Original subtitles

You got any room on that couch? You got a naked girl coming right at you. Bring

it on.

Come here,

you little monkey.

Will you please get her dressed?

Clean up before Mama gets here. Oh, shoot.

I gotta get ready. We're supposed to be at the bank. Why do you have to go to

the bank?

Because we need money for stuff like your braces.

But I don't want braces. I want a video game player. Charlie, your mama couldn't

tell you something true. No matter what you choose to do or be, life is easier

if you're pretty.

Does a girl know good to be good at video games?

Knock, knock. Hey, y 'all. Hi, Mama.

Hey, Mama.

It's hotter than a fur coat and Marfa out there.

Guess you're just going to let him watch TV all day.

Oh, Mama, please don't start. I'm trying to get ready.

Hey, Mama, that laundry was folded.

It will be when I get through.

Hi, Mama!

Yeah! One, two, woo!

Oh, I'm so glad to see you. Give Mama a great big kiss right there. Look how big

you get.

How's it going, Cassie?

Well, I'm a two -pack a day or trying to quit smoking. That's how it's going.

You know what gum and nicotine taste like?

Gum and nicotine.

How's the knee?

Oh, it doesn't work and keeps me up all night.

Sounds like my last two husbands.

What are you going to do if the bank turns you down?

No idea.

Well, it ain't a sin to be poor, but it's damned inconvenient.

Well, what do y 'all think?

Whoa. You're either a magician or a twin.

Mama, you look pretty.

You sure do.

It's going to be a lot harder for the banker to turn you down in that outfit.

Yeah, that's what I'm counting on. Like you said, use it until you lose it.

Yuck, I've lost it, and I'm still using it.

What smells like pumpkin pie?

Oh, it's me.

These scientists did a test and figured out that the smell of pumpkin, it brings

blood flow to a man, you know what, faster than anything else.

Wait till you hear that. I read it in some woman's magazine, August 2006, as

reached where the spoon was on the cover. Rex, come on. We got to go.

Baby, be good to your boss. Bye, Mama. Bye, Mama.

Oh, dang.

I broke my nail.

Sure, no one's looking at your nails.

I married you nine years and I haven't gotten to your nails yet.

Come on. Now, Sam, don't slouch like you do.

Knockers up.

I am so nervous.

Yeah, me too.

Let me unbutton these.

Just in case he's gay.

Well, I did say whatever it takes.

Baby, how do we get ourselves into such an awful mess?

A lot of people ask us questions these days.

Samantha!

Oh, hells bells. I do not need Carol Reed telling me how perfect her life is.

Hey, I dumped her for you. You got the big prize.

Don't tell her while we're here.

Hey, Carol. Hi. It's been forever.

Don't you look pretty?

I do believe you were wearing that same dress the last time I saw you.

Well, aren't you observant? Jim and I were just here on business.

But tomorrow we're off to Hawaii, and then we're going to New York to do a

little shopping.

We all got to stimulate the economy, right?

Bless your heart. Always thinking of others.

Bye -bye.

Y 'all travel safe. Will do.

Bye.

Mrs. Horton.

Mr. Horton. Please, have a seat. Thank you.

Well, we're here about this letter.

Well, I'd say it's a bit more than a letter.

This is a notice of intent to foreclose. Yes, and we know we're seriously behind

in our payments, but the rates suddenly jump so high. As adjustable rates do.

Mr. Sweeney, it's like I was trying to tell you on the telephone.

My physical therapy job got phased out and Rex here, well, he hurt his knee so

bad that he had to quit his construction job and get surgery, and we're just

trying to pay back the medical bills.

The healing's been a whole lot slower than I'd hoped.

I sympathize, but your mortgage payments must be maintained.

It's not just about the mortgage.

We're strapped.

Completely.

I'm getting dinner on the table. It's hard.

We need more time.

But, Mrs. Horton, I can't really give you any more time. You can call me Sam.

Sam?

That's an interesting scent you're wearing. You like it?

Very much.

But, uh, there's nothing I can do.

With the current financial situation, this bank must take a zero -tolerance

position on nonpayment. What about the government bailing you out to help us

out? Where's the help?

All I can tell you is that unless we receive payment on the 15th of this

foreclosure proceedings will begin.

And we'll lose our home. Yes, that is what foreclosure means.

I'm sorry.

No, you're not.

Not really.

Even though you're plenty of all year, too.

You know, the day we met you, you told us that a subprime -arm loan made good

sense.

And not to worry about the rate adjustments, because we would be able to

refinance before the loan reset. And then you told us that it would be

advantageous for us to enhance our income statement to help facilitate the

approving process. Those were your words.

Exactly.

Now, I don't think any of us remembers exactly what was said. Oh, she does.

You were wearing a black and gray tweed coat.

With a taupe shirt and a cream tie. It had a quarter -sized hot sauce stain on

it. And you were real worried because you were getting ready to take your

ID.

There's the tie and there's the stain.

Now, what exactly don't I remember exactly?

Like I said.

Well, if you got a month's extension, it's something.

Is it? Let's go make it better next month.

Chocolate milkshakes and cheese fries. I want to make it better for all of about

five minutes, but I'll take it. Here's my application.

I know you guys aren't hiring, but if you could just have me manage to keep

on file.

Thanks. You're really desperate, huh? I would join the army and sit there and

wear heels.

Hey, you know we'd sure hire you at the bar if we could.

I know you would. So there's just nothing promising for Rex? Nothing.

Nobody's even hiring, and if there were any construction jobs, they're not going

to go for a guy with dumb knees. Oh, gosh. This must be killing him.

You know men are pride.

Men are complicated.

No, they're not. Men are easy. I'm thirsty.

I'm hungry. I'm horny. That's men.

Oh, they're not necessarily in that order.

You guys, I never thought I'd say anything quite as sappy as it was not

to turn out this way, but it wasn't.

I mean, when they were scouting wrecks for UT, I already had the drapes picked

out for the pool house.

You weren't crazy.

Handsome white running back is worth his weight in gold.

I just thought we were going to be the next Angie Harmon and Jason Sehorne, and

then they got knocked down. You got knocked up.

Hey,

wait a minute. Here's something.

Kind Touch Health Spa.

Licensed massage therapist. I'm licensed.

I don't know how you do that. Touch a naked stranger's body.

It's just skin. It makes them feel better.

It doesn't say they're hired, but it's worth a call.

It's all the way in the arena.

It's more than an hour's drive.

Well, there's nothing here.

You know how smart you were to go and become a lawyer? My mom always said I

too pretty for law school.

My mama said I was too skinny to get a husband.

My mom said to always wear lipstick, even if you're just going to the market.

Well, it's a Texas mom.

Texas mom.

The usual time, you little devil.

Okay.

I've got to go now. All right. Bye -bye.

Hi there. Can I help you? Hi. My name's Samantha Horton, and I called about the

mouflage therapy interview.

Oh, that's right.

Here's my resume.

Hi. Hi there. Well, I'm JC.

Hello. And this here is my partner, Doreen.

Well, good morning.

Gosh, you are a pretty little thing. Thank you. Oh, and I can spot a pageant

smile. What'd you win? I was Miss Bixby Hill.

Runner -up, Miss Piedmont. I dropped my baton.

Well, I entered in this Texas, but then I got pregnant and married, and now I

got three kids. I'm dying to have babies. You were smart. Start young.

I'm trained in shiatsu and deep tissue, but I can pretty much do any kind of

massage y 'all want.

Wow, look at you.

I'm a real fast learner, and I'm just desperate for a job.

Can you start tomorrow?

Really? That's it? Pretty much, baby.

Thank you.

Who's starving? I could eat a buttered monkey.

Yay! We're celebrating Mom's new job.

So now I can play flag football?

Flag football is way down on the list of things we need to be paying for.

Please. It's like $100 just to register. And there's the team photo and

equipment. And what if you break your glasses? That conversation is over.

Hey, hon, I didn't hear your motorcycle.

Because I sold it.

I actually love that thing.

Yeah? Kind of like having electricity, too.

Maybe I know that wasn't easy.

Good riddance. You know what doctors call them? Donor cycles.

Are we reached now?

No. Hey, sweetheart, what's it like at that kind, touch health spa? Well,

it like?

Oh, no, a bee. Watch out, Brady. They can smell your fear.

Hey, Mama.

It's all right. I got it.

You know what? It was real nice.

Rich clients, big tips.

Yeah? Maybe I should ditch my job at the salon and come rub some backs with you.

Unless they're moley or hairy.

Woman, you wax hoo -ha. Yeah, I remove the hair, but I don't mess with it.

What's hoo -ha? Nothing.

Daddy, what is a hoo -ha?

Camp town ladies, sing this song.

Hoo -ha, hoo -ha.

Camp town track is five miles long. Oh, hoo -ha day.

Hi, here I am.

Oh, hey, honey, welcome.

Why don't you come on back and meet the other girls, okay?

Got a bit of a lull right now, but as soon as that Cowboys -Redskins game is

done, we are going to be plenty boogie.

Come on.

All right.

Here we go.

Okay, ladies, say hi to Sam.

Hey, honey, welcome back.

Hi. Okay, now, just real quick. I started this business 15 years ago. I

to be a novelist, and I still do, but this pays the bills a whole lot better.

Doreen used to be a dancer.

Well, cruise ships mostly, but some dinner theater.

Now, she's been partners with me for ten years. Isn't that right? Yeah.

And Tanya's been with us for six, that's right. And she's also an amazing tattoo

artist. Now, oh, and this here is Emma, our barely legal -looking newbie.

How long you been here, sweetie?

Uh, two months today.

So nice.

Hey, hon, you got a client number four. Why don't you scoot on over? All right.

Okay. And you're all licensed massage therapists?

Sure, yeah. We all have licenses, and we all give massage.

But it's a teensy bit more than that.

What do you mean?

Well, like my writing teacher always says, why don't you show me, not tell

Come on over here, I'll show you.

Let me just get these open here.

Hi, Richard.

So this is one of those two -way jobs? You know, like they have in all the cop

shows.

How are you doing?

Pretty good, how are you?

I love that SVU. I think Mariska Hartigay, she's just darling. And her

Jane Mansfield, so you know those breaths are real.

For safety, we always bring the first -time clients into this room. It's all

very above board. Nobody does anything they're not comfortable with. You

understand?

Yeah.

You understand?

Yeah, I do.

Damn it, Rex, we're almost out of gas.

I ain't gas guzzler.

You look good.

Well, you sure don't. What were you thinking?

Look, I spent all day standing outside of Kyle's lumber lot with the other day

laborers.

Trying to pick up some odd job that would pay enough for me to sign up my

for flank football.

Wait.

The whole day I'm watching people we know coming out of that store and I can

it on their faces.

Look how far the football hero has fallen.

I'm sorry.

I had a bad day too.

This is a junk.

Decline.

Rex, where's your wallet?

It's, uh, in my pocket.

A dollar?

Damn it, Rex, this is not what I signed up for.

This is America.

A girl this pretty, she's not supposed to be poor.

And I'm sorry another son's all braggy and unfair and awful, but you know what?

It's true.

You know what?

Dee was right.

She was right. I am Sam Horton.

I am Sam Horton, and I do not let black get me down.

I do what I have to do.

And I don't get defeated.

Jaycee? Hi, it's Sam.

Sam Horton.

I'm so sorry that I walked out on y 'all today.

Vacuum. V -A -C -U -U -M.

Vacuum.

Good. Now to blow.

To blow. So now can I go up five football?

T -A. No. It's not T -A? No, I was talking to Brady. Do you want an apple

orange? Orange.

Please? No.

V -L -E -A -U.

To blow.

Perfect. You're going to do fine.

We're all going to be fine. Everything's going to be fine.

There's nothing to be scared of. I mean it.

It's Mama's birthday at work, and I'm not going to be able to pick you up at

school. Go to Sam, sorry. I put two desserts in both your lunches. Wow, your

job's great.

Come on, scoot.

I'm sitting behind Mama.

No, you are.

Uh -huh. You went last time.

myself on running a safe, clean business. We provide a reliable service

reasonable rates.

We're like very clean, except not fattening.

We are open Saturday to Thursday, noon to midnight.

Just being Friday, payday. Start early and stay until the last one leaves.

Hey, well, it's real important that I work only when my kids are at school.

Oh, that's fine. we do a huge lunch crowd all the outfits are in a little

in the back but each of these rooms have everything you might need there's

condoms and oils and such oh and drinks in viagra are on the house you give away

viagra pays for itself little blue pill keeps us in the black we were worried

when the economy tanked but turns out that this the most recession -proof

business there is and what about police oh well let's just say donuts ain't the

only thing you're getting for free All righty, let's get you on in the back

room, because everybody's here on Friday.

All righty.

Now, for everyone's protection, none of us uses a real name.

Doreen is Sugar.

Emma wants to be called Salome. She won't do anything that's not mentioned

the Bible. Lucky for us, that's not all limiting.

Tanya is Margarita. Unless the guy's into Asian chicks, then I'm sucky.

right, and I'm Big Mama.

I do mostly fetish stuff. I got me some kick -ass feet.

So you, I think, we are gonna call you Brandy.

Because you look like you're good down real smooth.

Brandy, okay.

Now, like you saw yesterday, we screened everybody up front, but if you got any

problems at all, you holler, right?

You know how to use a gun, baby?

No. I'll teach you.

Tanya used to be a bounty hunter.

It's crazy.

Anyway, you got any questions?

No, I just feel like I might be sick.

First time's the hardest.

Like the first time you kill someone?

Gets easier.

This was always easy for you. Come on. What can I say? I love sex.

I'm getting paid to do something I love. It's such a blessing, right? You know,

the work is what it is. You got to get into your own headspace on that. But at

the end of the day, beat the hell out of waitresses.

Oh, 9 a .m. Well, it is Friday. That's for sure. Okay, girls.

This will help some.

I'm still getting used to it.

You don't even look old enough to drink.

What brought you here?

I ran away from home to try out for American Idol.

But they said it wasn't ready yet, so I'm saving money for a singing coach.

You can't get home?

My family's Pentecostal.

I'm not real supportive of my Hollywood ambitions.

I kind of like being all rebellious at first, but now... I don't know.

The money's good, but God's always watching, you know?

I really did not need that thought in my head right now.

Anna, honey, you're in room one. And Sam, you're in room four. There's some

pretty little outfits back there for you, okay?

Well, that feels really good, honey.

Well, thank you.

So, where are you from?

Am I supposed to answer that?

No.

Sorry, I'm just kind of nervous. It's my first time, not massaging, but, you

know. Really?

Yeah, me too.

Oh. Well, now look at us, two peas in a pod.

So, are you married?

Yep. That's why I'm here.

What the hell?

Well, that wasn't respectful.

Well, you know, this may be my first time, but I'm pretty sure you're not

supposed to be hitting me. A man is not supposed to put down his wife.

When was the last time you told her she was beautiful?

I don't know, but... You know, men, they fall in love with their eyes, but

women, we fall in love with our ears.

You remember that I said that?

Oh.

Dang it.

I'm so sorry. That's my phone. I forgot to turn it off.

Oh, it's my daughter's school. I need to take this.

Hey.

Hey, baby, what's up?

No, you didn't.

You won the whole spelling bee.

What was the word?

Diphthong. Now, that's a hard word. Hey, do you know how to spell diphthong?

What? Okay, you know what? We're going to celebrate tonight.

Mama loves you.

Bye.

Can you believe that?

This is quite what I imagined, you know.

Your kid calling me, talking about not a wife. Maybe I should just, uh... Okay,

please.

Please, you can't go.

Look, I really need this job, and... Can I just have a do -over?

Huh? Look, I promise that you'll leave here satisfied, okay? Because when I do

something, I do it right.

And you know what? Maybe I can help you get a little bit more of what you need

at home.

Now, when was the last time that you bought something special for your wife?

I don't know.

On her birthday, I guess, but... Okay, well, then, you need to get her

for no reason.

And I'm not talking about flowers. I mean something real fancy, like an

expensive watch.

I'm sorry, honey. This is not what I paid for.

Look, this isn't quite what I had in mind. I know what you paid for.

You're a very pretty lady and all, but I just... It's kind of not the right

feeling I'm getting here somehow.

Okay. This is what you paid for.

See all that money right there?

That's just for one day.

I mean, I gotta worry about the kids.

And Bill and the house, right?

I mean, I'm only gonna do it until we get ahead.

I can do this.

It's gonna be fine.

Ann, it's going to be fine.

Oh, my God, I'm going to have to pull over.

Sam, what's up? I need some girlfriend talk right now.

Stop looking so shocked.

I'm sorry, Sam, but this isn't a shocked face. If you want me to look different,

you might need to say something a little less shocking. I was just hoping for a

little sympathy.

I thought Pretty Woman was like your favorite movie.

God, I love that movie.

I'm just going to make another one that good.

Defocus. Sorry.

Look, I just needed somebody to talk to. And I couldn't tell Laura because she'd

probably have to have me arrested. Oh, God, please don't tell Phil. Of course I

won't tell Phil.

Well, why? Because her husband, someone like you, is available.

Oh, God. Sam, this is just... I don't know.

Wow. That's what I made today.

Holy soba.

I'm not proud of it.

You know, working a bar, you kind of stop judging people.

Just please be careful, and the sooner you stop, the better.

I will.

Thank you.

So, what's it like?

Well, to be honest, the thing they want the most is for you to lie to them.

They want to know that their guts are small and their Johnsons are big, even

the truth is staring you right in the face.

Oh, my Lord.

Please tell me I'm not crazy.

It sounds like men aren't the only ones who want to be lied to.

You got that right.

You go home.

I gotta go tell my fat husband he's hot.

Hey, everybody.

Home. Hey, babe.

Hi. Made spaghetti. I can see that. Sorry I'm running a little bit late, but

went shopping.

What did you get? Let me see.

Further Spelling Champ.

Suzy Style, doll. And for you.

Thank you. Thank you, Mommy. And I think that's for you.

Does this mean I can play football?

Yes, it does.

Can we afford this? We can now.

Oh, what exactly didn't I actually want to be?

You're gonna be fine.

It's beautiful.

This is why you're my favorite customer.

I am?

You like it?

Why you're my favorite customer.

Who is she?

Me?

I'm a dubious man with a shirt name.

You just gave it to me right out of the blue.

Whatever you two want, it's on me.

And thank them.

I know you're not supposed to say it, but I just love having money.

Loving it? Maybe just a little too much?

Oh, Dee, come on. You know I've always dreamt of not having to look at price

tags. And Rex couldn't suspect anything? I mean, the watch, the earrings, the

necklace. What do you tell him?

That they're all fake. Come on.

Men don't know from jewelry.

Well, that's the truth.

You know what's weird? Nobody even wants an explanation.

It's like, I'm Santa Claus. As long as I keep giving them presents, they can see

me soaring through the sky like a flying reindeer.

Don't worry.

I know what I'm doing.

You like?

Yeah.

What's wrong?

It's just... Look,

I'm happy you're working.

And I'm trying to keep some perspective on this, but...

It's killing me that you're the breadwinner and I'm not.

Baby. No, I always said that I'd protect you.

That I would take care of you.

You want a massage?

No.

You've been doing that all day.

Not to anyone who looks like you.

Jim.

Sam, what are you doing here? What are you doing here?

What do you think I'm doing here?

Oh, this is embarrassing.

Well, I won't tell if you won't tell. There's nothing to tell. It never

happened. I know your wife.

So what? She treats you like dirt.

Don't you want to stick it to her? Not by you sticking it to me. Now get on out

of here.

Go.

All right.

And I thought y 'all were spoiled before.

Hey, slow down there, kids.

Remember, Christmas is more than just about presents.

Yeah, right.

Happy birthday, Jesus.

Well, that must have been some Christmas bonus you got.

Not bad.

But don't you think you're working a little too hard?

I'm starting to see lines on that pretty face.

Yeah, Mama. Don't frown. It makes it worse.

I'm just saying you look tired is all.

Well, don't all parents look tired on Christmas morning.

And go look under that tree for a small little box with your name on it.

Something very sparkly inside.

Yes, ma 'am.

Your presence outside.

Okay.

What? What are you doing? What is this? Open your eyes.

Surprise. No, you didn't. I did.

Oh, Sam.

I don't even know what to say.

I mean, thank you.

I got something for you, but... Wow, next to this.

Oh, what the heck.

Well... Thanks for the training.

It's an exterminating company.

And the money's not great.

But did you know there are more rats in East Texas than there are in New York

City?

Sexy. Don't even get me started on cockroaches.

It's real good.

No. It's gross.

But it's a start.

Now, Snake Duke, for your local news, weather, and sports, here's Jimmy.

Well, folks, if you live in Texas for the cool, sir.

I mean, there's a bunch of guys out there who knew this business had a

rush. I'm not allowing people this time of year.

Well, it can't be.

It can't be. What? What can't it be?

What is it?

It's the preacher from my church.

He's wearing the brown sweater the choir gave him for Secret Santa.

I picked out that sweater.

Are you okay?

I don't know.

Well, go on, then. Get out of here.

But where?

I can't go home, and idol auditions aren't for another six months.

Baby, you can always go home.

As a parent, I always tell my kids. Will you pray with me?

I gotta get back inside, but you know what?

That Christian Fellowship Lodge, it's right over there.

Say one for me.

Would you?

Excuse me.

I'm sorry to interrupt.

But I think God wants me to tell you what's going on at that house by across

way.

20 seconds left.

You missed Brady's touchdown.

Brady? Kid Carver and him got stung by a bee. Well, I'm sorry.

It was my job. I have a job too, Sam.

I'm here.

All right, good game.

Hornets, come on, bring it in.

Bring it in. Sam.

You okay?

Well, I just, I can't believe I missed Brady's touchdown.

Well, I'd love to say love you many more, but that's not the line.

Dee, I drove here so fast, I almost got myself a ticket. I mean, I swear I'm

doing everything I can to keep it together, but it's too much. So quit.

I can't.

Money's too good.

House needs a new roof. Rex is thinking about buying that company he's been

working for.

I'll quit.

I will. I've got to.

I'm just so tired of being tired all the time.

I scored a touchdown.

Brady!

You got a touchdown.

I'm not scared of babies anymore.

I scored a touchdown.

I scored a touchdown. Did you see me? Did you see me? I did see you, yeah.

I can't wait. I'm too late for the final. I scored a million touchdowns.

Sam.

Sam, wake up, baby.

Sam.

Because I never heard the alarm.

I heard it way out in the garage.

Honey, this is nuts.

The last few weeks you've been wearing yourself out. You've got to cut back

on the hours. I'm up.

I'm up.

Hey, have you seen Emma lately? I haven't seen her since Christmas.

No, and I miss that little buttercup. Especially because it's been so crazy

around here.

I'll tell you what's crazy. Me.

Sitting here, bored and horny, while Sam's got three rooms going.

Oh, well, now, don't go comparing yourself to others, Tanya. We all got

strengths.

Though I gotta say, Sam's been busy as popcorn.

Yeah. Got guys flying in from Germany on private jets.

Guys buying her jewelry. And three. Three proposals.

That's gotta be, like, some kind of record.

I can't believe it's almost four o 'clock.

Dang it.

Y 'all, why is this always empty?

Sam, you got a new guy in the queue, and number four's still waiting.

Okay, well, the last guy was in real estate, and he wouldn't stop crying. I'm

sorry. Two seconds, and I'll be right there.

Well, I'm sorry, but I gotta know. What could she possibly be doing that we're

not? I mean, there's only so many places to put things, and so many things to

put in them.

He came to Sandy's with Crust. I hated him enough.

Can't believe you remembered.

Of course I did.

Aunt Julie used to make them for you when you went to Alabama.

Amazing. My wife can't even remember how I like my eggs.

Scrambled with hot sauce.

Now, did Ruthanne get that part?

What the what?

She wanted the princess role.

She got the funny fairy godmother.

Well!

You just tell her that the funny parts are the ones everyone remembers.

No.

Lay on down.

Yes, ma 'am.

Brandy, you could have been killed. Yeah, well, I'm just having a hard time

staying awake.

I can't have my favorite girl falling asleep at the wheel.

Is that what I think it is?

Keep you going.

Works for me.

Well, no offense, but I've never even tried weed. I don't want to do anything

wrong or highly illegal.

More than I'm doing right now.

Well, it's there if you need it.

See you next week, Brandy.

Looking forward to it.

Mama's going to turn in early. You just brush your teeth and say your prayers,

okay? But you can't sleep.

Tomorrow's a bake sale.

Remember?

What? We're raising money for the fur.

For the fur?

Yeah. It's a country that's in trouble.

Oh, you mean tar fur.

I guess.

The bake sale's a castle theme.

I came up with the idea.

Mama? Are you listening?

Yeah.

I'm not... I'm not...

Okay,

I can do this.

I'm a good mother.

This is what good mothers do.

With the gray fondant, make castle turrets.

With the green fondant, place pieces into the mountain.

And with the pipe... Wake up, Sam.

Oh, I'm tired.

Well, what do y 'all think?

Wow, Mama, it's perfect.

Wow. You must have been up all night. Oh, I was, but it's done, and you can

the chocolate drawbridge, and the moat is fudge.

Okay, y 'all, you're ready.

Hey.

You're a great mom.

I'm glad to catch.

Hey, Sam, you okay?

Yeah, I'll be there in a minute. All right, doll.

The most memorable women of the season dish dirt and tell stories that we want

to hear.

Sam, you look thin.

Not again.

You've lost weight. Yeah, you've gained weight.

Samantha Dale Horton. You can comment on my weight, but I can't comment on

yours. Because it's rude.

Yeah, it is.

Wait a minute, he's just about to give her the flower.

I predict he picks the one with the bigger chest.

You say that every year.

I'm going to keep saying it until I'm wrong.

Mama? Are you going to get more Coke?

What did you say?

I want one too.

I'll take a beer.

Can I please just go to the bathroom?

Is she okay, do you think?

She gets that from my people.

A woman got bladders the size of peas.

Hey, you gotta help me.

I'm out, and I'm desperate.

It's gonna take me a few days.

My guy's out of town. Okay, well, can't you just call him?

Or someone else, please?

I'll make it worth your while.

Well, darling, now we're talking.

Yeah, I got it.

Sample, waiting room one. Got it.

But, Mom, I don't want to.

Well, you're going to have to because that's how doctors look for stuff.

Like what?

I don't know. The kind of stuff they find in your pee.

But I don't have to go. Well, you're going to have to try. I can't. Yes, you

can. I can't. I'll turn on the water.

That doesn't help. You're going to have to try. I can't. Just stop saying it. Do

you hear me? Stop it. Stop saying it. Stop saying it. Stop saying it. Okay.

I'll do it. I'll try.

Oh, my God, I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Mama's having a bad day, okay?

Go on up to the waiting room. I'll be right there.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

You okay, Brandy? The last few weeks, you seem kind of different.

Yeah, sure, baby, I'm fine.

You want anything special today or just the usual?

No, the usual's just fine, Brandy.

Hey, remember I was telling you that my in -laws are in town?

Yeah, Aileen and Tim from Chattanooga.

Yeah.

Well, anyway, they get here and, uh... Do you mind if we just get this going?

A little less talking.

I guess so.

Got a session in here.

Session's over, ma 'am.

I'm coming.

Well, her anyway.

You have the right to remain silent.

Anything you say, can, and will be used against you in court of law.

What the heck is going on here? Y 'all have been fine with us for ten years.

Yeah, one of you's been real fine with us. Listen, J .C., we don't like this

better than you do. Oh, is that right? We got meth labs popping up all over

town. We want to occupy ourselves with a couple little boys getting happy

ending. Hilarious, isn't it?

You call your sergeant right now, and you tell him to put a stop to this.

and tell him Doreen says hi.

This is coming from way above here.

The media got here before we did.

We have orders to search the premises.

Search away. You ain't going to find nothing.

We got this.

Carry that thing, son.

I'm out of bounds. Cut up field.

Play with him at UT, right?

Yeah. They used to be contact shots. You better

just got Saddam Hussein.

I already got him, idiot.

More than the other one, then.

Poor

bastards.

Whoa, what are they, charged by the pound?

Shake the sheets to find her.

The name of the establishment is the Kind Touch Health Spa, but locals here

they've long known that much... Oh, my gosh.

No, turn that off now.

...quite a show for the whole neighborhood.

We will keep you updated on all the developments... Okay, now we're talking.

Shut up.

...along with the alleged prostitutes. Of course, they will be held separately.

The big question tonight is who he is running for. Rex, you look kind of like

your wife, don't you?

That makes sense.

Do you hope to hear from the mayor and the police chief for more details?

They'll be holding a press conference.

We'll bring that to you as soon as it happens.

I knew it would end like this.

Dee, please. No, you bail someone out of jail, you get to talk.

At first, you did it to save your family.

I get that, but then, it was for you.

You threw your whole life away for what's on your ears and around your

You're home.

What did I do?

What am I supposed to say to him?

How am I going to fix this?

Don't know maybe some things can't be fixed

I'm so sorry.

I know that I've really meant things wrong.

I know I do just about anything to make it right.

Just look at me.

Talk to me.

Yell at me. Swear at me. Hit me. I don't care.

All night I've been thinking about something.

That summer after graduation, you and me go.

Going to the vet to put Barney down.

I love that dog too.

And we get there and we're sitting in the parking lot holding that old dog

between us.

Him loving the attention.

Both of us know when it's his last day of life.

Then you sang to him.

That Beatles song.

In my life.

And then I... I couldn't do it.

I couldn't go in.

And you took him.

And you carried him in.

And you held him till he died.

You did that for me.

And any time things got tough with us, I'd think of that day and I'd think of

that girl.

of you it's gonna be this.

Winner of the 1999 Miss Bixby Beauty Pageant is Samantha.

What are you doing now?

I heard the TV.

Well, I'm sorry. We'll keep... Come here.

You're watching your pageants video.

Yeah.

I like the part where you say what you'd tell the president to do to fix the

Middle East.

Did you ever tell the president?

No.

Oddly enough, he decided not to consult Miss Bixby Hills about international

relations.

Why are you watching it?

That you've been spending the time of my life and I felt like I was doing

everything right.

You look fat.

Do you want me to think you like you do when I'm fat?

I think if you did that, I'd just not fall apart.

You're sweet, though.

Then should I go back to bed?

In a minute.

Do you think they're going to let me wear makeup in jail?

Try to smoke yourself.

Thank you for helping me.

I'm your friend.

I haven't been a very good friend lately.

Well, friendship isn't quite pro quo.

Wow, you are a lawyer.

So what's your mom say about all this?

The reason you have more than one kid is so you can ditch the screw -ups.

Sounds like your mom.

All right, let's get down to business.

So it seems this whole thing was orchestrated by the mayor's re -election

They're trying to position her as the champion of traditional values.

How'd she even find out about us? I know someone by the name of Emma Hollings.

Oh, my God.

She went to some religious group.

Christian Fellowship Lodge.

That's it.

Apparently what she found was a lot of old people with time on their hands and

cell phones.

They bombarded the police with calls. They got nowhere.

Took it down to City Hall where the mayor down in the polls decided it was

divine intervention.

I sent her there. It's all my fault.

They're looking to charge you with felony promotion of prostitution and

possession of cocaine.

You're looking at two years.

Oh, my God.

Are you still using? No.

I never again will feel like dog crap.

Well, you're going to feel agitated, depressed.

I mean, the works for a few months, and then, honestly, periodic cravings for

the next ten years.

Guess the first two years will be while I'm in jail. Well, maybe not.

I think there's a way we can use this election to our advantage.

Don't they want to look tough on crime?

But what they want more is publicity.

The more attention that Libby Summerlin can get from this, the better for her.

The more we help her, the more likely she is to help us.

And the best way to get attention is if we have some good names to give.

Did you have any clients that were prominent members of the community?

Well, yeah.

But I don't want to hurt or need those guys.

I can't worry about them. I'm representing you.

Besides, all the Johns ever get is a slap on the wrist.

I mean, there's personal and professional embarrassment, but they do

sleeping on the couch than jail time.

I just don't know.

Well, fine.

Go to jail. Don't see your kids for two years.

Okay.

Tell me what you need.

That's better.

And what about the girls?

It's going to reduce their jail time?

It might.

All right, I know it's a cash business and your clients use a lot of fake

but... Not with me, they do.

I need some good names, Sam.

Truckers and frat boys ain't going to do a thing for us.

We need our Elliot Spitzes and Tiger Woods.

What about a circuit court judge?

You're kidding me.

Who?

Charlie Ocko.

Dark hair, 6 '4", graduated cum laude. I know who he is.

I had a crush on him for years.

Well, let's just say sometimes small things come in big packages.

Let's just stick to what we can use in court, shall we?

That's great.

I need you to write down anyone else you can think of.

I'm going to need a lot more paper.

What about the cuddle guy?

Cuddle guy?

Davis P. Lowell, hedge fund manager, 44, three kids, Karen, Kathy, and Kiwi. He

lives right here in Lorena and I'd like to be held for hours.

Oh, that's kind of sweet.

Wearing only a diaper?

Okay, that's less sweet.

I don't know how did you do what you do.

Well, be the hell out of waitress then.

Arnie Vanderbosch, 46.

He's a defense contractor from El Paso, and I think that's it.

What about Jim Reed?

What, Carol the bitch of Bixby Hill's husband, Jim Reed? He came in, but I

him home. He's been a regular for years.

As much as I'd like to stick it to Carol, please don't put him on the list.

Okay.

Okay.

I mean, this is incredible.

If we play this right, we're looking at minimal time for all of them.

How many names we got?

Uh, 69.

That's appropriate.

That's the word.

Look, I'm going to get this formatted. We're going to walk it over to the

mayor's office personally.

And her team has already tipped the press off. They know what's coming.

I always knew that Sam Horton was nothing but trash.

Call my name, honey.

A lot of guys around here call my name.

Better hope none of them are on the list.

Good morning.

Heard my gynecologist was on the list. I don't even know what to make of that.

Well, if my husband's on that list, I'm going to take all his stuff, put it on

his bass boat, set it on fire.

True that.

They have stuff on fire, sure, but sell the bass boat, girl. You can get good

money for that thing.

You were right about that.

Don't this remind you about what happened in Odessa a few years back?

Yes. That's odd.

Thanks. Can you imagine still showing up for work, bless her heart?

I heard there's a lot of big shots on that list.

Businessmen, doctors.

Lawyer. Lawyer.

Those gals must have been really hard out for cash.

Some things even a hooker shouldn't have to do.

But we don't want to stay at Grandma's dad's house.

She thinks apples are for dessert.

She makes us go outside and play.

Okay, kid, that's enough.

Say goodbye to your mama.

You have a long ride ahead of us. Why can't she come with us?

Your mama can't leave town right now.

You've been all over this, son.

That's right, now listen to your daddy. Come here.

Honey, I want good reports, okay? No matter what happens to me, I want y 'all

know that my life has been very full.

Because I brought the three of you into the world.

Mama, are you gonna die?

No.

No, I'm gonna be fine.

Let's go now.

Get your head for the truck.

Help your little sister into her car seat.

I want more.

I'm right behind y 'all. Meet you at the car.

I'm going to come out and say goodbye.

I always thought that was the saddest sound in the world.

A person's zipper on their suitcase when you're not going with them.

My daddy used to take business trips, and I just hated that sound.

I think it's better for the kids to get away from all this.

Yeah, you're right.

Maybe when y 'all come back, maybe we can... Don't.

Well, maybe... Maybe when all this is over, we could just think about moving

and starting over.

Rex, please look at me.

I can't look at you, Sam.

Which is real tough.

Because looking at you used to be just about one of my favorite things to do.

Bye, Scouts.

I'm going to call you like a hundred times a day.

Bye, Mom.

Bye, Mommy.

Bye, Mama.

Take care.

You're up early.

Couldn't sleep.

Thanks for staying with me, Mama.

No time to be alone.

I keep thinking I've hit bottom, and every day it just gets lower.

I've been up all night thinking I just... Well, just realizing that I must

raised you all wrong.

See? New low.

I mean, I forgive you because you're my only child, but how could you do what

you did with all those men?

For my family.

Well, it makes my skin crawl.

Thank God your father's dead.

Oh, can you not completely destroy me until I've had some coffee?

Do you want some?

Sure. You like it strong, right? So strong I'll walk right into my cup.

I think your problem is I gave you too much self -esteem.

What the hell?

It's true.

You were just so pretty and bright.

I was sure you'd be Miss Texas or go to Hollywood and marry somebody famous.

It's no waste of my life on your father.

I want it better for you.

Yeah, your father might do hook or what. Oh, Mama, please do not tell me these

things. Do you know, ever since this happened, people think they can tell me

anything.

Checkout girl at the Save -A -Lot told me she don't like to do it doggy style.

You want some biscuits or something?

Sure.

Is it just disgusting?

I'm picturing disgusting.

Yeah.

Yeah, sometimes it's real disgusting.

Oh, honey.

But it's kind of like an actress playing a part.

All the attention I got back, that was something.

All those men, some rich, some powerful, all treating me like I was the best

thing in their lives.

I guess there's just a little part of me that needed that more than I should.

Now I just wish I could crawl up in a ball and make it all go away.

You and me both.

I'd rather two tinfoil than face the ladies at the salon.

Oh, you think the paper's come yet?

I will check.

Come on.

We've all heard of the hooker with the heart of gold, but what about one with

total recall?

Former beauty queen Samantha Horton, 28, in Bixby Hills, Texas.

Oh, thank God.

Oh, my God.

Currently under indictment for prostitution and drug possession.

The names of 69 of her customers have hit the papers this morning in what is

already known as The List.

Why is this national news?

Because it's about sex, not about them.

Christian, back to you.

Well, folks, the list has turned into the line today as police round up the

suspected Johns in the story that's got the whole town and much of the country

talking. Now, behind me, you see the Lorena Men's Community Center where the

suspects are being processed. That's because police headquarters simply can't

handle that kind of volume.

And as with everything connected to this story, it brings out the crowd with

strong reactions and people looking to make some money. Now, over here, we have

a group of local entrepreneurs selling some T -shirts.

Let's take a look at a couple of them. This one has all 69 names on the back.

And there's another one over here that says, My dad went to Lorena, and all I

got was this lousy T -shirt and a new stepdad.

Now, you'll also see plenty of women here who are videotaping the

I'm Tricia Wong reporting.

Now back to you, Roger.

Will the defendants please rise for sentencing?

It is my understanding that this sentencing is pursuant to a plea

That you have waived time and agreed that I can sentence you immediately.

Yes, Your Honor.

Sentences as follows for each defendant.

30 days in the county jail.

A fine of $2 ,000 and a $100 penalty of theft.

You are to be remanded immediately to begin sentence.

This court is adjourned.

The Lord has given us a warm day on which I have decided to address a

that has made a great number of us hot under the collar, a couple of whom,

shockingly, are in the ministry.

Our community...

And our congregation have experienced a great deal of pain and betrayal in these

past few months.

And today, I would like to talk about a concept that many of us have been

grappling with.

Forgiveness.

What is forgiveness?

Who deserves forgiveness?

Are some things unforgivable?

The Bible tells us that forgiveness is essential for life, frees us from past

wrongs, and gives us hope for the future.

Problem is, it's just too darn quiet in here.

It's not natural for a mother of three to be this quiet.

It's not good.

and spend this much time alone.

I have wished a Jehovah's Witness would stop by.

I finally have a wish come true and I wish that...

I'm sorry,

Jesus.

This is not going to be pretty. I think you're going to get the crap out of me.

Sam Horton, we know you're in there. We saw you in the window.

Hey, y 'all.

How can I help you?

We'd like to talk to you.

Well, you look like you just came from church, so I guess you don't have any

concealed weapons.

Anything can be a weapon if you want it to be.

Come on in.

Okay.

Do y 'all want some crackers or cookies or something? Give it up, Sam.

We all know this isn't a social visit, so let's get to it.

Some of the women here have husbands who you, well, serviced, and some have

husbands who you didn't, but we're all here for the same reason. Yeah, I know

why you're here.

If you could just hear me out first.

We were broke.

Flat broke.

And I don't know if any of y 'all have ever been there, but when that happens

and then you realize there's a way to make it all go away, well, it's amazing

what you're capable of saying yes to.

And I know, I mean, I really know that it is no excuse, but my whole life I

always depended on the look.

And I thought this was just going to be another one of those times.

I really thought I was doing the best thing for my family.

But in the end, the very thing I was trying to save, I lost.

So really, just about the worst thing that you could ever wish on me has

happened.

And I'm just real sorry.

From the bottom of my heart, for the pain that I caused you.

Yeah, that was a real nice speech, but frankly, we don't give a damn about you.

We're not here to get an apology or to get forgiveness.

Okay, well then, what do you... Why do they come to you?

What do you do that we don't?

How can we make them think about us the way they think about you?

That's why you're here?

Y 'all want tips?

Yes.

Oh.

Oh, well.

All right, then let's talk about that.

For what it's worth, Carol, when Jim came to see me, I sent him home.

You did?

That's in the past.

All right, now let's just focus on the present.

Okay.

I'll leave here today.

Tonight, your husbands won't know what hit them.

Oh, my God. You showed them how to do that?

They wanted me to demonstrate everything. I went through two bunches

My feet are killing me.

Then have a seat.

And happy birthday.

It's not till tomorrow, but you're off then.

So here.

Tanya, thank you.

Now grab a fork. Oh, I'm way ahead of you.

Make a wish.

You know, when I was little, I used to wish that everyone else's wishes would

come true, including mine. I thought it would give me brownie points for being

unselfish.

It's Jenna's birthday, too, right?

Yeah. The party's tomorrow. It's going to be the first time since me and Rex

separated.

Oh, that'll be tough, huh?

Yeah, but he's doing good.

You know, he's exterminating things, going okay, and finally getting over

can't play football anger.

Well, that's great.

No, actually, it's terrible.

I mean, him going and getting all wonderful after he left me.

I know, right?

It's good.

We actually make great friends, and he's being real supportive of me going back

to school.

He's going to come and see me get my six -month clean pan next week.

Congratulations.

Well, I've got to get to class.

Aw.

$5 tip.

Not bad for a cup of coffee and a piece of pie.

Even though a year ago I was getting a $1 ,000 tip in a marriage proposal.

Minimum wage plus keep the change doesn't have quite the same kick, does

Hey, do you remember at Kind Touch how we used to say this sure beats the hell

out of waitressing?

Yeah, back then we were just guessing.

Sam,

I've been thinking.

You did an awful thing.

Mama, please, not on my birthday.

Let me finish.

You did an awful thing.

But I think maybe I need to accept some of the blame.

You're more than just pretty, you know. Are you trying to tell me I'm about to

leave my looks?

No, you've got a couple years left.

What I'm saying is you're also smart, capable, and strong.

You screwed up, but you cleaned up your mess and you moved on.

And I think... Maybe I should have encouraged you to rely more on stuff

that.

Stuff that lasts longer than beauty.

Thanks, Mama.

Still doesn't mean you can flouch.

Straighten up.

Yes, ma 'am. I'll go tell them we're ready for the cake.

Mama! Hey.

How'd you do?

How's it going?

Go get some more. Go on.

Well, how's work?

Oh, you know, wage percentage is what it is.

School?

Hard.

Scary.

Exciting.

You look good.

You look real good.

I'm glad you're looking at me.

Can't believe our baby's four years old.

She sure was the best birthday present.

You know, it's good to share a birthday with your child. It keeps the day from

ever being able to get you down.

She loved that dollhouse you got her.

She wanted a pony.

What about you?

What do you want?

You know what I want.

I'm taking baby steps.

What do you think?

I think that's the second best birthday present I ever got.

Do you want to hear the story?

Always. This man was found dead in a wheat field.

He had deep flashes.

Here.

Everyone had a hand sickle.

And even though the blade had been wiped off, by the end of the day, one of the

sickles was covered in flies.

That's a hell of a bedtime story.

My dad told me that no matter what you do to fight it, the truth always has a

way of stopping it.