

Calvin, now stop putting yourself down.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Stop being...

Putting out more negatives than a virgin on a hayride.

Oh, uh... Maybe I shouldn't have said that.

You know, it's not just the plane.

It's everything.

I feel like nobody likes me.

That can happen to all of us.

You too?

Well, not all of us.

Do you know why I tried out for the romantic lead?

So that I could pretend that I was somebody.

You don't have to pretend anything.

You're Calvin Dobbs.

That's the problem.

Tell me something.

What do you see when you look in the mirror while you're shaving?

Shaving? I don't shave. I mean, not every day.

Well, a little stubble's kind of matcha.

Yeah? Well...

Calvin, think positive. Now, when I look in the mirror, I see someone I adore.

But you're beautiful.

I know.

But so are you. Now, when I look at Calvin Dobbs, I see a very attractive

man. Tall, intelligent, very easy to talk to. Really?

But I'm just a kid.

Age doesn't matter.

Do you really feel that way? I never lie to a man.

I've never had to.

Calvin, all you need is a little confidence.

Women like strong, take charge men.

Now you got what it takes. Believe in yourself and go for it.

Excuse me.

I got company.

A very devastating man.

Yeah, maybe next time we'll still buy.

Mary, I've looked everywhere.

In the laundry room, in the storage room, even up on the roof.

Well, he's got to be somewhere.

I checked Miss Shea's apartment and there's nobody there. Oh, now I'm really

worried. Mary, like Rose said, Calvin is 16.

But he was really low.

Brenda, my, what a lovely child you are.

Child? Oh, yeah, and if you're afraid to let go around me, I'll understand.

Well, Miss Holloway, don't you look grand.

Thank you, Calvin.

Good to see you again, Mr. Jenkins.

Hey, Calvin, what's happening?

Uh, Mr. Jenkins, I apologized for my bad manners earlier.

But if you have any of that dinner left, well, I'm just famished thinking about

the delicious food you cooked.

Calvin, where have you been?

Upstairs talking with Sandra.

Sandra? I mean, Miss Clark.

What a wonderful, sensitive, understanding woman she is.

Sandra? Oh, yeah.

She thinks I'm devastating.

She never lies.

Sandra? Don't bother about dinner. I'll fix myself a bite.

Oh, and excuse me for not shaving yet today.

Sandra.

Well, take it from a man who had a crush on his sixth grade teacher, his

mother's best friend, and Lena Horne, that boy's in love.

With that old...

Sandra, I have to talk to you about Calvin. Oh, well, no need to thank me.

Somebody had to cheer him up after that slump you left him in.

Well, you cheered him up a little too much. Now he's in love with you. Oh,

that's ridiculous.

We just had a nice talk.

You had the nice talk.

He got his motor turned on.

Oh, shoot.

I overdid it.

Right.

And Pearl's going to blame it all on me.

Are you taking off for landing?

It won't be easy on Calvin losing the play and me all in the same day.

Maybe we could just let him savor it for a while, consumed with the fantasy of a

slightly older woman.

The slightly is the fantasy.

Well, Mary, even if you are right about this, it's just a silly little crush.

I remember when I was 16, oh, I met this really attractive Navy pilot.

Spare me, please.

Right. What you don't know, you won't miss.

Sandra, Lester and I have been married for quite a few years. If we ain't

thought about it, it ain't worth it.

Now, here's how I think you should handle Calvin. You telling me how to

man, Mary?

That's like me telling you how to scour a sink.

We are not talking about a man.

We are talking about a 16 -year -old boy.

who hasn't had his anti -Sondra shots yet.

You just mad because I cheered him up after you bombed out.

If you'll excuse me, I have a phone call I have to make.

Okay.

Mary.

Would you?

Well, don't you look handsome.

And so do you.

I mean, not handsome, but... Can I come in?

Yes.

You shaved.

You can tell?

Yes, it's quite evident.

Oh, it was Grandma's razor.

Where's you?

Oh, Calvin, you shouldn't get me a gift.

Oh, just a little something I picked up.

Hmm.

Ah, perfume.

Empty.

And, uh... Hmm, this will turn quite a few heads.

Yeah, it's very popular.

They had lots of it at the drugstore.

I know they do.

Calvin, I think we better have a little talk. Sit down.

I hope you understand what I'm going to say.

I like you very much. And I like you, too.

Well, I haven't finished.

Like I said, I like you very much.

And I like you.

Calvin, now I think you got the wrong idea from my little talk.

No, no, I got the right idea.

You told me to have confidence in myself.

I looked in the mirror and I saw what you saw.

A different Calvin.

A desirable Calvin.

Very young Calvin.

But age isn't important.

You know what I read? Every young man needs an older woman in his life.

Calvin, just cool it a minute, okay? And listen to me.

Now, this may hurt you, but you're going to have to hear the truth.

I'm married to a soccer player in Bolivia.

I don't believe that.

I can't accept this.

You know I'm not in love with you.

You mean it's just physical?

No. Hey, that's okay with me. I'll always be grateful.

Calvin, you're still a boy.

Hopefully I won't be after tonight.

Think about church.

You know Pearl's going to blame me for this, don't you?

She left us with this nice, normal, 16 -year -old depressed boy.

Now look what we got.

Calvin Casanova.

Mary, it's only a crush. All boys have them. If it hadn't been Sandra, it could

have been you.

There's no accounting for crushes.

I didn't mean it that way.

Hello. Well, hi, Pearl. How's your sister?

Huh?

What?

Well, I don't blame you.

Uh -huh. Uh -huh.

Look, I'll be right down there. Okay, bye.

Well, what happened?

She's down at the bus station. I thought I'd pick her up.

Pearl's sister was fine the minute Pearl got there, but they had a big fight and

her sister sicked that old dog on her.

Well, wonderful.

She went all the way to Baltimore to get mad at her sister. Now she's coming all

the way back to get mad at me.

Mary, it's not your fault. And don't worry about Calvin. If anybody can

him, Sandra can.

Oh, listen.

Mary, I... Oh, listen. Later.

Mary, I need your help.

Oh? You were right about Calvin.

No.

You mean he's in love with you?

Love? Try lust.

Calvin? Brenda, don't listen to this. He's up in my apartment right now with

tongue hanging out.

Cal? Brenda?

Came on to me like I was some kind of sex object.

Well, at least your advertising paid off.

Don't get nasty right now, Mary, please.

Oh, we've got a problem.

We've got a problem? You mean you've got a problem. You're the one who sent him

out to the stoop in a fit of depression.

All I did was come up and say hi there.

Oh, Sandra, you have never said hi there in your entire life.

It's always been hi there.

I had asthma when I was a child.

No, I can't hurt his feelings. What am I going to do with him? Well, don't ask

me. I'm too busy scouring the kitchen sink.

You see that, Mary?

Now, I knew you'd remember that now.

Besides, I thought you were the expert on handling men.

I can handle men.

I haven't had to turn off a 16 -year -old boy since I was 12.

be the first one to say no to him he'd remember me for the rest of his life if

said yes he'd remember me for the rest of his life can't say no can't say

yes maybe it's too cruel to contemplate

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here? I was invited.

Well, you're making a fool out of yourself.

You don't know what you're talking about.

Yes, I do.

I know why you're here.

You're trying to prove something you're not even ready to prove. What?

Well, you don't have to prove it. Not to me or anybody else I know.

You're too young to understand.

I'm old enough to understand I like the Cavendabs I knew yesterday.

This was just dumb.

You and Sandra?

Give me a... a break. It's embarrassing.

You can't talk to me like that. I can, too.

I'm not even old enough to date yet, and I care more about you than she ever

will.

You're my... You're my best friend.

Friend. Don't you see what you're doing?

What are you doing?

I'm crying.

You really are dumb.

You're right.

I sure am.

Look, Brenda, I care about you, too.

Doesn't seem like it.

I mean it.

In fact, I even got a present for you.

You just happen to have a bottle of perfume in your pocket.

You really do need to read a book about women.

Brenda, wait!

Calvin,

I want to talk to you about something I don't want you to interrupt.

I'm sorry, but it's over between us.

Brenda, wait, please.

Brenda, will you listen to me, please?

Stay out there.

Brenda, talk to Calvin out here.

What do you want?

I want to apologize.

Oh? Am I old enough to talk to?

Do you have to make this hard for me?

I came down here to tell you that you were right and I was wrong.

I was really dumb.

And I don't like you being mad at me.

I'm glad.

I guess the truth is, Fonda's nice.

But I'd rather be with you.

Calvin, that's beautiful.

I'd give you the lead in the play.

Hey, everybody. Look who I found down at the bus station.

Well, what are you doing back so soon?

My sister didn't need me.

She needs a shrink.

And so does that old ignorant dog of hers.

Hi, Grandma.

Hi, honey.

Uh, did you have any trouble with it? Oh, no.

As a matter of fact, it was a very interesting visit.

I missed you, Grandma.

Guess what? I got a part in the play. I'm a talking tree. Oh, what do you know

about that?

I even got a present for you.

sweet perfume.

Now isn't he the nicest boy you ever saw?