Original subtitles

They had no place like home.

With your family around you, you're never alone.

When you know that you love, you don't need to roam.

Cause there's no place like home.

Times are changing every day.

We won't get by with old flame away.

No, no. Well then together, we'll make it right.

With help from our friends, I know we can fly. But there's no place like home.

With your family around you, you're never alone.

When you know that you love, you don't need to roam. Cause there ain't no place

like home. There ain't no place like home.

I mean, no place, child.

How's that, Mrs. Jenkins?

Oh, that's fine. Thank you, Calvin. You too, Eddie. I really appreciate this. No

sweat. Moving pianos, watering plants, feeding parakeets.

What's a mailman for?

Mr. Jenkins is gonna like this.

Oh, Calvin.

If you see him before I do, don't mention it, okay?

Oh, you mean it's a surprise?

What she means is she hasn't told them she's spent the money yet.

Lester won't care.

Won't care?

A man who just got a gas bill, telephone bill, insurance bill, electric

bill, rent.

He won't care.

Dental bill.

Dental bill for you. What's wrong with your teeth?

I bit a mailman.

I better hit all the pointed rounds.

Oh, wait a minute. Can I give you a cookie or something?

Oh, no. Not allowed to accept gratuities.

How about money?

I think that'll be all right.

For you. Oh, thanks, Mrs. Jenkins. And you.

Good luck with the piano.

Thanks, Pat.

Come on in, Rose.

You too, Pearl.

I bought a piano.

Oh, I love it.

Hey, it sounds good, too.

Well, you ought to know.

In fact, I was wondering if you'd consider giving me lessons.

Oh, I'd be glad to.

Of course, I've taught mostly children.

I used to be good on the piano.

You? Mm -hmm.

I used to love to sit on the top and tantalize the boys with my ankles.

So, Mary, when did you and Lester decide to get a piano?

Well, I got to thinking how Lester really loves music.

Uh -oh.

She hasn't told him.

Lester is a very understanding man.

Besides, it only cost $600.

$600?

Are you out of your mind?

Honey, I... Don't give me... Honey, I...

It was $600. I could buy myself a complete ski outfit.

You don't know how to ski.

And you don't know how to play the piano.

Honey. Don't touch me. I'm mad. I want to stay right here.

Hi. Hi, Brad.

Where did we get the piano?

We bought it.

How would you like to take lessons?

Lessons? Do I have to?

Mom, it's not even electric.

Well, Brenda, I thought you would be... Well, Mom, can we please... talk about

this later?

Go ahead.

I don't think she's dying to take piano lessons.

If you want the real truth, I thought I'd take piano lessons.

You take piano lessons?

Well, what's wrong with that?

What's wrong with that?

Remember those ceramic classes you took last year?

5 ,000 ice trays and none of our friends smoked.

Why don't you stick to singing? You already had singing lessons and you're

at it.

Well, maybe you're right.

Hello, Mary.

Rose tells me you bought a piano.

Mind if I show her?

Well, come on, Sandra.

Fine, go ahead.

Hi, Lester.

Hey, Sandra, Rose. Look at this old piano. Isn't it nice?

Uh -huh.

How'd Lester like it?

Ooh, that much, huh?

Ooh, I'd love to learn to play the piano.

To sit down at the keys and have all the men gather around.

Sandra wants to take piano lessons, too.

And Rose is kind enough to offer.

For a small fee.

On my piano?

Well, with your approval, I thought I could give lessons to both of you. For a

small fee.

Unless you're afraid to take lessons with me, Mary.

Well, I'm just looking ahead. I wouldn't want you to get upset if I progressed

faster than you did.

You progressed faster than me? Well, I do have the advantage of youth.

Look again, your advantage is slipping.

Mary's decided not to take lessons. Oh, no, she hasn't.

20 bucks says I progressed faster than you. You're on.

620 bucks down the drain.

I wish Rose would hurry up and come back.

I can't wait to get started.

I can.

Oh, I'm sorry about taking lessons at night, honey. I guess Rose wanted Sandra

and I to start together because she thought the competition would be good

us. If it doesn't leave blood on the keys.

You're really serious about this stuff, aren't you? If I tell you something, you

won't laugh, will you? I'll try not to. Well, see, I've always had this fantasy.

We're having dinner at the White House with the president and say, Lady Di and

Gorbachev and all the rest of them cats.

Anyway, the party's really dull. So the first lady stands up and she says, Is

there a pianist in the house?

And of course, I don't say anything. But you forced me to stand up.

And they all applaud. And while I stand up and I walk to the piano.

And I sit.

and then I played to thunderous applause.

And, well, the president and Lady Di and Gorbachev, they're all beside

themselves. Well, they just stand up and cheer and hug each other and, well,

I've saved the world.

You know, baby, that makes me mighty proud.

Mom, I finished the dishes.

Oh, thanks, honey. Do you need me to do any ironing or fold the laundry? Brenda.

You don't have to take piano lessons.

I love you, Mom.

I'll be doing my homework.

Oh, that must be Rose. I'm going to the bedroom.

Good evening, Mary.

Well, where's Sandra?

I'm coming.

I just didn't know what to wear for a piano lesson.

It doesn't matter. It's a girl piano.

There, that's cute.

Okay, ladies, let's get to it. Did you make your hand tracing?

I did.

One, two, three, four, five. Good.

Now, this will help you know what fingers to use on the keys.

Sandra, where's your tracing?

I couldn't do it. My nails were wet.

Besides, I already know how many fingers I have.

How about your toes?

Mary, a perfect ten.

Good. The apparition was a success.

Children.

Children, children.

Now, let's pay attention.

Okay? Now, the first thing you have to learn is that this is a piano.

Children always thought that was funny.

with the scale.

Now, do you know anything about scales?

I know they always lie.

Mary, please.

Now, excuse me.

This is middle C.

That's because it's in the middle.

Sorry.

All right.

Right thumb, finger number one on middle C. And we go up the scale.

C, D, E, crossover F, G,

Now, Mary, you sit down and you try it. Okay.

Say the notes out loud.

C, D, E, F.

Why doesn't it just start with A?

Because it doesn't.

Play.

if you can do better.

C, D, E, F, G, A, B, C.

Oh, good.

Good, Sandra.

Oh, it was good.

C, D, E, F. Arch your fingers. Arch your fingers. I'm arching.

Yay.

I have to play at night because Sandra works in the daytime.

You know, she's making a big federal cape out of it.

You'd think it was a World Series or something.

You know what I mean? Yeah, you mean she's doing better than you.

Well, I hate to admit it, but you're right. Well, it figures.

She's had lessons before.

What? Mm -hmm.

She told me that she had some lessons when she was in high school.

You mean she actually bet me 20 bucks when she knew she had lessons before?

Bye -bye, 20.

Oh, no.

Mm -mm. Two can play that game. I'm going to practice night and day.

But Mary Sondra works in the day. Now, that's not fair.

Fair my foot.

I'm going to pull the rug on that smug little bug.

Thanks, Calvin.

Anytime.

Uh -oh, Mom's at it again.

Yeah. You want to come in for a root beer?

No, I don't think so.

She's been practicing that for the past two days.

Yeah, you know, I have to admire her. Because if I was that bad at anything,

give up.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

Arch your...

Thank you.

Okay, now play the first note louder.

Okay?

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three.

Mary, don't look at your fingers.

This isn't easy, you know. I know, I know. But try to relax, have fun.

I'm having fun.

Oh,

that's very good.

Much better, much better. Give her a blue stuff.

If you don't mind, I'm trying to figure out where to put my finger.

Mary, Mary, you're causing yourself a lot of tension for a silly little bet.

Why don't you relax?

Pay me now.

I know what.

Why don't we have a little party?

We'll have some friends over, they can listen to us, and then they can decide

who's best.

Well, I don't think either one of you recital material.

Well, if Sandra's not up to it. No, no. If you insist upon making this a

childish contest, go right ahead. Give your party.

But look out, because little old Sandra will be right there.

Ooh, you can count me out of that vote.

No matter. It's going to be a landslide anyway.

What are you going to play? Twinkle, twinkle, little star? You're getting

good at that.

No,

as a matter of fact, I think I'll play Jingle Bell.

Or maybe I'll play Minuet in G by Ludwig von Beethoven.

Mary, you've been practicing. That's not fair.

So, you took lessons before. That's not fair. But you know I work in the

daytime. So, I worked in the daytime, too.

I don't care if it's night or night.

Just help yourself to the Adair score.

Break a leg, honey.

These are for you, Mary.

Oh, thank you, Pearl.

Now, this is for Sandra.

I always hedge my bets.

I'll just put these down.

I want my vase back.

Well, anything else I should know? Any little last -minute tip?

No, Mary.

And if there were, I'd have to tell them to saunter, too.

You know, Rose, you're so fair.

It's sickening.

You learn out of these little sandwiches, Bear.

Good thing I got here early.

Would you get that? Oh, sure.

You know,

we just spent 50 bucks on food to win 20.

Arch your fingers, arch your fingers. Sit up straight.

Smile graciously when you win.

Don't you think Mom's acting kind of nerdy about this?

Well, maybe and maybe not. It's the kind of way the world is today.

Competition is the name of the game. People compete for education, for love,

jobs. But Mom's competing on who can play the piano the best after three

Brenda, one of the secrets to a long, happy marriage is don't look for a lot

logic in stuff like this.

Who do you like in this ring?

Well, Mary's a sure shot on this one. Well, you know Sandra, she always keeps

something in reserve. I know, that's right.

Evening, Mary.

I don't like your looking Sandra's eyes. I hope you don't mind I brought along a

gentleman friend.

Mary Jenkins, meet Bernard Ives.

The renowned composer, singer, and pianist.

Hello, Mary.

Hello. I hope you don't mind my bringing him. I met him at the talent agency

where I used to work.

Oh, Lester, meet Bernard.

Excuse me, ma 'am.

Bernard, nice to meet you. Hello, Lester, how are you?

Hi, how are you?

Hello, Lester.

What's she up to?

She's got to be up to something.

Attention, everybody.

Bernard can only stay a little while, but I think I talked him into playing

us, if you want him to.

Thank you, thank you.

When Pounder asked me over, she said she had a surprise for me.

But this isn't what I had in mind.

Any requests?

Raspberry beret.

Oh, Bernard, don't tease us. Play the one you wrote, Everything Must Change.

And then you can play your little tune there.

That's what she's up to.

Not many things in life we

can be sure of.

Except the rain comes from the clouds and the

sunlight from the sky and the hummingbirds do fly.

Yes, the rain comes. From the clouds to the sunlight of the sky

And music makes me cry

Everything must change

Everything must change Everything

must change

That's why I'm going to make sure Sandra goes first.

Let me have something.

Thank you, Bernard. That was just marvellous.

Oh, and now I believe that you were going to play something for us, Mary

Oh, no, no, no, no. As hostess.

The polite thing would be for you to go first.

I insist.

Oh, I'd love to, but I sprained my little pinky this morning.

But you can still play, unless you want to call this whole thing off.

Come on, baby, you can do it. I can't play after that.

Oh, come on, try it, Mary, you can do it.

Well, I guess I'm not taking piano lessons for nothing.

Ladies and gentlemen, and Sandra.

I'm going to play Minuet in G by Ludwig van Beethoven.

Here you go, Mary. Here's your $20. You deserve it.

Oh, I can't keep it. I didn't earn it.

No, Mary, it's a bet. It's yours.

No, it's yours.

Mary. It's mine.

It's a small fee.

I'm real proud of you, baby.

Folks, you just heard what Mary's been learning to do. Now I want to show you

what she's really good at. And she's got a wonderful song I just love to hear

her sing.

Mr. Agnew, would you play Girl Talk, please? You got it.

We like to chat about the dresses that we'll wear tonight.

We chew the facts about our dresses and our neighbors' fights.

Inconsequential things that men don't really care to know become essential

things that women find so apropos.

But that's the day. We're all the same. It's just a game. We call it Girl Talk.

Girl Talk.

You're a meow about the ups and downs of all your life.

The weaker sex, the meeker sex, you mortal males behold.

But though you starve, you wouldn't trade us for a bag of gold.

So go to bed, don't go away, and hear me say that after girl talk.