Original subtitles

My guy is a senior citizen living on a government pension. Your guy works in a

bar. Oh, right, he works in a bar, so let's lock him up.

Your guy turns out to be a convicted confidence man.

So I am suing your department lady and the lottery.

You spent two million dollars in 11 months? You always like to play. I wish

could be arrested right now and locked away forever.

Are you trying to confess, sir?

Would you like us to call your attorney?

You let the suspect tip you down? We both agree that he's innocent. Let's

so. Nice doggy. I got a bad shit somewhere.

Oh, this is awful, Christine.

It wasn't just the one charity. I had a whole lot of other receipts in here.

I told you not to do your own taxes.

No wonder you're being ordered.

Thank you, Christine.

I never, ever do my own taxes. Well, you usually have a man to them, but... Yes,

Victor? You're getting ordered, huh?

No kidding.

No kidding.

By the IRS?

No, Victor, they're being audited by the Department of Agriculture.

Hey,

Cagney, I got a question for you.

If you could have any dog that you wanted, what kind of dog would you pick?

This is a trick question.

No, really, the annual dog show at the garden opens this week.

It's just out of my mind. Victor, you've never been interested in dog shows.

Sometimes I'd like to do it. What is this, one of those personality tests out

your magazines?

You ask me what kind of dog I like, and I say, oh, a Doberman Pinscher. And

you'll say, hey, guys, Cagney. Jagney just said a Doberman feature.

No, no, it's really just for me.

Hey, call me.

Jagney said Doberman feature.

Anyway.

What happened with your tax man?

Oh, he got off probation. I moved to South Carolina.

Off probation?

You had an ex -con doing your taxes?

He was a very good worker, Christina. We never got ordered it before.

I was very worried.

Peggy, Lacey.

Good morning, sir.

Huh? Good morning.

Oh, yeah, good morning.

Listen, you two are up. Just took a call about a crime at the lottery office.

I see Mrs.

Burnside there. What kind of crime?

She said she would explain to the detectives when they get there.

So get there.

Yes, sir.

Lotteries are held all over the country, all over the world. Why does this have

to happen to me?

Bet the state lotteries never had this problem.

Now, what exactly is it that happened?

particular lottery was drawn almost one full year ago and two winners were paid

already. Two million apiece. We put out a news release that the time limit is

almost up and now these two men are each presenting winning tickets.

So good for them, right? They both get two million dollars.

The problem is there were only three winning tickets printed. One of those

men out there is attempting to perpetrate a fraud.

So, then after Charlene died, I had to sell everything, you know, to pay the

doctors, and I moved into the projects.

What a nice neighborhood.

I see, sir.

And you, uh, you purchased a ticket at your local newsstand?

Yeah, I must have.

I mean, doesn't it say on the ticket, isn't there a special code or something?

Well, I don't know, but, uh, if there is, we'll check on that, too.

Now you say you got this ticket as a gift?

Oh, yeah, it's a funny story.

See, this bar I work in, the glide -in, gets sort of a mixed bunch.

So this guy, his name is Tommy.

He comes in a few months back. He has a couple of belts.

And then he reaches in his pocket to give me a tip. Only thing, he's flat

-busted, see?

I see. Yeah, so all he had is this old lottery ticket, all gummy and wrinkled

up. Forgot he even had it. Then he gives it to me as a tip, which I saw.

So I got it framed and hung it over the bar.

The worst tip I ever got. Can you beat that?

Oh, it's good.

Yeah.

There's nothing wrong, is there, officer? I do get the money, don't I?

sir, when it do get paid.

But we have to clear up a few things first, all right?

Okay.

Now, you had this ticket all along, and you didn't know it.

It's lucky I never throw anything away.

Hey, Tommy, do you remember his last name?

Listen, if you glide in and you ask a guy his last name, he don't come back.

Okay.

No last name.

And you missed the drawing on TV.

I don't have a TV.

There's one down at the senior center, but I don't like to go down there after

dark. Uh -huh. What about the newspaper?

Well, I had to let my subscription run out. It was too much money.

And I don't have any friends or family even to tell me.

That is a winning number, isn't it?

Oh, yes, sir. It's the right number.

Oh, boy.

You know, I always managed to get by, you know, but, well, 40 years with the U

.S. Postal Service, I always thought that would be enough with my pension and

all.

Funny it sure isn't.

Sir, um, forgive me for asking this, but I was wondering, if you have so little

money, sir, how is it that you can afford to buy all these lottery tickets?

Well, it's probably foolish, I know, but no man's got to have a dream.

Yes, sir.

Oh, why does this have to happen to me? I'm not a bad person.

What did I do to deserve this?

It'll work out, Mrs. Burnside. Now, let me ask you something. Don't the tickets

have a magnetic strip on them like a credit card to prevent forgery?

No, that was the old lottery. The new ones just have the computer code number.

That's why this is such a mess.

Wait, wait. Why can't the two tickets be verified on the computer?

Because the computer dumped the coding data. I beg your pardon? Dumped. Erased.

Happened about ten months ago.

Oh, I don't know. It was a freak accident. It hasn't happened again. I

was an accident. But you think that they will remember that? Oh, no.

It was my lottery, so it will be my mistake.

There'll go my chances for a seat on the racing and wagering board. The lab will

pick up on the forgery.

What will I tell the newspapers? What will I tell the board?

It's not my fault.

Of course not.

All I said was your guy looked like a weasel. My guy is a sweet old postman.

money's on your guy.

My guy?

How much? It's a feature of speech, Christine. You said your money was on my

guy. How much?

20 bucks? 20 dollars?

No. Ten?

Five?

Five bucks.

Says your guy did it.

My guy is a senior citizen living on a government pension. Your guy works in a

bar. Oh, right. He works in a bar, so let's lock him up.

Five bucks, Mary Beth. All right, Christine.

Five dollars says it was your guy. Got it.

It was not my guy. Five bucks.

Oh, what am I talking about, my guy?

He's not my guy.

He's not my guy.

You know where it is?

No, they're going to kill us, Mary Beth.

They're going to kill us. Bobby, would you calm down? It's not like we're some

big -time taxi baiters. You don't understand, Mary Beth. These guys, they

us. They are trained to spot the tiniest little mistake, and once they do, that

is it.

What is this? What is what?

MOS, trailer rental law.

Let's move a little office space. The job at the Senate Boulevard.

What? No.

We'll use that trailer for poker on Friday night.

So? Don't you see?

I mean, the rest of the time it was strictly for business.

I mean, if they disallow a deduction this size...

Somebody must have read it.

Why would they do that, Harvey?

Why? The reward, Mary Beth. The reward.

That's how they operate. I am telling you, these guys go for the throat.

Sweetheart, do you think maybe you're getting a little crazy here?

I'm telling you, this could be a penalty of $500 or $600 right there.

Oh, one more thing.

When we get there tomorrow, do not put your hands on the chair arms.

Why not?

Because they have little senses in them to measure your skin response to see

whether you are lying or not.

Oh, no, no, they do, Mary Beth.

I heard.

Can't people hold on to their perks around here? What the hell are you

I'll have to call the police. Hey, I'm talking to you. No, you're shouting.

Yeah, I do that when people rifle through my desk.

Now stand up. Who's your arresting officer?

How about you? You're pretty arresting.

Oh, a comment, too.

Remove the hat and stand up. Say pretty, please.

There's one item missing from my desk. You are dead meat.

You can search me and find out. How about strip search?

It's Becky.

Want to put a leash on this one?

Who is he?

I thought he was your perp. Maybe I should introduce myself.

Jonah Newman.

Detective, third grade.

Detective, third grade?

You look like you're in the third grade.

And who are you?

Sergeant Cagney.

And what were you doing going through my desk?

What, do you always make yourself at home in other people's squad rooms?

This is home.

Sergeant, I was just assigned to the 14th. I am the new kid on the block.

Lucky us.

The detective can't even find his desk.

Check it out with the phone.

She always like that?

Nah. Some days she can really give you a hard time.

Hey, kid.

Well, I have to meet Harvey at the Federal Building, 1055, and I'm not sure

about this outfit.

What's wrong with it? You look very nice.

Well, maybe I should have worn something older, so they shouldn't think I'm some

kind of a clothes horse.

Loves?

Oh, well, Harvey heard from this fella... Don't ask.

Harvey's really got you spooked about this audit.

Yeah, what are you doing?

Got the lab report on the lottery tickets.

Findings negative.

Both exhibits fall within normal parameters for fiber and ink content.

No detectable forgery indicated.

So much for this being a quick case.

Oh, what about the case files on Mrs. Phelps and Costa?

It's starting on them.

Oh, there's nothing on Mr. Costa. There's a couple of parking tickets.

What are you doing?

So now I'm going to have to bet again.

Oh, what do you know?

Yo guy turns out to be a convicted confidence man.

How come you forgot to mention the three to five you did at Dannemora?

Yeah, okay, I served a little time.

So did John Mitchell.

A little time.

Summary probation in 1969, two counts of fraud in 1970, six bunco arrests for

various confidence games in 1971, eight months in men's hall, and then, of

course, there was the long stretch for trying to play the big con.

I never was cut out for the big con.

My best trick was the magic wallet.

I've been clean for 15 years now.

Hey, Big Al, got you here.

At this hour, you have breakfast.

You know what that does to your stomach?

You're right.

Scotch milk.

Someone else is going to have to make us drink.

I'm afraid we'll have to take you in. I'm sorry.

Come on, I'm telling you the truth. This guy Tommy gave me the ticket as a tip.

Oh, yeah, the famous Tommy, who did not happen to be around to back up your

story.

Listen, please don't do this to me. I got 20 % of this place.

It took me a lot of years of living straight to do it, but I did.

Now, finally, I get my lucky break on the square.

You've got to believe me.

Go ahead and make your drink.

What are you doing?

I think you're telling the truth. I know when somebody's lying.

And I don't?

I bet. Besides, we don't even have enough to take him in on in the first

You're a soft touch, Christine.

Yeah, well, don't let it get around.

Besides, I got five bucks.

Uh,

just the two dependents?

Until next year. We're having another dependent.

Maybe.

Oh, that's very nice.

I envy you.

Doesn't look like I'm ever going to get married, have kids.

Nobody wants to date an internal revenue inspector.

No, I mean it.

This is a horrible job.

People hate coming here. Not us. We got nothing to hide.

Oh, now, be honest.

Weren't you just dreading coming in here?

No, no, I mean it's our civic duty, right?

My mother wanted me to be a dentist, but I couldn't.

Couldn't stand the thought of hurting people.

So I got a degree in accounting and I applied to the government for a nice

secure desk job.

They put me here.

You know the people who were in here just before you, sitting right there,

know what they told me? What's that?

Told me they said, this is like pulling teeth.

Isn't that something?

Irony.

Well, it's been pretty painless for us.

So far.

Now, let's see.

Mrs. Lacey is a police detective.

That's a very interesting job.

People like policemen.

Criminals don't like us.

No, I guess not.

Then they dread meeting you as much as people dread meeting me, huh? I'm in the

construction business.

Oh, that's a very interesting job.

Lots of places to take deductions with that job.

You can hide all kinds of expenses, and there's almost no way to verify the

cost. No, no, no, no, Mr.

Bittenberger. Bender. Bender. Thank you. I thought I had all those receipts. I

mean, I really want to pay every penny I owe to the government.

Well, but you don't want to pay any more than you owe, do you? I don't mind.

No, no, I mean... Bittenbender.

You seem very nice, Palmer.

That was an act, Mary Beth.

This is just the first interview. Wait till the next time.

That's when we see the teeth.

He didn't say anything about another interview.

Let the matador tell the bull about the sword.

What's the matter?

Me.

What? Come on.

We're going to play post office.

I was thinking of getting Betty a dog. She likes the shaggy bat mat kind.

Those are okay.

Annual canine classic.

Hey, Victor, maybe I'll go with you. Oh, you'd probably be bored. No, I love

dogs, really.

Let me explain to you another way, Coleman.

If you want to go, go.

But I am going alone.

That way I can leave whenever and with whoever I want.

Got it? Oh, I get it. You're afraid maybe I'm going to cramp your style, is

it? Not cramp, Coleman.

Kill.

Why is your partner's owners in dog shows all of a sudden?

He says dogs shows are the place to meet a better rate of chicks.

That was a direct quote.

Was there a pocket?

He was?

An engraver.

The tax guy was an engraver?

What? No, my guy.

Wait a minute, what guy?

We were at the federal building, and I saw this sign for the personnel

department. Yeah? Old Mr. Costas. He's retired from the postal service, all

right. But what he actually did was, he's a master engraver.

Your kid? No.

He's even kind of famous there. He was really good. He did this one stamp

a bird, and it's so real that it seems to turn its head and looks at you

wherever you go.

They got it there in a case. It's really kind of creepy.

Does that mean I won?

Yeah, well, we've been looking for someone who could forge a lottery ticket

well, the lottery guys themselves couldn't spot the forgery, right?

Nice.

Real nice.

Sergeant Cagney, 14.

Wait a minute. We slow down a minute?

Who?

The ticket's locked up.

Who's got a gun?

Wait. Hello?

Hello?

He hung up. Oh, my guy.

Okay. We got a hostage coming out.

He's clear. Get him. Go.

Come on. Come on.

That's the last customer, sir.

Roger. Last customer's out.

He let the customers go, but he says the bartender owes him. He's got a gun, and

he's going to kill Phelps if he doesn't pay up.

His name's Tommy.

He gave Phelps a $2 million lottery ticket as a tip.

I'll tell them you're coming in.

I'm going to start two female detectives in there.

Watch the windows.

good to you this way, is it, Tommy?

He said they'd have the ticket. They do.

Now, let's just keep calm, pal.

I'm Mary Beth Lacey. Mr. Van Dusen. Everybody calls me Tommy.

It's my ticket.

I bought it, and I gave it to him in lieu of a tip. It's only fair I should

half. He owes me.

Tommy, what happens now?

Well, I get the ticket, see?

Then I'll tear it in half and then we'll have to cooperate.

Cooperate with that?

I thought that was a pretty convincing corroboration for

my guy's story.

I already gave you the five bucks, Christine. And how do we know it wasn't

-up job?

Tommy just had his head split open. Two million dollars buys a lot of sisters.

Don't be a sore loser, Mary Beth.

As we both know, he was your guy.

Let's not figure.

Who's going to look after him?

Maybe you should have thought of that before, Mr. Carcass.

Well, I don't understand what all the fuss is about.

Well, you did try to defraud the lottery out of $2 million.

I just made the ticket. I didn't get any money.

I'm afraid you're missing the point, sir.

Where's the harm?

No, no, no, no, no, Maxie, be still. It's all right.

And the money was just sitting there. I didn't even get any.

Well, I think we're going to have to go downtown, Mr. Carstairs.

But who's going to take care of Maxie?

Good afternoon, Mrs. Burnside.

Well, that was certainly quick.

Quick? Ma 'am, I just this minute put down the phone from calling your office.

Didn't they reach you?

No, they didn't. Is there a problem?

You see that man?

Just when I think there's nothing else that can go wrong, he walks in with

Another winning ticket.

His name is Hank Stevens, and, Hobbs, you wouldn't believe it. Even the

staff call him Hard Luck Hank.

Wait a minute, what is so tough about winning the lottery?

No, honey, here's a guy that leaves his lawyer's office after filing for divorce

and buys himself a lottery ticket to cheer himself up, and as he's walking

from the newsstand, gets hit by a crosstown bus and winds up for three

a coma.

So that's not funny. Okay, did you check all this out?

Yeah, happened just the way he said.

The vendor remembered him because of the ambulance.

No, he's a witness.

And the inventory of his property at the hospital shows the lottery ticket.

Yes. Okay, so at least he is in the clear. Am I right?

Well, yeah, but somebody else still forged the ticket.

You eliminated the bartender?

No one is eliminated, Harvey. It's a matter of finding a forger. Yes, you

already found your forger. One. One forger.

So the thing with Tommy could have been a put -up job, but I don't know.

Okay, so what now?

Well, tomorrow we go and check out the first two winners. Maybe one of them is

fishing.

But they've already been paid. Isn't it a little late?

Yes. I think it's the guy in the hospital.

His alibi is too perfect.

Honey, that's what a perfect alibi means, that you didn't do it.

Yes, but nevertheless... Five dollars.

You're on.

Let me ask you a question. What would you do if you won two million dollars?

First, I'd take care of taxes.

Then $250 ,000 each into trust funds for the boys. And a separate fund for the

baby at $300 ,000 because of inflation.

And $100 ,000 into blue -chip securities. $100 ,000 into bonds.

State, not city.

And another $100 ,000 into a real solid mutual.

Then we buy a house.

Outright. No mortgage.

And then the rest into a pension fund for the two of us, except maybe $2 ,000,

$3 ,000 mad money.

You sure?

Okay. Hey, I thought about it. So?

Come here. What?

Please, sit down.

Please.

Let me put it a different way.

What would you do with $600?

Six... Oh, I don't know, Harvey. That's an entirely different thing.

What? What are you smiling at?

There ain't no day to tell you.

Results of the audit.

I found out this afternoon. We are getting back a $600 tax refund.

Refunds? Yes.

That's amazing. Yes.

You're sure it isn't some kind of a trick? No, no trick. This is the first

this year they are giving money back. The guy, Bittenberger.

Bender. He said he was going to cost them his job. Oh, the poor man. No, no,

he's happy for it. He wants to get into a different line of work anyway.

One free dollar.

And, of

course, Harvey wants to spend all the money right away.

Well, why not? It's found money.

Well, it's easy for you to think like that, Christine. You've got the trust

and all. I can't be like that.

Be like what, Mary Beth? It's only $600. You can spend more than that on a TV

set. No, I can't.

We need every penny, Christine. I've got another kid on the way. That's a major

expense. That keeps on being expensive.

What does Harvey want to buy?

Oh, he wants to hire a babysitter and go to the Poconos for the weekend.

You know, rent a cab and see the shows, like we did nine months before Hoff Jr.

was born. Well, that's nice.

Actually, he's got a point.

You know, I mean, when a new baby comes, you can't go out for a while, like a

couple years.

So go.

No, I can't. I can't.

When I was growing up, we didn't have any money. And I don't know, the thing

about money is maybe too deep in me.

I don't know.

Harvey was so excited about maybe going somewhere.

And I'd love to see him like that. He'd be so cute.

And then I got to thinking that I haven't seen him like that for a long

Oh, there he is.

Nice house.

She was the first one to claim the prize, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yes?

Mrs. Alberta Edwards?

You're the detective, sir? Yes, I'm Sergeant Cagney. This is Detective

May we come in, please?

We've been waiting 45 minutes.

This is Mr. Irwin Elias, my attorney.

I asked him to be here.

Since the lottery commission attached Mrs. Edwards' property, we feel it may

turn into a matter that will require some litigation.

Oh, believe me, ma 'am, this is the first we heard about attaching property.

It hardly matters, does it?

The fact remains that everything my client owns has been frozen by the

until such time as the matter is resolved.

In plain English, every hour, every day that this mess remains unsolved, you're

hurting my family.

Well, Mrs. Edwards, we're trying to clear that up now. Don't you understand?

have no money.

And even if I could get my old job back, it will take my yearly salary to meet

my new monthly expenses.

So I am suing your department, ladies, and the lottery.

Nice talking with you.

Don't you see, ma 'am, this business of attaching everything belonging to the

suspect isn't exactly making our investigation any easier. Not my fault.

board decided on that. Nobody even asked me. I'm a woman, so I don't get asked

my opinion.

Well, we have two tickets already paid, and then we have for Mr. Stevens, the

bus victim, and the ex -con bartender.

One of them is dirty.

And, Les, there has been an error. Now, could you have printed up four winning

tickets instead of three by mistake?

No. The printing of the tickets is done by the computer, and it's very closely

guarded, almost as tightly as the drawing itself.

Well, then what about the drawing?

Could someone have rigged the numbers in advance?

Don't even think that!

There are four sets of balls. They are weighed and sealed under our eyes in

those of an independent auditing firm before and after, and then the drawing

held on live television.

Actually, there was one case of a man trying to palm the balls. He was an

amateur magician, but that was before I came here. That had nothing to do with

me. Well, no one is blaming you, Mrs. Burnside.

Ha! That's what you think. The Racing and Wagering Commission is going to have

my head for this.

I hate this.

I should have taken that job with luxury cruises. I'd have gotten free travel.

Well, ma 'am, I'm afraid we're back to one of the four.

Mrs. Edwards, Mr.

Stevens, Mr. Phelps, and Mr., um, what is the other guy's name? Mr. Sycamore.

Hey, call me Claude.

All right, Claude.

Listen, uh, can I get you ladies something, maybe, huh?

Uh, no, not for me, thanks.

You know, there's been a little mix -up with the lottery.

Doesn't affect me much, though, does it?

You haven't gotten the court order yet?

No. What for?

Well, it's very likely that you will be getting such an order.

I'm afraid that the lottery is attaching all of the money and the property of

the winning ticket holders.

It's true.

Who cares?

Now, this is very serious, Mr. Sycamore.

I haven't got it anymore.

I haven't got it.

Hey, hey, Sally.

Here, girl. You haven't met my Sally.

Look at those big brown eyes.

Is this a face? Is this a face?

Very cute. If we could get back to the money, Mr. Sycamore. You know, this dog

is a champion.

But don't tell her. I mean, you know how stars get.

About the money. You're kidding, aren't you? No.

I spent it.

You spent $2 million in 11 months?

It didn't take that long. You see, after taxes, which are heavy because I took

this all in one lump.

Well, there were bills and business loans and debts.

Most of it went on wine, women, and song, I guess you'd say.

The rest was... The rest was

wasted.

Oh, but we had some fun.

We had some fun, didn't we?

Sweet.

I'm agonizing over $600. He sits there smiling over how he blew $2 million.

Well, it's not as bad as he said it first. I mean, he built up that little

company. What was that cutesy name?

Wannabite Industry.

Could have been a strong thing. He just had bad luck.

Yeah, but he doesn't even care.

That's what kills me.

Like, I don't know, maybe it's not such a bad attitude to have. What are you

going to do, cry about it?

What's the matter with you, Christine? It's $2 million.

All right, Beth, remember that TV series, The Millionaire?

It is an example of how that kind of money can sometimes ruin people's lives.

Listen, at least this guy enjoyed it.

You like this man.

Oh, you always like this lady.

You notice that? That is not true, Mary Beth.

Just being here.

How are you, sir?

How's the investigation coming?

It's progressing, sir. Are you all right?

It's like a nightmare that won't end.

I don't know how much more I can stand.

Well, why don't you sit down, Mr.

Stevens? Thank you.

I wish I could be arrested right now and locked away forever.

Mr. Stevens, are you trying to confess, sir? Would you like us to call your

attorney? A lawyer. That's all I need is another lawyer.

Court order?

You know about the court order?

Yes, sir, we do.

Well... On top of

that, my ex -wife is trying to get her hands on the prize money.

Her lawyer said that I owned the ticket before the divorce became final. Oh.

And I, uh... I can't cash a

check.

I got zero credit.

I can't find my medicine.

I'm hungry.

I've been locked out of my apartment.

So if I was arrested, at least I could eat and have a place to sleep until the

investigation is over.

I was wondering...

Some kind of minor crime I could commit.

Just a small one.

Okay, I just got off the phone with the woman from the lottery.

Mrs. Bernstein. Yeah, and she got word back from that computer company upstate.

And? And she said that this time it is as conclusive as you can get. The first

ticket, the woman called Mrs.

Alberta Edwards.

presented her ticket before there was that computer screw -up.

Dump. What?

Dump. It's computerese, Lieutenant, meaning a massive discharge of memory.

Mrs. Berntheit explained that to us.

Dump.

Sorry. Anyway, the point is that her ticket was the only one of the five

that was able to be computer verified.

And it was.

So she is in the clear. Oh, that's good. I'm glad, sir. Yeah, I'm glad that

you're glad, Lacey. We are delighted. We got no case here. Oh, no, what I meant

was, sir, that I'm glad Mrs. Edwards has been eliminated because that narrows

the list of our possible suspects, sir. Right.

So run it down.

Well, with Mrs. Edwards eliminated, we're looking at the bartender, the

jersey who already spent the money, and hard luck, Hank. Who? Mr. Stevens.

I hope it's not him. I loaned him 50 bucks.

You like the suspect $50? No, well, actually, that was my fault. Well, we'll

the judgment call, Lieutenant. We both agree that he's in it. Let's hope so. I

got a gut feeling it's the flake, sir.

Nope. Now I think it was the bartender. The bartender? He was your guy.

Unless it was Claude. Wait, is Claude the flake? Yes, sir.

No, he's not a flake, Lieutenant.

Different. Yeah, a different flake. And anyways, the bartender had Tommy to back

him up. Yeah, I think that was a set -up job.

That's what I said, Christine. Anyways, Tommy is in jail. Yeah, but it's his

first offense, Mary Beth. What the judge is going to do is slap his wrist,

charge him a few bucks. He gets out, he splits the $2 million with Big Al, the

con man. Wait, wait, who is Big Al? Mr. Phelps. Well, so now you say it couldn't

be Big Al. Well, not if it's a flake, it couldn't. Hey, I got such a headache.

Look, I don't care if it is the flake or if it's the bartender or if it's your

guy or if it's her guy.

Explain. Go on home and come back to this thing with a fresh attitude

morning. Yes, sir.

And at which time I would like to hear some straight answers.

Yes, sir. Aye, Lieutenant.

He's a kicker. Yeah.

Yeah, more than the other two. This one likes to work out.

Harvey? Hmm?

You really want another boy?

I don't know. I haven't thought much about it.

You keep saying him.

It's habit.

I love whatever we have.

Yeah, I know.

I just wonder sometimes what it would be like to have a little girl.

Different?

I saw a little girl in the park the other day.

Little doll.

And she had a dress about that big.

My father was putting her on the carousel. Made me think about you.

It did?

Yeah, the way he looked at her.

Like she was the most precious thing in all the world.

I thought about you looking at our daughter like that.

Daughter, huh? Might be nice.

Whole new ballgame.

Yeah. Good night, baby.

Good night, sweetheart.

Good night, baby.

You're sexy when you're pregnant. Yes.

You mean it.

More cleavage, more stuff.

Yeah, more of everything.

More the merrier.

Harvey, stop that.

In a while.

You know what's wrong here?

We've been looking for two master for you. What do you mean?

Well, look, it was the first time that a lottery ticket had been forged so well

it could be detected, right?

Right. Okay, so what are the odds that on the same lottery, a second ticket

would be forged with the same perfection?

Two master forges at the same time? That bothers me.

Yeah, but what are our choices?

I don't know, but it doesn't seem logical.

Guess who finessed the afternoon off?

Oh, please don't bore us with your hot dates, okay, Mr. Beggin?

No, I am going to the dog show.

You're going to be in it?

Yeah, a Dolman fanny pincher.

Go ahead, you two laugh.

But who's got the afternoon off?

Cocker Spaniels!

Christine! That's it!

Mary Beth, that's the connection we've been looking for. The old guy and Quad,

they both have Cocker Spaniels.

Oh, that's good, Christine.

We can go write the grand jury with that. I am telling you, Mary Beth, they

have show dogs. You spelled it wrong.

Can't you find your depth yet? No, no, no. It is not one of I -B -I -T -E

industries. It's one of I -B -Y -T -E industries. You know, like the

Yeah, a friend of mine who bought stock told him it was stupid, but wouldn't

listen to me.

Computers.

That's it.

Claude is in... What?

Claude is into computers. What if he tapped into the lottery's computer and

dumped the memory?

Huh? Exactly. Didn't you see War Game?

Who are you?

Come on, let's go.

Mary Beth, come on, let's go. Hurry up. Fine, okay. I'm coming.

Where?

This is the first call for Old English Sheepdogs.

Old English Sheepdogs, your grade is to be judged in ring three.

I had no idea dog shows were this big a deal.

Oh, yeah, this is a big deal annual show. Which means it was held at the

same time last year.

Same time as the lottery drawing.

Christine?

Oh.

Mr. Sycamore?

Hello there, Mr.

Sycamore. You remember us?

Hi. Hi. What are you two doing here? Oh.

Sally. Hiya, girl.

Hey, how you doing?

Very best. Sally has a new friend.

Hiya, Maxie. Oh, you know Maxie? Oh, yes.

We've met.

Going down?

You know what was throwing us?

We kept looking for... two master forgers, each with one perfect forgery.

Silly. There never were two master forgers. There was one master forger,

made two tickets. Am I right, sir? You and Carstairs met here last year. We

checked. We know you were both here. And the two of you came up with the idea.

He makes the perfect ticket with a winning number.

You use your computer to dump the lottery computer's memory. Then you

the winning ticket, and the computer can't verify it.

Fascinating theory.

Isn't it?

We just talked. with Mr. Carstairs at Rikers.

Oh, we did?

Yes, sir, we did.

Uh, Sycamore?

And he was very informative.

He told us that he didn't get much out of the split.

It seems that you use most of the funds by yourself.

Alimony and gambling debts, that computer company of yours.

Wasn't much left for him.

And he couldn't exactly come to the police about it now, could he, sir? How

doing? Pretty good.

Yeah, he was a little cranky about it. Well, then.

But I never thought he'd forge another ticket.

Maxim,

Maxim.

Fingered by a pole.

You know what?

Here. Oh, oh, oh, don't run here.

All right, come on.

Has security filled yet?

I'm the cops. How can I get in touch with security?

Watch it. Excuse me.

Police. Coming through.

I'm very sorry.

Pardon me, sir. I got a badge here somewhere.

I'm very good. Excuse me, sir.

Thank you. Sorry, dog.

He does have great lines.

Gee.

Oh, believe me, Lisa, I do know that.

Hang on, hang on.

Oh, nice doggy.

Be right back.

Police! Coming through!

Okay!

Hasn't made it to an exit. None of my men have spotted him. Well, keep

sir.

Hey, lady, you better do something about these dogs. What do you want me to do?

Oh, terrific.

Oh, come on.

I took them.

You did?

What for?

Three days, fought and paid for.

You're kidding.

I opened an account at the bank this morning. It was going to be a surprise.

Baby Lacey.

Harvey, you're the best.

It's one of those special deals.

You can't get your money back without substantial forfeiture and all that

But, Harvey, the trip is not refundable either. Yeah, the check's going to

bound.

You know what this is like?

This is just like that story.

Where she sells her hair and he sells his watch.

Oh, no, baby. Hey, we'll borrow two payday. It'll be okay.

No, it's just that you bought me what I wanted and I bought you what you wanted

and it's so romantic, Harvey. I always want what you want.

Yeah? You really wanted to take me to the mountains for a romantic weekend?

Even when I'm pregnant, I feel like a whale.

Yes.

Oh, Harvey.

Oh, God, I love you, Mary Beth.

Yeah?