Original subtitles

Love is like a butterfly, soft and gentle as a fly. The

multicolored moods of love are like its saddened wings.

Love makes your heart feel strange inside. It flutters like soft wings in

flight. Love is like a butterfly, a rare and gentle thing.

I can't find my garden hose.

My garden hose is missing.

Has anyone cleaned their car lately with my garden hose?

Is it remotely possible that someone has driven over my garden hose and

flattened it, thus hiding the evidence?

Or cut it up into small pieces in order to siphon petrol out of my car?

I will not leave this hall until I get my garden hose!

They're all out.

you

Remember me as you pass by.

As you are now, so once was I.

As I am now, so you will be.

Prepare thyself to follow me.

As I am now, so you will be.

Impressing me.

I mean, all those people out there. Couldn't you think of something else

of death?

Something a little less final.

Like a permanent dazed condition.

No, you're right. It wouldn't work.

We'd all go around colliding with each other.

I've got such a lot left to do.

So far it's been all cooking and kids.

I'd like something, something else.

Please.

It's not that I'm ungrateful. No.

I've got my health.

I can see and hear and walk and talk.

I look quite good.

As long as it isn't windy.

I've got people who love me.

People I love. Everything, really.

It's just that... Well, I would like something else.

Between now and being out there like those people.

You're really going to have to get rid of that Union Jack car if you want to

rid of me.

It's my son's car. You know that.

Yes. But I always know when you're driving it. By the way, it's parked.

It looks like someone who's fallen into bed drunk.

That sounds like an experience you're familiar with.

There have been occasions, yes, when I have landed on my bed like a felled pine

tree.

What a strange place to meet.

Accidentally. Ah, you're afraid of that word meet, aren't you? You have to

quickly add the word accidentally.

I've already said I don't do things accidentally. I do them by design.

Leonard, are you flirting with me?

Outrageously.

Is there any special reason?

I mean, the town is full of females, young and free.

Is it?

I'm so unobservant.

Do I look like your wife? Is that it?

No, you don't look like my wife.

My wife is beautiful.

And she's my ex -wife.

Sorry.

I'm not religious.

Nor I.

I just came for a chat with... him.

I came for one with you.

There was this headstone outside.

I forget the words, but what it meant was, wipe that grin off your

face, you'll be as dead as I am soon.

Yes,

it's inconvenient, being dead.

I got this feeling of panic. I guess sometimes when I'm out, did I turn the

off? Did I lock the door?

It's like leaving a house.

Did I do this? Did I do that?

The only difference being you can't come back to check.

So you must do everything before you go.

Forgive me, sir, but you do have a most urgent appointment.

Ten minutes ago.

Oh, yes.

Thank you, Thomas.

Are you trying to confuse me?

1961,

fantastic mini, amazing actress, superb appearance, unbelievable... Hey, hold

it, hold it. I just got the amazing down.

It's not easy for a guy like me, you know, all this lying.

Superb appearance, unbelievable value, a too much car.

Yeah.

Stuck on describing the colour. Hey, patriotic.

Patriotic, great. Colour patriotic.

150 quid, no hassle.

150 quid, no hassle. Put the phone number.

I hope I'm not going to spend my evenings answering the phone to a stream

yobbos. Oh, no.

They'll be phoning in the daytime, too.

Is that a joke?

Is that a joke? Oh, come on, Dad. We always have to answer the phone for your

patient. I like to listen to the details of how Mrs Waring found her filling in

her Chorley cake yesterday.

I pay for the telephone.

I get those bits of paper which say payment is now due, followed by the

bits which say according to our records, followed by giddy spells, intermittent

headaches, and spasmodic paralysis.

That must be a real problem.

Do you realize what would happen if, for instance, my hands should be damaged?

I wouldn't be able to drive a car, so I wouldn't be able to get to my surgery.

And I wouldn't be able to use a drill, so I wouldn't be able to practice

dentistry. And the whole household would disintegrate because, worst of all, I

wouldn't be able to sign checks.

There wouldn't be much of a disaster in the event of either of you damaging your

hand, would there?

Well, would there?

I guess when you're young, you kind of adapt.

Ruff and me be into doing things with our feet.

I'd have to be bloody clever to take somebody's teeth out with my feet,

I?

Yeah, yeah, let's forget the whole thing.

Dad's hands are necessary to pay the phone bill.

Not just the phone bills, all the bills.

These hands and this head pay all the bills.

And your immediate worry is whether or not this heart can stand the strain.

Now, I'd like some peace, if you don't mind. You have rooms of your own. Please

go to them.

Oh, my God.

Hey, look, Dad.

Seeing as we've just started speaking to each other again, I'd just like to say

something.

It's just that I really appreciate everything that you do for, well, for

and for me. I mean, all the hassles.

And if there's anything I can do to help... You could get a job.

Let's have this conversation another time.

What have you thought of an answer?

I want you to kiss me.

Passionately. I can't indulge in these sudden bursts of physical fever.

On the mouth.

Especially when instructions are issued. It's like a conducted tour.

And I want you to render me into a state of ecstatic desperation.

You're becoming eccentric.

Oh, God, not you too. Not you and them. I'm lost.

I do have a reason. A good one.

Oh, yes.

That was quite nice.

Was there a point to that exercise?

Well, I just wanted to see... Oh, it doesn't matter.

You wanted to see what?

I've seen now, so it doesn't matter.

Look, I've already got my sons gibbering in some foreign language.

Now my wife is treating me to half -finished sentences. Soon I'll be out of

touch with all of you. What did you want to see?

I wanted to see if I still fancied you.

It was quite nice.

You mean there was doubt?

Coffee?

Yes, tell me about the doubt.

I was in a graveyard this morning.

Everybody was dead.

We often are, yes.

It made me realise that what is left of my life must be right.

Preferably perfect.

That all things petty, trivial, wasteful must go.

So, I was just checking you out.

You mean I can stay?

For now, yes.

But this... My mother...

Whenever I am journeying towards the kitchen, I am conscious of it, squatting

there, planning my downfall. How can it?

I warm it. I put tea bags in it.

I pour water on it.

I let it brew.

And what happens?

You're just not very good at making tea.

It is not very good at making tea.

So it will have to go.

From now on, everything in my life... Must be right.

I'll have to see you again, Mr. Worth. That's only the temporary filling.

Friday.

I'm not here on Fridays. I'm... Being to private patients.

Yeah. My receptionist will give you an appointment card.

Funny thing, teeth.

Yeah. Barometers.

Pardon? Barometers.

You look at a barometer and you know the condition of the weather.

You look at teeth and you know the condition of the body.

That's not strictly true.

I've looked into the mouths of some very healthy people and it's been rather

like inspecting a coal mine.

Yes, well, that's the trouble, isn't it? You get a theory and some clever sod

disproves it.

There's no point in having a belief.

I was brought up to believe that carrots are good for your eyes.

based on the theory that you never see rabbits wearing glasses.

So I ate lots of carrots, and now I wear glasses.

Yes. Well, I'll see you next time. I wouldn't chew on that for a while. It's

wife, you know.

Sorry? Powerful people, wives.

A wife doesn't want a husband. She wants a lover. She wants someone mysterious.

Well, there's nothing very mysterious about marriage, is there?

A man is like a book, you see. A woman picks him off the shelf and begins to

read him, and he's full of intrigue.

But when she marries him, it's like turning to the end of the book and

out who the murderer is.

There's nothing left to read then, is there?

She starts looking for another book, another story.

It's then his teeth start to drop out.

I'm not going home tonight.

You know, break up the pattern a bit.

Give her something to think about.

In the morning, she'll stand in that kitchen, serving my breakfast like a

thrower.

And she'll shout.

Oh, dear God, how she'll shout.

But eventually, she'll cry.

And when they cry, you've won.

You're back on that shelf.

It's only a theory of mine.

No,

you don't look like my wife.

My wife is beautiful.

It's me, ma 'am. Adam.

Come in, Adam.

Oh, I thought it was Adam.

Oh, yeah, him too.

I've come first as a sort of advance warning.

Oh, no. He hasn't crashed his car again. He hasn't made me... Cool it. Cool it.

He hasn't crashed his car. He just looks a little bit different. That's all. And

he doesn't want to freak you out.

How many times must I tell you that I do not freak out? Yeah, you're a

completely unfreakable person.

Okay, Adam.

A pretty guy is like a melody.

He's never looked that bad.

Even Archie's crashed his car.

What have you done?

Had a perm.

It's all right for you. You were born with a perm.

Adam, your father simply won't be able to take this. You cannot go on giving

him...

It's okay, it's okay.

I'm in the listening position.

Your father is a well -respected, widely admired dental surgeon.

And to remain that way, he needs to have two well -respected, widely admired

sons. Oh, we're widely admired.

Ask any of the chicks around here.

I'm not questioning your ability to bowl the female population over.

If your father and I didn't take turns to stay in, this house would rapidly

become a stud farm.

Police were here again yesterday with a familiar sealed envelope.

It was a summons, that's all, for parking.

It was not just for parking.

Your car looks like a very old roller skate.

Its windscreen squirter is a washing -up liquid container hanging on a piece of

wire.

And on top of this, you put a card on the dashboard saying, Doctor on urgent

visit.

What was your most recent sealed envelope for? Go on, put it into words.

see if they match up to the policeman's. I was testing my brakes.

Everybody speeds.

Not in the church drive, Russell.

And definitely not when there's a funeral on.

Your father is like... He's like a... An old building.

He has style and dignity. And you two are turning him into a bingo hall.

Do you understand what I'm talking about? Yeah, yeah.

Understood. Yeah.

Sorry about the perm.

Guess it'll just fizzle out.

I was in the graveyard yesterday.

I'm kind of saving that for when I've no option.

Made me think. Everything happens so quickly.

Five minutes ago, you were babies and I was a girl.

Now you're men and I'm... Well, the time that's left will be spent with your

father. And if I'm going to enjoy that time, I must enjoy your father.

And if I'm going to enjoy your father, he has to enjoy all of us.

So you, Adam, will hide that perm any way you can.

Hey, Mum, you know Guy?

Of course I know Guy.

He's your best friend.

He fancies you.

Don't be silly.

My friend fancies you. Yeah, if you weren't our mother, I expect we'd fancy

too.

But your pocket money remains the same.

Well, I'm not fat.

That's muscle.

That's muscle, too.

All right, it's fatty muscle.

It's only when I'm sitting down that it lolls about.

I didn't have that.

I wouldn't have any give.

Oh, there's another line. It wasn't there yesterday.

It's a laugh line.

And those are laugh lines, too.

I'll have to wear a scarf and stop laughing.

Ben's late.

Strange.

to go for the jackpot.

You know, it really is extraordinary.

I have two sons who come and go like the family cat, and yet I get home at

midnight to find my wife curled up in bed like a hedgehog, and just as

unapproachable. You could have phoned me.

I was lying to phone about.

So what were you doing until midnight?

I was just sitting in my office, thinking.

You could have thought at home?

I have to think at home.

I have to do everything at home.

But then I'm just a little housewife, aren't I? The domestic army.

On your mark, get set, to the supermarket.

Quick! Much! Next up, next up, next up.

You are not here to think. You are here to vegetate and straighten your pinafore

when I'm talking to you.

You buttering that toast or serving ice cream?

Do you know what I think?

Will I be able to follow it? I think that you think that I think nothing.

I thought I wouldn't.

Well, let me tell you, I have wild, uncontrollable impulses.

I'm not one of your butterflies.

You can't scoop me up in your nest and stick a pin through my navel.

Can I have the milk, please?

Yes, sir. Certainly, sir.

Perhaps you like the sugar, sir.

And was there anything else, sir?

I see we're up to the discus throw a bit.

There's something about your face.

It's different.

For 19 years, it's worn the same expression.

Asleep with its eyes open.

Lovely, it's awake and guilty. What has it done?

My face is innocent.

It and I go everywhere together.

Of course, it could be your receptionist.

Or a patient. One of your female patients.

Probably arrived with a gap in her teeth like a farmyard gate.

It's not impossible, is it? After all, it's a very intimate business.

Fixing people's teeth.

And then there's that reclining chair that goes up and down.

And you, in your sexy surgical mask, muttering things like, You won't feel

a thing, Mrs. Jones.

We'll soon have you looking beautiful, Mrs. Jones.

Women have been known to crumble during moments like that.

And if things get out of hand...

There's not much she can do with a mouth full of cotton wool, is there?

Well, I'll see you tonight, then.

Early.

Yes.

Aren't you going to cry?

Cry? Why should I cry?

It was only a theory.

Morning.

Do you always go to bed wearing a crash helmet?

I can't hear what you're saying.

I'm wearing a crash helmet.

So, you finally came to London.

Yes.

But I didn't come to eat. I came to talk.

I have this nervous stomach that has to get things off its chest.

Let me tell you about your nose.

It turned up at the end. It looks as if you bumped into something when you were

very small and it never properly set.

Leonard, when I was in that graveyard... Waiter, excuse me, I'll be with you in

the graveyard in a minute. Could you possibly give that to Thomas? My

is outside.

Mine is the modest green car. It's parked behind the ladies, which is red,

and blue and looks rather like a state funeral.

Nice cat, Thomas, you know, calm and reliable, like a Labrador.

When I was in that graveyard, I made some decisions.

I took stock of my life, if you like.

I decided that in future...

Things that got in my way or irritated me or bothered me in any way would have

to go.

So far, I've thrown out a clock that didn't so much tick as hiccup.

And a white hat that made me look like a cotton bud.

A chair that belonged to a late aunt.

And it was so uncomfortable that I believed she was still sitting in it.

A peapot that had a mind of its own.

And now I'm getting around to people.

For a start, I shan't be talking to Mrs. Chalmers again from number 41.

She keeps peering at my face, checking on depreciation.

I spent a fortune on anti -wrinkle cream because of her.

Cousin Peg, Auntie Doreen, the paper boy, that nosy cow in the baker shop.

They all had to go.

They unnerve me, you see.

And if the rest of my life is going to be enjoyable, well, I'll have to avoid

them. Quite right.

Waiter, could we have some more of these, please?

The way I'm going to avoid you.

Oh, I see.

I'm on the condemned list, am I?

You're like that little dog that follows you home.

You know, the little mongrel that you stop and pat and then you find he won't

away. You slam the door on him.

And then you open it again and give him your dinner.

You throw a bucket of water over him.

And then you keep going to the gate to see if he's there.

What's wrong?

Don't you like this kind of flower?

Shall I order you a French marigold and afterwards you can have an orchid for

dessert? Leonard!

Leonard, I'm going to go through that door.

And I'm going to get into my car and I'm going to drive away.

Tomorrow the car will be sold and I and my shopping basket will merge with the

crowd and we'll be back to where we were.

You fretting over your ex -wife and me desperately trying to cook for my

without actually killing him.

I'm serious, Leonard.

You unnerve me.

You are one of the things that'll have to go.

Okay.

I know when to give up.

Good.

Thank you.