Original subtitles

Oh, come on, Cagney. Women love to plan parties. You want to do this dinner?

Yes. You want to do this dinner?

I would rather skinny dip with a perron. We're going to need some help with

this. Now he wants entertainment.

There is not enough money in the budget for entertainment.

Maybe we could rent one of those swans that spit champagne.

I remember a division dinner where they did this takeoff on this Broadway show.

They called it My Fair Precinct. How come you get to do the big number? I'm

sleeping with the producer. The show must go on.

I gave it water. I gave it fertilizer.

I don't know what else to do.

I think it's time to carry it to the window for one last look at the heather.

Good morning, Marcus.

Morning, Christine.

I have to skip lunch today. I've got to go out and buy a whole bunch of roses.

Well, if you want foliage, you probably can get Petrie's plant for nothing.

I'm going to sell them.

I'm out of this pinafore.

Is this the cutest thing you ever saw in your whole life?

It's exactly like Alice in Wonderland, except it's going to have little roses

all along the hem.

I have to finish it by Thursday. Is 7 o 'clock all right with you?

7 o 'clock?

Alice's first birthday.

Don't tell me you forgot her party.

Of course I didn't forget it.

She's my namesake. I thought we would all dress up.

I'll wear my tiara.

Everybody listen up.

The honor of 14th has been challenged.

Something tells me I had dinner with Captain Gompert of the 8th.

Last night I had dinner with Captain Gompert of the 8th.

He tells me that they are going to take for the third year in a row the division

trophy for the highest clearance rate.

Yeah, but we won the football pool.

For years now we have been in the bottom half of the division and I'm getting

tired of Gompert rubbing my nose in it.

We got until Friday, 5 o 'clock, to up our rate.

We are as good as the eight.

But why haven't we won?

Paperwork.

We have closed a lot of cases, but we just have not processed the fives to

it.

I got a fancy lunch riding on this.

So let's get up out of this cellar.

Thank you, Vince Lombardi.

Well, Victor, it's your moment of truth.

Now you have to change the ribbon in your typewriter.

Sergeant Coleman, could you dig up the file of our outstanding warrants,

Take a number.

I'll put you on the list, Detective Lacey.

Thank you.

Cagney, Cagney, Cagney.

Inspector, Inspector, Inspector.

Detective Lacey, official department business?

Yes, sir.

I mean, no, sir.

I was putting it away, sir.

I have here a special assignment that just cropped up, and I'm going to give

you first crack at it.

I'm listening.

The chairman of the committee for the division dinner had to drop out for

reasons of health, and I need someone with your leadership ability to take

the job.

No one else available, Inspector?

Oh, come on, Cagney. Women love to plan parties.

Not this one.

Besides, the man over there in the office has me up to my leadership and

paperwork. You have a great committee.

There's Ralph Steerer I. Now, you know him, the blue blimp.

He and that Yenta Gladys have been doing this dinner for years.

All you have to do is breeze in with the last -minute details and you walk away

with all the credit.

Good morning, Inspector.

Come on back to my office. I'll heat you up a Danish. No, thanks, Bert. I have

to talk in a second with...

If you will excuse us.

What's going on?

He's trying to sweet -talk her into organizing the division dinner, sir.

Can he? I know.

When pigs fly.

Yes, sir.

Give up, Inspector. There's nothing you can say to change my mind. You know the

big surprise? Distinguished Service Award.

This year we're giving it to Samuels.

The dinner is for him.

How'd you get rid of him so fast?

I gave in. You what?

He was very persuasive.

I know what he's doing.

He plays racquetball with Gumford.

So he figures he can tie up my second whip and then the eighth is going to win

again? Well, I'm going to call now and I'm going to get you off of this

committee. No!

Don't you see he's trying to sandbag us? I need you on his clearance rate. I can

handle it, Lieutenant. I promise you I will not let the dinner interfere with

work. You want to do this dinner?

Yes.

Oh, yeah, I see. Sure, you want to score some points downtown, huh? Well, do it!

on your own time.

I hate this dinner already.

You want to do this dinner? I would rather skinny dip with a piranha.

I'm going to eat my committee in a half hour at the bank, but all I need is a

steak to get me there.

Wouldn't you love to connect those dollars? Detective Lacey, this one's a

grounder. She wants to report a stolen ring, and she knows who's got it. That's

right. It had diamonds and sapphires.

You see, I gave it to my boyfriend to have it repaired.

But now that we've broken up, he won't give it back.

Well, it must be taken by force. I'm not sure we have a crime, Miss Mullins.

But she don't understand.

That ring belonged to my grandmother.

If she was alive, she'd die.

There, there, pretty lady. Please don't cry.

I have a cousin in jewelry.

Call him at this number. He's going to fix you right up.

That's your number, Mr. Zito. Sergeant, we can file this complaint on a

misapplication of property.

You're not going to put him in prison, are you? Well, we usually start with a

friendly visit before we throw anybody in the tower.

That's a little police humor, ma 'am.

I'm going to need some information on the gentleman.

His name is Ted.

Delmore. He has beautiful, smooth olive skin, rippling muscles, sexy mustache,

dark bedroom eyes.

Really? And he says he's 34, but between us, I think he's a little bit older.

Well, actually, all I need to know is where to get hold of him. Oh.

Bingo!

He's the guy that's been flashing a half a block from the banquet hall.

Is today my lucky day or what?

Delmore? D -E -L -M -O -R -E.

Rippling muscles.

R -I -P -P -L. That's all right.

Have either of you detectives made sure that this is going to be fixed by Friday

night? I don't think we can push them too hard, considering that they've

the whole.

They donated it?

According to the budget here, it says that we're paying... $300.

I don't remember that.

Oh, it's right here in black and white.

Uh... Oh, I'll tell you what happened.

We budgeted for that amount because that's what they usually charge.

Then when they donated the haul, we were too busy to change it.

That's right.

Ralph will have to send them a thank you note.

Who's in charge of cleaning up?

Hey, Ralph, did you tell him about the cannoli?

Cannoli? The little Italian pastries Ralph found out Sandals loves them.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, we'll have cannoli.

I don't see any reason to have to drive all the way to Flatbush unless, of

course, somebody's sleeping with the caterer.

Hey, hey, that's my sister you're talking about.

Your sister?

Why not? We're getting the flowers from Gladys' father and he's all the way out

on Staten Island.

Your own father? would charge us double what we normally pay?

Excuse me, Sergeant.

If you're going to start making changes, I'll tell Nelman we're not responsible.

Hi. Sorry I took so long.

Must have been some meeting. Here, here.

I got you something for Elizabeth's party.

Oh, Christine.

This is so...

Well, sometimes people need help with parties.

Take back the phone.

Mary Beth, I need your help. All right, I had to dump the committee. They're

trying to rip us off. We even have to get a new banquet hall.

Christine, I am busy with the baby's birthday.

So can't you do it next week? It's not like she's got a calendar in her crib.

This is her first birthday, and we are going to celebrate it on her birthday.

See, that's how we do things. Christmas on the 25th, Easter's on Sundays, and

birthdays on birthdays.

Mary Beth, this dinner is important, too. Can't you do both? No.

clearance rate. Mary Beth, you are so organized, so full -time job, running a

household. This is one of the things I admire most about you. Now, a little

thing like this isn't going to faze you.

All right, Mary Beth.

I'm not supposed to tell you this because it's a secret.

This dinner is for Samuels.

Now, see, we've got to get the banquet hall first. Christine, I'm sorry, but

every once in a great while, my family has to come first.

I wasn't going to mention this, Mary Beth, but if you'll remember, I did go

through the Lamaze crisis with you to back up Harvey.

Not to mention the fact that I got you to the hospital on time. If it were not

for me, I was going to have been born on the Queensborough Bridge. This is not

fair. My life lagging on speeding track.

Well, this dinner is my baby, Mary Beth.

And the due date is Friday.

Delmore exterminators, we kill bugs the American way.

Oh, yes, Harry, hold on.

I'll tell him.

Thank you. Bye.

Miss Mola, I'm a little confused. Didn't you tell us that this is where Mr.

Delmore works?

It is. He's my boss. I'll tell him you're here.

One second.

That must be rough, huh? Breaking up with your boyfriend, he's still your

They're right when they say you should never fool around at work.

Maybe they've never seen Ted Delmore's rippling muscles or flashing bedroom

eyes. I didn't think you picked up on that.

Mind of a great detective.

Uh -huh.

This is Mr. Delmore.

Excuse me.

Mr. Delmore?

I'm Sergeant Tagney. This is Detective Lacey.

I don't understand.

Is something wrong?

We understand that you're in possession of a ring belonging to Miss Muller.

She wants it back.

Oh, for Pete's sake.

Did she also happen to mention that she is in possession of my five -speed food

processor? And just between us homo sapiens, it's worth a heck of a lot more

than that crummy ring.

That well may be, Mr. Delmore, but she has filed a formal complaint.

And by keeping her ring, you're guilty of a Class A misdemeanor for what you

consider up to one year in prison.

All right. and I'll give it back.

Fine. So we can inform Ms. Muller that you'll be returning her ring tomorrow?

Sure. I knew I should have gotten involved with her.

But there was something about the way she filed.

Now, normally, I would say for a departmental function, blue balloons.

this case, I think multicolor is more effective.

Mary Beth, I don't think balloons are quite what we want.

Oh, yes, they are, Chris.

Because the Marine has a party shop, and she used balloons so tastefully at her

second wedding.

I'm sure they were lovely.

We just don't have any money in the budget for them.

I'll get her to donate them. She loves to make me feel like a poor relation.

I really wanted to make the dinner as elegant as possible.

That's what I mean.

Maybe we could rent one of those swans that fit champagne.

I decided, Rob, the cake is going to be pink, and it's going to have roses, and

it's going to say, Happy First Birthday, Alice Christie.

That better be a big cake.

Your mother's coming early and Chris is going to take the pictures. Did you get

the scotch?

Yeah, and the soda and everything else you asked for.

Christine's first time here.

We still don't have a new dining room set.

Hopefully our sons will grace us with their presence.

Don't count on it, babe.

365 days a year. And on their baby sister's birthday, they make other

Well, I'll talk to them, Mary Beth. But remember, at their age, they're going to

want to be with their friends.

Harvey Jr.

has 364 other dates he can hang on Tiffany Rinaldi. Well, Alice is going to

lots of other birthdays.

Yeah, but this is our last first birthday. Oh, no, it isn't, babe.

I mean, before you know it, the boys will be off and married and we'll have

of grandchildren.

That's not the same.

You'll make a beautiful grandmother.

I'm talking about my babies, our babies, Harvey.

And Alice is the last one, and this is the last time.

Doesn't have to be.

Yes, it does.

Oh, what's this one? The Vallejo case.

Laxative plot against the Jockey at Aqueduct. Oh, right.

It's all for the deadly chocolate.

Am I poking it on, Captain?

Nope. I got a type of few loose ends on the dinner here. Like, for instance,

planning the whole thing.

You'd be the candle, my boy.

Candle? It's in it.

Nice, huh?

They're lime green.

I thought your stones were short on time.

I was in the store. They were on sale. I bought them. Well, they don't go with

anything we have.

They don't go with this gray paper. I had a suit that color once, but my ex

-wife burned it. These items should have been cleared for the property clerk's

desk. Years ago, some of them even date back to 1981.

So let's return them to their rightful owners so we can blow some cases. Here,

what the hell is this? Nothing, sir.

Nothing, huh?

Look, if she may have sucked you into this dinner thing, that's your problem.

But this is my squad room. I don't want to see them in here.

I hate stations.

Me too.

Now, here's the list.

Flight card, photo montage, pickup from... Oh, Chris, we're going to need

help with this. From whom?

All the guys are bogged down with the clearance rate. Yes, and some of them

even have lives and children with birthdays.

Okay, fine.

I'll see if I can get them to help as soon as I figure out how.

Tuesday night. How's your luck been lately?

Okay, seven cards stud, high spade, and the hole splits apart.

You didn't tell me anything about the hole.

Now relax, Mark, and say you're down contact.

Queenie.

I'll go a quarter.

Oh.

I'm in.

Quarter.

What's the fight you have planned for?

Yeah, I think we'll be fighting from a caterer or something.

I couldn't resist knowing you were all going to be here.

Eight goes 50.

I'm out.

You know what I love the best about the 14th?

Ooh, two ladies.

Where we all band together and work and play like a team, you know?

Actually, I like to...

Well, I like to think this is more of a family.

Raising you worth a buck.

What do you want?

A little help.

How little?

Well, the committee screwed up. Petrie, are you in?

I'm not sure what to do.

Ooh, let me help.

My mama didn't raise no fool.

I'll be your buck and raise you 50.

Kind of hoping you guys would help me with the dinner.

Are you in?

Look, I've done a lot of favors for you guys.

I'm not even going.

Food's latching. Speeches are worse.

Okay, fine.

I'll remember that the next time you need some extra coverage. And Esposito,

next time you want an extra day off, forget it.

Check. I check.

Okay, looks like this will be the last game for me.

Cash out now and die. Down and dirty.

It's not our fault to bid off more than you can chew.

I bid it for Samuels.

Samuels? Bet.

Lady, give us another dollar.

I call.

I'm out.

What about Samuels?

He's not supposed to know this. It's a secret.

He's getting the Distinguished Service Award.

Well, why didn't you just say so, Cagney?

Sure, it will help.

Three queens take home all the bees.

Anything for Samuels.

I think my boat left your queens at the dock.

I don't know what you call it, but it's tied with marshmallows and coconut, and

at approximately what time did you notice Broussard was missing?

Morning, Lieutenant.

You go to the printer, and you pick up these programs, and you take them by

Fabry's mother's house. She's going to put the tassels on them and drop them

at the bank on the way to work, so you have to be the first thing in the

morning. Here's where you go.

At least the printer opens at 9 o 'clock. I'm going to be late for work.

So tell Stanley you've got a flat tire.

Okay, okay. Look, after what he did for me, I've got to be real straight with

him. I can't lie.

I tell you, sometimes you're almost human.

All right.

Peter, you go to the caterer. Here, you give me this. I'll give it to Esposito.

You take this, and you pick up the Fotomont tires. Can you handle that?

Yeah. Oh, gee, look at this.

Three minutes late. Did I beat him in? No, you didn't.

Here's the receipt. It's a beautiful plaque.

Good.

Charlie brought by Samuel's picture last night.

Oh, how is he?

Looks great. I'm telling you, Samuel was with some hunk when he was younger.

I was speaking about Charlie.

Great. He's moved down to Beer.

He says it's a lot healthier.

I bet, honest to God, I think we're going to pull this thing off.

Detective Lacey, 14th.

Oh, thank you for calling back. Yes, we are trying to return an artificial limb

to a Mrs.

Judith Keith.

You have any idea of her whereabouts?

Lake Titicaca.

Cagney, 14th.

How do you spell that?

Inspector Nelman.

He never said anything about that.

Yeah, but... Hey, what do you mean goodbye? Thank you.

Lake Titicaca, Peru.

Now he wants entertainment. We don't have enough money in the budget for

entertainment.

Seven more years and that's it.

of a division dinner where they did this takeoff on this Broadway show.

They called it My Fair Precinct.

I have the worst headache.

There's probably a lot of talent in this division.

I bet we could put on a show.

Are you out of your mind?

Beautiful dreamer, wake unto me.

Starlight and teardrops are waiting for thee.

Sons of the moon.

out on this dinner for you.

Now, if they want to be in it, I think you have to let them. That's only fair.

Come on, Mary Beth. We're going to look like the gong show.

A lot of people like that show, Christine.

Maybe the ones that aren't so good could do something else, like announce the

other acts or something.

You know, Faberty had a nice voice.

I bet you got some nervous.

Well, she's used to singing with her sister.

Maybe we could find somebody else. a hard to sing with? Who?

You have a nice voice.

Absolutely not. Oh, come on, Christine.

You know what they say.

What? The show must go on.

Enough.

The pen's caggy. Now, who's in the show?

May I get a cup of coffee first?

We got two routines you haven't even seen yet.

Lieutenant Samuels. What? Good morning, sir.

Good morning.

Think he's suspect?

No, I think he's worried about the clearance rate.

How many cases have we closed?

Not enough. Look who's here.

Our lady of the polka dots.

This is my princess, Diala. Of course she calls me spot.

What can we do for you, Miss Mola? I remembered a few more things I looked at

his play.

My Trini Lopez album. Please have a seat. Thank you.

I'll be within one minute.

My mini blow dryer.

When are you going to announce who's in the show?

As soon as I find someplace where Samuels won't bother us.

is the opener, and then Petrie, Victor, Esposito, and Coleman.

We want three minutes out of those eight minutes that you gave us.

Five minutes, and Cagney, Karasi are the announcers. An announcer is a good job.

Think about Ed McMahon. You can't trim our routine. It's gold.

Yeah, if you're so short on time, how come you get to do such a big number?

sleeping with the producer. What do you want from me? I have to go out after

Musashi. The floor's going to be wet. Bring him up. And I can't pick up the

programs. Coleman and I got to rehearse. Half of this thing is in Yiddish. It's

funnier that way. Believe me. Are we getting separate tests? We're dressing

right up.

of babies. And I don't have the time to change your diapers. I personally am

down to the wire myself.

Tonight I will be spending with the Lacy's making cannoli. Cannoli?

What is cannoli? It happens to be Samuel's favorite dessert.

Let's get one thing straight.

If this show interferes with anybody's work on the dinner, you're out of the

show.

and chocolate shavings and you never even asked me.

I forgot.

Look, I'm sorry.

The only way we can afford light and music is if we make the cannoli

Are you out of your mind?

You cannot make 250 cannolis.

I bought the shells ready -made. How long could it take?

How is his birthday tonight?

We're going to do it after the party.

We'll have plenty of time.

Why don't you open those up? We're all going to put

the candles on the cake. Christine, would you relax?

Now, why don't you take some more pictures?

I just took a whole roll.

Well, not of this.

Okay, of the presents.

All right, you got it. All right, here we go.

Now, everybody, everybody, Harvey Jr., get on the other side.

Everybody get real close.

Michael, smile.

Where's the baby?

There she is.

Okay, now, you look like a doofus in that hat.

Yeah, go look in the mirror. All right, that's enough. Get in closer. And tea.

Mozzarella.

After I find an aspirin.

We have to line up the cannoli shells.

Chop two more bags of nuts.

Don't push me, Christine.

You've been on fast forward the whole night.

You have a lot to do, Maribel.

Well, you didn't even finish the tour of my new house.

First time you came over, you didn't even say anything.

And it's not so.

One quarter of a cup of hazelnut liqueur.

Well, you don't want to be too stingy with this stuff.

Mary Beth, that's what the recipe calls for.

You've got to believe some man who wrote a cookbook or a person who lived next

to an Italian for 13 years.

Fine.

One quarter cup of hazelnut liqueur.

Then, after you set the shells, then sprinkle them.

All right, I'll line them up over here. No, you put them right here on the lazy

seat, and that way they get an even sprinkle.

See?

Then you hold the sugar, and I...

You can pick up the shells, and I'll put the chocolate chips in.

Oh.

You got chips?

What's this supposed to mean?

Nothing.

Don't give me that. You just said, oh, you got chips.

I want to know what I mean.

Well, probably doesn't matter, but, you know, real Italians always get a big

block of chocolate, and they make shavings.

I mean, chocolate chips will be okay.

They'll probably taste all right, but they won't be authentic, that's all.

Pat,

it's good.

The one thing we don't have is touch.

Right?

Get stuffing.

You happen to be in my kitchen, Sergeant. Oh, excuse me. Get stuffing,

Why are you stuffing it with a spoon?

Because this is the way that my old neighbor, Finny Carmelini, stuffs it.

We are making hundreds.

Use the pastry bag.

I prefer a spoon.

We don't have the time here.

I, in the interim, will be mixing the food coloring and the peanut.

What?

Stachios cost too much money, and the man at the market told me that it was

perfectly acceptable to take peanuts and chop them up and throw green food

coloring in, and you put them on a cookie sheet, and you put them in the

for about 20 minutes, and nobody knows the difference. They're absolutely

delicious.

You rushed me through my last baby's only first birthday so you could paint

peanuts green? The nuts are supposed to be green. Well, you were so crazy about

green when I bought those candles and cray paper.

Did you drop it about the candles?

I'm using your tacky balloons.

What do you mean tacky?

I groveled on my knees to a woman I can't stand, so now you tell me you

like them?

Matter of fact, I don't.

And this dinner is a reflection on me. Oh, pardon me.

I thought that it was a party for family.

This would not have happened if it let me do it my way.

I didn't mean what I said. Yes, you did.

All right, I did.

Not only about the balloon.

Columbia could not keep me awake right now.

The scene.

The coffee, Mary Beth.

Well, you could always get a nap tonight during Elman's speech.

After work, I've got to go by the floors with a certified check while you go and

get the cannoli, all right?

Then I'll meet you back at the hall at 6 o 'clock.

We'll figure out the seating arrangement.

That's easy.

Give the best tables to the people we like.

Now you've got the spirit, Mary Beth.

Still, I feel like we're letting down those damn clearance rates.

These cases have been easy to close. They'd be closed already.

Yeah.

Maybe later if there's time to go over my number with me, huh?

Shouldn't you be doing that with Fabi?

She's trying to get her costume together.

Well, there is time later. I think we should both get a nap.

I didn't get right to sleep last night.

Harvey says from now on, instead of perfume.

I could dab on a little ricotta.

This has all gotten so awkward.

I'm surprised you're still working for him. Why? He's a wonderful boss.

Well, your boss wants his shower massager back.

He filed another complaint, Miss Moeller. Well, then I want my copy of

Wine. That is an autographed copy, and we bought it together.

With my charge card?

Time out.

Now, we do have more important things to do than to try and unglue your

relationship. Let's settle this thing once and for all. We'll make a list, his

and hers.

Mr. Delmore?

She can have everything. I don't care.

All I want is the aroma disc.

The aroma disc?

Oh, no.

What's an aroma disc?

Oh, it's a little thing you plug in the wall.

It's kind of like a record player if it smells.

You know, it kind of gets you in the mood.

Really?

I bet you know what these two made me.

I still can't shake the feeling I've forgotten something.

Microphone, spotlight, podium.

Did the M .E. ever call us back on the calls from suicide? We still can't close

the case. He was dead before he hit the water. Did you remember to get your

shoes dyed?

That's what I forgot.

You should do it. Hit the dirt. Here she comes. She's under the list.

You two in my office.

I don't mind telling you I know what's going on.

I've been sneaking around here trying to involve all of my people in this stupid

dinner.

All I asked was you try and help me beat Comfort.

And so far, you two have done less work than any other team in this squad.

And frankly, I am disappointed.

That's all.

Disappointed. That's the worst. Why couldn't he be furious?

I hate to recall. No black olive.

We'll see about that.

It's not our fault we got stepped on by a viper and said die.

We're going to get back together again soon. Don't even say that. He's going to

let her keep that aromatherapy.

No wonder nobody claimed that.

That is Bafferty's wig. She's going to wear it tonight.

Hello, yeah, let me talk to Ramone.

Lola versus Delmore. All this stuff they fought over.

Chris.

We do a separate file on each of these items. That's 14 completed cases right

here. We can win the clearance rate.

This is good, Mary Betts.

This is war, Sergeant.

The girl said, you should be arrested.

Well, for what, says the cop?

For disturbing our peace.

And now it's time to present the trophy to the precinct that has achieved the

highest rate of cleared cases.

Now, I instituted this award six years ago, so I like to think of it as the

Nelman Award.

This year, the race was so close, we are announcing the top three precincts.

Come on, little polka dots. Take us home. In third place, the fifth

Second place goes to the 14th.

And in first place... I thought surely we had it.

A lot of work in second place.

What's wrong with second place?

It's the best we've ever done. And in this division, that's a pretty heavy

hitting, if you ask me.

Even if you spent all this time on his dinner, you did your best, and I'm real

proud of all of yours.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you.

Who wants a no -man anyway?

Congratulations, Captain. Thank you, Inspector.

Accept this on behalf of all the great guys and gals at the 8th Precinct.

Thank you.

Oh, God, Bert.

I owe you a lot, dear Bert.

Better luck next year, Bert.

Good you stuck him way in the back.

And now we come to the most important part of the evening.

The presentation of the Distinguished Service Award.

It is the highest commendation this division can bestow.

And I'm sure you'll agree that this year's recipient is truly deserving of

honor.

It gives me great pleasure to present Manhattan South Division's award for

distinguished service to Lieutenant Albert Samuel.

I knew something was going on.

I never thought it was this.

You get an award for doing a job that you love.

I still can't believe this.

I want to thank the division for this honor.

But I got to tell you something.

This award belongs...

To a very special group of people that I work with.

To a group of dedicated and hardworking cops.

And they make it real easy for a guy like me to look good.

Thank you.

the entertainment portion of the evening. We put together for you,

sort of a trip down memory lane.

Here's a picture of you getting your uniform ripped off.

Here you are catching Jerry Ford when he fell down the steps at St. Pat's.

But this one here is my favorite. Exchanging hats with Bella Abzug at a

convention.

Hey, everybody.

It's time.

A compact.

With a steel mirror.

I'll bet.

How nice of you. Thank you. It's beautiful.

I made up the inscription.

Read it.

Thanks for kicking our butts when we needed it.

Thank you, Victor.

Thank you all of you.

Didn't know you guys went in for this much.

Did a hell of a job, Cagney.

It was a team effort, believe me.

We even handmade your favorite dessert, sir.

Cheesecake?

Cheesecake? No, cannoli.

I was told that you loved cannoli.

Oh, no, cannelloni, sure, yeah, cannelloni. You know, the pasta rolled

tomato sauce?

Well, don't worry about it, Cagney. You know me. I eat anything.

Excuse me, Lieutenant.

They want you for a picture, sir. Oh, yeah, sure. And listen, Candy, the

balloons are terrific.

The balloons actually were Detective Lacey's idea.

May

I have your

attention, please? I think I'll go home now.

Will everyone who is in the entertainment, please report backstage.

She's around. Here comes the wig now.

Where have you been?

I can't hear a word you're saying, Bernice. Could you speak up?

All crazy. Louder. She lost her voice.

What do you mean you lost your voice? You can't do a thing like that.

Bernice, come back or I'm not going out there by myself.

Oh, no, don't look at me.

All right, Beth.

You know the routine. No, not in front of people. This is different. You know

how I get in court.

You saw how bad he was. They loved him. No. Sit down.

Boa, feel this. Does that feel good? I can't sing.

Oh, Drift, let me see that. Oh.

Drift, I'm already doing my part. Oh, anybody could be a stage manager. No,

Christine. Sit down.

Hand me.

You'll be speechless.

Hey, turn around.

Perfect fit.

My lungs are collapsing. Your lungs are great. I haven't breathed in five

minutes. You'll have to breathe just a thing.

Now a warm welcome, please, for Christine Cagney and Bernice Poverty.

It's great. Oh, that makes me feel better. Would that get me out of this?

It should.

It should. Good luck.

Like the show must go on. That's it, yeah.

That's not going to do it.

Get it up, honey.