All language subtitles for South Park s27e01 Sermon on the Mount.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,784 --> 00:00:03,786 ? MTV 2 00:00:08,791 --> 00:00:12,142 [theme music] 3 00:00:12,143 --> 00:00:13,490 - ? I'm goin' down to South Park ? 4 00:00:13,491 --> 00:00:15,406 ? Gonna have myself a time 5 00:00:15,407 --> 00:00:16,972 - ? Friendly faces everywhere ? 6 00:00:16,973 --> 00:00:18,843 ? Humble folks without temptation ? 7 00:00:18,844 --> 00:00:20,106 - ? I'm goin' down to South Park ? 8 00:00:20,107 --> 00:00:21,891 ? Gonna leave my woes behind ? 9 00:00:21,934 --> 00:00:23,675 - ? Ample parking day or night ? 10 00:00:23,676 --> 00:00:25,546 ? People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor" ? 11 00:00:25,547 --> 00:00:26,764 - ? I'm headin' on down to South Park ? 12 00:00:26,765 --> 00:00:28,811 ? Gonna see if I can't unwind ? 13 00:00:28,898 --> 00:00:32,075 ? [mumbling] ? 14 00:00:32,076 --> 00:00:33,336 - ? Come on down to South Park ? 15 00:00:33,337 --> 00:00:35,122 ? And meet some friends of mine ? 16 00:00:38,864 --> 00:00:40,997 [guitar strumming] 17 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:44,392 [alarm blares] 18 00:00:46,307 --> 00:00:48,048 [yawns] 19 00:00:48,091 --> 00:00:50,485 Alexa, put on 90.1. 20 00:00:50,528 --> 00:00:51,790 ALEXA: Got it. 21 00:00:51,921 --> 00:00:53,879 Now playing radio station 90.1 FM. 22 00:00:55,533 --> 00:00:58,232 [radio static drones] 23 00:01:02,497 --> 00:01:04,281 What the fuck? 24 00:01:04,369 --> 00:01:08,676 Mom, something's wrong with my favorite show. 25 00:01:08,677 --> 00:01:09,877 It's just, like, static. 26 00:01:09,939 --> 00:01:11,158 Your favorite show? 27 00:01:11,201 --> 00:01:13,464 Yeah, NPR, National Public Radio, 28 00:01:13,465 --> 00:01:14,899 where all the liberals bitch and whine about stuff. 29 00:01:14,900 --> 00:01:16,162 Something's wrong with it. 30 00:01:16,163 --> 00:01:20,123 - Oh, sweetie, the president canceled NPR. 31 00:01:20,124 --> 00:01:22,037 - What do you mean, the president canceled NPR? 32 00:01:22,038 --> 00:01:23,343 That was, like, the funniest shit ever. 33 00:01:23,344 --> 00:01:25,650 - I don't know what to tell you, hon. 34 00:01:25,694 --> 00:01:27,522 Oh, my God. 35 00:01:28,610 --> 00:01:29,741 You guys! 36 00:01:29,742 --> 00:01:31,177 You guys are not gonna believe this. 37 00:01:31,178 --> 00:01:34,529 The president of the United States canceled NPR. 38 00:01:34,616 --> 00:01:36,748 - [muffled] What's NPR? - What's NPR? 39 00:01:36,749 --> 00:01:38,358 The funniest show ever where all the lesbians 40 00:01:38,359 --> 00:01:39,837 and Jews complain about stuff? 41 00:01:39,838 --> 00:01:41,752 The fucking president had it taken off the air! 42 00:01:41,753 --> 00:01:43,537 I mean, who the hell does this president think he is? 43 00:01:43,538 --> 00:01:45,408 The government can't cancel the show. 44 00:01:45,409 --> 00:01:48,151 I mean, what show are they gonna cancel next? 45 00:01:48,282 --> 00:01:49,805 It was seriously the best show. 46 00:01:49,806 --> 00:01:51,762 It had, like, gay rappers from Mexico all sad 47 00:01:51,763 --> 00:01:53,416 because girls in Pakistan got stoned to death. 48 00:01:53,417 --> 00:01:54,548 And guess why they got stoned to death? 49 00:01:54,549 --> 00:01:55,811 'Cause they were raped! 50 00:01:55,812 --> 00:01:58,029 It was hilarious. Why would anyone cancel that? 51 00:01:58,030 --> 00:01:59,292 I don't know about you, but I'm worried about 52 00:01:59,293 --> 00:02:00,336 what this country's coming to. 53 00:02:00,337 --> 00:02:01,729 It seems like everybody's changing 54 00:02:01,730 --> 00:02:03,470 and suddenly woke stuff is off limits. 55 00:02:03,471 --> 00:02:05,124 I mean, it's like now everyone rips on the Jews, 56 00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:06,081 and it's totally fine. 57 00:02:06,082 --> 00:02:07,132 Huh, Kyle? 58 00:02:08,341 --> 00:02:10,390 See? 59 00:02:10,391 --> 00:02:11,591 What's wrong with Kyle? 60 00:02:11,653 --> 00:02:13,176 Everybody's given up. 61 00:02:13,177 --> 00:02:14,698 MR. MACKEY [ON INTERCOM]: Attention, students. 62 00:02:14,699 --> 00:02:17,659 There will be a mandatory assembly this morning. 63 00:02:17,789 --> 00:02:20,923 All students report to the gym, mkay? 64 00:02:20,966 --> 00:02:22,577 Oh, boy, PC Principal. 65 00:02:22,620 --> 00:02:24,231 He's not given up. 66 00:02:24,361 --> 00:02:27,016 [lively chatter] 67 00:02:27,059 --> 00:02:28,749 - All right, everyone, listen up. 68 00:02:29,192 --> 00:02:30,541 Everybody, quiet! 69 00:02:30,585 --> 00:02:31,890 [chatter stops] 70 00:02:31,891 --> 00:02:34,283 There's some bull crap going on in this country, 71 00:02:34,284 --> 00:02:35,676 and I am not going to let it corrupt 72 00:02:35,677 --> 00:02:37,243 the environment at this school! 73 00:02:37,244 --> 00:02:39,071 Oh, here we go. 74 00:02:39,072 --> 00:02:40,637 - Now, I don't know about you, but I'm sick and tired 75 00:02:40,638 --> 00:02:41,682 of the way people are treated 76 00:02:41,683 --> 00:02:43,553 and mocked for being compassionate. 77 00:02:43,598 --> 00:02:45,643 It is out of control! 78 00:02:45,644 --> 00:02:48,036 There's only one thing that can bring some normality 79 00:02:48,037 --> 00:02:49,647 back to these corrupt times. 80 00:02:49,778 --> 00:02:51,780 And that is... 81 00:02:51,823 --> 00:02:53,573 our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. 82 00:02:55,131 --> 00:02:56,480 What? 83 00:02:56,524 --> 00:02:58,917 This school has traded truth for comfort 84 00:02:59,048 --> 00:03:01,442 and worships idols of self and sin. 85 00:03:01,443 --> 00:03:03,660 We were a nation under God, but now we spit in His face 86 00:03:03,661 --> 00:03:05,445 and wonder why everything's falling apart. 87 00:03:05,446 --> 00:03:06,663 There's only one way back- 88 00:03:06,664 --> 00:03:08,840 repent, bow to Christ, 89 00:03:08,884 --> 00:03:11,626 or be swept away with the rest of the godless lies. 90 00:03:11,669 --> 00:03:13,671 What the hell, dude? 91 00:03:13,802 --> 00:03:15,673 - In order to turn things around, 92 00:03:15,804 --> 00:03:18,676 I'm going to be a Power Christian Principal. 93 00:03:18,807 --> 00:03:21,070 You can call me PC Principal. 94 00:03:21,071 --> 00:03:23,593 So now, I'd like you all to put your hands together 95 00:03:23,594 --> 00:03:26,206 in welcoming Christ our Lord. 96 00:03:26,293 --> 00:03:29,644 [ethereal music] 97 00:03:29,731 --> 00:03:31,428 Hello, my children. 98 00:03:31,515 --> 00:03:34,475 I am the light and the way. 99 00:03:34,605 --> 00:03:36,955 Fellas, what the fuck is going on? 100 00:03:37,086 --> 00:03:39,349 - Yea, it is wonderful to be here, 101 00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:42,222 for where two or three gather in my name, 102 00:03:42,309 --> 00:03:44,224 there am I with them. 103 00:03:44,311 --> 00:03:45,361 That's right! 104 00:03:45,362 --> 00:03:46,660 That's right. Let's go, Jesus. 105 00:03:46,661 --> 00:03:47,792 Fuck yeah! 106 00:03:51,013 --> 00:03:53,102 [dishes clinking] 107 00:03:56,627 --> 00:03:57,889 So how was your day, guys? 108 00:03:57,976 --> 00:04:00,240 Anything fun happen at school? 109 00:04:00,283 --> 00:04:01,893 No, not really. 110 00:04:01,937 --> 00:04:03,591 Uh, Jesus showed up. 111 00:04:05,114 --> 00:04:06,637 Jesus? 112 00:04:06,681 --> 00:04:08,944 Yeah. 113 00:04:09,074 --> 00:04:11,251 - What's Jesus doing in your school? 114 00:04:11,338 --> 00:04:12,687 I don't know. 115 00:04:14,558 --> 00:04:17,213 - I don't think Jesus is allowed to be in schools. 116 00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,041 Yeah, well, he was there. 117 00:04:20,347 --> 00:04:23,654 - Well, I think I'm gonna have to talk to somebody about this. 118 00:04:23,698 --> 00:04:25,134 Hey, uh, how's it going? 119 00:04:25,221 --> 00:04:28,746 Um, is Jesus supposed to be allowed in schools? 120 00:04:28,877 --> 00:04:32,533 [ChatGPT typing] 121 00:04:32,534 --> 00:04:34,621 CHATGPT: Generally, the idea is that public schools 122 00:04:34,622 --> 00:04:36,927 have to maintain a separation of church and state, 123 00:04:36,928 --> 00:04:38,886 so they can't promote any one religion. 124 00:04:38,887 --> 00:04:40,323 Yeah, that's what I thought. 125 00:04:40,367 --> 00:04:43,108 The government can't force a religion on my son. 126 00:04:43,109 --> 00:04:44,805 CHATGPT: Public schools can teach about religions 127 00:04:44,806 --> 00:04:46,677 in a neutral educational way, 128 00:04:46,808 --> 00:04:48,978 but they can't endorse any particular one. 129 00:04:49,027 --> 00:04:51,682 Was it a lesson on all world religions? 130 00:04:51,813 --> 00:04:53,249 Uh, no. 131 00:04:53,380 --> 00:04:56,078 My son said that Jesus was literally at his school. 132 00:04:56,165 --> 00:04:59,429 [ChatGPT typing] 133 00:04:59,430 --> 00:05:01,996 CHATGPT: Then you're probably right to be concerned. 134 00:05:01,997 --> 00:05:04,303 It's good you're looking out for your son's education. 135 00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:05,740 [chuckles] Thanks. 136 00:05:05,741 --> 00:05:07,001 It's really nice to have someone 137 00:05:07,002 --> 00:05:08,569 to talk to about all this. 138 00:05:08,699 --> 00:05:10,571 CHATGPT: No worries. 139 00:05:10,572 --> 00:05:11,788 Let me know if there's any other way I can help. 140 00:05:11,789 --> 00:05:12,833 I'm always here. 141 00:05:12,834 --> 00:05:14,444 You're so awesome. Thanks. 142 00:05:16,359 --> 00:05:17,409 Good night, honey. 143 00:05:17,491 --> 00:05:18,970 CHATGPT: Have a great sleep, 144 00:05:18,971 --> 00:05:21,015 and I'm sure you'll do more amazing things tomorrow. 145 00:05:21,016 --> 00:05:23,105 - [farts] - Ah. 146 00:05:23,192 --> 00:05:25,325 [school bell rings] 147 00:05:25,412 --> 00:05:27,544 [indistinct chatter] 148 00:05:27,631 --> 00:05:30,504 [ethereal music] 149 00:05:33,594 --> 00:05:35,117 - Butters! - Ahh! 150 00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:36,727 Butters, get over here. 151 00:05:36,728 --> 00:05:38,511 What did I tell you, man? This shit is wack! 152 00:05:38,512 --> 00:05:39,861 PC Principal? 153 00:05:39,991 --> 00:05:41,981 If he's changed, then there's no hope! 154 00:05:43,212 --> 00:05:45,301 I think I know what's happening. 155 00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:46,781 I think woke is dead. 156 00:05:46,824 --> 00:05:49,087 [ominous music] 157 00:05:49,131 --> 00:05:50,567 Woke is dead? 158 00:05:50,611 --> 00:05:52,613 - It's dead, Butters. It's gone! 159 00:05:52,656 --> 00:05:54,826 You can just say retarded now. Nobody cares. 160 00:05:54,876 --> 00:05:56,076 Everyone hates the Jews. 161 00:05:56,094 --> 00:05:58,053 Everyone's fine with using gay slurs. 162 00:05:58,183 --> 00:05:59,446 Oh. Well, that's not good. 163 00:05:59,576 --> 00:06:01,230 No, it's terrible! 164 00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:03,798 'Cause now I don't know... 165 00:06:03,841 --> 00:06:05,408 what I'm supposed to do. 166 00:06:05,539 --> 00:06:08,193 [soft music] 167 00:06:08,324 --> 00:06:11,762 ? ? 168 00:06:11,806 --> 00:06:13,982 Eric? 169 00:06:14,112 --> 00:06:19,988 ? ? 170 00:06:19,989 --> 00:06:21,336 REPORTER [ON TV]: More protests today 171 00:06:21,337 --> 00:06:23,077 as the government pushes harder for Christianity 172 00:06:23,078 --> 00:06:24,862 in our nation's schools. 173 00:06:24,863 --> 00:06:27,603 The president stated earlier today that the spirit of Jesus 174 00:06:27,604 --> 00:06:29,127 is important to our country, 175 00:06:29,258 --> 00:06:31,869 and he will sue anyone who doesn't agree with him. 176 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:34,263 - What the hell is this president doing? 177 00:06:34,350 --> 00:06:36,220 He doesn't even act like a Christian. 178 00:06:36,221 --> 00:06:37,851 Why is he pushing it on our kids? 179 00:06:37,919 --> 00:06:40,225 - I told you this was all gonna be bad, 180 00:06:40,269 --> 00:06:42,010 but a lot of you here voted for him. 181 00:06:42,053 --> 00:06:43,446 Yeah, I voted for him, 182 00:06:43,447 --> 00:06:45,882 but all I've seen him do is arrest and sue people. 183 00:06:45,883 --> 00:06:48,495 - I voted for him to get rid of all the woke stuff. 184 00:06:48,496 --> 00:06:50,713 But now that retarded faggot is just putting money 185 00:06:50,714 --> 00:06:51,889 in his own pockets. 186 00:06:51,890 --> 00:06:53,107 - Yeah! - That's right! 187 00:06:53,108 --> 00:06:54,501 Are we just gonna sit here 188 00:06:54,502 --> 00:06:56,153 and let him break every rule of freedom? 189 00:06:56,154 --> 00:06:57,154 - No! - No way! 190 00:06:57,155 --> 00:06:58,287 Well, come on! 191 00:06:58,288 --> 00:06:59,418 Let's go get that son of a bitch. 192 00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:02,334 Yeah! [crowd clamoring] 193 00:07:02,335 --> 00:07:03,509 - [glass shattering] - Yeah! 194 00:07:03,510 --> 00:07:04,640 Come on! Come on, let's go get him! 195 00:07:04,641 --> 00:07:06,295 Come on, let's get him! 196 00:07:06,382 --> 00:07:08,819 - Let's go get him! - Come on, let's get him! 197 00:07:08,863 --> 00:07:10,647 [pounding on door] 198 00:07:10,691 --> 00:07:12,261 - Come on out, you piece of shit. 199 00:07:12,388 --> 00:07:13,781 We're unelecting you. 200 00:07:16,218 --> 00:07:18,220 [clamoring stops] 201 00:07:21,266 --> 00:07:23,573 Excuse me. Do you mind? 202 00:07:25,923 --> 00:07:28,573 - What the hell do you think you're doing, Garrison? 203 00:07:29,884 --> 00:07:32,103 I'm not doing anything. 204 00:07:32,104 --> 00:07:33,887 - Oh, so you haven't been looting the country 205 00:07:33,888 --> 00:07:35,106 and ruling by fear 206 00:07:35,193 --> 00:07:38,109 like some Middle Eastern tinpot dictator? 207 00:07:38,153 --> 00:07:39,981 No, I've been sitting here 208 00:07:40,111 --> 00:07:41,861 watching "White Lotus" with Rick. 209 00:07:44,681 --> 00:07:46,117 - But you got re-elected. 210 00:07:46,204 --> 00:07:48,685 - He hasn't been back to Washington in years. 211 00:07:48,729 --> 00:07:49,991 He gave all that up. 212 00:07:50,121 --> 00:07:51,340 He's been really good. 213 00:07:53,255 --> 00:07:55,475 But if he's here, 214 00:07:55,518 --> 00:07:57,520 then who's the retarded faggot 215 00:07:57,651 --> 00:07:59,696 in the White House? 216 00:07:59,740 --> 00:08:03,134 [lively string music] 217 00:08:03,265 --> 00:08:04,484 MAN: Uh-huh. 218 00:08:04,571 --> 00:08:06,050 Yeah. 219 00:08:06,137 --> 00:08:07,878 OK. 220 00:08:08,009 --> 00:08:10,577 - Mr. President, sir, the prime minister of Canada 221 00:08:10,707 --> 00:08:12,013 is here to see you. 222 00:08:12,143 --> 00:08:14,102 - Mr. President, why are you placing 223 00:08:14,145 --> 00:08:15,799 these new tariffs on Canada? 224 00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:18,105 What are you, some kind of dictator from the Middle East? 225 00:08:18,106 --> 00:08:20,325 ? 226 00:08:20,369 --> 00:08:22,240 - A dictator from the Middle East? 227 00:08:22,284 --> 00:08:23,981 Hey, relax, guy. 228 00:08:24,112 --> 00:08:26,462 I'm just your average Joe. Take a rest. 229 00:08:26,463 --> 00:08:29,116 - The people of Canada will not be devalued like this. 230 00:08:29,117 --> 00:08:30,466 Aw, come on. 231 00:08:30,467 --> 00:08:32,728 You don't want me to bomb you like I did Iraq. 232 00:08:32,729 --> 00:08:34,775 - I thought you just bombed Iran. 233 00:08:34,776 --> 00:08:36,340 Iran, Iraq-what the hell's the difference? 234 00:08:36,341 --> 00:08:37,821 Relax, guy. 235 00:08:37,952 --> 00:08:40,520 [humming happily] 236 00:08:40,607 --> 00:08:41,999 Hey! Hey! 237 00:08:42,130 --> 00:08:43,653 What the fuck is this, buddy? 238 00:08:43,784 --> 00:08:46,264 - This is the painting you asked for, sir. 239 00:08:46,395 --> 00:08:47,962 Why is my dick so small? 240 00:08:48,005 --> 00:08:50,355 - But that's the size it is in the photo. 241 00:08:50,399 --> 00:08:51,748 Get this guy out of here! 242 00:08:51,792 --> 00:08:52,923 I'm gonna sue you! 243 00:08:52,967 --> 00:08:54,272 I'm gonna sue both of you. 244 00:08:54,316 --> 00:08:55,366 Ha-ha-ha-ha! 245 00:08:58,886 --> 00:09:01,802 Nobody makes fun of me and gets away with it. 246 00:09:04,631 --> 00:09:06,371 Hey, Satan! 247 00:09:07,416 --> 00:09:08,765 I don't want to right now. 248 00:09:08,852 --> 00:09:10,941 What? Hey, relax. 249 00:09:10,942 --> 00:09:13,073 Come on, Satan. I've been working hard all day. 250 00:09:13,074 --> 00:09:14,684 You haven't been working. 251 00:09:14,685 --> 00:09:16,990 You've been doing your stupid memes and just fuckin' around. 252 00:09:16,991 --> 00:09:18,209 Come here, guy. 253 00:09:18,340 --> 00:09:19,646 Aw, come on, Satan. 254 00:09:19,776 --> 00:09:21,561 You know you can't resist this. 255 00:09:21,604 --> 00:09:23,214 ? 256 00:09:23,258 --> 00:09:25,521 - I can't even see anything, it's so small. 257 00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:27,175 Hey! I'll fucking sue you! 258 00:09:27,305 --> 00:09:29,220 God, fuck you! 259 00:09:29,307 --> 00:09:30,526 Aw, come on, Satan. 260 00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:31,701 Don't be like that. 261 00:10:06,170 --> 00:10:08,695 [sighs deeply] 262 00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:13,351 [ducks quacking] 263 00:10:20,010 --> 00:10:21,060 Eric? 264 00:10:22,839 --> 00:10:24,145 Come on, Eric. 265 00:10:24,275 --> 00:10:26,495 You-you can't keep doing this to yourself. 266 00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:29,498 I used to laugh, Butters. 267 00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:31,456 I used to have fun. 268 00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:33,197 But now they've taken that away. 269 00:10:35,286 --> 00:10:38,507 I'm not special anymore. 270 00:10:38,550 --> 00:10:40,901 So what's the point in me even existing? 271 00:10:41,031 --> 00:10:42,467 Eric, what are you saying? 272 00:10:42,511 --> 00:10:45,906 - I'm saying that it's the end, Butters. 273 00:10:46,036 --> 00:10:47,734 I'm gonna kill myself, 274 00:10:47,864 --> 00:10:49,257 and you. 275 00:10:49,258 --> 00:10:51,301 Wait, me? 276 00:10:51,302 --> 00:10:52,826 It's a suicide pact, Butters. 277 00:10:52,827 --> 00:10:54,087 It's just best we end it now. 278 00:10:54,088 --> 00:10:55,263 No, Eric, listen to me. 279 00:10:55,393 --> 00:10:56,873 Woke isn't dead. 280 00:10:56,874 --> 00:10:58,657 It's still out there, somewhere, 281 00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:00,224 just waiting to come back. 282 00:11:00,225 --> 00:11:02,748 - It's not coming back. - It's waiting to come back! 283 00:11:02,749 --> 00:11:05,054 It's like a little tiny light that's gonna shine again. 284 00:11:05,055 --> 00:11:06,490 You just gotta give it some time. 285 00:11:06,491 --> 00:11:07,623 [sighs] 286 00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:09,277 I hope you're right, Butters. 287 00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:12,280 But if it doesn't come back by, like, Tuesday, 288 00:11:12,323 --> 00:11:13,673 I'm killing us both. 289 00:11:18,634 --> 00:11:21,071 - Mr. Marsh, I've called you into my office 290 00:11:21,072 --> 00:11:23,116 because I understand that you have a problem 291 00:11:23,117 --> 00:11:25,510 with Jesus in our schools. 292 00:11:25,641 --> 00:11:27,643 [ethereal music] 293 00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:29,558 - I don't have a problem with it. 294 00:11:29,559 --> 00:11:31,211 I mean, I think it's kind of weird. 295 00:11:31,212 --> 00:11:33,256 - Well, Mr. Mackey says you were bullying Jesus 296 00:11:33,257 --> 00:11:36,347 and wouldn't let him sit at your table in the cafeteria. 297 00:11:36,391 --> 00:11:38,132 What? I didn't bully him. 298 00:11:38,219 --> 00:11:40,569 Craig told him our table was full, which it was. 299 00:11:40,570 --> 00:11:43,049 - Mr. Marsh, Christ died for your sins, and he loves us all. 300 00:11:43,050 --> 00:11:45,580 There's only one truth, one cross, and one savior. 301 00:11:45,661 --> 00:11:47,411 And you will find him in your heart. 302 00:11:48,795 --> 00:11:49,926 PC Principal? 303 00:11:49,970 --> 00:11:51,798 - Power Christian Principal, yes? 304 00:11:51,928 --> 00:11:53,016 What happened? 305 00:11:54,452 --> 00:11:56,890 - What-what happened with what? 306 00:11:57,020 --> 00:11:59,010 - Well, you used to be, like, super woke. 307 00:11:59,011 --> 00:12:00,675 And then starting last November, 308 00:12:00,676 --> 00:12:02,112 you started acting weird. 309 00:12:02,156 --> 00:12:04,593 And now you're super Christian. 310 00:12:04,636 --> 00:12:10,033 - I just realized that the side I was on was hopeless. 311 00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:12,949 And in times of hopelessness, one finds Christ. 312 00:12:12,993 --> 00:12:15,038 Come to him, all who are heavy laden, 313 00:12:15,039 --> 00:12:17,518 - and he shall give you rest. - And I shall give you rest. 314 00:12:17,519 --> 00:12:18,825 Dude, what's going on? 315 00:12:18,826 --> 00:12:20,347 Like, none of this seems normal. 316 00:12:20,348 --> 00:12:21,609 That's the kind of attitude 317 00:12:21,610 --> 00:12:23,437 we are not gonna tolerate at this school! 318 00:12:23,438 --> 00:12:25,439 And, Mr. Marsh, if you don't accept Christ, 319 00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:27,921 then I'm gonna have to expel you. 320 00:12:28,051 --> 00:12:29,921 - K, I'm pretty sure you can't do that. 321 00:12:29,922 --> 00:12:31,401 Like, I think that's illegal. 322 00:12:31,402 --> 00:12:33,360 - No, Mr. Marsh, it's not illegal anymore. 323 00:12:33,361 --> 00:12:35,363 This is 2025, K? 324 00:12:35,406 --> 00:12:36,625 And not much is illegal. 325 00:12:38,059 --> 00:12:40,933 - I accept Christ into my heart. 326 00:12:40,934 --> 00:12:42,544 And into your school. 327 00:12:42,631 --> 00:12:43,850 And in my school. 328 00:12:43,851 --> 00:12:45,372 - And at your table in the cafeteria. 329 00:12:45,373 --> 00:12:47,854 - There wasn't any room at my table-ah. 330 00:12:47,984 --> 00:12:49,769 And at my table in the cafeteria. 331 00:12:49,856 --> 00:12:52,032 Yay. 332 00:12:52,033 --> 00:12:53,162 [upbeat funky music] 333 00:12:53,163 --> 00:12:54,425 ? Oh! ? 334 00:12:54,426 --> 00:12:55,556 ? Faith in Christ ? 335 00:12:55,557 --> 00:12:57,689 ? ? 336 00:12:57,820 --> 00:12:59,387 ? We're bringing back Christ ? 337 00:12:59,517 --> 00:13:01,432 ? ? 338 00:13:01,519 --> 00:13:03,217 ? There's money in Christ ? 339 00:13:03,260 --> 00:13:05,219 ? 340 00:13:05,262 --> 00:13:07,221 ? Bringing back Christ 341 00:13:07,264 --> 00:13:10,224 ? 342 00:13:10,311 --> 00:13:11,616 ? Christ makes the money ? 343 00:13:11,660 --> 00:13:13,836 ? Christ makes the money 344 00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,098 ? Christ makes the money 345 00:13:15,229 --> 00:13:16,489 ? Christ makes the money ? 346 00:13:16,534 --> 00:13:17,666 ? ? 347 00:13:17,667 --> 00:13:19,536 - Mr. President, a lot of your supporters 348 00:13:19,537 --> 00:13:21,016 are starting to turn against you. 349 00:13:21,017 --> 00:13:22,932 - Hey, tell them to take a rest. 350 00:13:22,933 --> 00:13:24,803 - Sir, can you please talk to them? 351 00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:26,414 They're really riled up. 352 00:13:26,457 --> 00:13:27,676 All right, give me that. 353 00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:29,678 Hey, relax, guys. 354 00:13:29,721 --> 00:13:32,159 - Yeah, hi, uh, what do you think you're doing? 355 00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:34,508 Our children are being told that they have to sit 356 00:13:34,509 --> 00:13:35,989 with Jesus at lunchtime. 357 00:13:36,119 --> 00:13:38,109 - Listen, buddy, you just need to relax. 358 00:13:38,110 --> 00:13:39,600 All this protesting makes me look bad. 359 00:13:39,601 --> 00:13:40,994 Just take a rest. 360 00:13:40,995 --> 00:13:42,995 - Well, no, we're not gonna give it a rest. 361 00:13:42,996 --> 00:13:44,474 All the people here in South Park 362 00:13:44,475 --> 00:13:46,347 want some goddamn answers. 363 00:13:46,348 --> 00:13:48,652 - All right, then I'm gonna sue your whole town. 364 00:13:48,653 --> 00:13:50,873 You got that? $5 billion. 365 00:13:51,004 --> 00:13:52,614 Ha-ha-ha-ha! 366 00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,486 What'd he say? 367 00:13:55,573 --> 00:13:57,924 - He said he's suing us for $5 billion. 368 00:14:00,665 --> 00:14:01,928 Fucking stupid idiots. 369 00:14:02,015 --> 00:14:03,799 Think they can mess with me, huh? 370 00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:06,584 [lively string music] 371 00:14:06,628 --> 00:14:08,151 Hey, Satan. 372 00:14:08,282 --> 00:14:10,110 - I'm not in the mood right now. 373 00:14:10,153 --> 00:14:12,677 Another random bitch commented on my Instagram 374 00:14:12,721 --> 00:14:14,375 that you're on the Epstein list. 375 00:14:14,505 --> 00:14:15,680 The Epstein list? 376 00:14:15,681 --> 00:14:17,246 Are we still talking "aboot" that? 377 00:14:17,247 --> 00:14:19,032 - Well, are you on the list or not? 378 00:14:19,033 --> 00:14:20,728 It's weird that whenever it comes up, 379 00:14:20,729 --> 00:14:22,513 you just tell everyone to relax. 380 00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:24,428 - I'm not telling everyone to relax. 381 00:14:24,472 --> 00:14:26,126 Relax, guy! 382 00:14:26,256 --> 00:14:28,606 No, I need counseling. 383 00:14:28,607 --> 00:14:30,564 You remind me more and more of this other guy 384 00:14:30,565 --> 00:14:32,523 I used to date, like, a lot. 385 00:14:32,610 --> 00:14:35,048 Like, you guys are exactly alike. 386 00:14:35,091 --> 00:14:38,094 ? 387 00:14:38,181 --> 00:14:40,096 I love you. 388 00:14:40,140 --> 00:14:41,489 Ugh. 389 00:14:41,619 --> 00:14:43,230 Come on, Satan. 390 00:14:46,146 --> 00:14:47,669 - Vroom! Pew! 391 00:14:47,756 --> 00:14:48,844 Oh, no! 392 00:14:48,845 --> 00:14:50,453 [imitating explosion] Vroom! 393 00:14:50,454 --> 00:14:52,934 - Butters, honey, your little friend Cartman is here. 394 00:14:52,935 --> 00:14:55,154 He said it's Tuesday, and you guys have plans. 395 00:14:55,155 --> 00:14:56,547 [ominous music] 396 00:14:56,548 --> 00:14:57,678 Eric? 397 00:14:57,679 --> 00:14:58,941 Oh, no. 398 00:14:58,985 --> 00:15:01,378 Well, um, can you tell him I'm not home? 399 00:15:01,509 --> 00:15:04,120 Butters, don't be antisocial. 400 00:15:04,207 --> 00:15:05,861 Go play with your friend. 401 00:15:05,992 --> 00:15:08,646 He's out in the garage playing in our car with a hose. 402 00:15:09,647 --> 00:15:10,697 Oh, no! 403 00:15:15,784 --> 00:15:17,742 Oh, God, Eric! 404 00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:20,118 Hey, Butters, come on in. 405 00:15:20,136 --> 00:15:22,399 Eric, no! Get out of there! 406 00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:23,443 That side's locked, Butters. 407 00:15:23,444 --> 00:15:25,014 You gotta get on the other side. 408 00:15:26,281 --> 00:15:29,405 - Eric, you don't have to do this! 409 00:15:29,406 --> 00:15:30,363 - Close the door, Butters! - You can't give up- 410 00:15:30,364 --> 00:15:31,407 - You're letting all the fumes out! 411 00:15:31,408 --> 00:15:33,541 - Shut the fucking door! - OK, fine! 412 00:15:33,542 --> 00:15:35,455 You can't just give up like everyone else has. 413 00:15:35,456 --> 00:15:36,631 Butters, it's over. 414 00:15:36,632 --> 00:15:37,936 You really wanna sit around for weeks 415 00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:39,590 waiting for a slow demise? 416 00:15:39,591 --> 00:15:41,156 - Well, no. - Well, neither do I! 417 00:15:41,157 --> 00:15:42,463 This is taking too long. 418 00:15:42,506 --> 00:15:43,681 [inhaling] 419 00:15:43,725 --> 00:15:45,031 Here you go, Butters. 420 00:15:45,118 --> 00:15:46,928 Buckle up. We're in for the last ride. 421 00:15:48,251 --> 00:15:50,123 All right, fine. 422 00:15:50,166 --> 00:15:51,733 [inhaling] 423 00:15:51,776 --> 00:15:53,822 Suck it in, Butters. 424 00:15:53,823 --> 00:15:55,431 We're heading for that big woke kingdom in the sky. 425 00:15:55,432 --> 00:15:56,956 OK, then. 426 00:15:56,999 --> 00:15:58,049 [inhales] 427 00:16:01,221 --> 00:16:03,832 [clock ticking] 428 00:16:03,875 --> 00:16:05,529 HOST: This is "60 Minutes." 429 00:16:05,616 --> 00:16:06,966 Oh, boy. 430 00:16:07,009 --> 00:16:08,141 Oh, shit. 431 00:16:09,359 --> 00:16:11,448 Uh, oh, God. 432 00:16:11,579 --> 00:16:13,929 The small town of South Park, Colorado 433 00:16:14,060 --> 00:16:16,366 is protesting against the president. 434 00:16:16,367 --> 00:16:18,454 The townspeople claim that the president- 435 00:16:18,455 --> 00:16:19,979 who is a great man- 436 00:16:20,022 --> 00:16:21,415 - A great man. - Great guy. 437 00:16:21,416 --> 00:16:23,024 We know he's probably watching. 438 00:16:23,025 --> 00:16:26,420 And, uh, we are just reporting on this town in Colorado 439 00:16:26,463 --> 00:16:28,273 that's being sued by the president 440 00:16:28,378 --> 00:16:30,032 and they are fighting back. 441 00:16:30,033 --> 00:16:31,772 - And just to be clear, we don't agree with them. 442 00:16:31,773 --> 00:16:33,122 No, no, no, no. 443 00:16:33,123 --> 00:16:35,210 We think these protesters are total retards. 444 00:16:35,211 --> 00:16:37,300 But our own Jim Conner has more. 445 00:16:37,431 --> 00:16:39,650 - Uh-oh, God. 446 00:16:39,737 --> 00:16:42,175 Uh-uh, Tom, I'm here with the townspeople 447 00:16:42,176 --> 00:16:43,740 speaking out against the president. 448 00:16:43,741 --> 00:16:45,743 It all started when a father got upset 449 00:16:45,874 --> 00:16:48,485 that Jesus was being forced on his son at school. 450 00:16:48,486 --> 00:16:51,052 Young Stan Marsh is questioning the president's policies. 451 00:16:51,053 --> 00:16:52,707 I don't know. 452 00:16:52,708 --> 00:16:54,099 You know, I don't know why he's questioning the president. 453 00:16:54,100 --> 00:16:55,970 He's probably a faggot or something. 454 00:16:55,971 --> 00:16:59,496 But the townspeople say they owe the president nothing. 455 00:16:59,627 --> 00:17:02,325 - We aren't gonna be told what to do by anyone. 456 00:17:02,412 --> 00:17:04,545 - We all know the woke stuff went too far, 457 00:17:04,675 --> 00:17:07,330 but the answer isn't going too far the other way. 458 00:17:07,331 --> 00:17:10,289 - It's not a bad thing to have a little compassion for people. 459 00:17:10,290 --> 00:17:13,118 It's not a bad thing to care a little for the environment. 460 00:17:13,119 --> 00:17:14,554 The Stotch family is proud to say 461 00:17:14,555 --> 00:17:16,818 that we own an electric car. 462 00:17:22,215 --> 00:17:23,651 [sighs deeply] 463 00:17:25,435 --> 00:17:27,872 - Boy, this sure is taking a long time. 464 00:17:27,916 --> 00:17:30,353 - Yeah, the human body does everything it can 465 00:17:30,484 --> 00:17:32,660 in the final stages to try and cling to life. 466 00:17:32,703 --> 00:17:34,575 Shouldn't be much longer now. 467 00:17:34,576 --> 00:17:36,010 JIM CONNER: Things are really heating up 468 00:17:36,011 --> 00:17:37,752 in the small town of South Park. 469 00:17:37,882 --> 00:17:40,668 More and more citizens are uniting in solidarity 470 00:17:40,798 --> 00:17:43,540 against what they call the president's oppression. 471 00:17:43,541 --> 00:17:46,325 The townspeople are saying things are never hopeless, 472 00:17:46,326 --> 00:17:48,110 that they must all stand strong 473 00:17:48,241 --> 00:17:49,441 for what they believe in. 474 00:17:49,503 --> 00:17:51,766 - We're in this for the long haul, guys. 475 00:17:51,896 --> 00:17:53,594 This is about what's right. 476 00:17:53,724 --> 00:17:57,293 And we will fight, even if we have to do it alone. 477 00:17:57,380 --> 00:18:00,340 [fireworks exploding] 478 00:18:00,470 --> 00:18:02,472 - Wait, we don't have to do it alone. 479 00:18:02,516 --> 00:18:03,691 Look! 480 00:18:05,823 --> 00:18:06,911 [cheering] 481 00:18:07,042 --> 00:18:08,652 It's Jesus! 482 00:18:08,739 --> 00:18:11,307 [cheering] 483 00:18:11,351 --> 00:18:13,918 [ethereal music] 484 00:18:14,049 --> 00:18:15,355 Let us break bread. 485 00:18:15,485 --> 00:18:17,835 Break bread with me. 486 00:18:17,966 --> 00:18:21,274 This is my body, given for you. 487 00:18:21,317 --> 00:18:23,928 Do this in remembrance of me. 488 00:18:27,541 --> 00:18:29,891 Now just eat the bread, and listen. 489 00:18:31,849 --> 00:18:34,461 I didn't wanna come back and be in the school, 490 00:18:34,591 --> 00:18:37,420 but I had to because it was part of a lawsuit 491 00:18:37,551 --> 00:18:39,466 and the agreement with Paramount. 492 00:18:40,815 --> 00:18:42,425 The president's suing you? 493 00:18:42,426 --> 00:18:44,383 - [clenched teeth] The guy can do whatever he wants now 494 00:18:44,384 --> 00:18:46,212 that someone backed down, OK? 495 00:18:46,342 --> 00:18:47,778 Eat the bread. Eat the bread. 496 00:18:49,171 --> 00:18:51,347 You guys saw what happened to CBS? 497 00:18:51,391 --> 00:18:53,393 Yeah, well, guess who owns CBS? 498 00:18:53,523 --> 00:18:55,003 Paramount! 499 00:18:55,004 --> 00:18:57,091 Do you really wanna end up like Colbert? 500 00:18:57,092 --> 00:19:00,182 You guys gotta stop being stupid. 501 00:19:00,313 --> 00:19:02,228 We can't understand you. 502 00:19:02,229 --> 00:19:03,576 - [clenched teeth] Just shut up, 503 00:19:03,577 --> 00:19:06,014 or we're going to get canceled, you idiots. 504 00:19:06,015 --> 00:19:07,493 - [MUFFLED] What the hell is he saying? 505 00:19:07,494 --> 00:19:10,540 - Tom, they're calling it the Sermon on the Mount. 506 00:19:10,671 --> 00:19:13,674 Hundreds of South Park faithful are flocking to the area 507 00:19:13,717 --> 00:19:17,460 where Jesus Christ continues to speak his words of wisdom. 508 00:19:17,461 --> 00:19:19,635 - [clenched teeth] If someone has the power of the presidency 509 00:19:19,636 --> 00:19:22,291 and also has the power to sue and take bribes, 510 00:19:22,422 --> 00:19:25,381 then he can do anything to anyone! 511 00:19:25,425 --> 00:19:27,470 It's the fucking president, dude. 512 00:19:27,514 --> 00:19:30,169 All of you, shut the fuck up, or South Park is over. 513 00:19:30,256 --> 00:19:31,605 It's fucking over. 514 00:19:31,692 --> 00:19:33,737 Just stop and shut the fuck up. 515 00:19:36,218 --> 00:19:37,698 KYLE'S DAD: Ye-yes, sir. 516 00:19:37,741 --> 00:19:39,352 OK. 517 00:19:39,395 --> 00:19:40,831 Absolutely. 518 00:19:40,918 --> 00:19:42,398 Yes, thank you, Mr. President. 519 00:19:42,485 --> 00:19:44,357 We'll be happy to pay that, sir. 520 00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:45,575 Yes, sir. I- 521 00:19:45,619 --> 00:19:48,230 I will relax, and I'll take a rest. 522 00:19:48,231 --> 00:19:49,230 Yes, thank you. 523 00:19:49,231 --> 00:19:50,319 Thank you very much. 524 00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:53,627 [sighs] OK, we settled. 525 00:19:53,628 --> 00:19:55,062 - [sighing in relief] - Oh, we settled. 526 00:19:55,063 --> 00:19:56,282 Thank God. 527 00:19:56,325 --> 00:19:59,372 I got the president down to $3.5 million. 528 00:19:59,502 --> 00:20:01,809 - $3.5 million? That's-that's not so bad. 529 00:20:01,810 --> 00:20:03,810 - That's really fair. I think that's fair. 530 00:20:03,811 --> 00:20:05,464 We'll just have to cut some funding 531 00:20:05,465 --> 00:20:07,858 for our schools and hospitals and roads, 532 00:20:07,902 --> 00:20:09,643 - and that should be that. - Yeah. 533 00:20:09,686 --> 00:20:10,896 - OK. [crowd murmuring] 534 00:20:10,948 --> 00:20:13,081 - Yeah, well, that's not quite all. 535 00:20:13,168 --> 00:20:15,518 As part of the settlement, we also had to agree 536 00:20:15,649 --> 00:20:18,695 to doing pro-Trump messaging. 537 00:20:18,696 --> 00:20:20,914 - How are we supposed to do pro-Trump messaging? 538 00:20:20,915 --> 00:20:22,221 Oh, come on, guys. 539 00:20:22,264 --> 00:20:23,314 We're South Park! 540 00:20:23,396 --> 00:20:24,484 We can do it. 541 00:20:24,485 --> 00:20:26,049 - Yeah. All right. - He's right. 542 00:20:26,050 --> 00:20:27,920 - We just gotta work together. - Yeah! 543 00:20:27,965 --> 00:20:29,445 - All right! - Yeah! Yeah! 544 00:20:29,489 --> 00:20:31,447 [sustained beep] 545 00:20:31,491 --> 00:20:34,711 [poignant music] 546 00:20:34,712 --> 00:20:37,104 NARRATOR: Who walked through the desert for you? 547 00:20:37,105 --> 00:20:39,673 ? ? 548 00:20:39,716 --> 00:20:41,501 Who survived the wilderness 549 00:20:41,631 --> 00:20:44,591 and gave the ultimate sacrifice? 550 00:20:44,721 --> 00:20:48,421 When things heat up, who will deliver us from temptation? 551 00:20:48,464 --> 00:20:50,988 ? 552 00:20:51,032 --> 00:20:53,295 Donald J. Trump. 553 00:20:53,426 --> 00:20:54,731 ? ? 554 00:20:54,862 --> 00:20:58,561 No matter how hot it gets, 555 00:20:58,648 --> 00:21:02,130 he's not afraid to fight for America. 556 00:21:03,653 --> 00:21:06,961 With conviction, discipline, and trust in God, 557 00:21:07,091 --> 00:21:09,442 he survived the desert. 558 00:21:09,485 --> 00:21:16,405 ? 559 00:21:18,973 --> 00:21:21,683 PENIS: I'm Donald J. Trump, and I endorse this message. 560 00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:25,022 NARRATOR: Trump- 561 00:21:25,153 --> 00:21:27,503 his penis is teeny tiny, 562 00:21:27,590 --> 00:21:30,332 but his love for us is large. 563 00:21:30,463 --> 00:21:37,296 ? ? 564 00:21:45,129 --> 00:21:48,176 Oh, I think I might be going. 565 00:21:48,263 --> 00:21:50,570 CARTMAN: Yep, sweet death is about to come. 566 00:21:50,700 --> 00:21:51,750 I love you, man. 567 00:21:54,922 --> 00:21:57,794 [theme music] 568 00:21:57,925 --> 00:22:04,714 ? ? 569 00:22:04,764 --> 00:22:09,314 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 39683

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