Original subtitles

They had no place like home.

If your family around you, you're never alone.

When you know that you love, you don't need to roam. Cause there's no place

home.

Times are changing every day.

We won't get by with old flame away.

No, no.

Women together, we'll make it right.

With help from our friends, I know we can fly.

No place like home.

With your family around you, you're never alone.

When you know that you love, you don't need...

I mean, no place, child.

This is terrible.

Violence, mayhem, drug busts. Have you seen his sports page?

This is it.

I'm tired tonight.

Not too tired, I hope.

Daddy, do we have anybody interesting in our family? What brought that up?

Homework.

Well, your mother used to be interesting.

Don't make no big plans for bedtime, eh?

What's your homework?

I have to write a composition for English class.

My most interesting ancestor.

My grandmother told me about a great uncle who became a mountain man.

Trouble is, I don't remember his name.

That's no help.

Offhand, I can't think of anyone too exciting.

What about you, old woman?

You're asking for it.

There's Jackson Hurley.

Who is Jackson Hurley? My father's uncle.

Worked at the post office for 42 years.

That's it?

Yeah.

See, when I was a little girl, I used to go down to the post office, and he'd

stamp my forehead, special delivery.

And he stamped it too hard.

You're gonna need that electric blanket tonight.

Come on, there are kids in my class who are related to politicians, inventors,

and musicians.

So? You've got a whole lot of decent, hard -working folks in your family.

It's not who you're related to that counts. It's who you are.

Yeah, I guess.

Well, I'll go make up somebody.

No, no, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Now, my Aunt Lucy was a brakeman for the Pennsylvania Railroad.

She could stop a train on a dime and give you nine cents change.

A brakeman?

Well, it beats a forehead stamper.

A lady brakeman? Yeah.

It's different.

A world...

Wait, wait, wait a minute. Who said anything about world famous?

Literary license, Mom.

A lady brakeman.

Don't feel bad, baby. You got all those decent, hard -working folks in your

family, and I got a world famous lady brakeman.

Whoopee! A choo -choo stopper.

That's cold, baby.

Mm -hmm. And that's what you're going to be tonight without me for your blanket.

Oh, Mary, don't be silly.

So what if you're descended from... Yahoo.

Thank you, Pearl.

You're welcome.

It's not important anyway.

I know it. It's not important to me. It's important to Lester.

Well,

I'm related to some famous people, but I don't shoot my mouth off about it.

Like who?

Adam and Eve.

All related to Adam and Eve, Pearl. But I knew him personally.

Anyway, I don't care if I'm not related to nobody famous. Do you, Rose?

Well... Well, I am.

Who?

Well, I've been told I'm 14th cousin to Billy D. Williams.

Well, that's too bad. That means you can never marry him.

Don't tell him he'll be crushed.

No, he won't.

Here comes Sandra.

Ooh, the way she walks.

If one of them hips break loose, somebody gonna get killed.

Oh, afternoon, lady.

If it isn't the Stoop Sisters.

Who we ripping apart today.

Nobody worth mentioning.

Sandra, do you have anybody exciting in your family tree?

Oh, yes.

You're looking at them.

Well, Mary was talking about her room.

Oh? Well, you know, Mary, it is time for a touch -up.

Mary was tracing her family tree.

I was not.

I think it's silly to brag about things like that.

Nothing, huh?

Oh, no!

Not nothing.

Mary's related by marriage to a tycoon in the railroad industry.

Private caboose and everything.

Yes. Oh, well, that's nice, I suppose.

Me, I'm descended from royalty.

Really? No kidding.

I don't usually mention it, seeing as how modest they're chic this year.

But I am a royal blue -blooded descendant of a 16th century Moroccan

What the heck is that?

An emir's a prince, darling. A royal prince.

Stick that in your caboose.

You got the caboose, baby.

Thank you.

We've been storing it for Aunt Winnie ever since she left Uncle Joe.

Well, what's in it? I hope it ain't Uncle Joe.

Aunt Winnie said there's a lot of old family papers in here.

I called all the rest of the Hurley family and nothing. I was beginning to

the Hurley family tree had root rot.

Would you look at all this stuff.

Mary, why are you doing this?

For Brenda.

I mean, she's struggling in English the least I can do with the porter.

This has nothing to do with... Of course not.

Why do people save all this junk?

I don't know.

But I think you better take a look at this.

What's that?

Corporal Mordecai Hurley, 54th Infantry.

1863. Mary, you got an ancestor who fought in the Civil War.

It better have been for the North.

Oh, look at this.

54th Massachusetts Colored Infantry.

The most decorated black regiment in the Civil War.

Girl, we're getting paid dirt.

Oh, Sandra, eat your heart out.

Wait a minute. I thought this was for Brenda. That, too.

Hi, Mom. Hi, Aunt Rose.

Brenda, guess what? You're descended from a Civil War hero.

I wanted to tell her.

I'm sorry, Mary. I'm sorry.

Wow, that's great. How'd you find out? Well, Aunt Winnie's trunk.

We were rummaging around, and we found this old photo of Corporal Mordecai

Hurley. We've got an honest -to -goodness Civil War hero in the family.

you think about that?

It's neat.

It's neat.

Honey, this is the stuff great essays are made of. But, Mom, I already

my breakman essay.

I don't want to start all over.

But, Brenda, I went through a lot of trouble for this.

We're related to a legitimate figure in American history. Do you know what that

means? Yeah.

It means I got to start all over.

two of the kids these days.

Honey, this is an important project you're doing. Mom, I'd love to change

but I got a lot of other homework to do.

Uh, Brenda.

Brenda.

You don't understand.

You'll be the hit of the class.

Well, if I outlined it, would you type it? You asking me to do your homework

you? I know. That wouldn't be right.

I guess I'll just stick with Aunt Lucy to break me.

I'll get the typewriter.

Well... Now, honey, I am not trying to tell you what to write.

But Mordecai Hurley is it.

It's different, it's exciting, and I got a great title for you.

Hurley's Hero.

Sounds good.

But let me think about it, okay, Mom?

Thought you weren't going to do her homework for her. I'm not doing it. I'm

guiding it.

How should I break the news to Sandra?

Well, why don't you hire a skywriter?

Yeah!

Mary, that's not a very Christian attitude.

Yeah, you're right.

I can't wait to stick it to her.

She'll be here. She's got to go to work. She won't miss her 815 bus.

She won't miss it. That bus driver always waits for her.

Morning,

ladies. Sandra, speaking of ancestors, do you remember yesterday when you told

me about that wonderful emir that you had in your family?

What did you say his name was?

Well, I don't know his name. They called him, uh, your highness.

Yeah. Well, anyway, I have something that I think might interest you and your

hiney.

Yesterday, when I... Mary's related to a Civil War hero, Corporal Mordecai

Hurley from the most decorated black regiment in the war.

Did it again.

That's really something, Mary.

Thank you. You look a little tired, Mary. Did you stay up all night picking

one up?

Oh, I didn't have to.

I have it documented, postmarked, and photographed.

Sort of beat the pants off your emil.

Oh, Sandra, your bus is at the corner.

He'll wait.

Hey!

That's that woman driver.

Just not your day, is it?

Wonderful.

Marvelous.

Well,

here's old Mordecai. Wiped out my brakeman, but he sure made my wife

Honey, you should have seen Sandra's face.

Even her makeup was cracking within.

Was that our daughter?

Is she ill?

I'll get it!

Hi, Miss Clark.

My, Miss Clark!

I wonder what she wants.

Sandra? Evening, Mary.

I just came by to thank you. Oh?

Mary, you made me stop and think this morning.

I had no right to brag about something for which I had no proof.

So I went to the library.

You went to the library?

Well, I grant you, Mary, that most of us are just too busy living life to waste

time reading about it.

On the other hand, you did cast aspersions about my Moroccan ancestor,

looked him up.

Actually, I didn't look him up.

This handsome, young librarian helped me.

He seemed to enjoy squeezing through the stacks with me.

And... And... None of your business.

But the truth is, Mary, about that... About that Emir,

I couldn't find a thing about him.

Well, it was big of you to admit it. Yes, I know.

However, as long as I...

I made some copies while I was there.

What's that?

A diary kept by Cyrus Johnson, a soldier who fought alongside Mordecai. Go

ahead. Read it.

August 7th,

What's that for?

For when you need to sit down.

The rebels hit us hard yesterday. I was caught in a trench with my buddies

Clement, Bartholomew, and Stephen.

Keep going, keep going. We just couldn't get over what that skunk Mordecai

Hurley did to us. A little louder.

Who would have thought good old Mordecai would turn out to be such a... coward?

night when the fighting got as fierce as he deserted our unit bring it on home

we would have shot him for doing it but the sneak escape disguised in a

woman's dress how sweet it is now

mary i would say that my emir beat the pants off your hero but evidently he

wasn't wearing it

believe this.

Mordecai Hurley a coward.

A coward in a dress.

And knowing his descendants probably a tacky one.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. Where would a man find a dress in the middle of a battlefield?

Just read on.

In a woman's dress made out of our regiment's union flag.

There's got to be an explanation.

Right. He was auditioning for a USO production of La Cage aux Folles.

Mom, guess what?

Calvin's going to interview me for the school paper about Mordecai Hurley.

Have you heard about Mordecai, Miss Clark?

In depth.

I'm doing a composition about him for English class.

My most interesting ancestor.

I haven't even turned it in yet, and I'm a celebrity.

Brenda, there's something you should... Hear directly from me.

I think it's wonderful about Mordecai.

You should be very proud, Brenda.

Thanks, Miss Clyde. I've got to go finish my composition.

Mary, you didn't tell me this was for Brenda's ghoul project. I don't want to

hurt her.

Well, I'd rather she hear it from me than from somebody else.

Well, why?

I won't tell if you won't tell.

Oh, Mary, come on now. I am completely satisfied that you were embarrassed,

mortified, and humiliated.

It'll be our little secret.

If you don't mind, I can handle my own daughter's problem.

Hey, okay. But from now on, you'll know I know, and I'll know you know I know.

You know?

I can't wait to see your face whenever the flag goes by.

That mess you made in there is burning.

Ha -ha.

You better sit down and read this.

What is this?

It's not funny.

Yes, it is.

Ran away in a dress made from the flag some hero.

understand, Lester. We've got a problem.

I ain't got no problem. I got a nice, honest lady break with me.

Oh, you make me sick.

I'm talking about Brenda.

Not only is she doing a composition on Mordecai, she's been bragging about him

all over school.

Uh -oh. Have you told her?

Not yet.

Well, Brenda's strong. She can handle it. Fortunately, she has some Jenkins

blood in her.

I want to talk to you about something.

And you know what? This will be a perfect night to go to the movies. I'll

our coats. Oh, no.

The last time we went to the movies on a school night, you ended up telling me

Fluffy went to Cat Heaven.

Brenda.

Now what?

It's Calvin. He's going to interview me.

This is Calvin Dobbs, your roving reporter.

Live at the Jenkins residence.

Good evening, Mr. Jenkins.

Or... Or are you going to change your name back to Hurley now?

Calvin, what do you want?

Mom, I told you he's going to interview me for the paper.

Hey, not just you, Brian.

I'm going to do a feature on the whole family.

From break to bravery.

Excuse me, Mr. Jenkins.

Tell me, how does it feel to be somebody all of a sudden?

Goodbye, Calvin.

But I'm not done yet.

Yes, you are, Calvin.

Uh, Calvin, if you don't mind, we want to talk to Brenda about something. But,

Mrs. Jenkins, this is my first big story. I could be the next Brian Gump.

when you hit the steps, don't stumble.

How's he gonna like this if you keep throwing him out?

This may come as a surprise to you, but there are some things in life more

important than Calvin.

This is about Mordecai Hurley. You better sit down, honey.

Uh -oh.

Now let's see, how should I put this?

Mordecai deserted his buddies in the middle of a battle.

Worse, he was disguised in a dress made from our country's flag.

So what are you going to do now?

Change schools.

Hey, it's only a composition.

But I bragged about it to everybody.

They'll all be laughing at me.

Mom, can't I just turn it in the way it is?

Nobody will know the truth if I don't say anything.

Well, you'll know.

Honey, it's morally wrong.

I can live with that.

The truth always has a way of coming out, baby.

See, Mom, I could have just turned in my report about Dad's on Lucy.

But you had to go digging around for something better.

Brenda. I don't see why I can't be allowed to do my own homework.

Wait a minute. Where are you going?

The stoop. I need some air.

Did you hear how she talked to me?

Yeah, and she was right.

What? We're talking about pride.

Yeah, you're right.

She's probably afraid her classmates will laugh at her.

I'm not talking about her pride. I'm talking about your pride.

Well, think about it.

First, you wanted to find a relative more important than mine.

That was pride.

Then you wanted to find one more important than Sandra's. That was pride.

Now you're scared that Calvin's going to find out the truth, so you throw him

out the door. All pride.

Not that I'm against throwing Calvin out the door.

Well, I was just trying to help her.

Come on.

They don't judge a composition on who your relatives are.

They judge it on how you write it.

I hate it when you're right.

Hi.

You mind some company?

Okay. You want to talk?

No.

Let me put it like this.

We gonna talk.

Why?

Because I want to apologize.

I'll cherish that when I'm in a convent in Bolivia.

Oh, Brynn.

I'm sorry, Mommy. I just can't go back to school.

I feel like a fool.

Well, join the club.

I should have kept my big mouth shut.

Okay, I went overboard this time.

At least I know why old Mordecai was never mentioned in the family.

You know you gotta go back to school, don't you?

Yeah, I know.

Well, we'll go through it together.

You're going to school with me? Oh, no.

I've been laughed at before.

I'm just glad they don't use dunce caps anymore.

You know, this would all be pretty funny if he was somebody else's relative.

It's still funny.

Well? Well, think about it. The family's big hero running off in a skirt.

Hey, wait a minute.

Your assignment was to write about your most interesting ancestor.

Mordecai sure fits with that.

Well, then that's it.

Write about that. Write the truth.

The truth?

Sure. If you don't want folks laughing at your child, you gotta make them laugh

with you.

Yeah.

Maybe Calvin says... to put it in the paper.

I don't know if I want the whole world to know it.

Hey, where y 'all been?

To the grocery store.

When you go at night, you go together, honey.

Any more news on the big hero, Mortify Hurley?

That's Mordecai.

Mary knows what I'm talking about.

What she's talking about is the 54th Massachusetts Regiment was a great

but old Mordecai.

Was a drag.

Really?

In more ways than one.

What?

I'll say it was. Let me tell you. I'll tell you. Oh, honey, I can tell.

Yeah, honey, when they last saw Mordecai, he was switching off to the

dress. No.

Yeah, red, white, and blue chai.

Oh, yeah.

With a yellow streak.

No.

Is that what you wanted to say, dear?