Original subtitles

You got a first -class bunco scam going here. What I deal in is fame.

It's a disgusting way to make a dollar. You got a problem with Catholics?

Friends should never discuss religion. Unless you can prove that there's no

afterlife, I haven't broken any law. The woman's a screwball.

I want her head on a platter with an apple in her mouth. Maybe one of us

die, and then if there's no afterlife, the other one could go arrest her.

Anybody who is sane knows she's guilty, but there's not a damn thing that we can

do about it.

I was thinking about going as a stockbroker, but if someone asked me

bonds, I'd be sunk. Or I could go as a doctor, assuming no one asks advice.

Or you could go as a cop. You might be able to pull that off. Or a

I work with a lunatic fringe.

Sergeant, don't you think you're going a little overboard here? Come on, when I

go back to my high school reunion, I have certain expectations to meet.

I tell Peppermint it's going to be there. Oh, that makes a big difference.

Come on, she was the prettiest cheerleader at Teaneck High.

Aha.

Is that who you're hiding your badge from? I am not hiding anything.

I think I could go as a dentist.

Times have changed, Mary Beth. You don't have to break out a ball gown to go to

the theater anymore.

Dressing down is the sign of an individual.

At least I could get a new pair of pantyhose.

I can make Macy's before they close.

Excuse me, Detective Lacey.

I've got a customer for you.

Moffat. Nathan Moffat. How do you do? I'm Sergeant Cagney.

It's my wife, Shirley.

She's emptying our joint account.

The barrel's a wedlock, Mr. Moffitt. If it's her to withdraw illegally, sir, we

can't stop her.

But you've got to.

Somebody's got to. At the rate she's paying that con woman, we're going to

up broke.

How much money's involved, Mr. Moffitt?

$1 ,250 already and no end in sight.

I mean, how many messages can she send?

I don't know, sir.

Why don't you sit down and we'll start from the beginning.

What kind of messages?

To her brother, Ira.

Alive and with a pain in the neck.

Six feet under and still causing him grief.

Mr. Moffat, your wife is paying money to have messages sent to her dead brother?

Yeah. Divine courier. That's what she calls her service.

A three -ball whipple. That's what I call it.

I mean, some people, they got no heart.

You know what I mean?

Well, Detective Lacey will take your information.

Mr. Muggan?

It's the American way. Find a need and fill it. It's a disgusting way to make a

dollar. Most people won't buy anything.

They think they need it, they'll sell it to themselves.

My neighbor Tony, he went to a palm reader. He swears that every one of her

predictions came true.

She was wrong and he got his money back.

Not easily. She's serving time on a credit card fraud. But he said that she

tremendous insight.

Do you believe any of that stuff?

No. It depends on the stuff.

Very bad.

What are you doing? Are you crazy?

Hey, don't worry.

Huh.

I'm not.

Why tempt the faith?

I'm a legitimate businesswoman.

Those business happens to be sending messages to dead people.

I think 50 words or less.

It's original. I'll give you that.

The way I see it, the real tragedy of death is the sense of things left

Things we neglect to say to our loved ones before it's too late.

What I offer is a second chance.

I can't begin to express the satisfaction it brings me. At $250 a

must be pretty satisfying.

Look, lady, we both know you're running this game here, so why don't you just

give Mrs. Moffat back her money? Oh, that's impossible.

She has five messages posted, and I already have the couriers assigned and

for. What'd you do, hire some angels?

No.

Terminal patients.

Let me understand this. You hire people who are dying to deliver these messages?

That's right.

Well, you can check it out.

And they're paid $50 for each one they deliver. Do they call you from the great

beyond to verify delivery?

Ladies, ladies.

What I deal in is faith.

Faith that our couriers will get the message across.

That there isn't a cross to get to.

Well, if you don't believe that, if you have no faith,

well, I feel sorry for you.

Mr. Moramitz.

How did this woman contact you to make these deliveries?

Word gets around. My friend Berkovitz, he told me about this Meshuggah woman

that's offering money to people about to check out.

I may be a Marxist, but a buck is a buck.

With due respect, sir, you don't seem very confident about getting these

messages delivered.

Well, let's put it this way.

When I go... I don't expect Gabriel to come greet me with a slide trombone.

If she's willing to pay for my Smirnoff and cigars, who am I to refuse?

She pay you by check or by cash?

Do I look like a greenhorn?

Strictly cash.

Any receipts to show payment, sir?

Receipts? What for?

It's not like I'm going to be around next year to pay taxes.

Do you think I'm kidding here?

Sir, for all we know, you and Miss Dewey could be in cahoots. Cahoots?

I'd rather test ice picks for Trotsky.

The woman's a screwball.

You realize that she makes me memorize all these messages and then comes around

later and has me recite them? On the other hand, it's a good way to make her

services look legit.

In a capitalist society,

Anything is possible.

Nothing is legit.

Nothing, Kate.

She's a small -time grifter. That's not what I call it. You heard more of it.

She's laughing all the way to the bank.

Uh -huh. We cannot prove that her clients aren't getting what they're paid

You said it yourself.

People get manipulated because they want to be. Nobody puts a gun to their head.

They all have a choice.

Don't tell me about choice. When my mother was dying, they came crawling out

the woodwork. This one and that one all trying to sell some religious bill of

goods.

Bunch of scavengers.

Here, Peggy.

Are you there now?

Okay, Kenny, listen, do me a favor and hold until I can get there.

We'll try, all right?

I'm on my way.

Charlie? On the floor at Flannery's.

You finish my files for me?

Sure.

Hell with her.

I mean, not wanting to marry me is one thing. There you go. She's refusing to

see me.

She thinks I'm going to come groveling. She's got another thing coming. Close

the cup, Pop. Please, it's the last thing you need. A woman walks out and a

ain't worth nothing, no how, no way.

Right. Down the hatch.

It's hot.

Sip it, Charlie.

All right, sip it.

Oh, Chrissy, what am I going to do?

I don't want to lose her.

Give it some time, Pop. Maybe Donna will change her mind. I told you it's all

over. She said she had enough of me.

She didn't want to be dragged down with me.

I won't drag her down any place. I just want to be with her.

So why don't you call her up? Tell her how you feel. What good would it do?

She won't listen to me.

She doesn't believe in me anymore.

I do, Rob.

Hey, wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

She might listen to somebody else.

Uh -uh, Charlie. No, I mean somebody who cares enough to try and convince her.

No way. Forget it. But, honey, why not? I mean, you're my daughter. If anybody

could do it, you could.

Charlie, don't drag me into this. It's not fair. Please.

Fair?

Who the hell do you know about fair?

You never even wanted this relationship to work. You never liked Donna from the

first place.

She didn't mind what was best for you. You never gave her a chance. You always

thought you were better than she is.

Get out.

You know what you are.

You know what you are?

You're a snob.

Just like your mother.

I don't give a damn what you say. I'm not going to have you blackmail me into

fixing your life. Yeah, sure.

Don't do your poor old daddy favors.

See, the show should let out about 10.

We should be home 10 .30, 10 .40 tops, huh?

Unless we stop at some cozy little bistro for coffee after.

If we don't waste any time, we should have Mom home 11, 11 .15 tops.

Harvey, I'm talking romance here.

You're going to miss a couple of minutes of Joan Rivers. It's not a big deal.

Maybe Mom feels different.

What do you mean?

I hope those seats are on the aisle. What would Muriel feel different about?

Did I tell you that Artie and Franny love this show?

Of course.

She wants some time off to herself.

How much time are we talking?

Three days a week.

For how long? For good.

Thank you.

Harvey. Thank you, pal. I work. You work.

Who's gonna look after the baby?

I don't know. We'll figure something out.

Boys can't give it a rest, can they?

They're always at each other's throat. Honey, it is not the kids.

It's the schlep on the subway.

I could hire one of those cab services.

The fare from her apartment couldn't be that terrible.

For God's sakes, Mary Beth, she needs some time to herself. She's not just a

babysitter. She has a life of her own.

I'll talk to her. I already did. That's enough.

It's enough waiting, don't you think?

It's hard enough for her to bring this up in the first place. We'll just have

deal with it, that's all.

Probably we're being jerks here. What?

The people with tickets are walking straight in.

Oh. Go ahead.

Very sporty.

Makes you look 20 years younger.

25 if you're sucking your gut.

You don't think the hair is too much?

Zero misdemeanor. Here we go. The piece de resistance.

And in 1998, a variant of steel.

A girdle.

It's not a girdle, Becky.

It's a tummy tuck.

Guaranteed to make his high school cronies think he's an Adonis. Okay, so

it feel?

Terrific, if you don't have to breathe.

You breathe when the cheerleader goes home.

Claudia thought it was one of the better ones.

They've got educational toys and outdoor playgrounds. And they don't even serve

hot meals.

You better brace yourself, Mary Beth. There's not a lot out there to choose

from. But the staff, they like their job. They enjoy being with the kids.

see what you think yourself. Give the director a call.

Thank you.

No, Mark, I'm fine, really.

Just something came up and I'm... Yes, I know that Bill Collins doesn't come

here very often.

Look, I wish I could get out of it. I just can't. It's a family thing, and you

know how that is.

Yeah, I'll take a rain check, though.

I'll talk to you later, then.

Thanks, Mark.

Bye.

What family thing?

Gerald wants to see me for dinner tonight.

You're a good daughter, Christine.

And I can see his hands on the dribble.

Danny, what's the status on that fraud investigation?

Peggy, you with us here?

Hmm. All right, Lieutenant.

The delivery service to the dead, your job, one of the cases you're supposed to

be working on? The fake Dewey case, sir. We're doing what we can.

Considering we can't find a crime yet, we're going to check with special fraud,

sir. Good. I want that swindler shut down.

You're not the only one, sir.

You're right on that. I'm getting a lot of calls from downtown.

Something we can do for you, Miss Becky?

No, I was just passing by.

Throw some guilt at her. She'll come around.

No, she won't. She'll suck her son on me. Believe me, in the right hand, guilt

and obligation are very powerful tools.

He broke a date with him. Big deal.

Who is this Mark person, anyway?

Another lawyer. A personal injury lawyer, no less. What attractive, huh?

-huh.

Okay, so he makes Paul Newman look like a troll. But I can see him any time,

right? Not with Phil Collins there in there, if I'm happy out of way. Well,

again, Charlie's the only family that's happy.

Right.

You know, if you hang family distress in front of Muriel, maybe she'll talk some

of her friends at you. They'd be thrilled if you asked. Old people really

that stuff.

I bet if you saw Charlie early enough, you could get to the closet by

intermission, and I'm sure that Mark would be very happy to meet you there.

Yeah, maybe.

Only Charlie may want to come over after dinner and talk a little.

You know, maybe if you tell Muriel that the kids need her guidance.

For special touch.

Maybe you can put Charlie in a cab.

Maybe.

Bad chance.

You got it.

Catches up a busy little bee here.

This divine courier's been winning fans all over town.

I take it we're not alone in this investigation?

You take it right. I've had six teams of detectives in here already. Each one

more frustrated than the last.

I even had a call from Inspector Nelman.

Well, there's no yellow sheet on him. We ran it through the computer. Name an M

.O. What an M .O.? I mean, it isn't enough that she advertises in the

section.

One complainant even claims that she approached him while he was in the

laying flowers on his mother's grave.

Another time, she interrupted the cottage service to hand out business

Gotta give her points for initiative.

Some initiative's taking more than it's to the cleaners.

Oh, detective.

Believe me, I got a whole list of grifters that I'd like to nail. Some of

are on TV.

Some are in political office.

My hands are tied on this one.

So are yours.

I understand, Mrs.

Goldschlager. Do you have any other friends?

I already tried her neighbor.

Well, to tell the truth, we're coming up a little empty on the Dewey case.

Thought maybe you guys could help?

Uh -huh.

I understand.

You too? I thought you Brooklyn Bumper Busters were such hot shots.

What about that friend you and Muriel went to Atlantic City with?

Uh -huh.

Aerobics, huh?

Yeah.

Three times a day?

Yes. Invigorating.

Yes. Well, if you hear of anybody that you think might be interested, I... Uh

-huh. Thank you, Mrs. Goldschweiger.

Goodbye.

I know my ship is bound to come in, Grady.

I'm getting a little cold and damp waiting at the dock.

Lizzie?

Got a call you might be interested in.

There's turbans peep over the St. Beatrice Hospice involving your fraud

Faith, do we?

For one and only.

Thank you.

Yeah.

I'll get back to you, Grady. Just got a call from the harbor man.

I'm sorry to bother you like this, but it's my first experience with a hostage

situation. When did it start, Ms. Benito? About a half an hour ago.

Things like this shouldn't be allowed to happen here. Dying patients have a

right to their tranquility. If they'd want to fight, they could go to the

garden.

I want you to arrest that lunatic for assault and battery. Can you stay away

from my mother? You hear me, parasites?

That, my friend, is entirely up to your mother.

Come on, you're the rest here. That's what you are. Come on.

Calm down and keep your hands to yourself.

What is going on here? You first.

This vulture's been hanging around, bloodsucking my mother and arresting

fossils.

Bloodsucking. I am offering these people gang...

But if it makes you feel better, we currently have Faith Dewey under

investigation for fraud.

I should have done more to her. I should have belted her right in her

sanctimonious smile. Well, you're lucky that you didn't, because all you got

right now is disorderly conduct. If Miss Dewey decides to pursue this matter

further. I'm too busy for this.

I've got over a hundred messages and only six couriers to do the delivering.

Fifteen messages apiece.

That's a heavy load to haul into paradise.

You really think I'm a fraud, don't you, Sergeant?

Oh, come on, Dewey. Show a little pride, will you? You got a first -class bunco

scam going here.

It's probably one of the best I've ever seen.

You know, maybe if you were less cynical and more spiritual, you'd realize

what I offer.

But she's killing my mother.

Mrs. Gorlick, attempted murder is going to be quite... She's beating her

chocolate when she's supposed to be on a bland diet. Then...

talking about real faith the kind people think and never find i'm not in

all their churches not from their priest their pope their baby you leave the

pope out of it okay don't tell me you were raised by nuns sergeant

you got a problem with catholics people need more than a man in a white robe

waving at his flock from a limousine they need a reason to believe

And that's just what I provide with the help of my wonderful dying friends.

That would be up to the district attorney, but chances are you're going

to settle for harassment charges.

Harassment?

Well, that evil woman sucks the life from my mother.

Can you imagine all the questions they'll have for me?

White guy.

Did my grandson get into law school?

Has my partner lost the business?

Is Sophie still sleeping with the Iceman?

Believe me, I'm earning every cent I make.

Your daughter seems to think that Miss Dewey is causing you some harm, Mrs.

Osterman. Causing me harm?

At least she visits me.

She pays more attention to me than my own flesh and blood.

So you don't feel harassed or taken advantage of?

Oh, let me tell you something, young lady. When I found out I was going to

I felt scared and empty.

And the Lord gave this woman like an answer to a prayer.

She gave me more than just a job.

She gives us a purpose, something to die for.

There he is, there he is, the new kid I... the block. That's me, Charlie.

Esposito, Esposito. And you got any relatives in County Cork?

Oh, about as many as you have in San Juan.

Hey,

you're a funny kid. You know, back in the old days, the only Puerto Ricans

see in here being handcuffs. But now, Ricans, Jews, Blacks, what is this

the United Nations?

I remember the Irish used to run the police force. Now the only Irish you got

around here are a couple of women.

Nothing personal, family.

Here's the printout.

Thanks. Spread those computers.

There's another beauty for you. I used to know cops that would get bunions the

size of edgels chasing down leads.

All you guys do now is push a button, tear off a piece of paper, and bingo!

your work is done for you.

That's another way of getting information, Charlie.

Like a rubber hose, only not as messy. Hey, don't knock the rubber hose, pal.

my day, that thing got me more convictions than all your floppy disks

together. Hey, Ralphie!

How are you?

So I got to think, what if the stealth tech... and drags me aside and wants me

to check her molars. The heck with being a dentist.

I'll be an optometrist. With all the glasses I've had, I can fake my way

that. Oh, enough of crying out loud. It is just a reunion. Have a little faith.

Be yourself.

I'm gonna be myself.

I'm just gonna pretend I'm an optometrist.

Look, you don't understand my graduating class. With all the doctors and lawyers

and professional types, they think that being a cop is close to hauling garbage.

What are

they

getting? Ripped off.

Hi, it's about time you showed up. Hi, Mary Beth. Hiya, Charlie.

Hiya, Pop. What are you doing here? Checking up on you, Sergeant, daughter.

You know, you guys got a bunch of old cases working here you ought to wrap up.

You want to switch positions with me?

Oh, yeah, sure.

Oh, I'm sorry to see you.

Charlie. It's okay.

Now, you sit down. I came by to take my little girl to lunch. You weren't here,

so I decided to wait.

Well, I have a lot of work I have to wrap up here, Charlie. Why don't I meet

at the restaurant in a couple of hours?

Oh, hey, terrific, terrific.

Have you talked to Donna yet?

I haven't. I've been busy. Well, you've still got her number, haven't you?

5554. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done.

Madam Ching, 6 o 'clock, right? Be there or be square.

Hate to run, but I've got to get to a U .N. meeting.

See you, Mary Beth.

Ah, Sergeant.

Ah, an act of conscience bring you here?

No, Sergeant Cagney, a cab did.

I have been barred from St.

Beatrice's Hospital.

That wasn't their rights, was it?

Oh, I've been through this before. It's harassment, pure and simple.

Well, maybe who you want to talk to is a lawyer.

I already have.

I am not guilty of anything.

And you owe me the courtesy of enlightening my accusers.

Look, lady, I think you have us confused with somebody who gives a damn about

what it is you want.

Look, if I'd been doing anything wrong, you would have arrested me, right?

Even if I admitted it's all a scam, what could you do?

Are you making a confession? Because I'd be happy to take it down.

Allow me to be candid.

Unless you can prove that there's no afterlife, I haven't broken any law.

Irritating as that might be, detectives, I suggest you keep it in mind.

Now, Unless you'd like to hear from my lawyers, I expect you to make those

calls.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

No doubt about it, we are definitely persecuting that poor woman.

You know she's guilty.

I know she's guilty.

Anybody who is sane knows she's guilty, but there's not a damn thing that we can

do about it.

Maybe one of us could die, and then if there's no afterlife, the other one

go and arrest us.

Did you ever find a sitter?

No, not yet.

Petrie's daycare is all filled up, and all of Muriel's friends are either busy

or deceased.

Oh, well, maybe we can send one of them a message.

People want to believe in something, Christine. That's how come a con like

has customers.

Hey, I keep voting Republican.

Let's not get into politics, okay?

I believe in me, Mary Beth.

Who do you believe in?

My family.

Do Genuflect or Harvey?

I was speaking about our kids, the party that keeps on going.

So if you don't have any kids, you don't have anything to believe in?

No, I didn't say that. Well, what?

I believe in the good part of people.

The part... That's the best part that we are able to be.

The gospel.

According to Walt Disney.

Christine, there are reasons why friends should never discuss religion.

Mary Beth, pushing our problem back on mom will not solve it.

Did you like those places we looked at tonight?

They weren't so bad.

You want to sell for not so bad? Maybe we could work it up to so -so if your

mother'd give us some time.

She's already given us 16 years, babe.

How am I supposed to send my baby away from our home and stick it with a bunch

of people she doesn't know? Your baby?

What are you talking about?

You think I don't love our baby? You think I don't want a home with us all

time? I do, as much as you do. But we are not millionaires. We are regular

people with a fat mortgage. We both have to work for a living.

So we send our kid to strangers during the day. So does everybody else. That is

life in the big city. So you can go ahead. You can blame Muriel. You can

me. You could blame the ceiling if you want to. But it doesn't change anything.

I'm sorry, Harvey. I'm not blaming you or Muriel.

Marybeth, I'm sorry, too. I don't even know what I'm yelling at you.

Not only Alan.

Who's going to be home for the boys when school is out?

Harvey. He's old enough.

You really think he's going to come rushing home to take care of his little

brother? Yeah.

Some days it'll be his job. Other days, Michael will go to the boys' club or the

Y.

We'll work out a schedule.

Yeah.

It'll be fine, babe.

Honest. Yeah.

I sat on that stool for three hours because my new key didn't fit the lock.

When?

What are you talking about?

I was 11 years old, and I figured that the guy in the dive store didn't file it

down enough, so I kept rubbing it on the sidewalk and trying it again.

And I swore up and down, when I have a kid, I'm never going to leave the house.

But, hey.

Everybody grows up, right?

Life gets complicated.

Yeah, that's me all right.

Before I lost the war with gravity.

Charlie, can you hear?

No, it was my idea.

I'll bet.

How is he, anyhow?

Thank you.

Another hard night on the old barstool, huh?

Matter of fact, I just put him to bed.

Look, this wasn't easy for me to come here.

But Charlie needs you.

Though he says.

Chris, your dad is an alcoholic.

He drags the people closest to him down.

Well, I'm a survivor, honey.

I don't drown that easy.

Well, you don't want to help him, I'll help him myself.

Oh, so what are you going to do?

Keep searching for bottles?

Keep scraping him up off the sawdust?

He is working you.

Just like he worked me. That's not true. Oh, no?

Then why isn't he here?

A man pushing 70, sending his little girl to do his job.

Baby, you are not helping Charlie by trying to rescue him.

Nobody can help him unless he decides to help himself.

Chris.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

What's that, one of your Al -Anon homilies?

Look.

We both love Charlie.

But unless he faces his problems, there's nothing you can do.

The hell there isn't.

Any luck finding Quisper, Alice?

Still looking. The place you told us about was all filled up.

Well, I know they have waiting lists.

The better ones, anyway.

Yeah, even the ones that are only okay.

To say the truth, Marcus, I was not impressed with any of the places we saw.

All these kids crying, walking around with wet diapers.

Sound like home, huh?

I hated the whole idea.

You know, the first time I dropped Lauren off, she didn't want to go.

She started crying.

I sat in the car watching Claudia drag her inside, feeling like the worst

in the world.

Then, the weekend came.

Lauren started crying because she couldn't go on Saturday.

Children are very resilient.

More than parents.

Good morning, Christine.

We are up against a big, fat stone wall, Mary Beth.

Hi, good morning to you too, Mary Beth.

I was just about to say that. I think we should take a different tack on this

Dewey business. Let's pay the DA a call. Mary Beth, he cannot feel the case out

of nothing. What I'm saying is we go pick his brains.

The silver, that ought to take all but 26.

Got a better idea?

Maybe he'll come up with something on your blue log with your name on it.

Like, smoky in front of a nun.

Or two and a half in front of St. Patrick's on Sunday.

Whatever works.

Patty, your father's on the phone. I'm out the door.

You have to tell him sometime, Chris.

I'll tell him after the Knicks game tonight.

I break his heart now when I can break it later, right?

Donna's not going to come back to him.

Let him go, she tells me.

Charlie is not my date. I just don't break up with my father.

Nobody takes care of family like family, right?

Thank you, Christine.

I didn't mean that the way it sounded.

Maybe we could get an idea from one of those Al -Anon meetings.

Or you could go to Bermuda.

What?

Yeah, why not?

Better yet, we could go to the Caribbean. I hear it's very nice there

of year.

We?

Well, I couldn't let you go by yourself, Christine.

Face it, you need me for your alibi.

If you think undercover, let us buy a week.

We could go to one of those little islands where nobody speaks English.

Where nobody wears any clothes.

We have to be walking in the direction of LaGuardia.

30 minutes, top.

Plane probably leaves every hour.

Sunsets, huh?

Long, white, sandy beaches.

Coconut drinks with little umbrellas.

Swimming from lagoon to lagoon.

And the only exercise I'd get is fluffing my towel to the side.

Unless, of course, there was some terribly handsome man lying next to me

needed suntan lotion applied to his back.

I'd be more than happy to lend a hand.

By the time we get home, Harley will have already found daycare.

And Charlie will know about Donna.

It's going to be so hurt.

I don't think it's going to be very strange.

Maury.

Maury, he's the one, right?

Who? Maury Stenbacher. He put you up to this, right?

Give us a break, Feldberg.

It's just like that little prankster. I mean, he's always hocking me for a cheap

laugh. Hey, you can tell me, though.

Where's the camera?

You want to cut the vaudeville act?

Hey, I will if you will.

But look, I do want to thank you ladies for transforming an otherwise boring day

into one that borders on the ludicrous. Mr. Feldberg, we're looking for some

assistance here. Some direction you think we might take?

How about out the door?

Oh, he's a professional.

Look, look, look.

I do want to help you nail, if you'll excuse the pun, this little shepherd of

our nearly departed to her holy pew, if we have a case.

I, however, do not operate the local storefront for wayward detectives

quick game of 20 questions.

And, ladies, you are supposedly officers of the law.

It's not as slow as I thought.

Now, the key word here is law.

Agni, now surely you have some vague understanding, some inkling of the

of jurisprudence. He's going to do this anyway, isn't he? Some knowledge of the

concept. We get the point.

Look, you don't like the fact that she's taking advantage of all these little

old ladies. Neither do I.

Unless it's my ex -mother -in -law, then open season. I knew we could count on

that.

Look, look, this is not Dodge City.

And you can't lynch someone just because you don't like their morality.

Case closed.

I talked to her.

And?

I won't come back.

Come on, we'll try again in a couple of days. Don will come around, you see.

Not me.

Hey, come on, Chrissy. Don't tell me you're giving up that easy. I mean, what

about all the things I've done for you?

That isn't the point, Charlie.

Please, one more try for your old dad, huh?

I mean, make her understand how miserable I am, how broken up I am of

leaving. I can't live without her. Stop it. I shouldn't have talked to her in

the first place, and you shouldn't have asked me, and you know it.

A few joys in life.

Nipping at the brandy jar is one of them.

You're my father. You're okay by me.

Even when I screw up?

Especially when you screw up. Or else I'm going to know it's you.

You sure know how to take care of your old man, don't you? I mean, you are

when I need you. Always pick me up when I'm down.

Listen.

Okay.

You don't owe me anything.

But you better remember this, kiddo.

Nobody is ever going to love you as much as I do.

Now you have to see it to believe it.

There she was, a stale peppermint, this year's never, and she's fawning all over

me like I'm dirty Harry or something.

You're kidding.

No, I am not kidding, Becky.

She couldn't believe how exciting my life must be. She says she admires a man

who lives on the edge. The edge of what? Your book and desk?

That's just to show you, to thine own self be true.

Did you let her touch your gun?

Oh, Esposito. My wife was there.

How do things go with Alice Christine?

We found a place.

Great. Something you're okay with?

Harvey has a lot of faith in these people.

Yeah? Thanks.

How about you? You happy?

No, happy is not a word I would use.

I'd rather wait till she's 16 to send her out into the world.

Best I can hope for is that she'll get used to it.

And maybe Petrie's right. Maybe she'll get to like it.

I don't know if I will.

You're a good mother.

Ask Alice when she's 11.

You've got a customer.

I don't want Millie to think that I stopped caring, but there just isn't any

more money.

Every month I deposit my check, I never realized how much I was giving Miss

Dewey.

She encouraged you to spend more money?

Well, she'd ask if I had anything more to say, and of course I always did.

How I owe for the rent, the lights, the gas, everything.

Well, we would like to help you, Mr. Hanson, but you did give her your money

voluntarily.

In other words, I've been an old fool.

Well, thanks for nothing.

What if you have something on her and don't even know it?

I tell Cagney this, and she will never let it go.

You don't have a choice.

How's he going to make it through the month?

Until he stole the bread right out of his mouth.

I hate it when a con thinks they're smarter than we are.

Victor has some information that might be of help.

Yeah, well... It's a little embarrassing.

Come on, Victor, it's not that big a deal. It is to me.

What is it, Victor?

Tell him.

I sent a message to my mother.

You what?

Oh, gee, Victor.

Okay, I know I was hustling.

Big for Seth.

If she can actually send a courier to get a message to my mom... Victor, the

woman is a scam artist.

And a good one.

All right.

I guess I am a chump. Yeah, Victor, you certainly are.

This is the last straw from that Dewey. I want her head on a platter with an

apple in her mouth.

Dagny, Lacey, you take her down.

Somehow.

Matter of honor now.

She attacked one of our own.

First they persecuted Jesus.

Now me.

So who's next on the list?

Faith healers?

Astrologers?

Oral robbers?

Oh, give it a rest, Dewey. I mean, you try to offer succor and comfort, and all

you get is intolerance.

Well, this time I intend to fight it.

Victor Isbecky be a client of yours?

Victor?

Yes, of course.

A sincere, open -minded young man.

Isn't that a coincidence?

Victor's one of our favorites, too.

Yes, not only a close personal friend, he's also a professional colleague.

Detective Victor Isbecky of the NYPD.

One of the most respected men on the force. What'd you say, Sergeant Cagney?

Oh, respect is not a word that does Detective Isbecky justice.

True, this is a man loved and admired by everybody, rookie and veteran alike.

One of a kind, no doubt about that.

And you ripped him off, Miss Dewey.

Now, Detective, Miss Becky has friends who will stand behind him. You get my

drift? A cop on every corner, and they all know your name?

You think you know about harassment, lady? You don't have an inkling. You

down Fifth Avenue with your shoelace untied. We'll slap a ticket on you for

infusing the exposure.

Read twice, and the wrong side of the street will pull you in for

pollution. And the legal system.

so busy. Can you believe it sometimes takes months for even the simplest cases

to get to court? Innocent people have been known to stay locked up for years.

You know, it just so happens I was considering heading further north.

Canada, maybe.

My flock is everywhere.

Well, Dewey, I'd say it's time to get the flock out of here.

Thank you, Victor. Faith Dewey, during reprisals from your many fans, has

out of town.

Good. Glad I could be of some help.

You were, Victor. You saved a lot of grieving people out there from being

That's great.

Thank you, Victor.

Sure.

Detective Becky?

Is there something I can do for you?

I just thought it might be helpful to get a look at you, that's all.

I'm sorry, I don't understand.

I figured your mother ought to know how you're holding up.

I want you to know that even though I'm delivering other messages, your words

are committed to memory.

Victor, I'm going to find your mom.

Tell her how you felt.

How you always loved her.

I will find her.

I truly believe I will.

I have to believe.

We all have to.

They say he moves in strange ways.

It's mysterious, Brandon.

And it's a she.