All language subtitles for Cagney and Lacey s06e17 Divine Couriers

You got a first -class bunco scam going
here. What I deal in is fame.

It's a disgusting way to make a dollar.
You got a problem with Catholics?

Friends should never discuss religion.
Unless you can prove that there's no

afterlife, I haven't broken any law. The
woman's a screwball.

I want her head on a platter with an
apple in her mouth. Maybe one of us

die, and then if there's no afterlife,
the other one could go arrest her.

Anybody who is sane knows she's guilty,
but there's not a damn thing that we can

do about it.

I was thinking about going as a
stockbroker, but if someone asked me

bonds, I'd be sunk. Or I could go as a
doctor, assuming no one asks advice.

Or you could go as a cop. You might be
able to pull that off. Or a

I work with a lunatic fringe.

Sergeant, don't you think you're going a
little overboard here? Come on, when I

go back to my high school reunion, I
have certain expectations to meet.

I tell Peppermint it's going to be
there. Oh, that makes a big difference.

Come on, she was the prettiest
cheerleader at Teaneck High.

Aha.

Is that who you're hiding your badge
from? I am not hiding anything.

I think I could go as a dentist.

Times have changed, Mary Beth. You don't
have to break out a ball gown to go to

the theater anymore.

Dressing down is the sign of an
individual.

At least I could get a new pair of
pantyhose.

I can make Macy's before they close.

Excuse me, Detective Lacey.

I've got a customer for you.

Moffat. Nathan Moffat. How do you do?
I'm Sergeant Cagney.

It's my wife, Shirley.

She's emptying our joint account.

The barrel's a wedlock, Mr. Moffitt. If
it's her to withdraw illegally, sir, we

can't stop her.

But you've got to.

Somebody's got to. At the rate she's
paying that con woman, we're going to

up broke.

How much money's involved, Mr. Moffitt?

$1 ,250 already and no end in sight.

I mean, how many messages can she send?

I don't know, sir.

Why don't you sit down and we'll start
from the beginning.

What kind of messages?

To her brother, Ira.

Alive and with a pain in the neck.

Six feet under and still causing him
grief.

Mr. Moffat, your wife is paying money to
have messages sent to her dead brother?

Yeah. Divine courier. That's what she
calls her service.

A three -ball whipple. That's what I
call it.

I mean, some people, they got no heart.

You know what I mean?

Well, Detective Lacey will take your
information.

Mr. Muggan?

It's the American way. Find a need and
fill it. It's a disgusting way to make a

dollar. Most people won't buy anything.

They think they need it, they'll sell it
to themselves.

My neighbor Tony, he went to a palm
reader. He swears that every one of her

predictions came true.

She was wrong and he got his money back.

Not easily. She's serving time on a
credit card fraud. But he said that she

tremendous insight.

Do you believe any of that stuff?

No. It depends on the stuff.

Very bad.

What are you doing? Are you crazy?

Hey, don't worry.

Huh.

I'm not.

Why tempt the faith?

I'm a legitimate businesswoman.

Those business happens to be sending
messages to dead people.

I think 50 words or less.

It's original. I'll give you that.

The way I see it, the real tragedy of
death is the sense of things left

Things we neglect to say to our loved
ones before it's too late.

What I offer is a second chance.

I can't begin to express the
satisfaction it brings me. At $250 a

must be pretty satisfying.

Look, lady, we both know you're running
this game here, so why don't you just

give Mrs. Moffat back her money? Oh,
that's impossible.

She has five messages posted, and I
already have the couriers assigned and

for. What'd you do, hire some angels?

No.

Terminal patients.

Let me understand this. You hire people
who are dying to deliver these messages?

That's right.

Well, you can check it out.

And they're paid $50 for each one they
deliver. Do they call you from the great

beyond to verify delivery?

Ladies, ladies.

What I deal in is faith.

Faith that our couriers will get the
message across.

That there isn't a cross to get to.

Well, if you don't believe that, if you
have no faith,

well, I feel sorry for you.

Mr. Moramitz.

How did this woman contact you to make
these deliveries?

Word gets around. My friend Berkovitz,
he told me about this Meshuggah woman

that's offering money to people about to
check out.

I may be a Marxist, but a buck is a
buck.

With due respect, sir, you don't seem
very confident about getting these

messages delivered.

Well, let's put it this way.

When I go... I don't expect Gabriel to
come greet me with a slide trombone.

If she's willing to pay for my Smirnoff
and cigars, who am I to refuse?

She pay you by check or by cash?

Do I look like a greenhorn?

Strictly cash.

Any receipts to show payment, sir?

Receipts? What for?

It's not like I'm going to be around
next year to pay taxes.

Do you think I'm kidding here?

Sir, for all we know, you and Miss Dewey
could be in cahoots. Cahoots?

I'd rather test ice picks for Trotsky.

The woman's a screwball.

You realize that she makes me memorize
all these messages and then comes around

later and has me recite them? On the
other hand, it's a good way to make her

services look legit.

In a capitalist society,

Anything is possible.

Nothing is legit.

Nothing, Kate.

She's a small -time grifter. That's not
what I call it. You heard more of it.

She's laughing all the way to the bank.

Uh -huh. We cannot prove that her
clients aren't getting what they're paid

You said it yourself.

People get manipulated because they want
to be. Nobody puts a gun to their head.

They all have a choice.

Don't tell me about choice. When my
mother was dying, they came crawling out

the woodwork. This one and that one all
trying to sell some religious bill of

goods.

Bunch of scavengers.

Here, Peggy.

Are you there now?

Okay, Kenny, listen, do me a favor and
hold until I can get there.

We'll try, all right?

I'm on my way.

Charlie? On the floor at Flannery's.

You finish my files for me?

Sure.

Hell with her.

I mean, not wanting to marry me is one
thing. There you go. She's refusing to

see me.

She thinks I'm going to come groveling.
She's got another thing coming. Close

the cup, Pop. Please, it's the last
thing you need. A woman walks out and a

ain't worth nothing, no how, no way.

Right. Down the hatch.

It's hot.

Sip it, Charlie.

All right, sip it.

Oh, Chrissy, what am I going to do?

I don't want to lose her.

Give it some time, Pop. Maybe Donna will
change her mind. I told you it's all

over. She said she had enough of me.

She didn't want to be dragged down with
me.

I won't drag her down any place. I just
want to be with her.

So why don't you call her up? Tell her
how you feel. What good would it do?

She won't listen to me.

She doesn't believe in me anymore.

I do, Rob.

Hey, wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

She might listen to somebody else.

Uh -uh, Charlie. No, I mean somebody who
cares enough to try and convince her.

No way. Forget it. But, honey, why not?
I mean, you're my daughter. If anybody

could do it, you could.

Charlie, don't drag me into this. It's
not fair. Please.

Fair?

Who the hell do you know about fair?

You never even wanted this relationship
to work. You never liked Donna from the

first place.

She didn't mind what was best for you.
You never gave her a chance. You always

thought you were better than she is.

Get out.

You know what you are.

You know what you are?

You're a snob.

Just like your mother.

I don't give a damn what you say. I'm
not going to have you blackmail me into

fixing your life. Yeah, sure.

Don't do your poor old daddy favors.

See, the show should let out about 10.

We should be home 10 .30, 10 .40 tops,
huh?

Unless we stop at some cozy little
bistro for coffee after.

If we don't waste any time, we should
have Mom home 11, 11 .15 tops.

Harvey, I'm talking romance here.

You're going to miss a couple of minutes
of Joan Rivers. It's not a big deal.

Maybe Mom feels different.

What do you mean?

I hope those seats are on the aisle.
What would Muriel feel different about?

Did I tell you that Artie and Franny
love this show?

Of course.

She wants some time off to herself.

How much time are we talking?

Three days a week.

For how long? For good.

Thank you.

Harvey. Thank you, pal. I work. You
work.

Who's gonna look after the baby?

I don't know. We'll figure something
out.

Boys can't give it a rest, can they?

They're always at each other's throat.
Honey, it is not the kids.

It's the schlep on the subway.

I could hire one of those cab services.

The fare from her apartment couldn't be
that terrible.

For God's sakes, Mary Beth, she needs
some time to herself. She's not just a

babysitter. She has a life of her own.

I'll talk to her. I already did. That's
enough.

It's enough waiting, don't you think?

It's hard enough for her to bring this
up in the first place. We'll just have

deal with it, that's all.

Probably we're being jerks here. What?

The people with tickets are walking
straight in.

Oh. Go ahead.

Very sporty.

Makes you look 20 years younger.

25 if you're sucking your gut.

You don't think the hair is too much?

Zero misdemeanor. Here we go. The piece
de resistance.

And in 1998, a variant of steel.

A girdle.

It's not a girdle, Becky.

It's a tummy tuck.

Guaranteed to make his high school
cronies think he's an Adonis. Okay, so

it feel?

Terrific, if you don't have to breathe.

You breathe when the cheerleader goes
home.

Claudia thought it was one of the better
ones.

They've got educational toys and outdoor
playgrounds. And they don't even serve

hot meals.

You better brace yourself, Mary Beth.
There's not a lot out there to choose

from. But the staff, they like their
job. They enjoy being with the kids.

see what you think yourself. Give the
director a call.

Thank you.

No, Mark, I'm fine, really.

Just something came up and I'm... Yes, I
know that Bill Collins doesn't come

here very often.

Look, I wish I could get out of it. I
just can't. It's a family thing, and you

know how that is.

Yeah, I'll take a rain check, though.

I'll talk to you later, then.

Thanks, Mark.

Bye.

What family thing?

Gerald wants to see me for dinner
tonight.

You're a good daughter, Christine.

And I can see his hands on the dribble.

Danny, what's the status on that fraud
investigation?

Peggy, you with us here?

Hmm. All right, Lieutenant.

The delivery service to the dead, your
job, one of the cases you're supposed to

be working on? The fake Dewey case, sir.
We're doing what we can.

Considering we can't find a crime yet,
we're going to check with special fraud,

sir. Good. I want that swindler shut
down.

You're not the only one, sir.

You're right on that. I'm getting a lot
of calls from downtown.

Something we can do for you, Miss Becky?

No, I was just passing by.

Throw some guilt at her. She'll come
around.

No, she won't. She'll suck her son on
me. Believe me, in the right hand, guilt

and obligation are very powerful tools.

He broke a date with him. Big deal.

Who is this Mark person, anyway?

Another lawyer. A personal injury
lawyer, no less. What attractive, huh?

-huh.

Okay, so he makes Paul Newman look like
a troll. But I can see him any time,

right? Not with Phil Collins there in
there, if I'm happy out of way. Well,

again, Charlie's the only family that's
happy.

Right.

You know, if you hang family distress in
front of Muriel, maybe she'll talk some

of her friends at you. They'd be
thrilled if you asked. Old people really

that stuff.

I bet if you saw Charlie early enough,
you could get to the closet by

intermission, and I'm sure that Mark
would be very happy to meet you there.

Yeah, maybe.

Only Charlie may want to come over after
dinner and talk a little.

You know, maybe if you tell Muriel that
the kids need her guidance.

For special touch.

Maybe you can put Charlie in a cab.

Maybe.

Bad chance.

You got it.

Catches up a busy little bee here.

This divine courier's been winning fans
all over town.

I take it we're not alone in this
investigation?

You take it right. I've had six teams of
detectives in here already. Each one

more frustrated than the last.

I even had a call from Inspector Nelman.

Well, there's no yellow sheet on him. We
ran it through the computer. Name an M

.O. What an M .O.? I mean, it isn't
enough that she advertises in the

section.

One complainant even claims that she
approached him while he was in the

laying flowers on his mother's grave.

Another time, she interrupted the
cottage service to hand out business

Gotta give her points for initiative.

Some initiative's taking more than it's
to the cleaners.

Oh, detective.

Believe me, I got a whole list of
grifters that I'd like to nail. Some of

are on TV.

Some are in political office.

My hands are tied on this one.

So are yours.

I understand, Mrs.

Goldschlager. Do you have any other
friends?

I already tried her neighbor.

Well, to tell the truth, we're coming up
a little empty on the Dewey case.

Thought maybe you guys could help?

Uh -huh.

I understand.

You too? I thought you Brooklyn Bumper
Busters were such hot shots.

What about that friend you and Muriel
went to Atlantic City with?

Uh -huh.

Aerobics, huh?

Yeah.

Three times a day?

Yes. Invigorating.

Yes. Well, if you hear of anybody that
you think might be interested, I... Uh

-huh. Thank you, Mrs. Goldschweiger.

Goodbye.

I know my ship is bound to come in,
Grady.

I'm getting a little cold and damp
waiting at the dock.

Lizzie?

Got a call you might be interested in.

There's turbans peep over the St.
Beatrice Hospice involving your fraud

Faith, do we?

For one and only.

Thank you.

Yeah.

I'll get back to you, Grady. Just got a
call from the harbor man.

I'm sorry to bother you like this, but
it's my first experience with a hostage

situation. When did it start, Ms.
Benito? About a half an hour ago.

Things like this shouldn't be allowed to
happen here. Dying patients have a

right to their tranquility. If they'd
want to fight, they could go to the

garden.

I want you to arrest that lunatic for
assault and battery. Can you stay away

from my mother? You hear me, parasites?

That, my friend, is entirely up to your
mother.

Come on, you're the rest here. That's
what you are. Come on.

Calm down and keep your hands to
yourself.

What is going on here? You first.

This vulture's been hanging around,
bloodsucking my mother and arresting

fossils.

Bloodsucking. I am offering these people
gang...

But if it makes you feel better, we
currently have Faith Dewey under

investigation for fraud.

I should have done more to her. I should
have belted her right in her

sanctimonious smile. Well, you're lucky
that you didn't, because all you got

right now is disorderly conduct. If Miss
Dewey decides to pursue this matter

further. I'm too busy for this.

I've got over a hundred messages and
only six couriers to do the delivering.

Fifteen messages apiece.

That's a heavy load to haul into
paradise.

You really think I'm a fraud, don't you,
Sergeant?

Oh, come on, Dewey. Show a little pride,
will you? You got a first -class bunco

scam going here.

It's probably one of the best I've ever
seen.

You know, maybe if you were less cynical
and more spiritual, you'd realize

what I offer.

But she's killing my mother.

Mrs. Gorlick, attempted murder is going
to be quite... She's beating her

chocolate when she's supposed to be on a
bland diet. Then...

talking about real faith the kind people
think and never find i'm not in

all their churches not from their priest
their pope their baby you leave the

pope out of it okay don't tell me you
were raised by nuns sergeant

you got a problem with catholics people
need more than a man in a white robe

waving at his flock from a limousine
they need a reason to believe

And that's just what I provide with the
help of my wonderful dying friends.

That would be up to the district
attorney, but chances are you're going

to settle for harassment charges.

Harassment?

Well, that evil woman sucks the life
from my mother.

Can you imagine all the questions
they'll have for me?

White guy.

Did my grandson get into law school?

Has my partner lost the business?

Is Sophie still sleeping with the
Iceman?

Believe me, I'm earning every cent I
make.

Your daughter seems to think that Miss
Dewey is causing you some harm, Mrs.

Osterman. Causing me harm?

At least she visits me.

She pays more attention to me than my
own flesh and blood.

So you don't feel harassed or taken
advantage of?

Oh, let me tell you something, young
lady. When I found out I was going to

I felt scared and empty.

And the Lord gave this woman like an
answer to a prayer.

She gave me more than just a job.

She gives us a purpose, something to die
for.

There he is, there he is, the new kid
I... the block. That's me, Charlie.

Esposito, Esposito. And you got any
relatives in County Cork?

Oh, about as many as you have in San
Juan.

Hey,

you're a funny kid. You know, back in
the old days, the only Puerto Ricans

see in here being handcuffs. But now,
Ricans, Jews, Blacks, what is this

the United Nations?

I remember the Irish used to run the
police force. Now the only Irish you got

around here are a couple of women.

Nothing personal, family.

Here's the printout.

Thanks. Spread those computers.

There's another beauty for you. I used
to know cops that would get bunions the

size of edgels chasing down leads.

All you guys do now is push a button,
tear off a piece of paper, and bingo!

your work is done for you.

That's another way of getting
information, Charlie.

Like a rubber hose, only not as messy.
Hey, don't knock the rubber hose, pal.

my day, that thing got me more
convictions than all your floppy disks

together. Hey, Ralphie!

How are you?

So I got to think, what if the stealth
tech... and drags me aside and wants me

to check her molars. The heck with being
a dentist.

I'll be an optometrist. With all the
glasses I've had, I can fake my way

that. Oh, enough of crying out loud. It
is just a reunion. Have a little faith.

Be yourself.

I'm gonna be myself.

I'm just gonna pretend I'm an
optometrist.

Look, you don't understand my graduating
class. With all the doctors and lawyers

and professional types, they think that
being a cop is close to hauling garbage.

What are

they

getting? Ripped off.

Hi, it's about time you showed up. Hi,
Mary Beth. Hiya, Charlie.

Hiya, Pop. What are you doing here?
Checking up on you, Sergeant, daughter.

You know, you guys got a bunch of old
cases working here you ought to wrap up.

You want to switch positions with me?

Oh, yeah, sure.

Oh, I'm sorry to see you.

Charlie. It's okay.

Now, you sit down. I came by to take my
little girl to lunch. You weren't here,

so I decided to wait.

Well, I have a lot of work I have to
wrap up here, Charlie. Why don't I meet

at the restaurant in a couple of hours?

Oh, hey, terrific, terrific.

Have you talked to Donna yet?

I haven't. I've been busy. Well, you've
still got her number, haven't you?

5554. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm
done.

Madam Ching, 6 o 'clock, right? Be there
or be square.

Hate to run, but I've got to get to a U
.N. meeting.

See you, Mary Beth.

Ah, Sergeant.

Ah, an act of conscience bring you here?

No, Sergeant Cagney, a cab did.

I have been barred from St.

Beatrice's Hospital.

That wasn't their rights, was it?

Oh, I've been through this before. It's
harassment, pure and simple.

Well, maybe who you want to talk to is a
lawyer.

I already have.

I am not guilty of anything.

And you owe me the courtesy of
enlightening my accusers.

Look, lady, I think you have us confused
with somebody who gives a damn about

what it is you want.

Look, if I'd been doing anything wrong,
you would have arrested me, right?

Even if I admitted it's all a scam, what
could you do?

Are you making a confession? Because I'd
be happy to take it down.

Allow me to be candid.

Unless you can prove that there's no
afterlife, I haven't broken any law.

Irritating as that might be, detectives,
I suggest you keep it in mind.

Now, Unless you'd like to hear from my
lawyers, I expect you to make those

calls.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

No doubt about it, we are definitely
persecuting that poor woman.

You know she's guilty.

I know she's guilty.

Anybody who is sane knows she's guilty,
but there's not a damn thing that we can

do about it.

Maybe one of us could die, and then if
there's no afterlife, the other one

go and arrest us.

Did you ever find a sitter?

No, not yet.

Petrie's daycare is all filled up, and
all of Muriel's friends are either busy

or deceased.

Oh, well, maybe we can send one of them
a message.

People want to believe in something,
Christine. That's how come a con like

has customers.

Hey, I keep voting Republican.

Let's not get into politics, okay?

I believe in me, Mary Beth.

Who do you believe in?

My family.

Do Genuflect or Harvey?

I was speaking about our kids, the party
that keeps on going.

So if you don't have any kids, you don't
have anything to believe in?

No, I didn't say that. Well, what?

I believe in the good part of people.

The part... That's the best part that we
are able to be.

The gospel.

According to Walt Disney.

Christine, there are reasons why friends
should never discuss religion.

Mary Beth, pushing our problem back on
mom will not solve it.

Did you like those places we looked at
tonight?

They weren't so bad.

You want to sell for not so bad? Maybe
we could work it up to so -so if your

mother'd give us some time.

She's already given us 16 years, babe.

How am I supposed to send my baby away
from our home and stick it with a bunch

of people she doesn't know? Your baby?

What are you talking about?

You think I don't love our baby? You
think I don't want a home with us all

time? I do, as much as you do. But we
are not millionaires. We are regular

people with a fat mortgage. We both have
to work for a living.

So we send our kid to strangers during
the day. So does everybody else. That is

life in the big city. So you can go
ahead. You can blame Muriel. You can

me. You could blame the ceiling if you
want to. But it doesn't change anything.

I'm sorry, Harvey. I'm not blaming you
or Muriel.

Marybeth, I'm sorry, too. I don't even
know what I'm yelling at you.

Not only Alan.

Who's going to be home for the boys when
school is out?

Harvey. He's old enough.

You really think he's going to come
rushing home to take care of his little

brother? Yeah.

Some days it'll be his job. Other days,
Michael will go to the boys' club or the

Y.

We'll work out a schedule.

Yeah.

It'll be fine, babe.

Honest. Yeah.

I sat on that stool for three hours
because my new key didn't fit the lock.

When?

What are you talking about?

I was 11 years old, and I figured that
the guy in the dive store didn't file it

down enough, so I kept rubbing it on the
sidewalk and trying it again.

And I swore up and down, when I have a
kid, I'm never going to leave the house.

But, hey.

Everybody grows up, right?

Life gets complicated.

Yeah, that's me all right.

Before I lost the war with gravity.

Charlie, can you hear?

No, it was my idea.

I'll bet.

How is he, anyhow?

Thank you.

Another hard night on the old barstool,
huh?

Matter of fact, I just put him to bed.

Look, this wasn't easy for me to come
here.

But Charlie needs you.

Though he says.

Chris, your dad is an alcoholic.

He drags the people closest to him down.

Well, I'm a survivor, honey.

I don't drown that easy.

Well, you don't want to help him, I'll
help him myself.

Oh, so what are you going to do?

Keep searching for bottles?

Keep scraping him up off the sawdust?

He is working you.

Just like he worked me. That's not true.
Oh, no?

Then why isn't he here?

A man pushing 70, sending his little
girl to do his job.

Baby, you are not helping Charlie by
trying to rescue him.

Nobody can help him unless he decides to
help himself.

Chris.

The apple doesn't fall far from the
tree.

What's that, one of your Al -Anon
homilies?

Look.

We both love Charlie.

But unless he faces his problems,
there's nothing you can do.

The hell there isn't.

Any luck finding Quisper, Alice?

Still looking. The place you told us
about was all filled up.

Well, I know they have waiting lists.

The better ones, anyway.

Yeah, even the ones that are only okay.

To say the truth, Marcus, I was not
impressed with any of the places we saw.

All these kids crying, walking around
with wet diapers.

Sound like home, huh?

I hated the whole idea.

You know, the first time I dropped
Lauren off, she didn't want to go.

She started crying.

I sat in the car watching Claudia drag
her inside, feeling like the worst

in the world.

Then, the weekend came.

Lauren started crying because she
couldn't go on Saturday.

Children are very resilient.

More than parents.

Good morning, Christine.

We are up against a big, fat stone wall,
Mary Beth.

Hi, good morning to you too, Mary Beth.

I was just about to say that. I think we
should take a different tack on this

Dewey business. Let's pay the DA a call.
Mary Beth, he cannot feel the case out

of nothing. What I'm saying is we go
pick his brains.

The silver, that ought to take all but
26.

Got a better idea?

Maybe he'll come up with something on
your blue log with your name on it.

Like, smoky in front of a nun.

Or two and a half in front of St.
Patrick's on Sunday.

Whatever works.

Patty, your father's on the phone. I'm
out the door.

You have to tell him sometime, Chris.

I'll tell him after the Knicks game
tonight.

I break his heart now when I can break
it later, right?

Donna's not going to come back to him.

Let him go, she tells me.

Charlie is not my date. I just don't
break up with my father.

Nobody takes care of family like family,
right?

Thank you, Christine.

I didn't mean that the way it sounded.

Maybe we could get an idea from one of
those Al -Anon meetings.

Or you could go to Bermuda.

What?

Yeah, why not?

Better yet, we could go to the
Caribbean. I hear it's very nice there

of year.

We?

Well, I couldn't let you go by yourself,
Christine.

Face it, you need me for your alibi.

If you think undercover, let us buy a
week.

We could go to one of those little
islands where nobody speaks English.

Where nobody wears any clothes.

We have to be walking in the direction
of LaGuardia.

30 minutes, top.

Plane probably leaves every hour.

Sunsets, huh?

Long, white, sandy beaches.

Coconut drinks with little umbrellas.

Swimming from lagoon to lagoon.

And the only exercise I'd get is
fluffing my towel to the side.

Unless, of course, there was some
terribly handsome man lying next to me

needed suntan lotion applied to his
back.

I'd be more than happy to lend a hand.

By the time we get home, Harley will
have already found daycare.

And Charlie will know about Donna.

It's going to be so hurt.

I don't think it's going to be very
strange.

Maury.

Maury, he's the one, right?

Who? Maury Stenbacher. He put you up to
this, right?

Give us a break, Feldberg.

It's just like that little prankster. I
mean, he's always hocking me for a cheap

laugh. Hey, you can tell me, though.

Where's the camera?

You want to cut the vaudeville act?

Hey, I will if you will.

But look, I do want to thank you ladies
for transforming an otherwise boring day

into one that borders on the ludicrous.
Mr. Feldberg, we're looking for some

assistance here. Some direction you
think we might take?

How about out the door?

Oh, he's a professional.

Look, look, look.

I do want to help you nail, if you'll
excuse the pun, this little shepherd of

our nearly departed to her holy pew, if
we have a case.

I, however, do not operate the local
storefront for wayward detectives

quick game of 20 questions.

And, ladies, you are supposedly officers
of the law.

It's not as slow as I thought.

Now, the key word here is law.

Agni, now surely you have some vague
understanding, some inkling of the

of jurisprudence. He's going to do this
anyway, isn't he? Some knowledge of the

concept. We get the point.

Look, you don't like the fact that she's
taking advantage of all these little

old ladies. Neither do I.

Unless it's my ex -mother -in -law, then
open season. I knew we could count on

that.

Look, look, this is not Dodge City.

And you can't lynch someone just because
you don't like their morality.

Case closed.

I talked to her.

And?

I won't come back.

Come on, we'll try again in a couple of
days. Don will come around, you see.

Not me.

Hey, come on, Chrissy. Don't tell me
you're giving up that easy. I mean, what

about all the things I've done for you?

That isn't the point, Charlie.

Please, one more try for your old dad,
huh?

I mean, make her understand how
miserable I am, how broken up I am of

leaving. I can't live without her. Stop
it. I shouldn't have talked to her in

the first place, and you shouldn't have
asked me, and you know it.

A few joys in life.

Nipping at the brandy jar is one of
them.

You're my father. You're okay by me.

Even when I screw up?

Especially when you screw up. Or else
I'm going to know it's you.

You sure know how to take care of your
old man, don't you? I mean, you are

when I need you. Always pick me up when
I'm down.

Listen.

Okay.

You don't owe me anything.

But you better remember this, kiddo.

Nobody is ever going to love you as much
as I do.

Now you have to see it to believe it.

There she was, a stale peppermint, this
year's never, and she's fawning all over

me like I'm dirty Harry or something.

You're kidding.

No, I am not kidding, Becky.

She couldn't believe how exciting my
life must be. She says she admires a man

who lives on the edge. The edge of what?
Your book and desk?

That's just to show you, to thine own
self be true.

Did you let her touch your gun?

Oh, Esposito. My wife was there.

How do things go with Alice Christine?

We found a place.

Great. Something you're okay with?

Harvey has a lot of faith in these
people.

Yeah? Thanks.

How about you? You happy?

No, happy is not a word I would use.

I'd rather wait till she's 16 to send
her out into the world.

Best I can hope for is that she'll get
used to it.

And maybe Petrie's right. Maybe she'll
get to like it.

I don't know if I will.

You're a good mother.

Ask Alice when she's 11.

You've got a customer.

I don't want Millie to think that I
stopped caring, but there just isn't any

more money.

Every month I deposit my check, I never
realized how much I was giving Miss

Dewey.

She encouraged you to spend more money?

Well, she'd ask if I had anything more
to say, and of course I always did.

How I owe for the rent, the lights, the
gas, everything.

Well, we would like to help you, Mr.
Hanson, but you did give her your money

voluntarily.

In other words, I've been an old fool.

Well, thanks for nothing.

What if you have something on her and
don't even know it?

I tell Cagney this, and she will never
let it go.

You don't have a choice.

How's he going to make it through the
month?

Until he stole the bread right out of
his mouth.

I hate it when a con thinks they're
smarter than we are.

Victor has some information that might
be of help.

Yeah, well... It's a little
embarrassing.

Come on, Victor, it's not that big a
deal. It is to me.

What is it, Victor?

Tell him.

I sent a message to my mother.

You what?

Oh, gee, Victor.

Okay, I know I was hustling.

Big for Seth.

If she can actually send a courier to
get a message to my mom... Victor, the

woman is a scam artist.

And a good one.

All right.

I guess I am a chump. Yeah, Victor, you
certainly are.

This is the last straw from that Dewey.
I want her head on a platter with an

apple in her mouth.

Dagny, Lacey, you take her down.

Somehow.

Matter of honor now.

She attacked one of our own.

First they persecuted Jesus.

Now me.

So who's next on the list?

Faith healers?

Astrologers?

Oral robbers?

Oh, give it a rest, Dewey. I mean, you
try to offer succor and comfort, and all

you get is intolerance.

Well, this time I intend to fight it.

Victor Isbecky be a client of yours?

Victor?

Yes, of course.

A sincere, open -minded young man.

Isn't that a coincidence?

Victor's one of our favorites, too.

Yes, not only a close personal friend,
he's also a professional colleague.

Detective Victor Isbecky of the NYPD.

One of the most respected men on the
force. What'd you say, Sergeant Cagney?

Oh, respect is not a word that does
Detective Isbecky justice.

True, this is a man loved and admired by
everybody, rookie and veteran alike.

One of a kind, no doubt about that.

And you ripped him off, Miss Dewey.

Now, Detective, Miss Becky has friends
who will stand behind him. You get my

drift? A cop on every corner, and they
all know your name?

You think you know about harassment,
lady? You don't have an inkling. You

down Fifth Avenue with your shoelace
untied. We'll slap a ticket on you for

infusing the exposure.

Read twice, and the wrong side of the
street will pull you in for

pollution. And the legal system.

so busy. Can you believe it sometimes
takes months for even the simplest cases

to get to court? Innocent people have
been known to stay locked up for years.

You know, it just so happens I was
considering heading further north.

Canada, maybe.

My flock is everywhere.

Well, Dewey, I'd say it's time to get
the flock out of here.

Thank you, Victor. Faith Dewey, during
reprisals from your many fans, has

out of town.

Good. Glad I could be of some help.

You were, Victor. You saved a lot of
grieving people out there from being

That's great.

Thank you, Victor.

Sure.

Detective Becky?

Is there something I can do for you?

I just thought it might be helpful to
get a look at you, that's all.

I'm sorry, I don't understand.

I figured your mother ought to know how
you're holding up.

I want you to know that even though I'm
delivering other messages, your words

are committed to memory.

Victor, I'm going to find your mom.

Tell her how you felt.

How you always loved her.

I will find her.

I truly believe I will.

I have to believe.

We all have to.

They say he moves in strange ways.

It's mysterious, Brandon.

And it's a she.