All language subtitles for Tom Green Country S01E01.en-ca.dialog.sdh

[Tom]
Hello, folks. My name is Tom Green.

In case you're wondering who I am
and how I got here,

it goes a little something like this.

I've just made a big change in my life.

After spending 20 years in Los Angeles
working as a comedian, actor, and TV host,

I finally decided it was time to go home.

So I sold my house in the Hollywood Hills
and I bought this 100-acre farm

way out in the wilderness of Canada,
but not all that far from where I grew up,

and close to my family.

Welcome to my little slice of heaven.

Welcome to my home.

Welcome to Tom Green Country.

One, two, three, four.

[upbeat country music playing]

Whoo!

Yeah!

That's right.

♪ Heading home to the country ♪

♪ To a place I've always been ♪

♪ Goodbye, California
And all the things I've seen ♪

♪ Goin' back to Canada
To live my American dream ♪

♪ On a hundred acres
Where the grass is always green ♪

[mellow music playing]

[Mary Jane]
Don't hit the truck.

[Tom] Okay.

There we are.

Look. The bugs.

-Oh, yeah. They just come out?
-What?

Blackflies? You didn't tell us about that.

-[Mary Jane] You have Off?
-I have Off, probably. Yeah.

-What kind of Off?
-That's good. We'll have some.

Tell 'em to eff off.
Oh, okay.

-[Mary Jane laughing] Dick.
-He's funny, huh?

-Oh, yeah.
-He's funny. What is it?

It's a bunch of flowers
to hang on your door.

-You make this?
-Yeah. I did. I made it.

I didn't put any pink girly flowers in.

Why not?

I didn't think you'd want
pink girly flowers.

-What are you saying?
-You're a guy.

-These guy flowers?
-[laughs] They're guy flowers.

-Well, go hang it.
-Thanks. Thanks, Mom.

-Oh, you're welcome.
-Thank you, Mom.

-Thank you, Mommy.
-Oh, you're welcome, Tommy.

-Thanks, Dad.
-Oh, no problem, Tom.

-[Mary Jane] Oh, I love that door.
-[Richard] New door.

[Tom] It's an old door.
Yeah, we just put it in.

Well, put the hook over first,
and then I think it will be easier.

[Tom] Really?

-I'm just-- Well...
-Well, your mother was a hooker.

[laughs] Oh, God!

[all laugh]

And it begins.

[both laugh]

So now I have to see.

-Oh, it looks cute.
-[Richard] Very pretty.

Thank you.

Not you, the flowers.

[both laugh]

[mellow acoustic music playing]

[Tom] All right, so it's a mess in here.
But, uh, okay.

Here we go.

Voilà.

Hey, this is the barn.

I guess we got to pull
all this stuff out of here.

-So, what are we doing?
-[Ryan] Cleaning it out.

-[Tom] Yeah.
-[Ryan laughs]

We'll try to use a lot of your scrap wood
for the walls.

[Kevin] We're gonna basically fur
the walls so they're nice and flat.

[Tom] Because, like, you're basically
gonna even it out.

-Shims.
-[Tom] Shims.

-I don't know what shims are.
-We'll teach you.

Is that like leggings?

-No, those are stockings.
-[Tom] Stockings?

When was this barn built anyways?
A hundred years ago?

[Ryan] Probably early 1900s.

Think there's been animals in here before?

Absolutely.

-Yeah?
-Definitely.

-Like what? Horses in here?
-Yeah.

The other barn,
the old cow byre's still there.

-Cow byre? Is like a person in there?
-Coy byre. It's where the cows went in.

-The thing where their heads go in?
-Where the head goes in, yeah.

Okay. Okay.

How do we get rid of pigeons?
That's a lot of pigeon shit.

Gotta stop them from coming in.
Plug those holes up there.

[Kevin] One by one, plug them up.

-[Tom] That the only way to do it?
-[Ryan] Yeah.

And those are bullet holes, right?

[Ryan] Some of them I think probably are.

The previous owner was in here,
just, like, had a war with the pigeons.

Because that's gonna be me
in here with a .22.

Die!

[imitates gunshots]

-[Ryan] So we should get to work.
-[Tom] We got stuff to do. Let's do it.

-That's a lot heavier than I thought.
-Grab a corner of it.

And there's spikes in it too.

Oh, my God!

I'm exhausted.

Already.

It feels nice, like, keeping these barns
cleaned up, and...

I mean, to me, right?
That's a nice thing we're doing?

-I'm a good person, right? Yeah.
-You're a decent guy.

-Because there's history here, you know?
-And giving animals a home.

I'm a nice guy.

Not bad.

[all laugh]

-I actually do feel like I'm gonna faint.
-Are you having any chest pain right now?

-It's good Ryan's a paramedic. No.
-Any shortness of breath?

-Okay, You'll be fine.
-But dizziness, though.

-[Ryan] You have breakfast this morning?
-I had a bran muffin.

-[Ryan] Bran muffin?
-And two yogurts because it's probiotic.

Keep my stomach kind of digestion good.

[Ryan] Doesn't sound much
like a farmer's breakfast.

Farmers don't do probio-- Ahem! No?

[laughs]

-[Tom] Do farmers not even eat yogurt?
-Oh, I think farmers can eat yogurt.

Because this could be, like, a thing
I picked up in L.A. or something.

-Next thing, you'll be drinking kombucha.
-Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm saying.

I don't know too many farmers
that drink kombucha.

Really?

It's good, though. I've tried it.

-It's good.
-Yeah.

-So I do have some in the fridge. Yeah.
-Do you?

-[laughs]
-So...

[mellow acoustic music playing]

[buzzing]

-We're gonna work in the garden today?
-It's our first day. Have a look.

See how things are going.
Do you have any asparagus coming up?

-I think I might've killed the asparagus.
-Well, let's go look.

[Richard] Oh. Looks like some work.

Yeah, see? There's no asparagus.

[Richard] I think we can
cut that down a little.

Well, probably hasn't had
a chance to sprout.

It's just hasn't come up yet, Tom.
It'll come up there.

It really needs to be weeded.
But yeah, it'll come up.

I planted garlic there.
See? It's already coming up.

Planted that before the winter?

In the fall, I planted it. Yeah.

That's the same as
before the winter, right?

Uh, pretty much. Yeah.

[laughs]

Oh, there's an asparagus right there.
See right there?

-[Mary Jane] Where? Yeah.
-[Tom] Charlie, look at that, Charlie.

-[Richard] It's gonna be good.
-What kind of veggies do you want?

I want potatoes,
because we're gonna have chickens.

-Yeah.
-[Richard] Oh, yeah.

And then I can make hash browns
with the eggs.

-Okay. Gotcha.
-[Tom] Right?

Fried potatoes in butter with pepper and--

-How's your cholesterol?
-[Tom] It's fine.

I got a few more years
of butter-slathered potatoes for breakfast

-and I want to enjoy them.
-Okay.

You wanna go settle in for a minute,
maybe throw on some boots and stuff?

-Yeah, okay. I want to see the barn.
-They're working on it right now.

-I want to surprise you a little later.
-[both] All right.

[Richard] What a good gardener.
Come on.

[mellow acoustic music playing]

[Tom] Sometimes it's a little
overwhelming, you know?

I can't even believe
that I'm getting a mule and a donkey.

I sort of thought that would be
a fun thing to do, right?

And then I thought,
"No, I'm not gonna to do that." Right?

And then I did it. Like, I did it.
So it's showing up in like two weeks.

You got time.

That's like the kind of thing
you can't get rid of it. You know?

You can't be like, "Oops."

It's like having a child, basically.

-Once you do it, like...
-[Kevin] That's a good point, though.

This doesn't go away.
Children kinda grow up and move on.

Except for it might get out
in the middle-- 3:00 in the morning.

And get out at three in the morning.
It's like a teenager.

People waking up your neighbors
to go get the donkey.

Yeah. You figure it'll get out?

Almost guarantee it.

Wow, really?
You can guarantee it's gonna get out?

-What happens when it gets out?
-You go get it.

How do I get it?
I don't know how to get it.

First thing it does is craps on the road.

-Just follow the crap?
-Yep.

I'm putting, like, an electric
around the top of the fence.

-So hopefully...
-The power doesn't go out.

All things to consider.
Just maintain your fences.

Feed them lots. Keep them happy.

I paid for them already.

Oh.

[uplifting country music playing]

Looks awesome.

-Thanks, Steve.
-Yeah, no problem.

-Thanks, Rob. Wow, it's incredible.
-No problem.

I was kind of thinking right here
with the coop on this side.

Is that called the coop on that side?

The coop's on the side
and then the run will be on this side.

-Oh, the run. The run on this side.
-[Rob] You want to see the run, right?

The run on this side.

-So, yeah, why don't we set it here?
-Perfect.

And then after we set it down,
maybe you can tell me a little bit more

about how to look after chickens
and stuff.

There's not a lot of bugs around here,
is there?

-Not many, no.
-Not many bugs at all.

-[insects buzzing]
-[laughs]

-It's just this week, though.
-Just this week.

-They'll be gone next week.
-Yeah.

These are actually all CGI.
They're not even really bugs.

You put these in.

I'm not, like, second-guessing
moving to the country at all.

-No?
-I love it here, man. Fucking love it.

[mellow acoustic music playing]

[Josh] Sarnia, Sarnia, Sarnia.
How are you guys doing tonight?

-Let me hear it.
-[audience cheers]

[Josh] That's what I'm talking about.
Friday night Imperial. Great to be here.

Like they mentioned,
my name is Josh Elijah.

And it is an absolute honor and pleasure
to be able to share the stage

with a Canadian comedy legend.

Films and TV, Saturday Night Live.
You name it, he's done it.

Without further ado, give it up for
the one, the only, Tom Green, everybody.

Tom Green coming to the stage.

[cheers and applause]

This is what I look like now.

[laughter]

Got a farm.

-[audience] Whoo!
-Yeah.

I'm basically a farmer now.

I'm farming radishes.

I went down to one of those stores that
sells the soil, the nutrient-rich soil.

I said, "Do have some of that
nutrient-rich soil?" They said, "Why?"

I said, "I'm farming radishes."
They said, "You're farming weed."

I said, "Yeah, I'm farming weed."

[laughter]

Thank you, guys. Love you. Thank you.

There you go. Thank you so much.

Thank you. There you go.

Best board ever.

[mellow acoustic guitar music]

Who is it, Charlie?

Who is it?

Who's that?

-Who is that?
-[Nathaniel] Hey.

-Who is that? Who is that?
-Hey. Hey, doggie.

-What's up, Nathaniel?
-How you doing, Charlie?

-Hey, nice to see you.
-How you doing, man? Thanks for coming.

-Thanks for having me.
-Cheers, mate.

[laughs] Cheers.
Look at this happy doggie.

-Australian. Australian guy.
-Yeah.

-Australian in Canada.
-Yeah.

-Restoring and, uh...
-Salvaging.

-...salvaging...
-Yeah.

-...historic Canadian homes.
-That's right. Yeah.

-Yeah, it's pretty fun.
-I had a great time out at your shop.

-I got the door.
-It was great to have you.

Yeah, it was a cool door.

-We installed it.
-You've done the work, eh?

-You want to see it?
-I'd love to see it.

-[Tom] So what do you think?
-[Nathaniel] Oh, man, you nailed it.

That's beautiful.

Yeah, it's cool. I wasn't sure
if it was too big for the house.

Totally transforms the front.
Looks way better.

All the vents for the heating
and air conditioning vents are modern.

Yes.

But I remember when I was at your shop,
you had some nice iron ones.

Yeah, they're beautiful.

-Wow, those look nice.
-So, what do you think?

You can see those ones there,
they're the reproductions.

That's great. Yeah.
And so that'll fit in the standard--

-Yeah, four-by-ten vents. Yeah.
-You have a bunch of these?

-Lots, yeah. Yeah.
-You brought them with you? Oh, nice.

'Cause that's gonna
really change the vibe.

Yeah, no kidding.

-That's more of a cold air return size.
-I love Australians, by the way.

Australians, man.
I've toured Australia a bunch of times.

-Oh, cool.
-Melbourne.

Melbourne, yeah. You said it right.
You didn't say "Melborn."

-I didn't say "Melborn."
-So I can tell you you've been there.

When you walk on stage in Melbourne
and you say, "What's up, Melborn?"

-the whole audience goes, "What the fuck?"
-They're laughing at you then.

-"Who's this fucking guy?" Yeah.
-Yeah.

-Brisbane.
-Brisbane. That's where I'm from.

-Sydney. You're from Brisbane?
-Yeah, yeah.

Have you been
to the Lone Pine Koala Sanctuary?

-[laughs] No. No, I should have, I guess.
-You haven't?

-You know what I'm talking about?
-No, not really.

-Been three times.
-To the Lone Pine Koala Sanctuary?

The zookeeper comes up to you every time,
he hands you a koala.

You're holding the koala and he says,
"You know, mate,

the koala's the number one
carrier of chlamydia."

[laughs]

-"Cool. Thanks for handing me that."
-"Thank you. Thank you very much."

[Nathaniel] There's your before
and there's your after.

Oh, nice. Wow.
That's gonna be so nice.

It changes the look, eh?

[Tom]
It makes me feel good just seeing that.

[Nathaniel] Yeah.

-How do you stick this?
-So, yeah.

So you can see there's an eighth
of an inch, maybe not quite a quarter.

-Yeah.
-Basically just let that in.

-[Tom] Uh-huh.
-[Nathaniel] And it'll look good.

-[Tom] Yeah, so...
-[Nathaniel] Yeah, it's nice.

-Awesome.
-What's going on over here?

-What's this thing?
-This is my pimp stick.

-Oh, yeah?
-Yeah.

Lil Jon gave me this.
You know the rapper Lil Jon?

-No, I don't know.
-♪ Apple Bottom jeans ♪

[muttering]

-Lil Jon.
-Lil Jon, yeah.

-That's a Lil Jon song?
-I don't know if I can sing it on camera.

Because of copyright.

-Obviously you're good friends.
-We're a low-budget show.

-We can't afford to pay the copyright.
-Right.

[Tom] He gave me this when he was a guest
on my show on MTV like 20 years ago.

-It's got my name on it.
-Very cool.

-You have a pimp stick?
-I don't actually own one. No.

-You don't own a pimp stick? No?
-Not yet.

-You know, everybody should have one.
-Yeah.

[upbeat country music playing]

[Tom] No squirrels. Not right now.
There's someone coming.

-You're Lauren? Hi, Lauren. How are you?
-Hi, I'm Lauren. Nice to meet you.

-This is Charlie.
-Hi, Charlie.

Look, Charlie hears the chickens.

-Hunter senses
-You hear the chickens?

Oh, yeah, she's a hunter for sure.
Do dogs attack and eat chickens?

My dog may have killed
my brother's chicken.

-Ah. Yeah.
-So it is a possibility.

But I think it depends on the dog too.
And you can train them.

I'm still working on sit.

Okay, so you might be a little bit a way
before they'll not kill a chicken. Yes.

So yeah, I guess if it's easier, we can
back right up to the chicken coop here.

-You like the chicken coop?
-Yeah, it's really nice.

-[Tom] I just got it. Yeah, it's my first.
-[Lauren] Fancy.

-Is it fancy? Really?
-I think so. Yeah.

-It that bad?
-No.

I don't want to be the guy
with the fancy chicken coop.

No, you want them
to have a good experience.

Yeah, that's what I was thinking.

-What kind of chickens are they?
-These are Red Sex Links.

They lay more eggs for the amount of feed
that you have to feed them.

Let's take them out.
This is exciting.

Look. Oh, look at them.
They're beautiful.

It's a good way for Charlie
to get to know them too.

Isn't it fun?

Yeah, it's fun, right?

Can I pick up six chickens?
They're pretty heavy. Okay.

There we go.
Now you guys stay there.

-Show me how this works here.
-Those are your nesting boxes there.

Put some bedding on the ground,
some shavings,

and the feeder, and you're good to go.

Stick this inside here?

Change it, what, once a week?

-Yeah, maybe that.
-Sounds like a lot of work.

Yeah, a little bit of work.
That's what farming is, though, right?

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

You can't pay somebody to do that for you?

I want to do it myself. I do.

Do they actually go
to the bathroom in here?

They will.
And they will go everywhere.

They will in here?
Why wouldn't they just do it outside?

-That's what I would do.
-Use the straw for the nesting boxes.

Just add a nice layer in it
and make it nice and cozy for them.

[Tom] I would sleep in that.

-Let's put the feeder in the coop. Okay.
-Okay.

This is the stuff here.
Ooh, I'll carry this, I guess.

Oh! Oh, my god.

Who's the new guy?

That's dried chubby mealworms.

One hundred percent natural.

This is an exciting day for me 'cause I've
been thinking about this for a long time.

Why did you want chickens?

The whole idea of moving back to Canada

was a really exciting thing
I've wanted to do for a long time.

And then I thought, well,
I need some animals here,

kinda bring some life to this place.

Here we are.
We're following through on an idea.

Since COVID, there have been
so many new chicken people,

that there's a lot of good sources
out there to help.

It's kinda what I love about here.
I have great neighbors.

It really is a good feeling
being out here.

Everyone's helping each other out.

Well, chickens are hard
to screw up, honestly,

as long as they don't get killed
by some other animal.

How long does one have to own chickens
until they become just a chicken person?

-A year. Yeah.
-A year? Nice.

So I'm a new chicken person.

In a year, I'll be a chicken person.

In a few years,
I'll be a seasoned chicken.

-An old chicken.
-An old chicken veteran.

A chicken veteran.
That's what I want.

[mellow acoustic music playing]

[Tom] It's kind of neat, though,

we've been driving around
through all these towns

that we used to drive through

when we would go to the cottage
when I was a kid.

I was four years old when we
first went to some of these places.

-Reminds me of...
-Your childhood.

Yeah. Feels like home.

Yeah. Oh, that's good, Tom.

-[Tom] It's quite the place, though, huh?
-[Mary Jane] It sure is.

-I've never seen so much stuff.
-What do you think?

I think you should get a chamber pot.

-A chamber pot?
-Yeah.

If, in the middle of the night,
somebody has to go potty

in the bunkie and they don't want
to go out to the outhouse,

they just can go pee in the pot.

Who would ever do that?

A woman who didn't want
to go out at night.

You think I hang out with women
that would want to pee in that thing?

Oh, I think that it's so cute.
I wonder if is this the lid?

Would you pee in that pot?

Well, I don't have to tell everybody
everything I do in my private life.

You sort of did, though.

Is that a crack there, or just a mark?

It's just some pee. Some dried, dried pee.

And we're going to Lyndhurst next,
to Wing's Bait Shop.

[Mary Jane] To that nice stone bridge.

[Tom]
Yeah, the oldest stone bridge in Ontario.

-[Mary Jane] Oh, really?
-[Tom] Yeah.

-Remember when we canoed from the lake?
-Yeah.

-Yeah, it was a long paddle.
-Yeah.

With two little kids
who didn't do a lot of paddling.

[Tom] For me, this is where my memories
formed of just being a human being.

That's a weird thing
because then you leave for a long time.

-And you forget about it.
-And then you come back.

All these memories flood back.

-[bell dings]
-Hello.

-[barking]
-[Tom] My dog.

Oh, they're having fun.

-Appreciate it.
-[dog howls]

I would get those.

-[Tom] Those ones?
-[Richard] Yeah.

[Tom] I remember catching some big bass
on Lower Beverly Lake.

-Remember that?
-Yes, I do.

We went out in the canoe about midnight,
it was pitch-black.

Tom was in the canoe,
he was about six or seven years old.

First cast, five-pound bass.

Very exciting.
We put it in the boat, canoed back.

"Look what we caught.
Let's go try it again."

Next cast, another five-pound bass.

[folksy acoustic guitar music]

[Richard] Oh, look at that.

Hello.

[loons calling]

-How's it going? How's it going?
-Wonderful, my man.

-Great to see you.
-What's up, Steve? How you doing?

-Good, man.
-Peter.

-Charlie.
-Holy cow. Look at this, huh?

So we're pulling these old...
what are we doing here, Peter?

Okay, we're pulling the rails out of here.
And we want a good rail.

This is a good rail.

The old rails are in there,
they're rotten,

and they're no good to even
to take out of the woods, so...

And then we'll take these up to the farm

and put them around
and build a real fence.

It'll keep the mule in.

Fanny's pretty big.

-Sixteen-three hands.
-He's big. That's big.

-That's big.
-Yeah.

Kinda cool to pull all these old, because
they were all fallen down anyways, right?

-Well, when was the farm settled?
-1857.

So that's probably when they split them
down and built this fence.

-And so it's not rotted or anything?
-No, it's all heartwood.

The sapwood has already rotten off it.

What we're tearing out
is what they call a snake fence.

And that was probably
one of the original fences

because it didn't require any wire.

-Yeah, yeah.
-So it was a cheap fence to build.

-Let's get this cheap fence out of here.
-Yeah, no good. Yeah, no.

-Cheap fence, anyways.
-Yeah, it's only stood 150 years.

-You want to see one that's rotten?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-[Steve] That is a great example.
-[Peter] Yeah.

-Right. Not using that one today.
-[Peter] No, that won't keep your mule in.

How many of these are we pulling out then?

We need a total of 480.

Wow. How many do you figure
are here on the property?

-[Peter] We've torn out what?
-Forty of them so far.

Yeah, so 440 to go.

[Steve] Like 10% of it.

[Peter] Pretty cool.
Like, pretty cool-looking rails.

What the fuck is going on?

I've walked in the woods before, you know?

-One second here. I'm just gonna...
-[Peter] No problem.

I don't want my gloves
to look too clean on the show.

There's a good one.

-That looks nice.
-Yeah, this is a great rail.

Okay.

All right. Okay, so...

Gloves dirty?

They're getting a little dirt on them now.
So it's cool. I feel good about it.

-Where did you get them?
-Amazon.

-Amazon.
-Yeah.

Teed that up for me nicely there.

Show's on Amazon,
so want to get a plug in there for sure.

[Mary Jane]
You're gonna just watch us?

-I like doing it this way better.
-[Tom] Than what?

-Than me doing it.
-Oh, yeah.

This seems like a lot of work
for some vegetables.

I don't like actually doing the work,
but I like eating...

-[Richard laughs]
-I noticed that.

...the fresh vegetables.

It makes me feel good
to know that you guys

can come here and do the gardening...

-And be out of your hair.
-...and visit.

We get to visit and stuff.

It's lovely having you home, Tom.

-[Tom] Is it, really?
-Yeah, it is.

-Sincerely, right?
-Sincerely.

'Cause people, a lot of times,
people come up to me in the street

and they'll say,
"Oh, your parents still talk to you?"

Because of the old pranks and stuff
we used to do.

-Well, how many years ago was that?
-[Tom] Yeah, like 20 years ago.

-We think you've matured.
-Yeah.

-I have a little bit.
-Have you?

[both laugh]

But you guys have a lot of energy
for your age.

-I'm not saying you're old or anything...
-Well, I think you just did, actually.

[Tom]
I've never seen inside the loft before.

Have you ever been inside the loft?

-[Ryan] No.
-[Tom] No?

It feels kind of like when Geraldo opened
up Al Capone's vault and nothing happened.

[laughs]

You got her, man.

Let's open it up. You ready?
Okay, here we go.

What is up here?

Okay. I'm not even looking yet.

-[barks]
-Wow.

Wow.

-[dog barking]
-It's okay, Charlie.

[whines]

Have a look. Look at that. It's not as far
down as I thought for some reason.

-[Ryan] There's a lot of hay in there.
-[Kevin] How will we get that out?

-[Ryan] With a pitchfork.
-We just have to make sure

that it's strong enough to walk on, right?

-[Ryan] You go first.
-I will, just...

[whines]

-Hey, don't step in those big holes.
-[Tom] No.

[Ryan] Jump up and down.

-[creaking and thudding]
-No.

Okay.

What we're gonna do basically now,
we're gonna run strapping.

-Yeah. Yeah.
-So then we can run the boards, right?

The boards are gonna--
strapping's gonna go horizontal,

-boards are gonna go vertical on this.
-Yeah, okay.

-Throw some tools on then.
-It's a nice nail gun, by the way.

Is this a pneumatic?

I don't know. I heard that word
somewhere once.

[Ryan] They still call them pneumatic?
It's not air.

What is this?

-It's got compressed air.
-Compressed air?

-Yeah, it comes with--
-Nice, man.

Probably pretty dangerous, though, right?

-I shot myself right there with one.
-So the point is, this is dangerous.

What I'm doing is dangerous right now.

So that's exciting.
That's good, exciting television.

People do dangerous stuff on television
all the time, right?

See people jumping
out of planes and stuff.

But this is also
kind of one of those things.

I'd feel better if you were holding
this piece of wood.

-[Tom] Ready? Okay.
-[Ryan] Go.

See? It's danger, there's excitement.

There's activity, there's action.

Uh, this show's gonna have it all, man.

[mellow country music playing]

You might have to lift each one out. Yeah.

-[Tom] With my hands.
-Yeah.

-Can I get the bird flu?
-No.

-Well, no.
-That sounds like maybe.

Oh, hello. Hi, my new friends.

Oh, there we go.

Wow, this is really happening now.

Hi, guys. Oh! Wow, jeez.

-Are they supposed to do that? Okay.
-Yeah, they're supposed to do that.

-Oh.
-[clucking]

Oh! Whoa! Okay.

Whoa, whoa. Okay.

-Here you go. Jump up.
-[dog barking]

This was more than I could have
ever dreamed of.

They're all friendly.

We've got some dried
chubby mealworms for them.

-[laughs]
-Not bad.

Oh, boy. Not a good idea.

They don't even want to eat them.

[Lauren] Might just have to throw
a little bit on the ground.

[Tom] Now we're home.

-[laughs] No.
-You want one? You sure?

-Yeah, I'm good. I'm good.
-Just one.

Should we put them in the coop and let
them see what it's like in the coop?

Yeah, I'd probably show it to them
just so they know there's food in there.

Okay, I'll try to put one in.
Go in there. Look.

Look at that.

There you go.

I'm gonna stick my head in here
just so they feel comfortable.

Out of the way.

Hi.

Hi, guys. How are you?

Hi.

You guys are like Canadian Gothic.

-Yeah, looks like it.
-Yeah.

-What's going on?
-[Mary Jane] Well,

we're thinking about trying
to clean this garden out.

-But probably you could give us a hand.
-Yeah?

So you need to clean
all this crud out of there.

Okay. All right.
So you're asking me to do it?

[Mary Jane] I think you should.
It's your garden.

I thought you guys wanted to do it.

Yeah, but then we saw how many there were,
we decided it ain't happening.

-I'll help. I'll help.
-[Mary Jane] This is a plant.

I think it's a little flowering shrub.
I don't know.

[Tom] What's the difference
between a shrub and a bush?

How the hell do I know?

-[all laugh]
-They're the same thing.

-It's windy today.
-[Mary Jane] Is it ever.

-Unless the wind blows us over.
-Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Maybe that's a chinook.

-A chinook?
-Well, they don't have them this far east.

-I think they're in Alberta, aren't they?
-A warm wind from the north?

Warm wind from the Pacific.

Hmm. I challenge that.

-Yeah, okay.
-We don't have chinooks here in Ontario?

-No. No.
-Really? Really?

-I think we have chinooks in Toronto.
-Really?

I've never heard of a chinook in Toronto.

If I had my phone on me,
I'd Google that right now.

Google it with my phone.

Oh.

-What's the definition of a chinook?
-I don't know how to use his phone.

-Oh.
-[Tom] Okay.

And I don't know how to use it either.

[all laugh]

Wait a minute. I'll try.

[Tom] Okay.

Jeez.

Hmm.

-What's it say?
-[Mary Jane] Well, it's...

"Chinook winds are two types..."

Uh-oh.

"...of prevailing warm,
generally westerly winds

in western North America."

Dad was right. Westerly.

And I don't see Toronto anywhere here.

-No? Okay.
-[Mary Jane] Not happening.

[Tom] All right. You were right.

[laughs] You knew that all along.

I did not. I thought a chinook
was a warm wind from the north.

Well, get over yourself. It isn't.
Now get back to this.

You have to bend over, Tom,
and actually pull stuff out, like that.

[gentle acoustic music playing]

[Tom] Wow.

-Wow. Look at that.
-Nice.

-[Ryan laughs]
-That's really great. Thank you.

-What you wanna do with it?
-[Tom] Thank you, guys.

Probably put some hay up here.

-[laughs]
-That's great.

No, this has been a super fun project
because, like, it's conceivable to think

that it was some
of my great-great ancestors

that probably built this barn.

Your family's coming over tonight
and we're gonna put the time capsule in.

-Nice.
-And maybe have a drink?

-[Ryan] Looking forward to that.
-I was gonna show you my new invention.

A little whiskey,
a little Conboy Maple Syrup.

Nice.

[gentle acoustic music playing]

[Tom]
We have a time capsule here.

We're gonna put
some Conboy Maple Syrup in it.

We're gonna put some whiskey
and hopefully,

in a hundred years from now,
someone will be restoring the barn again.

And they'll find this,
and they'll have a glass of whiskey.

Let me just-- I wrote a little note today.

"So happy that you found
this time capsule.

Please enjoy a wee sip of whiskey
in honor of my friends

who completed restoring the barn today.

This century-old barn is the new home
for my mule and donkey.

And whoever finds this
may want to search the internet

for Tom Green Country, episode one,

and they'll be able to watch us
restoring the barn.

If there's still an internet.

Big thanks to Ryan and Jason and Kevin

for making sure that this barn lives on
for another hundred years.

Signed..." my name, Tom.

-Thank you, guys. We did it.
-[all cheer]

Awesome. Let's go. Let's go.

[Tom] Okay, here we go.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. There you go.

-Just the syrup for me, please.
-Just the syrup? Okay. Oh, no. Sorry.

There you go.

Okay, okay.

Okay. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Okay.

-Yeah, I'll take a shot of that.
-Oh, sorry.

-[all laugh]
-I'm not paying attention.

-Thank you.
-[man] Nice try.

Here we go. The vanilla ice cream.

There we go. Hold on, everybody. Here.

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Now we've got a nice sunset here.
Thanks, everybody. Cheers.

-[all] Cheers.
-Cheers. Cheers. Cheers.

Everyone put their cheers
in the middle here.

Cheers. Cheers. Cheers.
Cheers. Cheers.

Cheers, everybody.

-Cheers, man.
-Awesome.

Mm.

-Oh, yeah. See?
-[Mary Jane] It's pretty good.

That is the way to...

-That's the way to drink maple syrup.
-[all laugh]

[uplifting music playing]

[indistinct chatter]

♪ Five hundred miles to New Mexico ♪

♪ Five hundred more, I'm coming home ♪

♪ Took a pit stop down in old Chaco ♪

♪ Paid my respect to the Navajo ♪

♪ Yeah, that's me coming down
The old gravel driveway ♪

♪ I can already smell Mom's apple pie ♪

♪ And I know it's been a long time
Since I went away ♪

♪ Now that you ask, I can't remember why ♪

♪ Bright lights fade out ♪

♪ Had a blast going up ♪

♪ Nearly died coming down ♪

♪ Good friends ♪

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Don't last forever
Except in our minds ♪

♪ Someday, I will return ♪

♪ Flipped everything upside down
Just to watch it burn ♪

♪ And you know me from back in the day ♪

♪ Ain't it funny how
Everything can change? ♪

♪ And you know me from back in the day ♪

♪ Ain't it funny how
Everything can change? ♪