All language subtitles for Roast on the Coast - Norway S01E06.en-us.dialog.subtitle

Martin Lepperød.

"Lip o' red" and curly head.

Dear Martin.

"Film me now.
Pissing myself is humor, right?"

"Look at me now!"

It's my day today.

Martin has had a rich and varied career.

-Is this your pee?
-Yeah, it's my pee.

And he's not ashamed of anything.

Roasting Martin will be fun.

No!

Do you like this?

ROAST ON THE COAST
NORWAY

It's my day today,
and I've chosen to give the group a gift.

To start the day off right,
I want to try to reset us all a bit.

Roasting Martin is good.

He's been tough on the others,
and now it's time to put him in his place.

Start by forming a circle around me.

I know Martin very well.
The kid from Nesodden.

-He's from Nesodden?
-Yes, which explains a lot.

Stand a little closer in a circle.

-Really close to you?
-Around me.

A circle. Shit, what a fucking
difficult bunch to deal with.

-It's a circle.
-Now pinch each other's earlobes.

I have only one arm.

-That is a problem.
-Can't we lift it up?

Shit, I have such… Fuck.

-Like this.
-Bad luck.

That'll have to do.

How will I reach your ear
with that paw on my shoulder?

I hadn't thought of that.

I feel like I'm sinking.

Lisa, close your eyes.

Do you mind if I only close one eye?
I can't close the other.

-Not nice, Martin.
-I didn't think of that.

Fuck. What a disabled bunch.

I have a heart condition
and I'm really stressed now.

I have calcifications in my left shoulder,
so my arm hurts.

How do you do it?

Close your eyes, Otto Boy.

Throat singing has never impressed me.

Otto speaks in throat singing.

This really calms me down.

The world's longest burp.

-There is something sick here.
-Now I'm calm.

This whole week has been sort of
a steep learning curve when it comes to

getting an insight into his psyche.

I'm brain damaged. I get naked,
I fuck pies, I pee myself.

I told the whole bunch
that nothing is off-limits.

It's the last night, so whoever wins today
will win the whole season.

Dear Martin.

You are the only comedian in the country
who has profited from your fear of death.

Personally, I'm afraid
of horses and flying.

But I haven't made it
the recurrent theme in my career.

It's irrational to be afraid of
something as inevitable as death.

Something that everyone
will experience at some point.

There are plenty of other things to fear.
Climate change, book audits.

Or even worse, having to listen to
Nora Svenningsen talk about her sex life.

So when I leave early,
it's not to go masturbate in my room.

I'm going to pop some Oxazepam
and down half a bottle of whisky

to calm my mental discomfort.

What exactly are you afraid of?

As we all know, the best die first.

Which means you're in no danger,
as a comedian, husband, or dog owner.

I could, of course, address the fact
that you keep undressing.

You get naked
in alcohol-related social settings

and whenever you see a TV camera,

but I'll leave that
to the psychiatrists and the legal system.

You're a funny comedian
and during our stay here in Cyprus,

you have occasionally made me laugh.

That was a bit hard to admit.

But…

But I'm far from the person
who laughs the most at you.

That's would undoubtedly be yourself.

Many comedians
are their own biggest critic,

but you seem to be your own biggest fan.

And for those of us
who lose the thread in your flow of words,

it helps that you usually start laughing
at your own jokes

long before the punchline.

It gives everyone clear sign that
Lepperød is about to deliver something.

-You are afraid of dying.
-Yes.

But you're a cold bastard when it comes
to killing your own career.

Shows like Bislett bnb,
Orion and Førstemann

cannot be interpreted as anything other
than a desperate attempt to euthanize

a comedy career by a comedian
who is already bored with himself

a third of the way through his life.

And to all of you TV executives out there,

can you please stop giving this guy
any more chances?

He doesn't want it anymore.
We don't want it anymore.

It's a very tough start.

Roasting Martin was actually
pretty satisfying, because…

during the week I've gotten to know him.

Before this, I didn't know who he was.

Please welcome Nora Svenningsen!

This will be good.

Martin Lepperød.

Dan Børge Akerø sums up your career
so nicely and accurately.

Yes.

Martin, you are everything
I want to be, unfortunately.

Ugly tattoos, often naked,

childish, clumsy,

a pretty nice body, if you're blind.

No.

A friend of mine had sex with you.

Yes.

Yes, that was… Yes.

I asked around in the comedy community
and gathered some stories,

and then I compiled them
into a small book.

These are stories
about how Martin truly is.

Oh, there's a lock on it. How nice
for someone a bit disabled. What's this?

There.

"In Karpe's Footsteps."

"Once upon a time Martin
was putting on his own solo show."

"During the management meeting,
they asked Martin how he wanted to do it."

"Martin answered,
'Why don't we do it like Karpe?'"

"Karpe, who sold out the Spektrum
ten times in one month."

I have to ask, Martin, do you feel
you're on the same level as Karpe?

Do you really feel that you're up there?

That that stupid bamboo stick
you had in your ear

should be at the National Museum
along with "Heisann Montebello"?

Do you think Chirag would fuck a pie?

Nora's joke about me
wanting to do my show like Karpe's,

I told her that in confidence and that she
should never use it against me. Fuck her.

Your suitcase, Martin.

-Pie.
-Pie.

-Lots of strange things.
-Martin, just one thing.

I had never heard of you
before I came here.

Why don't you take me through your career?

Choose the funniest parts.

Which had a big audience.

You've had sex with a pie.

I have.

-Let's start there.
-Yes.

Martin has had a rich and varied career.

-Is this your pee?
-Yeah, it's my pee.

And he's never embarrassed.

And he's not ashamed of anything.

The pie became a bigger thing
than I had planned.

-Okay.
-I filled the Spektrum with it.

Thank you.

People like Martin are fun,
those who accept and do everything.

He's a yes-person.

"How about you have sex with a pie?"
"Yes, cool!"

I find things like that funny.

So I enjoyed the pie-fucking.

I love listening to Martin talk
about his career and how shameless he is.

That he's like, "This is what I do,
I fuck pies and…

I pee myself."

A roast is about embarrassing people.

It's pretty difficult to embarrass me.

"Lip o' red" and curly head.

No.

Martin Lepperød.

Sometimes new comedy talents emerge
who are so charming,

funny and charismatic

that they take an entire nation by storm.

Other times we get people like you.

Yeah.

You filled the Spektrum.
You named the show "For The Last Time."

How original, Martin.

No.

You didn't do anything new either.
Just stood there munching on old poop.

Even the meat hooks
you were to be hoisted up on

refused to touch
that joke of a body of yours.

You should've gotten a big mirror
and looked yourself in the eye

while you wanked your penis purple,

came in your own face,
and let the sperm mix with your tears.

No, Martin, this is a roast,
not ideas for your new show.

Lisa did a parody of me

where she just went…

That was hurtful.

You lack impulse control
and have a very high-pitched voice.

Shrill. You're a bit like
a baby with colic,

I feel.

I don't know whether to breastfeed
or smother you.

I saw you were in the papers
a little while ago, Martin.

You're suddenly politically engaged.

No.

"Martin Lepperød rages
against the royal family."

Martin Lepperød who just…

That was embarrassing.
Really embarrassing, Martin.

No!

Give me a hug.

Roasting Martin was a lot of fun.

Really, a lot of fun.

I'm not a political comedian.
Lisa using that against me today…

was really embarrassing.

-This is unpleasant.
-Maybe we should send you away.

I want to finish.

-Thank you.
-Okay, Martin.

I hate talking about my career
with this group.

Just because I think it's really boring.

But this woman's pantyhose…

Yes!

Martin gets aroused
by people wearing a pantyhose.

Then he fantasizes about ripping it up.

-Is this part of a fetish?
-Yes, he's turned on by pantyhose.

That's right.

His fear of death is probably also about
the fact that he lost his sister

when he was young.

She died of cancer.

-Is anyone gonna joke about that?
-Yeah.

I can't wait to hear your joke now.

About his sister? Me too.

He loves attention anyway,
so he'll enjoy it.

I'm guessing that some of them
will mention my dead sister.

It's been mentioned in other roasts
that I've been milking her death.

If Steinar can pull that off,

in a good way, I'll applaud that.

I think I'm gonna nail it. It's exciting.

Dear Martin.

We've become such good friends
on this trip to Cyprus.

No, we haven't.

You're a big baby, Martin.
I hope you're aware of that.

You are a big baby. You think it's comedy

to piss yourself.

"Look at me. I'm pissing myself."

"This is comedy, right? Film me now!"

"Isn't this comedy? This is comedy!"

"This is is comedy."

You've spoken openly and honestly about

your sister dying of cancer
when you were just ten years old.

You shared this
on Erik Follestad's podcast.

Was there anything about that in her will?

"My last wish

is that Martin, after my death,
will talk about me

on some retired hockey player's podcast."

Do you think she wanted that?

Your family told you
that your sister died of cancer,

but the truth is
that she moved to a secret place

to get a break from you.

But we are very lucky here tonight,
ladies and gentlemen, please welcome

Martin's sister!

Steinar's joke about my dead sister…

ten out of ten.

There are a lot of fun things about you
because you're married.

That you are married is incredible.

Someone, or Maren, as her name is,

has voluntarily agreed to tentatively
share the rest of her life with you.

Good luck, Maren!

MAREN
MARTIN'S WIFE

Your wedding was a huge success.

More than 100 guests. Most of them
were there to comfort your wife.

Just hang in there, Maren. You can do it.
It's bound to get better.

Your sister decided early that this
was a wedding she wouldn't attend.

During the P3 fundraiser
you were hung by two meat hooks,

a challenge to get the listeners to give
money to the World Wide Fund for Nature.

"I was hanging from two fish hooks,"
you said incorrectly.

Because it wasn't a cod
hanging from those hooks, Martin.

It was a 100-kilo doughy idiot.

It was fun roasting Martin.

He's always happy, so that went well.

-Come with me, guys.
-Okay.

-How nice!
-What in the world is this?

This is perhaps the activity
I have been most afraid of.

This will be messy. He's a messy boy.

This is a couples' massage.

And this isn't just any massage.

It's a chocolate massage.

Now, I'm a little, "Okay…"

You come here,
and it's kind of fun playing a character.

Being a little positive.

But now, both my character

and I are getting grumpy.

Have you been trying to be positive?

I haven't noticed that.

"I haven't noticed that."

I don't like people touching my body,
so this is going to suck.

-You're so stiff, Nora.
-Yes.

I'm disabled, so everything is stiff.

-Does being disabled make you stiff?
-Yes.

It's like decorating
the world's biggest wedding cake.

You're not the first to call me that.

I thought Otto would disapprove of this,
but he's getting right to it.

Is this part of the reason
why you've never said yes to reality TV?

Yes. You might say that.

-Have your worst fears somehow come true?
-To a large extent.

I don't know if that's allowed, Martin.

I thought chocolate on the face
would be fine,

but it was really not nice.

This is not good for you in any way.

The most fun part of the experience
was Steinar getting a surprise.

That was dangerously close to blackface.

You've had a great career.

But I'm afraid it's over now.

You know what? I don't know what to feel.
Pleasant, disgusting, terrifying.

-We're finished now, right?
-Yes.

-You're being negative again.
-I got scared.

Scared of the consequences.

I do think Martin is funny,

but I think the older guys
are getting a little fed up.

During the roast, if I see that Martin

is feeling a little
embarrassed or self-critical

about what he's been doing
the last few years,

then I have succeeded.

It feels wrong to roast you, Martin.

You are such a good boy.
You've gotten so big.

You can't possibly be
more than 11 years old,

so this feels a bit like child abuse.

This has been tough on you so far,

so I will try to make this experience
a little easier for you.

You said, when you were a guest

on Martha Leivestad's sex podcast,
Høvla øve,

that there was one thing you get
more excited about than anything else.

No.

What could it be?

Pantyhose.

And you like them a little ripped,
don't you?

There. Do you like this?

Do you?

So if this gets too painful…

you can just look at this.

You sick man!

I have been very worried

about what it would be like
living with you for a week.

At any time, you could come
rushing down the stairs

in a shopping cart, covered in liver pâté,

while being chased by three stray dogs,

yelling, "Look at me now!"

Unfortunately, we've seen you
for a week now.

And after this,
we'll hopefully never see you again.

I was at your wedding.

In the middle of your own wedding dinner,

with 80 guests,

you pulled down your pants

and your underwear,

and started doing the helicopter
with your dick at the table.

But that wasn't surprising.

What was surprising

was to see the faces
of your closest family.

While the penis of their son and brother

was swinging around and around
in their faces,

like a tiny little propeller…

they looked so proud and happy.

Your parents,

all of your siblings, your in-laws,
including a seven-year-old boy.

I was a little happy too,
because it made me realize

that your parents will always
be proud of you no matter what you do.

The atmosphere was really great at dinner,
but for dessert we had pie.

And when your father ran into the kitchen
and shouted, "Look at me now,"

I ran as fast as I could.

Thanks for letting me roast you, Martin.
It's nice to be here with you.

You're a good comedian and person.
You have that little extra…

chromosome.

Thank you.

I didn't expect my pantyhose fetish
to be used against me.

I did not see that one coming.

First of all, I want to thank you
for the roasts.

Honestly, it was both fun
and a little hurtful at times.

And Magnus, never stop wearing pantyhose.

I won't.

Otto, after you said
that I had made you laugh,

I stopped listening to your roast.

So that was great, thank you.

And to the rest of you,
fuck you very much!

It's great to be roasted by
such clever, mean, and funny people.

I have the honor
of awarding the last point,

and deciding who the winner
of Roast on the Coast is.

The person I have chosen as the winner
is the person

who, throughout the week,

has been the funniest,

has been solidly good all the way,

has been the best prepared,

and is the most brain damaged.

Ladies and gentlemen,
give a big round of applause

to the winner of Roast on the Coast…

Magnus Devold!

Thank you, Martin!

Yes!

-I'm going to regret this.
-You're high on victory now.

It's a well-deserved win.

I didn't expect this.

Magnus is the obvious winner,
in my book.

The roaster of the year
on Roast on the Coast.

Magnus's win was well-deserved.

The obvious winner.

It feels so good to win.

On the first day, I said
that comedy isn't a competition…

unless I win, in which case it could be.