Original subtitles

Love is like a butterfly, soft and gentle as a fly. The

multicolored moods of love are like its satin wings.

Love makes your heart feel strange inside.

It flutters like the wings in flight.

Love is like a butterfly, a rare and gentle thing.

Boy, another day.

Yeah. It's about this time I begin to wish I'd got it together at school, you

know. Oh, it wouldn't have changed the scene.

Look at Guy. Got everything right.

Still in my dog key with us.

Yeah. I guess I'll just have to marry some rich chick.

Oh, you don't have to marry her. Just live with her till the bread runs out.

Right. Who is responsible?

Who has put washing up liquid in the shower shampoo container?

father is standing in his bath and caked in froth.

It's not funny, not at half past eight in the morning and definitely not when

it's your father.

We got the idea from Guy.

Caused a real laugh in their house. Their father came out in a... Get

out. Go on.

Sure.

We, uh, we didn't know you were allergic.

It was a joke.

Sort of fun.

To make you laugh.

Ouch!

Is this supposed to make me laugh too?

Well, with my track record, that looks like a perfectly good breakfast.

This egg has been fertilised.

Oh, good.

That shows that in spite of all the desperations going on in this world,

chickens are still having fun.

Would you remove it from my plate, please? I will try and collaborate with

bacon.

Oh, my God.

I'm not being awkward.

No, of course not.

I mean, I didn't say anything to those two, did I?

I just sat here with my rash.

My appearance is important.

The dentist has to get very close to his patients. He can't do zooming in on

them, looking thoroughly contagious. My plate is empty.

I know.

Where's my bacon?

In the bin.

In the bin?

Well, I tried to tip the egg in and the bacon followed it.

You have to make do with toast.

Oh.

You look nice.

Nice, first thing in the morning.

You look natural, uncluttered.

I haven't got any make -up on, silly.

I like you without make -up. Oh, what foolishness. My face is about as

interesting as a bath bun without make -up. You look young.

Oh, young.

All right, you look like a bloody bath bun, then.

Why is it that when you flatter a woman, she has to argue?

Why can't she simply say thank you?

When you flatter a man, he doesn't say, Oh, don't be silly, I haven't shaved

yet. I look an absolute mess in the morning.

Does he?

No, because he's not as honoured.

But he does look an absolute mess in the morning.

He looks like an old leaf.

The kind you'd find on the roof of your car in November.

He looks as crisp as his yesterday's shirt and as sombre as his socks.

Thank you.

He criticises his eggs.

And he slams doors.

And down and

up, two, three. And down and up, two, three.

Once again.

out movement, right?

Now, remember, girls, plenty of balance. This is good for your circulation and

it strengthens the muscles of the back and the legs. Are we ready?

And one and two and one and two and one and two and one and two and one and two.

What the hell am I doing here anyway?

It's my mind that wants some exercise, not my body.

And one and two and one. Come on, girls, get some space between you and the

floor. Oh, God, I forgot to set the oven timer.

One and two and one and two. One and two and two. Silly cow.

I bet half a dozen of these would kill her.

Mrs. Parkinson.

I think I join an amateur dramatic with that.

There's nothing stupid to be bothering about with this lot.

Mrs. Parkinson.

I wouldn't mind, but I don't feel any better.

Mrs.

Parkinson, we seem to have moved on with it.

We're going to tighten up those tummy muscles.

So, we lift the feet off the ground to about six inches, hold for three, and

then gently drop.

Ready? And up, two, three, hold, two, three, drop.

Up, two, three, hold, two, three, and gently...

Thomas Curtier? My pleasure.

Mr Dunn has complained of feeling unwell, madam. I'm taking him home. Oh.

I know you're there.

Forgive me, I think I'm dying.

Yeah, but what is it?

What is it?

I expect it's one of the many viruses that man falls prey to, madam.

No doubt there'll be some suitable drug to re -immortalise him.

Are you taking him to his doctor?

His doctor will be informed, Madam, yes.

Sorry for the delay, madam, but Mr Dunn has several hundred pairs of pyjamas and

they're all in the wash at the same time.

We blow -dried a pair for him.

Hasn't he any help?

He prefers to manage himself, ma 'am.

It must be very lonely for him up there.

For him, it is lonely anywhere.

One day you'll get married, won't you, Adam? I mean, one day.

Oh, yeah, one day.

I don't see myself as the average married guy, you know. I kind of feel

like an elusive, smouldering tormentor.

Funny, the image we have of ourselves.

What are you looking for now?

My face shadow.

What does that do?

Well, it sort of brings out the contours of my face.

Highlights the cheekbones and sharpens the details.

Oh.

Something to look forward to.

It accentuates my full mouth.

That's your mouth, right?

Why don't you move your arm?

You'd be surprised how well your head will get on without them.

I didn't actually fancy you, Martha.

Really? Well, you can't fancy everybody, can you? It'd be pretty exhausting.

Oh, yes, yes.

I mean, a guy with my potential has to be selective.

Oh, he does.

That really is gone now.

Did you always have it, or is it something out of the bag?

Everything you see, I've always had.

You know, I always say a guy should never kill himself, because at any

something like this could happen.

Why don't you go and sit in the other room, Ben? It's more comfortable.

Adam's in there.

Oh, surely you can share a room with your son.

He's not alone. Some female's got him cornered on the settee.

Oh, good.

Were they actually kissing?

Well, she was. I expect Adam was playing some minor role somewhere underneath.

He's shy, Ben.

Not shy, lazy.

He really keeps crashing his cars because every five minutes he has to

the controls and surrender himself to a yawn.

I'm making a card.

What kind of card?

No special kind.

I've got these pressed wildflowers. I thought they'd make a pretty picture.

I've got a squashed violet, a mangled primrose and a thoroughly murdered

And magnifying glasses in the other room. Damn.

Well, go and get it.

I can't. It's embarrassing.

What's embarrassing about two young people kissing, for heaven's sake? It's

private thing, kissing.

Oh, for you it is.

For them it's just a natural, loving little gesture.

Stop when you go in anyway.

We'll give Adam a chance to rest.

There's no quality left in life, somehow. Why can't they be the way we

Even the songs.

You heard the lyrics of the songs today.

For the first verse, you get innuendos, and the second is blatantly suggestive.

And then for the chorus, they come right out with it.

Yes, wonderful, isn't it?

Hi, Dad.

Excuse me.

Hi, Dad.

Yeah, well, I'm not your surface guy, you know. I'm not your instant impact.

I kind of slowly haul you into my charisma.

Sorry.

Yeah.

Yeah, I kind of identify with that remark.

Did you get your magnifying glass?

Bradford is entwined with someone on the stairs, and Adam is slowly hauling his

catch into his charisma.

God, all that make -up.

Must be like having an encounter with a toffee apple.

Well, I think it's nice they can do all those things in their own home.

We couldn't.

Remember the back of your Morris Minor.

Neither we went intruding on other people's privacy.

There is a time and a place.

You mean in bed, at night, in the dark?

Get set, on your mark, all out.

I mean that I am personally affected by their on -the -spot desires.

Well, why don't we affect them with our desires?

I can't. It's too primitive.

You can.

I, um... I need some warning.

So?

Here I am, warning you.

I, um... You've got that melted look.

You're an ice cream, and I've just put you in the oven.

Oh, my God.

Here I am, ready to break all my own rules, feeling a reckless volcanic need

go on the rampage.

And I can't get up my bloody stairs.

It's been three days now.

That's not like him.

He hasn't been in the cafe.

He hasn't been jogging through the park.

He hasn't even phoned me for his daily rebuff.

A spoonful in my stomach, the rest on my T -shirt.

How many times must I tell you not to drink from the carton?

Hello?

Oh, hi, Martha.

Yeah.

I know.

Oh, sure, I'll phone you sometime.

Well, I don't know exactly when.

OK, so you may not be around. I guess you can't be lucky all the time.

Just incredible. What? What's incredible?

The way I'm such a cool, together guy.

Yeah, Russell speaking.

Oh, hi, Martha.

Hey, look, look.

Yeah, yeah, I know, Adam gives you a lot of grief.

OK, OK, I'll talk to him.

Hey, come on, don't cry now.

See you.

That was nice, Rattle, that thoughtful.

After all these years of waiting, I've suddenly glimpsed in you something I

approve of.

Hello,

is that Barrett and Dunn?

Oh, is Mr Dunn there, please?

Oh, I see.

No, no, there's no message.

Yes, I knew he was feeling ill about three days ago. Or was it two? I can't

remember. Well, he'll be back tomorrow, I expect, and then... Oh, he won't.

Well, I'll talk to him when he is then. Thank you. Goodbye.

Ria! In here!

The day before yesterday, I couldn't get out of my house because their cars

blocked me in.

Yesterday I couldn't move around my house because their girlfriends blocked

way. Today I can't get into my house because their cars have blocked me out.

Should I go and live elsewhere?

I'll call them.

Oh, lunch is not ready, but it is remotely possible.

Did you have a nice morning?

No. What?

No beautiful blondes gazing up at you from your dentist chair?

You're being very provocative lately.

Is this some evil plan to take my mind off the horrors that come out of that

kitchen?

No, I'm just a bit schizophrenic, that's all.

Yesterday I was a housewife.

Today I'm a harlot.

I think you ought to take advantage of today, because tomorrow I'm planning on

being a slut.

Don't mind me. Carry on.

Great stuff.

Look, is there a part of this house where your mother and I might have some

privacy? Adam's on the phone to this chick.

Perhaps we booked the airing cupboard in advance.

Excuse me, Adam.

Yeah, I'm sorry to interrupt this conversation between you and the lady,

uh, you know that ailment you've got?

The one that you don't like to talk about?

You keep writing to magazines and they keep sending you remedies.

Great sunshine.

Very hilarious. Just because you fancy yourself.

Did you two hear me call?

Yeah, sorry, Mum. Shut it. You haven't left room in the drive for your father.

Would you move your cars, please?

Sure. Oh, come on. Oh, come on.

Out.

I don't think I can go through with this ritual much longer. Will anyone ever

marry them, do you think?

They're not going anywhere.

Thank God for that.

I've got to go out.

Something I forgot.

Your lunch is on the table. Oh, hey, Mum.

Catch.

Oh, don't worry, Dad. I'll move you, OK?

Catch.

point, is there?

There's no point in my having a car.

Every time I try to get out of the drive, you lot are waiting for me.

It's all the time, isn't it?

In and out, in and out.

It's not just the gentle chap going off to work routine. Oh, no, no.

It's a nerve -shattering chorus of brakes and lunatics.

afraid to go out.

Well, don't you get out into the road. I'm not in a pitch state to bloody

I'll walk.

I will.

I will. I'll walk.

One of which is worse, living over here with them or living there anticipating

them.

I'm glad you came.

A touch of purity.

It's fine now.

I thought you might ring if you had. You wouldn't have come.

Well, I would have known how you were, so I wouldn't have needed to come.

Is there anything I can do for you?

Thomas said you like to manage alone.

I don't like managing alone. I've learned to manage alone.

Well, you could get rid of the hot water bottle out of the bottom of the bed.

It's down there somewhere.

been there for days.

Haven't got round to it, somehow.

Isn't it strange?

I feel afraid of suddenly coming face to face with your feet.

It's not my feet you're afraid of.

It's the fact that they're part of my body, and what's worse, they're naked.

isn't, aren't they?

I can't see the hot water bottle.

Perhaps it's higher up.

It's not there.

Perhaps it never was.

I don't know what I'm doing here.

I'm married to someone else.

the table with a plate of something awful in front of him.

I must go home and give him his even more awful dessert.

Are you suffering from guilt? Guilt? I've done nothing to feel guilty about.

Oh, so your husband knows you're here then, does he? In my flat?

In my bedroom?

Molesting my feet?

I'm that bar of chocolate, aren't I?

The one you're afraid to eat because it'll make you fat, but you like the

So you keep on nipping back into the cupboard and nibbling at it.

I know all the symptoms.

I've been in and out of that bloody cupboard for years.

Leonard.

You're an attractive man.

You've said so yourself.

So why are you lying there alone in bed?

I mean ill and alone in bed.

I mean alone and ill and in bed.

Time. That's why.

The unpardonable march of time.

Once I had a bed sit.

Women used to come to my web like...

Fragile Gothamer creatures.

We used to spend the evenings frolicking beneath the shower, drinking wine

wrapped in warm bath towels.

My mind's a blank after that.

I think it was marriage.

Oh, my God, marriage.

Drinking wine wrapped in warm bath towels.

You say that as if it's foreign to you.

No, no, no, nothing is foreign to me.

Ben and I do everything in life.

We're bilingual.

So why are you learning?

My bed is empty.

I did this card.

It's wildflowers. I picked them and pressed them myself. I didn't make it

especially for you. You just happen to be ill. It's fair.

Why do you feel silly?

I have a perfectly good bathroom. I feel secure in my bathroom.

I don't know why we're not sitting here naked.

And drunk.

Naked and drunk, both.

Well, why not?

Adam and Russell are well and truly out.

The house is empty.

The wine bottle is full.

We are married.

Ria, I'm of the opinion lately that there's something wrong.

These nostalgic references to the back of my Morris Minor, all that nonsense in

the shower, and now this.

If I were your average frightened man, it would worry me.

It'd make me think, why is she doing this? Am I inadequate?

Am I boring? Am I a sexual failure? Is there something I don't know?

And if none of these things apply, then why the hell has she got more energy

than I have?

But I'm not your average frightened man, I know that.

Physically.

We are happy.

I know that what I do is thorough.

And fantastic.

So, no matter what all this parlor erotica is about, it in no way takes

complete faith I have in myself as a man.

It's not just sex.

Being naked and getting drunk, not sex.

It's to do with... Getting there, it's the journey before the arrival.

God, you sound like a travelogue.

It's... It's to do with excitement.

Excitement?

Oh.

So I am a boring, inadequate failure. Right.

No, no, no, don't try to console me.

I know exactly what to do.

Oh, yes.

I haven't lived all these years without knowing what to do.

Oh, no.

When a woman lays a trap, what you do... What you do...

is walk right into it.

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