Original subtitles

There's no place like home.

With your family around you, you're never alone.

When you know that you love, you don't need to roam.

Cause there's no place like home.

Times are changing every day.

We won't get by with those same old ways.

Pulling together, we'll make it right.

With help from our friends, I... No, we can't fly back. No place like home.

With your family around you, you're never alone.

When you know that you're loved, you don't need to roam. Cause there ain't no

place like. Better believe it. There ain't no place like.

Better believe it. There ain't no place like.

There's no place like home.

I mean, no place, child.

I'm sorry about the mess. I got started and things just got out of hand. Yeah,

that's the way it was with my first husband.

I bet I can guess what you're having for dinner.

Cabbage. The whole building can guess.

Thank you, ladies.

Did y 'all come all the way up here just to tell me my place was a mess and that

cabbage smell?

No, Sandra phoned. And she told us to meet her here.

Sandra? Mm -hmm. Yeah, she and Reverend Davis.

Reverend Davidson's coming over. Yes, to talk about the extension on the lease

for the church.

Here? Yes. Today? Today. How soon? Very soon. And we thought we were late.

Well, look at me. Look at this place.

I'm going to kill that woman.

All days to cook cabbage. Rose, I've got to change. Here, I'll get this stuff

up. Pearl, would you open the kitchen window? Okay.

Oh, that's them.

Rose, quick. Tell them I'm out. You want me to lie to the Reverend?

Be cool, child.

He's been in a lot of disastrous areas.

Afternoon, Mary.

Hello, Mary.

Reverend!

Come in, come in.

My,

it's always so warm and homey here.

Good afternoon, ladies.

Why didn't you call and tell me you were coming?

I did phone you. I phoned Rose, I phoned Pearl, I phoned you and your line...

Oops, I forgot to phone back.

Well, Reverend, did we get the extension on the church lease?

You see, it would be pretty hard to do a Christmas service if we don't have a

church. Well, that's why we're here.

I was talking to the Reverend about a personal matter when he told me...

that awful odor?

It's cabbage.

I'm sorry. Lester just loves it.

Don't worry about it, Mary.

It's one of my favorites, too.

What about the lease?

Well...

I've got some bad news for you.

The corporation that owns our land is not going to renew our lease.

Why not? Some flimsy excuse about subdividing the lot and making millions

dollars. Oh, now we're going to lose our church.

Wait a minute. I've got to sit down for this.

Are you trying to tell me they're going to take the church?

I've got some good news.

That same corporation has given us a beautiful new lot overlooking the

Oh, that's wonderful.

But now we're going to have to build a new church.

Where are we going to have our Christmas services?

Oh, no need to panic. I've come up with a brilliant plan.

What, move Christmas till July?

Well, no, no. You tell them, Beth.

I just come from City Hall, and we have a permit to move our church. To move the

whole building?

How are we going to do that by Christmas?

That's the problem.

I've checked with the moving companies, but they'd be too expensive, and it

would take too long.

That's why we're here. We can all help.

I ain't going to move no church.

I've brought the estimate.

Unfortunately, it's going to take a minor miracle to get the church in place

Christmas. That's why in time of need, I'm turning to someone else.

Oh, you mean him.

No, him.

Lester? Mm -hmm. I volunteered him. Excuse me, Reverend.

You volunteered my husband? Well, we work for the same company, Mary. You

live with him.

Why, Sandra, that's a wonderful...

Besides, it's a big construction company. They can move the church.

But with Lester's help, we can get it done cheap.

And you don't have to pass that plate to me so often.

Then it's settled.

Oh, no. Wait.

Now, before y 'all proceed with any more plans, don't you think you should ask

him? Well, that's where you come and marry.

Little pillow talk.

Sandra, I am not volunteering Lester for something he may not be able to do.

Besides, he's very busy.

Hey, babe.

Boy, this has been one hell of a day.

Reverend!

How are you? I didn't know you were here. What you doing in these parts? And

much is it gonna cost me? Lester, I'm not here to ask you for any money. Uh

last time you said that I had to paint a church. Lester, have faith.

It moves mountains, among other things.

Excuse me.

Why are they all staring at me and smiling?

Don't worry about it, honey. I've already told them you're too busy to do

what? Move the church. Do what?

It's just a little church.

We lost our lease, but we have a new lot.

No, no, no. My company builds things. It doesn't move them. Oh, Lester, you

could subcontract.

Everybody at the company says that you can work miracles.

Cut the flattery, Sandra.

No pageant, disappointed children, old people with no place to pray. Look, now,

I just can't... What in the world is thinking in here?

Your dinner.

Well, it smells like burnt cabbage to me. Oh, no.

This is all your fault.

Oh, excuse me.

Doing God's work isn't easy, huh, Red?

Mary, with all due respect to the Reverend, I just don't have time to do

I know it, honey, and don't let Sandra talk you into it.

It's not that I don't want to help the church. I just got too much to do

already. Well, then just tell them that and be tough.

I'll back you up. All right, I've made up my mind. I'm going out there and

saying no, positively no, period, end of discussion.

Right.

If he bought Mary that new sewing machine last Christmas, his butt

to wait so long.

You don't have to let those pants out anyway.

Oh, yes, I did.

Santa's a pinch more jolly this year.

Why do I get stuck being Santa year after year? Because you volunteered.

That was in 1979.

The Army let you out faster than that.

Well, the Army is not your daughter.

Do I really have to be here?

You sure do.

Your darling daughter has written a big part for Daddy Santa and this year's

pageant. Well, I should be down at the church checking on the move.

Why don't you let Sandra do it? She's the real mover around here.

Well, I guess there's no real need to go down there. The church is up on

dollars. The truck is hitched up to pull it.

Besides, Fred said he's going to move us in tonight ahead of another move.

So, can the head of the house have his pants to put on?

Oh, shucks. There goes my plans for tonight.

Not before you come in and live with me.

I'm sure glad I didn't inherit Dad's land.

Well, where is everybody? We want to get this rehearsal started.

Yeah, we worked hard on this. This is going to be the best pageant ever. The

first Christmas at the new site.

Well, relax, lady. You did a great job.

And it's going to be terrific.

Make way. Make way for the wise man.

Make way for the Magi.

Greetings, greetings, everyone. Greetings.

Looking good, Calvin. Thank you. What message do you bring, wise man?

Oh, I'm glad you asked.

Look at this.

We just happened to be standing under the mistletoe.

That ain't wise, wise man.

I sure hope Santa gets my letter. Do you really think that's going to do any

good? Sure.

You look nice, Miss Sag.

Why, thank you, Tiffany.

Did you see my letter to Santa?

Not the original, but I did see one of your Xerox copies.

By the way, where is our angel?

Talk about a fallen angel.

Well, baby, how do I look?

Oh, great, honey. I just love a man with a beard.

Why aren't you out watching the church?

Oh, don't worry. Santa's little elves should be hooking it up to the reindeer

right now.

Well, you're the best -looking Santa I ever saw.

Okay, Tiffany, I got your letter.

You can forget about the Corvette.

Do you remind me why I'm doing this again?

You get to narrate the pageant. And you get to pass out candy cans to all the

cute children. Yeah, who sit on my lap with their wet pants, pull on my beard

and say, You ain't no Santa Claus.

Good evening, everybody.

Oh, hi, Reverend. Hi, Reverend.

Hi, Miss.

Why, Sandra, I didn't recognize you in that outfit.

I wonder why.

It looks like most of us are here. Shall we get started?

Yeah. Okay.

Alesta, can I see you in the kitchen for a moment? Sure.

Uh, Lester, weren't they supposed to be moving our church this evening?

That's right, Reverend. It's up on Dolly and ready to go. It's not ready to go.

It's gone.

Great. Those guys sure work fast.

You don't understand. I've looked in both places and everywhere in between.

Our church has been stolen.

Fred, Lester.

Ask him about the church. Give me a chance to say hello first.

Say, Fred, what happened to the church?

Our church.

with the cross and the steeple?

I thought you were supposed to move it tonight.

What? What, what?

Who? Who, who? Who, who?

Did you mind?

Huh?

You turn the job over to Larry. Well, tell him Larry screwed up. What? I'm

sorry, Reverend.

All right, can I talk to Fred? Well, you want to talk to Fred, don't you?

Because we got a whole bunch of wise men, shepherds, and angels in there, and

ain't got no church to put them in.

Oh, Mary.

Fred, we want you to find out who stole it. our church. Will you stop that?

Your wife better not suddenly end up with no mink coat either.

Listen, Fred, he hung up.

Well, I guess we better call the Bureau of Missing Churches or the police.

I already did that. They're looking.

Mom, Dad, we're waiting to rehearse the pageant. In a minute, dear.

Honey, do we have to go out there and tell everybody that Christmas is ruined?

Well, I guess there's no sense in alarming them until we know what

No, we sure don't want to get murdered during the Christmas rush.

Let's just go out and rehearse. Everybody's waiting for us. Yeah, okay.

Ho, ho, ho. Let's get started with the rehearsal.

Right.

So, Mary, what did the Reverend want?

It's personal.

Well, who's sick?

Who's getting a divorce?

Who's going to have?

ladies. We have to do the pageant.

Okay, now, you are one of the narrators, so you take this, and you stand over

there and follow the script.

Yep. Okay, now, everybody else, place it.

Okay, and action.

Some people think Christmas is all about me, good old Saint Nick. Project, Dad.

You try projecting with a beard.

But the true story... Christmas began when people came to Bethlehem for

census and found the town couldn't accommodate them all.

We've traveled long and hard today.

No matter how hard we look, we can't find an inn to sleep

in. I hope they weren't all stolen.

And that very night, a child was born.

Later, an angel appeared before some shepherds.

Hi, Vance.

I'm here to tell you about a major star that appeared in the sky to lead the

wise men to the manger.

The star lights the whole sky, and I can see for miles over hills and valleys.

I wonder if he can see a church on wheels.

Sorry.

So all... What were the wise men that they stood there completely silent?

You might want to learn a lesson from the wise men, baby.

Are you telling me to be quiet, Angel?

Angel, did I miss my cue?

Hark, hark, the shepherds are approaching.

That line comes later.

Yeah, you stepped on my line. I come first.

She said, hark.

I'm the harker.

Who cares? I'm an angel. You both just peasants.

is going far enough.

I think this discord is a sign and it's time that we had the courage to reveal

the truth.

Lester. Me?

Well, something has happened to our church.

It's, uh... Been ripped off. Ripped off?

What did they get? Watch my lips. The whole church.

What they gonna do with High Church?

Teenagers done it.

Joyriding.

Well, shouldn't we call the police?

Yeah. We already did that, Tiffany.

Did they put out an APB? Yeah.

After they stopped laughing.

Well, it's all Lester's fault.

He was in charge of everything.

Lester's fault?

You're the one that volunteered him. But he agreed to do it.

I agree, but I wasn't in charge of everything. Anyway, I told you I didn't

time to do it.

You're just mad because the first right thing you ever did turned out wrong.

Ladies, it doesn't matter whose fault it is.

That's right. Come on. We can make the best of this situation.

Somehow. Well, that's easy for you to say, Rose. Everybody thinks you're an

angel anyway.

This is my first shot.

No church, no services, no pageant.

No egg, no.

All because of Lester.

Hey, now, listen. Let me tell you something, son.

It's none of my fault.

Will you take your music somewhere else?

What? You just told the Carolus to go somewhere else.

If he hadn't, I would have.

I think it's time for us to have prayer.

I think you're right, Reverend.

All wise and everlasting thou art, God.

Our congregation, adults and children, have worked for weeks to prepare a

pageant in your honor, and now our church has been stolen.

We come to thee, dear God, for your guidance and for your help.

Amen. Amen.

Well, I guess I should have kept a closer eye on Fred.

Oh, it's my fault, honey. I never should have let them talk you into it. Maybe

it's my fault for pretending I didn't see that collection played last Sunday.

Maybe it's my fault.

For what?

None of your business.

Well, this is the first year that we haven't set up the manger theme.

Oh, now, come on.

Come on.

We can all rise above this.

Wait a minute, that's it.

The manger.

The what?

Well, the first Christmas was held in a stable with the manger, wasn't it? Yes.

Well, we can set up a stable on our new lot.

Oh, but Mary, our manger ceiling is so small.

Just give me some two -by -fours and some willing hands and I'll build one

enough to hold everybody.

Wait a minute, let me get this straight.

Christmas services outside in the cold without somebody to keep me warm?

Sandra Clark, we ought to clip your wings.

Listen, everybody, this may be the Lord's way of getting our attention.

Now, we've been grumbling and complaining because we don't have our

Christmas. Well, the church isn't brick and mortar.

The church is us.

That's right. It's not what's inside a building that counts. It's what's inside

us. Our mistake was thinking we didn't have a Christmas without a building,

all we really need is us.

I wish I'd said that.

Now, who's going to help me?

I will.

Now you're talking.

I bet we could fix the place up real cute and have a real authentic old

-fashioned Christmas with a manger.

You know, it is different. And it does sound like fun.

You know, it does sound like fun.

Sounds cold.

What about me? What can I do to help?

Well, you might round up some muscle men and give me a hand.

Muscle men? Yeah.

Well, any sacrifice for the church.

Blessed Mary.

God bless you.

An authentic Christmas. What a wonderful idea.

Now, you see, I knew what I was doing when I volunteered, Lester.

But you see, I knew what I was doing when I married him.

And the angel said unto them, Fear not, for behold, I bring to you

good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all the people.

For unto you was born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ

the Lord.

And this shall be a sign unto you.

Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.

And there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God and

saying,

Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, goodwill towards men.

That was lovely.

Hey, Lester, there's a policeman here and he wants to see you.

Me too.

I sure wish I had some hot chocolate.

Me too, with a little something in it.

My dear brothers and sisters, I know it was cold when you got here, but I sure

am feeling warmer now myself, aren't you?

There are many people responsible for this, but I want you to know that it was

Sister Mary Jenkins' idea to have the pageant here in the manger.

She wouldn't have had to do that if our brother Lester hadn't lost our church.

Well, what about me, Rad? It was all my fault.

We're praying for you.

Reverend, may we?

Folks, everyone, they found our church.

They moved it over to where they're going to place a big hamburger stand.

But we'll have our church just as soon as they can move it over here where it

belongs. But the officer assured Lester that our church looks glorious standing

there behind those golden arches.

Merry Christmas, everybody.

We wish you a merry Christmas. We wish you a merry Christmas.

We wish you a merry Christmas.

And a happy new year.

Everything just worked out so well, didn't it? Oh, it sure did. This was the

best Christmas ever.

Lester, you think you can make the same? mistake next year.

Hey, look, it's snowing.

Thank you, Lord.