Original subtitles

THE TRUTH IS, THERE IS NO TRUTH!

Let's get back to it.

We just saw the elevator,

along with the shock on Ahmed and Hakim's faces.

Which was understandable.

The elevator is a part of the set we have yet to explain.

It could surprise us by opening at any time to reveal a clue.

It could be an object, a person...

And you have to integrate that clue into your story.

If your story was a lie, you have to make up something believable.

And if your story was true,

you also have to lie while being clever about it,

because your goal is to hide the fact that your story was true.

Yes, you have to lie. It's literally in the name of the show.

Why are they making those faces?

Who was that lady? Do they know her? Are they pretending?

Are these real books on the shelves?

The people want to know!

Hello, ma'am.

Ahmed and Hakim.

Ahmed and Hakim, let's hear it.

It's simple, she was part of the cast

and was with us in Senegal.

Do you remember her name?

If I remember right, I think it's Brigitte.

When Ahmed said, "It's Brigitte, an actress,"

the gears start turning...

And straight away, since I'm basically a genius,

I say, "Search card!"

Right. We forgot to tell them about the search card.

Basically, all pairs had a "search card"

giving them access to a computer to look things up on the Internet.

I know, it sounds like a superpower,

but it wasn't as easy as it seemed.

Each pair could only use it once throughout the game,

and only for one minute.

So don't get your hopes up.

What was the movie called? Here and There?

-Got it. Here and There. -Look how tense they are.

They don't look so good!

-Can we look too? -Yes, come over, everyone.

The girls invited us to look!

-We're toast. -Her face will be there.

-No! -Yes, it will!

It will.

Come on, look it up.

"Here and There cast."

I swear we'll let them talk after.

There!

-Click on it. -Click on the name.

-Zoom in! -That's her face!

Brigitte!

This game is amazing!

Yeah!

Bingo. That was so satisfying.

Brigitte!

Wait. Brigitte?

-You got her! -Yes!

Legendary blunder from Ahmed right there.

-He must have been so mad at himself. -Totally!

At that point, I just wanted to stab myself multiple times like this.

He self-destructed.

They self-destructed.

Bye, Brigitte!

So good.

Listen, that was a gamble. Oulaya, well played.

The card was a great idea. You're amazing.

We won!

Wait. Let's not celebrate too soon.

Their game is over. We know which story is true.

We caught them red-handed.

They all know it's true.

I just want to say, "Fuck you all," and run out crying.

It was not the time to run out crying.

It was time for everyone to go to the investigation room,

my favorite room, away from prying eyes,

with a detective office's vibe, to discuss their wildest theories.

They had to choose Ahmed and Hakim's true story,

between "The Brazilian Night,"

"Teddy and the Flat Tire"

and "Traveler's Diarrhea."

But it was also a place for settling scores.

I swear, I'm so angry.

-I'm gutted, bro. -I'm sorry.

All I can say is I'm sorry.

I was thinking that, since the story is true,

I had to tell the truth about the clue.

Of course not!

Bro, what's the game called?

What's the game called?

I'm gutted.

It's Liars Club. You have to lie, bro!

"No, I'll just tell the truth!" You're insane.

"No, Hakim, we can't lie."

It's called Liars Club!

They should have chosen a French title so you'd get it!

I can't believe what you did!

You screwed up, you know that?

I swear to God. I'm done.

-Come back. Hakim! -No.

Thanks, boys.

I laughed so hard my stomach hurts.

It was great. A good laugh is a precious thing.

They gave up in front of us.

They didn't try.

You know what? I'm mad at myself.

We played the card well.

-Amazing, well done. -Well done.

But we shouldn't have let the others look.

Yeah, we shouldn't have said anything.

We played as a team, not for ourselves.

That was the biggest mistake I ever made.

Actually, the biggest was getting hooked on cookies.

But that comes second.

We're lucky that Melha Bedia...

They could have kept it secret.

Just imagine if Melha was the only one to find out.

She didn't have to share it.

We had proof. It's over.

After Brigitte, there's no more suspense.

-They got busted. -Yes. That's it.

We're FBI, we work quickly, it's no joke. Case closed.

There will be no cold case.

Did you all vote?

We struggled.

There would be no cold case,

but Ahmed and Hakim still have a chance to win.

It's not over yet.

You win by uncovering all the true stories.

Just because they found yours doesn't mean you lost.

One thing, we're leaving and trusting you with the apartment.

So no funny business, no beer or cigarettes.

The parents are leaving.

Have a nice birthday party.

-Be nice, no alcohol. -Are there coasters?

Shall we sit?

Okay, let's sit and listen carefully,

because it's Kad and Olivier's turn to confuse us even more

with a story about a rhinoceros,

a story set in Thailand,

and a never-disclosed secret about one of their greatest comedy hits.

So listen carefully. Only one is true.

Which one? We know!

Make some noise for Kad and O!

In 35 years, we've experienced so many things together.

We've filmed all around the world,

from Thailand to South Africa and the USA...

So amazing things are bound to happen.

-It's going to be tough. -Yes.

I'm sure they won't believe us.

Get comfortable.

We're here to tell you a story.

What's happening?

What's happening?

This is Liars Club,

and the elevator just delivered a little clue

for Kad and Olivier.

What's that?

They now had to integrate this car into their story.

-Oh, yes! -That's incredible!

This 4x4 was the ideal clue for us.

Bring this car down, we'll explain everything.

This car is a 4x4, by the way...

ELECTRIC 4X4 SUV OF THE YEAR

It's a convertible. You'll see why.

It all happened in South Africa.

Shooting for Safari. Directed by Olivier Baroux.

-Starring Kad Merad. -Nice to meet you.

-Nice to meet you. -Me too.

Somewhere in South Africa,

there is a rhinoceros...

named Kadéo.

I don't think so.

Olivier, please go ahead.

We filmed Safari in South Africa for three and a half months.

We filmed in parks and reserves, one of which was called Phinda.

That explains the 4x4, since we used them to drive around sets,

to include many animals in the film from private reserves.

Did you see the movie?

-Definitely. -I saw it.

Should we have watched your films?

You should have, yes.

-Go on, Kad. -No, please. You tell it better.

-No. -I tend to forget things.

-You have to lie better. -We're not lying.

This was a memorable story.

One day, near the end, we were coming home late.

-We finished shooting late. -It was already night.

We went home with our driver. Not a park guide, but a chaperone.

-It was my chaperone, Richard. -Kad's chaperone.

He drove us to the hotel, through the park.

We were driving through it, and the chaperone says,

"Look at what's happening over there."

We stopped and saw a female rhinoceros lying on her side.

We drove closer.

We didn't get out, of course. What did we see?

We saw the little hooves of a baby rhinoceros

coming out of her vagina. She was giving birth.

We thought, "Let's get back and tell the guides

from Phinda camp to come and help her,"

because she didn't look so good.

You could see it was very bad.

Sorry, I'm from the countryside.

Don't be sorry.

-I've seen other... -Rhinoceroses?

No, a calf having trouble coming out.

The process is the same in cows and rhinoceroses.

There are not many solutions.

If you want to save both, you help the mother give birth.

For lambs, for example, babies are often bigger than...

Than their mother.

Not the mother.

Than the part from which... Anyway.

So the technique is to help the animal come out.

-How? -I'm getting to it.

Richard, our chaperone, was in a panic.

Me too.

-Honestly, I... -I didn't want to do it.

No one did. But I felt bad for her.

This female rhino was massive.

They're white rhinos, which are actually more gray than white.

I swear he's lying!

They're huge rhinos. You think they'll kill you.

I said to Olivier,

"Cover her face with that old blanket."

-It was a jacket. -Right, a jacket.

-Not a blanket? -A jacket from the set.

In that situation, you don't think.

I grabbed a rope

and tied it around the baby's legs.

You have to get back, you don't know how the mother will react.

And you pull to get the baby out.

Everything went well, so we left.

We told the rangers.

One day they called us and said, "The baby's fine. We named it Kadéo."

Since we had delivered it.

Well done. Honestly, that's great.

Why didn't you let the mother rhino name it?

-That's kinda pushy, don't you think? -That's a good one.

-One question. -Oulaya! Ask away.

First you said it was a blanket,

then a jacket, and then a rope.

No. The blanket was meant to cover the mother's face.

-So she wouldn't panic. -Like with crocodiles.

You've never seen how they catch crocodiles?

-You've never caught one? -No.

-No. -It's really easy.

It reduces the animal's stress level.

-Okay. -They're on fire.

They're good. You guys are geniuses.

Can you show us the size of the female rhino's head

with your hands?

-I mean, it was... -More or less this.

-It was big. -That's not the same!

Come on!

We didn't measure it.

We didn't bring measuring tape. It was just big!

Just watch any show about rhinoceroses.

Yes. Just tune in to Rhino TV. It's all in there.

-One last question. -Go ahead!

It's a crazy story.

I've been a big fan of yours since I was little.

-I know what you're gonna ask. -I'm a huge fan.

When that movie came out, I saw you on TV.

You never told that story.

I knew he would ask that.

We never told it on TV.

But we told it to the press.

We told lots of stories.

Like when Kad almost got devoured by a lion.

-We told it. -Then why tell a made-up story?

What I mean is,

the story with the lion on the car's windshield,

the press loved that.

That's all they remembered.

But we also didn't brag about delivering the baby.

They're good storytellers. They know how to pull you in.

They've known each other since 1991. I wasn't even born.

They're the players who worry us the most.

Shall we look at their proof?

Yes, we have the rhino, and even the ranger's testimony.

-He sends us a video every year. -Really? You have a video?

-A video of the rhino, guys! -The rhino!

We swear.

Look!

I'm dying of laughter.

-"Say hi to Kadéo!" -Stop it.

I can't take it.

No, wait! No!

I'm only laughing because you are, and because you think it's fake.

I'm crying.

What color was the rhino?

-White. -Gray.

A white rhino is gray.

We get a video like that every year.

Are you the godfathers?

We're Kadéo's godfathers.

We brought him into this world.

Of course they update us.

We're his godfathers.

We send him formula now and again.

For his birthday, on special occasions...

We had a video of him for his first day of preschool.

Let them.

-You bastards. -Let them think it's a lie.

You guys are very good. You're geniuses.

Amazing!

I'm thinking, those guys made movies after movies...

They can only tell amazing stories about filming.

-Travel adventures. -More amazing than ours.

-We didn't travel. -Yes...

We only have unemployment stories.

That smirk doesn't budge. It's always there.

SATISFIED GRIN

That's just me. I've always been like this.

Stop pissing me off. Get lost.

He keeps smirking.

He's mad because we figured him out.

Can we move on to the next lie?

A lie? I wasn't so sure.

They've known each other for 30 years,

they must have experienced amazing things.

You're so easily fooled.

You can't trust anyone here.

I'm just saying it's possible.

And look who's talking, you're foolable too.

No, I'm not. Also, "foolable"? Not a real word.

-Oh, really? -Really.

Shall we move on?

Sorry, Kad. We digressed.

The next story is crazy.

Crazy true or crazy fake?

Ladies and gentlemen.

-We'll shake things up. -Yes.

Let's go on stage. Come on, Kad!

-Sorry. -Do you want to hear it or not?

Yes.

We'll try and keep it under three minutes.

It's another amazing adventure.

We've made many movies together.

-Abroad. -Him directing, me acting.

The creator, the creature.

Such amazing shoots. Filming with Olivier is amazing.

We had fun.

They're not good movies, but the shootings were great.

We filmed for three months in Thailand.

-One weekend... -We helped a zebu give birth.

That's it.

One weekend, we decided to take a break

and go canoeing on the famous River Kwai,

where the famous bridge is.

There are two canoes, one for me and Kad,

and one for the guide who's taking us there.

At one point, he waves to us, "Be careful,

there is a turn coming up. Don't miss it."

We're way up ahead, messing around.

-You've guessed it, we miss the turn. -We were young.

We didn't pay attention.

He tells us to come back. We try to row against the current

to go back up the river, which is impossible.

We follow the river, without panicking.

Kad says, "Let's just try and reach the bank."

"Fuck that. We can't row the other way."

"We'll call them so they can come pick us up."

Except that the phones were on the other canoe.

-In the other canoe. -Shit.

Because the guy had big boxes.

-Waterproof containers? -Exactly. We put everything there.

-Are you yawning when I'm talking? -Sorry.

You yawned and didn't even try to hide it.

She went...

He called you out!

Very rude.

-Little brats. -Little brats.

We had to scold them.

After half an hour of drifting, we reached a house, a small farm.

We docked the canoe and got out.

And there was this woman, a very pretty Thai woman.

-Probably in her fifties or sixties. -Yes.

Something about her made me laugh, because she looked like Sylvie Vartan.

-Who? -Sylvie Vartan, Johnny Hallyday's wife.

We were laughing so hard. It was like a Thai version of her.

It was weird.

She was blonde, which is rare for a Thai,

and her appearance made us laugh.

-A natural blonde? Or dyed hair? -Sorry? Dyed.

So we get there.

-She welcomes us... -We explain that we're lost.

She doesn't speak English and we don't speak Thai.

She makes a call.

She makes a call.

She didn't say it, she just disappeared.

-I saw her making a call. -No, I didn't...

Call? No call?

We're waiting and waiting...

And the woman reappears but the cops are with her.

Thai policemen.

From the Phetchaburi police station, which is 30 miles away.

They're from Phetchaburi, not Bangkok, so they speak almost no English.

We try to explain saying, "We're lost," and so on...

They understand...

"We are lost." We tell them about the canoe.

They say, "Okay."

And take us away in the police car.

We really start to freak out at this point.

So we decide to say, "Listen, we're shooting a film."

"Look it up on the Internet."

They had the Internet.

"Look us up. You'll see our faces."

We told them to type in "Kad and Olivier"

so they could see that we were actors and directors.

-They found a rhinoceros. -No.

-They saw our bit, "Manitas de la Bitas." -They came upon this video.

Shit.

They completely changed their attitude.

-It got really weird. -Very bizarre, they didn't get it.

-They didn't get it? -No.

They threw us in jail.

-They held you for questioning? -Well...

-Yes, but it was disturbing. -Midnight Express vibes.

We had to wait until the next morning, until production

had checked our whereabouts and realized we were in Phetchaburi.

And they came to get us.

-That's insane. -Well done, guys.

They're really tough players. They're good.

They know each other well.

They told the story well. It was plausible, so I wasn't sure.

-We have proof. -The proof, guys.

Solid proof.

Look. We have proof.

The arrest certificate from the police station.

A certificate?

-They framed it. -They give those out?

-You framed it? -Of course.

As a souvenir.

So you have this frame at your house?

-Yes. -Since when?

-Since we shot the movie. -So, how long?

Fuck. That must have been 2012 or 2013.

-I don't remember. -Ten years, maybe 12.

2013.

It looks clean for something that's been hanging for ten years.

It's well done. The prop is well made.

They worked hard.

But still...

But still...

It's too clean.

That proof...

Maybe it's true, but they made up this proof.

They look more relaxed than before.

You can't rely on the proof.

You can't rely on it.

I'm thinking their story could be true, but...

I don't know.

They confused me with that one.

-I've been to Thailand. -You've traveled!

-I had a run-in with the police. -Really? So?

-What color is their uniform? -Green.

-In Phetchaburi they were green. -Or blue.

Their uniforms look like the ones from the Italian police.

With the hat...

-Green or blue? -I think...

Sorry. It's a greenish-blue, maybe.

I've never set foot in Thailand.

I don't know how Thai police look.

Even I thought you'd been to Thailand.

Never. I've never been.

You failed with the uniform. Here's another chance,

what color was the car, please?

The police car?

-The car you were in. -White.

-White? -Okay.

-White. American-looking. -They look American. They wear hats.

So you were in Miami.

Thai police cars look like American ones.

They want to intimidate us and see how we react.

The best response is a poker face.

To show the least emotion possible.

Except in some situations, you must stay as neutral as possible.

-Thank you. -Next.

So their strategy was to "stay neutral."

Yes, neutral. Kad never goes over the top anyway.

A little drink on the terrace

It's Montmartre talking to you...

I'm not really playing.

He's just... entertaining.

I'll try the pan flute.

He has a street show.

Entertainment from a César winner, that's impressive.

Last one. Anyone got a light?

And when he'd had enough,

it was time for another story with Olivier.

Shall we go on?

Remember their last story?

-We laughed so hard. -No, we cried.

No, I was crying tears of laughter.

So we didn't experienced it the same way at all.

Not you, or me, or him.

Definitely not him.

And her? Poor thing.

And them... No, none of us.

This last story is more personal.

For this one, we're going to open up more than we usually do.

We decided to tell you something

very personal for us.

When we talk about it, we get emotional, because...

We'll tell you how it happened.

Throughout our careers,

you know we've done lots of sketches

and memorable bits.

The "Jean-Michel" bits, "Kamoulox"...

"Manitas" and "Pamela Rose" and so on...

But we've never really revealed that...

It wasn't just the two of us.

Someone else was with us.

We worked as radio hosts on Oüi FM, on Rue Beaubourg.

I worked in a restaurant called Ciao.

-Italian restaurant. -In Pantin? Tchao Pantin?

No.

On a street adjacent to Rue Beaubourg. Rue Simon-le-Franc, I think.

I was taking acting classes at Café de la Gare.

Yes, across the street!

To pay for my classes, I worked as a waiter in this pizzeria.

And the owner of the restaurant, Jean-Michel...

Jean-Michel Dufils.

This guy was... I say "was," because...

That's why this is... It makes me... Sorry.

Excuse me. I'm sorry.

-That's not cool. -I said sorry. It's fine.

Imagine if it's true.

I'm sorry. Excuse me.

No, it's okay. It's just hard because...

-He's no longer with us. -It's fine.

I don't know if I can tell this story.

I'm sorry. I don't feel like talking about it.

For real?

No. Be quiet.

Freddy!

It's really hard for me.

THE TRUTH IS, THERE IS NO TRUTH!