Original subtitles

Love is like a butterfly, soft and gentle as a fly. The

multicolored moves of love are like its saddened wings.

Love makes your heart feel strange inside. It flutters like soft wings in

flight. Love is like a butterfly, a rare and gentle thing.

What's the clock doing in the drawer?

What time is it?

Midnight.

Hello.

What does that mean?

Well, it's a friendly noise made by human beings when they meet another

being.

Rio, we came to bed early by arrangement because I've got a particularly

worrying day at the surgery tomorrow and it starts at seven o 'clock.

I've got a particularly worrying day too. It starts now.

I've got the anaesthetist to pick up.

Endless preparations to make for this woman.

She's got wisdom teeth designed to outwit a road drill.

And I've got a birthday.

Oh.

A happy birthday.

Thank you.

Funny things, birthdays.

Yes.

Just when you're feeling good, they come along to remind you that the party's

nearly over.

What nonsense.

Your eyes go funny, your muscles loll about.

God knows what happens to your chest.

You wake up one morning and either it's disappeared altogether or it's turned

into an inflatable life jacket.

Your eyes, muscles and chest are magnificent. Your party's only just

You could give me my present now, if you like.

It's behind the wardrobe.

It is not behind the wardrobe.

Yes, it is.

You hid it when I was putting my make -up on yesterday. I tore the whole thing

through my hand mirror.

What you saw was me retrieving a sock.

I took them off in a fit of agitation the night before and one of them landed

behind the wardrobe.

She wouldn't undress when you're in a temper. You toss things over your

with such venom, they disappear forever.

Like my chest when the party's over.

So where is it, then, my present?

There's no present as such.

I have a plan for your birthday.

Taking into consideration a woman's insatiable appetite for romance, I

I'd give you some money.

You can go up to London, buy something special, and I'll join you tonight.

I've booked a room.

Oh, dang.

You take the car and I'll come on the train.

And we drive back in the morning? Yes.

Oh.

Oh, how exciting.

Adam and Russell have bought me some special hand cream.

How do you know that?

Oh, I sort of came across it when I was dusting Adam's room.

You mean you took out the floorboards and there it was?

Oh, I'm so happy.

Good.

London and an hotel and you coming on the train.

Oh, I feel as if I were committing adultery.

Not that I want to.

It's all right. We all have dreams of drifting.

She was beautiful.

Beautiful to my eyes from the moment.

A reasonably adequate description.

Hello?

Oh, Liz, hello.

Oh, I'm fine, thanks. And you?

Good.

Oh, tomorrow? Well, that's a bit difficult. You see, it's someone's

tomorrow, someone I haven't seen for a while, and I was rather hoping to

surprise them.

Wednesday? Oh, no, that's fine.

Here, if you like.

Oh, any time.

I come home at seven.

Okay.

Oh, hello, Liz.

Look, instead of waiting till Wednesday, why don't you jump into your car and

come round here right now?

See you.

The car's there, Thomas.

Can we go over the plan again, sir?

We simply follow her into town, that's all.

She hasn't seen my new car before, so she won't even notice.

Then I'm going to have lunch with her.

Is she aware that you're going to have lunch with her, sir?

No.

Well, is it not possible that she might have another appointment?

Well, it was my birthday. I spent the entire day trying to have lunch with

as you know, and I failed miserably.

But I shan't fail today, eh?

All right, all right. She told me to go.

So I went.

But now I'm back.

And in full force.

I can see your restraint from here, Thomas.

The nerve in your cheek is twitching like a little drum, tapping away its

message of disapproval.

It is another man's life that you're tampering with, sir. So what?

Other men have tampered with mine, damn it.

Bloody decorator was first, then my best friend.

While I was out working to pay for it, they were testing out my king -size

waterbed.

All I want is lunch.

The lady doesn't appear to be going into town, sir.

Keep going, Thomas.

She's probably lost.

You know what women are.

How do you fancy a trip to London, Thomas?

It seems a long way to go for lunch, sir.

Drive on, Thomas.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Dad.

Wouldn't you like a plate?

You're joking.

I'll take it from that little bit.

Have you washed your hands?

Yeah. No, both did. This morning.

I find this all rather primitive.

I'm an onion ring, but great.

No, thank you. I don't think I like onion rings.

They do look like some kind of contraceptive device.

Sorry. It's a subtle observation.

Is this a chip -eating race? I mean, are we engaged in some international

challenge?

Thank you.

Cheers, Dad.

Cheers.

It's not like eating a meal with my son. It's like watching a documentary on

ball fields.

I guess we're just hungry and thirsty, and in a hurry.

In future, I'll just throw you live fish from the kitchen.

Great.

Hey, what time is it?

Ten past one. We'd better split. We're going to miss her. Hey, cool it.

Cool it. I want to crack it by tonight. She's the only... Please, carry on. I

wouldn't wish to interfere with your sexual conquest.

We must all exploit what little talent we have.

Oh, this one's really something, Dad.

She works in a sauna.

Yeah, and she wears those pure silk blouses, you know. Now you see them, now

don't.

They don't peer through frosted glass.

And what about those split skirts?

What about them?

Would it be a wasted effort to mention the word work at this point, or are you

both considering being in studs the rest of your lives?

Sounds pretty good to me. Yeah, a lying down job.

Come on, Dan.

It's the washing up, Dan.

Oh, have a nice time tonight. Love to mum.

I'm sorry, Mr Conrad, I just didn't see you there.

The window was all steamed up.

And it's kind of quicker to reverse straight into your drive, so as we're

the right way round.

You see what I mean?

I don't believe it.

It was bad enough before, when I couldn't use the drive.

When I used to meet them halfway.

But now they come in and get me.

We will sort out the damage and put it right.

I was sitting in my car listening to Brahms.

I just didn't see him, Dad.

Get inside, both of you.

Shall we separate the cars?

He's not ready for that.

You might end up with more than him.

Now, Mr Conrad, like civilised human beings, eh?

It's 18 years now since they were born.

Everything heads this way.

Snowballs, tennis balls, paper aeroplanes, darts, frisbees,

pellets.

And then they started to come too.

On tricycles, go -carts, skateboards, roller skates. I was sitting in my own

car, in my own...

listening to a violin concerto, and I had a head -on crash.

The dog's deteriorating, and the wife's under treatment for agoraphobia. Mr.

Parkinson, agoraphobia.

Excuse me, sir.

Are we booking in?

We haven't decided yet.

Very good, sir.

Wait here, Thomas.

Number 351, madam.

Overlooking the park.

Oh, lovely.

Jack, room 351. Have a nice day.

Thank you very much.

Good afternoon, sir.

May I help you?

Oh, yes, please. A single room.

For how many nights?

Oh, tonight, definitely, and we'll see after that. Thank you, sir.

350 or 352? Very good rooms, I seem to remember.

They're doubles, I'm afraid, sir.

Oh, well, it doesn't matter.

One never knows.

Have you any luggage, sir?

Well, just a briefcase. It's in the car. I'll go and get it.

She's staying, Thomas.

I'm not sure for how long, though. Does that mean that you're staying too, sir?

Well, it might turn out to be a very long lunch.

Shall I take the train?

You are my very dear friend, Thomas.

You take the car.

I'll come back with her.

Well, Thomas, where angels fear to tread, I go rushing in.

I wasn't here.

What do you mean, how fast was I? I wasn't going anywhere.

Put your brake on please, sir.

This is room 351. Could I order coffee, please?

For one.

Yes, thank you.

could put it on the bed.

Hello.

Leonard.

Happy birthday.

What are you doing?

How about lunch?

Please.

How did you know I was here?

I'll tell you all about it over lunch.

Ben.

He's coming up later.

Oh, it's all right. I'll get you back on time.

I don't know what to say.

Sit down.

This room, it worries me.

Yes, well, it's got a bed in it, hasn't it?

Don't be silly. It's not the bed.

Why should I worry about the bed?

Then come and sit here and talk to me.

It's all right. I'm just working something out.

What are you working out?

How to escape when I finally crack and pin you to the mattress?

Oh, hello. This is room 351 again.

Could I cancel that coffee I ordered, please?

Thank you.

Would it look strange, you and me in this room?

Oh, yes, it would.

They'd never get over it.

Well, I have been to consider.

Yes.

Yes, it's very romantic.

Two bathraps, two night things.

I expect there are two toothbrushes in the bathroom.

Yes, I miss all that.

Leonard, please don't.

You'll make me cry.

Oh, how delightful that would be. The sound of someone caring.

You're lying on my nightie. Oh, my God, rape, she cried.

Sorry. Leonard, I know it makes you smile.

A woman of my age.

worrying about the things I worry about, but if you want someone who doesn't,

then you must find a younger, less conventional and consequently more

person.

I did all that last night.

She came round to my plait.

There, you see, you're learning.

Liz, solid thighs, noticeable chest, built to last.

Well, I can obviously stop worrying about you.

I think I'll have a shower.

I want to go out and buy Ben something for my birthday.

It hurts, doesn't it?

The Bens and Lizzies of this world have a lot to answer for.

I suppose I do mention Ben a lot.

As often as you breathe.

You're free, Leonard.

You can do what you like. You can spend the night with whatever her name is. You

can chase married ladies to London. You're free.

I will get you back on time.

You won't change into a pumpkin.

Oh, Leonard.

Down. Where is that taxi? Shall I check it out?

Please sit down, touch nothing.

Not even the telephone, it might explode.

Look, we're really sorry, Dad, for causing you all this grief.

Yes.

Well, you can make up for it by just staying put until your mother and I get

back.

Thank God she's spending her birthday in London. At least she can have one

problem -free day.

We'll have the place tidy for her when she comes home. Yeah, I'll whiz round

with the hoover. Please don't. The entire contents of this house could end

that bag.

I expect there's times when you wish you hadn't had us.

I didn't have you, your mother did.

The only extraordinary reason she looks upon you as little presents from heaven.

I tend to take a more atheist view of the whole thing.

I guess we'll make it up to you one day.

I'm sure you will.

You'll marry some poor unfortunate female and produce lots of children.

We'll no doubt spend their times rebirthing into our wheelchairs.

Anyway, have a fantastic time.

Yeah. Burn your candle while you can.

Is there supposed to be some sort of message in that remark?

I mean, I know I'm just a poor old man struggling through the sunset of life.

Are you forecasting a total eclipse?

No, no. We think you're fantastic, Dad.

We fit and agile.

Your brain's still OK?

Yeah. And your stomach hasn't started climbing over your belt?

Yes. I just hope we get that lucky when we're your age.

You won't reach my age.

Someone will feed you a dose of real life one day and you'll be about as

as rabbits caught in a headlamp.

Did you order a taxi?

I'm coming, yes.

He's trodden stuff all up the path.

Yes?

It can't be real.

I'm glad we're friends again.

I missed you.

When I saw your car being towed along the road that day, I thought... I

about you.

I went... Pow!

Straight into a phone box.

I could have rung Thomas without getting out of the car.

I'll always remember today.

You won't have to remember it.

We'll do it all over again on my birthday.

Funny, isn't it, how old -fashioned we are?

I watch the boys being free, doing everything, breaking all the rules,

themselves with life, sleeping here, sleeping there.

No hang -ups, no guilt.

We were born too early, you and I.

Oh, not me.

If I had my way, we'd go straight back to that hotel.

Come back to the hotel.

I'm sorry.

You've got to get back to Ben.

I know.

We've still got another couple of hours.

I'm nervous, that's all.

Which side of the bed do you sleep on?

Any, either.

Doesn't matter to me.

Across the bottom, if you like.

Do you lie on your side or on your back?

I alternate, according to the situation.

Do you wear pyjamas?

Only if I get burgled.

Have you had a nice day?

Yes. Yes.

New? Oh, yes.

I almost didn't make it.

The train was pulling out.

But as I explained to the ticket collector, I'm going to commit adultery

wife.

Well?

Well?

It has been nice, hasn't it?

Yes, it has.

Frustrating, but...

Nice.

What a pity I've just had a birthday and grown one year older.

And one year wiser.

Thank you.