Original subtitles

Love is like a butterfly, soft and gentle as the sky. The

multicolored moods of love are like its saddened wings.

Love makes your heart feel strange inside. It flutters like soft wings in

flight. Love is like a butterfly, a rare and gentle thing.

Are you finished?

Merry Christmas.

Thank you.

Merry Christmas, sir.

Oh, no, no. Thank you.

adam or russell please they're not up yet perhaps if you try later they begin

twitch about noon i've got a buzz right now but could you tell them that sure

was an okay thing they came on with last night wowee deep joy and a merry

christmas okay

Hi, Dave.

Rafe called for a wrap. He says he has to buzz right now.

OK, fine.

But that sure was an OK thing you came on with last night.

Great.

Wowee and deep joy, he said.

Are you in any trouble with that thing? I mean, you will eventually snap back

into position.

It's the Holden -Bill technique.

Ah.

Yes.

I've just been in to Adam. He's standing there with a chest expander. God, he's

puny.

Oh, he's been in mortal combat with that thing for weeks.

Hold and build, he calls it, but he doesn't seem to have built anything yet.

Well, thin is beautiful, so they say.

As long as you've got enough hip bone to stop your jeans falling down.

Oh.

Oh, isn't it a wonderful thing?

Stretching. Yes.

It's sensual.

Like being born.

Well, not exactly like being born.

Being born must be awful.

I had hoped to have an uncomplicated moment just drinking coffee with my wife

bed.

Both of us in bed.

Instead, there seemed to be several of you and only half of me.

Ria, are you trying to seduce me?

No, I'm stretching and yawning.

Ah, but that's not the usual, hey -ho, have a good scratch and away we go, is

it? It's more subtle, more dangerous.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Every day millions of men miss their train because of that sort of thing.

How lucky they are.

Oh, yes, it's all there. The female gaze, the casual arrangement of the

the rationing out of the bed.

What do you want and can I afford it?

There's been something odd about you for the past few days.

You've been following me.

About the house, around the bed.

Hanging on to me.

It's been like trying to fight off a very possessive scar.

What have you done?

Nothing. I've done nothing.

And I want nothing.

At moments like this, I think I know how God felt when he discovered he'd

outwitted himself by giving woman a mind.

Why don't we just have that?

uncomplicated cup of coffee you were talking about.

Thanks.

This has got to be the most complicated cup of coffee I've ever had.

There's something on her mind.

I can see it peering at me from her eyes.

In a moment, she'll ask me what I want for breakfast to make me feel secure and

cared for.

Then she'll go down there and deal the toast like an irate card player.

Or a leg into its cup from a great height.

Even the lumped sugar will land in my coffee like a great boulder.

All this and Christmas.

I wonder what Christmas is really like.

I don't see much from the kitchen.

It's like travelling along a beautiful country lane in a closed van.

Three whole days locked in a tiled cell with a dead turkey.

Serve it hot, serve it cold, with salad, with chips, in a sandwich.

And when it's all over, we'll both be thoroughly knackered.

Except I'll be worse off, because I'll still be alive.

What are you thinking?

Oh, nothing.

Well, perhaps I was thinking how lucky we are, just sitting here like this,

drinking coffee.

Yes, that's what I was thinking too.

What would you like for breakfast?

I saw your letters on the car seat. I know you have to pass this box on your

home. It seems probable.

Oh, and these, really?

I know.

Childish, isn't it?

But I've missed seeing you.

Seeing me? You weren't seeing me. You were bumping into me.

Oh, yes, accidentally.

Like the hound bumps into the fox.

Your wife, is she still back with you?

Some of her is.

What does that mean?

It means that some of her isn't.

Some of her has gone forever.

You mean love?

Love? Why are you so obsessed by that word? What the hell has love got to do

with anything?

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm just a poor, health -bound creature.

While the rest of the world is remodernising human emotions, I am

through the pink bubbles of my washing -up liquid.

You talk about love as if we have a right to it.

Love is that little red apple at the top of that big tree, the one that you want

but you can't reach. And why?

Because when you were born, they forgot to give you a bloody letter.

Then why don't you bloody...

I lost my temper, Thomas.

For no reason.

I'm always doing it. You should never bring apples into the conversation, sir.

They created havoc between Adam and Eve.

I'll switch the moaning fellas off while I'm working.

Of course, yes.

half, you know. One more go, one more go.

Come on.

Can't get past three somehow.

Press that one.

Okay, okay, don't hassle me.

I'll make you blue. My turn.

Hi, Dad.

Hi.

This is a great game, Dad.

To blow your mind.

Are we disturbing you?

No, no, no, no, no.

No, I like... Like flashing Christmas trees, singing Christmas cards and games

that light up and buzz, they have all the restful qualities of Las Vegas.

Bloody overcrowded, this house is.

there's more balloons

I'm sorry I'm late, but lunch is unavoidable.

I'll have a time machine for help.

It's all right. Nothing will help.

Hi, Mum.

I set the oven timer, like you said.

Smells good.

Smells good.

Psychology, psychology.

It won't be long. I'm just waiting for it to identify itself.

No need to rush.

Take it quietly.

Could you move these things off the table, please? Sure.

Fine.

I know for you, eating has no sense of ritual, but for me it's one of the few

pleasant and refined social activities left.

Hey, Mark, can we do anything to help?

You could fast.

It's cheese and tomato pizza. I'm just telling you in case you don't recognise

it.

It's lunch, not it's a knockout.

Well, I was in late and... So what? It's no hassle.

Be a day late. Be a year.

We'll wait.

Yeah.

I'll just get the food.

Now, look, we've been through moments like this before.

The simple rule is, no matter what your mother brings out of that kitchen, we

look at it, one, without registering any emotion, and two, without uttering one

derogatory word, gasp, or moan.

Yes. Wow.

It's no good.

Nothing's any good.

Stay where you are. Just stay where you are.

Now, come on.

Everything's fine.

I'm not cut out for this job.

When I was 14, I wanted to go to Africa on roller skates.

You're just going to sit down here.

That's it. You sit there and I'll serve lunch. Shall we?

I'll do it.

I'll do it.

Hi, Mum.

Hi.

Christmas, you see.

Christmas, it frightens me.

I spend all year in that kitchen doing it wrong.

Nothing comes out of that oven that you couldn't successfully resurface the road

with.

Sure, you've got talent.

Some people only manage to bring food out of the oven.

And then along comes Christmas, and it's like exam time.

Peas cling to each other, custard trebles its weight.

Everything lands on the plate like a meteorite.

I should have gone to Africa on roller skates.

glad you didn't, because if you hadn't married Dad, we wouldn't be around.

Hey, just think.

Because certain people aren't getting married. Certain people aren't being

Just a front in thought.

All right, I'm just persuading it to leave. Go, that's all.

Come on, it's no sweat.

Yes, he got the pizza wrong. Who's worried?

Your father's worried.

Oh, he doesn't say so, but the way to a man's heart is definitely to his

stomach. No, you took the circular road.

So long as you got there.

And you did.

Lunch is served.

There.

There.

There.

For a moment I thought there wasn't enough to go round.

There.

Ben, I cooked some sprouts.

I was in a bit of a hurry getting them out of the pan.

They're in the sink.

out of order, sir.

It isn't out of order, Thomas. I checked.

It is Christmas Eve tomorrow, Thomas. All I want to do is wish you a happy

Christmas.

Don't you think you ought to give up, sir, now that your wife has come back?

Give up, Thomas? Give up what? What has possibly happened between her and me

that I could ever want to give up?

The dreams.

You're forgetting.

I'm a man who won't give up smoking, who won't give up drinking.

Hardly like to give up dreaming, am I?

That's the secret of my success, Thomas.

I never give up.

Thomas! There was a young fellow from Cheen who took up jogging to keep his

lean.

When he began, wherever he ran, he kept tripping over.

Coming, sir.

Come on, hurry up. Okay, okay.

Thanks, Mum.

Would you kindly put those back, please?

They're for tomorrow.

Oh, boy.

Everything has to wait for tomorrow.

Not everything, Adam. You can make your beds today.

I can't cope with all this domestic stuff.

I'm going to have to get married.

You'll have to find someone desperate enough first.

Listen, sunshine, women go crazy for me.

I have a quiet magnetic quality.

Oh, yeah?

That way you can never get your wristwatch to work.

OK, Mum.

I'll see you.

Adam, if anyone accepts the invitation on your T -shirt, make it her place,

you?

I'll see you in the car, Adam. Yeah, OK.

See you, Mum.

See you.

very much either.

Ruby, could you do something with that turkey?

They've sent me all of it this year.

Nice bacon, isn't it?

Perhaps if you... Oh, I don't know. It's all... Oh,

get rid of his head and things, shall I?

Leonard, you're right. You do only live once, and it is very short.

I'll be in the park in one hour.

It is Christmas. You have a busy afternoon, sir.

Ah, well, I'll just go twice round the park.

Sir? Hmm?

Have you forgotten something?

Oh, yes, sir.

Yes, thank you, Thomas.

Have an hour.

That's damn silly, isn't it?

You know, someone bought it for me last year and actually expected me to go to

bed in it.

I know.

Christmas brings out all the nonsense in people.

Do you know, someone sent us this awful Christmas card this year. And when you

open it, it plays this horrendous squeaky version of Jingle Bells.

I've got this great fear of Christmas.

And as I see the first bits of tinsel hanging in the shops, I'm filled with

doom.

All this pretend merriment, all this eating and drinking and buying people

things you need yourself.

All the ordinary things of life are suddenly gift -wrapped.

The house is filled with bows and bells and dishes.

I'm not very domesticated, you see. Trying to keep me in the kitchen's like

trying to keep a moth in a parrot cage.

Well, I'm one of the eaters and drinkers.

I just sit there, consuming everything.

Rather like a giant seal, swallowing his fish.

Oh, I must go.

I've got three giant seals at home, and I'm the one who throws the fish.

I, um...

It's awkward.

Buying presents, I mean, for you.

For someone who is... Who's married.

Yes, I know.

I know, I wanted to buy you something, but... Well, as you say, it is, it's

awkward.

Yes, it's done.

Is it a leaf?

I don't see what's wrong with a card that plays jingle bells.

Not you.

Oh!

Oh,

it's you.

Oh, thank goodness it's you. I thought you were a mince pie.

I was being chased by an army of mince pies.

I leapt off the hot plate with a view to landing safely on the jelly.

But it hadn't fed and I had to swim right across the dish.

I'm glad you made it.

Oh, it was so real.

Thank God you didn't land on the blancmange. We'd never have got you out.

Oh.

It's here.

Christmas Day.

Look, um, it's only six o 'clock.

Supposing I go make breakfast?

Oh, Ben, that'll be twice with you.

Then we can have a nice, quiet, present opening beginning to the day.

Like we had once before marriage.

And children.

And all the other pleasant but intrusive things of life.

You mean a romantic breakfast?

The kind you'd have with a lover?

Well, yes, if you insist on analysing it completely.

The kind you have when you sip coffee, undo little ribbons, open little boxes,

and then make passionate love amongst the wrapping paper.

Maybe I won't bother about breakfast.

Good morning, Pope. Breakfast for two, to be followed by a grand present

-opening ceremony to be held in the main dining room.

We wish you a great Christmas. We wish you a great Christmas. We wish you

a great Christmas and a space of New Year.

Oh, sorry, forgot the musical accompaniment.

Thank you.