Original subtitles

Love is like a butterfly, soft and gentle as a fly. The

multicolored moods of love are like its satin wings.

Love makes your heart feel strange inside. It flutters like soft wings in

flight. Love is like a butterfly, a rare and gentle thing.

Hard, isn't it?

No, it's fine.

I'm just waiting for my stomach to get its crash helmet on.

The minute I switch that poster on, I can hear it laughing.

It's true. Not just the poster, either.

All the things in that kitchen fall about when they see me coming.

Have a happy day.

And you.

You look very important.

It's the briefcase.

It embellishes a man.

No, no, it's you.

It's your stance.

It's your poise.

It's your presence.

It's your dignity.

It's your briefcase.

Bye.

Bye.

I don't believe it. No one's blocking my way. I can actually get out of the

drive.

Oh, amazing day.

You probably get to your surgery and find that all your patient's fillings

dropped out.

That's all there is. I'll take it.

Who's phoning her at 8 .30 in the morning?

OK, OK, who's the joker?

Oh, hi, Ginny.

Yeah, sure, I'll get him for you.

It's OK, Mum, I'll take it up to her.

Okay, sunshine, come on.

Bright and breezy like the rest of it.

Genie.

Oh, great.

So who's listening?

Hi.

Yeah, sure. Okay.

Tonight.

Seven.

Bye.

She's in a hurry.

I'm seeing her tonight. Oh, boy. Watch out. It'll get to be horrific from now

on. Ah, the voice of the thousand experiences. No, not a thousand. One.

need to get caught in all that love crap once.

She is sensational.

Look out for lack of concentration, bouts of amnesia, and a spasmodic

of the left foot.

And the pillow hugging. And the pillow...

Right, you two. One each.

What's this for?

That, Russell, is a duster.

It's my day off.

And I'd like you each to remove the top layer of dust from the dark corners of

your rooms so that Ruby will only be faced with the other nine layers.

Oh, come on, Mum. I don't know how to use one of these.

Try, Adam.

Go in there and unravel one of life's mysteries.

Oh, this. I'm not even awake yet.

You look pale, Russell. What time did you get in last night?

Late -ish. How late -ish?

Late -ish last night -ish, or early -ish this morning -ish.

I see.

Well, if you want to live like the family cat, Russell, it's up to you.

He doesn't have such a bad time.

No, he doesn't get bags under his eyes either.

Yes, Mr Dunne?

Joyce, everything under control?

Yes, sir.

Don't forget to send off the Barrett Company invoice, will you? Oh, yes,

I'm expecting Thomas, but no other interruptions for half an hour, all

Will do.

Thank you.

Come in.

Ah, Thomas.

Must surely be what they call alcoholic telepathy.

Well, not for me, thank you, sir.

A chauffeur's job depends on how sober he is and how drunk everybody else is.

Do you know what that is, Thomas?

A driving licence, sir.

Right. Sit down, man, sit down.

My driving licence, Thomas.

After a whole year of being carted around like a baby in a pram, I'm now

to sit up front and bully and bitch along with the rest of them.

Congratulations, sir. Thank you.

I've got this friend.

Nice chap, happily married, no hang -ups, no vices.

Coming home from a stag party one night, drove his car straight through the

village pond. I've recommended you.

All right. Very kind of you, sir. When would you like me to leave?

Well, I'll fix you up with this other fellow first.

Well, here's to you, Thomas.

No more delivering maintenance to my wife. No more delivering notes to

else's wife. No more delivering advice about either.

We've been through some funny times together, haven't we, Thomas?

We have indeed, sir. Yes.

You have chauffeured me faithfully through the silly season of my life.

But now it's all over.

Autumn comes, and with it the return of good sense.

All over, sir?

Ria. She told me to go.

But then everybody tells me to go.

I seem to have the same nerve -wracking effect on people as loud music.

If you will forgive the observation, sir, your encounter with the lady could

never have been described as total.

Yes, it could, Thomas.

Total confusion, total frustration and a total disaster.

Perhaps she snores.

Or takes up all the duvet.

I have heard of those who get into bed wearing lanolin and pop socks.

Only one who wore a garter with a bell on it.

Like making love in a budgie cage.

Where have they gone, those bright, unsubtle days?

Oh, they haven't gone, sir.

We have.

Now, those of you who were watching yesterday afternoon will have baked a

sponge base like the one you see here.

You will have made a fruit jelly in the rainbow form using fresh fruits like the

one we have in here. Whip some cream, put it into a cream bag.

Hold and cut some strawberries in half and toasted some nuts.

Yeah, you're quite handsome really aren't you?

Now let me show you a nice easy way of unmolding a jelly. First of all you must

immerse the mould in lukewarm water. Don't get it too hot otherwise the whole

thing will melt. Yes, done that. For a few seconds take it out, wipe it clean.

Then put your sponge base centrally over the jelly mould upside down like that.

The platter on which you're going to serve it.

also upside down, feeling that it's fairly central, then invert the whole

like that, and there you have a nice, clean, moulded jelly.

the flavour we've used. In this case, it's going to be strawberries. I've cut

the strawberries in half and I'm going to put them all round here using the

sponge base as a guide.

I can't find my sponge base.

Continue putting them round the edge.

In fact, you'll notice I'm using the declinations here.

Next, we'll fill the bag with whipped cream.

Wait a minute, wait a minute!

back. Don't squeeze too hard. Just press. It comes on nicely.

Work your way around the base, sir.

I keep telling you I've lost my base.

Oh, the cream's clotted.

Just see how I'm building up the pattern.

Rosettes, swirls, anything you like in fact.

Oh, shut up, you stupid man.

to top it, any fruits suitable to the flavour of the jelly of May.

I'm not choosing a fruit which matches it.

It's got to go with the flavour of the jelly.

And the jelly to spice?

Any.

That's half a sequence of tangerine now.

And you'll see how they... We can then finish it off with a few ratatouille

biscuits.

Down the edge there.

Homemade, not if you can be bothered to make it, if not.

And you'll see there we have, in fact, a fairly handsome -looking fruit jelly.

And that's all from me for today. I do hope you've been able to follow what

been telling you.

Well, of course I've been able to follow what you've been telling me.

That's why you've got a rainbow jelly and I've got a strawberry trifle.

Trouble with me is I haven't got enough vices.

I don't smoke, I don't go to pubs.

I don't see him anymore.

I don't do anything.

Adam, why aren't you working?

I took the day off.

Oh, really, Adam? You must be the only long -distance lorry driver who never

goes anywhere.

It's a sort of funny day.

Funny day? What does that mean?

What is happening?

What have you done?

I'm getting married.

Yeah, that's about it. He's getting married.

Jeannie? Yeah.

Can you afford it?

No.

Well, let's not boil such wonderful news with gruesome facts.

The important thing is, do you love her? Are you happy?

Have you really thought about it?

Yes, I love her.

Yes, I'm happy, and yes, I've thought about it.

Well, that's all that matters, then.

You missed something out.

What?

She's pregnant.

You mean, she's going to have a baby?

Yeah, we looked it up. That's what pregnant means.

something like congratulations.

Oh, how wonderful.

And I will, eventually.

In the meantime, just call him a Burke.

Adam, that's not very compassionate.

Especially coming from someone who goes around with spend the night with me

written on his T -shirt.

Spend the night? Yeah, not my whole life.

Perhaps you've learned that sometimes when you do one, it leads to the other.

Only when you're a Burke. Adam!

You're okay, sunshine.

You're coming down the disco later.

I'll see you then.

Rock -a -bye, babe.

Adam isn't impressed.

Dad isn't going to be pleased.

I need a friend, Mum.

We'll sort it out.

Jeannie's gone to her parents for a few days.

I expect they're sorting it out as well.

I'll tell your father.

It's all right.

When it comes to big, important things, your father's understanding.

Perhaps when Jeannie comes back, she'll come and see us, and then her parents

and your father and I will... We'll talk about what is best.

Oh, boy.

No, it'll be all right.

You're great, Mum.

Jeannie's father.

Is he bigger than your father?

Pregnant, did you say?

Yes.

You told me that while you were casually sitting there filing your nails.

Well, how else should I tell you?

Standing to attention, draped in a black flag?

Oh, my God!

Oh, Ben, you're behaving like they do in women's cheap magazines.

Because my sons do the kind of things they do in women's cheap magazines.

How did it happen?

And in what circumstances?

Or was it our fault?

Was it in the back of a car or in the garden shed because they had nowhere

to go?

And would it not have happened if they'd been less rushed, less worried?

Oh, God, how am I expected to get those two hastily to manhood?

Russell wants to marry Jeannie.

Marry her?

I can't tell whether he wants to or whether he feels he ought to.

All that science, all that research, all those pills.

Adam doesn't seem to think he should.

Adam? Oh, I see, the expert on life.

Well, he has had more experience with girls than Russell.

You mean he's had more sex?

Well, he's got that...

Pale, used look.

That's because he always lounges himself with some female dragon who leaps at

him and completely eliminates his physical responsibilities.

If Adam ever procreates, he could quite legitimately say he had nothing to do

with it.

Perhaps you could talk to Russell.

Nicely. Don't frighten him.

Why should I frighten him?

Well, you're so... You're so respectable.

Even in your pyjamas.

I suppose it's difficult for our sons to imagine that you do any of the normal

naughty things of life.

And, of course, they couldn't possibly know that you're absolutely wonderful in

bed. We are discussing Russell's moments of triumph, not mine.

Anyway, I told him it would be all right.

You're not even shocked, are you?

You're not disturbed. It's just life today to you, isn't it?

A natural progression of this mindless, ruthless, braless world we live in.

It's just that lately I've come to realise that when two people... When

Well, I seem to understand.

I'll talk to him.

Not shout.

No, talk.

Nicely.

Nicely, yes.

I'll try to conjure up the kind of affinity I have for my son when we're

faced with the prospect of your sponge pudding.

What time is it, Thomas?

11 .27, sir.

What time is my appointment, did you say?

Six o 'clock.

Good God, I've been aged.

Sorry, Thomas, keeping you all that waiting.

Did the deal, though, didn't I?

Furthered the good name of my firm and topped up the bank balance yet again,

Thomas, yet again.

You have a remarkable gift, sir.

It appears to operate alone.

without the encumbrance of your brain or its opinions.

You mean I can get pissed and still run my business?

Oh, isn't it wonderful, Thomas, being human, with

legs and arms and eyes and a voice?

Alone,

that means,

Thomas.

Alone with my legs.

and arms and eyes and voice.

Whereas you, my friend, you can go home to your wife and your bull terrier.

Did I ever tell you my wife left me the tortoise, Thomas?

Yes, indeed, sir.

Amazing things, tortoises.

Sort of alive, but dead.

Sorry for keeping you all that time, Thomas.

Hardly in the line of duty.

A parting gesture, sir.

I think you'll enjoy the new job, though.

He's a good chap.

Nice car, too. I'll probably bump into you sometime.

I'll probably bump into you sometime.

God, I'm funny.

I don't know how I'm going to fight that tortoise off.

It goes mad with excitement when it sees me.

You know something, Thomas?

I appear to have started to drink.

I'm sorry

to hold up your lunch, but I think you know what it's about.

I'd better buzz.

There's no need to buzz. You could possibly benefit from this conversation.

First, let me say that I'm not going to deliver a hysterical lecture.

The irony of it is that I have for a long time pleaded with you to do

positive.

Now you have, but you've done the wrong thing too well too soon.

Dad, I'm going to marry her, so you don't need to worry.

I don't need to worry?

What does that mean?

It means about neighbours and patients.

You won't have to change your name and wear dark glasses.

Do you think that I don't worry about your personal happiness?

I will be happy.

Have you thought about where you're going to live?

Where you're going to get money from?

I guess that's where you come in.

I'll find a job.

And what about Jeannie?

Would she mind sitting in at night while her husband goes out in his roller

skates, or is this the last thing?

I'll have to give things up, won't I?

Do you love her?

Yes.

And she you?

Yes.

Let's go from there, then, shall we?

I must get to the surgery.

Is that all?

Why, did you have a problem, too?

No, it's just... Were you being a real nice guy about all this?

If I'd known you were like this in a crisis, I wouldn't have held back so

On the nasty side, your problem lies in the fact that I'm unpredictable.

Thanks, though.

I know you consider me to be old -fashioned, a hermit crab, if you like,

out of its little shell at the marching world.

But when I do come out... You come out with style, dear.

Hang on, you lot. Get your bums somewhere else.

mind if Jeannie and her parents are coming.

Isn't that T -shirt a little tactless?

Why? It's rough. We've got the problems, not me.

Yeah, it looks good.

Yes.

Well, I didn't actually cook anything, that's why.

It's all as it was, as it grew, and as it came out of the tin.

Put that back.

Oh, I hope your father can cope.

Hey, they're only people.

Jeannie's people, Adam.

So what? Who's Jeannie? Just a person.

Adam, you mustn't speak ill of the pregnant.

go through the business of whose fault it was.

How could she get my son into trouble?

That's easy.

The girls today, wow.

What they don't say on their t -shirts they keep for afters.

It's just not safe to let your sons out these days.

I'll miss him being around.

He will be around.

Yeah, but he won't be the same.

He'll get that heavy look of fatherhood and he'll smell of sick.

Ross is feeling good.

If I get lucky, I could be next, then you'll have your whole self to yourself.

Well, that's the idea of it, isn't it?

Mothers wait for their kids to go.

Difference is, you waited a lot longer than anyone else, but you look a whole

lot better.

Oh, if only we could tell you what we know, Adam.

If only the mother rabbit could tell the baby rabbit about the farmer's gun.

She can't, can she?

She doesn't know about it till she's been shot herself.

Or shot at.

By the time you're 40, you've been shot at so often you walk about to the tune

of one, two, three, duck.

One, two, three, duck.

Hey, Mum, is everything OK? They'll be here any minute.

Oh, great.

Put that back.

It's no good. You'll have to do it on a backstand.

They're here.

Now, remember, Adam, this is a very serious moment in Russell's life. I

want you sitting there grinning and grimacing while he attempts to grow up.

to handle things.

Hello. How nice to see you.

I am the father of the father. You must be the entire family of the mother.

Oh, my God.

Hello, Jeannie.

Oh, come in.

I won't if you don't mind, Mr. Parkinson.

I'd like you to give Vic to Russell.

I've explained everything to my parents.

This is explaining to him.

Oh, I see.

Oh, wouldn't you like to... No.

Thank you just the same.

I must go.

Oh, this is for you.

Jeannie brought it.

Where is she?

Oh, she wouldn't come in.

Oh, I asked, of course.

They're not coming.

Oh, great. I can have a sausage then.

Why? What has happened?

Jeannie came with a letter for Russell.

She didn't want to see him, but he's rushed off after.

Oh, it's the old story, isn't it? I thought I was, now I'm not.

It would seem that way, yes.

Oh, I'm so glad I don't have to face her mother.

had this vision of a large, well -powdered lady with a reinforced chest

lethal arms bearing down on your father with a Harrods handbag.

Oh, in spite of all our bravado, it's been very worrying, hasn't it? Yes.

I don't suppose there's anything else you two can come up with, is there?

Tune in next week, bug.

I think I'd like to eat now.

Yes, let's all eat. Adam, open the wine.

Uh, no.

Is everything all right? Are you and she... Oh, yeah, sure.

Everything's fine. Good.

Well, here we are.

Back to normal.

We can all carry on as before.

Yes.

Nothing's changed, really. Another drama, come and gone.

Oh, Leonard.

How I miss talking to you. How I wish I could blink my eyes and open and find

everything the way I want it to be.

Do they really need all this food?

How different everything is today.

If I'd have gone home and announced I was pregnant, my father would have gone

out and swatted the culprit like a fly.

Still... She isn't.

So it's just another drama.

Come and gone.

Dear Russell, I hope you'll forgive me.

But the truth is, I want to have our baby, but I don't want to be married.

It's nothing to do with not loving you.

It's more to do with not wanting to spoil things.

Do you understand, I wonder?

Will anybody understand?

Thank you.