Original subtitles

There's been a rumor that you've got cockroaches in there.

Big, fat, ugly roaches.

My little boy is in the hospital because of her. Makes you mad is what it does.

Makes you feel angry. Every time you yell charge, I run out there on a limb

you. I would hate to think that you were beating up on an old lady in order to

make points with Inspector Nelman.

Malochio. Malochio.

What'd she use on you, huh?

Hypnotism? The woman redefines the word eccentric.

Maybe she is a witch.

I will cut off your head and stop it down the toilet. toilet.

I realize it's just a dog. Oh, not at all.

What could be more important than one of God's little creatures?

Sergeant Cagney, I realize this isn't a flashy case, but didn't

you tell our community board meeting that every crime is important to

Inspirational, isn't it?

I think what my partner is trying to say, Mrs. Gettling, is why would anyone

want to steal a dog?

Unless it was valuable like one of those show animals.

He was valuable to my little girl. Every day she took Henry for a walk.

And yesterday, as they were leaving, he got loose and he disappeared down the

stairs and she heard an apartment door opening and closing and that weird music

pouring out. Excuse me, could we back up? She tried to get Mrs. Hendershot to

tell her what she had done with Henry and all that woman did was to yell

something horrible.

Who was Mrs. Hendershot?

A ground floor apartment.

Facing the street.

Elnora Hendershot.

Did anybody actually see Mrs. Hendershot take the dog?

Well, no, but it is well within her capabilities. For ten years, we have

patient. Well, that woman has gotten stranger and stranger.

If you don't mind, Mrs. Gatling, we would like to speak with your daughter.

Oh, I'm sorry, but the doctor insisted on the sedative. And Amy is a tough kid.

But if you could have seen her half scared out of her mind, well, she could

barely talk.

Begging your pardon, but if that's the case, how can you be so sure that what

happened... happened?

Go down and see Mrs.

Hendershot.

You will understand.

Just imagine, no more Mrs.

Pankowski and her son Howard the Peeping Tom.

No more calls about the Murrays who want to practice the limbo with their blinds

open.

Goodbye, rabid mice and missing dogs.

Christine, I have enjoyed you being on the community board almost as much as

have. Mm -hmm.

Let me tell you my bit, this is my little corner of paradise.

God bless Inspector Nelman. And that Chinese firecracker led a new meaning to

the phrase, it only hurts when I laugh.

Careful, Sergeant, if these walls have ears, you might wind up the community

board's permanent liaison.

You talk dirty.

Well, just like Mom in Apple Pie.

There's Mom now.

Mrs. What's her name?

Hendershot. Mrs. Hendershot?

It's Detective Lacey and Sergeant Cagney, NYPD.

Want to open up, ma 'am? We'd like to talk to you.

Mrs. Hendershot?

It's the police.

I can't hear you!

So you want to break it down or go for lunch?

She probably had the dog in there, forcing him to watch the death scene

Yeller. Good thing.

Hey, I answered the complaint, all right? That's the end of it. Well, that

to bring them cheering to their feet at your next board meeting.

Mary Beth, whose side are you on?

Two weeks, partner. You can do it with your teeth clenched. It's fine, all

right? I will call them back, I will follow through, and I will prove myself

be a responsive and attentive member of the community board.

Very good, Christine.

Sometimes I think the nuns made a mistake letting you go.

Yes, Mrs. Gatlin?

I spoke with the health department, and she seems to have passed every single

inspection. Uh -huh.

I talked to the SPCA.

Now listen, if your dog should come back... What?

Of course I understand.

Uh -huh.

Yes, ma 'am.

Mm -hmm.

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh.

Bye.

You have a nice day, too.

And a nice night. You know, for just one brief moment of real police work.

Forrest, homicide, it's all yours.

You know, you can't blame Mrs. Devlin. Can you imagine trying to throw a dinner

party?

You know, it might be best if you didn't bring your dog. It's sort of hard to

explain. I don't know what the big deal is, as long as she keeps passing

inspection. So you wouldn't mind her moving next door to you? Well, Mrs.

would love to trade.

Be glad to. It's fine.

Your neighbor's the Benson's. For the Bride of Frankenstein, we'll call it a

lend -lease program.

She could take the whole block for all I care. You know, Mrs.

Hendershot would love the suburbs.

Everybody has a dog.

Good night, Christine.

Uh -huh.

Think of the barbecues.

You know, Sarge, no matter what you do, Lassie's not coming home.

Esposito, if you don't have enough work, you'll have to go. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey, Cagney, what do you say? A big fight on the tube at Flannery's?

No, thanks, Becky. I'm busy. No way. You miss a reunification bout.

You don't want your barstool to end up under somebody else's butt, do you? Your

lease is up.

Maybe another time, okay?

Look, I understand.

You had a hard time learning about moderation.

You're forgiven, okay?

There's no reason to give up your whole entire social life.

Victor, if you were my whole entire social life, I'd go to Sweden for a sex

change.

Detective, I'm busy.

Mrs. LaMotta was right. You're very well informed.

I do try to keep abreast of my children's education.

Like I told you, Mrs. Isaacs, commitment is her middle name. Franny, you're way

too generous. If I'd known you were coming, I'd have made cookies.

Listen, Lacey, we want to know what you think. How do you feel about your son's

school?

Is it about sex education?

No. School prayer?

No, Mrs. Lacey. It's about reading, writing, and arithmetic.

Did you see the borough -by -borough scores this week in the Times?

Yes, I did. Did you know that three years ago your son's junior high was in

90 percentile? That's why I got involved, Mary Beth.

That's a drop of 20 points. We wonder if schools today aren't too caught up in

being relevant and committed.

Being committed is not such a bad thing. Yes, but committed to what?

Relevant to whom?

What if Michael's English class stopped learning vocabulary and spent six weeks

making a collage of heavy metal rock musicians?

It happened here in Queens.

I do not know about you, but I don't pay taxes to promote Twisted Sister.

Are you with that group that wants to put ratings on records?

No, really, believe me, Mrs. Lacey.

We're having a meeting tomorrow night, and we would like you and your husband

be there. You know how you always say, get involved?

And you did spend all that time helping Michael read.

Franny, we dealt with that fine ourselves.

How did you deal with that?

Well, we spent more time.

Saturdays and weeknights, you know, spelling out words, going over homework.

And that's what good parents do. Ones like you.

But during those eight hours you're gone each day...

Don't you worry about his teachers, about who else is shaping his mind.

If he was spending six weeks making a collage, I'd know it. Yes, but with all

these things screaming for our attention, our careers, our lives, how

members of the school board can you name?

The president is Mrs. Stein.

And, um,

oh, there's that bull -like man. What's his name?

Peterson. Patterson. Patterson.

Don't worry.

It's so easy to lose touch. I couldn't even name one.

To be honest, we're in a hell of a fix here.

We have turned the power over to a bunch of suits attached to forms attached to

desks.

Why do we always do that with the things that count?

First the doctors, then the lawyers, now the school board.

Everyone else is running our lives.

Mrs. Lacey.

You know what President Kennedy would say to that.

Ask not what your school can do for you.

Ask what you can do for your school.

Go to sleep, babe.

You know what time it is.

Harvey, you cannot shame a person into falling asleep.

You want to go to that meeting, Mary Beth?

I'm behind you 100%, but me, I have got other plans.

You won't consider putting off bowling to another night.

You know, when the kid couldn't read, we worked with him.

Now we can read.

When he has a problem, we deal with it.

Yeah? When was the last time you sat down with him and really talked about

school?

Every time I tried to.

He says, I'm fine, Dad.

You know what it is?

Parents are like cars.

Built -in obsolescence.

Babe, you're in bed with an etzel.

Good night.

Good night.

I try to keep up with his education twice a year. I go down to that school,

try and fit in that tiny little desk, and they talk for ten minutes.

How do they even know they have the right mother?

That's like saying, how do we know the nursery gave us the right baby?

Harvey, a mother knows.

Oh, yeah?

Do you know Harvey Jr., the one who's marching around in that uniform sounding

like Ali North, spouting the kind of bull that comes from the Pentagon?

The kid who's trying to be Top Gun and G .I. Joe all tied up in one?

You want to talk about schools? Fine.

Look who's teaching him politics.

He's not getting that stuff from me.

Maybe we should have dinner early tomorrow.

Do you know where every single textbook in this country is printed, Mary Beth?

Texas. Oh, we can make sandwiches and go early and get a good seat.

Texas.

That's who's setting the standards.

Putting out that kind of drivel that won't offend anyone. Well, it offends me

that no one is offended.

Good night, Harvey. Good night, baby.

We'll talk about Texas tomorrow.

Look what they've done to history, Mary Beth.

Vietnam was a hiccup, a slip, a scab on any of your life.

McCarthy. He was just misunderstood.

You know, Nixon's even beginning to look good again.

Before long, our kids, our hope of the future, they're going to go ahead and

they're going to re -elect them.

That's what they're going to do.

Re -elect Richard Nixon.

You know, I got to hand it to you, Gary.

I've been sitting here wondering, is she really going to make it?

I beg your pardon? She makes it past two months. She makes it past three.

She's breezing past four and five.

And now, just as she's making a turn for home, she goes down.

What are you talking about exactly, Lieutenant? What you do, Sergeant. Go

shoot your mouth off again.

What? You want to sit on that community board for the rest of your natural life?

Three parked cars with the tires slashed. It's a big, hairy deal,

Red uniforms. One of those vehicles happened to belong to the owner of the

missing dog.

Now put a stop to this, Cagney. The DD -5s are piling up to the ceiling. Kiss

the baby and move on.

Sir, the baby is an 80 -year -old woman who refuses to even answer her door.

Well, so what? She can walk, can't she?

I think she snuck out in the middle of the night to go splash tires, sir. Who

knows? She managed to hold two of my very finest at bay, didn't she?

What'd she use on you, huh?

Hypnotism? Her secret decoder ring?

Getting warm.

Hey.

Don't go in there.

She's a witch.

This is Embershot and Sergeant Cagney of the 14th. Can you open the door,

please? I'm here on official police business.

Hey, you don't want to open the door.

There's been a rumor that you've got cockroaches in there.

Big, fat, ugly roaches.

Now, if I have to come back, I'm going to bring the fire department and the

health department and have an on -site mandatory inspection.

Be reasonable, Sergeant. This woman could be evicted. I don't care,

I don't care if we have to take a fire. The house is open.

The defendant's gone.

Detectives. The two of you.

Come on.

Who's the tennis shot?

There have been... Sit!

Thank you.

There have been several rather serious allegations made against you.

Is that pink?

Pink.

Not a good day for Pink.

As I was saying, there have been several complaints.

Go ahead. You're doing great.

Mrs. Hendershot, there have been several complaints about slashed tires on your

block last night.

Simply because I own 14 scimitars? Or is it because of my butcher knife

collection? It seems the little one is most useful on trainer fields.

Did you know that Mrs. Gatlin's daughter claims you accosted her and stole her

dog? That mangy rat.

They stick that rat on me.

Did you know that?

And they breed them.

They do.

I have seen that woman take rats up the stairs to her room and

close the door.

Makes me want to puke.

I can imagine.

Well, just between us, there are some very strange people living in this

building.

Let me get this straight. You don't know anything about any flash tires or

missing dog?

That damn rat again!

Rat!

Mrs. Hendershot, look, we're just two public servants here.

Take a... Here,

take a whiff.

Robot, meet the heat.

Tea.

I insist.

It is my own special blend.

That is a joke, Christine. She was joking.

We'll let Solomon decide that.

What are you going to do? Ask him to test for Yorkie? You know what he's

to say?

The doctor is in.

I can't believe it.

I am rubbing my eyes. It's you.

It's not a mirage. It's like H2O to a dying man.

Don't drool in it. Just analyze it, all right? Ah, Christine, Christine.

You were trembling at the rush of sensations.

What do you think of the place?

Totally mellow, huh? Totally.

Far out? Classy. Ah, Mr. Inge, get a load of that dosage.

Am I your redecorator or what?

And oh, oh, check it out, check it out.

New refrigerator.

Is that where you keep the body part? Just the prized samples and specimens.

Care for a cold one?

No, thanks. I'm watching my food combining. Listen, that's important, all

I need an answer on it. How about ASAP?

You go out with me.

Come on. Come on, please. What do you say? What do you say? You and me.

Saturday night, Roseland.

I'm working on a gold certificate from Arthur Murray.

25 international dances in the language of love.

I'd rather be fed to wild pigs.

I think she's warm enough.

Hey, she's hot.

Why can't they file a hentai shot under H, where it's supposed to be?

Under D for Dottie, or W for totally whacked out.

Christine, I'm your partner.

Normally, your problems are my problems.

But if the lieutenant asked how come neither one of us is working, Katie...

Listen, partner, every time you yell charge, I rush out there on a limb for

Now, if Solomon can't come up with something, he's up to us to make these

happy.

Us? That's right.

If I'm unhappy, you're unhappy.

And if I have to spend the rest of my life on this damn board... She wants to

left alone, Christine. Leave her alone.

All we need is a parking ticket or maybe another missing dog.

I mean, what if she's been chowing down on Pekingese all these years? Then she

sees a little cute one go by, she can't help herself.

What if I go back to the office and pretend like we're both working?

Malochio.

Malochio.

Pardon me.

This is Aunt Nellie. You know, she lives in Charlie's old neighborhood.

She used to hang out the window, screaming about the evil eye.

For fun, she'd go down to the ferry and dance with the sailors, thinking it was

the end of World War II.

Had a shot of Elnora.

Public nuisance, multiple complaints, malicious mischief, disturbing the

Oh, look at this. There's an assault charge.

Look at this.

They put her away in Bellevue.

Great.

First.

I wanted a bris.

Of course.

And they tell me he got circumcised in the hospital. Go figure that out. Well,

maybe it was a baby.

He sat up and said, we're the chosen people.

What's the second prize?

Now, I tell David, I'm putting away money for the bar mitzvah lessons. He

ahead and has a regular connection fit.

Geez, I hear what you're saying, but maybe someone else got to be coming from

the wife.

I try to be a good father -in -law.

We eat kosher cat knees.

What has she got against being Jewish?

Oh. Lieutenant, I think you should face the facts.

I don't think the name Me -Ling exactly brings to mind Bagels and Schmier.

So what?

She was hospitalized for one week 11 years ago. Big deal. A lot of famous

go to the hatch, too.

Yeah, name one.

Thomas Eagleton. Look what they did to that poor guy.

Any Democrat is mentally ill.

What about Arnold Espinosa?

Yeah, a big important.

Uncle Arnold was married to Barbara Mandrell. In his mind.

Must have been a heck of a wedding night.

So the woman is marching to a different drama.

Tripping is the word.

What about all those complaints?

They never went to court.

Okay, the assault charge.

What about that?

What about it? A man shoves her, she shoves him back. You usually call that

-defense. At this point, is it a sin to go see a shrinker? What about the

lieutenant? What about you and me?

According to the psychiatric social worker, the woman redefined the word

eccentric. All those years all alone in that apartment, dusting on, cooking on,

holding amusing little concerts for her neighbors.

You know, I would hate to think that you were beating up on an old lady in order

to make points with Inspector Nelman.

You're right, Mary Bitt. You know how impressed the inspector gets whenever I

haul in an indigent old woman. Poker night, Cagney.

Unless your aunt's sick this month, too.

The executive council of the poker committee has declared you buy because

missed the past four games.

Then you are on the hook for all of it. Thirty bucks.

Okay. And make it a premium brew, Cagney. Something brewed west of

Okay.

Making house calls?

Only if it's time to take your temperature.

Let's not lose our heads.

Listen, listen.

Forget about Roseland.

You and me, we take out the Rambler, we drive upstate for a long weekend of

erotic animated films.

If God wanted Mickey and Minnie to fool around, he would have given them five

fingers.

Detective Solomon, don't you have something for us?

Yes. The results of the test from the sample that you gave me, yes. The sample

contains vitamin A palmitate, niacin, calcium pantothenate, iodized salt,

crude protein, and... Brody, wait. What kind of protein?

Horse. Horse?

You found horse?

That's what I'm trying to tell you.

Somebody killed a horse?

It did. Go play in your own corral. It couldn't be horse. It's dog meat.

Detective Lacey, 14th.

Easy, ma 'am. Say it slow.

Watch my lips. Horse.

We're talking horse.

Stay where you are. We're on our way.

From Elnora Hendershot's building, a Mrs. Simon upstairs.

Her son has been poisoned.

I told you, she poisoned him.

How?

What happened exactly? Look, look. He came running in here, screaming,

his stomach against the pain.

She did it.

That's what he told me? That's good enough for me.

Well, she did what exactly?

Shoved a potato in his face, stuck a pin in it, and told him he was going to get

very, very sick to his stomach.

And he has.

He has.

Excuse me.

She stuck a pin in a potato.

You've never heard of voodoo, Sergeant Cagney?

Oh, I mean, you can laugh.

But no one is safe from her and that thing that she's making.

What thing, ma 'am? Oh, the thing down in the courtyard. I don't know what it

is, but it's pretty damn thick.

You know, I'm sure that there's a perfectly rational explanation for all

this. You bet there is. She's crazy. And I want her out of here now.

Ma 'am, we can't put people in jail without due process.

I don't think you people understand.

She is out of control. Now she's going after our children.

All right, fine.

We'll talk to her, okay?

Those kids are right.

Maybe she is a witch.

I take care of my own problems.

I don't need any help. I don't need you. I don't need any cops.

I take care of my own problems because I have my ways.

Oh, yes.

I have my ways.

Don't worry about me. I have my ways. That bit with the potatoes, is that one

your ways?

Oh, sure. You want a quick arrest.

I will swear out a complaint against him. Go ahead and arrest him.

Arrest who?

Him. What, the little kid?

You want us to arrest a 10 -year -old kid?

If your cat has kittens in the oven, does that mean you get biscuits?

I beg your pardon?

Has been around here all the time, spying on me.

He is a gangster.

How do you think Al Capone got started?

Ma 'am, I doubt it was from looking for a ball in his neighbor's yard. So you

say.

Shall free them to feed... Mrs. Hendershot, the boy's mother said that

spell on him.

We saw him, and he's definitely sick.

Do you believe in sex?

You know how you get...

Be against things.

You think it's easy for me standing up against City Hall?

It's never easy for me.

Cross me again, and I'll bend into Colorado River

toads.

Mrs. Tendershot, jerks or not, you're going to have to learn to get along with

your neighbors.

them. The sea shall free them.

That's the work of yours.

This is, um, it's very, uh, what do you call him?

A vulture.

Not exactly a rocket scientist.

I think what she meant was, does your sculpture have a name?

Don't name your kids till you find out who they are.

When it grows up.

Funny that our thing of hers isn't half bad.

This from somebody whose old car was a smashed cube in their living room.

I mean it. I mean, you see Picasso?

You know that guitar thing he did?

Looks like a cardboard tube with string on it.

Chris, she may not be Margaret Hamilton, but take my word for it, she's not

Picasso either.

Don't forget to buckle your seat. Way ahead of you.

Time for meeting tonight.

Good morning.

Going poker tonight.

They've been ragging me.

You'll be fine, you know.

You're still funny and charming and vivacious and all that stuff. You'll be

fine.

Hopefully a few hands out, a few laughs.

I'm on there for club soda.

You could tell him the truth. No.

Anonymity's what the whole thing's supposed to be about.

No, just tell him when the time's right.

Well, I'm sure you know what you're doing. I'm still me.

Atta girl. There he goes.

Come on, Esposito. Put up or shut up.

I'm out.

I'm busted.

Rue, anyone?

Rue? Yeah.

Tag me, he said west of the Passaic, not under the East River.

You know what they say, it ain't over till it's over.

Attaboy. That's telling her, hombre.

Score one for the big guy.

Okay.

I'll see your 50.

I'll raise it.

Give me a break.

He couldn't even blank.

And I'll raise you.

Grit for my blood.

Okay, sucker.

I'll see your 50.

And... I'll raise you a dollar.

You're just kidding, kid. You ain't getting nothing.

One way to find out.

Come to mama.

Come on, Kat. Yeah, I was right. Come on. What are you holding?

No pay, no peek.

My kid?

My kid has the morality of an alley cat?

Your kid resembles one. Nobody meant it personally. You and that two -faced Emma

Isaacs, you deserve each other.

manicure, Harvey, and the sincere smile, and underneath it all is nothing but a

bunch of lousy book burners. Don't worry, babe.

We'll still be friends. Franny and Artie will get over it. I don't care if they

do. That woman is never coming to my house again.

Nervous dumb people.

Hey, babe, you got a right to be upset that Mrs. Isaac, she fooled you. She

fooled everybody, Harvey.

You saw all those people nodding their heads about the dirty words.

They wanted censor, Romeo and Juliet.

In their version, Harvey, it's going to be about two little teenage kids who are

going to like each other. Oh, baby, you were terrific just jumping up and

hollering. If you'd have been at Salem, they never would have burned the witch.

If you'd have been around during McCarthy, there never would have been a

blacklist. Never.

Hey, did you see the look on Franny's face? The Lamottas and the Bensons and

Mrs. Emma Isaacs, Harvey. These are the great minds that are going to be

deciding our children's future.

Only if there's a majority.

Racists and wife -beaters and dope -growers and book -burners.

This is what we get for upscaling, Harvey.

We don't belong here. We live here.

You remember Gary Cooper in High Noon?

At the end, he threw his badge in the dirt.

Oh, baby.

Oh, sweetie.

Forget it, I'm out.

She'll already won this month's rent and the new boots I picked out.

No. Don't knock if you haven't swum in it, right? I have, and I will.

You're deal, Cagney. Next time it'll be Julie Temple and Roy Rogers and those

guys. Oh, it's a happy couple. Well, it's an unfair advantage.

I say we dump anyone who isn't mad enough to drink the hard stuff.

The first time I whooped your butt across the face.

Used to hurt good.

Now it's just boring.

But to give her a break so she doesn't holler at anybody anymore.

Stand up on a chair and insult people.

Used to be a loud mouth.

Who started you on, Coleman?

Oh, for the good old days.

I'm so sorry. I hope I haven't offended you, Sergeant.

Not at all, Detective.

It's nice to see you're using your head for something.

At least I don't look down my nose at my buddies.

Am I right?

You know, you don't have to be drunk to have a good time. Let me tell you

something. You were never a good time.

Hey, guys, she's waking up.

And who could forget good old Carrosa?

At the Holy Name Society dance, we'd try and pull his pants off over his head.

Of course, and there's that great cut -up Coleman who ralphed all over the

inspector's shoes. Now, that's what I told the mayor of the lab.

Sergeant Cagney.

Yes. Phone call downstairs. They said it was urgent.

I want them out of here.

Calm down, Elnora.

Trespassers. It's going to be all right. They're uniformed officers.

Carpetbaggers.

You stupid.

Stupid. Stupid.

They say that the boy was rushed off to the hospital.

You know anything about that?

If I could have, I would have put him in a stew.

him. Come on, they don't even make jokes about that around here.

Not only that, I would have fattened him up with onions and carrots like my

little Hansel. Not at all. I

didn't

call you here to shrink my skull into me.

I can get into touch with Dr.

Joyce any time I want to. She comes in very nicely over my toe, sir. Lady,

you talk crazy like that. They're going to come and they're going to take you

away.

Do your job.

Just do your job.

Elnora, would you listen to me?

I know you can listen.

I know that you're afraid and I'm not going to do anything to hurt you.

I'm calling social services and see if they can come over here and help.

I don't want any help.

I don't need any help.

You don't even have enough to eat.

You liar.

I'm not lying.

I know budgets do.

I know that you eat horse meat.

Boiled Mr.

Ed's alive.

Had him on cold. Oh, you did not. You didn't kidnap any stupid dog. You went

the store and you spent 69 cents on a can of dog food.

So I checked with the hospital. The boy's going to be fine.

Heard that it wasn't any mysterious voodoo.

The kid's been sniffing glue.

Do you believe people?

They should have called me, Christine.

Of course, the mood I'm in.

Probably better I stay home or I would have smashed a few heads.

You were diplomatic, weren't you?

Trust me.

One more week, I retire as community board liaison.

What is it anyway? Is it the air or what? Too much toxic waste in the food?

Things are getting very scary.

I've never heard a guy complaining that a Norris keeping is selling his co -op.

Makes you wonder. Makes you mad is what it does. Makes you feel anger and

outrage. You're thinking of making a couple of calls here again.

Action. You're absolutely right.

You've got to do something.

Hey, how'd it go with the guys last night?

They like you better as a drunk.

Do you believe people?

Forget it, Ross. It's never done in quarters.

I'm still flat from the last game.

Remember, Cagney?

Well, maybe bingo's your speed, Victor. You're not supposed to hit and run,

Sarge. Right.

But play for fun, Cagney, not for profit.

Ha!

Aviano, Perrier, or sparkling geyser water.

I don't care. Whatever you are drinking, I want a rematch.

I am going to clean their block. Not a chance, Victor.

But double the stakes, you got a game.

Don't forget the lemon twist.

David Bennett, how's it going with the bar mitzvah lessons?

Believe it or not, they're signing him up as soon as he can talk.

Well, you're forced to have the daughter -in -law a little bit of bacon deluxe?

No, no, it wasn't my land. She believes the kids are both cultures.

After all, the kids got both names. Well, David didn't want it. No, Dan?

Here, take a look at him, will you?

Inguyen Sandwich.

Shalom and guillotine.

Hey, Cagney, hold it a second, will you?

Don't forget, we got to go over those divisional briefings from narcotics.

No problem. Just means a little extra overtime.

Such a bad thing, huh?

What, me complain?

Good, so I'll put you down for Tuesday and Thursday.

Tuesday and Thursday night?

Yeah, something wrong?

I can't.

I have plans.

What do you say you cancel the plans? This is important.

Well, so are these.

I'm sorry, Lieutenant. I'm just not available.

What, are you kidding me here? You're my second whip. I've got to get down on my

hands and knees and beg for it? No, Lieutenant.

I'm... Well, then it's settled, right, Captain?

Yes.

I'm... I'm sorry, Lieutenant. I just can't miss these meetings.

Meetings? What kind of meetings?

Oh... Every Tuesday and Thursday I have a commitment.

A -A.

Good for you.

Good for you, Cagney. That's terrific.

But don't worry. I'll find somebody else. No problem.

A -A, huh?

Well, congratulations.

Congratulations. Mr. Chen, look, I just appreciate you didn't say anything to

the others, please.

Oh, no, no. I understand.

It's Elnora Henderson.

The neighbors say she's outside throwing things and yelling. Should we send

uniforms?

What do you know?

You want to tell us about what happened?

You know what I hear?

I don't pretend to read minds.

Oh, come now. Aren't we selling ourselves a bit short?

I doubt very much that anything that happens in this building gets past the

of you.

Oh, yes, he came back.

Isn't that wonderful?

The dog came back and you didn't tell anybody?

Well, I've had a few other things on my mind.

Do you have any idea what you put that woman through?

Sergeant, we are hardly the ones on trial here. Should we arrange that?

You know, if you'd just done your job in the first place, none of this would

have happened. My little boy is in the hospital because of her. Your little boy

is in the hospital for stuffing glue up his nose and you know it.

Now, for three days, we've been yo -yoing back and forth, and the only

can come up with so far is yours.

Excuse me, but whose side are you on, anyway?

I mean, surely you're working for the betterment of this community.

Hey, fine lady, you want a piece? Go ahead.

But take a number and get in line. That will make very interesting news for the

next board meeting.

You know something?

You're nothing but a couple of self -righteous... Roger Cagney, don't you

we ought to go now? All that nice talk about trying to help the children.

Now, we know what all four of us down to, don't we?

Money and property value. Having a hard time unloading your co -op, is that it?

Or is it maybe just because she's not like you?

Oh, fine.

You think coming down here two days in a row makes you an expert.

Well, you try living here year in and year out with that creature downstairs.

And you better hit the road because she's not going anywhere.

So you say, officer.

Let me tell you something.

If anyone so much as bats an eye at her, I'm going to come down on you so fast

it'll make your head spin.

What kind of power do you think you have, Sergeant?

I haven't even gotten warm, lady.

I'll come down on you for noise pollution and jaywalking.

And I promise you, if anybody ever hurts her again, I'm coming after you.

A slashed tire, a broken window. It's your apartment I'm going to search.

And you can spend hours and hours downtown filling out endless and

paperwork.

Because it's your butts I'm going to throw in jail. You got it?

So I just hope that you have a good long -standing relationship with the bail

bondsman because you're going to need it.

Don't forget, I'll be there.

And I'm going to be waiting for you.

Have a nice day.

Well, there's worse things to spend the rest of your entire life on the

community board.

Yeah. Missed the Murrays on limbo night.

This is Pankowski and her son Howard.

Did they buy any of that stuff?

No. But you were terrific.

Terrific. Maybe it's time for the good guys to make a little noise.

Mrs. Tatano?

My name is Mary Beth Lacey. Your daughter Judy's in class with my son

What do you want?

Are you aware there's people trying to ban books in our school?

No. Well, if you have a few minutes, I'd like to talk with you.

Okay. Come on.

Thank you.