Original subtitles

There's no place like home.

With your family around you, you're never alone.

When you know that you love, you don't need to roam. Cause there's no place

home.

Those times are changing every day.

We won't get by with those flame away.

No, no. Women together, we'll make it right.

With help from our friends, I know we can fly. No place like home.

With your family around you, you're never alone.

When you know that you love, you don't need to roam. Cause there ain't no place

like home.

There ain't no place like home.

There ain't no place like, there's no place like home.

I mean, no place, child.

How much?

I'm asking you to fix a refrigerator, not a 747.

What?

No, you listen carefully.

Look at this.

All the food in this entire refrigerator is frozen solid. What are we supposed

to eat? Oh, I'll try another repairman.

Oh, no, forget about the repairman. I want Calloway to take care of this

himself.

Try to fool around with that man, Mary.

He's totally neglecting his responsibility.

Well, honey, he's the landlord.

That's his job.

That's not funny. Our lease says we get a working refrigerator with this

apartment. That's his job.

Okay.

So we'll try talking to him again.

Oh, I'll talk to him. I'll talk to him in court.

Lester, you're not using your head.

I'm not using my head because there's not much food getting to my brain.

Oh, you know what I mean. I mean it's not practical.

Okay, if I can't take him to court, I'll take it out on his hide.

Oh, that makes a lot of sense. Just like a man. If you can't reason with him,

kill him.

And that's just like a woman always putting a man down instead of listening

his point. You call that a point?

What are you doing?

Chopping myself a glass of milk?

Your daughter is chopping herself a glass of milk, ma 'am. Don't change the

subject. I say we talk to Calloway again.

Talking doesn't do any good if he doesn't listen.

Well, maybe you're not asking him right. Well, maybe you can ask him better.

Well, maybe I can.

Don't worry about me. I'll just pick up a donut on the way to school.

Oh, Brenda, that's okay. Wait a minute. I'll fix you both some eggs.

That's all right, Brenda. I'll give you a ride and we'll stop off at the coffee

shop. Fine. I'll wait in the living room until you guys finish fighting.

You see, it's all because of that stupid refrigerator. We can't let Calloway get

away with this.

Well, honey, why don't you let me talk to him again?

It won't do any good. Yes, it will. No, it won't. All right, all right. You get

one more chance, and that's it.

Okay, I'll go to his apartment, and I won't leave until we get a new

refrigerator. All right, and if that doesn't work, you hit him over the head

with these eggs.

And that ain't the half of it.

Girl, I couldn't believe it.

Calloway fell asleep while I was talking to him.

No, he didn't. Yes, he did.

Snoring like a pig.

Mouth wide open.

I should have shoved an apple in it.

Oh, girl, what are you going to do now?

Oh, I don't know.

One thing is for certain. I've got to find another way to get a refrigerator.

You could go on one of them game shows and win one.

Well, I'm ready.

Lester and I played Family Feud all morning.

Maybe you ought to go on divorce court.

Hello, ladies!

Oh, hello, Sandra. Off to work?

Yes, well, you know what they say. Those who can do and those who can't sit.

And what do you do? I get out in the world.

I'm a part of the workforce of America.

I'm a communications liaison.

A communications liaison.

Well, what is a communications liaison?

A receptionist.

Well, I better go to work.

Oh, Dawn, I left my lunch.

I never saw you take your lunch to work. I never do. But Mr. Calloway took me

out to dinner last night, and I have this wonderful leftover lobster.

She makes me sick.

Well, you can bet if she needed a new refrigerator, she'd get one in a hurry.

That's it.

You could ask Sandra to talk to Mr. Calloway. Girl, she could get you that

refrigerator. Are you crazy?

I'd rather eat a bug.

Oh, come on, Mary. Talk nice to her. Who knows?

You two may even become friends.

Any woman with an 800 number has enough friends already.

All right.

Okay. You want to keep arguing with Lester? Fine.

You want your whole family to be miserable?

Fine. You want that bug barbecue to fry?

Glad I remembered this.

Lobster.

Thermidor.

Calloway always goes first class.

Except when it comes to this building.

I have no complaints.

I guess you don't.

I really better go. Bye, ladies.

Sandra, Mary has something she wants to ask you.

Oh, what is it, Mary?

It's nothing important. Mary, you want to ask me something or not?

I'm late.

Well, Sandra, I know we haven't always seen eye to eye, but... Ear to ear, nose

to nose, belly to belly.

I was wondering if you could talk to Mr. Calloway. About what?

Well, see, our refrigerator died.

And according to our lease, Mr. Calloway is supposed to give us a new one.

So I was wondering if you could...

Let me get this straight.

You want me to do a favor for you?

That's the idea.

Let me really get this straight.

You, who doesn't seem to have much use for me, now want me to help you get a

refrigerator?

This really means a lot to you, huh?

Yes, it does, Sandra.

Well, no.

You mean I'm the only one with this special feature?

Well, don't tell Calloway. He'll probably raise the rent.

You haven't talked to him yet? And bother him with my little problem when

Sandra's apartment probably hasn't been painted in weeks?

Maybe that's Calloway now.

Oh, I hope so.

Hi, Rose. Mary, earlier today we discussed what favor I might do for you.

we neglected to discuss is what favor you might do for me in exchange.

Are you saying you can get Mary's refrigerator?

It's possible, if she'll do something for me.

No.

Mary, come on, at least listen to what she has to say. Thank you, Rose.

As it happens, I left the water running in my bathtub this morning, and now my

apartment is a trifle moist.

So that's where this leak came from.

Perhaps.

Perhaps our team of the city's finest plumbers is correcting the problem as we

speak. Cowboys got plumbers for you already?

Mm -hmm. I can get plumbers.

And I can get refrigerators.

Mary, your problems are solved.

We haven't heard what the woman wants, Rose.

Well, there are several large men squeezing my sofas out right now.

This may prove difficult for me to throw this little party I planned for this

evening, so I was wondering if I could use your place to entertain a few

here tonight.

In my apartment?

What time?

About seven -ish.

Oh, wait a minute.

Let me really get this straight.

You, who doesn't seem to have much use for me,

now wants me to let you have a party in my apartment?

new wallpaper and Mr. Calloway's been slow to respond, maybe I can help her.

Wait a minute, Sandra. Wait a minute. Now, Mary, that doesn't seem too much to

ask. Just one night and a few days.

Come on, now. You're going to get a new refrigerator, wouldn't she, Sandra?

I'd practically guarantee it, but if Mary isn't interested, I won't twist her

arm. Wait a minute, Sandra. Mary, isn't there anything you want to say?

I don't know. What'd she say? It's a deal. Hold on.

you're doing it for yourself.

You're doing it for your family.

Think about Brenda and Lester.

Oh, Lord. Lester.

Oh, come on. When Lester finds out this means a new refrigerator, just think how

happy he's going to be.

I am thinking.

Calvin, is that you behind there?

Yes, ma 'am. May I come in?

That depends.

What's in the box?

Just a few things that Sandra, Miss Clark, asked me to bring down for a

tonight. She didn't tell me about any things.

Could I please come in? These feathers are tickling my nose, and I got a

real bad.

Come on.

Now scratch, and then take that box right back to Miss Clark.

Afternoon, Mary.

Sandra.

It is only four o 'clock. What is this? And what do you think you're doing? Oh,

don't mind me, Mary. I just need to make a few cosmetic alterations through your

decor for my little soiree.

Now, Mary, all my get -togethers have a theme.

Yes, I know. Bachelor party.

Honey, how about using those great big muscles of yours and putting those

over there? Yes, Miss Clyde.

Now, if you go upstairs and get the rest.

Yes, Miss Clark.

Stop.

The rest?

Mary, your apartment is signed for a gathering of simple working people, but

this is a business party.

There'll be a lot of people here who could help me in my career, including my

boss, a very important woman in this town. Go, Calvin. Yes, Miss Clark. Stop,

Calvin.

I said you could have a party here, and that's it. Now, you take the place as it

is, and not a second before seven -ish.

Mary.

Did I mention I saw Calloway just a while ago?

So? He ordered your new refrigerator.

Here's the brochure.

Oh, my.

Go, Calvin. Yes, Miss Clark.

It's beautiful.

And so many extras.

Yes, it does everything but go to the supermarket for you. And notice the

family enjoying it. The happy wife.

The happy husband. The happy child.

Ever see a family so happy?

Maybe it's better that way.

I tell you, Rose, I don't think I'm going to make it through the night. Oh,

you will. Just think refrigerator, refrigerator.

I am, but I keep hearing Lester, Lester.

Hey, Betty.

Oh, hi.

Sorry about this morning. I don't want to fight anymore.

What the hell is all this?

Honey, honey, we're getting a new refrigerator.

That's right.

See, here's the brochure.

Avocado green, butter dish.

Oh, honey, look at those cute little ice cubes with the holes in them.

How did we get this refrigerator? And why does our apartment look like a swap

meet?

I was getting to that.

I'll be right back.

Here, Mrs. Jenkins.

Where was

I? I don't know where you were, but I'm standing in our apartment, which doesn't

look like our apartment, and my wife is in front of me holding a bunch of

balloons.

Well, I have to hold them, honey, or they'll float to the ceiling.

Will you tell me what's going on around here?

I was getting to that, Rose.

She was getting to that. Well, get to it.

Rose.

Um, see, honey, um, I sort of made a deal with Sandra.

A very good deal.

I'll be the judge of that, Rose, if you don't mind.

What kind of deal?

Um,

see, Sandra's talking to Calloway to get a new refrigerator for us. So I said

that she could have a party here tonight.

What? She's going to let her have a party here tonight.

What?

There is no need to yell.

There's no need to let Sandra have a party here tonight, and we are not

it. Oh, yes, we are.

This is going to bring peace and harmony to our family. If anybody's going to

bring peace and harmony to our family, I'm going to do it. I told you I'd get

the refrigerator, and I'm dragging Calloway into court.

Lester, can't you see this is so much easier?

Mary, a man's home is his castle. Your castle needs a refrigerator.

Can I say something?

No.

It's all your fault in the first place.

Well, I was only trying to help.

Try to be a friend. Here, you take the balloon.

I'm getting out of here. I'll come back when there's a bridge over these

troubled waters.

You can't have a party here tonight anyway. The Redskins are playing the

Raiders. It's a game of the century.

Oh, can't you wait till the next game of the century, which is probably next

weekend?

Mary, I was looking forward to this. I invited some of the guys over. It's

to be a big TV night.

Honey, trust me.

You can see the game in one of the bedrooms.

And I will personally take care of you and your friends. I'll bring you pizza,

Chinese food, anything you want.

Mary.

Thunder's party isn't going to interfere with us. It's only a few people.

We won't even know they're here.

By the way, did you type up those letters I asked you for? They're on your

I'm sorry, fellas.

Mary, this is ridiculous.

I'm being squeezed out of my own house.

Oh, everything's fine, honey, fine.

How about some more pizza?

Mary, be a dear and bring out some more napkins.

I thought this was supposed to be her party. It's all right, honey.

Enjoy the game.

On this set, it looks more like Ghostbusters than a football game.

Listen, I'm putting all those people out of here. No, no, no, honey. It's all

right.

I'm just doing this for us.

Now, everybody's having a good time.

Does this face look like it's having a good time?

Listen, you're so funny.

I'll be right back with dessert.

Mom, Calvin and I can't get anything done in the bedroom.

What?

You said we could study.

I did.

I did.

Yeah, it's too noisy in there for Algie.

Yeah, can we go downstairs to Calvin?

No.

Tiffany's is too crazy in here.

Yeah.

I never said you could have this many people.

Mary, did I mention your refrigerator is being delivered at 9 a .m. tomorrow

morning? We wouldn't want anything to delay that delivery, would we?

Mary, can I see you for a minute?

Mary, we just lost a picture on the TV. Now all we got is the sound. Do you have

a solution to this little problem?

Oh, Leslie, you know that TV.

Excuse me.

There. Be back in just a moment.

Are you gentlemen ready for your pie?

They didn't come here for pie. They came here for foot...

No, we didn't see anything.

What a party.

What a responsibility.

Mary, you have no idea what it's like to be well -loved and popular.

Some of us don't need frivolous parties. Some of us are secure enough to find

love in quiet evenings with our family.

What do you think you're doing? I need another serving platter.

Just a minute, girl.

You crossing the line.

Nine o 'clock tomorrow morning, Mary.

Provided there are no snafus.

That's my good China.

Self -defrosting.

Which you're more than welcome to use.

Mary, could you... Thank you.

I just couldn't stoop that low.

This is crazy.

Oh, no, Lester, wait.

Don't go.

Maybe you can put up with all this, but I can't. Come on, guys, let's go.

Hors d 'oeuvres?

Pie?

Lester!

Oh, you have so much to choose from.

And you have a mother and father who care for you deeply, and you're breaking

their hearts.

Mary, I thought I'd bring you some of my world -famous hors d 'oeuvres, but I...

See, this doesn't look like a deviled egg crowd.

I hope you're satisfied.

You see what you've done?

Brenda's gone, Lester's gone, and I'm left here with these aliens from outer

space.

I'm sorry, Mary. I never dreamed Sandra would take such advantage.

Sandy, I'm planning on having a party myself in about a month, and I would

to have the name and number of your maid over there.

Did you hear that?

I'm being called a maid in my own house.

Well, you don't want her. She's a little too feisty.

But that other one? A sweetheart perfect for parties.

Sandra

Clark,

I'm nobody's maid.

Oh, of course, my mistake. She's the cook.

Oh, please, dear, no more of those dreadful devil days.

several things. If you think for one moment that I'm going to let you...

gross.

Allow me.

Everybody out.

What? That's right, out.

Lester's gone, my child is gone, and now you're gone.

Mary, what about your refrigerator?

I think you know what you can do with it.

Out, out.

Back to your pages.

Oh, Miss Baker.

I can explain everything, Miss Baker.

And you will, Sandra, first thing tomorrow morning

All right, everybody out!

Where is everybody?

I already threw them out.

You blew the refrigerator?

Yes.

Sort of like this?

Master!

I decided the game wasn't all that important, so I went shopping.

Now, don't go tell me I shouldn't have done it. You're my wife, and I don't

you crawling for favors from anybody.

Oh, honey, it's beautiful.

It looks just like the brochure.

In there, please.

Oh.

Honey, I hate to ask you this, but how much did it cost?

Nothing. I'm going to deduct it from next month's rent. Calloway can sue us.

Can you ever forgive me?

Well, I don't know.

It's going to take some doing on your part.

An awful lot of doing.

Thought you said you didn't want to see me crawl.

Well, I don't want to take all the fun out of our marriage.