Original subtitles

Here I go again.

I hear the trumpet blow again.

Oh, what a blow again.

Taking a chance on love.

Here I slide again.

About to take that ride again.

Starry -eyed again.

It's hard to believe he's gone, Tom.

Certainly is.

Oh, poor Mr.

Henstridge. I mean, I know he was getting on a bit when he started at the

library, but, you know, it's still... Always sad business, Alison. Old friends

pegging out.

Your throw. We were more than just friends, Tom.

Well, not much more, of course, because of his legs, but I think we had a very

special rapport.

I mean, after all, Tom, apart from you, he was the only other man in my life.

Impossible. Well, not if you're a slow starter, Tom.

No, no, your batsman, Jermaine Greer, just hit another six off Alec Bedford.

Why would I be allowed to keep this?

I'd like to have something to remember him by.

Ah, yes. Earlier, Miss Henstridge's sister on phone said welcome to it.

I've been wondering what it was.

Well, I think Mr Henstridge used to keep things in it at the library, but it's

also a gramophone.

He used to play... When I'm calling you... Do

you know it?

No.

Well, it was our very special tune.

He used to say if ever he was overwhelmed by physical passion for me,

that tune, and if we were in company, I could signify my assent by just crossing

my legs. He never did hum it, of course.

No ball?

Well, either that or he couldn't remember the tune.

Tom,

are you sure it's wise to drink all that before bedtime?

They did something. Settle stomach.

Did Mr.

Hendricks say on the phone how it happened?

Yes, yes. Sad business.

Drowned. Drowned? He was in a nursing home for a hip replacement, Tom.

Apparently, let himself out at three o 'clock in the morning, trying to get

across river to back of nurse's hostel.

Flotation bags on walking frame gave way.

Found next morning.

Rose in his teeth, box of milk trays still under his arm.

Set alarm for 5 .30, all right.

But it's only two hours till he's born, isn't it?

Would be, normally, yes. Unfortunately, I have to bypass Surrey.

Why? Well, not entirely my fault. Got caught up in civil defence alert once.

Entire local council trapped in nuclear bunker for the best part of the

fortnight.

Promised Chief Constable wouldn't go there until his retirement.

1997.

Well...

Pint of lager before bedtime.

Absolutely disastrous.

Well, that's what it says here, Tom.

It's not disagreeing, Alison. It just doesn't look much like A34.

I thought that flash flood washing away Junction 14 had got me confused.

Perhaps we should just push on.

Push on much more into this, likely to...

need team of huskies idea suggest

we go

back along the path take right at t junction try

to pick up bypass sutton scotney at crossroads

right

Just wish there was someone we could ask.

A lot of people do ask, Alison.

Someone up the tree.

Tom?

You ought to see this, George.

What's happening?

He's pushed her to the ground now and he's rubbing his little chest all over

her.

What the forestry superintendent gets up to is no business of ours.

Just keep watching the nest.

If anything went wrong this time, I couldn't take it. I just couldn't take

Lockgarden was nine years ago, George. It was one little accident, and the few

people who ever heard about it have completely forgotten it by now.

Forgotten? Forgotten Lockgarden?

Oh, will he forget what George Fothergill did at Lockgarden?

I wouldn't be surprised if I turned around this very minute and there was

idiot through his head with that trapdoor there.

What do you want?

Try to find funeral in Eastbourne.

Eastbourne? It's miles away.

Tom, I can't... Oh, come on. It's here to come up.

Tom.

Thanks. Come on, Alison.

Well,

well, well.

London Hyde you have up here.

Build it yourself?

Yes. Well, my wife jointed most of the heavy timber work. Yes, yes, yes. But I

did the camouflage.

Watchers, aren't you?

Tom knows a lot about birds.

Oh, used to, Alison, used to.

Captured once by a group called Friends of the Feather.

Hijacked an entire cricket team on tour of West Country. Wouldn't let us go till

had perfect recognition of 2 ,000 species.

I'm not sure if you'd recognise this little couple. Well, come on, have a

Ah,

yes, most impressive.

Let me see, Tom.

Yes. Congratulations.

Breeding, too.

Wouldn't have thought possible in cold weather like this.

Well, he's all right with his anorak on, but she's not even wearing a vest.

Oh, no. The birds missed him.

Never been known to nest in this country before.

Was once spotted in Lowestoft, 1983.

Only around for a couple of days, though. Rumour is Bill Oddie ran it over

car park.

Would either of you like a cup of tea?

Oh, thank you.

Then we really must be pressing on, Tom. Yes, of course. You wanted to know how

to get to Eastbourne, didn't you?

Now, look, this twig is the path you're on now. You go back it up to

the conker.

That's Littlehampton. So the leaves, Middle Wallop. Yes, that's right. And

must be A34.

No, no, that's a fern.

You turn right to the conker and left to the leaf and you're on the main road

to... Loch Garton.

Pardon? Loch Garton. I heard you talking about it when we came up. Just

remembered an extraordinary story about a fellow who was watching Osprey's Nest

there. Late one night, thought it was being robbed, sent off distressed flair,

blew head off, returning mother bird.

Often wondered what happened to him. He was drummed out of the RSPB.

He was never allowed on another watch, and none of his friends ever spoke to

again. Until one day, seven years later, he happened to come across the first

pair of breeding parrot crossbills in Great Britain.

He pleaded with the local conservation officer and was given one last chance to

keep watch, which he's been doing night and day, along with his devoted wife.

For the past three and a half weeks.

You can probably guess who I'm talking about by now.

He means he was that bird watcher, Tom.

No, it's the crossbill. I think one of them started to hatch.

What?

Ah! Yes, you're right.

I must get this, you wait. I say, you take the motorized, if I need it.

You couldn't load my car, were you loaded? Could you with 80, 400, you

just in case the light fades?

It's very important that he succeeds, Jim Sears. This is his last chance.

Most exciting. I don't know if anyone's noticed, but somebody down there seems

to be cutting down a tree.

Just for clearance.

Oh, it's just that it sounds rather close.

Oh, you needn't worry. George had a word with the forestry superintendent, and

he's making sure that none of the marked trees are...

Too near. I expect they're working just beyond the path. Marked trees? What sort

of marking, exactly?

Well, I wouldn't know. He'd just get his yellow chalk and he...

Don't

make funeral talk.

No, no need.

Left at leaf, right at...

important Miss Henstridge wants to talk to us about.

Is she feeling better now? I think so, yes. She's having a little lie down at

the moment.

Best thing she could do, all that confetti on the coffin.

Ever catch... Ever catch idiot who shoved potato up exhaust pipe?

It didn't do too much damage. Tom just spattered on our legs a bit. Yes. And

Miss Henstridge said she'd lend me some stockings. Go and get Reeve, though.

Tom? Yes?

Have you noticed anything rather strange about all the other guests?

No.

Well, women, for instance.

Can't say I noticed.

No. Oh, never mind.

The first time he made love to me was in the cockpit of an Imperial Airways

Hanley Page over Singapore.

How very exciting.

He seduced me in a double bed in Harrods. Of course.

Did anyone notice?

Quite a few.

It was part of a window to play in the January sale.

Mrs. Royston here.

The wing commander.

With the big undercarriage. Yes.

I heard he was planning to fly up from Tripoli in his monoplane. Now, 55's a

old for that.

I thought he was over 80.

Oh, he is. It's a plane of 55.

It wouldn't be so bad when he insists on doing his own servicing.

I wonder if we could persuade those little men to give us a tune.

Oh!

Thank you. Oh, don't worry, dear. I'll take care of that. Right.

Hello. Is Myrna available?

Miss Hemsbridge? Well, she's upstairs at the moment. Would you care to come in

and wait?

Well, we just wanted to apologize for that business with the car this morning,

but... No, no, no. We'd better get back. We're at the reception next door.

Oh, of course.

You don't have a policewoman here, do you?

A policewoman?

Doesn't matter.

Cecil ordered a stripper gram for next door.

She'd be wearing a police uniform and a blonde wig.

But she's a brunette when you get down to it.

She does a wonderful act with a police whistle, which mightn't go down too well

in a funeral party.

What would she be doing here?

It's the balloons, you see. Somebody moved them from our gate to yours.

That's how she was to recognize the house.

Oh, that explains it.

Get the Polaroid, Cecil. We should start it.

Oh, no, no.

That's a Scottish band.

Oh, they're supposed to be with us. We're making do with a vicar's wife on

piano. We left them doing a foxtrot to Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam.

Yes, well, I'll certainly tell them.

That's not a Bollinger 63, is it?

Yes, dear old Henstridge.

He bought it to be drunk at his funeral in memory of his finest achievement, the

night he spent with the New Zealand Ladies Hockey XI.

We've got 14 cases.

14? Well, they were traveling with three reserves.

We're on orange juice next door.

Her father is a liver specialist at Guy's.

Are you sure you wouldn't care to come in and wait a moment? I mean, she should

be down any minute.

It would be nice to see her. Just for a few minutes.

Of course.

We'll just give her a few more minutes for the extra valium to work, Tom. Then

we'll help her downstairs.

It seems unnecessarily worried, just because brother made a bit of a hobby

of women.

More of a full -time professional career, really.

This was his bedroom before he moved to the cottage.

Can't have been all bad. Complete wisdom.

1966 to 1985.

Now, look at this, Tom.

This is where he kept records of his conquests. Records?

He's got the name, place, little comment.

It's all neatly referenced and indexed.

Meteorologists, machine minders, nurses,

Norwegians, neurotics, librarians.

So this is the important section, Tom.

Wives of members of parliament.

He was only collecting them for a few months in 1964.

Longish section.

I've seen this story about wife of David... And that little star means he

managed to get photographs.

Photographs?

photographs or the press.

They could be really serious. That's why poor Miss Hensbridge is so worried.

And why Mr. Hensbridge left me this letter.

You'd better read it.

Dear Alison, great respect for your moral integrity.

Always admired your mind.

Yes. It's further on in the letter Tommy asked me to go to the cottage.

Please destroy contents of wardrobe, portrait on wall, leather items.

Obviously a very persuasive fellow.

Lots of stars here.

Miss Hainsford said he had lots of hidden cameras operated by secret little

levers. She thought there was one in this room, but nobody seems to know

it is.

Extraordinary little spring here.

Do you think there's any film in it, Tom?

Oh, it shouldn't worry. Probably all deteriorated by now.

Oh, I think I had my eyes shut anyway.

That's it.

It's not for me, you understand.

It's a bit of dignity for the family name.

Now that he's gone, all that matters to me is dignity.

Do you... Yes, indeed.

Dignity. Yes, exactly.

And with the help of you kind young people... Oh, I'm so sorry!

You'll find the wedding next door, dear. This is a funeral.

I think I'd like to go back upstairs.

Not the dress.

Oh, the cotton, yes.

said she didn't know the number, but we can't miss it.

There's an old monoplane parked in the front garden.

Ah.

Good.

Shouldn't worry too much about Miss Hemsbridge.

It's a lot more comfortable with one's neck brace firmly in place. Oh, yeah.

Look at this, Tom, parked on the front lawn.

Look at this little ghost, Tom.

Oh, it hasn't flown for years.

It's all overgrown like that hard to imagine him winning the London Calcutta

Race. No, I don't think he won it exactly Tom.

Just scored a lot along the way.

Um, Miss Hensbridge said the back door is usually unlocked.

I think that's a lot Michael.

On that day though, it's not the sort of thing I expected to find in his

wardrobe.

Dark side to everyone's character, Alan.

Have you finished the photos?

Yes, yes, all gone. 53 albums.

And like you said in the letter, you really didn't look at any of them? No,

There was one photo that happened to fall on ground.

What? How was it?

Showed Gilly Mott.

Full wing stretch. Very impressive.

I'm sure this has to give.

Seems harmless enough.

No, the letter was quite specific, Tom.

Um... To protect the lady whose portrait hangs on the stairs now that she's a

member of the royal family.

Thought she looked familiar.

Let's searing flames engulf those golden thighs one last time.

Not showing a lot of golden thigh here.

Wearing tweeds, holding 20 -pound salmon.

Bill.

Mummy's picture, George.

Why is he burning Mummy's picture?

Oh, no idea, Edith.

No idea at all.

The government won't have to resign, will it, Tom?

Resign? Well, because that wing commander sold real photos to News It

They won't have to resign, will they?

Oh, a lot of exaggeration in newscasts. Probably just have minor cabinet

reshuffle.

Impressive piece of equipment, this.

What, a gramophone?

Oh, no, Alison, a lot more than that.

Henstridge reckoned this thing beside him could have any woman in England.

Yes, from what I've heard, that's very nearly what he did.

Sort of one -man portable seduction kit. Everything in it, drinks, soft music,

spare pair of underwear, strip poker, cards, marked.

Listen to this.

Oh, it's a radio as well.

Ah, supposed to think it's radio.

Actually... Gramophone record.

This is the BBC Home Service.

We interrupt Jack Payne and his band with the following announcement.

British scientists have reported that an asteroid due to collide with the Earth

in 23 minutes will destroy all life on this planet.

We've only 23 minutes to do all those things we've always wanted to do, but

never dared.

I mean, some women actually fell for that. According to Miss Hensbridge,

failed. More innocent age, of course.

I think I'll turn in if you don't mind, Tom.

Everything all right, Alison?

Yes, I'm fine.

I'm fine.

Ah, understandably upset.

Disastrous day.

All my fault.

Got so used to it, sometimes forget.

No, it's not that, Tom.

It's nothing to do with you.

out about Mr.

Henstridge. Oh.

I mean, when you realize that an old friend who you thought was a

dignified old gentleman was in fact a womanizer, a professional Don Juan,

a man who from his earliest years devoted his entire life to seducing

Falling shock.

Thank you.

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