All language subtitles for Roast on the Coast - Norway S01E02.en-us.dialog.subtitle

-Yeah!
-Otto!

Otto, you old whore!

Yuck! You're a cradle robber.

If you can make Otto's laugh in a roast,
that's high praise.

It doesn't seem like an exercise
that you're familiar with.

I want to get him really good.

This is not a debate, Otto.

Did you come up with that yourself?

ROAST ON THE COAST
NORWAY

This is my day.

It feels weird. I don't think
I've ever been roasted before.

The closest I've come to it
is in the VG comment section,

but it's not very funny.

I woke up this morning
with a kind of vision.

A whole day of peace and quiet.

My goal is to make the rest of the group

not talk, not make noise.

Everything they're so good at.

I'm excited to see what kind of activity
Otto will have us do.

He hasn't really been that into
any of the things we've done.

Have we started?

Otto, it's your day.

-It's your day.
-It's my day.

Today, I thought we would just relax.

-Really?
-Sit quietly, no talking.

Would that be okay with you?

-Great.
-Yes.

-Can you do that?
-Yes.

-Do we start now?
-Yes.

Is the idea that we do it together?

Why don't you go sit on the other side?

-The other side?
-You don't have to crowd us.

You can shut up over there.

-Where you shut up doesn't matter.
-Quiet is nice.

It's a group activity. We can bring
some chairs here and be quiet.

It doesn't seem like an exercise
that you're familiar with.

Maybe it's time to learn?

I've had small children.
I have three daughters.

When they were little, it was like
being on a trip with this bunch.

They can't do what you suggested.

-Can you tell?
-I can tell.

That was meant as a joke.
I was joking. It was way too much.

That looked nice.

-You got Otto's crotch.
-Yes, I'm sorry.

It's nice when it's quiet.
You can really relax.

-Yeah, you think so?
-Enjoy yourself.

How's the weather in Norway?

Say hello to my girlfriend.

My dream was a day in total silence,

but, unfortunately, that didn't pan out.

It went straight to hell,
to say the least.

There were four main problems.
Lisa, Magnus…

…Nora and Martin.

They cannot shut up.

-I need to get something.
-Yes.

I'll hold your seat.

Otto, I'll just wait here.

Roasting Otto is gonna be scary.

Whoever wins tonight…

…will have won the whole stay here.

To win Otto's night…
He's Norway's premier roaster.

You can't do better than that.

Will he laugh, or will he just sit there
scrolling on his iPad?

It will be exciting
to see his reactions, if any.

It's a bit of a horror-fueled delight.
You're standing there at the podium,

staring a comedy legend
straight in the eye.

This is a guy who has
lived his life harassing others.

Dear, dear Otto!

I barely remember you from TV
back in the day.

You were the high priest of evil
in your glory days.

At one point in time
you were Norway's most hated man.

Especially after you lit the Bible
and the American flag on fire.

You went against the current.
There's some honor in that too.

In many ways, you were the Charter-Svein
of the 21st century.

Without the charm, the infectious laughter
or the spark of life.

I understand that it's hard
to fill your days as a pensioner.

I guess that's why you demeaned yourself

by spending 4.5 hours
on Wolfgang Wee's podcast.

You said you had started doing TikTok.

Unfortunately, that only shows
how demented you have become.

It's not TikTok you need to subscribe to
to see naked girls.

That's OnlyFans.

It's were Nora
sells pictures of her tiny penis.

Dear Otto, you don't have much time left.

Needless to say,
it's there for all to see,

but something will kill you…

I don't know what it will be.
pulmonary disease, lung cancer,

liver failure
or negative old man syndrome?

One thing is certain,
it won't be a natural death.

Everything you mentioned
is a natural way to die.

This is not a debate, Otto.

It's sad to think
that the last thing you probably do on TV

is with this Paralympics gang here.

Agreed.

Otto, you recently married your partner
of many years, Ingrid Lorentzen.

Even though she's 20 years younger,
it's not like this,

"Yuck! Bloody hell!
You're a cradle-robber." Definitely not.

We're talking about someone who
went through menopause a long time ago.

At 70, most people are younger than you.

One thing you and your wife have in common

is that Ingrid was a prima ballerina
for a long time,

while you are starting to get
very long "ballerinos."

That is wordplay at its best.

Something else you and your wife
have in common is saggy boobs.

She has an excuse. She's a woman,
she's old, she had your daughter.

While your saggy boobs are the result
of zero exercise and poor health.

Your boobs are more mayonnaise
and Häagen-Dazs based, right?

That's right.

Your wife doesn't enjoy rubbing them,
so stop asking.

My wife doesn't have saggy boobs.

You know what?
It wasn't as bad as I had feared.

If I'm gonna get shit thrown at me,

I want the shit to be clever

and for the person throwing the shit
to be thoroughly prepared.

Steinar was up to the task.

ROAST ON THE COAST
NORWAY

Let's see what's inside.

Wow!

What the hell is this?

Yes.

-Do you recognize it?
-Yes, I do.

The matchsticks are glued to the Bible.

I can't remember… Yes, to set it on fire.

That's right. The Koran isn't here. No.

Did you burn the Koran?

-I never got that far. Just the Bible…
-Probably just as well.

…and the American flag.

I was reported to the police
for burning the American flag.

It was a police prosecutor
who brought charges against me.

He wanted to remove the clause
from Norwegian law.

He didn't want it to be forbidden
to burn flags as an expression.

He used me to get rid of the clause,
and now it's gone.

You can thank me for that. Light them up.

-Ignite everything.
-Yes.

Have you ever regretted
something you've done?

Ever thought,
"That's not quite what I wanted."

For the most part, I haven't.

There was one…
Do you remember Souhaila Andrawes?

She took part in a hijacking,
then settled in Norway.

It was discovered
that she was living in Norway.

I had a monologue that, in retrospect,
was perhaps a little too much.

I talked about her husband pounding away
on an undetonated bomb.

I shouldn't have done that.

-That was the only time?
-Yes.

-So there is a heart in there.
-Sure, there is.

Nazi-Per. Perhaps the nicest Nazi ever
to appear on TV.

He wandered around, fascinated
by flowers and animals.

He tried to emphasize
the positive aspects of Nazism.

-Did he hate Jews?
-No, he loved Jews.

I've always enjoyed balancing on the edge.

I prefer being hated by half
and loved by the other half

than nobody caring.

But did they get angry?

Some people were angry.
Mostly right-wing Christian groups.

-Would you dare to do it today?
-Sure.

Do it! Do it!

Otto is the person I know the least,
so roasting him is a little difficult.

And I really want to make Otto laugh.

Maybe the most of everybody.

I think we all feel that way.
Making Otto laugh is a big deal.

So it's probably in relation to him
that I feel the most performance anxiety.

Yeah!

Otto, you old whore!

Did you come up with that yourself?

That was unpleasant.

It's weird to be sharing a house with you.

You give small hints of yourself.

Sometimes we have some
unpleasant conversations.

Because I'm pretty good at conversation,

but you do something to our conversations
that is very uncomfortable.

I'll ask, "Did you sleep well?"
You're like, "I don't fucking know."

I don't know how to continue after that.

We had a crazy conversation.

I said, "This salad lacks something."
And you said, "Pomegranate."

I asked, "Do you like pomegranate?"
You answered, "Yes, it's really good."

And I said, "It's great
that you like pomegranate."

And you, "They're damn hard to pick out."

Then you went back to bed.

Goddamn it, you're laughing!
He's laughing!

Yes, now we're rolling!

-You don't know why I'm laughing.
-And I don't want to know.

Yes! Otto laughed.
Hell, I made Otto laugh!

He doesn't laugh like a normal person,

but Otto laughed.

I've imagined what it'd be like
to have intercourse with you.

I have. I've thought about your wife.

I imagine her being like,
"Yes, I'm ready."

And then she hears, "I'm done."

Then you lie on your side and say,
"Pomegranate is damn good."

I'm not very proud right now, Otto.

One day you will own the stage.

Thanks, Otto.

As you may know,
I'm not your target audience.

I am not an inbred, racist,
misogynistic, homophobic,

brain-damaged 80-year-old pensioner
from Kløfta.

You've lost a lot of fans over the years.

Not that they've turned away from you.
They're dead.

Of old age. Really dead.

Anyway, Otto. I know we don't
know each other particularly well,

but I appreciate being here with you
and doing this roast.

It's great to be involved in
the very last thing you'll ever do on TV.

With that, I'll just say
what you would say,

"I'm going to bed."

Thank you.

Martin's roast… I don't know.
It was pretty bad, I guess.

I'm really happy.
It exceeded my expectations.

A few hiccups,
but apart from that, mostly good.

I hope my jokes are good enough.
He doesn't laugh easily.

I'll be happy if I get a small grin.

Seventy years old, Otto.
The production saves money on beds

by putting you in a horn
hanging on the wall.

Yes.

And they didn't need
to buy you a return ticket

because you'll probably die
during your stay here.

-An honest way to go.
-Yeah, it's great.

We still remember, though,

the legendary, gorgeous, sour-faced,
furious speeches in Torsdagsklubben.

Bow your head in respect
for your copywriter, Egon Holstad.

Fortunately, you'll never
see this on TV, Otto.

Otto Jespersen being able
to log into Amazon Prime

is about as likely

as Magnus Devold's knees
pointing in the right direction.

But you do have an aura around you, Otto.

You kill the mood just as fast
as Steinar Sagen wolfs down a Snickers.

You have the same approach to mingling

as Nora has to healthy food
and normal clothes.

Look at that spectacle.

The fact that you're a bit anti-social
and awkward is, of course,

if we're being serious,
because you're an anxious person.

You're a terrified guy.
Furious, introverted, and full of anxiety.

If "no" had a face, it would be yours.

Many of your skit characters
are curriculum, if you're into comedy.

My favorite was Birger,
a gray and scruffy guy

moping around at home,
with no job or social life.

The fact that you've now become Birger
is very funny.

Talk about method acting.

-That is bloody true.
-Yes, that is bloody true.

Otto!

Lisa's strength
is that she's a good actor.

I give her credit for that.

I'll honestly admit
that they only thing I have feelings for

in this suitcase is the troll.

All of these characters
are totally unfamiliar to me.

Otto won an Honorary Award
when I was 14,

so I haven't really seen much
of Otto's career.

To me, he's a troll hunter.

-Ice Age?
-Ice Age.

-Yes.
-Yes.

-Ice Age?
-Yes.

He was the mammoth's voice in Ice Age.

Were you the voice of the mammoth?
I'm getting to know you better.

Yes.

You should go home and do some research.

If you were in the mood,
"Okay, I can do one character,"

who would it be?

I can do one character? Barron Blod.

-The guy with the metal rod…
-The metal bolt straight through his head.

Barron Blod talking about
how they trashed the hotel room.

Shit. It looked awful when we were done.
It looked like crap.

The duvet was on the floor,

and Gravstein had written
on the toilet wall in pencil.

We had to get the hell out of there.

The speed limit out of town was 70.
We did 75.

That's very good.

It's beautiful, really.

-You still got it, Otto.
-Maybe.

I can't take any more of this.
Too many painful memories.

I can't take it. Sorry. Bye.

I felt we got to see
both the one and the other.

He gave us a few characters.
I wouldn't have thought so.

Neither would I.

He has a character
who's similar to you, Martin.

You know…
"Do you get mad if I get too close?"

"Is that okay? Can I touch you?"

"Can I do this? Is this okay?"

I was paralyzed, you know,
so I have to do it like this.

That's worse.

Shall we go get ready?

-Let's head that way.
-Yes!

-Careful. Careful, Magnus.
-No.

That's almost not okay.

Now I'm dreading Otto's roast.

Okay.

The guy lit the Bible
and the Koran on fire,

and here is Nora "Handicap" Svenningsen,
newcomer, saying,

"You're old, but I know you
from The Troll Hunter."

I'm a little scared.

Otto,

I only know you from Otto Junior.

But you're not Otto Junior.

You're Otto, 70 years old.

Damn, that's old.

Imagine being 70, Martin.

Imagine being 70.

It will be 20 years
since you killed yourself.

Don't attack me.

Doesn't dare get him.

I don't know anything about him.

Anyway, Otto. You rascal!

You've rejected all the activities

we've tried to come up
with here in Cyprus.

You don't want to sit by the pool
because your hat might blow off.

You won't go swimming,
'cause you don't want to get wet.

But getting squirted in the face
is okay with you.

I laughed so hard
that a snot bubble came out.

Sorry about that.

Otto, you don't get me wet…

I get bone dry.

It's like having biscuits down there.

Steinar, your wife knows
what I'm talking about.

If there's cheese and wine tonight,

I'll bring biscuits.

Otto "The Troll Hunter" Jespersen.

You don't just hunt trolls, Otto.

After all, you've slept with
quite a few women.

Ingrid Lorentzen, Elina Krantz,
Princess Ragnhild, and Anne Frank.

In Anne Frank's diary,

it says that Otto was the worst thing
that ever happened to her.

And now you're here in Cyprus
with a bunch of fat, disabled illiterates.

After everything you've worked for
in your career over all these years,

this is what you're signing off on.

Talk about stumbling at the finish line.

You got this close to kicking the bucket
as a comedy legend,

but you had to go and throw up
on everything you've done.

That was a little harsh. I should've…

I went into a different character.
I was bitten by the roast bug.

Thank you, Otto.

Nora was a little nervous about the roast.

So, to deliver what she did, hats off.

Roasting Otto will be scary.

I can't help but think
of all the people Otto has harassed,

all the prime ministers Otto has made cry,

we're here for you.

I think he deserves it.
We have to get even with the bully.

I want to get him really good.

What a group we have here.

There have never been
more diseases gathered

at such a beautiful beach house.

We have Lisa's tumor,
Steinar's hair, we have…

Everything is wrong with you, Martin.
And we have Nora's arm,

which has started making
some really nice jewelry.

Fine motor skills start to take hold.

A little fun fact about us, in 2020,
we were actually the first six in Norway

to be offered the corona vaccine.

No one knows exactly
what's wrong with Otto.

As Steinar mentioned,
Otto was a guest on Wolfgang Wee.

And on Wolfgang Wee, he said,
"I still have great appeal

among a young audience."

And when things like that
come out of your mouth, Otto,

there's something seriously wrong.

Every time I've seen you
dozing on the balcony,

I've thought, "Oh, shoot,
looks like Otto has died of old age."

Who's going to inherit the Crocs?

Who will inherit the sun hat

you bought at the Solgården
holiday health center in 1989?

But one week with a little sun
and a little movement for you

is enough to lengthen your life
by several months.

It's good that this trip is covered
by social services as a health trip.

Otto, I have to say,

you've already gotten back a glow

and a lightness in your step.

You're brighter than the sun,

and that's great to see.

If some of us are feeling tired,

you come jumping in.

Some uplifting words
and your infectious laughter.

Your big ball of energy.

We need to apply extra sunscreen
because you dazzle us with your charisma.

Many of us grew up with you.

Not your kids. They were neglected.

I don't know if it's true,

but men with a beard like yours
have often sent family members to therapy.

I've thought a lot about what it'd be like
to grow up with Otto as a father.

Unfortunately, no one can answer that.

Not even your own kids.

Otto, you're so bad that you are the most
reported comedian in Norwegian history.

I think it's good, Nora, that you report
the old men who send you dick pics.

Don't stop doing that.

Our youngest viewers, those under 45,

may not recognize you
as the groundbreaking comedian you are.

They know you as the old guy outside
a Kiwi shouting the N-word.

I don't think you're a racist, Otto,

but I do know that 90% of the people
who miss you on the screen

get their news from document.no.

When your fans
found out you were going to Cyprus,

they hoped it was to shoot
boat refugees with a harpoon.

Now I'll say the words you've been
waiting to hear the entire evening.

You can go to bed now, Otto.
It is over. Thank you.

That went well, right?

My goal today was to make Otto laugh once.

I managed to do that.
I can live off of that for many years.

I was afraid of not being able
to deliver facial expressions,

reactions or laughter.

I think I managed to convey
most of those emotional signals.

A lot of good stuff here.

And a lot of crap.

I have to pick a winner.

Magnus, you were damn good.

Thank you.

You were to the point, but still…

Steinar, you were my favorite tonight.

-Well done, Steinar.
-Yes. Thank you.

You were the funniest.

At least in my heart.

That's huge.

Otto Jespersen is a comedy expert,

and if he says I'm the best,
then it's probably true.

All my children!

Why are you touching under the shorts?

This is incredibly disturbing to watch.
What are you doing?

Beautiful!

He doesn't want any more!
We don't want any more!

Have you had time to meet Effie?
When did this happen?

I am disabled.

-Does being disabled make you this stiff?
-Yes.

You would've disappointed Hitler, Magnus.

Squeeze yours down a bit.

"Can I borrow the wheels?" "Yes," he said.

Gave him a blow job.

-Film me now. I'm pissing myself, right?
-Look at me now!

Otto, I'm sorry!